Why even bother being in a relationship? Seriously, if you're cheating something is wrong. So why not confront it and fix it or move on? Why do people choose to be cruel? And if cheating just "happens," then why not own up to it? If you run astray of your relationship, you're obviously not happy. Why be a sociopath by continuing to harm the people you profess to love? This isn't bitterness asking just curiosity.
Redditor u/santino_musi1 wanted to hear some confessions about straying by asking... People who cheated on their bf/gf/partner, what was going through your mind while doing it?
I've seen so many relationships go up in flames because of philandering. And the saddest part is, it all could've been avoided. Everyone else can see when it's not working, why are we so blind when we're the willing participants? I will admit, I have cheated more than once and I finally had to realize that I was never being fulfilled personally. And that was on me to fix. Some of the people on this chain feel that pain.
Bad Moment
immediate regret. Issues with commitment, self esteem issues, etc. (They're probably cheating too, what if we break up and never find anyone, what if this persons actually "the one")
Obviously, load of horsecrap looking back at it, and I hurt a few people. Terrible terrible decision.
I get so Emotional...
I'd say I emotionally cheated on my ex. Mostly what was going through my mind was "Crap, I think I'm falling in love with someone else. Crap. What do I do? Crap."
I'd say that's really only a problem if you don't break it off.
You're not required to stay in love, just to treat your partner with respect while you're in a relationship (and, ideally, after as well).
The problem is when you're in love with one person, and infatuated with another. That is rough, because obviously you still love the first person... But infatuation is the new-car-smell part of a relationship, and even when you know it's short-lived, it's still very seductive.
The Home Wrecker
I was in one of the best relationships with a childhood friend, if you know, those are the best ones. We were both in our mid twenties and my brother was murdered, in front of me. It was insanely traumatic and it messed me up.
I fell into a deep pit where I would do anything to feel.. anything. My ex reached out to me and wanted to have sex, she is a straight up home wrecker and gets off on it.
I fell for it and didn't even question the decision. It didn't even feel like a decision, I was so messed up I was like a jellyfish in the waves just getting taken anywhere. But now I know it was a decision, and the worst one I've ever made.
WTF?!!?!!
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I didn't cheat but my ex gf did. She preferred my brother rather than me because he was good-looking. They're married now. I know it cuz my brother invited me to his wedding to be his best man. Forget that!!
"This person desires me."
I thought "This person desires me."
I think it's honestly that simple for most people who cheat. Sure many people cheat just because they want to have sex, but I think the core reason for most people cheating is they simply don't feel desired by their significant other.
Like the start of any relationship people become interested in each other and the key feeling people experience is that wonderful feeling of being desired by another person. It makes you feel good looking, smart, strong. Knowing that this person wants to be with me is one of the best feelings in the world.
After a while that wears off in many cases. Eventually you take the other person for granted and they take you for granted. When that happens and your SO stops making you feel desired, you might start looking for that elsewhere. So even though you are in love with your SO and have a great relationship, they probably don't act like they want to be with you like they did in the beginning. Life becomes the same old same old.
Then someone else notices you and starts paying attention to you, giving you that sense of being desired again. You start seeing what you have been missing in the eyes of someone else.
I know that's what it was like for me many many years ago. I stopped feeling desired and when someone else showed that desire towards me, I foolishly followed it.
I have been happily married and 100% faithful for a long time to an amazing woman. I never fail to make sure she knows how much I desire her. Not because I don't want her to cheat, I trust her. I do it because I don't want her to ever feel like she isn't desired, that I take her for granted. And she makes me feel the same, every day.
Oof, that is a whole bunch of mess to process and fix. First... clearly some humans are just trash and beyond repair. I pray that a lot of you realize that in the end, they did you a favor and you dodged a bullet. Heck, a hailstorm of bullets. Next time, just go in with your eyes wide open. Maybe some other people fared better...
Insecure
I cheated because I was insecure and liked the validation that I got. It was a terrible ego-based decision that ended up hurting my partner terribly and making me feel even worse about myself. I have since quit drinking and worked on building self-esteem that is not dependent on my sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex.
When in HS
I was just out of high school and learning about relationships and sex. I went on a vacation and had an opportunity to have sex for the third time in my life with no way of my gf finding out, so I did it. I felt bad the whole time. When I came back, I broke up with her the next time I saw her. Cheating is certainly something I'll only do once. Still wish I'd never done it.
Hindsight
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Guilt, disgust and self loathing. Looking back I know I was in a toxic relationship and should have left him but cheating on him felt like a chunk of my soul was ripped out. Not worth it and will never do again.
Leave the Poison...
A friend of mine cheated because he was being physically and mentally abused by his girlfriend. He found someone who was patient, kind, and gentle with him that he just fell deep and cheated. Said he never knew someone could be this way with him. He did his ex a service and admitted everything and broke up with her, even though she already knew some way or another. Lots of fights, but he never touched her. He came out with a bloody lip and a black eye. He is now with the new girl and they've been together for 5 years, happy and planning on marrying.
She is Trash...
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A friend of mine cheated on her long distance boyfriend for months, with a super attractive guy at our university. When the bf finally came to visit, everyone had to pretend they didn't know about the cheating, but we ALL did.
The bf found out eventually, of course. He texted me "is she cheating on me with this dude?" And I said "no comment" which was enough.
The crazy thing is that she TRULY believed she did nothing wrong. She told everyone that it didn't count because her boyfriend was her first love and that would never change, blah blah. Horrible to not have a shred of remorse.
Combinations...
Combine low self esteem with an alcohol problem, and an honest belief that everyone would cheat given opportunity. I thought cheating was just a way to prove "you can't hurt me." I'm ashamed of the people I've hurt in my life. I still haven't figured it all out yet, but I'm working with my therapist to become a better person.
At 18 (f) I started working in an industry dominated by men and the number of guys that tried to pick me up was astronomical.
Didn't seem to matter if they were married or not, or old enough to be my father. It really screwed with my trust in people, especially men. I honestly believed that everyone would cheat and some people were just sneakier. So if my partner was going to cheat I might as well too. I realized way too late that if everyone I hung around with was willing to cheat it meant I was hanging around the wrong people.
Stay Calm
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My ex and i had troubles regarding my usage of a certain substance to calm your mind. at one point i was in a club with my then best friend (who also had a gf) and we both started dancing with these chicks.
the one i was dancing with took my hand and took me to the toilet to do whatever. i refused to even kiss her in that stall and left. i didn't tell her but it was on my mind all the time. i cheated on my ex 1 week later with 3 different girls when i was drunk and thought it'd be over anyways. when i woke up the next morning i remembered and it felt like a movie to me. had to break the news to her. never again.
Enjoy!
Nothing. Maybe a sociopath answer but legitimately nothing. It wasn't this over arching fear like oooh I better stop or else, it was legitimately not thinking of anyone or anything else just, "I want to enjoy the moment" I mean as far as sex. Emotionally becoming invested in someone is a slow burn with a quick pop.
You don't realize how far you've strayed until it's too late. You're having fun, you're just enjoying conversations and talking and then the next thing you know you realize it's not with your significant other but with this other person.
The self realization is the killer.
Tit for Tat
I cheated on him because he cheated on me first. We had not broken up yet, but as far as i was concerned it was over. I wanted to cheat just to show him that he was vulnerable to being cheated on, regardless of how big his ego was. He thought he could do what he want while no one would ever dare do the same to him.
She Trash
My soon to be ex cheated on me with the next door neighbor and subsequently ran off with him. She threw me away like a piece of trash (16 yrs together and 2 kids). I'm not angry (sarcasm). Anyway, I asked her "I understand the emotional feelings snuck up on you, but the first time you had physical contact, why didn't you stop and say, hey, this is not right?"
Her answer: "because it was fun."
And that, boys and girls, is why she's my soon-to-be-ex.
On a side note, I was thinking today that I feel sorry for her. Once a cheater always a cheater. They can never have a 100% trusting relationship because they both know that if things get tough the other person is perfectly capable of cheating on them. There will always be that tiny doubt in the back of their minds. Not a good foundation to build a relationship.
Excuses
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Alcohol and horniness also i was and probably still am a bad person
Oh and opportunity.
Years Later
My best friend cheated on his fiancee and when I asked him this same question, he told me that he was unhappy. He still didn't leave her and I know there's a lot of guilt there but, 2 years later, they are still together, not married, and have a kid.
Stay Quiet
I thought we had a "don't ask, don't tell" policy because we hadn't had sex with each other in years.
Turns out I was the only one who thought that.
The words seem absurd as I type them now. Who would have that deal without discussing it?
(Now I am in an open relationship, which is much more my style).
Physical
It was the least bad thing I could do.
My wife was completely dependent on me, but she was also a completely neglectful spouse. I tried all of the right ways to address the situation: books, therapist, good communication. I tried for years and years. She just had zero interest in my sexual needs but was utterly incapable of sustaining herself in any way if I left her and had no interest in changing that.
So I reached out for some physical comfort, knowing full well how wrong and bad it was. I never tried to justify it and say it was a good thing. I know I'm a crap human being and I don't know if I can live with myself if she found out because of the pain it would cause.
Cycle Back
i know this isn't even the question but my ex literally cheated on me with my best friend and ironically he got cheated on with his best friend before so that was something.
Love can be a poison. So we need to be drinking more water. Moral of the story: If you're going to cheat... be decent and tell your partner it's not working. And that it's YOU, not them.
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For many childhood memories are overrun by living nightmares.
Yes, children are resilient, but that doesn't mean that the things we see as babes don't follow us forever.
The horrors of the world are no stranger to the young.
Redditor -2sweetcaramel- wanted to see who was willing to share about the worst things we've seen as kids, so they asked:
"What’s the creepiest thing you saw as a kid?"
Serious Danger
"Me and my best friend would explore the drainage tunnels under the Vegas area where we grew up. These were miles long and it was always really cool down there so it was a good way to escape the heat of our scorching hot summers. We went into this one that goes under the Fiesta casino and found a camp with a bunch of homeless people."
"Mind you we are like 11 years old lol. And we just kept going like it was nothing. It wasn’t scary then but when I look back at it we could have been in some serious danger. Our parents had no idea we did this or where we were and we had no cellphones. We could have been kidnapped and never have been found."
oofboof2020
Waiting for Food
"I was at a portillos once when I was 12 and I was waiting with my little brother at a booth while my parents got our food. This guy was standing with his tray kind of watching me then after a couple of minutes he started to walk over really fast not breaking eye contact with me."
"He was 2 feet from the table and my dad came out of nowhere and scared the s**t out of him. He looked so surprised and just said he wanted to see if I’d get scared or not. He left his tray full of food near the door and left. My folks reported him but we never went to that location again since we found a better one closer to home."
nowhereboy1964
Captain Hobo to the Rescue
"When I was a pretty young teen, my friends and I were horsing around in San Francisco and started hanging out to smoke with some homeless guys. Another homeless dude came up and began aggressively trying to shake us down for anything (money, smokes, a ride, drugs- all of it) and wouldn’t take no for an answer."
"We got in over our heads and could tell this guy was now riling the other 2 guys up and they were acting like they wanted to jump us. Some grandfather-looking old homeless man appeared out of nowhere and yelled at us to get the f**k out of here- nice kids like us don’t belong down here at this hour!!"
"Captain Hobo saved our lives that night. My parents sincerely thought we were at a mall all day lol."
FartAttack911
Survival
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"I was 7 and survived the 2004 tsunami in Thailand. Witnessed the wave rise way above the already massive palm trees (approx. 40ft?) and my family and I watched/heard the wave crash into the ground from a rooftop."
faithfulpoo
These Tsunami stories are just tragic.
On the Sand
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"We were a group of kids who went to swim in a local lake. And there was a dead body on the beach with their hands raised and their legs bent unnaturally that local police just took out of the same lake. I've never put my foot in these waters again."
oyloff
Be Clever
"I was walking to school and I was about 5 or 6 years old and some guy pulled up beside me in his car and asked if I would get in. He also offered me sweets to do so. I said no. The creepy bit was when he calmly said ‘clever boy’ to me, then drove off. I’ve never even told my parents or anyone else about this as it would most likely freak them out."
OstneyPiz
Bad Jokes
"Dad's side of the family pranked me by burying a fake body on our back property and had me dig it up to find valuables. Was only allowed to use a lantern for light. They stuffed old clothes with chicken bones. Sheetrock mud where the head was... Random fake jewelry as the treasures... I was like maybe 10 or 11.. I remember digging up the boot first and started gagging because it became real at that point."
Alegan239
YOU
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"Woke up to find my little brother staring at me in the dark, asking, Are you really you?"
PrettyLola2004
Siblings can really be a bunch of creepers.
No one should talk to others in the dark though.
Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
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What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
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Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
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Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
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Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...