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Why even bother being in a relationship? Seriously, if you're cheating something is wrong. So why not confront it and fix it or move on? Why do people choose to be cruel? And if cheating just "happens," then why not own up to it? If you run astray of your relationship, you're obviously not happy. Why be a sociopath by continuing to harm the people you profess to love? This isn't bitterness asking just curiosity.

Redditor u/santino_musi1 wanted to hear some confessions about straying by asking... People who cheated on their bf/gf/partner, what was going through your mind while doing it?


I've seen so many relationships go up in flames because of philandering. And the saddest part is, it all could've been avoided. Everyone else can see when it's not working, why are we so blind when we're the willing participants? I will admit, I have cheated more than once and I finally had to realize that I was never being fulfilled personally. And that was on me to fix. Some of the people on this chain feel that pain.

Bad Moment

immediate regret. Issues with commitment, self esteem issues, etc. (They're probably cheating too, what if we break up and never find anyone, what if this persons actually "the one")

Obviously, load of horsecrap looking back at it, and I hurt a few people. Terrible terrible decision.

oxfon

 I get so Emotional... 

I'd say I emotionally cheated on my ex. Mostly what was going through my mind was "Crap, I think I'm falling in love with someone else. Crap. What do I do? Crap."

VonAshley

I'd say that's really only a problem if you don't break it off.

You're not required to stay in love, just to treat your partner with respect while you're in a relationship (and, ideally, after as well).

The problem is when you're in love with one person, and infatuated with another. That is rough, because obviously you still love the first person... But infatuation is the new-car-smell part of a relationship, and even when you know it's short-lived, it's still very seductive.

notagoodboye

The Home Wrecker

I was in one of the best relationships with a childhood friend, if you know, those are the best ones. We were both in our mid twenties and my brother was murdered, in front of me. It was insanely traumatic and it messed me up.

I fell into a deep pit where I would do anything to feel.. anything. My ex reached out to me and wanted to have sex, she is a straight up home wrecker and gets off on it.

I fell for it and didn't even question the decision. It didn't even feel like a decision, I was so messed up I was like a jellyfish in the waves just getting taken anywhere. But now I know it was a decision, and the worst one I've ever made.

ENIGMAMOBA

WTF?!!?!!

Despicable Me Reaction GIF Giphy

I didn't cheat but my ex gf did. She preferred my brother rather than me because he was good-looking. They're married now. I know it cuz my brother invited me to his wedding to be his best man. Forget that!!

Professional-Tower76

"This person desires me."

I thought "This person desires me."

I think it's honestly that simple for most people who cheat. Sure many people cheat just because they want to have sex, but I think the core reason for most people cheating is they simply don't feel desired by their significant other.

Like the start of any relationship people become interested in each other and the key feeling people experience is that wonderful feeling of being desired by another person. It makes you feel good looking, smart, strong. Knowing that this person wants to be with me is one of the best feelings in the world.

After a while that wears off in many cases. Eventually you take the other person for granted and they take you for granted. When that happens and your SO stops making you feel desired, you might start looking for that elsewhere. So even though you are in love with your SO and have a great relationship, they probably don't act like they want to be with you like they did in the beginning. Life becomes the same old same old.

Then someone else notices you and starts paying attention to you, giving you that sense of being desired again. You start seeing what you have been missing in the eyes of someone else.

I know that's what it was like for me many many years ago. I stopped feeling desired and when someone else showed that desire towards me, I foolishly followed it.

I have been happily married and 100% faithful for a long time to an amazing woman. I never fail to make sure she knows how much I desire her. Not because I don't want her to cheat, I trust her. I do it because I don't want her to ever feel like she isn't desired, that I take her for granted. And she makes me feel the same, every day.

sebrebc

Oof, that is a whole bunch of mess to process and fix. First... clearly some humans are just trash and beyond repair. I pray that a lot of you realize that in the end, they did you a favor and you dodged a bullet. Heck, a hailstorm of bullets. Next time, just go in with your eyes wide open. Maybe some other people fared better...

Insecure

I cheated because I was insecure and liked the validation that I got. It was a terrible ego-based decision that ended up hurting my partner terribly and making me feel even worse about myself. I have since quit drinking and worked on building self-esteem that is not dependent on my sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex.

thenletskeepdancing

When in HS

I was just out of high school and learning about relationships and sex. I went on a vacation and had an opportunity to have sex for the third time in my life with no way of my gf finding out, so I did it. I felt bad the whole time. When I came back, I broke up with her the next time I saw her. Cheating is certainly something I'll only do once. Still wish I'd never done it.

LATER4LUS

Hindsight

Oh I Get It Britney Spears GIF Giphy

Guilt, disgust and self loathing. Looking back I know I was in a toxic relationship and should have left him but cheating on him felt like a chunk of my soul was ripped out. Not worth it and will never do again.

izzyaussie

Leave the Poison...

A friend of mine cheated because he was being physically and mentally abused by his girlfriend. He found someone who was patient, kind, and gentle with him that he just fell deep and cheated. Said he never knew someone could be this way with him. He did his ex a service and admitted everything and broke up with her, even though she already knew some way or another. Lots of fights, but he never touched her. He came out with a bloody lip and a black eye. He is now with the new girl and they've been together for 5 years, happy and planning on marrying.

100percentapplejuice

She is Trash...

girl bye no GIF Giphy

A friend of mine cheated on her long distance boyfriend for months, with a super attractive guy at our university. When the bf finally came to visit, everyone had to pretend they didn't know about the cheating, but we ALL did.

The bf found out eventually, of course. He texted me "is she cheating on me with this dude?" And I said "no comment" which was enough.

The crazy thing is that she TRULY believed she did nothing wrong. She told everyone that it didn't count because her boyfriend was her first love and that would never change, blah blah. Horrible to not have a shred of remorse.

untroubledcoconut

Combinations...

Combine low self esteem with an alcohol problem, and an honest belief that everyone would cheat given opportunity. I thought cheating was just a way to prove "you can't hurt me." I'm ashamed of the people I've hurt in my life. I still haven't figured it all out yet, but I'm working with my therapist to become a better person.

At 18 (f) I started working in an industry dominated by men and the number of guys that tried to pick me up was astronomical.

Didn't seem to matter if they were married or not, or old enough to be my father. It really screwed with my trust in people, especially men. I honestly believed that everyone would cheat and some people were just sneakier. So if my partner was going to cheat I might as well too. I realized way too late that if everyone I hung around with was willing to cheat it meant I was hanging around the wrong people.

k-rae13

Stay Calm

Pray Good Vibes GIF by Ryn Dean Giphy

My ex and i had troubles regarding my usage of a certain substance to calm your mind. at one point i was in a club with my then best friend (who also had a gf) and we both started dancing with these chicks.

the one i was dancing with took my hand and took me to the toilet to do whatever. i refused to even kiss her in that stall and left. i didn't tell her but it was on my mind all the time. i cheated on my ex 1 week later with 3 different girls when i was drunk and thought it'd be over anyways. when i woke up the next morning i remembered and it felt like a movie to me. had to break the news to her. never again.

TripToDrip

Enjoy!

Nothing. Maybe a sociopath answer but legitimately nothing. It wasn't this over arching fear like oooh I better stop or else, it was legitimately not thinking of anyone or anything else just, "I want to enjoy the moment" I mean as far as sex. Emotionally becoming invested in someone is a slow burn with a quick pop.

You don't realize how far you've strayed until it's too late. You're having fun, you're just enjoying conversations and talking and then the next thing you know you realize it's not with your significant other but with this other person.

The self realization is the killer.

wildwildwinters

Tit for Tat

I cheated on him because he cheated on me first. We had not broken up yet, but as far as i was concerned it was over. I wanted to cheat just to show him that he was vulnerable to being cheated on, regardless of how big his ego was. He thought he could do what he want while no one would ever dare do the same to him.

JiraskovaNikola

She Trash

My soon to be ex cheated on me with the next door neighbor and subsequently ran off with him. She threw me away like a piece of trash (16 yrs together and 2 kids). I'm not angry (sarcasm). Anyway, I asked her "I understand the emotional feelings snuck up on you, but the first time you had physical contact, why didn't you stop and say, hey, this is not right?"

Her answer: "because it was fun."

And that, boys and girls, is why she's my soon-to-be-ex.

On a side note, I was thinking today that I feel sorry for her. Once a cheater always a cheater. They can never have a 100% trusting relationship because they both know that if things get tough the other person is perfectly capable of cheating on them. There will always be that tiny doubt in the back of their minds. Not a good foundation to build a relationship.

Sterling_Johnson

Excuses

no excuses GIF by Meghan Trainor Giphy

Alcohol and horniness also i was and probably still am a bad person

Oh and opportunity.

JustChillin321

Years Later

My best friend cheated on his fiancee and when I asked him this same question, he told me that he was unhappy. He still didn't leave her and I know there's a lot of guilt there but, 2 years later, they are still together, not married, and have a kid.

BeanieBlitz

Stay Quiet

I thought we had a "don't ask, don't tell" policy because we hadn't had sex with each other in years.

Turns out I was the only one who thought that.

The words seem absurd as I type them now. Who would have that deal without discussing it?

(Now I am in an open relationship, which is much more my style).

Pleather_Boots

Physical

It was the least bad thing I could do.

My wife was completely dependent on me, but she was also a completely neglectful spouse. I tried all of the right ways to address the situation: books, therapist, good communication. I tried for years and years. She just had zero interest in my sexual needs but was utterly incapable of sustaining herself in any way if I left her and had no interest in changing that.

So I reached out for some physical comfort, knowing full well how wrong and bad it was. I never tried to justify it and say it was a good thing. I know I'm a crap human being and I don't know if I can live with myself if she found out because of the pain it would cause.

Far_Percentage_3827

Cycle Back

i know this isn't even the question but my ex literally cheated on me with my best friend and ironically he got cheated on with his best friend before so that was something.

itsarihere

Love can be a poison. So we need to be drinking more water. Moral of the story: If you're going to cheat... be decent and tell your partner it's not working. And that it's YOU, not them.

REDDIT

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In the words of every millennial who was once on Tumblr, adulting is hard. I’ve been a legal adult for nine years now, and I still don’t fully understand taxes. I just let TurboTax do its thing and hope for the best. They REALLY need to teach that sh*t in schools.

But I’m not the only adult who still feels like a child! I think a lot of us can relate to that. And to be honest, we can be very unprepared for what life throws at us.

U/cracksandcrevices asked: What is an adult problem that nobody prepared you for?

The worst part is the cruel awakening that we actually have to, you know, do stuff on our own.​

Choosing things is hard.

Having to not only make important decisions by myself (I expected that much) but also having to do so in a timely fashion uninhibited by indecision.

Kurenai_zera

Having to make decisions is such a big thing for me. Intellectually, of course I knew I'd have to make decisions. I just want ready too make them without knowing the consequences and at the speed of life.

Billionai1

Errands eat up sooo much time.

season 2 your shoe's untied GIF by SpongeBob SquarePants Giphy

How much time you spend just doing stuff.

"Oh need to replace my tire and that's over by the store, so while I replace the tire I can do some errands and I'll save time and be home in no time" three hours later "Okay just one more errand before I head home"

Also how putting off a small task just a couple days in a row can quickly amount to a longer chore/responsibility later. "Eh I can just leave this in the sink, get to it later before bed" x 2 days "Why is this grime caked onto this plate still I've been scrubbing for 10 minutes straight!"

WhyImcalledqueen

That’s what delivery is for.

Being sick and having to care for yourself. Like when you were younger your parents would get the medicine, or the medicine cabinet would just be stocked all the time, etc. But here I am with a cold having to build up the energy to go to the supermarket to buy some asprin and throat lozenges all by myself.

Niwawhahatuira

Underwear gnomes are the true pests.

The endless cleaning. I had chores when I was a kid, but I had zero clue how much actual work went into keeping house. I cleaned my house this morning and by midweek it'll be a war zone of pet hair, crumbs, and dust. I don't even have kids wtf it's like the underpants gnomes show up when I'm asleep and mess my house up.

Sn00dlerr

Another sh*tty thing is the crushing loneliness that comes with adulthood. Why didn’t they tell us that we would have no friends after the age of 25?

The only thing I miss about school.

motivating bart simpson GIF Giphy

A lack of community. Growing up you have your elementary school. Each day you see your friends and participate in activities together. Sometimes they move away and sometimes you do, but it largely stays the same through high school and middle school. Flash forward to adulthood and you're just alone. You want to make friends IRL, but have no idea how to go about doing it without seeming creepy, desperate, or god knows what.

This is really hard when you are not overtly religious so you cannot join a religious community. My friend and I talk about this from time to time, it's arguably the hardest thing to deal with in life. It gets worse the longer you live, as you know you are outliving your generation.

Nevek_Green

The reason why I have cats.

You can go days on end without having to speak to a single person, at first it's a dream come true, after about 2 months you start talking to your toaster to pad the silence while waiting for your toast.

Austinape9

I literally haven't spoken to someone beyond saying thank you/no when buying groceries in months. At first it felt kind of freeing and now it's just kinda sad.

Peachesnplumsmf

Ditto on this advice.

The inevitably of your parents dying. My dad just passed away and I'm 25...no one could have prepared me I guess.

Mkg1995

I feel you. Mine passed away back in August when I was 28. There's nothing you can do to prepare for it, and I'm afraid I have no magic words to make it better. Just know you're not alone. I'll never say it gets "better," but it eventually starts to suck less and your hard days get a little less frequent. I'm so, so sorry.

Ginger_pale_1805

​The sad fact is, you have to start fending for yourself with no one to help you. And that’s terrifying.

Saving money is hard for this reason alone.

Basic home maintenance: when to change air filters, smoke alarm batteries, timing of lawn care, how often do you clean the gutters, are you supposed to clean under the stove, what is edging, how do you recycle, how to change locks, etc.

Ctsom

Not to mention the random costs that spring up. Trying to save up money? Good for you. Except your sink just sprung a leak so you need to pay a plumber to fix that. Now you can save money agai... Nope, car needs servicing. Okay, your can definitely save money now.... Wait, that leaky sink sprouted mold so now your bathroom needs to be gutted and redone.

TechyDad

We are all Squidward.

Being absolutely exhausted most of the time. I never thought I'd be the 'I hate everyone' guy. But I am and everyone can f*ck off.

Tuvasbien

We all become Squidward after hitting a certain age.

KvltDrummer

You either die a SpongeBob or live long enough to become a Squidward.

Me? I'm Patrick. F*ck your rat race.

Poopsicle_88

As someone who has lost a parent, I can tell you that sometimes you will never be prepared for certain events in your adult life. Everyone’s experience is different, and sometimes adulthood just means figuring it out for yourself.

You got this, grown-ups of the internet. I believe in you