Relationship Experts Open Up About How To Date Someone With Depression
Depression takes a toll not just on the depressed person, but on everyone around them as well. That doesn't mean people with depression should be avoided, it means that loving a person with depression requires just a little bit of extra prep. One Reddit user asked:
People really chimed in on this one! Not just people dating someone with depression, either. A lot of people with depression spoke up sharing the things they want their partners to do or know. Overall, people seemed to agree that it was hard but could be so worthwhile.
As a partner, you can help someone have a happy life, but that is very different from being able to cure someone's depression.
There is an ocean of difference between being supportive in your partner's time of need and being a therapist, you can't do the latter. Treating depression is way above the paygrade of a partner, and should be in the hands of a professional. Think of it like any other health problem, if your partner came home with a broken leg and insisted they didn't need to go to the doctor and all they need is for you to help, you would have their butt in the car/cab/ambulance before they finished the sentence.
Don't burn yourself out trying to fix them, you can't because you aren't the problem. But you can help them get the help they need.
Know that it's OK to feel frustrated and angry about the situation, and not just on behalf of your partner, just because it's hard on you.
Take breaks and assert your need for your own space and taking care of your mental needs as well. If you are exhausted and drained, you aren't any good to anyone, so everyone benefits.
Don't let your partner manipulate you with their depression. Saying things like, "you are the only reason I go on living," is not necessarily romantic. They can make you feel trapped and like you can't be assertive about what you need or have your own space. Be wary of a time when your relationship may switch from you supporting a partner through a health crisis, to you feeling like you are being held hostage by their misery.
Anyone who says, "I can't live without you, if you leave me I will kill myself," is likely not in a state where they can even be a partner to you. You don't have to completely abandon them, but what that person needs is a friend and some serious professional help. That is not a loving thing to say, it's a scary threat - leave.
Keep An Eye Out
Keep an eye on them.
Not like a suspicious side glance, or becoming an overbearing, overwhelming guardian like figure...
But if they're sleeping a little later, a lot more, or they're a bit quieter than usual, or changing the way they eat, or whatever... Just ask what's up? And then just ride through the storm with them. You're not gonna fix it, you really can't. But you can gauge what the temp is, and there are tiny ways you can help.
Only Stay If...
Mainly, it's important to remember that you can't stay with them because you are scared of how their depression would make them react. That will only make you resent them. Only stay if you truly want to stay.
Patience. Some days she wouldn't do anything. Even speak. I just laid with her and waited. She would quietly cry and wouldn't talk to me for hours.
Eventually she said this happens and if I wanted to leave, I could. I said I'd be patient. Eventually I got her to a doctor and after a few months and different cocktails of medicine, she rarely if ever goes catatonic, and has a relatively normal range of emotions.
She still gets bummed out sometimes but it's not as bad.
Now I keep back ups of her medicine in my backpack in case she ever forgets to take them.
It's a lot of effort but I find it's worth it.
We're engaged now and getting married in 2019.
They May Never Get Better
People with chronic depression may never get "better". There will be depressive episodes and incidents for their whole life. So if you're going to be with them, you have to just accept that depression will be there and things still need to get done. You have to keep going.
Basically. just don't stress about it. If they are in a depressive mood, don't get upset about it. When a person without depression gets upset, there is usually a reason and a method to make it better. People with chronic depression are just gonna be sad sometimes, its like a chronic physical illness. You basically need to learn to separate your emotions from theirs, otherwise they're going to bring you down and make you miserable. If it's gotten to the point where they make you miserable 24/7, then just dump them, because you're probably not cut out to handle depression.
You have to be a little bit callused if you want to survive your partner's depression, for the good of them and you.
Empathy And Careful Words
Always try to see things from their perspective. Empathy is important.
If they are having a panic attack, don't tell them to calm down. They know they need to calm down, but its not like a light switch. They can't just stop no matter how bad they want to. They may need a lot of time to calm down, so give that time and show patience instead of saying stuff they already know.
Additionally, always try and point out the positives of every situation. When someone is sad, counting your blessings can be difficult. You may be able to help them by clearly letting them know that yeah, things are bad right now, but its not all that way all the time. Don't point out broad or generic positives like "you're not homeless." It makes it seem like you're grasping at straws or may make them feel guilty for being sad when others have it so much worse. Instead, point out things that are good about the current situation, even if you have to get creative.
All in all, just think about how you say things and what you say very carefully. Always ask yourself how their depression would react to certain words or phrases. You do really have to think before you speak because you can't un-say something.
Use the "Oxygen-mask method."
When the masks fall from a ceiling during a flight, we are told to secure our mask first before assisting others. Make sure you can take care of yourself first and help them second. As most people here have said, you're not a psychiatrist or therapist or counselor. You are there for support and to encourage them to go see those people. It will only make both of your lives worse if your life outside of the relationship is negatively impacted.
Study enough, get to work on time, do what you need to do in your own life so that you can help your partner without worrying about school or work. None of this is your (or your partner's) fault. Lastly and probably most importantly: As much as you really truly wish that your love would be enough to make them better - it won't. It's an important part of your relationship but they need actual help from actual professionals.
Talk About It
We find that as long as we are TALKING (I'm having a bad day, or I'm cranky, or whatever), it makes it so much better.
It puts it out there. If I tell him I'm cranky, he now knows that I'm not slamming the dishes around because I'm mad at him; If he tells me he's had a bad day, I know that his sighs and anger-growls aren't directed at me. Without the communication, the frustration, depression, etc just feeds into a cycle until we are both in such a state that...well, it just goes poorly.
And, if your partner tells you that they're having a bad day...it can reset focus. It gives you a chance to take a step back, and decide to focus on THEM instead. And if you're also having a bad day, it gives them a chance to do the same.
Or, you can both accept that it's just one of those days where each of you just needs to...just be. Be in that funk, or do whatever it is to help improve your mood in whatever way you can.
Talking about it is so, so crucial.
The Downward Spiral
If you start to feel the downward spiral yourself, it might be time to leave.
My ex GF suffered from depression. We dated for 7 years, and she was very depressed for probably the last 5 of those years. I am the opposite--always upbeat, can have fun anywhere, very happy almost always. Her depression wore on me, and home wasn't a happy place anymore. I noticed near the end that I was staying at work later to avoid coming home, since it was always darkened, and she was ALWAYS in bed, under the covers, reading amateur romance web comics/novels. The only light in the apartment was her laptop screen illuminating her face. She never wanted to go anywhere, do anything, talk, or have sex. I hated going home, and I hated the relationship I was in. After some time, I noticed that I wasn't happy myself. I was no longer upbeat. No longer smiling just because. I was getting depressed. She was making me depressed. And I knew I had to get out. So I did.
That time of my life, when I look back at it, has a dark filter in my memories. I think I dodged a bullet. I was being pulled into her depression spiral, and nearly went head first. It's not her fault. I don't blame her. But I had to look after my own mental health, and I knew that I had to go.
Don't feel like you need to stay in any relationship out of a sense of obligation, or feel like you're a shitty person for breaking up with someone because they're depressed. Make that evaluation yourself.
They Need To Get Help
I have depression and am currently going on dates with a lady friend. I've made it a point in my life to try to unload as little emotional baggage on friends and partners as possible, because I have a therapist who is paid to listen to me. Point being, don't be in a relationship with someone with depression unless they're getting the help they need, and making an active effort to use it.
...I know this is hypocritical, but to be honest this makes me unsure if I'm strong enough to commit to move on from casual dating and commit to a relationship.
Another person said the same thing but from a different perspective:
Force them into therapy. I didn't do this with my partner and he started hitting me. If they refuse to go, dump their ass.
Initiate The Healing Process
Take the time to initiate the healing process after a fight. This really only matters if the depressed person is willing to admit they're wrong when they are. Don't be with someone who makes you the bad guy all the time.
Communication is very important and making amends can really take the stress off of the mind of the depressed. What could be a bit of anger for you could be torture for them, even little things can make depression spiral out of control. Especially if you're in a serious relationship, your words and opinions should mean a great deal to them. If you're upset with them, they might feel double the pain from being upset with themselves for making you upset.
Of course, there are a great deal of depressed folk who are actually really crappy people just like there are in any group. So if they're a nice person then this relates, if they're not nice people then it's not worth the hassle.
You Need A Professional
Understand that depression is a disease. Like any disease, it needs to be treated by an appropriate, impartial professional. Do not fancy yourself the knight in shining armor who will pluck your beloved from the bell jar to live happily ever after. If you can't let go of that fantasy, you need to let go of the relationship sooner rather than later.
As a partner, it is not your place to offer unsolicited medical or psychiatric advice. It is especially not your place to do so if you aren't qualified to treat depression as a doctor or mental health professional. If you are asked for your input, encourage your partner to seek treatment from a professional, or to seek a second opinion if they express a lack of faith in their current one. Be a neutral sounding board. Acknowledge and validate their feelings without taking a position on the details of their care or their illness. Leave the rest to the experts.
If you or someone else in your life has also been diagnosed with depression, resist the urge to project these experiences onto your partner's situation. Everyone's symptoms are different. Everyone responds differently to medication and therapy.
If you have a mood disorder yourself, or if you're emotionally vulnerable for whatever reason, proceed with extreme caution. Think carefully about how constant exposure to a significant other's depressive symptoms will affect you. If you decide to move forward, be proactive and diligent about self-care. _Your mental health comes first._If you wind up in psychological distress as a result of the relationship, you impose an unnecessary burden on an already burdened partner, and both of you will suffer for it. There is no shame in admitting that you aren't well-suited for this particular challenge. The earlier you're able to come to terms with this, the easier it will be for both of you.
Read the f^ck out of whatever reliable sources you can find about depression for the sake of being knowledgeable enough not to put your foot in your mouth, but for the love of all that is holy do not let this tempt you into playing therapist. This is for your own edification, not so you can fix your partner or show off.
That said, no matter how much you study, if you do not have a confirmed diagnosis of depression yourself, you don't understand their experience. Not fully. Sometimes, you'll have to take them at their word, because you'll never be able to wrap your head around the matter at hand. You will need to accept and embrace this as fact for the relationship to work. Some people have difficulty with the concept that a relatively advantaged person cannot fully understand the experience of a relatively disadvantaged person, or that the disadvantaged person's voice carries more weight with regard to their own experience. If you're the kind of person whose hackles get raised when someone suggests that your privilege be checked, you have some reckoning to do before take the relationship to the next level.
"Determined To Drown"
"You can't save someone who is determined to drown"
It's a horrible phrase, but if someone has the means and just refuses to get the help they need (therapist, medication, abuses substances as a quick cover, etc) then they have decided and are determined to drown themselves. Depression isn't a rational illness, and there are times someone will actively fight against getting better.
You can beg, and plead, and fight, and drag them to therapy, and sit in sessions with them - but they have to do the work and if they refuse there is literally nothing more you can do. It's heartbreaking.
It comes from the metaphor that depression is like drowning in the ocean. Certain things will make you drown quicker and some things will give you something to float on the surface but unless you find and work through the causes you won't ever get out of the water
Know What You're Getting Into
If you can't handle someone who needs emotional support, don't get in a relationship with them. It might sound bad, but people battling depression need monitoring and support. Someone who can see past the facade they sometimes put up to hide their pain. Honestly, anyone with something like PTSD, Depression, BiPolar, Anxiety, etc, they need someone who is willing to listen and be there for them. I do agree with the person who said you can't be a partner and a counselor, but having been in that relationship before, you do end up being that from time to time.
If you make the decission to stay, you have to realize this is the situation you have to deal with, you have to be supportive but also need to take care of yourself. You matter too. Put yourself in your partner's shoes, support her on sticking to treatment/meds, if you can, find some activities you can do together, even ifit's just playing checkers, but also try and do something that gets you out of the house, a hobbie, spend some time with your friends. And keep in mind this situation may not be long term.
Having said that... You have all the right to walk out of that relationship if you can't or won't deal with it.
You have to think of yourself and your own wellbeing/mental health. It doesn't make you a bad person to get out of it. It's your choice.
It's Nothing Personal
It's not a reflection on how good or bad a partner you are. Try not to take it personally. I've known people who think if someone is still depressed while dating them that they must be doing something wrong. That they're not good enough to make them happy, etc etc. And that's so completely not the case.. Unfortunately mental illnesses don't just disappear once you're in a relationship. Someone could be in a relationship that they're really happy with and still be struggling badly with depression. It's really not a reflection on the partner.
Dealing with depression is difficult and exhausting for everyone involved, including your SO. It takes a lot of energy, a lot of confidence in oneself, and a strong foundation of healthy communication skills in order to make a relationship work through depression.
My partner has suffered from depression for longer than I can remember (and I've known her since grade school). There are ups and downs, for sure. But even at her lowest points she's a compassionate, hard-working person who loves me and wants the best for me. I love her and want the best for her. The hardest thing is to acknowledge that sometimes, helping her is just not possible and I have to back off for my own sanity. A major depressive episode is like a bottomless pit, and you can throw energy into it until you have none left and not even make a dent for the person you're trying to help. When it's like that, the only thing I can do as a supportive partner is let her know my love for her has no limits by my actions do.
That is something they have to understand from their end too. If your relationships are to last through the darkest times, you have to be able to love someone even when they set limits on their love. They have to be proactive about their own mental health and ongoing support (therapists, trusted friends, self care, etc). They may never be able to "fix" their depression, but they need manage it to the best of their abilities.
You must have multiple sources of support. Your partner must have several sources of support as well. If you rely only on each other you will both burn out. Lean on friends and family when you can. See a therapist - and maybe your SO could see one too. You both need to be able to say "I can't handle helping you right now, please turn to someone else." But in order to say that you need to have someone else to turn to.
My relationship with my partner is getting better over time. We know each other better every year, and she knows more about how to take care of herself every year. Her depression is never going to go away... but we work through it because the good is worth more than the bad.
Don't Feel Bad
Don't feel bad or scared if you need leave them. They might even kind of want you to. Source: currently in treatment for depression, too depressed/weak to break up with my lady even though I want to.
Call Them Out
It might sound harsh but don't let them get away with too much because that they are ill. A certain number of allowances for their illness is called for, but if they are rude, mean or inconsiderate, call them out on it. Don't be afraid to ask them when YOU need something - just be specific in what you need them to do, e.g. 'do the dishes today please' as appose to 'do more around the house'.
If the person is willing to work on their illness then you should get down in the weeds with them, encourage their treatment, and be as involved as you can. You can't anchor yourself to a sinking ship. They need to do the work, you are just support. If you are some person with a unfufilled savior complex then move along, it doesn't work like that.
Have Your Own Space
My wife of 10 years has had depression for a couple of years as a side-effect of a physical illness she has. She feels useless and it hurts her mentally. I've learned through trial and error that you can never be their councilor. Support them and help them, but never tell them how to get better.
Having your own space is incredibly important because I don't have the motivation to help her if I never have any time to myself.
There are few things more satisfying than a crisp $20 bill. Well, maybe a crisp $100 bill.
But twenty big ones can get you pretty far nonetheless.
Whether it's tucked firmly in a birthday card, passing from hand to hand after a knee-jerk sports bet, or going toward a useful tool, the old twenty dollar bill has been used for countless purposes.
Breaking Even<p>"I got a jacket and a pair of jeans at goodwill for about $20. My first time wearing the jacket I found a tiny zipper inside a pocket."</p><p>"There was a secret inner pocket with a twenty in it."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdv70q?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TheBrontosaurus</a></p>
Keeps On Giving<p>"23 Years ago I was in the US for some work and was not prepared for the cold of Chicago. Went to wal-mart and bought myself a cheap, warm jacket."</p><p>"I'm wearing that jacket right now - still looks fine, still keeps me warm."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpe41xv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TastyEnd</a></p>
As Good As They Come<p>"Wool pinstripe double breasted suit from Goodwill, fit perfectly and was brand new. Ended up wearing it to get married the next year." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdw6mx?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">verminiusrex</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"God I love Goodwill!!" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpe5aee?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Neverthelilacqueen</a></p>
The Socks She Needed<p>"I work at a thrift shop. A homeless lady came in and asked us where the socks were. We only sell new socks, so I directed her towards the new socks and she was... shocked and disappointed by the price tag, surely."<br></p><p>"I gave her a moment as she looked, and she moved to some kids' socks and picked them up, and I... just couldn't let that happen. I told her that I would help her, and told her to get herself some socks and a jacket."</p><p>"She kind of just... held out the children's socks, so I took them, put them back, and grabbed the extra fluffy socks that were hanging."</p><p>"She grabs a jacket and some pants, and I pay for it. My coworker looks the other way since we're not supposed to purchase anything while on the clock. The lady is in tears as she walks out."</p><p>"I notice that she's still outside a minute later putting them on, and ask her if they fit her or if she needed something else; and she told me they were perfect and proceeded to cry. I cried in return."</p><p>"It was a good day."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpen3w1?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Snowodin</a></p>
Not Forgotten<p>"A guy came into my work when I managed a mom and pop Pizza Place. He said he was stranded with no phone, and no money, but that the people at the Verizon store next door to us said they could get him a cheap phone with some minutes on it for 20 bucks."</p><p>"He offered to do dishes for a few hours to make some money so he could get this phone. I told him not to worry about it and gave him a 20 from my wallet. He thanked me, asked me for my name, and then he left and I never saw him again."</p><p>"Skip forward about 5 months, and when I get into work the owner was there and said she had gotten a letter addressed to me. 'Weird,' I thought."</p><p>"But when I opened it there was a 50 dollar bill and a short note from the guy I gave 20 dollars to thanking me for my kindness and for not turning him away."</p><p>"Turns out he was in a bad way (addicted to hard drugs and homeless) and really was stranded there. He was trying to get a phone so he could contact his parents (who lived in another state) for help."</p><p>"From what it sounded like, he seemed to really turn his life around. He was clean and working a stable job while still living with his parents."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpem2xc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Mixmaster-McGuire</a></p>
The Best Finale<p>"It was the day before payday. My wife came to see me at work. My break was in an hour, so I asked for her to wait a bit, so we could enjoy it together. She did."</p><p>"I bought her some lunch, because it was what I could afford. I bought her a ham and cheese sub sandwich and two iced teas. These were her favorite. I bought gas with the rest of the twenty so she could get home. She dropped me back off at work."</p><p>"That night, she passed away. It brings me comfort to know that I bought her favorite sandwich and drink for her that afternoon. It was likely the last thing she ate, since it was near dinner. I'll never forget it. Best $20 I ever spent, because it was for her."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpe9c6d?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">LollipopDreamscape</a></p>
Leaning Into the Nerdery<p>"It was my ninth or tenth birthday. My grandparents gave me $20. The first $20 bill I ever held in my hand! I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it."</p><p>"A week later, we went into the city and Toys R Us. I went straight to the Transformers aisle. And there he was. My favourite Transformer. The one I always wanted...Soundwave."</p><p>"He's the one who turned into a Walkman and he could eject cassettes that turned into robot animals. The price tag said $19.99. It was meant to be."</p><p>"I took Soundwave to the clerk and gave her my $20 bill. "And here's your change!" she said, as she gave me a single penny."</p><p>"Ah, Soundwave. The best friend a lonely little nerd could have."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdzzxe?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">originalchaosinabox</a></p>
Different Time<p>"I went to a Rush concert in 1982. The ticket was $9.50 and the t-shirt was $10." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdyr0k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">PaulsRedditUsername</a></p>
Motivational Spending<p>"My then six year old niece had a loose tooth she loved to show off and had resisted pulling out for two weeks. We were all at my parents and I was getting ready to leave, I pulled out a $20 and said 'I'll give you this right now if you pull out your tooth.' "</p><p>"She was already crying because her little sister had did something so when she ran into the bathroom none of us had no idea in what she was about to do."</p><p>"So she comes out crying still, but a little bit of blood I'm her mouth because of course, she pulled out her tooth. But the now removed tooth fell down the drain to the sink and she was crying because she lost her proof!"</p><p>"After she calmed down she was happy as a clam with a brand new $20 and everyone was quite proud of her. My sister told me she spent it on candy and shared with her little sister."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdxi4k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">themasimumdorkus</a></p>
For the Story<p>"It was actually to a scammer in Rome. There was this guy right outside of Colosseum who started tying strings around my wrist and told me to make a wish. I knew it was going to cost but I thought what the hell, last day in Rome so might as well go with it. </p><p>"My wish was to find love."</p><p>"I spent rest of the day getting lost in the city and stumbled across two weddings and one baptism ceremony. So I did find love, just not for myself."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpe7b2w?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">FatalFinn</a></p>
I realize that school safety has been severely compromised and has been under dire scrutiny over the past decade and of course, it should be. And when I was a student, my safety was one of my greatest priorities but, some implemented rules under the guise of "safety" were and are... just plain ludicrous. Like who thinks up some of these ideas?Redditor u/Animeking1108 wanted to discuss how the education system has ideas that sometimes are just more a pain in the butt than a daily enhancement... What was the dumbest rule your school enforced?
Don't Peek<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDc4OS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzNDE0Mzc2OH0.Y1Lzy1MTqxyVqOCe9xjeHTRZsKnbyVjYzdb4-Heldyo/img.gif?width=980" id="78b19" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="e14a90be026b734830e7661f776ba4a8" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="475" data-height="475" />schitts creek wtf GIF by CBCGiphy<p>Took all the doors off the men's room bathroom stalls because of vandalism for 2 months.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gphrfce?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"> Endless_Vanity</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Endless_Vanity/" target="_blank"></a></p>
Scanned<p>School added thumb print scanners at gates of school which counted as registration - needless to say I would just walk to school scan my thumb and walk back home with them none the wiser. Was a great few months until they noticed. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpidnou?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">richpianofan5</a></p>
Age of Empires...<p>Conservative Christian College. A group of us played Age of Empires one weekend. They didn't like it and called a meeting. Everyone involved got misdemeanors on their records. There was nothing in the handbook about it being against the rules. The only person that didn't get any punishment was the son of the president even though he was just as involved as the rest of us. <span></span></p>
"Genius"<p>In my freshman year of high school we had a terrible vandalism problem, the bathrooms would be broken in various ways almost constantly. In a stroke of pure genius, the staff decided that any bathroom that was vandalized would be closed for the week on first offense, the quarter for second, and permanently on the third offense.</p><p>They took back the rule after closing every bathroom on day one. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpi77co?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"> Samus388</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Samus388/" target="_blank"></a></p>
Is this Footloose?<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDc5Ny9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzMzg0MjU2M30.PeBUt-YWZeeRStaD_RZlGPQzo29E9t733yqZbIiJlYs/img.gif?width=980" id="3a5bd" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="102730e3b1b90ba9cb393561c702c9af" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="500" data-height="500" />kevin bacon dancing GIF by STARZGiphy<p>Prom was a mandatory lockdown for the night in order to avoid students going to parties after prom.</p><p>Prom was held at various house parties across town instead. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpi37x7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Coffee-spree</a></p>
HOLDEN FOREVER!!!<p>My high school mascot was Daniel Boone holding a musket. A kid wore a Guns 'n Roses shirt to school and was told he had to change shirts because of the pistols on the shirt. He pointed out the hypocrisy of the school mascot and they changed EVERYTHING. The mascot was switched to holding a flag pole instead. <span></span></p>
No Dots<p>You couldn't wear ANY kind of head items that were "gang colours" (red or blue) - this No included hair bands, scrunchies, beads in your hair, ribbons - ANYTHING. I got in trouble for wearing a blue hair band with white polka dots. </p><p><span></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gphzpyf?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Pleasant-Flamingo344</a></p>
Clothes Check<p>We had to wear belts. Someone snitched that people weren't wearing belts under their sweaters, and they actually checked and a bunch of people got detentions. Stupid. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gphz3y6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ooo-ooo-oooyea</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gphz3y6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"></a>We had belt raids at my school where the dean would burst into classes, completely interrupting any education, to check that everyone was wearing a belt. </p><p><span></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpia8pp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">GuinnessMicrodose</a></p>
Chase the Flat<p>We weren't allowed to play tag football at lunch, only frisbee. When I asked the principal what the difference was, he responded with a sarcastic tone, "A football is round and a frisbee is a flat disk."</p><p>He left the school later that year, went to another school, and a few years later was brought up on charges for failing to report the abuse of a student by a teacher. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpi6lh3?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">uninc4life2010</a></p>
Poke-Thief<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDgwMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0ODg5MzY2Nn0.5LMPk1suou6U2SvAURKP-sHEuK7Izpkbxm0PWqvx95E/img.gif?width=980" id="b6e9f" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="92383d30e34aa92fd74cf6c1374ec294" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="480" />hotline bling pokemon GIFGiphy<p>Pokemon cards got banned in middle school because someone stole the vice principal's kid's cards. Yep. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpiapym?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"> Skadoosh_it</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Skadoosh_it/" target="_blank"></a></p>
In the Face...<p>If you were involved in a fight, you got suspended. While it sounds reasonable, context didn't matter.</p><p>I got suspended once not for throwing a single punch, kick, whatever. I got suspended because someone knocked the books out of my hand and when I reached down to grab them they punched me in the face.</p><p>I got suspended for walking down the hallway and unprovoked getting punched in the face.</p><p>Forget Brandon Valley Middle School. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpicbyx?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">CLG_MianBao</a></p>
One of the golden rules of life? Doctors are merely human. They don't know everything and they make mistakes. That is why you always want to get another opinion. Things are constantly missed. That doesn't mean docs don't know what they're doing, they just aren't infallible. So make sure to ask questions, lots of them.Redditor u/Gorgon_the_Dragon wanted to hear from doctors about why it is imperative we always get second and maybe third opinions by asking... Doctors of Reddit, what was the worse thing you've seen for a patient that another Doctor overlooked?
Grandma Wins<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDcxOC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0OTQxNTgzOX0.n9IaFGgHwnULMlI2kg7RUftxDg6lyWvdM9CnhvptCRY/img.gif?width=980" id="a0857" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="9762f97a23c27ccf6b75974caa854361" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="270" />Old Lady Wine GIF by MattielGiphy<p>Not a doctor, but my grandmother saved my father's eyesight because she didn't listen to their doctor. </p>
The Mummy Appendage<p>When I was a resident, an 80yo female was admitted from the nursing home for confusion. Workup showed some mild UTI and we were giving her antibiotics. The nurse mentioned that her toe looked dark and asked me to look at it. The toe wasn't just dark, it was mummified. It looked like dry beef jerky. I touched it and pieces flaked off. So the patient from a nursing home, had a mummified toe, probably for months, that no one knew about. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lw2g2z/doctors_of_reddit_what_was_the_worse_thing_youve/gpg00qn?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Dr2ray</a></p>
The CT Save<p>Here's my story:</p><p>A guy came in to our ICU and was very septic but still talking. He had visited his primary care MD with complaints of a sore throat for a couple of days. Dismissed without any intervention since he didn't appear to have strep throat or the flu. At this point he was having pretty severe abdominal discomfort, so we sent him for a CT scan. As the scan was finishing, he coded and had to be intubated, multi-organ failure, etc. </p>
Patches<p>When I was an ER nurse we got an elderly lady in for altered mental status from a nursing home, when we undressed her to put her in a gown and hook her up to the monitor, I noticed no less than 5 fentanyl patches on her, guess I discovered the cause of the AMS. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lw2g2z/doctors_of_reddit_what_was_the_worse_thing_youve/gpg1lml?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ChewbaccaSlim426</a></p>
Use your Words<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDcyMi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1MDA1NjI0MH0.WtyCdxL1vRZwD2-jpKZXMOEakwhiBaJIkp1YPnOzlvo/img.gif?width=980" id="e45ca" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f5b98e6a4605a587dbd97579468a51d8" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="498" data-height="367" />Communication GIF by memecandyGiphy<p>Neurologist sent patient to our ED without informing her that imaging showed a glioblastoma assuring her impending death. He didn't overlook the disease, he overlooked the communication. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lw2g2z/doctors_of_reddit_what_was_the_worse_thing_youve/gpfl5t5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">AzureSkye27</a></p>
Mad Cow Realty<p>During my residency we had this lady in her 60s who was getting progressively more forgetful, just overall declining and getting less and less able to take care of herself. She had been seeing her pcp who diagnosed her with dementia. And she saw a neurologist who agreed. She was not really able to provide an accurate history. <span></span></p>
After Birth...<p>I used to work in maternal-fetal medicine, and every single week, we would have women referred to us "because the doctor couldn't see something clearly with the baby and wanted to double check." Nope, they just didn't want to have to be the ones to tell you that your baby had a complex cardiac defect or multiple anomalies indicative of a genetic syndrome or any other of a large number of horrible things that can happen during fetal development. Still pisses me off when I think about how many women waited weeks for more information because their doctors were cowards who couldn't tell them, "There's something seriously wrong here." <span></span></p>
bad doctors<p>I'm not a doctor, but a RN. This happened to me, but isn't nearly as bad as most of the stories on here.</p><p>When I was in college, I got to where I couldn't swallow. It started with difficulty swallowing, progressed to me having to swallow bites of food multiple times/regurgitating it, and then got to where all I could swallow was broths and mashed potatoes with no chunks. I went to the doctor multiple times, and was told every time it was acid reflux and part of my anxiety disorder. <span></span></p>
The Valve...<p>He put the pacemaker lead in the subclavian artery (and across the aortic valve into the left ventricle). The proper approach is: subclavian vein to right ventricle). And then he didn't notice it for over a year. I saw the patient (a 25 yo woman who didn't need the pacemaker in the first place) when she was in congestive heart failure. <span></span><br></p>
Bitten<p>Rattlesnake bite. On a 2 year old. Patient and dad out in the fields near a small town that is several hours away from the nearest big city, where I work.</p>
When we think about learning history, our first thought is usually sitting in our high school history class (or AP World History class if you're a nerd like me) being bored out of our minds. Unless again, you're a huge freaking nerd like me. But I think we all have the memory of the moment where we realized learning about history was kinda cool. And they usually start from one weird fact.
Here are a few examples of turning points in learning about history, straight from the keyboards of the people at AskReddit.