Typically, there is no excuse for cheating on your partner. A relationship should be built on trust, and if you don't have that, it's best to not be in a relationship at all. But what about the rare occasion where it's actually justified?
streethunte asked: Cheaters of reddit. Why did you do it?
That's a tough one.
"Gonna break the theme and give a real answer of the one time I did cheat on someone.
Wasn't happy, was only in the relationship because of threats of self harm and not having the understanding and maturity to deal with it. Cared enough to say "okay okay we'll work it out" and go with whatever she wanted, but the relationship itself was hell. Was asked over by another girl, and thought to myself in that moment "I don't care, I've already tried to break up like half a dozen times" and went on over.
She found out, of course, and cut herself badly enough to get hospitalized. I told a nurse about our relationship and how I've been trying to end it but caving to her threats of self harm.
Her parents were there too, though they were of the opinion I should just stick with her to get her through life. Nurse told me that she was only going to end up killing herself and to leave her, and honestly that get-out-of-guilt-free-card was all I needed.
She died a few years later. Suicide.
I go back and forth on if the right thing to do was to stick with her and try to be her support. Don't set yourself on fire, and yet... I dunno."
"She chipped away at my self esteem and confidence for over a year. We did the thing where we would be good for a few months and then she would break up with me for a week or two, presumably to get with some guy she liked, I knew it was the case at least one of the times.
She would always make the comment, when we would be having make up sex, "I bet this is better than pleasurin yourself." So basically she was saying I wasn't attractive enough to have sex with anyone else. So I proved her wrong, also got some of my self esteem and confidence back, as pathetic as it sounds.
I had finally had enough when she was getting ready and casually said "I think I am too pretty for you." Kicked her out and declined any further attempts at reconciliation."
At least they grew from it.
"I was stupid. Only time I did it I was on the way out with my current gf. Girl that I had mutual feelings for was on the outs with her bf. Too many drinks later and we are going at it against a wall. Woke up the next day, broke up with my gf. Girl didn't leave her bf. Moved on.
Have an amazing wife and life now, but this mistake will be with me forever. I was the guy who said I would never cheat and now I am not that guy.
TLDR: Don't get drunk around people you have complex feelings about."
"No sex for a year. When we did have sex, she'd just lay there. She started going out all the time without telling me who/what/when/where. Always unhappy. Night of main event, other girl starts making major passes, I try to leave and call gf in my car. Rings and rings. More passes from other girl. Call gf again, she clearly hangs up/declines my call....
Go back inside to other girl.
This one has a happy ending.Giphy
"I was in a relationship with a man who was 8 years older than me and who started grooming me when I was 13.
The person I cheated with made me feel genuinely cared for and appreciated. It was something I'd never felt before. I felt safe. It was the first time I slept with someone because I actually wanted to, instead of doing it out of fear."
Not the best way to handle that.
"Because she cheated first, and lied to me about it. I then met a willing and sexually adventurous woman, and things happened.
I do have to thank my ex-girlfriend, because I would never have gone through it if she had not motivated me to do so.
The real answer: I was too much of a p***y to admit that the relationship had failed. I was determined to make it work, and I thought if I cheated we would be equal then I could move past her infidelity. I was wrong, SHE broke up with me not long thereafter."
A complicated situation.
"My first relationship lasted 3 years. This was all in high school.
It should have lasted 2. He was very mean to me and every time I tried to break it off, things only got worse. So I lied to him said I was staying home and then hung out with this guy who wasn't really my type but he was nice and followed me around like a puppy dog, obsessed with me, it made me feel special. I kissed him.
He found out I lied about staying home. Next time we met up I seriously feared for my life. He kept a closer watch on me, suspecting (but not knowing) I had a "thing" for this other guy.
Bf 1 and I planned to have sex after my birthday (we started dating when I was 15, this was almost 3 years later). I couldn't explain it to him, but after bad encounters early in life I wanted to be 18 before having consensual sex. I wanted to be an official adult first, as though waiting would stretch out my stolen childhood more. He thought it was stupid. It was, I still can't explain it."
"A few months before my birthday, my first bf moved to another state. We tried to long distance (his desire, not mine) but eventually things just fell apart slowly.
By then the other guy had lost interest and I was telling him I loved him, I just said it to get him to follow me around like an obsessed idiot like he used to because it made me feel better about myself. We ended up having sex a few days after my birthday (my first time) while I was technically still long-distance dating bf 1. I was not sexually attracted to this second guy, I only had sex with him because I thought it would make him value me more. I knew he'd had sex before and he claimed to be someone's first time as well.
Eventually bf 1 and I connected again and he told me he had his first time with someone else so I told him about my experience also. His was not great either. He was finally going to therapy and being medicated so I felt we could finally talk as adults. He's improved a lot, I'm very happy for him, but I told him we could not ever date again. He was still living far away and was much more meek and agreeable over text than in person.
Sorry that was so long and sad, but it has a happy ending. I've been in an actual healthy relationship for a year and a half now after learning to be comfortable on my own being single, but this guy really supports me and improves my life and brings me up when I'm down so that's why I'm dating him. I tell him all the time how grateful I am to have him in my life."
"I got caught up in a perfect storm of relationship struggles, low self esteem from loose skin after weight loss, extreme stress from school (and the resulting sleep deprivation), being manipulated by the guy I cheated with, and it being what I thought I needed to get my sex drive back. It was not. I told my boyfriend of 3 years about everything, and despite my best efforts, in all likelihood it'll be what ends our relationship.
Don't cheat, kids. You'll be full of self-hatred and hurt a person who you love. It's not worth it."
Short but intense.
"Boyfriend told me to quit my stressful job and find something else. Rent time comes around and he takes back his promise to cover me- says he doesn't care how I get the money.
Turns out he did care."
"S- my ex, B- my cheating accomplice
Was in a long distance relationship and S had been ignoring or cutting short calls for a few weeks. The last time we saw each other (about 6 weeks prior) S made comments that I didn't look as good since getting really into fitness/gym life and didn't feel like having sex with me.
I was out clubbing with my sports team and B (who had chatted me up a week before but I blew him off) started dancing with me and told me how good I looked. My drunk self just thought about how unhappy I had been and I decided I wanted to be single.
So I went back to B's place and slept with them. I did it purely because I wanted to and it was nice that someone thought I was hot.
Broke up with S the next day in case you were wondering. Turns out S had slept with 7+ other people and never told me."
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/