
Relationship Experts Open Up About How To Date Someone With Depression
[rebelmouse-image 18359321 is_animated_gif=Depression takes a toll not just on the depressed person, but on everyone around them as well. That doesn't mean people with depression should be avoided, it means that loving a person with depression requires just a little bit of extra prep. One Reddit user asked:
People who are dating someone with depression, what is the biggest piece of advice you can give?
People really chimed in on this one! Not just people dating someone with depression, either. A lot of people with depression spoke up sharing the things they want their partners to do or know. Overall, people seemed to agree that it was hard but could be so worthwhile.
Take Breaks
[rebelmouse-image 18359322 is_animated_gif=As a partner, you can help someone have a happy life, but that is very different from being able to cure someone's depression.
There is an ocean of difference between being supportive in your partner's time of need and being a therapist, you can't do the latter. Treating depression is way above the paygrade of a partner, and should be in the hands of a professional. Think of it like any other health problem, if your partner came home with a broken leg and insisted they didn't need to go to the doctor and all they need is for you to help, you would have their butt in the car/cab/ambulance before they finished the sentence.
Don't burn yourself out trying to fix them, you can't because you aren't the problem. But you can help them get the help they need.
Know that it's OK to feel frustrated and angry about the situation, and not just on behalf of your partner, just because it's hard on you.
Take breaks and assert your need for your own space and taking care of your mental needs as well. If you are exhausted and drained, you aren't any good to anyone, so everyone benefits.
Don't let your partner manipulate you with their depression. Saying things like, "you are the only reason I go on living," is not necessarily romantic. They can make you feel trapped and like you can't be assertive about what you need or have your own space. Be wary of a time when your relationship may switch from you supporting a partner through a health crisis, to you feeling like you are being held hostage by their misery.
Anyone who says, "I can't live without you, if you leave me I will kill myself," is likely not in a state where they can even be a partner to you. You don't have to completely abandon them, but what that person needs is a friend and some serious professional help. That is not a loving thing to say, it's a scary threat - leave.
Keep An Eye Out
[rebelmouse-image 18359323 is_animated_gif=Keep an eye on them.
Not like a suspicious side glance, or becoming an overbearing, overwhelming guardian like figure...
But if they're sleeping a little later, a lot more, or they're a bit quieter than usual, or changing the way they eat, or whatever... Just ask what's up? And then just ride through the storm with them. You're not gonna fix it, you really can't. But you can gauge what the temp is, and there are tiny ways you can help.
Only Stay If...
[rebelmouse-image 18359325 is_animated_gif=Mainly, it's important to remember that you can't stay with them because you are scared of how their depression would make them react. That will only make you resent them. Only stay if you truly want to stay.
Patience
[rebelmouse-image 18359326 is_animated_gif=Patience. Some days she wouldn't do anything. Even speak. I just laid with her and waited. She would quietly cry and wouldn't talk to me for hours.
Eventually she said this happens and if I wanted to leave, I could. I said I'd be patient. Eventually I got her to a doctor and after a few months and different cocktails of medicine, she rarely if ever goes catatonic, and has a relatively normal range of emotions.
She still gets bummed out sometimes but it's not as bad.
Now I keep back ups of her medicine in my backpack in case she ever forgets to take them.
It's a lot of effort but I find it's worth it.
We're engaged now and getting married in 2019.
They May Never Get Better
[rebelmouse-image 18359327 is_animated_gif=People with chronic depression may never get "better". There will be depressive episodes and incidents for their whole life. So if you're going to be with them, you have to just accept that depression will be there and things still need to get done. You have to keep going.
Basically. just don't stress about it. If they are in a depressive mood, don't get upset about it. When a person without depression gets upset, there is usually a reason and a method to make it better. People with chronic depression are just gonna be sad sometimes, its like a chronic physical illness. You basically need to learn to separate your emotions from theirs, otherwise they're going to bring you down and make you miserable. If it's gotten to the point where they make you miserable 24/7, then just dump them, because you're probably not cut out to handle depression.
You have to be a little bit callused if you want to survive your partner's depression, for the good of them and you.
Empathy And Careful Words
[rebelmouse-image 18359328 is_animated_gif=Always try to see things from their perspective. Empathy is important.
If they are having a panic attack, don't tell them to calm down. They know they need to calm down, but its not like a light switch. They can't just stop no matter how bad they want to. They may need a lot of time to calm down, so give that time and show patience instead of saying stuff they already know.
Additionally, always try and point out the positives of every situation. When someone is sad, counting your blessings can be difficult. You may be able to help them by clearly letting them know that yeah, things are bad right now, but its not all that way all the time. Don't point out broad or generic positives like "you're not homeless." It makes it seem like you're grasping at straws or may make them feel guilty for being sad when others have it so much worse. Instead, point out things that are good about the current situation, even if you have to get creative.
All in all, just think about how you say things and what you say very carefully. Always ask yourself how their depression would react to certain words or phrases. You do really have to think before you speak because you can't un-say something.
Oxygen Mask
[rebelmouse-image 18359329 is_animated_gif=Use the "Oxygen-mask method."
When the masks fall from a ceiling during a flight, we are told to secure our mask first before assisting others. Make sure you can take care of yourself first and help them second. As most people here have said, you're not a psychiatrist or therapist or counselor. You are there for support and to encourage them to go see those people. It will only make both of your lives worse if your life outside of the relationship is negatively impacted.
Study enough, get to work on time, do what you need to do in your own life so that you can help your partner without worrying about school or work. None of this is your (or your partner's) fault. Lastly and probably most importantly: As much as you really truly wish that your love would be enough to make them better - it won't. It's an important part of your relationship but they need actual help from actual professionals.
Talk About It
[rebelmouse-image 18359330 is_animated_gif=We find that as long as we are TALKING (I'm having a bad day, or I'm cranky, or whatever), it makes it so much better.
It puts it out there. If I tell him I'm cranky, he now knows that I'm not slamming the dishes around because I'm mad at him; If he tells me he's had a bad day, I know that his sighs and anger-growls aren't directed at me. Without the communication, the frustration, depression, etc just feeds into a cycle until we are both in such a state that...well, it just goes poorly.
And, if your partner tells you that they're having a bad day...it can reset focus. It gives you a chance to take a step back, and decide to focus on THEM instead. And if you're also having a bad day, it gives them a chance to do the same.
Or, you can both accept that it's just one of those days where each of you just needs to...just be. Be in that funk, or do whatever it is to help improve your mood in whatever way you can.
Talking about it is so, so crucial.
The Downward Spiral
[rebelmouse-image 18359331 is_animated_gif=If you start to feel the downward spiral yourself, it might be time to leave.
My ex GF suffered from depression. We dated for 7 years, and she was very depressed for probably the last 5 of those years. I am the opposite--always upbeat, can have fun anywhere, very happy almost always. Her depression wore on me, and home wasn't a happy place anymore. I noticed near the end that I was staying at work later to avoid coming home, since it was always darkened, and she was ALWAYS in bed, under the covers, reading amateur romance web comics/novels. The only light in the apartment was her laptop screen illuminating her face. She never wanted to go anywhere, do anything, talk, or have sex. I hated going home, and I hated the relationship I was in. After some time, I noticed that I wasn't happy myself. I was no longer upbeat. No longer smiling just because. I was getting depressed. She was making me depressed. And I knew I had to get out. So I did.
That time of my life, when I look back at it, has a dark filter in my memories. I think I dodged a bullet. I was being pulled into her depression spiral, and nearly went head first. It's not her fault. I don't blame her. But I had to look after my own mental health, and I knew that I had to go.
Don't feel like you need to stay in any relationship out of a sense of obligation, or feel like you're a shitty person for breaking up with someone because they're depressed. Make that evaluation yourself.
They Need To Get Help
[rebelmouse-image 18359332 is_animated_gif=I have depression and am currently going on dates with a lady friend. I've made it a point in my life to try to unload as little emotional baggage on friends and partners as possible, because I have a therapist who is paid to listen to me. Point being, don't be in a relationship with someone with depression unless they're getting the help they need, and making an active effort to use it.
...I know this is hypocritical, but to be honest this makes me unsure if I'm strong enough to commit to move on from casual dating and commit to a relationship.
Another person said the same thing but from a different perspective:
Force them into therapy. I didn't do this with my partner and he started hitting me. If they refuse to go, dump their ass.
Initiate The Healing Process
[rebelmouse-image 18359333 is_animated_gif=Take the time to initiate the healing process after a fight. This really only matters if the depressed person is willing to admit they're wrong when they are. Don't be with someone who makes you the bad guy all the time.
Communication is very important and making amends can really take the stress off of the mind of the depressed. What could be a bit of anger for you could be torture for them, even little things can make depression spiral out of control. Especially if you're in a serious relationship, your words and opinions should mean a great deal to them. If you're upset with them, they might feel double the pain from being upset with themselves for making you upset.
Of course, there are a great deal of depressed folk who are actually really crappy people just like there are in any group. So if they're a nice person then this relates, if they're not nice people then it's not worth the hassle.
You Need A Professional
[rebelmouse-image 18359334 is_animated_gif=Understand that depression is a disease. Like any disease, it needs to be treated by an appropriate, impartial professional. Do not fancy yourself the knight in shining armor who will pluck your beloved from the bell jar to live happily ever after. If you can't let go of that fantasy, you need to let go of the relationship sooner rather than later.
As a partner, it is not your place to offer unsolicited medical or psychiatric advice. It is especially not your place to do so if you aren't qualified to treat depression as a doctor or mental health professional. If you are asked for your input, encourage your partner to seek treatment from a professional, or to seek a second opinion if they express a lack of faith in their current one. Be a neutral sounding board. Acknowledge and validate their feelings without taking a position on the details of their care or their illness. Leave the rest to the experts.
If you or someone else in your life has also been diagnosed with depression, resist the urge to project these experiences onto your partner's situation. Everyone's symptoms are different. Everyone responds differently to medication and therapy.
If you have a mood disorder yourself, or if you're emotionally vulnerable for whatever reason, proceed with extreme caution. Think carefully about how constant exposure to a significant other's depressive symptoms will affect you. If you decide to move forward, be proactive and diligent about self-care. _Your mental health comes first._If you wind up in psychological distress as a result of the relationship, you impose an unnecessary burden on an already burdened partner, and both of you will suffer for it. There is no shame in admitting that you aren't well-suited for this particular challenge. The earlier you're able to come to terms with this, the easier it will be for both of you.
Read the f^ck out of whatever reliable sources you can find about depression for the sake of being knowledgeable enough not to put your foot in your mouth, but for the love of all that is holy do not let this tempt you into playing therapist. This is for your own edification, not so you can fix your partner or show off.
That said, no matter how much you study, if you do not have a confirmed diagnosis of depression yourself, you don't understand their experience. Not fully. Sometimes, you'll have to take them at their word, because you'll never be able to wrap your head around the matter at hand. You will need to accept and embrace this as fact for the relationship to work. Some people have difficulty with the concept that a relatively advantaged person cannot fully understand the experience of a relatively disadvantaged person, or that the disadvantaged person's voice carries more weight with regard to their own experience. If you're the kind of person whose hackles get raised when someone suggests that your privilege be checked, you have some reckoning to do before take the relationship to the next level.
"Determined To Drown"
[rebelmouse-image 18346625 is_animated_gif="You can't save someone who is determined to drown"
It's a horrible phrase, but if someone has the means and just refuses to get the help they need (therapist, medication, abuses substances as a quick cover, etc) then they have decided and are determined to drown themselves. Depression isn't a rational illness, and there are times someone will actively fight against getting better.
You can beg, and plead, and fight, and drag them to therapy, and sit in sessions with them - but they have to do the work and if they refuse there is literally nothing more you can do. It's heartbreaking.
It comes from the metaphor that depression is like drowning in the ocean. Certain things will make you drown quicker and some things will give you something to float on the surface but unless you find and work through the causes you won't ever get out of the water
Know What You're Getting Into
[rebelmouse-image 18359335 is_animated_gif=If you can't handle someone who needs emotional support, don't get in a relationship with them. It might sound bad, but people battling depression need monitoring and support. Someone who can see past the facade they sometimes put up to hide their pain. Honestly, anyone with something like PTSD, Depression, BiPolar, Anxiety, etc, they need someone who is willing to listen and be there for them. I do agree with the person who said you can't be a partner and a counselor, but having been in that relationship before, you do end up being that from time to time.
If you make the decission to stay, you have to realize this is the situation you have to deal with, you have to be supportive but also need to take care of yourself. You matter too. Put yourself in your partner's shoes, support her on sticking to treatment/meds, if you can, find some activities you can do together, even ifit's just playing checkers, but also try and do something that gets you out of the house, a hobbie, spend some time with your friends. And keep in mind this situation may not be long term.
Having said that... You have all the right to walk out of that relationship if you can't or won't deal with it.
You have to think of yourself and your own wellbeing/mental health. It doesn't make you a bad person to get out of it. It's your choice.
It's Nothing Personal
[rebelmouse-image 18359336 is_animated_gif=It's not a reflection on how good or bad a partner you are. Try not to take it personally. I've known people who think if someone is still depressed while dating them that they must be doing something wrong. That they're not good enough to make them happy, etc etc. And that's so completely not the case.. Unfortunately mental illnesses don't just disappear once you're in a relationship. Someone could be in a relationship that they're really happy with and still be struggling badly with depression. It's really not a reflection on the partner.
Support System
[rebelmouse-image 18359337 is_animated_gif=Dealing with depression is difficult and exhausting for everyone involved, including your SO. It takes a lot of energy, a lot of confidence in oneself, and a strong foundation of healthy communication skills in order to make a relationship work through depression.
My partner has suffered from depression for longer than I can remember (and I've known her since grade school). There are ups and downs, for sure. But even at her lowest points she's a compassionate, hard-working person who loves me and wants the best for me. I love her and want the best for her. The hardest thing is to acknowledge that sometimes, helping her is just not possible and I have to back off for my own sanity. A major depressive episode is like a bottomless pit, and you can throw energy into it until you have none left and not even make a dent for the person you're trying to help. When it's like that, the only thing I can do as a supportive partner is let her know my love for her has no limits by my actions do.
That is something they have to understand from their end too. If your relationships are to last through the darkest times, you have to be able to love someone even when they set limits on their love. They have to be proactive about their own mental health and ongoing support (therapists, trusted friends, self care, etc). They may never be able to "fix" their depression, but they need manage it to the best of their abilities.
You must have multiple sources of support. Your partner must have several sources of support as well. If you rely only on each other you will both burn out. Lean on friends and family when you can. See a therapist - and maybe your SO could see one too. You both need to be able to say "I can't handle helping you right now, please turn to someone else." But in order to say that you need to have someone else to turn to.
My relationship with my partner is getting better over time. We know each other better every year, and she knows more about how to take care of herself every year. Her depression is never going to go away... but we work through it because the good is worth more than the bad.
Don't Feel Bad
[rebelmouse-image 18359338 is_animated_gif=Don't feel bad or scared if you need leave them. They might even kind of want you to. Source: currently in treatment for depression, too depressed/weak to break up with my lady even though I want to.
Call Them Out
[rebelmouse-image 18359339 is_animated_gif=It might sound harsh but don't let them get away with too much because that they are ill. A certain number of allowances for their illness is called for, but if they are rude, mean or inconsiderate, call them out on it. Don't be afraid to ask them when YOU need something - just be specific in what you need them to do, e.g. 'do the dishes today please' as appose to 'do more around the house'.
Savior Complex
[rebelmouse-image 18359340 is_animated_gif=If the person is willing to work on their illness then you should get down in the weeds with them, encourage their treatment, and be as involved as you can. You can't anchor yourself to a sinking ship. They need to do the work, you are just support. If you are some person with a unfufilled savior complex then move along, it doesn't work like that.
Have Your Own Space
[rebelmouse-image 18359341 is_animated_gif=My wife of 10 years has had depression for a couple of years as a side-effect of a physical illness she has. She feels useless and it hurts her mentally. I've learned through trial and error that you can never be their councilor. Support them and help them, but never tell them how to get better.
Having your own space is incredibly important because I don't have the motivation to help her if I never have any time to myself.
H/T: Reddit
People Who Have Accidentally Sent A Nude Photo To The Wrong Person Describe The Fallout
Whether everyone would actually admit it or not, most people live on their phones.
They can take care of last-minute work tasks on the go, confirm plans with friends via text, and entertain themselves while scrolling through multiple social media pages.
However, one must be super cautious and focused when juggling between all those open apps.
Because being a multi-tasker comes with a risk that involves mixing private and public lives with unintended, and very embarrassing, effects.
Curious to hear from strangers about a more NSFW faux pas, Redditor sollyman7999 asked:
"Ever sent a nude to the wrong person? what happened, how did they respond?"
Families can be close-knit but even they can have their hard limits.
WhatsApp, Doc?
"Sent a d*ck pic to my family whatsapp group instead of my girlfriend, who requested it. I got a lot of laughs from my sisters, a well done from my father, and not a single word from my mother, who to this day denies it happened. It was a horrible experience."
– Loud_Essay_7286
Sis Came To The Rescue
"I was meaning to text my boyfriend the picture, but must have still been in the iMessage chat to my dad at the time, and sent it without checking. Seeing that the nude had been texted to my dad, I immediately called him — I was going to ask him to delete the pictures, and that they were inappropriate and were supposed to go to my boyfriend. That way he wouldn’t see the images themselves; he would just know I had taken nudes. Somehow, by the grace of God, my SISTER answered his phone, as she was living at home at the time. I begged her for help, and she was able to delete the images off his phone. My dad never knew the incident ever occurred. I asked my sister how I could repay her, and she asked me to never ever bring it up again. I owe her one, eternally!"
– sjohns90
Sorry, Bro
"I was 26 at the time. Just shaved my junk. It was looking mighty presentable, so I decided the GF needed to see. I mistakenly sent it to my older brother. He replied with, 'I don't think that was meant for me.' I died a little inside. It was never spoken of again."
– ianj2807
Mother Approves
"Not me but my wife. She has sent a very explicit nude of hers to her mother instead of me."
"End result; 'Masallah, you're beautiful' as response from my mother-in-law, then similar responses from her sisters and sisters-in-law because yeah, her mother forwarded it."
– zztri
Leaders got more than they ever expected.
The Boss Gets A Surprise Message
"I accidentally sexted my Boss thinking I was talking to my Husband. He send back 'I don’t think this was meant for me' I sent him the biggest apology ever and we never spoke about it ever."
– Livinginthemiddle
At Attention
"I did the same thing with my platoon sergeant. D*ck pic with the caption 'love you' that was supposed to go to my ex. He just replied 'I like you, but this isn't love.'"
"Kill me."
– Reddit
Pay attention to which social media app you're using.
"Cute Lil Boobies"
"I have one like this that haunts me. When Instagram FIRST came out, like before I had ever even heard anyone talking about it, I thought it was a new photo editing app that let you put cool filters on your phone pictures and kept a little album for you, like any normal photo editing app would do. Keep in mind back then there wasn't really social media centered around pictures so I had no concept of that. I took some nudes on there and put lil filters on them and stuff and sent them to a boyfriend, then didn't think of it again"
"MONTHS later I get a text from a (very kind) ex saying 'did you know your cute lil boobies are on Instagram and everyone can see them?' I was mortifiedddd lol. Apparently he could find my profile because it recommended it via contacts or something, which I also had no concept of at that time, not many socials did that back then. So I have no idea how many people saw those pictures. Oops."
"To add insult to injury I wasn't signed into the account anymore so I was DESPERATELY trying to remember what email and password would get me in."
– Zenki_s14
For All To See
"Sent to the wrong person? No"
"Posted to my facebook feed? Yes"
"Few family members unfriended me, got a few DMs asking did I realize what I did, two DMs asking if I had more (not family - before you ask)"
– Craigothy-YeOldeLord
Nude Co-Worker
"I did once some years back. I (f) sent a snap to (f co-worker). I had absolutely no idea until I got a snap from her telling me I looked nice and asked if she was supposed to return the favor. Told her it was completely up to her but it was an accident! She sent me one back anyways. We left it at that and we would bring it up every once in a while and just giggle about it. Haven't seen her since I left that job but this question definitely brought this memory back lol."
"EDIT: I made this comment, went to bed, and didn't think about it this morning until I opened reddit not long ago. I was reading the comments and yall were making me laugh! It's so weird to have the most upvoted comment be me about sending a nude to a co-worker lol"
– MistressManor
And for others, it's all intentional.
Just Playing With The Homies
"The homies and I used to just randomly send each other photos of our family jewels and then make fun of them for looking. I miss it more and more every day."
– 28756
No recipient was harmed during this incident. I have multiple text threads, and it's very confusing to respond to one in which certain friends are also on other message threads.
One time I responded to a group thread explaining to them that I was going to come up with an excuse to back out of another invite mentioned on a different thread.
I guess I should have double-checked which thread I was sending it to because I informed the wrong thread of my plan.
At least there weren't nude photos involved.
My heart goes out to those who've shared their embarrassing stories here.
Let them serve as reminders to confirm your messages before tapping "send."
When people talk about living life to the fullest and having independent, solo experiences, they often reference the importance of traveling internationally to experience more of the world.
But in the midst of describing the wonders of traveling in another country, they fail to detail the things that could go wrong, or how a local might try to scam an unknowing and unprepared tourist.
Curious specifically about this phenomenon in Europe, Redditor subuubalaa asked:
"What should people avoid while traveling to Europe?"
The Fines Can Be Incredibly Steep
"Another thing which primarily applies to Giethoorn, but also any place in general."
"STAY OUT OF PEOPLE'S YARDS."
"For those who don't know, Giethoorn is a small village where instead of streets there are canals. It is quite a tourist attraction where they can rent boats to travel through the canals. However, some people fail to comprehend that it's still an actual village and people live in the houses."
"It has occurred on multiple instances that tourists walked into the gardens of residents to take pictures."
- ThePotatoSauce
The Menu Should Speak For Itself
"Avoid any restaurant that tries to strong-arm you into entering."
- Kanguin
Who Knew?
"Watch out for pickpockets in Western Europe. There is a stigma that Eastern Europe like Romania and Bulgaria is dangerous but pickpocketing happens more in Paris, Amsterdam, Barcelona, etc."
- trustabro
Just Keep Walking
"Street scammers in Paris, anywhere really, I just mostly see it in Paris."
- missingtoothtyler
Keep an Eye on Your Stuff
"I hung my purse over the back of my chair at a restaurant on my first day in Bangkok."
"We were eating dinner and my tour guide came over to where I was sitting, and he was holding my purse. He asked if it was mine, and I said yes. Then he told me that he saw some guy take it but he was able to get it back before they left the restaurant with it."
"Turns out my guide was the 'guy' who took it to teach me a lesson. He did this to a couple of other people in our group to encourage us to be careful with our stuff. I spent the rest of the trip white-knuckling my purse so it worked for me!"
- starrfast
Your Future Looks Expensive
"In Sevilla, they hang around the cathedral. A woman will walk up and hand you a flower, then insist on telling your fortune. Just drop it and walk away."
- blitzen13
Seriously, Protect Your Belongings
"Do not put your bag/purse/backpack on the back of your chair when you sit down to eat, especially outside."
"Thieves look for this, in groups of three or four. One of them will come from one side of you as a snatcher, and the rest will stand in a group very close to you taking or smoking, etc., pretending that they don't know the snatcher."
"Then the one guy will snatch your item, and run right through the group, in case someone is quick enough to chase. They will 'accidentally' be in your way."
"Happened in Rome, but locals recognized it and broke it up."
- nctkcmo71
Instant Retaliation
"A guy tried to do the bracelet trick to me, but I knew it and told him no before he tried anything. He jabbed me in the side as I walked passed. I was so p**sed."
- Tortuga917
No Directions Needed
"Also: DO NOT STOP to 'help' people asking for directions. You're a tourist, you look like a tourist, and you're the last person someone would legitimately ask for directions."
"They're trying to get you to stop so they can pickpocket you. It's usually a woman, too, looking 'helpless.' Just keep moving."
- ThaneOfCawdorrr
Fake Disabilities
"Be careful if you encounter the fake disabled people in Venice. My dad fell into that trap. A guy pretending to have a limp and speaking disability came up to us and asked for money. I switched to Dutch and told my dad not to give him any. My dad gave him a 20 euro banknote."
"The guy walked away without a limp and started talking without issues a few meters away."
- DoctorWhoTheF**k
Try to Blend In
"Avoid letting the taxi know you don't know where you are or where you are going, the bad ones will drive you in circles and run the tab up."
"Also, one thing that opened Germany up for me while stationed there was one interaction. I would ask in German, 'Sprechen sie englisch,' do you speak English, followed by 'Mine Deutsch ist schei**e,' my German is s**t."
"Everyone from women at the bar to elderly people would laugh hysterically and then immediately switch to English in good spirits. They just like to see you try, and then they are more than happy to help you out."
"So my advice would be to learn a quick-fire phrase that you can pop off too quickly to avoid fumbling and starting the interaction on a bad foot."
- Spirited-Tadpole-508
Scamming the Scammers
"I managed to find one of the bracelets they peddle on the ground midway through my trip. Threw it on every day when I was out in public and didn’t get hounded at all after that."
"I assume they probably thought I was a fool already caught in the trap, but man, the peace of mind was great!"
- brounchman
Please Be Polite
"Don't assume that everything will be open during the hours you'd expect in your home country. This is true no matter where you're going. It varies by country and region, but in my experience, grocery stores, banks, post offices, etc., had much more restricted hours than they do in the US."
"In the US, it's rare for a grocery store to close before 9 PM, if it's not open 24 hours. In Europe, it's normal for grocery stores to close quite early, and for things to be closed on weekends, though this varies by country."
"Also, mind your manners. In America, you can often skip over the formalities without being seen as rude. In Europe, this is much harder. Be more direct about what you want, and more polite about requesting it."
"Part of what perpetuates the unfortunate 'rude American' stereotype is that Americans tend to find European manners blunt, and Europeans tend to find American manners invasive."
- frisky_husky
Stuff Can Be Taken from Anywhere
"Don't leave stuff lying around anywhere. Don't put your stuff next to you on the table if you're sitting outside at a restaurant. Someone can just run up to you from behind, grab the phone/wallet and run away."
"Don't leave stuff in a rental car."
"Don't even put stuff in the trunk of the rental car after you park it. I've heard that in some touristy places, thieves will employ local kids to sit at the parking lots and see who puts their camera, laptop, or purse in the trunk of the car before walking away."
- TheChoonk
It's All About Playing It Smart
"I've seen it in Paris, France, Barcelona, Florence... any popular tourist destination is going to have pickpockets."
"These scams vary, and you should read about them before you go so you're aware. Some of the ones I've seen:"
"1. People in costumes (mostly Roman centurions) will accost you for pictures with them, and demand an absurd amount of money for the pictures."
"2. People will shove an object or a flower into your hands and then demand money. You may have to very aggressively say 'no.'"
"3. Someone will approach you with a map and ask for directions (their accomplice is behind you while you're distracted, and helping themselves to your stuff)."
"4. Someone will lay out paintings on the ground near monuments like cathedrals, and when you inevitably step on one (because you're looking up at the Duomo, not at the ground) they'll demand an absurd amount of money for the painting you just stepped on."
"Basically, you just have to understand that if you're a tourist in a city, no one is going to have a good reason to talk to you. No one needs directions from you, no one needs a petition signature from you, and anyone trying to stop and talk to you in a major tourist destination is likely a scam."
"If you do get into a situation where someone is demanding money from you (maybe you stepped on a painting or took that ill-advised picture with the Centurion) just say, 'Okay, let's go find a police officer, and I will pay you in front of the police officer.' That usually gets them to back down quickly."
"You may have to be aggressive about not letting people touch you or put something on you. My husband had to yank his arm away from someone trying to tie a bracelet on him outside of Castel Sant'Angelo. I had to quickly move away from someone shoving a rose in my lap on the Spanish Steps."
"And also, watch your stuff. Don't absentmindedly sling your purse over the back of a chair. Don't leave your phone on the ground next to you while you have a picnic on the Seine."
"I have a black purse by PacSafe that has some anti-theft features, like a lock so I can lock it to a chair at a cafe and a lock on the zipper so it can't be easily zipped open. Sure, a determined person could break into the purse, but it's all about not being an easy target. It's enough of a deterrent that if someone does try to help themselves to the contents of my purse, it'll be too much trouble and they'll go pick someone else."
"That being said, don't let the fear of being pickpocketed deter you from traveling! Rick Steves has a story about a family that had their passports and thousands of dollars stolen from them immediately upon arrival in Amsterdam, and they still had an amazing trip. Just be aware and have a plan in case the worst happens."
- evilcaribou
A lot can happen while you're traveling, and while being stolen from or scammed could easily happen in your hometown, there's something about suddenly being without your possessions or having to pay a hefty sum of money when you're in new territory.
But as the very last Redditor in this thread pointed out, this shouldn't stop you from traveling the world! As long as you are well-prepared and stay alert, you should be able to have a wonderful journey.
Sometimes, in order to find the love of our lives, we have to explore what's out there.
Often encountering people who we know fairly early on are just not a good fit.
In some cases, they're perfectly nice people but don't ignite the spark in us and lack any kind of chemistry.
Then there are those who truly astound us, and not in a good way.
The sort of people where describing them as "not the sharpest knife in the shed" would be an understatement.
Sometimes, this is clear from the minute we meet them. Other times, the realization comes a bit later.
"People of Reddit, what was your “I’m dating a f*cking idiot” moment?"
Oh, Dear...
"Watched a doc that explained how sharks have electricity receptors which they use to hunt. he said 'that's not possible'."
"Sharks are supposedly millions of years old but we only invented electricity a hundred years ago'."- Key-Lie250
If You Have To Prove It...
"He thought the outlet plug covers (for childproofing) meant the outlet was out-of-order."
"He literally had nothing plugged into the walls of his entire living room."
"He also mentioned how smart he was any chance he got.... usually a prime indicator."- Airport_Fart
It's Certainly A Hustle. HOWEVER...
"He kept applying for jobs and getting denied instantly."
"At the time, I didn’t understand and was upset for him."
"Come to find out, this 26-year-old was applying for jobs driving armored trucks for banks."
"With a record for stealing money from cash registers."
"I didn’t know at the time that he had ever been arrested, but this man literally had robbery and theft on his record, and couldn’t understand why an armored truck company wouldn’t hire him."- cathherine
When It Rains, It Pours...
"My ex didn't think it rained over the ocean because there was enough water there already."
"She was shocked it rained when we were on a cruise."- 1_disasta
Let's Hope She Didn't Test This Theory...
"How alcohol content percentage works."
"We argued for months that 10% as alcohol content remains the same even if you halved the bottle."
"She said nope, if you halved the bottle then the alcohol content would be 5%."
"Engineer graduate that too."
"She works for a software firm."
"For 12 years."
"Sigh."- baboyadobo
Some People Just Don't Grasp The Concept Of Math...
"My ex thought he could play hockey and found what he thought were the holy grail of skates."
"He bought them for $200 (I don't know the price as it was a long time ago)."
"His friend, who lived in a city an hour and 20 minutes away, told him he got the same skates for $195."
"So my ex, in his old Camaro that cost $50 in gas round trip, returned the skates he got for $200 and drove 1 hour and 20 minutes to get the skates that were $5 cheaper."
"That should have been the biggest red flag."
"But sadly, it turned out I was the f*cking idiot who stayed with him for a few more years."- Flipgirlnarie
"I had to explain to a grown woman that 20% is not always $20 when converted to currency."- DahvRom
Double Whammy...
"Was just lounging about one Sunday and skiing came on the TV."
"At one point the commentator said that contestants reached 100 km/h at that point in the race."
"The ex literally shouted bullsh*t at the telly."
"I looked at her and asked why..she replied that there was no way that they could tell how far they'd go in an hour since the race was only two minutes long."
"Another time, 'I have an aunt who lives in London, is that near England'."- Allydarvel
One Step Behind
"I introduced him to my stepsister."
"He said, 'weird, you guys look nothing alike'."- Saminotsammy
Get Out Of My Kitchen!!!
"He was trying to make cookies and kept opening the oven for extended periods of time, letting out all the heat."
"When I told him he was letting all the heat out by opening the door wide open and staring at the cookies, he told me I didn't know how ovens work because the temp setter said 400 so it was 400."
"Took an hour to bake 1 sheet of cookies and said 'I don't know why it's taking so long'."
"Also insisted on doing this on Thanksgiving, tying up my oven and was pissed off when he found out the turkey would take 3hrs to cook."
"As I'm sure you can imagine... Did not work out."- pocket4129
Liking Them Doesn't Make You One Of Them...
"It was when vampire-related shows and movies were in the height of their popularity."
"He became obsessed with vampires."
"When we would go outside, he started to act like the sun was hurting him, and he would shield his face with his hands while groaning in pain."
"Think of Jim from The Office with his vampire prank... only he was more dramatic... and serious."- not-a-real_username
Some Like It Hot...
"When he left the window open in the middle of summer because the air conditioning made the house too cold."
"He didn’t turn off the air conditioner and argued that it wouldn’t have made a difference."- Lovable_Minion
Dogs Do Love Car Rides...
"I went on a couple dates with a woman who owned two large energetic dogs."
"When she bought them she was informed that she'd need to walk them every day to get them exercise and burn off energy."
"To save time, instead of walking them she'd take them for a drive and thought that accomplished the same thing."- diiejso
So Much For Going Green...
"We drove past a windmill on a windy day."
"She commented how it was too windy out and they should turn the windmill down."
"She was dead serious..."- ink4n3
Washington And Jefferson Do Look Sort Of Alike... Don't They?...
"She found a coin in the couch and exclaimed 'WOW this is a REALLY big nickel'
"To which I responded 'That's because its a quarter'."- 404-soul-not-found
As Forest Gump once said, "stupid is as stupid does," so intelligence doesn't always go hand in hand with kindness and generosity.
Nor can we be too sure that these instances are what ultimately led to these relationships coming to an end.
Though, one can't blame someone for dumping anyone who thought they'd turned into a vampire...
It's a wonderful feeling when you think you've met "the one."
Someone who is so perfect in absolutely every way that you can't help but think that they must be too good to be true.
Only to make the unpleasant discovery that they are, indeed, too good to be true.
As they neglected to tell you one important piece of information: they're seeing something else.
A discovery that is naturally met with rage, sadness, and confusion.
As well as the occasional unexpected, unusual development down the line.
"Guys that sleep with other guy's girlfriends, do you feel bad afterwards? Why or why not?"
Lose A Significant Other, Make A Friend!
"Hooked up with a girl at a party once."
"We hit it off and arranged to go on an actual date the next week."
"About an hour later someone told me her BF had just showed up."
"I gave the dude a beer, explained that I had no idea she wasn't single and that I'm sorry."
"He gave me a massive hug and thanked me for being upfront."
"We both told her to f*ck off and spent the rest of the night drinking and singing karaoke together."
"Top bloke."
"I didn't feel bad; I was lied to, he was betrayed, she was a *unt, nothing more to it really."- 5Volt
Pulled The Plug
"I did it twice not knowing they had bfs."
"Yes, I felt bad afterwards and I totally cut contact when I found out."- born_again_tim
Buh-Bye!
"When I was in college a married woman tried to hide her marriage… to a deployed Marine."
"As soon as I found out, I bounced."
"I never condone cheating."- ItsbeenBroughton
Two People Were Duped
"I actually have a story about this."
"So I hooked up with a girl who had a long term boyfriend at the time."
"I didn't know and we had few encounters over a two month period."
"One day I was curious and decided to look at her socials and that's when I found out about him."
"I never bothered to look because I was being ignorant and it was first time being in a fwb situation so I was excited and wanted to keep it secret."
"As I scrolled down her socials all I saw were pics of them on expensive dates and trips and I just felt so bad for the guy."
"I felt like I had become the thing I hated the most."
"So that same night I decided to DM him about the situation and send him the texts between me and her to show him proof."
"He then called me and sounded really hurt holding back tears and all I could do was just say sorry over and over."
"But he thanked me and told me he would be leaving her."
"I then blocked her number and thought it was over with but later on that week the girl showed up at my place of work and damaged my car."
"Although I was angry at the moment I chose not to press charges as advised by the police (not USA) because the damage was minimal."
"But yea that's my story."
"On a positive note he found a new girl who looks way better and they equally appreciate each other outwardly on their socials so yes it was a happy ending."- rankyy
Even The Idea Is Hard Enough
"I lost a mate this way."
"We were really close friends and he was going through a rough time with his then girlfriend."
"She decided to get back at him by writing some bullsh*t in her journal about her and I hooking up and then conveniently left it out so he would see it."
"It was 100% untrue."
"Friend confronted me on it and I told him it was untrue but he didn’t believe me."
"We stopped talking after that."
"He eventually reached out to me about 6 months later after she admitted to him that she had made it all up."
"The damage was done and we never were the same again."- tizod
This Opens Many Questions...
"I had a brief friends with benefits arrangement with a girl who had a boyfriend."
"I didn't know the guy, and I was young and impetuous at the time."
"After time went on, I started to feel bad about it."
"It all came to a head when she told me she wanted to leave him to be with me and I said no."
"She asked why not."
"I said I couldn't trust her as a girlfriend."
"She asked why."
"I said, you've literally spent the last 2 months cheating on your boyfriend."
"With me."
"Why else do you think?"- Idontdanceforfun
An Agreement Or Just Her Policy?
"I hooked up with a lady at my gym, she didn't say sh*t about being married, she came to my place the two times we hooked up."
"I saw her again at the gym with a dude, when he went off to go do something I went over and said hi, she said don't talk to her here with her husband around, she will call me later."
"She called me later and told me her husband worked out of town a ton, when in town she was with him, when he's out she's free to do as she pleases."
"We did not meet up again."- SomeRandomUser00
Thankfully, They Grew Up...
"I did it knowingly during High School."
"I was dating and she was too, but we both had issues in our relationships and we didn't know how to figure them out."
"Clinging to our toxic relationships we found solace in each other and enjoyed spending time together."
"We ended up fooling around and after we had sex, we both stopped."
"We stayed friends for a while and both continued dating, but eventually both of us were single."
"I regret it, he doesn't know about it, I told my gf and she accepted my apology, even though we did break up about a year later."
"I'm not proud of myself and I still hate myself for it."- Slippy_666
Nipped In The Bud...
"A buddy’s wife tried to get with me once."
"I told her she had 90 seconds to call her husband (my best friend from High school), put the call on speaker, and explain to the two of us why she was a complete POS…or I’d call him myself."
"They divorced the next month."- Pennameus_The_Mighty
Some Secrets Aren't Worth Keeping
"If i know she cheated with me on her dude I let the dude know.""
"i hate that kind of people."- DaEpicBob
It's hard to place blame on those who unknowingly got together with partnered individuals.
Those who knew what they were doing, on the other hand, should have expected there to be consequences of some sort or another.
Do you have any similar experiences, let us know in the comments below.