Marriage is often one of the most difficult forms of relationships for young couples.
The fun of dating becomes mixed with the hefty responsibilities that come with truly building a life with another person and integrating your lives together.
It is not easy, often it will fail, there are times that will be painful however, if two people truly want to grow together they will find ways to overcome challenges in ways that strengthen their bond.
Redditor DurableRestriction17 wanted to hear the serious marriage advice people had to offer.
"Married couples, what advice would you give to young couples?"
Basing your relationship off of mutual respect, similar values, and practicing spiritually together (whatever that may look like or if applicable) are all ways to make sure you have deeper connections.
The best advice overall though is do not lose yourself in joining your partner.
They love you and giving up things you enjoy to please them often fosters a seed of resentment over time.
Schedule time for yourself to enjoy hobbies, and time for them too.
"If you don't spend time together you are GOING to drift apart.”
“We have been married for 13 years, together for 15. Spend quality time together. Shut off your phones and go for a walk, cook a meal together, find a hobby you both enjoy, heck, you can have a lot of fun just doing household chores together."
“If you don't spend time together you are GOING to drift apart. I was severely burned in a brush fire 5 years ago, and was diagnosed with brain cancer a year later. My burn broke me, I fell into a terrible pit of depression."
“I spent most of the next year lying on the couch pissed off at the world. All of my relationships deteriorated in that time just because I separate myself from everything. But our marriage suffered the most. Unfortunately, my diagnosis made things even worse. My prognosis was quite grim, people in my position live for an average of 37 weeks."
"I have seen other people go through similar things. One of two things usually happens. It will draw them closer together, or one or both people will use destructive coping mechanisms to help cope with the fear and pain. Once we realized what was happening we started coming closer together again."
"When we were newly married, we spend a lot of time fishing. Just the two of us on a riverbank sitting on buckets trying to catch fish. The beauty of time like that is there is nothing to distract you from each other. It gives you a lot of time to just talk and get to know each other better."
"I've had 2 cancer recurrences that looked like it was the beginning of my end. I just started a new treatment that is working very well. We've been able to get back fishing a lot this summer, sometimes just the two of us, and sometimes we take the kids along too." thelemonx
Well noted! Sounds like a healthy relationship.
You are on the same team!
“Fight the issue, not each other.” BlackSwann0316
“Yes! My husband and I have a rule to always treat each other like we're on the same team. Having an explicit rule comes in handy for giving us the language to use when it doesn't feel like one of us is doing that. A gentle "it doesn't feel like we're on the same team right now" does wonders for reorienting the other away from anger and toward the problem at hand.” wantonyak
I concur! Your partner is not–and should not–be your enemy.
“Always remember to work on yourself, as your insecurities can easily form into blame towards your partner. ‘They're not doing enough’, ‘they're not making me feel special enough’ when you're insecure and not doing anything to fix it, it won't matter what your partner does.”
“So Always work on yourself, invite your partner to join you in your goals and the positivity from your efforts will strengthen your relationship with your partner and how you see yourself.” Ello_Owu
Insecurity can kill a relationship. Working on yourself is important!
Dont sweat the small stuff.
“Don't stress over the little sh*t. You'll get annoyed at things you didn't think possible, like how they organize themselves, how they load the dishwasher, difference in opinions for trivial things. Let that sh*t go.”
“Think about what truly matters to you before you start an argument over your misplaced toothbrush, the color of paint to use in the living room or what's going on in the garage at 10pm with all the swearing. This will differ a bit, but this is coming from a man that's been married for 14 years with two kids.” Beholder84
Exactly! Besides, stress kills. Don't do that to yourself.
“don't keep score...”
“Do things your spouse enjoys, and don't keep score. For example, my wife loves going to soccer games but I don't, and I love horror movies but my wife doesn't. But I still go to games with her, and she still watches horror movies with me. Support each others hobbies and interests.“ LagerLounge
Relationships are all about balance! Support each other – that builds good relationships.
Kindness is best practice...
“Kindness. Don't be short, rude, and proud. You have to live with this person the rest of your life. Always be kind. Forgive. You aren't immune to making any of the same mistakes. You're not as perfect as you think you are. Don't dwell on the negative in one another. This is a bad mental path to get on.”
“You are both imperfect. Compliment one another on your strengths. And help one another with weaknesses. Be committed. Life will change. You both will change. There is security in commitment. There is trust when you feel secure. Just a few things. 12 years, three kids, still learning.” Manbeard1000
If you're going to ride the waves of life together, you'll have to learn how to be compassionate and forgive.
Remember later on you may forgive but your friends or family may not...
“Don't talk sh*t about each other to your friends or family members. You're a team. If you have a complaint and need to tell someone, be honest with your partner about it rather than telling a third party.” ruthlessbaderginz
Absolutely! You are a team so you should act like it.
“Make sure you have the same life vision as your partner. You need to be in alignment on the big things.” SeaTie
Compatibility definitely matters!
“If you want to survive more than a decade in a marriage, be prepared to listen to your spouse. Not just to let them speak, but listen (engage). You want to be heard, so hear the other.”
“If/when negative emotions get too intense, don't jump to blame the spouse... It's hard. Try to find ways to interrupt the feeding-of-negativity-from-each-other cycle. Take a 5 minute break (claim you need a biobreak if nothing else).. The physical and temporal distancing will help folk calm down.”
“Also, as soon as you calm down, hug the other person and provide some sort of positive physical contact. Goes without saying, keep reinforcing positives and make positive statements frequently. Everybody wants to be loved - and you have to be there for each other.”
“Oh, one last thing: don't ever take someone else's side against your spouse in public. If they are in the wrong (can happen often), you must find ways to correct that behavior discreetly... if that really doesn't work (because people are obstinate), try to create a distraction (find an excuse) then talk to your spouse in private.” milagr05o5
Some great advice from people with marriage experience. Best of luck to the young couples, it's wild out there.
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As kids, we refused to believe the fact that Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny didn't exist.
Maybe we were afraid that once we accepted the reality, the magic would be one–which one might argue is exactly what happens.
But who knew that as we got older, keeping the myth alive for kids is the real magic of the holidays... until they eventually find out the truth. Sigh.
Aside from holiday mascots, there are other things in life that many of us adults are never wanting to accept.
Curious to hear examples of this, an anonymous Redditor asked:
"What is one thing most people are not ready to hear?"
These disappointments are tough ones to process.
Never Coming Out On Top
"It's possible to make all the right choices and still lose."
Failing To Measure Up
"Sometimes your best just isn't good enough."
Key To Moving On
"You don’t always get closure."
Getting Left Behind
"The longer you stay alive the more family and friends you will see pass away and you will attend many funerals…"
Nothing can prepare you for these to shatter any preconceived notions you've previously had.
There Are Worse Things
"Death isn't the worst thing that can happen to you."
"Bald eagles don’t actually do that majestic screech from the beginning of every western movie. That sound is a red tailed Hawk. You’ve been lied to."
You Can't Please Everyone
"You are the villain in someone’s story."
Friends don't always meet expectations.
Faith In People
"People won't change just because they said so. And especially when they said so twice."
"In my experience people only change when two factors are present."
- "They NEED to."
- "They WANT to."
"If either is lacking they will generally stay the same."
Karma Takes Holidays
"Bad people don't always get what they deserve!"
Agree To Disagree
"I can respect your views and not agree with them."
Seek Joy From Within
"You cannot rely on other people to give you happiness or validate your feelings."
I've learned the hard way that you can't please everyone.
When I was in a supervisory position at work, I had a hard time balancing friendship and professionalism. Telling others what to do while trying to be friendly proved to not be an effective strategy–at least not all the time.
And when I went the opposite route and interacted with colleagues strictly as their superior, I ended up hearing whispers behind my back about not being approachable.
Being in charge is not for everyone, but I also learned that even outside of the work environment, you're not going to be unanimously liked solely based on your positive personality, no matter how much you radiate it from your core.
We're always going to have critics, and that's not necessarily a downer. It keeps you humble.
In violent movies not based on the supernatural, we often see people committing unspeakable acts of horror.
A scorned lover chasing down his ex-girlfriend with an ax, or a jealous classmate enacting revenge by offing those closest to them one by one until the climactic confrontation, are all elements torturous moviegoers are used to seeing out of pure entertainment.
But anyone witnessing acts of violence in real life can tell you, it's a lot more traumatic than anything that was ever depicted on the screen–especially when it involves someone they know really well.
Redditors shared their accounts of horrific incidences close to them when frog_without_a_cause asked:
"What's the most horrific act committed by someone you know personally?"
You think you know someone...
The Violent Co-Worker
"Worked with a guy who got done for manslaughter, he bashed someone's head in with a table in a pub, this was after he stabbed a guy in the chest with darts, this was over a darts game. He also served time for beating a policeman into a coma with the policeman's own truncheon after the policeman caught him breaking into a car."
The Friend With The Rifle
"Guy I considered a close personal friend hunted down his ex, shot her with a rifle and then turned the gun on himself."
"Neighbors reported hearing him say 'You knew this was going to happen.'”
Brought To Justice
"A former coworker murdered his friend when the friend agreed to work with the police to bring down my coworker for stealing a shipment of human growth hormone. Apparently it was a vicious murder. They burned the body, iirc, but it's been a while."
"My coworker ended up being on the run for many years, and was eventually turned in after his story ran on America's Most Wanted, his fiancee saw it, and he confessed who he was to her. She waited until he was asleep and went to a pay phone to turn him in."
You never know the things people are capable of until they snap.
Targeted For Wealth
"I had an acquaintance who owned a iron working shop."
"Some employee of his thought he was fabulously wealthy because he was well off."
"The Dirtball employee went to their house and tortured four of them to death to get their fabulous wealth ( $40,000) Unfortunately the housekeeper was there as well and they tortured her too."
"The junkies ordered pizza and left their DNA to be found. Burned the house. Really very sad, this guy was known to hire guys who had criminal records and give them a second chance. His son was 10 years old."
Why Mum Was Terrified
"I only met him once as a kid, but my grandads brother in law. He approached me and my mum in a cafe, I was 8, and tried starting normal conversational small talk. My mum panicked and asked him what the hell he was doing out of prison, he brushed her question off and he knelt down to talk to me, which made my mum pick me up, sling me over her shoulder, and run back to the car. I just remember being so scared by her sudden moves I quietly burst into tears in the car and we drove half way home. Mum then stopped in a supermarket car park, got in the back, unbuckled me, and we cuddled in the back for what felt like days (most likely an hour tops) whilst we both cried. I had no clue what was happening but mum calmed me down and she kept saying "youre safe. I love you" over and over."
"I found out years later he slit my Grandad's Sister (his wifes) throat and brutally beat her to death. Hence my mums fear."
"Guy I went to school with was real calm, very smart, and everyone loved him. He was a gentle person from what I remember. He had lost his mom a couple years before this, she was a nurse and they found her dead in a hospital room during her shift. Unknown causes."
"Our senior year of highschool, dude is a championship wrestler, dominating his grades, and just doing good. He lived with his dad who was a police officer for years and years. At lunch one day he left school and came back. Everything was normal and the day was finished out. His dad did not show up for work that evening, and the police dept sent someone to go knock on his door. They found the house ransacked and his dad lying in bed with a single gun shot wound to the head, deceased."
"Later that night they called my grandmother in for questioning because she cleaned their house once a week. Not much later than that, the guy I went to school with broke down and confessed they he had come home on lunch to ask for money, and he and his dad got in an argument, his dad laid down like normal for his shift, and he took his dad's service pistol, and shot him, and after realizing what he'd done, he'd freaked out and turned the house upside down to make it look like a robbery, then went and finished the day at school to try to make it seem like he had no clue what had happened. Shocked everyone."
Family dysfunction ran deep with these disturbing cases.
"Someone I sorta knew from school hid behind his front door, waited for his mother to come home and hit her on the head with an axe when he was around 14. He probably instantly regretted it and called an ambulance. Luckily, she survived and suffered no permanent damage. I think he went to a mental facility after."
"Her 2 year old daughter drowned under suspicious circumstances, nothing could be proved. About 3 years or so later, she had another kid. Also drowned under suspicious circumstances. She was investigated but found nothing, attributed to sh*tty coincidence. Couple more years later, she had a 3rd kid with her man. Father came home early to find that she wasn't in the house, but his son was left alone in the bath tub. He was dead by that point."
"She got slapped with 3 murder charges and life."
"Burn a baby alive."
"I knew someone at a music school. She then left, and one day she showed up at the school again because she was stopping music and wanted to sell her instrument. She told me she was living in an isolated community in the middle of the mountains, and looked so happy and radiant that I felt jealous."
"A couple of months later I turn the TV on and there she was. The community was actually a sect commanded by a guy who claimed to be the reincarnation of Jesus. He had impregnated a woman from the sect and said the baby was the Antichrist and had to die. They burned the baby alive when he was only two days old."
"My father beat the sh*t out of my mother and myself when I was a toddler. I have an uneven skull because of it. Until I found out, I thought it was a birth defect. I didn’t find this out from my mother until I was an adult when I had to take him to court because he had opened numerous credit cards with my social security number when I was a kid and had tanked my credit by the time I was 18."
Water Under The Bridge
"A guy I knew killed his father in front of his mother and younger brother trying to protect his mum from severe abuse. After he served his sentence, the family accepted him back and they’ve been living a normal life to this day."
These disturbing accounts really go to show that you really don't know what people are capable of when they're under pressure.
In the heat of a moment, most of us have made conscious decisions not to do something completely irrational.
But not everyone has the wherewithal to really think about the consequences of causing violence on another person when they have snapped.
And when that person who did something regrettable–or disturbingly, not at all remorseful–is someone you know, it's all the more tragic.
When I was little, my favorite thing in the world were Gems. They were a kind of hard shell candy with chocolate inside. A pre-curser to M&Ms, they're probably what gave way to my M&M obsession in the first place.
I only ever had access to Gems in India, so I was excited when my family went there on vacation. Wanting to have my favorite candy again, that was what I looked for the first time we went grocery shopping. To my dismay, I found out Gems were no longer being made.
While this incident with Gems took lace a couple of decades ago, this is a modern age thing as well. Just a few years ago, Hersey's bought Cadbury and the classic Cadbury chocolate my friends and I grew up with became a thing of the past.
There are lots of food from our childhood that were either discontinued or rebranded with a new recipe. These foods were an integral part of our childhood, and many of us would like to see out old favorites make a comeback.
Curious about what these old favorites actually were, Redditor knumbersix asked:
"If you could have any rare, no longer available food from your childhood, what would it be?"
Taco Bell Favorites
"Taco Bell shredded chicken soft taco supreme. Only meat option I liked was shredded chicken. They’ve hurt so many of us."
"Grilled stuft steak burrito from taco bell the year they came out. They were so f*cking good when they were a new item."
"Taco bell cinnamon crispas."
Better When It's Frozen
"Pudding pops. Chocolate specifically."
"Jello pudding pops."
Flavor In The Limelight
"At some point in the early 2000's lime flavored candies were replaced with green apple. Lifesavers, skittles, runts, all ditched the lime flavor. I loved the lime flavored runts. F*ckin green apple...."
"Original Cadbury cream eggs."
"They've gone from chicken to quail somewhere between then and now."
"Original fun fruits. Not “fruit snacks”, but the little bump-shaped Fun Fruits. So good."
Newer Is Not Always Better
"The original Spaghetti-Os. Back when they were made by Franco American (now they're Campbell's), I remember them tasting rich and savory. Now, they're just swimming in a sugar sauce that kind of resembles tomato sauce. They're disgustingly sweet. Bring back the old recipe!"
"Original recipe Twinkie. They were never quite the same after they were discontinued for that brief period."
"Original lunchables with the 2 meats 2 cheeses and little spicy mustard packet. Those were fire AF. The meat and cheese were on point. Now the sh*t taste like hot dog water, and imitation cheese slices. Back in the day if you had a lunchable at school, you could trade that for anything anybody else had, plus boot most times. Now don't nobody give AF if you eaten that processed bologna and vegetable oil nasty box. OG lunchables had a turn down service chocolate mint and that's all you needed."
"Kid cuisine(or however you spell it)"
"My favorite was always the chicken nuggets and chocolate pudding one. I would dip the chicken nuggets in the pudding. Don’t judge me it was delicious."
The Sweetness Of Sours
"Altoids sour mints"
"Not technically food, but I miss those. Still have some of the old tins I use to store random things in."
"Even after all this time, it still makes my mouth water just thinking about them haha"
The Days Of Yogurt
"I think they were called Yogis. Yougurt like candy things. Oh they were unbelievably good."
"yogos! they're also my answer"
Color Makes A Difference
"Light brown M&M’s"
"I remember my middle school took this very serious. Also the voting of the new color. We had class presentations for our arguments."
Books Never Tasted So Good
"Pizza Hut personal pan pizza. And for anyone that says that they still make them: They aren't the same ones or the same recipe as the ones from the 90s. Pizza Hut back then used higher quality ingredients and was the absolute best chain pizza you could get! I always did the best in my class every year in elementary school with Book-It. Yes, I did love books, but a free personal pan pizza was always a huge incentive too! I still get cravings for those and there's nothing I can do!"
"Book-it had my chubby a*s securing pan pizzas left and right. Books never tasted so good. My parents loved it too, gave em an excuse to go to the Hut."
"Edit: The Button and gold stickers had me pretty jazzed too."
I remember the Book-It challenge and those pizzas too! I never needed any encouragement to read, but it was nice to get rewarded with my favorite food just for engaging in my favorite activity.
Those pizzas are just another food from my childhood I'll always miss.
We may never get out favorite childhood foods back, but at least we can revel in the good memories they hold!
Most of us were taught that nobody loves a braggart or a show off, but let's be honest: if we don't celebrate ourselves, who will?
Weirdly, the answer seems to be "strangers on the internet."
Reddit user tzhumanbean asked:
"What's your biggest flex?"
So listen, just for a minute, forget everything in you that wants to be humble. Toot your own horn. Brag about whatever seemingly-silly thing you're amazing at.
If you need some inspiration, Reddit will go first.
"You know the game at the carnival where you climb the wobbly rope ladder and ring the bell?"
"I've won it twice"
"Nice, I watched a mark rober video about that, and it's supposed to be near impossible because physics."
"The trick is to only have 1 hand and 1 foot on the ropes at any given time and said hand and foot need to be opposites. Get that technique down and you will win everytime."
"Or just walk directly up the center of the ladder on only your feet. That's how the people that run the game do it, and it was the only way I could do it as well. I've won twice that way."
"What’s the secret?"
"I kept my feet and hands close to the edges. I moves opposite legs and hands as close to the same time as possible. Near the top its very hard to balance so I sprinted/jumped for the bell."
"My grandad used to build space shuttles/spaceships."
"The company he worked for would send the spaceships to nasa. The company was doing a private time capsule thing where the workers could send their name to the moon on a piece of paper."
"My grandad wrote my name down, so i’m now on the moon."
"That is f*cking sweet!"
"Aw wow 🥺🥰"
- Catbug94Moon Landing No GIF by Arrow AcademyGiphy
Rich In Stem
"When I donated bone marrow (stem cells) I had 6 times the normal amount."
"They ran the tests 3 times to confirm."
"You got more stem than a sunflower"
"So, you're like a potent human being?"
"Damn, leave some stems cells for the rest of us."
"You’re probably Force-sensitive and should seek a mentor from the Jedi Council."
"I can flex some muscle in my neck and make myself look like a croaking frog. It scares kids"
"Upvoted for scaring kids"
"flex within a flex"
"My 14 year old son does that to annoy me. Haha"
- jn29Inflate Pbs Nature GIF by Nature on PBSGiphy
Flick Some Cents
"I’m so good at flicking pennies (P E N N I E S) that I can flick them into peoples pockets without them knowing."
"Dude one of my friends is a phenom at flicking pennies. We worked together 18 years ago at my first professional job. He was the underachiever of underachievers, super capable guy but he was purposefully lazy and pretended to be incompetent so nobody would ask him to do anything."
"One day I caught him flicking pennies across the facility, hitting random people in the head from afar just to cause a stir. He could do it so stealthily that nobody else could tell where they were coming from, but I caught him. I wasn't technically in management at the time, but I was the designated engineer for that department, so I had to talk to him about it. For months leading up to me catching him, we had an ongoing phenomenon of "magic pennies" appearing randomly around the facility. Everywhere you looked, there was a random penny. Friggin' everywhere. This was a high tech facility in the medical field, so random pennies laying around isn't a good look... Management was getting aggravated by it."
"Hey, that's a neat trick... How long you been doing it?"
" 'A long time' *Big Smile*"
"As a friend, I have to ask you to stop."
"Ok, ok, but I have one penny left and it's going to be a one in a million shot."
"Damnit... You need to promise it'll stop. The flicking and the random pennies everywhere, I don't want you getting fired over it and there's a lot of eyebrows getting raised right now."
"He flicked that penny through the air right as one of the warehouse guys was driving through on a tugger (it's like half golf cart, half fork truck). The penny popped the driver right above the ear with an audible WHACK. The driver jerked, turning the tugger and crashing it into three large material hoppers and busting a water line off the side of a machine. This caused 4 production lines to get halted and maintenance called in for about 4 hours of downtime."
"I wrestled with it but ultimately said nothing. The warehouse guy said a wasp must have got him and he did not get in trouble at all. My friend stopped flicking pennies after that."
"Sorry for the long story, I type super fast and it gets away from me at times..."
- crapgarbagewwe congrats GIFGiphy
"In the 4th grade I won one if my countries biggest math competitions. I can also lick my elbow"
"The duality of man"
"Not gonna lie I'm more impressed with the elbow licking. Like how the fuck? Do you have a really long tongue or weird ass ligaments or something?"
"I’m more impressed by that too."
"I actually tried. Could not lick my elbow. Impressive."
The Flex We Need
"I’m a marine biologist and my research has been used in the conservation of both sea turtles and whales."
"That’s the nicest flex on this thread, solely because I have been obsessed with whales ever since I was born. I love talking to marine biologists and expanding my knowledge as well as knowing what I can do to keep whales safe and happy! Thank you for your work!"
"I’m happy that I get to do this work. It’s not all unicorns and rainbows, but it’s pretty cool."
"real life super hero! keep up the good work"
- christophersbooksHigh Five Bro GIFGiphy
Kicking Some Serious Behind
"I kicked cancer’s ass"
"Now that's a flex that everyone is happy about"
"So proud of you!💪 hope i can achieve this as well soon"
"F*cking fair play mate, as we would say in my part of the world."
"well done mate."
"Long live you! 👑"
"Throwaway here, I come from former meth addicts. I say "former" because my dad hasn't been using while in prison and my mother is disabled with a heart condition."
"I got a full tuition ride in undergrad, and I'm starting grad school @ Tufts this fall :)"
"Edit: Thank you all so much for your kindness! You guys made me cry. My acceptance was after some time working in human welfare, and being selected to assist in the creation of U.S. policy regarding health initiatives with the feds. I wish I could tell you all more, but I can't be too specific."
"But really, thank you. I'm doing the best I can with what I have, and I'm grateful for all the support. :)"
"Wow, well done! Just from an internet stranger to another, I felt proud of you while reading this comment and I'm genuinely excited for your future."
"That’s awesome! you’ll enjoy Tufts, it’s a great school and fairly fun location."
"That’s where I go! Incredible school, great community, you’ll love it!"
"Going into my 17th year teaching high school physics."
"I would bet money that 75% of all students I've taught would put me in their top 3 favorite teachers of all time."
"What is it about physics teachers? They were always the coolest, in grade-school and in college..."
"My physics teacher in high school used to play Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, and stuff from Dr Demento while we were taking tests. He'd randomly quiz us on song names and lyrics for bonus points."
"We had an amazing physics teacher who is a legend, such a hard working dude, used to be very patient with us. After two years of teaching our class, we gifted him an Armani watch which costed like 2400$."
"Did you bring in your collection of electric guitars, dismantled and have us reassemble the pickups while you lectured about electromagnetism and how strumming induced current?"
"That was an amazing day, thank you Mr. Holzwarth!"
"Thank you for your hardwork!!"
- itzhumanbeanDab Reaction GIF by NETFLIXGiphy
Feeling more inspired to jump in on the participation trophy tsunami? C'mon. You know you want to.
Can you play a dope rendition of Stairway to Heaven on a kazoo? Did you save the day by finding the stray red sock in the load of whites BEFORE you started the wash? What about the time you managed to get all your bra hooks into their holes behind your back on the first try without fidgeting?
Flex your flexiest flex, fam.