Image by LOC TRAN from Pixabay

Suddenly ceasing all forms of communication with someone is colloquially known as ghosting.

Anyone committing the practice says a lot about their character and are instantly pegged as someone who has no regard for people's feelings.


And while we default to criticizing the individual – whether they are a coworker, friend, or even a romantic interest – have you ever wondered if there is ever a valid excuse for their actions?

Curious to hear about the other perspective, Redditor are_we_human_ asked:

"People who have ghosted friends permanently: Why did you do it?"

When Talking Does Not Help

These people thought the individual did not need an explanation for slipping out.

Tired Conversations

"When I felt like I had to walk on eggshells around them constantly. Like it felt like no matter what I said, it was always the wrong thing. I'd be asked for my honest opinion on something and no matter how I answered it was the wrong thing. Or even if I did so much as say 'I legitimately don't have any input for this, it's out of my wheelhouse', well…wrong answer."

"It got to the point where I got tired of just feeling like no matter what I said it was wrong and I just let the conversation die and dead it has been for a year or so."

We1tfunk

Waiting To Make A Move

"I've technically done this by going 'okay, I'm always initiating the conversation, so now I'm going to let them message me first' and then never hearing from them again."

onceinabox

Your Turn

"Yeah, I've done this. The whole 'ok, your turn to take the lead' thing and they never contacted me again. When you couple it with the realization that the only time they were contacting you was to ask for a favor, you realize where things really stood."

tah4349

Detoxing

For people wanting to cut off negative relationships, ghosting was the only solution.

Distancing From Troubled Relationships

"Because I found out he was verbally abusing his child and physically abusing his wife. Tried to do more for the wife and child but she went and denied it all when social services got involved. Sadly they are still together and he is still a drunk who hasn't changed."

"At that point I had to pull my family away from that and move on with life."

"Was my best friend since childhood and I never knew any of it all that time. 🤦♂️"

El_Collector

No Time For Fake Drama

"She kept lying to me. Really stupid small and mainly harmless lies - concerts she'd gone to, how many times she took her driving test, people she's dated. It's like she would forget that we'd been besties since we were 14 and were now in our 20's so I knew who she'd dated, concerts and driving test etc."

"She tried to get back in touch 5yrs later, messaging my sister and other school friends on FB saying she had desperately been trying to get in touch with me. She hadn't. I still lived in the same house, had the same mobile number and email etc"

"Eventually I got in touch with her and asked her to meet for coffee. Although it was lovely to see her and I genuinely missed her as we had some of the best times of our young lives together it became clear pretty quickly that she was still a liar but they had got bigger. Now she was saying her sister had attempted suicide and her daughter was nearly killed by a bus. I got really angry at her for telling such sh**ty lies like this which she tried to deny she was until I started asking her for details of when, where and how these things happened and she stumbled."

"I walked away and haven't heard from her since and I'm relieved. I don't need fake drama."

BoxsetQueen1980

Too Many Lies

"Impulsive liars. I had close to the same situation. I wish I would've understood the thought processes and all that, the lying really gets old."

lil_gusi

Being Used

"I learned I was just a friend of convenience. Nobody wanted me around unless I was a free atm, free tank of gas, or a free ear to b*tch to. Even though they did the bare minimum to act like they cared, my problems were my own. Yet I always had to be available for their weekly/monthly breakdowns about the most avoidable shit, like, saving money to pay a bill. Then it turns into b*tching about something we have planned they can no longer go to, being completely unsubtle that they expect me to offer to foot the bill. Or my personal fav, lying to me about having the money to go do said thing, and then at the last minute, declare they had some unexpected expense to take care of and are now broke, throwing expectant looks my way. But disagree, or get angry, or GOD FORBID say no to something, and it's years of silence. Finally, one day I just decided to keep it that way. Been silent ever since. Why care about ghosting someone when you were never really friends in the first place? Easiest decision ever."

Silver6Rules

Inconvenient Friendship

"She literally described my friendship as a burden. She said that she spent a lot of her time 'attending to' my messages and hang out time. An email or text message once or twice a week, and maybe a hang out session once a month is a burden? She then told me that I needed to 'think of a way to fix' our friendship."

"If my attention is a burden, then what exactly should I be doing? What does our friendship consist of if I cannot message you or hang out with you without being made to feel guilty about it? Why is it my responsibility to 'fix' our friendship when you're the one claiming it's broken?"

"I didn't exactly mean to ghost her...but every reply I came up with was filled with anger and hurt so I never sent it. It seems she'd be happier without me anyway."

drsameagle

Mean Girls

"One of the girls in my HS group was manipulative and had narcissistic traits."

"She was scheming who to be friends with to gain station and popularity, organized these sh*it talking campaigns to bully some of our classmates and make them seem ridiculous. And multiple times when we hung out she would make all these bitchy remarks at how I behaved and about the things I said. Not even backhandedly, though I think she was aiming to be subtle, and just sucked at it."

"It was ridiculously, the final nail on the coffin was when I was hanging out with a good friend of ours, my sister and this girl. And the whole night she makes these annoying comments at my behavior and interests. Once I finally told her that this is enough, and she needs to stop, she blamed me for flipping over a single small comment, while OBVIOUSLY my sister and one of my best friends had very clearly seen that she was using all my insecurities against me the whole night and that I did not in fact loose it over a single comment."

"Some of my friends still liked her and excused her behavior, so i simply stopped inviting her to places, talking to her and when invited somewhere together, avoided talking to her. After high school ended we didn't talk for years untill she recently sent a message apologizing."

Northern_dragon

The Antisemitic

"Dude I was friends with for a few years, one day out of seemingly nowhere he started spewing a bunch of anti-jew crap on facebook, essentially blaming the jews for any and every inconvenience or negative experience he or the world experiences. I unfriended him and never attempted contact again."

SilentMark1138

Too Clingy

People who felt their energy was being sucked away did what they had to do.

Not A Therapist

"He tried to cling to me as if his mental health was my responsibility. He really just couldn't comprehend the fact that having a friend is not the same as talking to a therapist."

budgetedchildhood

Other Perpsective

"I was this friend and I didn't even realise it til she (thankfully only temporarily) ghosted me! I drove her crazy and when she tried to ghost me I was relentless in trying to find out why. She tried to tell me but for some reason it wouldn't get through to me til she just completely removed me from her life. After about 3 months of isolation from [the virus] it clicked and I felt terrible. Dropped her a huge apology and got help. She was so patient and understanding with me and I'm forever grateful for that."

Arschgeige96

When It Takes Too Much Work

"I found that the friendship was draining all of my energy. Every conversation was negative, she had a victim mentality and a lot of issues that she created herself and refused to address. It became a chore to even talk to her. I know it sounds awful but it's the truth."

FlimsyHoliday7751

More Than Friends

"She weirded me out one too many times trying to be more than friends, and she drank a LOT."

"I moved out of town and didn't tell her. She went so far as to try intimidating my mother to get my address, but Mom knew who she was and why I didn't tell her so she didn't budge."

"This was about 1990. A couple years ago she messaged me on Facebook trying to break the ice with a question about a band I really liked when I knew her. I deleted it and blocked her and it's been quiet since then."

MichiganGeezer

Episode 1 Namaste GIF by Will & Grace Giphy

For many of these Redditors, avoiding confrontation was a better alternative to getting into a verbal – maybe even physical – altercation.

Ghosting is typical in the world of dating where a person sends a message and receives nothing but the silent treatment, but it also seems to be a common occurrence among platonic friendships.

If the goal is to avoid hurting someone's feelings, is ignoring the individual and not dignifying their concerns with some sort of acknowledgement an appropriate response?

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