Relationship Experts Open Up About How To Date Someone With Depression[rebelmouse-image 18359321 is_animated_gif=
Depression takes a toll not just on the depressed person, but on everyone around them as well. That doesn't mean people with depression should be avoided, it means that loving a person with depression requires just a little bit of extra prep. One Reddit user asked:
People really chimed in on this one! Not just people dating someone with depression, either. A lot of people with depression spoke up sharing the things they want their partners to do or know. Overall, people seemed to agree that it was hard but could be so worthwhile.
Take Breaks[rebelmouse-image 18359322 is_animated_gif=
As a partner, you can help someone have a happy life, but that is very different from being able to cure someone's depression.
There is an ocean of difference between being supportive in your partner's time of need and being a therapist, you can't do the latter. Treating depression is way above the paygrade of a partner, and should be in the hands of a professional. Think of it like any other health problem, if your partner came home with a broken leg and insisted they didn't need to go to the doctor and all they need is for you to help, you would have their butt in the car/cab/ambulance before they finished the sentence.
Don't burn yourself out trying to fix them, you can't because you aren't the problem. But you can help them get the help they need.
Know that it's OK to feel frustrated and angry about the situation, and not just on behalf of your partner, just because it's hard on you.
Take breaks and assert your need for your own space and taking care of your mental needs as well. If you are exhausted and drained, you aren't any good to anyone, so everyone benefits.
Don't let your partner manipulate you with their depression. Saying things like, "you are the only reason I go on living," is not necessarily romantic. They can make you feel trapped and like you can't be assertive about what you need or have your own space. Be wary of a time when your relationship may switch from you supporting a partner through a health crisis, to you feeling like you are being held hostage by their misery.
Anyone who says, "I can't live without you, if you leave me I will kill myself," is likely not in a state where they can even be a partner to you. You don't have to completely abandon them, but what that person needs is a friend and some serious professional help. That is not a loving thing to say, it's a scary threat - leave.
Keep An Eye Out[rebelmouse-image 18359323 is_animated_gif=
Keep an eye on them.
Not like a suspicious side glance, or becoming an overbearing, overwhelming guardian like figure...
But if they're sleeping a little later, a lot more, or they're a bit quieter than usual, or changing the way they eat, or whatever... Just ask what's up? And then just ride through the storm with them. You're not gonna fix it, you really can't. But you can gauge what the temp is, and there are tiny ways you can help.
Only Stay If...[rebelmouse-image 18359325 is_animated_gif=
Mainly, it's important to remember that you can't stay with them because you are scared of how their depression would make them react. That will only make you resent them. Only stay if you truly want to stay.
Patience[rebelmouse-image 18359326 is_animated_gif=
Patience. Some days she wouldn't do anything. Even speak. I just laid with her and waited. She would quietly cry and wouldn't talk to me for hours.
Eventually she said this happens and if I wanted to leave, I could. I said I'd be patient. Eventually I got her to a doctor and after a few months and different cocktails of medicine, she rarely if ever goes catatonic, and has a relatively normal range of emotions.
She still gets bummed out sometimes but it's not as bad.
Now I keep back ups of her medicine in my backpack in case she ever forgets to take them.
It's a lot of effort but I find it's worth it.
We're engaged now and getting married in 2019.
They May Never Get Better[rebelmouse-image 18359327 is_animated_gif=
People with chronic depression may never get "better". There will be depressive episodes and incidents for their whole life. So if you're going to be with them, you have to just accept that depression will be there and things still need to get done. You have to keep going.
Basically. just don't stress about it. If they are in a depressive mood, don't get upset about it. When a person without depression gets upset, there is usually a reason and a method to make it better. People with chronic depression are just gonna be sad sometimes, its like a chronic physical illness. You basically need to learn to separate your emotions from theirs, otherwise they're going to bring you down and make you miserable. If it's gotten to the point where they make you miserable 24/7, then just dump them, because you're probably not cut out to handle depression.
You have to be a little bit callused if you want to survive your partner's depression, for the good of them and you.
Empathy And Careful Words[rebelmouse-image 18359328 is_animated_gif=
Always try to see things from their perspective. Empathy is important.
If they are having a panic attack, don't tell them to calm down. They know they need to calm down, but its not like a light switch. They can't just stop no matter how bad they want to. They may need a lot of time to calm down, so give that time and show patience instead of saying stuff they already know.
Additionally, always try and point out the positives of every situation. When someone is sad, counting your blessings can be difficult. You may be able to help them by clearly letting them know that yeah, things are bad right now, but its not all that way all the time. Don't point out broad or generic positives like "you're not homeless." It makes it seem like you're grasping at straws or may make them feel guilty for being sad when others have it so much worse. Instead, point out things that are good about the current situation, even if you have to get creative.
All in all, just think about how you say things and what you say very carefully. Always ask yourself how their depression would react to certain words or phrases. You do really have to think before you speak because you can't un-say something.
Oxygen Mask[rebelmouse-image 18359329 is_animated_gif=
Use the "Oxygen-mask method."
When the masks fall from a ceiling during a flight, we are told to secure our mask first before assisting others. Make sure you can take care of yourself first and help them second. As most people here have said, you're not a psychiatrist or therapist or counselor. You are there for support and to encourage them to go see those people. It will only make both of your lives worse if your life outside of the relationship is negatively impacted.
Study enough, get to work on time, do what you need to do in your own life so that you can help your partner without worrying about school or work. None of this is your (or your partner's) fault. Lastly and probably most importantly: As much as you really truly wish that your love would be enough to make them better - it won't. It's an important part of your relationship but they need actual help from actual professionals.
Talk About It[rebelmouse-image 18359330 is_animated_gif=
We find that as long as we are TALKING (I'm having a bad day, or I'm cranky, or whatever), it makes it so much better.
It puts it out there. If I tell him I'm cranky, he now knows that I'm not slamming the dishes around because I'm mad at him; If he tells me he's had a bad day, I know that his sighs and anger-growls aren't directed at me. Without the communication, the frustration, depression, etc just feeds into a cycle until we are both in such a state that...well, it just goes poorly.
And, if your partner tells you that they're having a bad day...it can reset focus. It gives you a chance to take a step back, and decide to focus on THEM instead. And if you're also having a bad day, it gives them a chance to do the same.
Or, you can both accept that it's just one of those days where each of you just needs to...just be. Be in that funk, or do whatever it is to help improve your mood in whatever way you can.
Talking about it is so, so crucial.
The Downward Spiral[rebelmouse-image 18359331 is_animated_gif=
If you start to feel the downward spiral yourself, it might be time to leave.
My ex GF suffered from depression. We dated for 7 years, and she was very depressed for probably the last 5 of those years. I am the opposite--always upbeat, can have fun anywhere, very happy almost always. Her depression wore on me, and home wasn't a happy place anymore. I noticed near the end that I was staying at work later to avoid coming home, since it was always darkened, and she was ALWAYS in bed, under the covers, reading amateur romance web comics/novels. The only light in the apartment was her laptop screen illuminating her face. She never wanted to go anywhere, do anything, talk, or have sex. I hated going home, and I hated the relationship I was in. After some time, I noticed that I wasn't happy myself. I was no longer upbeat. No longer smiling just because. I was getting depressed. She was making me depressed. And I knew I had to get out. So I did.
That time of my life, when I look back at it, has a dark filter in my memories. I think I dodged a bullet. I was being pulled into her depression spiral, and nearly went head first. It's not her fault. I don't blame her. But I had to look after my own mental health, and I knew that I had to go.
Don't feel like you need to stay in any relationship out of a sense of obligation, or feel like you're a shitty person for breaking up with someone because they're depressed. Make that evaluation yourself.
They Need To Get Help[rebelmouse-image 18359332 is_animated_gif=
I have depression and am currently going on dates with a lady friend. I've made it a point in my life to try to unload as little emotional baggage on friends and partners as possible, because I have a therapist who is paid to listen to me. Point being, don't be in a relationship with someone with depression unless they're getting the help they need, and making an active effort to use it.
...I know this is hypocritical, but to be honest this makes me unsure if I'm strong enough to commit to move on from casual dating and commit to a relationship.
Another person said the same thing but from a different perspective:
Force them into therapy. I didn't do this with my partner and he started hitting me. If they refuse to go, dump their ass.
Initiate The Healing Process[rebelmouse-image 18359333 is_animated_gif=
Take the time to initiate the healing process after a fight. This really only matters if the depressed person is willing to admit they're wrong when they are. Don't be with someone who makes you the bad guy all the time.
Communication is very important and making amends can really take the stress off of the mind of the depressed. What could be a bit of anger for you could be torture for them, even little things can make depression spiral out of control. Especially if you're in a serious relationship, your words and opinions should mean a great deal to them. If you're upset with them, they might feel double the pain from being upset with themselves for making you upset.
Of course, there are a great deal of depressed folk who are actually really crappy people just like there are in any group. So if they're a nice person then this relates, if they're not nice people then it's not worth the hassle.
You Need A Professional[rebelmouse-image 18359334 is_animated_gif=
Understand that depression is a disease. Like any disease, it needs to be treated by an appropriate, impartial professional. Do not fancy yourself the knight in shining armor who will pluck your beloved from the bell jar to live happily ever after. If you can't let go of that fantasy, you need to let go of the relationship sooner rather than later.
As a partner, it is not your place to offer unsolicited medical or psychiatric advice. It is especially not your place to do so if you aren't qualified to treat depression as a doctor or mental health professional. If you are asked for your input, encourage your partner to seek treatment from a professional, or to seek a second opinion if they express a lack of faith in their current one. Be a neutral sounding board. Acknowledge and validate their feelings without taking a position on the details of their care or their illness. Leave the rest to the experts.
If you or someone else in your life has also been diagnosed with depression, resist the urge to project these experiences onto your partner's situation. Everyone's symptoms are different. Everyone responds differently to medication and therapy.
If you have a mood disorder yourself, or if you're emotionally vulnerable for whatever reason, proceed with extreme caution. Think carefully about how constant exposure to a significant other's depressive symptoms will affect you. If you decide to move forward, be proactive and diligent about self-care. _Your mental health comes first._If you wind up in psychological distress as a result of the relationship, you impose an unnecessary burden on an already burdened partner, and both of you will suffer for it. There is no shame in admitting that you aren't well-suited for this particular challenge. The earlier you're able to come to terms with this, the easier it will be for both of you.
Read the f^ck out of whatever reliable sources you can find about depression for the sake of being knowledgeable enough not to put your foot in your mouth, but for the love of all that is holy do not let this tempt you into playing therapist. This is for your own edification, not so you can fix your partner or show off.
That said, no matter how much you study, if you do not have a confirmed diagnosis of depression yourself, you don't understand their experience. Not fully. Sometimes, you'll have to take them at their word, because you'll never be able to wrap your head around the matter at hand. You will need to accept and embrace this as fact for the relationship to work. Some people have difficulty with the concept that a relatively advantaged person cannot fully understand the experience of a relatively disadvantaged person, or that the disadvantaged person's voice carries more weight with regard to their own experience. If you're the kind of person whose hackles get raised when someone suggests that your privilege be checked, you have some reckoning to do before take the relationship to the next level.
"Determined To Drown"[rebelmouse-image 18346625 is_animated_gif=
"You can't save someone who is determined to drown"
It's a horrible phrase, but if someone has the means and just refuses to get the help they need (therapist, medication, abuses substances as a quick cover, etc) then they have decided and are determined to drown themselves. Depression isn't a rational illness, and there are times someone will actively fight against getting better.
You can beg, and plead, and fight, and drag them to therapy, and sit in sessions with them - but they have to do the work and if they refuse there is literally nothing more you can do. It's heartbreaking.
It comes from the metaphor that depression is like drowning in the ocean. Certain things will make you drown quicker and some things will give you something to float on the surface but unless you find and work through the causes you won't ever get out of the water
Know What You're Getting Into[rebelmouse-image 18359335 is_animated_gif=
If you can't handle someone who needs emotional support, don't get in a relationship with them. It might sound bad, but people battling depression need monitoring and support. Someone who can see past the facade they sometimes put up to hide their pain. Honestly, anyone with something like PTSD, Depression, BiPolar, Anxiety, etc, they need someone who is willing to listen and be there for them. I do agree with the person who said you can't be a partner and a counselor, but having been in that relationship before, you do end up being that from time to time.
If you make the decission to stay, you have to realize this is the situation you have to deal with, you have to be supportive but also need to take care of yourself. You matter too. Put yourself in your partner's shoes, support her on sticking to treatment/meds, if you can, find some activities you can do together, even ifit's just playing checkers, but also try and do something that gets you out of the house, a hobbie, spend some time with your friends. And keep in mind this situation may not be long term.
Having said that... You have all the right to walk out of that relationship if you can't or won't deal with it.
You have to think of yourself and your own wellbeing/mental health. It doesn't make you a bad person to get out of it. It's your choice.
It's Nothing Personal[rebelmouse-image 18359336 is_animated_gif=
It's not a reflection on how good or bad a partner you are. Try not to take it personally. I've known people who think if someone is still depressed while dating them that they must be doing something wrong. That they're not good enough to make them happy, etc etc. And that's so completely not the case.. Unfortunately mental illnesses don't just disappear once you're in a relationship. Someone could be in a relationship that they're really happy with and still be struggling badly with depression. It's really not a reflection on the partner.
Support System[rebelmouse-image 18359337 is_animated_gif=
Dealing with depression is difficult and exhausting for everyone involved, including your SO. It takes a lot of energy, a lot of confidence in oneself, and a strong foundation of healthy communication skills in order to make a relationship work through depression.
My partner has suffered from depression for longer than I can remember (and I've known her since grade school). There are ups and downs, for sure. But even at her lowest points she's a compassionate, hard-working person who loves me and wants the best for me. I love her and want the best for her. The hardest thing is to acknowledge that sometimes, helping her is just not possible and I have to back off for my own sanity. A major depressive episode is like a bottomless pit, and you can throw energy into it until you have none left and not even make a dent for the person you're trying to help. When it's like that, the only thing I can do as a supportive partner is let her know my love for her has no limits by my actions do.
That is something they have to understand from their end too. If your relationships are to last through the darkest times, you have to be able to love someone even when they set limits on their love. They have to be proactive about their own mental health and ongoing support (therapists, trusted friends, self care, etc). They may never be able to "fix" their depression, but they need manage it to the best of their abilities.
You must have multiple sources of support. Your partner must have several sources of support as well. If you rely only on each other you will both burn out. Lean on friends and family when you can. See a therapist - and maybe your SO could see one too. You both need to be able to say "I can't handle helping you right now, please turn to someone else." But in order to say that you need to have someone else to turn to.
My relationship with my partner is getting better over time. We know each other better every year, and she knows more about how to take care of herself every year. Her depression is never going to go away... but we work through it because the good is worth more than the bad.
Don't Feel Bad[rebelmouse-image 18359338 is_animated_gif=
Don't feel bad or scared if you need leave them. They might even kind of want you to. Source: currently in treatment for depression, too depressed/weak to break up with my lady even though I want to.
Call Them Out[rebelmouse-image 18359339 is_animated_gif=
It might sound harsh but don't let them get away with too much because that they are ill. A certain number of allowances for their illness is called for, but if they are rude, mean or inconsiderate, call them out on it. Don't be afraid to ask them when YOU need something - just be specific in what you need them to do, e.g. 'do the dishes today please' as appose to 'do more around the house'.
Savior Complex[rebelmouse-image 18359340 is_animated_gif=
If the person is willing to work on their illness then you should get down in the weeds with them, encourage their treatment, and be as involved as you can. You can't anchor yourself to a sinking ship. They need to do the work, you are just support. If you are some person with a unfufilled savior complex then move along, it doesn't work like that.
Have Your Own Space[rebelmouse-image 18359341 is_animated_gif=
My wife of 10 years has had depression for a couple of years as a side-effect of a physical illness she has. She feels useless and it hurts her mentally. I've learned through trial and error that you can never be their councilor. Support them and help them, but never tell them how to get better.
Having your own space is incredibly important because I don't have the motivation to help her if I never have any time to myself.
Sometimes you only need to experience something once, to know it's a never again situation.
I always say, try everything once.
Well, now that I'm older, a caveat to that is... try it all within reason.
How many things have we all walked away from saying the one time experience will suffice?
In fact, knowing when to say no is one of life's wisest choices.
Redditor Croakied wanted to discuss the times we've all said... "once was enough!" They asked:
"What is one thing that you will NEVER do again?"
Love. Did it. A few times. Moving on.
Stay StillTravel GIF by Grish MajethiyaGiphy
"Jump off a moving train."
"My dad used to jump on a train when he was little to go to school. He broke his nose like twice doing it. He also would not recommend."
"Smoke alcohol. Me and my friends bought something called a 'vaportini' in college where you could pour alcohol into a bulb and after low heat separated the alcohol from the liquid, you could inhale it thru the glass straw you inserted into the bulb. Basically you got drunk directly into your bloodstream/brain and it never hit your stomach."
"If you did too much, your body wouldn’t make you vomit or something, there wouldn’t be a simple self regulation/safety measure. You’d just get alcohol poisoning. Felt very dangerous, the drunk wasn’t a regular drunk feeling. We used it once and were like okay, never again. I’d be surprised if you could still buy it, although it would be incredibly easy to replicate at home."
"Fall in love with a drug addict."
"Good call, don’t do it. The drugs will always come first. Can’t go out unless their 'ok' with how much drugs they have and money left over if any, cant make love unless they have their fix for the night and even still it never feels normal, can’t trust them after the lies to get drugs and the manipulation they put you through, and you can’t change them no matter how much you try and wish they would. It’s heartbreaking."
More me time...
"Give up my life for work. F**k going the extra mile for a place that doesn't value you and pays you crap even though you go the extra mile for them. You have 1 life with only so much precious time to enjoy it and slaving away at some job is not worth it. Do what you can to reduce your workload and find better employment, or hell try to change the working conditions at your current job to improve things for everyone if you can."
"Donate a kidney."
"Well, you could donate the remaining one. You just won’t be around to say anything about it."
This is definitely list I can relate to. No thank you on a lot of this!
I QuitSmoke Smoking GIF by OriginalsGiphy
"Smoke cigarettes, it's been two years since I quit."
"Climb mount Kilimanjaro. Toughest thing I've done and it's not worth it. I'm all about tough treks and camping but to put yourself under tough conditions and suspectable to altitude sickness only to get to the top for 10 minutes for a picture. No thank you."
"I agree, it was memorable. Once was enough for my husband and I. Thankfully we stayed at American style hotel run by the US Navy with a hot tub and bar. Alcohol was definitely needed after all that."
I'm living alone!
"Sign a lease with a stranger without hanging out with them a few times beforehand. My past roommate experiences in college were terrible. Roommates either ignored me, hosted parties til 3 AM on weeknights, made the house the hangout and drug-den for them and their buddies. Meet up once and they'll put on an act for you. If you can, try to see how they act drunk or frustrated."
"Try to hang out with their buddies too so you can see the type of people who could be coming into your future place of residence. As soon as I can afford it, I'm living alone! Now, I investigate a potential roommate's social media and hang out at least twice before signing a lease with them."
"Take back a cheater. Know your worth my brothers and sisters."
"Ughhhhh going back and forth on this one. My boyfriend of 5 years has cheated on me. Several times, actually but says he’s really changed and is ready to settle down and wants me to move in with him. I’m on the fence. So they never change???"
SleeptimeTired Good Night GIF by HBO MaxGiphy
"Take a laxative and sleeping pill at the same time."
Once, twice, three times... I'm out. Bye.
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There is an age old question that has been getting more traction surrounding sex for partners the last decade or so.
And that is... "is just one enough?"
Were we really meant to only be with one person forever?
There are so many flavors to taste.
What if your partner wants more cookie dough with your strawberry?
Redditor Pineapple-Status wanted to hear everyone's thoughts on opening the bedroom to others. They asked:
"What would you do if your long term SO suddenly wants to have sex with other people?"
I say I'd be ok with it, but I'm remembering my last relationship and I feel like I'm not a "put my $ where my mouth is type" on this issue.
ByeJimmy Fallon Reaction GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy FallonGiphy
"Wish her well and spend the next 2 years getting myself back to a place where I am ready to get hurt again."
It's Time to Roll On...
"Personally I would leave them."
"I think they're the ones leaving you. I don't think the relationship changes at that point; I think it ends. If you have a monogamous relationship, they are telling you they want to end that. They might be suggesting starting a new, non-monogamous relationship, but that is a separate thing. The original relationship is over."
"OP, it's no different than anything else they want: you either agree and stay together, disagree but stay together, disagree and break up, or even agree and break up. What you're talking about is called 'ethical non-monogamy.'" The seminal book to read is called The Ethical Sl*t."
"It basically boils down to be whatever you want, just don't lie about it. The tricky thing is that this is something that was not present before, but is present now. So it's a potential fork in your road. If you're against it, it's up to your SO to decide if sex with other people is more important to them than a life with you."
a different story...
"I think it depends too how intently they're interested. If it's a thing they bring up because they're curious but it's not a dealbreaker for them, I'm fine with that even if I don't want to proceed. A solid relationship involves open communication, and it'd make me happy if my partner trusted us and our bond enough to voice that curiosity with me."
"If it's something their heart's absolutely set on, then it's a different story. Either way, it's kind of strange to me how these posts always assume simply asking your partner how they feel about opening the relationship means they're now wholey invested in the poly lifestyle and they'll resent you or cheat if you say no."
OthersSexy Jessica Alba GIFGiphy
"Happy that we have common interest, sad that it's different 'other people."
Sex is always an issue. Remember when it was just fun?
Mineangry youre mine GIF by Team CocoGiphy
"Leave her. I’m far too possessive and jealous to be able to mentally accept polyamory. If she has a desire to be with other people I’m not going to stand in her way but I’m not going to be there when she gets home either."
"Break up. My parents were poly and it's just not for me. I've been honest with every relationship I've been in that I'm not interested in any type of open relationship. If they want to be with someone else that's fine but we'll be over. My husband is aware of this and on board (and has been for over twenty years!). So if he came to me with this yes I would be heartbroken but I'm not willing to budge on this and it would be the end of our relationship."
"Counseling time! We're married. I'm chronically ill (stage 4 breast cancer) and have no libido. We try to make intimacy work, and obviously in that case it wouldn't be working. So. Time for a pro to sort out the marriage, and possibly a sex therapist for me."
"I’ll put myself hypothetically in this position. My partner and I only want each other. We’ve made this abundantly clear to each other. However, if she came to me with desire to open our bedroom and she wanted to sleep with people outside our marriage."
"I would simply express how I vehemently do not an open bedroom and that it would kill any desire I have to want her, be with her, love her, etc. Our couple dynamic has been working well through our ups and downs. Involving some stranger in the ONE thing I find most sacred with my partner is the best way for me to lose any interest or passion for the relationship."
FarewellLove You Goodbye GIF by truTV’s At Home with Amy SedarisGiphy
"Break it off, because they definitely already have someone in mind and you telling them no won't change the fact that they were only one step away from following through with it."
Well it feels like a lot of people still believe in one partner, happily ever after. Good for y'all. But big props to these couples who have open and honest conversations about their wants and needs.
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Many of us sometimes fantasize about what we would do to our worst enemies, especially in the moments when they're actively making our lives worse.
While most of us would never actually do any of the things that we contemplate instead of screaming at that super annoying person at the office, we do get pretty creative with the ideas.
Redditor take_me_there_ asked:
"What WOULD you wish on your worst enemy?"
This One Would Hurt
"A conscience. Let her realize the horrific things she’s done."
"Seriously. Introspection, self awareness, and empathy are traits that would improve a lot of sh*tty people."
"Oh I wish I had thought of this one. If my enemy had a conscience, wow life would be much different."
No Pearly Whites For You
"I’d like all their teeth to turn really yellow and stay yellow no matter what they do."
"What did I ever do to you?"
"I don't even know you! Give me back my enamel!"
Everything You Own Is Orange NowSnl Cheetos GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy
"Permanent Cheeto fingers. Just orange cheese dust getting on everything."
"This has to be one of the most evil things I ever heard, yet absolutely hilarious."
"The Midas Touch: Snack Edition"
Ouch, But Forever
"Stubbing and breaking their toe and right as it’s about to be done healing it happens again over and over for the rest of their pitiful time on this hell we call earth."
"More of a Toemetheus imo"
"For them to realize how big of an a-hole they are."
"Same for me. The trouble is mine probably knows what a tremendous a-hole he is, and just doesn't care (it's what defines him, is his outlook more than likely), so, give mine a conscience as well, he undeniably lacks one."
"a crushing moment of self realization is something that can destroy you mentally. I wish that on them."
Bury Them Under A Mountain Of Minor Inconveniences
"Always being hungry two hours after eating no matter how large the meal. Slow internet. Traffic jams no matter the location. Self doubt. Allergies. Favorite shows spoiled."
"Nothing major enough to be life altering but constant, low grade inconveniences that wear on your soul every day."
"Every bite of food they eat/drink they drink being slightly the wrong temperature."
"Coffee? Warm but not hot. Cola? Cool, but not cold. Muffin? Ever so slightly frozen."
"Not enough to ruin their life, but just enough to not quite have full enjoyment of anything.."
They'll Never Be Able To Use Their Computer Again
"Quick scan with McAfee on their computer."
"You f**king monster."
"The constant pop-ups from McAfee is too far."
That's A New Level Of Evil
"Currently dealing with bed bugs, and I can absolutely confirm this is the kind of thing I would wish upon my worst enemy. It is miserable and painful, and I've tried everything to get rid of them at this point."
"I would easily wish this upon my worst enemy, x10."
"Oh hell no, you went there... Hopefully they aren't living in an apartment complex or you've cursed everyone in the building."
Well of course I know him. He’s me.Animated GIFGiphy
"$100,000. I sure could use it."
"'It’s no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy'"
"Lol I thought this was that deep sh*t like 'pray for those you resent to have all the things you want in life….' Then I realized."
Forever Constipatedthe powerpuff girls bubbles GIFGiphy
"That they can never have a satisfying poop. They always feel like they have to go to the bathroom and when they do nothing comes."
- [User Deleted]
"Wow. That's evil. Always feeling the need to pee would be good (as in horrific) too."
We definitely don't recommend implementing any of these plans (not that most would actually be possible), but here's some new ideas for the next time you're stuck in a meeting with your most annoying coworker and need a little fantastical escape.
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I grew up poor, and I remember the little things that made me smile when we just happened to have enough that week.
The little things that a truly rich person would not think twice about.
Ah, the luxury of it.
What spells luxury for you?
Redditor ConAir161057 wanted to compare notes about the things in life that feel like items only money can buy. They asked:
"For people who grew up with little money, what always felt like a luxury?"
New clothes. I had so many hand me downs and thrift store clothes... new seemed like a dream.
AnxietyNervous Anxiety GIF by blackbearGiphy
"After growing up in a home where every unexpected problem was a financial emergency, my idea of wealthy became 'I just want enough money that if something breaks I don't get anxiety about how to deal with it.'"
"Getting to buy something from the scholastic book fair."
"My school, at the end of it a bunch of books were 'donated' and then spread out on a table in the library. We all got to go pick one book. So even if kids didn’t get to purchase a book, in the end they had a chance to still get a book. It’s actually how I got my first Harry Potter book. Was a cool idea for any school staff or parents active in their kids’ schools."
"Getting new clothes at Christmas from relatives. I don't know if that is exactly a luxury or the kind of answer you are looking for, but we never had a lot of money when I was in middle school. I went an entire year wearing the same pants everyday. The funny thing was my parents didn't even buy them for me."
"I got them for Christmas from my Grandparents. All the kids use to give me so much sh*t for wearing the same pants everyday. I always told them that I had 5 of the same pair which made me feel good inside and kind of made them ease off even though I know they didn't believe me."
"I remember I fell on the school bus one day and the jagged floor cut a hole right in the knee cap and the panic that went over me was just insane. It was one of the worst feelings of my whole life because I knew that I didn't have any other pants to wear and that now all of the kids in my school were going to know that I only had 1 pair. Needless to say I could not wait for the last month of school to end."
"Summer camp, or basically any school trips that had to be paid for. At my school the kids who couldn't afford to go on trips that happened during school hours still had to come to the school, we just sat in a room and did extra work like it was detention."
"I was lucky. If you taught at the day camp your kid could go for free. That was just day camp though not sleepaway camp. My mom found a camp teacher who had no kids of his own and he signed me up as his kid so I could get free day camp. Did that all through elementary school."
Big DealsPizza Pizza Pizza Dancing GIF by Domino’s UK and ROIGiphy
"Going out for pizza was a big deal. Those free mini pizzas for reading books were huge."
Food is always an issue when you're broke.
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"Being able to turn on the heat in the cold and pay a professional to fix damaged appliances, plumbing, and other issues."
"When my grandma would come pick me up and spoil me. My parents didn't have much money and were addicts so when my grandma would come get me I would come back with new clothes, video games, toys, etc. I used to think my grandma was rich but she actually just had a stable income."
"I was in this position when I was younger. I always thought my grandma had SO much money… but all she did was go to work everyday. Always made sure I had clothes and all my school supplies. I miss her pretty bad."
"I am from a small island in the Pacific. While I mostly still take cold showers, I have always felt that a hot shower is the finest luxury one can experience. I had my first hot shower when I was 22 years old and I can never forget it."
"This is the kind of luxury I think people take for granted, I always avoided showers in the winter as a kid since most of the time they where cold showers and the temperature here was around 12c° during those times."
"Towels. Honestly, I was almost 10 When I realized people didn’t just put back on their dirty clothes after a shower because my family was so large (12 kids total including myself) and extremely poor. I thought towels were just for hotels or were maybe a prop on television. I went to a friends house and she asked for my help folding her towels. I remember laughing and thinking she must be rich."
"Long story short, I wasn’t sure which way to fold the towels, and begged my mom to buy them after I revealed that my friend, Simone, had them. She bought a box of used ones from a local auction and I walked around with them on my head feeling like a frigging empress after that, even though—-let’s be clear… these were second hand towels!"
Or BK...ronald mcdonald yes GIF by McDonald's CZ/SKGiphy
"Grew up poor and when I was a kid I used to think you were rich if you had a dishwasher and a millionaire if you had one of those refrigerators that have a button for ice. McDonalds was also a luxury, a couple times a year on our birthdays."
Everyone should have access to all of these things. Why is life unfair?
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