Long beautiful locks are something I've always wanted to have. In fact, a few years back I tried to grow out my hair, but it was a disaster. It took a year to grow three stringy inches.
I've always thought that dudes with glorious manes had it made. But apparently they suffer from "identity" issues, not of their own making. Let's discuss...
Redditor u/mistermika06 wanted all the boys out there to share a few tales of mistaken identity by asking:
Long-haired men on reddit, what are the weirdest encounters where someone has mistaken you as a woman?
I've never mistaken a gender from behind. I also don't just assume anything until I have a full profile. Remember when Brad Pitt sported those gorgeous blonde waves of Heaven? There was no mistaking him from behind.
Not Again
long haired man GIF
Giphy
"I was washing my hands in a public restroom and an old man walked in an said "Oh sorry Miss" and scurried out before opening the ladies room and I heard him yell "OH not again." Maybe not the most weird but I could not stop laughing."
- HaV0C
Hey Sexy
"Years ago I was cat called by a passing car of bros who yelled, "nice butt!" I wasn't built back then like I am now, but younger, skinnier me still had a damn dumptruck."
"This has been my fear recently. I over developed my lower body a few years ago so everything below the waist is seriously built. I haven't had a haircut since before the pandemic and add a mask covers my facial hair I notice I get looks from men and women when I walk into stores."
Back in the Day
"Back when I was 10 or something, I was in the local YMCA swimming pool minding my own business. Suddenly these two girls maybe 3 or 4 years older than me ask "excuse me, shouldn't you be wearing a shirt or something?" Then they heard my voice when I responded, and started cracking up, as did I."
Learning Lessons
"Someone grabbed my butt at the bar in a nightclub. I'm 6'3 and have pretty broad shoulders so I'm not sure how drunk they were to make that mistake, just cause I have longish curly blonde hair. I turned around and he apologised and said he thought I was a girl as if that would have somehow been ok. Opened my eyes to the kind of harassment women must get all the time at a club."
bad spin
jimmy fallon lol GIF
Giphy
"I was in college at a party. Hair down, was wet from a shower. Some frat dude walked up behind me, grabbed me by the butt and spun me around. "You want a piece of this!?" Was the first thing that came out of my mouth. To this day I've never seen a more horrified moron."
Best Excuses For Late Assignments That Were Actually True | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
kiss off...
shampoo GIF
Giphy
"Opposite problem. The time there was some woman, who had hair exactly like mine, sitting on a park bench. I had wandered off somewhere and my wife, thinking it was me, came up behind her and decided to give her a big kiss on the top of the head."
Cut It
"I had long hair at 15-17 because my older brother did and his hot gf was always gushing about how hot it was and not enough guys had long hair. Got mistaken for a girl twice. Once at a petrol station the guy gave me change and winked while saying "here you go sweet heart". He was totally hitting on me!"
"Then a few days later when delivering pizza to a family the kid looks at me all confused and says "Mummy is that a boy or a girl?" The mum says "That's impolite". Then after the door closes I hear the kid say "ok but WAS it a girl or a boy?" The mum replied " I really don't know." Cut my hair the next day."
"My brother had a photo of me from that time on display for a couple years. He told me some of his friends asked if I was one of his old girlfriends. I was greatly offended until I actually saw the photo in question and holy crap I definitely looked like a girl! Thankfully he lost that photo and other photos from that time aren't so bad."
"ARE YOU TALKIN' TO ME?"
"At our high school we had an ultra strict rules lawyering woman who monitored the halls and would stop people constantly for anything and everything. Was walking down the halls in high school when I got a "Mam", "Mam", "Maam", "MAAM". Finally she grabbed my shoulder. Now, I had a very baritone voice, even back then."
"So I turned around, exaggerating my deep voice even more and gave her the most booming deep "ARE YOU TALKIN' TO ME?" I could muster. She looked utterly deflated. Absolutely 0 energy or fight left in her due to the embarrassment. She very sheepishly said that I needed to cover my book (it ripped literally 15 minutes earlier) and fled the scene with her tail between her legs."
- Dubanx
Mommy!
"Once (when my hair was slightly shorter) I was taking the metro to DC when this kid and his mom got on a few stops after me and sat in the row right behind me. The kid was talking a lot about nothing, as kids tend to do when they first learn to put a full sentence together. I could hear him over my music."
"Then, he starts talking about some "Hey! The girl up there has more hair than YOU, mommy! Look! Look, her hair is longer than yours. You're not looking mommy!" I turned to look out the window as we exit a tunnel, then he says, "WHOA! She's a Boy."
"Never mind, mommy!" I locked eyes with the mom who just laughed and told the kid to sit and be quiet for a while."A few minutes later, he asks his mom how boys can grow longer hair than girls to which mom says "I don't know, but I can always buy some more hair if I want it to be longer. I don't always have to grow it all by myself." The kid was stunned."
Hey Dude
jared leto mars GIF
Giphy
"Dude slapped my butt and called me a fine looking wh**e. So I punched him. I think I'm slightly better looking then just fine. But after that I grew out my beard and no one has slapped my butt again yet."
- Koobitz
1989
"In 1989 I was still getting wavy perms because my Mom liked them. (yeah yeah, Momma's boy) It had just been done and my hair was almost curly. I was driving to Pitt for school and some guy drove up behind me honking and flashing his lights. I pulled over and he jumped out and as he ran up to my car I was opening my door. As I swung my legs out he saw that I was a painfully skinny guy and stopped flat."
"I said, "what's the problem?" He stammered for a second and replied, "I think you have a flat tire!," got back into his car, and drove off. I kicked the tire. It was fine. I had no idea what had happened. I just thought he made a mistake. In retrospect, years later, I often wondered what was really going on. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened that day if I had been a woman."
- raydude
The Duo
"I was young at the time. My mother and I got pulled over for a "investigation" by a well-known less-than-noble officer who liked his women's age on a clock. He asked my mother for her license, proof-of-purchase, and all that good stuff. We exchanged glances, and I saw his disgust as he realized I was a dude. He probably thought we were a mother/daughter prostitute duo, because those were very common in the area. Boy, did he have a surprise."
Hey Lady
"I've been catcalled from cars who only saw me from the back a couple times. Once at a bar a friend and I were at table, a old dude walked past us, again I had my back to him and he said "evening ladies" to which I responded "I'm not a lady". Guy got super embarrassed, we got a kick out of it."
It's Miss...
Flaunt Long Hair GIF by VPRO
Giphy
"Ma'am? Ma'am? MA'AM! That's the men's room! <pause> Oh my god, I'm so sorry!"
- ErWenn
At the Game
"Alright, so this was way back when I was in High School and had been growing my hair out for a few years now. So to set the scene, me and my family went to a baseball game and my older sister got to bring her boyfriend along with her. Now, after the game, we were all walking back to the parking garage, so big procession of people leaving the stadium with panhandlers everywhere, as you'd expect. That's when one of the panhandlers calls out to my sister's boyfriend, "Hey man, you've got two girls hanging off you, surely you've got some spare change for me."
Even Worse Bro
"My brother was thin and had long hair when he turned 21. He was standing next to the table when a dude walked by and and squeezed a cheek. The grabber realized he was a man and got all freaked out and was like "ahh man. I thought you were a chick. I'm sorry. We told him that still wouldn't be cool even if he were a woman. The bartender "asked" him to leave."
- Redd889
Cafe Days
"Almost 20 years ago I was in a redneck town in the middle of the night with a female friend. We go into this coffee shop and this guy standing in the doorway says all lecherously "Hey ladies!". I say "Evening," and his eyes get huge and he bolts out the door. We go in and this immense man yells out "HE SURE TOLD YOU! HAHAHAHA! We just got our coffee and donuts and got out asap."
That You?
Confused Picture GIF by Bluey
Giphy
"Not me, cuz I'm a girl, but once, my aunt saw an old picture of my parents and asked who the ugly girl with my mom was. It was my dad. The picture was taken when they were teenagers."
HER?
"When I was about 13 I had a long muff of hair and a part time job pushing carts at the grocery store. A coworker and I were pushing in a big load of carts and this older dude comes up and says to my coworker "I bet she's making you do all the work!" and then walks away. My coworker turns to me and says "did he just call you a girl?" I was slightly embarrassed but not enough to part ways with that glorified shag carpet."
What have we learned? Basic life lesson 101. Assume Nothing! Know you're addressing the person you believe you're addressing. And men with long beautiful hair are still Gods among men.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
GiphyThe video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
Partner Preference
Giphy"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
Herding Cats
Giphy"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
Wretched Existence
Giphy"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
One Hour
Giphy"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" Exercise
Giphy"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
Vicious Predators
Giphy"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic Princess
Giphy"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
Shoe-nanigans
Giphy"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
Want to "know" more?
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.