All you have to do is say.... "I'm just not that into you!" "I've moved on." "I will call the police, go away!" Ghosting is so petulant and it only causes more harm then good. Just explain, even a quick... "not now. NOT EVER!" I know life gets hectic and really, we don't owe people anything, but shedding a little light and a little decency goes a long way. And PS... if you're the one whose been ghosted....take a hint and move on. Be grateful you dodged a bullet.
Redditor u/till-mann wanted some answers, answers we've all been waiting for.... they asked.... People who are ghosting other people, have you ever been called out, if so, how did that make you feel?To Grandparent's House
My biological brother was ghosted by the woman his father was dating, who fathered 3 kids with her. I was adopted and so didn't meet my brother until our 30s when i heard this.
Apparently our dad was awful, so it's good I was adopted out but, my brother lived through the worst of it. My brother was 14, living with his dad, the girlfriend and the 3 young boys they had together when his dad was killed in a drunk driving accident ( he was the drunk).
My brother came home from school one day shortly after and she had packed up the whole house and just left without telling him he guesses because he wasn't her responsibility. At 14 he came back to an empty house. He had to call his grandparents 3 hours away to come get him.
Horrible. He built a good life for himself since but can you even imagine what that must be like??
Enough was Enough
This happened recently. I had a friend I had known for 25+ years. We wound up at the same company and realized we lived very close. She was all into office gossip and talked trash about people I liked. I asked her to stop. Any obstacle I was facing was dismissed because she had been through worse. When I needed to talk to someone about personal struggles I was having, she would talk over me and change the subject to her issues. This went on for a few years.
I would hang up after talking to her and question why I bothered. Finally, I had enough. I ghosted her and after few months, she reached out to me via text. I replied and told her why. I was not cruel, just honest. Now I am 'mean and hurtful'. I blocked her and am not regretting this at all. I think about her and hope all is well. I just needed to sever the ties.
Sorry GIF by swerk
He actually reached out and apologized after a while, so that was nice of him, but it doesn't take away how much it hurt.
My way of thinking is if someone ghosts you, let the dead rest. No point in chasing after someone who doesn't want to be chased.
How Dare I?
An old ex from college got in touch with me via FB, which was lovely and a tiny bit concerning. Had a great time catching up, getting in touch with old friends from college via this exchange (seriously, this was the best part of that), etc.. His life turned out pretty much as I expected - numerous divorces, presumably some infidelity on his part, etc.
Several months into our very polite chats, he suddenly shifts gears hard.
He's spouting Birther nonsense, trying to get me to leave my husband for him (literally haven't seen this ex in 20+ years) and no way in hell is that going to happen. I blocked him on social media and didn't think twice about it afterwards.
About six months later, our mutual college friends start haranguing me about why I'd ghosted the ex while he was deployed in Afghanistan, how dare I ghost a veteran who needed our support, etc. and how hurt my ex was that I'd cut off our friendship.
Oh boy.
Here's the thing. I kept a screenshot of his crap to show my husband. And each time one of my college friends started in with that nonsense, I sent them the screenshot. One of the guys was so pissed, he told my ex that if he didn't stop backstabbing, they'd send it to his current wife. :D
Haven't heard anything since - going on 8 years now. I don't expect to.
Forgiveness
Oh hey, I can answer this. This happened 9 years ago, when I was a teenager. I had started dating a guy who I really, really liked. He did not like my best friend, and would often make fun of her. I felt like my friendship with her was coming to an end anyway because we were drifting apart, so I didn't stop him. His toxic behavior actually made me start resenting her.
Eventually, I just ghosted her. Left her on read. Never hung out with her anymore. We didn't go to the same school, so I just never saw her.
She sent me a looong message asking why was I not talking to her? Did she make me mad, did she do something wrong? It was a really heartbreaking message, and I pretty much told her that I felt like we weren't close anymore, that I was in a good relationship and I didn't feel like we were friends anymore. She responded by basically saying she understood with a sad face.
I didn't talk to her for almost a year. I'm not sure what the push was (I was still dating the guy), but I missed her and I texted her a very long message apologizing and groveling. That I was wrong and stupid, not sure what came over me, etc.
She forgave me. I don't know why, I pulled a really crappy move and I know I did it when she was at a low point. I'm so extremely grateful that she decided to give me another chance. We're still best friends to this day. But her confronting me when I initially ghosted her was absolutely miserable and heartbreaking. I still feel like such a piece of crap for it.
2 Out....
I'm currently ghosting two friends. They are a married couple that wanted to bring me into the relationship. It didn't end well and after two months of not speaking to each other, they reached out again. I was willing to reestablish only friendship. But they still were pushing for me to be romantic with the wife. I was pretty uncomfortable and felt anxious about it, especially after the fallout, and decided for everyone's safety and wellbeing, I needed to block them.
They sorely lacked adequate communication for a three-way relationship and were pretty manipulative with me and used my naivety and trust in them to get what they wanted.
Sometimes, ghosting is the answer. Not always. If there's a chance to discuss it rationally, then do it. But if you don't have that chance, ghost.
EDIT TO ADD: I consider this ghosting because I cut contact without an explanation on seemingly good (in their POV) terms. I've always thought that is what ghosting was. The only time I expressed I wanted their friendship was when we initially reconnected after the fight. After that, they began pursuing me again and I decided to completely block them without talking to them about it further.
Why do you hate me?
Okay, I wouldn't call it ghosting... but, I sometimes don't like talking to my mom. We have a very strained relationship and sometimes it's better for my own mental health to just not engage.
Anyway, one time I was legitimately at the gym with my trainer and didn't answer.
She left a voicemail that said, "You ALWAYS have your phone on and answer when (bf) calls or texts. Why do you hate me so much?"
I am a 32 year old mother of 3, raising my kids and my boyfriend's son. I'm busy. I'm tired. I just want to be left alone.
It's Me...
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When things aren't going well in my life, I turn inward and isolate myself.
I'm not good at receiving support and therefore I avoid people when i'm not doing well. It makes me ghost the people I care about and then suddenly contact them again and the cycle continues.
I've been called out on it and i'm honest. I'm sure it's hurtful and it makes me feel awful but I don't know how to be anything but the happy supportive friend that you'll get close to and i'll disappear when I can't be that.
It's Not You
I was low-key dating/hanging out with this guy that started ghosting me. After a while I texted and just asked him to honestly tell me what was up. He explained in great detail that he met someone else and had fallen hard for her. He apologized sincerely for being a fool by ghosting and I actually really appreciated some brutal honesty for once. I've dated so many morons that would lie about everything or gaslight me that I aways prefer the harshest truth now.
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After dating her for two weeks, my father passed away.
I told her up front that I am not in a good place emotionally, wasn't comfortable sharing my grieving process with someone I had just met, and that I couldn't promise I would still be open to dating anyone in the near future.
She called me out for ghosting her a month later.
Want one, Lexi?
I've ghosted, but usually don't get called out. I used to be honest, but having more than one dude call me names for not thinking they were a good match killed that habit.
Worst was a dude I'd gone on a couple dates with. He was nice enough, just a little too odd and clingy. Insisted on picking me up - I refused and met him instead. Insisted on driving me to the theater between dinner and the movie. I refused again. Then acted weird in the theater, yelling at people if they so much a coughed.
After the movie, he was bold enough to go for a kiss. I did the cheek turn thing, then left. In the twenty minutes it took me to get home, there were over a dozen texts, each one more frantic than the last because I hadn't replied yet.
I immediately noped out, and ghosted. For weeks I got messages before he told me "he thought I was better than this". But then I'd get the odd text like he was testing the water. The weirdest was "Mmm. Shamrock shake. Want one, Lexi?"
I'm very glad he didn't have my home address.
Hurtful
My (adopted) aunt. Her and her biological sister came home from school one day to find that their parents packed up the house and moved without them. She was probably 15 at the time. She called her best friend (my biological aunt) and my grandparents let her move in with them, eventually legally adopting her. I can't even imagine the hurt and confusion she felt. She's still friends with her sister and I believe she eventually got back into contact with her biological parents.
I said No
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I only ghosted him after he asked me out and I declined and he became hostile. Then he started throwing more tantrums and eventually went to my friends and asked them to stop being friends with me so yes I was wrong for not blocking him immediately.
In my Head
I'm a ghoster. I feel terrible about it. I mean to write, and mean to write, then time has passed so I have to write something really good, then more time passes but it is around my birthday or a holiday so looks weird if I reach out then.
So I communicate daily with you in my head, many apologies and conversations. My anxiety just gets overwhelming.
If you contact me I will usually respond to the branch gladly.
Change it....
I have ghosted a couple girls. I did it because I didn't feel I wanted to pursue the relationship. I should of told them how I felt straight up. One girl I ghosted I ran into a couple months later at a bar she told me how hurt she was and I felt like a complete asshole. Changed my perspective completely and haven't done it since and will not ever do it again. Just tell them your honest feelings and you're much better off.
Sorry
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I've been ghosting this girl I liked and she hasn't noticed because I'm the one who always starts the conversation (I now know that I'm not technically ghosting her please stop commenting that).
It's Not Me
It made me feel like crap to be honest. That's not who I am but at the time I was going through a rough patch in a relationship and my home life wasn't great either. Being alone felt like the only option at one point until a good friend I ghosted expressed his concerns.
Done with You
I'm currently "ghosting" this girl that has been manipulating me for months. i was attached to her so much that she could just withhold affection until i did what she wanted. and she had me convinced that the reason she was so stingy with her love was because i was doing something wrong or i just wasn't good enough.
I met someone else and i've been giving the first girl the could shoulder ever since. she facetimed me the other night, wasted, crying that i don't love her as much as i used to. i corrected her; "that's not true, i actually don't love you anymore at all."
She texts and snaps me regularly trying to apologize. i think she means it. but i have no intention of responding and risking letting her back into my life. rather not have her in my life as a constant reminder of all the suffering i went through because of her abuse.
At Christmas
I was close friends with someone at work for 17 years (seventeen!!) Then the school we worked in closed, and we were moved to different schools. For the first 4 months, I made all the effort in staying connected. After Christmas break, I just stopped. It took her 6 weeks to reach out to me. That was a really hard time.
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I was never called out on it, but I deeply regret that I hurt someone that meant a lot to me. I take full responsibility for my actions. I think ego defense mechanisms play a part in situations where you don't have a real good reason for what you did. You just build a wall and start running. But it eventually catches up with you.
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When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.