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Straight People Share Burning Questions They've Always Wanted To Ask The LGBTQ+ Community

Straight People Share Burning Questions They've Always Wanted To Ask The LGBTQ+ Community
Image by rihaij from Pixabay

Let's just get it all out on the open. Shall we? I think one of the main reasons we're having so much societal breakdown is due to everyone's inability to communicate.

Now I know everyone feels differently about certain subjects, and everyone is entitled to their feelings, but a safe, open dialogue is for the greater good.

As a person who is part of a marginalized group, I'll be taking questions. Some of my people don't want to and sometimes I don't want to but I like to think beyond my own feelings. If someone is asking, that is an opportunity for us to educate.

All I ask is that you keep it polite. And don't test my patience.

Redditoru/jimmehbaconwanted the straights out there to have this moment to engage in an open dialogue, by asking:

Straight people, what burning questions do you have about the LGBTQ Community?

It's human nature to be curious about the things we don't understand. So let's probe these thoughts. Look at me already starting with a pun.

Let's Talk About Sex...

sex ed film GIFGiphy

"Can I be gay without liking sex? I had moments when I was younger about wanting to be with a person but just that male-to-male sex turns me off or weirded me out."

- Future_Particular

"Absolutely. You could be gay and asexual if you're romantically attracted to the same sex but not sexually attracted to anyone. You could also be homo-romantic and heterosexual if you're romantically attracted to the same sex but sexually attracted to the opposite sex."

- jayraan

The Cycle

"Since a lot of people question their heterosexuality, do you also sometimes question your homosexuality?"

- Davidos402

"Not necessarily homosexual, but in the bisexual community there's a term called 'the bi-cycle' which basically means the usual doubt and questioning cycle, because due to various reasons, most bisexuals question their bisexuality a lot and commonly."

- pineapple_Jeff


"Lesbians: do you also find dating women hard? I know my gay buddies always complain that it's hard to find a solid relationship. So, I'm just wondering what your dating gripes are?"

- thatnomadsucks

"Yes absolutely. Dating pool is very small, you can't approach strangers because they could be straight and no one knows who should make the first move."

- BigStinkyNipples

To Denmark!

"Why do asexuals want to invade Denmark? I'm nervous."

- ToxicCauliflower

"There are estimated to be over 70 million asexuals in the world, which means that we can easily overpower the Danish military. Don't worry, we won't hurt the citizens, and we'll make it a great country. I know Denmark is already a great country! I've been there once, loved it, and in general I know it's a good country."

- NeonIIcarus


"Do you ever feel nervous when you compliment a guys looks or flirt with them because you think they might be straight and get super angry at you?"

- Waylif3sshouldB

"I used to be... I still don't flirt unless I KNOW they're not straight, but if a guy has a nice haircut, or a cool shirt or hat or mask or whatever, I'll say something. Brightens their day. I love when people compliment my wardrobe, after all."

How You Doin Kiss GIFGiphy

"For all the people who are wondering about the sort of guys who would get their hackles up at a compliment from another guy—personal anecdote, I grew up in the southeastern US, 90s-00s. Very conservative area, very close to Alabama. Very homophobic. So... those sorts of guys. Lot of us LGBTQ+ folks gotta develop defense mechanisms to get by."

- Its_Sisu_Witch

So far, so good. I'm pleasantly surprised by the actual thought behind some of these musings. Back in the day it was all sex questions. Dear I say, people have matured. Let's continue...

I have a feeling...

Season 3 Nbc GIF by The OfficeGiphy

"Is gaydar a real thing? How often do you hit on straight people straight people before realizing they are straight?"

- someone8787

"It's definitely a thing. Though it's never 100% accurate and it's really hard to describe the exact signs, there's just subtle signals that let gay people recognize each other more easily. I've personally never hit on a straight person before, and I've even called some of my friends being gay years before they came out to me."

- gentlemako

People Break Down Their Greatest Accomplishment On The Internet | George Takei’s Oh Myyy

Next to Normal

"Do you feel like it's genuinely getting better or heading in the right direction regarding equality and it just being considered as 'normal' or regular as any other relationship or lifestyle X?"

- riche1988

"In my country I think the shift is definitely more positive towards acceptance. Teenagers now just don't care what you identify as, when I came out my teenage sisters were just like yeah and then told me about their friend's identity and their own. It was a normal conversation not weird or hushed."

- ad_ally1347


"I am not straight but I don't know what I am. How do I figure this out? Is possible not to be attracted to anyone?"

- Acountryheart

"Asexuality is s lack of sexual attraction. Aromantic is a lack of romantic attraction. You could be either or both, there's also demisexual/romantic, where you don't feel attraction without building a strong emotional attachment. They're all LGBT+, they're all valid and there's subreddits for all of them if you want to explore."

- stonedPict


"For lesbians/bisexual women (? idk if that's the right term sorry)—how do you know you're sexually/romantically attracted to women vs just interested in being friends? Because whenever I see a woman I think is attractive, I honestly can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to her or if I just want to be like her lol."

"It's been really fun and enlightening to read about everyone's experiences. Definitely comforting to know a lot of people have this dilemma too regardless of orientation! PS: I feel like I am definitely biromantic 😂 (Cannot decide on bisexual because I really cannot imagine the sex without experiencing it)."

- bobthebobcattt

May I?

Confused Where Am I GIF by OriginalsGiphy

"Are you annoyed when people ask you a lot of questions? Or any at all?"

- Coolscee_Gaming

"Depends what the question is, but I'm usually very open and I'm always happy to help."

- NBfoxC137

The Bi-Way

"Closeted Bi-guy here. I don't know anyone who would give me grief over it, but is it weird that I just have no interest in "coming out"? I mean, I'd obviously tell family and friends when required (I.e if I was to start dating a guy) but unless I had to I just prefer to keep it to myself."

- Doodle_Brush

"You don't need to come out. Both my parents are bi. They are in a monogamous, hetero relationship and have been married for 32 years. I only learned they were bi when I was in my teens and we were watching a documentary about bisexuality together. They never talked about it before that point and have rarely mentioned it since, and they don't need to because it doesn't significantly affect their lives."

- PersonMcRealhuman

to be the rock...

"My 15-year-old daughter came out to us a month ago. How do I best support her as her dad, knowing that her life will have additional challenges that I'm not experienced in? Many of my best friends throughout my life are LGBTQ, and I'd hope that I had been (and still am) a supportive and loving friend, but wasn't necessarily in the role to be their shoulder to lean on or a mentor."

"With my daughter, I want to be her rock. I want to be able to give her comfort that I will do anything to help if things are tough. Perhaps this is the same as being a supporting father in any child's upbringing. However, I know she'll have more challenges. Am I overthinking this? I just want to be the best dad for her."

- redtray

Decisions. Decisions.

Tell Me More Jeff Goldblum GIF by National Geographic ChannelGiphy

"Who decides what goes into LGBT+ and what doesn't? Who decides in the order of, don't know what to call them… sexualities/sexual identities?"

- agent_grasshopper

Out of the Box

"So i'm a rural bi-guy it's rare that I bump into others like myself but it's such a relief when I do, being rural and bi is interesting i'd say, there's not that big of a gay scene and it's still a bit shunned sadly. I've never been to a city and experienced the culture, but can safely say I like penis and I like vagina."

"I told my dad this and he just laughed and called me greedy and good for me, he liked my first boyfriend as well good man. Anyway i'm rambling I guess my question is are all these labels important? honestly I don't really understand it too much i'm just like, let people love who they want to love do we need to put everyone in these neat boxes?"

- Gaunts

For the Wife

"My wife didn't really accept herself as bi until after we were together. We are monogamous. I do my best to support her. She really wants to be part of the community and participate in things like pridefest but I think she feels uncomfortable. I've offered to both go with her or let her go alone."

"She doesn't want to go alone but also doesn't want to be seen as straight either. I think it's awesome who she is and want her to not feel left out and I also think it's important that she helps represent her sexuality to help combat bi-erasure. Are people really judgy about things like this? Is it ok for me to go with her? What can we do to make her more comfortable?"

- fuzzthed

Support Issues

"What do you think about pride and moment when every company changing their logo to rainbow?"

- Cup4ik

"I personally have two different opinions that coexist in my brain:"

"A) It's nothing but transparent virtue signaling meant as a marketing ploy, these companies do not truly care and often are actively harming the LGBT+ community behind the scenes."

"B) The fact that huge corporations feel confident enough that their pride messaging will garner a favorable public opinion to go through with it is a great litmus test for how society as a whole is starting to warm up to the whole concept, and that in itself is heartening, even if the companies themselves are focused solely on profit."

- gentlemako


"Is it difficult coming out of the closet? Like, for very religious families?"

- Crazysteve271

"Honestly, I don't even have a religious family and coming out is still difficult. It's important to realise that yes, you "come out" to your family, but there's never one big "coming out" where it's like noted on your file that you're gay and everyone knows you're gay after that?"

"I still have to "come out" to my coworkers, and yes, it looks different from the "mom, dad, I'm gay" conversation (i.e simply using "husband" instead of wife, or talking about my partner as "he/him"), but the feeling of anxiety is still the same. Am I going to be suddenly shunned? etc."

- sfwjaxdaws

Left Out

Trans Day Of Visibility Lgbt GIFGiphy

"Do trans men feel left out of the conversation on trans rights at all? It feels very focused on trans women."

- Hcmp1980

"Extremely. And trans women are choked by it, on the opposite end of the plank. Trans men get less positivity, trans women get more negativity. It's a huge lose-lose."

"People don't seem to think trans men exist, which is probably because transitioning seems nefarious and sexual and only "men" are those things. But that means every time you see "trans person evil blah blah" it's never a trans male athlete on a men's team or a trans man in the men's bathroom."

- threeleggedgirl

That wasn't so bad. Was it? We all learned and grew as humans, I hope. And nobody was offended or ridiculed, I'm hope even more. Let's keep dialoging, it's the only way.

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People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley


"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt


"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."


"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."


Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."


"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip


"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User


– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"


Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."



"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."


Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."



The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."


This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.



"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."



"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”



"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"


"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"


The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."


Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."


Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.


"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.