And while we default to criticizing the individual – whether they are a coworker, friend, or even a romantic interest – have you ever wondered if there is ever a valid excuse for their actions?
Curious to hear about the other perspective, Redditor are_we_human_ asked:
"People who have ghosted friends permanently: Why did you do it?"
When Talking Does Not Help
These people thought the individual did not need an explanation for slipping out.
Tired Conversations
"When I felt like I had to walk on eggshells around them constantly. Like it felt like no matter what I said, it was always the wrong thing. I'd be asked for my honest opinion on something and no matter how I answered it was the wrong thing. Or even if I did so much as say 'I legitimately don't have any input for this, it's out of my wheelhouse', well…wrong answer."
"It got to the point where I got tired of just feeling like no matter what I said it was wrong and I just let the conversation die and dead it has been for a year or so."
– We1tfunk
Waiting To Make A Move
"I've technically done this by going 'okay, I'm always initiating the conversation, so now I'm going to let them message me first' and then never hearing from them again."
Your Turn
"Yeah, I've done this. The whole 'ok, your turn to take the lead' thing and they never contacted me again. When you couple it with the realization that the only time they were contacting you was to ask for a favor, you realize where things really stood."
– tah4349
Detoxing
For people wanting to cut off negative relationships, ghosting was the only solution.
Distancing From Troubled Relationships
"Because I found out he was verbally abusing his child and physically abusing his wife. Tried to do more for the wife and child but she went and denied it all when social services got involved. Sadly they are still together and he is still a drunk who hasn't changed."
"At that point I had to pull my family away from that and move on with life."
"Was my best friend since childhood and I never knew any of it all that time. 🤦♂️"
No Time For Fake Drama
"She kept lying to me. Really stupid small and mainly harmless lies - concerts she'd gone to, how many times she took her driving test, people she's dated. It's like she would forget that we'd been besties since we were 14 and were now in our 20's so I knew who she'd dated, concerts and driving test etc."
"She tried to get back in touch 5yrs later, messaging my sister and other school friends on FB saying she had desperately been trying to get in touch with me. She hadn't. I still lived in the same house, had the same mobile number and email etc"
"Eventually I got in touch with her and asked her to meet for coffee. Although it was lovely to see her and I genuinely missed her as we had some of the best times of our young lives together it became clear pretty quickly that she was still a liar but they had got bigger. Now she was saying her sister had attempted suicide and her daughter was nearly killed by a bus. I got really angry at her for telling such sh**ty lies like this which she tried to deny she was until I started asking her for details of when, where and how these things happened and she stumbled."
"I walked away and haven't heard from her since and I'm relieved. I don't need fake drama."
Too Many Lies
"Impulsive liars. I had close to the same situation. I wish I would've understood the thought processes and all that, the lying really gets old."
– lil_gusi
Being Used
"I learned I was just a friend of convenience. Nobody wanted me around unless I was a free atm, free tank of gas, or a free ear to b*tch to. Even though they did the bare minimum to act like they cared, my problems were my own. Yet I always had to be available for their weekly/monthly breakdowns about the most avoidable shit, like, saving money to pay a bill. Then it turns into b*tching about something we have planned they can no longer go to, being completely unsubtle that they expect me to offer to foot the bill. Or my personal fav, lying to me about having the money to go do said thing, and then at the last minute, declare they had some unexpected expense to take care of and are now broke, throwing expectant looks my way. But disagree, or get angry, or GOD FORBID say no to something, and it's years of silence. Finally, one day I just decided to keep it that way. Been silent ever since. Why care about ghosting someone when you were never really friends in the first place? Easiest decision ever."
Inconvenient Friendship
"She literally described my friendship as a burden. She said that she spent a lot of her time 'attending to' my messages and hang out time. An email or text message once or twice a week, and maybe a hang out session once a month is a burden? She then told me that I needed to 'think of a way to fix' our friendship."
"If my attention is a burden, then what exactly should I be doing? What does our friendship consist of if I cannot message you or hang out with you without being made to feel guilty about it? Why is it my responsibility to 'fix' our friendship when you're the one claiming it's broken?"
"I didn't exactly mean to ghost her...but every reply I came up with was filled with anger and hurt so I never sent it. It seems she'd be happier without me anyway."
Mean Girls
"One of the girls in my HS group was manipulative and had narcissistic traits."
"She was scheming who to be friends with to gain station and popularity, organized these sh*it talking campaigns to bully some of our classmates and make them seem ridiculous. And multiple times when we hung out she would make all these bitchy remarks at how I behaved and about the things I said. Not even backhandedly, though I think she was aiming to be subtle, and just sucked at it."
"It was ridiculously, the final nail on the coffin was when I was hanging out with a good friend of ours, my sister and this girl. And the whole night she makes these annoying comments at my behavior and interests. Once I finally told her that this is enough, and she needs to stop, she blamed me for flipping over a single small comment, while OBVIOUSLY my sister and one of my best friends had very clearly seen that she was using all my insecurities against me the whole night and that I did not in fact loose it over a single comment."
"Some of my friends still liked her and excused her behavior, so i simply stopped inviting her to places, talking to her and when invited somewhere together, avoided talking to her. After high school ended we didn't talk for years untill she recently sent a message apologizing."
The Antisemitic
"Dude I was friends with for a few years, one day out of seemingly nowhere he started spewing a bunch of anti-jew crap on facebook, essentially blaming the jews for any and every inconvenience or negative experience he or the world experiences. I unfriended him and never attempted contact again."
Too Clingy
People who felt their energy was being sucked away did what they had to do.
Not A Therapist
"He tried to cling to me as if his mental health was my responsibility. He really just couldn't comprehend the fact that having a friend is not the same as talking to a therapist."
Other Perpsective
"I was this friend and I didn't even realise it til she (thankfully only temporarily) ghosted me! I drove her crazy and when she tried to ghost me I was relentless in trying to find out why. She tried to tell me but for some reason it wouldn't get through to me til she just completely removed me from her life. After about 3 months of isolation from [the virus] it clicked and I felt terrible. Dropped her a huge apology and got help. She was so patient and understanding with me and I'm forever grateful for that."
When It Takes Too Much Work
"I found that the friendship was draining all of my energy. Every conversation was negative, she had a victim mentality and a lot of issues that she created herself and refused to address. It became a chore to even talk to her. I know it sounds awful but it's the truth."
More Than Friends
"She weirded me out one too many times trying to be more than friends, and she drank a LOT."
"I moved out of town and didn't tell her. She went so far as to try intimidating my mother to get my address, but Mom knew who she was and why I didn't tell her so she didn't budge."
"This was about 1990. A couple years ago she messaged me on Facebook trying to break the ice with a question about a band I really liked when I knew her. I deleted it and blocked her and it's been quiet since then."
Episode 1 Namaste GIF by Will & GraceGiphyFor many of these Redditors, avoiding confrontation was a better alternative to getting into a verbal – maybe even physical – altercation.
Ghosting is typical in the world of dating where a person sends a message and receives nothing but the silent treatment, but it also seems to be a common occurrence among platonic friendships.
If the goal is to avoid hurting someone's feelings, is ignoring the individual and not dignifying their concerns with some sort of acknowledgement an appropriate response?
Hello? Why are you not responding?
To Grandparent's House
My biological brother was ghosted by the woman his father was dating, who fathered 3 kids with her. I was adopted and so didn't meet my brother until our 30s when i heard this.
Apparently our dad was awful, so it's good I was adopted out but, my brother lived through the worst of it. My brother was 14, living with his dad, the girlfriend and the 3 young boys they had together when his dad was killed in a drunk driving accident ( he was the drunk).
My brother came home from school one day shortly after and she had packed up the whole house and just left without telling him he guesses because he wasn't her responsibility. At 14 he came back to an empty house. He had to call his grandparents 3 hours away to come get him.
Horrible. He built a good life for himself since but can you even imagine what that must be like??
Enough was Enough
This happened recently. I had a friend I had known for 25+ years. We wound up at the same company and realized we lived very close. She was all into office gossip and talked trash about people I liked. I asked her to stop. Any obstacle I was facing was dismissed because she had been through worse. When I needed to talk to someone about personal struggles I was having, she would talk over me and change the subject to her issues. This went on for a few years.
I would hang up after talking to her and question why I bothered. Finally, I had enough. I ghosted her and after few months, she reached out to me via text. I replied and told her why. I was not cruel, just honest. Now I am 'mean and hurtful'. I blocked her and am not regretting this at all. I think about her and hope all is well. I just needed to sever the ties.
Sorry GIF by swerkHe actually reached out and apologized after a while, so that was nice of him, but it doesn't take away how much it hurt.
My way of thinking is if someone ghosts you, let the dead rest. No point in chasing after someone who doesn't want to be chased.
How Dare I?
An old ex from college got in touch with me via FB, which was lovely and a tiny bit concerning. Had a great time catching up, getting in touch with old friends from college via this exchange (seriously, this was the best part of that), etc.. His life turned out pretty much as I expected - numerous divorces, presumably some infidelity on his part, etc.
Several months into our very polite chats, he suddenly shifts gears hard.
He's spouting Birther nonsense, trying to get me to leave my husband for him (literally haven't seen this ex in 20+ years) and no way in hell is that going to happen. I blocked him on social media and didn't think twice about it afterwards.
About six months later, our mutual college friends start haranguing me about why I'd ghosted the ex while he was deployed in Afghanistan, how dare I ghost a veteran who needed our support, etc. and how hurt my ex was that I'd cut off our friendship.
Oh boy.
Here's the thing. I kept a screenshot of his crap to show my husband. And each time one of my college friends started in with that nonsense, I sent them the screenshot. One of the guys was so pissed, he told my ex that if he didn't stop backstabbing, they'd send it to his current wife. :D
Haven't heard anything since - going on 8 years now. I don't expect to.
Forgiveness
Oh hey, I can answer this. This happened 9 years ago, when I was a teenager. I had started dating a guy who I really, really liked. He did not like my best friend, and would often make fun of her. I felt like my friendship with her was coming to an end anyway because we were drifting apart, so I didn't stop him. His toxic behavior actually made me start resenting her.
Eventually, I just ghosted her. Left her on read. Never hung out with her anymore. We didn't go to the same school, so I just never saw her.
She sent me a looong message asking why was I not talking to her? Did she make me mad, did she do something wrong? It was a really heartbreaking message, and I pretty much told her that I felt like we weren't close anymore, that I was in a good relationship and I didn't feel like we were friends anymore. She responded by basically saying she understood with a sad face.
I didn't talk to her for almost a year. I'm not sure what the push was (I was still dating the guy), but I missed her and I texted her a very long message apologizing and groveling. That I was wrong and stupid, not sure what came over me, etc.
She forgave me. I don't know why, I pulled a really crappy move and I know I did it when she was at a low point. I'm so extremely grateful that she decided to give me another chance. We're still best friends to this day. But her confronting me when I initially ghosted her was absolutely miserable and heartbreaking. I still feel like such a piece of crap for it.
2 Out....
I'm currently ghosting two friends. They are a married couple that wanted to bring me into the relationship. It didn't end well and after two months of not speaking to each other, they reached out again. I was willing to reestablish only friendship. But they still were pushing for me to be romantic with the wife. I was pretty uncomfortable and felt anxious about it, especially after the fallout, and decided for everyone's safety and wellbeing, I needed to block them.
They sorely lacked adequate communication for a three-way relationship and were pretty manipulative with me and used my naivety and trust in them to get what they wanted.
Sometimes, ghosting is the answer. Not always. If there's a chance to discuss it rationally, then do it. But if you don't have that chance, ghost.
EDIT TO ADD: I consider this ghosting because I cut contact without an explanation on seemingly good (in their POV) terms. I've always thought that is what ghosting was. The only time I expressed I wanted their friendship was when we initially reconnected after the fight. After that, they began pursuing me again and I decided to completely block them without talking to them about it further.
Why do you hate me?
Okay, I wouldn't call it ghosting... but, I sometimes don't like talking to my mom. We have a very strained relationship and sometimes it's better for my own mental health to just not engage.
Anyway, one time I was legitimately at the gym with my trainer and didn't answer.
She left a voicemail that said, "You ALWAYS have your phone on and answer when (bf) calls or texts. Why do you hate me so much?"
I am a 32 year old mother of 3, raising my kids and my boyfriend's son. I'm busy. I'm tired. I just want to be left alone.
It's Me...
benedict cumberbatch drinking GIFGiphyWhen things aren't going well in my life, I turn inward and isolate myself.
I'm not good at receiving support and therefore I avoid people when i'm not doing well. It makes me ghost the people I care about and then suddenly contact them again and the cycle continues.
I've been called out on it and i'm honest. I'm sure it's hurtful and it makes me feel awful but I don't know how to be anything but the happy supportive friend that you'll get close to and i'll disappear when I can't be that.
It's Not You
I was low-key dating/hanging out with this guy that started ghosting me. After a while I texted and just asked him to honestly tell me what was up. He explained in great detail that he met someone else and had fallen hard for her. He apologized sincerely for being a fool by ghosting and I actually really appreciated some brutal honesty for once. I've dated so many morons that would lie about everything or gaslight me that I aways prefer the harshest truth now.
No Way Abandon Thread GIFAfter dating her for two weeks, my father passed away.
I told her up front that I am not in a good place emotionally, wasn't comfortable sharing my grieving process with someone I had just met, and that I couldn't promise I would still be open to dating anyone in the near future.
She called me out for ghosting her a month later.
Want one, Lexi?
I've ghosted, but usually don't get called out. I used to be honest, but having more than one dude call me names for not thinking they were a good match killed that habit.
Worst was a dude I'd gone on a couple dates with. He was nice enough, just a little too odd and clingy. Insisted on picking me up - I refused and met him instead. Insisted on driving me to the theater between dinner and the movie. I refused again. Then acted weird in the theater, yelling at people if they so much a coughed.
After the movie, he was bold enough to go for a kiss. I did the cheek turn thing, then left. In the twenty minutes it took me to get home, there were over a dozen texts, each one more frantic than the last because I hadn't replied yet.
I immediately noped out, and ghosted. For weeks I got messages before he told me "he thought I was better than this". But then I'd get the odd text like he was testing the water. The weirdest was "Mmm. Shamrock shake. Want one, Lexi?"
I'm very glad he didn't have my home address.
Hurtful
My (adopted) aunt. Her and her biological sister came home from school one day to find that their parents packed up the house and moved without them. She was probably 15 at the time. She called her best friend (my biological aunt) and my grandparents let her move in with them, eventually legally adopting her. I can't even imagine the hurt and confusion she felt. She's still friends with her sister and I believe she eventually got back into contact with her biological parents.
I said No
Sad Baby GIFGiphyI only ghosted him after he asked me out and I declined and he became hostile. Then he started throwing more tantrums and eventually went to my friends and asked them to stop being friends with me so yes I was wrong for not blocking him immediately.
In my Head
I'm a ghoster. I feel terrible about it. I mean to write, and mean to write, then time has passed so I have to write something really good, then more time passes but it is around my birthday or a holiday so looks weird if I reach out then.
So I communicate daily with you in my head, many apologies and conversations. My anxiety just gets overwhelming.
If you contact me I will usually respond to the branch gladly.
Change it....
I have ghosted a couple girls. I did it because I didn't feel I wanted to pursue the relationship. I should of told them how I felt straight up. One girl I ghosted I ran into a couple months later at a bar she told me how hurt she was and I felt like a complete asshole. Changed my perspective completely and haven't done it since and will not ever do it again. Just tell them your honest feelings and you're much better off.
Sorry
Sorry Shame GIF by reactionseditorGiphyI've been ghosting this girl I liked and she hasn't noticed because I'm the one who always starts the conversation (I now know that I'm not technically ghosting her please stop commenting that).
It's Not Me
It made me feel like crap to be honest. That's not who I am but at the time I was going through a rough patch in a relationship and my home life wasn't great either. Being alone felt like the only option at one point until a good friend I ghosted expressed his concerns.
Done with You
I'm currently "ghosting" this girl that has been manipulating me for months. i was attached to her so much that she could just withhold affection until i did what she wanted. and she had me convinced that the reason she was so stingy with her love was because i was doing something wrong or i just wasn't good enough.
I met someone else and i've been giving the first girl the could shoulder ever since. she facetimed me the other night, wasted, crying that i don't love her as much as i used to. i corrected her; "that's not true, i actually don't love you anymore at all."
She texts and snaps me regularly trying to apologize. i think she means it. but i have no intention of responding and risking letting her back into my life. rather not have her in my life as a constant reminder of all the suffering i went through because of her abuse.
At Christmas
I was close friends with someone at work for 17 years (seventeen!!) Then the school we worked in closed, and we were moved to different schools. For the first 4 months, I made all the effort in staying connected. After Christmas break, I just stopped. It took her 6 weeks to reach out to me. That was a really hard time.
someone boss GIFI was never called out on it, but I deeply regret that I hurt someone that meant a lot to me. I take full responsibility for my actions. I think ego defense mechanisms play a part in situations where you don't have a real good reason for what you did. You just build a wall and start running. But it eventually catches up with you.
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All that she wants....
Awkward Nick Jonas GIF by Jonas BrothersGiphyShe only talked to me when she wanted something, and it was always when she needed emotional support, but then was curiously absent when I'd ask the same. Was just exhausting and I didn't want to go through the effort of explaining it to her.... it wouldn't have changed anything.
We'll See
She never mentioned that she had a kid prior to the date then spent the whole date texting the baby daddy.
Openly disparaged my profession despite knowing it from day one.
And the kicker, casually mentioned that she was "afraid because as more brown people moved into the area there was more kidnappings happening in the local Walmart" (no kidnapping had been reported in the last 12 months).
So yea I never talked to her again, though I didn't exactly imply I was going to after that date anyway more of a "we'll see."
BLOCK!
She simply wouldn't accept that I broke up with her. The onslaught of texts and voice mails begging for me to take her back followed up by her calling me every name in the book just adds up you know? So for my own sanity I had to block her number and through any other forms of communication. I got many, many more notices of a block number trying to text or call me for two weeks after that. Then it all stopped. I regret nothing, ghosting was the only way I could get away from that.
One Way Out
I realized I was doing all the talking/asking all the questions to get to know her. Having a one-way conversation is exhausting and that's why I hate online dating so much. Why bother matching if you're not going to contribute anything?
"oh, i don't like to"
She was $200k+ in debt
She had a chronic medical condition that was manageable but would require me to change my lifestyle if things got serious.
She had a phobia of talking on the phone, not just "oh, i don't like to" but actually talking on the phone could induce PTSD. Texting was fine.
These are things you deal with if they come up when you're already committed, but i didn't want to sign up for all that after just 1 date. I couldn't think of a polite reason to tell her because we did have matching personalities, besides that other stuff.
First Date Issues
The first date was weird. It was fine at first. I met her on a dating site. She was a little different looking then her pic but I was ok with it. After a movie we went to a bar in NYC. I went to the bathroom and when I came back to our table there was a different woman there. It was her best friend who had shadowed us and asked a ton of questions.
After I passed the 'test' they took me to an underground hookah bar in the village. I don't like cigarettes let alone what everyone was smoking. I hung out for a bit and left politely. I should have texted back the times she texted me but I was young and inconsiderate.
So Messy....
Oh man early 20's I was just bad at this.
One girl first date she seemed way to overly assumptive. I'm not saying she named the kids yet, but I got the impressions she was running names. That one turned into a bit of a stalker situation.
Was sober the next morning and decided I couldn't do that to a friend. That turned into a messy situation as well.
She was a stripper, I wasn't adult enough yet to say I really like you but I don't know how to manage that aspect of your life.
Break the Fever
espn argentina fever GIF by ESPN SurGiphyFirst date, she didn't look like her profile picture and kept talking about having baby fever and would talk about it and then stare at me to try to gauge my reaction.
"cyber sex"
An ex coworker texted me and I thought it was cool because she always seemed really nice and I thought she was really attractive. This was before you could text images so "cyber sex" as they called it in the golden age of digital perversion was telling each other what you'd like to do to them and they describe how they're reacting, what they're wearing, etc. A text version of a hot Facetime date.
Anyway as things get more heated with this girl she starts working in yard maintenance equipment to the point that she only lets me describe her as if she's grass and I'm a lawn mower and I'm using all these tools to pleasure her. It just gets too weird for me so I cut her off completely and won't respond to anything she texts me. She keeps texting me for about a month the I suppose she realized I wasn't interested anymore.
be cool....
Mariah Carey GIF by TwitterGiphyI went home for christmas, told her i'd message when I'm back in town, sent one text when i got back. All I got back from her was "cool". So I left it at that.
Can't Feel It
I have bonding issues caused by how I was raised by my parents.
(Edit: I read this again. Its a strong affection rather than a cause)
Wen things start to get going and I start to feel genuine affection, I get a strong gut feeling that I have to leave immediately, I will get burnt. And it will hurt so much that I will die.
I am doing therapy and I hope I will conquer the fear.
Job Hunting
Every time she texted me, it was pretty much just to complain about her job. That didn't justify me ghosting her though. I still feel bad. We were probably around 4 months. I asked her out probably a week after texting and then a few weeks later. Both times she said she would rather keep texting for a while.
disconnect
old man no GIFGiphyShe barely said a word on the first date, and I tried to pull conversation out of her. Also felt no connection whatsoever.
Gotta go... go... GO!
We both had recently gone through breakups and were just meeting for sex. Then she told me her boyfriend left her because she slipped him GHB thinking that he would find it sexy, she didn't see what was wrong with that and then pulled out a damn mason jar full of it to show me. I literally left when she was in the bathroom and never texted/called back.
Feelings Lost
Was into this girl she was a few years older. She wanted something casual so I went with it. After a while I noticed I had developed some feelings, told her about it. She said we should no longer continue but can be friends.
I was down with it. But then I found out she had lied to me about having a boyfriend. She had a boyfriend the entire time, and I had made it very clear to her numerous times I wanted nothing to do with her if she was in a relationship.
I felt so wrong. I have been cheated on in the past, and I never wanted to be part of an affair. She tried to blame me, saying it was my fault, I should have known, and that even if I had known I still would have had sex with her because all guys are the same and only want sex.
I stopped talking to her. She's reached out a few times calling me a little fool for not wanting to be friends with her anymore.
Just Shut Up
bla talking GIF by neomagazinroyaleGiphyShe would not stop talking. Everyday, from 8 am to 11 pm, I just had a wall of texts. I didn't even answer most of the time but she didn't seem to need a partner in the conversation.
"6 Months Later..."
Went on a 2 dates, she made a big deal that night about waiting to sleep together. The next morning I get a phone call that my father passed away... little foggy for a few months after that with depression and so on. 6 months later I realized that I never called her back, but didn't matter during that time I lost my phone and all contacts. Now it's been a few years, and the funny thing is I was just thinking about that before I read this question.
Making it Weird....
My ex-girlfriend wouldn't stop texting or calling me when I told her we were done. I had tried to be nice and be friendly after we broke up but she just couldn't accept the message that we were done, so eventually I just told her that there was absolutely nothing left for us to discuss and that since she couldn't seem to leave me alone I had to block her and not respond to her in any way.
She told our mutual friends that I "ghosted her" for absolutely no reason and with no warning and a bunch of them ended up hating me, including my best friend's girlfriend who was the one who had originally introduced us. It was super awkward for a while.
Glenn Close is that you?
glenn close GIFGiphyShe dyed her hair my fav color after one date and told my friends how much she was into me. Also started bawling to me that I was considerate enough to call and say I'd be late as her ex never did. There was too much obsession and damage done. She later showed up at my house looking for me and insisted I was home when I wasn't as she stole a pair of my shoes.
"who you are?"
Basically wouldn't ghost unless she showed a complete lack of respect for my time.
I've left from a date and ghosted because she was 45 min late, and texted asking me to wait because she was still on another date.
I also don't mess around with women who don't look like their profile picture.
This isn't a vanity thing, its about lying about something as basic as "who you are" and typically is a sign she's got self esteem issues she's trying to fix by getting a man. I never ghosted these women flat out but i made an excuse not to see them again. If they tried to guilt me into dating them, then I'd ghost.
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Pay your bills.
When I came home to find the power off. Bill hadn't been paid.
We were friends from work. He had split up from his ex and I needed to be closer to work. We went 50 50 on a rental, he has three kids from the previous relationship.
With me being the nerd I agreed to pay the tech bills. Internet, phone, cable TV. He agreed to pay the power as he burnt more because his kids were over on access visits.
Came home. Dark house. Hmmmm. Investigate. He hadn't paid the power for AGES because his new girlfriend wanted the money. Then I discovered he wasn't paying his rent either, same reason.
Down $5k, power, rent, we were evicted. Ghosted.
The cycle continues.
GiphyShe started hanging out with a new friend, that's fine, I'm not her only friend. Then while we were hanging out, as pre-planned she would leave to go hang out with her new friend, then she'd break plans with me to hang out with her, all while tagging her on Facebook so none of it was being hidden.
Three years later she reaches out to me and apologizes, it's genuine as she mentioned insightful things she would have no way of knowing unless she had grown and been very honest with herself.
We are friends for another two years when she starts to hang out with another new friend...repeat.
That's just awful.
We had been friends for years. Like long term sisterhood kind of sh!t. I did soooo much for her over the years and didn't even bat an eyelash. I asked her to watch my cat while I went on a 10 day vacation (a cat that she also "loved" because it belonged to her family before me)
She agreed to watch the cat. I even called her about 4 days into my vacation to ask her again to go and check on my cat to make sure it had food/water and a few scritches. When I came home my cat's water and food bowl were bone dry and she let out the most tormenting "meows" I have ever heard. My "friend" didn't check on her once in the 10 days that I was gone. She played stupid when I confronted her about it and said "oh! I completely forgot!" That was the beginning of the end.
Edit: as for ghosting her, I had to. After the cat incident, she tried to make me feel guilty for being mad at her for it. I think I even ended up apologizing because she was so beside herself. A few more disagreements accrued after that, and I was always put on a guilt trip. I decided that I didn't need that negativity in my life anymore, and I ghosted her. To this day she tries to get back to me. Even through mutual friends, she bad mouths me, then tells them how much she misses me. Chick is wack.
I've been there too.
When I realized a lot of the things that made her laugh were at my expense. She thrived off of humiliating me.
I was bullied in school - but my worst bully was my "best friend"
I used to come home and cry to my mom. I would be heartbroken over how my "best friend" was treating me.
Honestly - I don't remember what my mom would tell me, but I wish she would have told me that I was worth way more than the treatment than I received from her, that she was a bad friend and I should drop her, that I had friends who treated me with respect and that I should spend my time with them, that she would have forbade me from hanging out with her - anything. anything.
I wasted something like 15 years with that girl in that abusive friendship.
This seems to be common.
GiphyGetting ditched every time there's a new guy on the scene but been expected to be there the second it all breaks down.
Sounds like a hypocrite.
When I realised I put so much more into the friendship than she did.
Whenever we met up it was basically time for her to vent about her life. She always had some ridiculous drama over something tiny. She had 2 sisters. It would change week to week which one she was talking with and which one she'd never speak to again. And then don't get me started on her hatred for her husbands family, mostly cause they were from a different ethic background and social class.
Lots of other similar issues that showed she was just a narcissist.
For a while I put up with it cause catching up with her was a way for me to go drinking not on my own.
Then there were a few big events in my life and she just wasn't there for me and didn't care. Well she pretended too but sent her husband to take care of me. Then would try to get me to come listen to her yap on for hours. Or do stuff for her. If I tried to talk about my stuff she'd criticise me and say everything isn't about me then go on talking about how terrible it was that her mother in law didn't say the right thing to her.
It just got to a point where I decided I didn't care about her drama and it was draining my life energy and I decided my life would be better off without her. And it honestly has been.
Good. Don't give her the time of day.
She burned the bridge. For most of the year and a half that she and I started working at the same place, she bullied me, micromanaged me, made me feel left out, and gaslighted me whenever I tried to confront her behavior. It was almost always my fault, nothing I ever did was right, and she refused to believe that she has control issues or that she was using me as a punching bag. She started doing this thing where she wouldn't text me unless I texted her first, and then get mad if I didn't text her.
So, once she quit the job, I stopped texting her. I haven't spoken to her at all since August 2019 and I don't regret it.
A POS indeed.
GiphyHe knocked on my door one night and said 'Let's go for a drive". This wasn't that odd since I love driving to cool my head. So we start driving and maybe 10 minutes in, he starts directing me on where to go. He asks me if I mind making a quick stop. I'm annoyed but say sure. We end up at this sketchy house in the middle of nowhere and my buddy goes inside, but tells me to wait in the car.
Almost 45 minutes later he comes back out and says we gotta go to the bar. It takes me about 10 seconds to realize this POS went in there to get drugs and was already high. So I tell him that I'm not feeling it tonight and drop him off at his place. Spoke to him once after that when he wanted to hang and I told him I'm nobody's errand boy. Never gave a sh*t if he got the message because I haven't spoken to him since.
Get away from her.
I loved this girl. She was so clutch for me when my life was in ruins. The issue was that she and I were both addicts at the same time and both came from the same types of affluent families, but for whatever reason - I got clean and I turned my life around while she got worse. She and I were both addicts with eating disorders, alcoholism, and both addicted to Xanax.
I got clean and only recently (7 years later) have started experimenting with maybe one or two beers per month if I'm out with my husband. She ended up with this awful guy who she will not give up who got her hooked on meth. I was there for her for a long time. After rehab and a few arrests, she stayed at my house for a bit on two different occasions. But the last time she did, she tore my house apart looking for alcohol (which we didn't have), stole my ID so she could get Postmates to deliver vodka to my house, and nearly got us both killed by grabbing and yanking my steering wheel while I was going 80mph up I-95. I've tried so many times to help her get and stay clean, but she keeps going back to that guy and her triggers are my triggers. I had to distance myself because she was making me relapse.
What a garbage person.
Guy told me "You'll never be a good teacher."
After two years of unemployment following my graduation with a teaching degree.
I realized the bastard had meant every 'joking' insult he'd ever said to me.
Be Mature.
GiphyI ghosted my best friend at the time. For some reason she started acting all weird in senior year (she'd go weeks without talking to me or getting mad at me for minor things), finally at our graduation she talked to me and basically told me that she was not going to be my friend anymore because she believed that high school friendships had to end in order to "mature" as a person. Anyway, I was sad and frustrated because I couldn't do anything about it.
About 3 months pass and she sends me a text saying that she misses me and that what she said was a mistake. We started hanging out again and then she'd start acting weird again, then would go on and end our friendship again, that happened about 5 more times, until I just decided to stop replying to her texts.
Last time she texted me was about 2 months ago, in a long ass paragraph she asked if I missed her. I replied with a very short and cold text, told her that I didn't and was living a fairly enjoyable life without her in it. I realize that it might sound harsh, specially because she still tries to be friends again, but really... I was always there for her, she hurt me many times with the stuff she said and did, and even so I'd go back to her, trying to keep our friendship. At some point I just had enough and stopped caring for her. I don't resent her for it, just hope she can find a way to "mature" and be a better person. TheDeer6277
A Bad Friend.
A gay friend of mine was very pushy and demanding of pictures (nudes, shirtless, etc.) of me. It got to the point that i told him i was uncomfortable with it and requested he stop. He sent a massive tirade of how him being attracted to me was just how he was and implied that i was somehow being both a bad friend AND homophobic for not being flattered at his attention. I stopped talking to him altogether. Sucks because i miss my friend, I hope he is doing well, and i wish him the best, but boundaries have to be respected. damndingashrubbery
Blocked.
I ghosted my ex bf bc he was manipulating me for a long time and when i called him out he victimized himself and i was sick of it so i blocked him. pastel11037
Me First.
The only person I ever cut contact with was my step father. He was a nasty drunk who liked to beat me up, held a gun to my head one time, just a generally sad sad man. I was 12 or so when the beatings started, 15 when the gun thing happened. I moved out at 17 and put myself through college. I'm a teacher now.
I just figured we were both better off without the other. I saw him twice in the last 25 years of his life. Once, I got to my moms house early and he accidentally met my then 1 year old son. That sucked. A couple of years later I had to find him at his apartment because my sister had an accident and was in the hospital. My mom separated from him when I was 20 but she kept trying to help him.
She told me that she didn't want him to die and leave her wondering if she could have done more, which I guess is noble. She couldn't leave him when he was awful to me bc she had little kids and no means of support. She left when he started in with my brother, so she knew it wasn't me, it was him.
When he died (prob of alcohol withdrawal) I wound up pretty much making all of his funeral arrangements. I did it for my siblings, who were his children, and who were wrecked.
So I cut him out to protect myself. I'm almost 50 now and I feel sorrier for him than ever. Chickiepie
Not Another Minute.
GiphyAttended their birthday dinner, their partner was repeatedly horrible to me whenever their back was turned.
Knowing it would my word against the boyfriends and we were not super close friends, I just faded away. I really don't want to spend another minute with their boyfriend or listen to then go on about them. Terryfoldyholds
She Evil.
A girl who I considered my best friend for four years got a DUI and lost her license, and couldn't get a work permit. I gave her rides to and from work for six months, while I was working overnights and going to school full time, so I was loosing a LOT of sleep because of it. It was about 45 minutes to an hour round trip depending on traffic.
I never asked for payment of any kind, and she never offered any. I even bought her Uber's home from the bars when we would go out, because she would regularly get far too intoxicated to function. When she finally got her license back, she basically acted like I didn't really exist anymore. She got a whole bunch of new friends and stopped inviting me places, and would only occasionally text/Snapchat me back.
I ghosted her then (trying to beat her to it I guess) but a few months later tried to rekindle it. Then she tried to screw my boyfriend (whilst very drunk) so I called it quits completely and blocked her on everything. It hurt a lot, and honestly still messes me up a year later. merfrogggg
No Contact.
My girlfriend off 6 years, she went away on army basic training. No contact for 63 days, I wrote letters and messaged her everyday so she wouldn't miss anything when she got back.
She got back. She was distant. Her cousin told me she was cheating and met someone else.
I just send her a text saying 'Don't contact me ever again, best wishes for the future. Love Unhappyspark'. unhappyspark
Too Much Drama.
She started dealing heroin out of her house and kept asking me to steal stuff from the veterinary hospital I worked at. I ghosted her and never looked back. Her and her mother blew up my phone for a while telling me what a huge piece of crap I am but I was afraid of her and I was a huge coward. Probably not the best way to handle the situation but also, heroin. FelixFelicis
*Shrugs*
It started with them claiming that they forget to check their social media often. After that, they admitted they were not telling the truth and that they were going through a bad time. After that, they continued to ghost me and admitted they were avoiding me for whatever reason. This carried on for six months, all the meanwhile claiming they were incredibly invested in the "friendship".
Even if they were not a malicious person, well, they certainly weren't ready for any kind of friendship. *Shrugs* SagetheWise2222
Toxic.
GiphyI've ghosted a few people and its because I consider myself a toxic person. Like I have so many issues that I don't want anyone to know about or be involved with so I cut them out of my life and run away. I tell myself they're better off not knowing or interacting with me but its probably because I don't know how to communicate things in a healthy manner. Maruchan7
Quit the Cycle.
They moved away and became a bit of a mess. They'd only contact me about dramatic crap and I got tired of constantly offering advice only for it to be ignored, which would lead to me having to offer even more advice.
Its all well and good being a supportive friend and some people make you feel guilty for abandoning a friend you're supporting.
It Just Happened.
GiphyI wanted to reply but didn't have the energy, then time passed and passed and passed and I was feeling anxious and ashamed to reply to something that was sent two weeks ago, so I just let it be. Flytrappy
But at the end of the day, you're a human being too with a life to live and if the other person is literally just using you to make themselves feel better then that's draining.
I made contact again last year and it took about 5 minutes for the cycle to start again, so I cut it off quickly (I'm a lot more confident than I used to be) and drew a line under it. pyromanta
100% relatable.
Because they were abusive. You can't reason with abusive people. It's safer to cut all contact. Transplanted_Cactus
100% relatable. I agree it's usually better to discuss problems you're having in any kind of relationship, but with abusive ones there's nothing to do.
Anything you say will be used against you, literally. It's a never ending circle. Sometimes it's better to protect yourself and just leave - they wouldn't understand anyway. Physical-Echidna
Working on It.
Just throwing this out there. I travel for work. My trips can be from 1-3 weeks long. A few times I've forgotten my personal phone at home. Then I get back and have all the stuff I missed locally to catch up on. I can straight up disappear from the digital grid for a month if I'm not careful.
This ruined a few relationships I had with people, but those who understood that it wasn't personal stayed around. When I'm back, things pick up like I never left. Act like you care enough that time apart means very little, or that you miss them and it'll all be good. TheJackalsDoom
2 Way Street.
GiphyRealized I was always the one initiating hanging out so I just stopped texting them to see if they'd ever ask me to hang, haven't heard from them since. theitalianrob
Over & Out!
We would make plans to go out. I'd be ready to go and she would leave me waiting. I'd start calling and texting her asking where she is, but never receive an answer. I'd say forget it and go out with other friends anyway, only to run in to her hanging out with other people who I guess she thought were more important. I don't need fickle people like that in my life.
Also ghosted my core group of girl friends because I found out one of them had been spreading vicious lies about me while pretending to be my friend to my face. The others chose her. So I peaced out. It hurt like hell but my life is so much better and calmer now. pinkgallo
"Hey what's up?"
We went through bad breakups weeks apart and helped each other kind of piece things back together.
He got married after dating a girl for less than 8 months and thinking about breaking up with her a month in. Shortly after their wedding we talked less. They had a kid and I was the first person not in their family to meet the baby. We talked even less which I get kids keep you busy. Then he stopped texting me at all, then when we worked for the same company would try to walk right past me and avoid me.
That was my breaking point where I decided to just never initiate conversation again.
Ran into him a month or so ago, got the least sincere "Hey what's up" ever. We haven't spoken in over 3 years at this point and dude couldn't even give me a legitimate greeting or even "How've you been?" Just like "Hey what's up. Cool" then walked away without even saying see you later.
No idea why or what I did, but pretty much decided he can screw off. MrPureinstinct
Bad Call.
I ghosted a friend last year. I was going through a rough patch in my life and I didn't have the energy to interact with someone like her (she was very talkative, outgoing, and constantly wanted to hang out). Looking back on it, I regret it a lot. She was still very nice and caring, and it's not like it was her fault that I wasn't doing too well. I've thought of reaching out to her again, but I'm not sure how she feels about the whole ordeal now. curtaincallz
7 Years On....
Not proud of it, but my father. He had a mental breakdown after my mom passed and after several attempts to get him help including offers to pay for therapy, going with him to therapy, Baker Acting him, spending 5 years of no contact then finding him and moving him to the city I was living in & trying again from square one, I finally gave him an ultimatum-seek help and we will work on this father-child relationship or go about your life without me.
It's been 7 years or so & I have kept him out of my life as much as possible. We were never close but he is a good person. I wish him well and hope he is happy, healthy and safe. I have no siblings or grandparents. I guess you don't know what you're missing if you never experienced it. All that being said, it has had a giant influence on me being child free. buickbeast
Poison People.
GiphyI ghost toxic people. It's just easier than explaining to them that you hate them as a person. realsies11