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People Recall The Best Insult They've Ever Had Hurled At Them

People Recall The Best Insult They've Ever Had Hurled At Them
Photo by Surface on Unsplash

The right insult at the right time is the verbal equivalent of skinning someone alive in public.

This array of roasts is a testament to the unrivaled capacity for humor and immorality in human beings.

Some Redditors--or their 'insulters'--set themselves apart from the whole world of insult-hurling people in two ways:

1. They are quick-witted in the moment

2. They are 100% fine with attacking the complex insecurities of another person on a VERY personal level.

u/MiniSamuroid asked, "What is the best insult someone has said to you?"What is the best insult someone has said to you?"

A Flavorless, Starchy Human Being

I was once told I was more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.


There's Just So Much Here...

"The nice thing about you being both a huge d*ck and a colossal c*nt is how easy it will be for you to go f yourself."



Means Nothing. Means Everything.

I got called a six piece McNobody once.




"You have pretty eyes, pretty lips, pretty nose and nice eyebrows, they just look weird combined on your face."



Surefire Way to Kill Libido

I am a dude who's only 5'2". A girl in high school once asked me if I wanted to go up on her.


You. Are. Basic.

You look just like that guy over there

It was a mirrored glass. I've never been so offended in my life.



Mama Slinging Roasts

I was getting the sex of my child determined when my wife was pregnant.

Lady that was using the ultrasound was struggling to see if there was a penis.

She goes "I guess little things run in the family?" She said it jokingly and I wasn't offended, but it pissed my wife off for some reason and she claps back with "Nah, just no one is happy to see you."


A Patriarchal Blasting

My dad used to tell me: You're not useless, son - you can always be used as a terrible example.


Downright Shakespearean

"Still a virgin?"
"No, go ask your sister."
"I don't have a sister you moron."
"Wait 9 months"



Utterly Forgettable. Looks Decent in Leather, Though. 

A student told me that I looked like a background character from Sons of Anarchy first year working at a school.


Just Hope He Has Different Clothes

I had puffy hair at the time and was wearing all friend told me that I looked like emo Ronald McDonald.



An Anatomically-Informed Slaying

"You have less folds on your brain than the towels in my drawer." -Random guy on Xbox Live


Little Genetics Humor

I told someone i f*cked their mom and they said "no wonder I'm so ugly" respect. He roasted himself to make a godly roast to me


Coming From Mom, Too. That's Tough.

I was complaining about the shirt my mom bought me for homecoming in 8th grade.

She called me a fat slug that looked like a wet sock and I still remember it now at 27.



Wonder If This Helped or Hurt the Tip

My friend asked him "is it okay if I call you Dick?" to which the waiter immediately replied, "you can call me whatever's on your mind, bud."


Sometimes the Old Fashioned Ones Pack the Real Punch

"Well, seems he's got plenty of steam to blow his whistle, but not enough to run the train. Bless his heart."



"I don't want to see you anymore." Then she took off her glasses.


Should've Kept Your Mouth Shut

I was standing next to a friend who was scratched on the face, and someone said "what's wrong with your face?" And I said "me?"

And she said "No your friend here has a a scratch on their face, you're just unfortunate."


Never Good When You Have Them Wishing for Cannibalism

"Your mother should have swallowed you while your bones were still soft"


Maybe Play Drums?

My band teacher once said that his dog could breathe better than me...


"Let's keep it that way."

Me: *trying to sing New York New York*

Sister: "Who sings that?"

Me: *inner monologue how can she not know* "Frank Sinatra."

Sister: "Let's keep it that way."


"Someone at work..."

Someone at work once told me my mustache made me look like Hitler. Two things made it worse. One, that wasn't true. Two, the person who said it was the assistant manager.



Not to me, but two of my professors got into a fight with each other once. It culminated with one of them writing an article about the other, in which he said "[professor] is a man who diminishes with proximity."

Academia is brutal, man.



Back when I had curly hair that sat like a mass on top of my head, I overheard someone tell their friends my head looked like a balloon

Except the -oon was super accentuated, and that made it even funnier.


"My teeth..."

My teeth are quite ugly so sombody told me my teeth were sponsored by GAP. I just laughed.


"I was called..."

I was called a budget Chris Pratt by a woman in a bar.


"I used to work fast food..."

I used to work fast food and management had just hired two new women, and they were the worst. I walked in the back one time and one screamed "EVERYONE HERE IS FAT AND LAZY" and then the other one looked at me and said, "well he's not lazy..."


"Back in high school..."

From the south. Back in high school one of the redneck kids at school was picking on my buddy, and he turns around and says "Mike, I wonder if you'd be able to speak more clearly if your parents were second cousins instead of first."


"You're not the dumbest..."

"You're not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesn't die."


"Totally deadpan..."

Me and some buddies were having a Munchkin night, when one of em said "Man my life just flashed before my eyes!"

Totally deadpan, about one second after, the friend right across from him said "Wow...that must've sucked."


"One day..."

One day, I was walking with some friends to my University's quad, when out of the blue this girl walks past me and says, "Hey, nice sandals". I said thanks, and then she yells back, "enjoy the last supper", and continues on her way.

I couldn't function the rest of the day.


"You're kinda like..."

"You're kinda like Rapunzel except instead of letting down your hair you let down everyone in your life."


"My Slavic dad..."

Wow, Harold, you are dumber than a block of wood and not nearly as useful.

My Slavic dad telling off a dude.


"A coworker..."

A coworker called another coworker with a mustache the "unwanted third Mario brother" and I spit my breakfast all over the kitchen table because he really is unwanted and looks like a Mario brother.

Before the same (first) coworker lost 75 pounds he would call another overweight coworker "type 3" all the time.


"My friend..."

My friend called another friend a "six-piece chicken mcnobody" the other day. I love how it just rolls off the tongue.


"Heard this..."

Heard this from a co-worker: I'd love to stay and chat but I'd rather have type-2 diabetes

It may or may not have been directed towards me.


"You're so stupid..."

You're so stupid you couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the directions were written on the heel.


"Words can't describe..."

Words can't describe your beauty...

But numbers can.



"You're so dense..."

You're so dense, light bends around you.


"One of my favorites..."

One of my favorites is: "Isn't it rather dangerous to use one's entire vocabulary in a single sentence?"


"Mr. Rogers..."

Mr. Rogers would be disappointed in you.


"Some random girl..."

Some random girl in college had really bad acne. When one of my friends saw her the first time he said "Jesus Christ it looks like her face was on fire and someone tried to put it out with an ice pick"

I felt bad for her, but that's a pretty damn creative insult.



Once, probably 5th or 6th grade age, I told one of my dad's friends that I couldn't hear him over the sound of his hair falling out. My dad about wrecked the truck he was laughing so hard.


"Coworker 1..."

Coworker 1: Did your dad every get his money back? Coworker 2: Money back for what? Coworker 1: That cigar he bought to celebrate your birth.


"Another of my coworkers..."

One of my co-workers is the nicest old lady I've ever met. Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. She doesn't even do pretend swears, is patient, kind, etc (you get the picture).

Another of my co-workers is a rather dim, overweight lady who's surname is Pepper. She makes a lot of mistakes that create work for the rest of us. After a big error that meant co-worker 1 would have to come in on the weekend just to clean up co-worker 2's mess, co-worker 1 turned to me and said "The spiciest peppers are the small ones so she's obviously very mild".

This is literally the only time I've ever heard her say anything even vaguely negative and it just floored me and how diplomatic she was about calling ol' pepper a fat idiot.


"I was watching..."

I was watching a YouTube video that has AFL players talk about the best sledge (Australian for insult) while playing. One guy said "The guy I was playing on said to me 'I'm going to eat you!'. And I told him 'Are you going to eat me with the same bowl that your mum uses to cut your hair?'"


"I wasn't present..."

I wasn't present for this one, but a friend told me there was a nerd answering all the teacher's questions during a class. Some dumb blonde said something like, "We get it, nerd. You know everything." Teacher jumped in and was like, "Hey, he might be your boss one day." And then the nerd says, "Highly unlikely. I don't plan on being a pimp."


"Pick any season..."

Pick any season of RuPaul's to watch and you will hear more than enough new insults to re-fill your repertoire.


"I envy..."

I envy the people who haven't met you yet.


People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley


"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt


"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."


"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."


Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."


"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip


"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User


– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"


Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."



"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."


Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."



The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."


This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.



"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."



"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”



"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"


"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"


The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."


Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."


Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.


"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.