The right insult at the right time is the verbal equivalent of skinning someone alive in public.
This array of roasts is a testament to the unrivaled capacity for humor and immorality in human beings.
Some Redditors--or their 'insulters'--set themselves apart from the whole world of insult-hurling people in two ways:
1. They are quick-witted in the moment
2. They are 100% fine with attacking the complex insecurities of another person on a VERY personal level.
A Flavorless, Starchy Human Being
I was once told I was more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
There's Just So Much Here...
"The nice thing about you being both a huge d*ck and a colossal c*nt is how easy it will be for you to go f yourself."Giphy
"You have pretty eyes, pretty lips, pretty nose and nice eyebrows, they just look weird combined on your face."Giphy
Surefire Way to Kill Libido
I am a dude who's only 5'2". A girl in high school once asked me if I wanted to go up on her.
You. Are. Basic.
You look just like that guy over there
It was a mirrored glass. I've never been so offended in my life.Giphy
Mama Slinging Roasts
I was getting the sex of my child determined when my wife was pregnant.
Lady that was using the ultrasound was struggling to see if there was a penis.
She goes "I guess little things run in the family?" She said it jokingly and I wasn't offended, but it pissed my wife off for some reason and she claps back with "Nah, just no one is happy to see you."
A Patriarchal Blasting
My dad used to tell me: You're not useless, son - you can always be used as a terrible example.
"Still a virgin?"
"No, go ask your sister."
"I don't have a sister you moron."
"Wait 9 months"
Utterly Forgettable. Looks Decent in Leather, Though.
A student told me that I looked like a background character from Sons of Anarchy first year working at a school.
Just Hope He Has Different Clothes
I had puffy hair at the time and was wearing all black.my friend told me that I looked like emo Ronald McDonald.Giphy
An Anatomically-Informed Slaying
"You have less folds on your brain than the towels in my drawer." -Random guy on Xbox Live
Little Genetics Humor
I told someone i f*cked their mom and they said "no wonder I'm so ugly" respect. He roasted himself to make a godly roast to me
Coming From Mom, Too. That's Tough.
I was complaining about the shirt my mom bought me for homecoming in 8th grade.
She called me a fat slug that looked like a wet sock and I still remember it now at 27.Giphy
Wonder If This Helped or Hurt the Tip
My friend asked him "is it okay if I call you Dick?" to which the waiter immediately replied, "you can call me whatever's on your mind, bud."
Sometimes the Old Fashioned Ones Pack the Real Punch
"Well, seems he's got plenty of steam to blow his whistle, but not enough to run the train. Bless his heart."
"I don't want to see you anymore." Then she took off her glasses.
Should've Kept Your Mouth Shut
I was standing next to a friend who was scratched on the face, and someone said "what's wrong with your face?" And I said "me?"
And she said "No your friend here has a a scratch on their face, you're just unfortunate."
Never Good When You Have Them Wishing for Cannibalism
"Your mother should have swallowed you while your bones were still soft"
Maybe Play Drums?
My band teacher once said that his dog could breathe better than me...