Flirting. Some people are naturally flirty and charismatic, they smoothly enter a conversation then with a shimmy and a wink already have a date. Others...including this writer...have to be intentional about flirting and even then that “sexy wink" turns out more like a facial spasm.
There is help however, following others' experiences and flirting expertise below may just give you the boost you need. Just make sure to use your newfound powers of prowess wisely padawan.
Redditor ABowlOfLentilSoup reached out for all of us who are on the flirtation struggle-bus and asked:
“People who are good at flirting, what are some social cues us oblivious people should watch out for?"
The Reddit hivemind came up with some helpful guides for the less flirty.
Mirroring...
“Mirroring body language. This is a tactic employed by people who work in sales and it's not always conscious. This is a psychological disarmament tactic we, as humans, deploy on each other."
“In the case of someone who likes you, while interacting, watch for repetitious patterns and mimic their body language. Eventually, if you cross your arms and the person whose attention you are seeking do the same, for example, you can rely on that being a good sign."
“That's not to say you need to reposition or fidget while interacting; remember, being comfortable and at ease is a way bigger turn-on and ultimately lends itself to a more approachable experience for all parties. After all, 'acting natural' is the penultimate jedi mind trick :)"
“some actions are flirting for some but just being friendly for others...”
“People will give alot of cues subconsciously, also some actions are flirting for some but just being friendly for others too. Pay attention to their eye contact with you compared to others, if one has small amount of eye contact with others but alot with you, generally it means theyre comfortable with you."
“Physical contact is usually big for people who arent already touchy, people will generally be more touchy with those they like. When in a group and everyones laughing, people generally look at the one theyre most comfortable with first, or the one they like, could be either or both."
“Action imitation is big, if you think someone is into you, do an action like hands in pocket or something, if they copy, they probably like you, or are paying serious attention to you for some reason. If they laugh at your dumb joke, either they like you, or the joke made them uncomfortable, depends on the situation."
“Playing with hair is one that can mean something to, but some people also just do that alot anyway. Really id say some things can be a good tell more often than not but sometimes those actions can just be them being friendly, unless its blatantly obvious it can be something else, thats why the communication or the risk of asking someone is important."
Get flustered!
“When a person is making relatively sensual physical contact, please, and I mean PLEASE get flustered, or at least mentally flustered. Do not ignore them because you've known them a while. Do not pass it off as jokes, look for some signals. You'll regret not doing so. I've never been oblivious, but G*d d*mn have I missed hints before.”
sweat wtf GIF by AwesomenessTVGiphy“My advice is to be observant.”
“It really depends on who you're talking to. My advice is to be observant. Some, would prefer banters. Usually , when coming up with something witty, they return back what you said but relating it in a playful or opposing manner (i hope you get what I mean) or playfully challenging your views.”
“When it comes to touch, subtle touch on the arm or shoulders or patting the head and smile. Trying means to be with you is also a sign, but some are a lil more lowkey(like me), that'll probably prefer showing a playful side when it's just alone. So, it is also a sign if they change their aura from normal/serious to playful when it's just you alone. I hope these help.”
A more logical way to look at it.
“Everyone is giving good advice, but flirting didn't click for me until i heard it described not as a set of behaviors to look out for, but as an escalation of suggestive behaviors couched in plausible deniability. Put practically, if someone is doing something to engage you that feels extra (lots of touching, looking at you in a way that feels a bit to long, or doing a lot of poking fun and complimenting you), then that might be flirting or it might not.”
“That's the whole point. Plausible deniability. They can safely disengage at any time. If you want to know if someone's flirting, you need to test it.”
“You do that by escalating things, but just a bit, so that now you have plausible deniability (touch them back in a comfortable way, maintain eye contact, or joke-compliment them back). If they escalate back and continue to do so as you escalate in turn, that is flirting.”
“Eventually one of you will break cover and do something with clear intent (a kiss, an approach + ask for a number, or straight up telling them what you think of them and that you're interested). Otherwise, if you escalate and they don't change their behavior or they back off, then they were probably just being friendly and you should take the hint and do the same.”
“Dunno if that's something obvious to people, but it was definitely not for me, and college parties would have been way less fun had i not known. Hopefully this can help someone else too.”
Its not one size fits all...
“Generally there's no one thing that gives it away. Everyone says to look for eye contact, look at posture, look for mimicry, etc, and sure there's some truth to that but no one should be expected to keep track of all of those things and not everyone exhibits any particular one.”
“In my experience, almost everyone can get a sense that someone is into them, but most people second guess themselves until they convince themselves it's nothing. I say trust that sense.”
“It's based off all of these factors that we pick up consciously and subconsciously, and almost always it's not a coincidence. When you think someone likes you, you can test that theory in a few ways. A subtle but effective example is inviting them to something you know they can't or don't want to attend.”
“If they express interest in rescheduling or finding some other way to spend time with you, they like you. Otherwise they'll just say no, sorry I can't make it.”
“This works because you're showing interest in spending additional time with them (this event would be more enjoyable for me if you where there) and if they like you they will be sure to make it clear that they are saying no to the event, not to you. Of course, you could also just ask. In my experience anyone worth getting intimate with is mature enough to deal with that question.”
They're into you...
“Take it from me, we were in a club she wanted to go to, she was checking the girls out and asked which one I liked. I told her the girl with the hair to one side. Now get this, dumb*ss me NOTICED she put her hair to one side, but thought nothing of it."
“I'm sure she sent out more hints and cues, but being a guy with poor self worth, I brushed it all off, there's no way she's in to me. I was so wrong, it took one of her guy friends telling me that she hasn't shut up about me all night to realise that, hang in, she does??"
“Long story short, if you think there's a chance, don't be a dumb*ss and wait for luck to punch you in the face like it did me, take the chance, even if you're convincing yourself she isn't in to you, she probably is!"
Kate Mckinnon Flirt GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphyThis Redditor broke it down into some helpful bullet points.
“A few examples of things that have helped give away someone's feelings for me:
-telling their friends about me
-remembering my schedule or other similar information
-telling me about they're previous interest with striking similarities
-bragging about themselves in ways that would make a potential partner happy ("I give great back massages" or "I cook a mean omelette")
-asking what my plans are at the end of a party/gathering instead of their friends
-looking for or grasping onto shared interests”
Some sound points...
“They make a lot of eye contact. They are interested in what you have to say and ask you lots of questions. They laugh at your jokes, even the lame ones.”
“They initiate physical contact.They try to find space where you can talk more privately (this does not always mean sex but it often means they wish for more quality time with you).”
A good note to remember from this commenter:
“Do not take these as signs that a worker is interested in you. They literally get paid to seem interested in the concerns of every customer/client. Furthermore, any of these one signs alone is NOT confirmation someone likes you. Everyone flirts differently and some may not even use any of the above.”
“These were simply some traits that came to mind based off my limited experience. I have never been an expert at reading signals (I was always shy), but I think the most important aspect of flirting is demonstrating that you take a keen interest in the other person and want as much one-on-one time to get to know them better as a person.”
“Some people will rush the sexual aspect of dating, at which point their flirtations become more physical and obvious. But for most dating adults, signals are more subtle and revealed through conversation.“
Everyone is different...
“Everybody's social queues are different. Some maybe more extreme than others. So don't take stuff from this thread as the actual truth. Some people are just really friendly.“
Although flirting may not come naturally to all of us, these are some solid tips to get you started. As always friends, remember consent is the sexiest way when you do decide to go for physical contact.
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Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.