Self reflection is hard - it's the sort of thing that's so difficult that quite a few people never get around to it. There's always the risk of realizing that the bad guy in the story was, in fact, you.
It's said that no matter how good of a person you try to be, you're going to be the villain in someone's story.
Reddit user BlackSand_GreenWalls asked:
Realizing it can be heartbreaking, terrifying, disappointing and hurtful. But it can also be the catalyst to some of the biggest and most important changes we can ever make as people. Read through some of these stories from people who realized they weren't exactly the great partner they thought they were.
"I Was A Gift"
I realized a year after breaking up with my high school sweetheart (I broke up with him) that I was the main reason that relationship wasn't going anywhere.
He always acted like he couldn't get anywhere without me and that gave me a fat head, making me feel like I was a gift over him and he would do things and change for me because I was already so good to him. Looking back I realized I never made him feel special or do anything to help build him up or motivate him to get his sh!t together. We were young and he should, of course, be responsible for himself but my attitude was never going to help things.
I reached out to him a while ago and apologized for it. He seemed grateful and had his own regrets about our relationship. He seems to be in a much better place in his new one!! I'll always be glad because he was always a friend till we broke up and I wish him all the best.
I make a point now with my fiance to show my support to him, and make him feel special and tell him how attractive he is to me and make my feelings known. Instead of just complaining at him when I want change and not making the effort myself and expecting results.
- Mistril
Big Tipper
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I make up for it in my own way now by tipping 30%.
I used to criticize her for "only" being a waitress instead of using her intellect for good.
Sorry, Daniel
11 years on and I still get so much anxiety over it. He was the nicest guy you could ever meet and I was a headcase who broke his heart and said some horrible things. Years and therapy later, understanding my own demons has made things make sense. It's not excuse, but I know more of why I acted that way.
I keep wanting to contact him and apologize profusely, but I think it would be a bit too crazy. I'm sorry, Daniel. If you knew how many nights I literally lay awake hating myself, you'd know how truly sorry I am.
Friendships Are Relationships, Too
Not a 'romantic relationship', but my only friend in elementary school was quite literally the only kid lower on the "bullying" totem pole than I was. He was the target of everybody in the school, I was the target of everybody in the school except him; my response, being a f*cking 8 year old, was to partake in bullying him from time to time to try and "fit in" with the other kids.
I moved away a few years later but, honestly, knowing you were that much of a piece of sh*t never really leaves you. You can try to cope, try to alleviate their pain as much as possible, but when they respond to you with "It's fine, I forgive you, have a good life." and sh*t like that it's just a sting that never leaves.
At the very least, I've learned from it but that's all I can really do.
Two Villains
I was awful to my ex. I didn't know how to deal with the situation I'd been forced to deal with. I was supporting her entirely through her heroin addiction. I didn't have any room in the relationship to discuss my own problems, because hers took up all the space in the relationship. I would lash out at her, and it was incredibly tumultuous. We would get into fights all the time about stupid shit, and it wasn't healthy from either side. I was self medicating with alcohol, and wasn't dealing with my depression, anxiety, or ptsd at all, until it was too late and I did things that I couldn't take back. I got violent with her one night.
I've stopped drinking since then, and I have a therapist I go to. As time goes on, I'm starting to realize that I was the villain just as much as she was. I've asked for forgiveness, but that's not really good enough. I had to change my behavior, otherwise it would've been hollow.
I'm not speaking to her, and haven't talked to her in roughly 6 months. I need space and time, and spacetime to work on myself. She's presumably doing well though. She's halfway through a nursing program, and working a full time job. These are things she was completely incapable of while we were in a relationship, so I'm incredibly proud of her.
High School
Yes, but my sh*tty behavior was in high school, so I shouldn't be surprised. By the time I realized what I did was sh*tty, I had already grown as a person and matured.
I was controlling and emotionally manipulative, but I did not even realize it at the time. I wasn't the worst possible person, but I felt like we had to be in constant contact. I would sulk and guilt her if I didn't get my way on things. During the break-up itself I vague-posted (not that vague) about her on social media and accused her of betrayal and being heartless.
I was just scared and insecure in my first real relationship. She was right to break it off, and looking back she did everything she could to make it as painless as possible. I did not take it well though, and probably made her life a bit miserable for a few months. At the time I just could not understand how the couldn't love me. In hind sight, that might be the stupidest f*cking thing I have ever thought.
As for coping? I feel like being able to see how I was sh*tty and knowing that I would not do such things again means I have grown as a person. I am not that person anymore. I also realize I was a kid and I was still learning how to be a functional balanced person. I also realize that it seemed like a much bigger deal to me then, than any relationship might today. Not an excuse, but I can understand how that might contribute to my skewed view at the time.
The Fresh Prince Rap
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When I was like 16 I was dating a really great guy, but I wasn't ready for the level of serious relationship he was trying to give me. So I did the only natural thing and broke up with him in a rap.
It was to the tune of the fresh Prince of Bel Air and it seemed like a great idea at the time. The breakup had to happen, I wasn't ready for what he was offering. He really was an amazing guy and a great boyfriend, I just wish I would have handled it differently.
Zach. I'm so sorry. I honestly think this is the worst thing I've ever done.
Gaslighting
Realizing now that I sort of gaslighted her a bit when I always felt like I did a decent job of being a boyfriend. Learning from work and friends to shut up, take criticism, and hold actual conversations with them on how I can improve or learn from my mistakes. Not every critique is an attack.
Dumb 15 Year Old
I had an ex I hurt a lot when I was 15. Just didn't appreciate her enough. Wasn't attentive, openly talked about other girls while I was with her, just being a real immature dick. I was 15 and somehow landed a girl a year older and much more beautiful than I deserved. I let it go to my head, go figure.
We talked years later. I really wanted her back, but she couldn't see past what I did as a dumb 15 year old.
I guess when it happens that young, you just can't erase it. Obviously we all grow, and now about 15 years after I'm of course nothing like the boy I was back then, but some things are just the way they are, and some memories will just cloud everything.
I saw her last Christmas with a boyfriend. She looked happy and I really hope she is. She definitely deserves the world.
Hindsight Is Strong
The relationship has been over for years but I still haven't been able to even consider getting into another one. I'm too scared of being that person again. The idea is crippling.
I am sick of being the narcissistic ogre who discounted all of her problems and only wanted to think about me and mine. I am also massively afraid of being like that again because hindsight is strong but present sight is weak.
No Obligation To Accept
Yes. I tried to apologize (months later, not years) and he basically said that he hoped saying that made me feel better but he didn't want to ever hear from me again. I learned a really important lesson about the way I treat people and the fact that some things can't be fixed.
He may not have been ready or willing to accept it or forgive you, but if your apology was sincere and meaningful, it was still good of you to do it. Even if it doesn't matter to him now, one day he may look back on it and appreciate that you apologized. I hope it's able to give you some closure and peace. You did the only thing that can be done after the fact, and it sounds like you have learned and grown. That's all anyone can do.
Yes but he seems to be doing much better now with his new girlfriend and every time I've tried to initiate a conversation he shuts it down. So I let him live his life.
I've come to understand exactly what I did in that relationship and I try not to repeat it in future ones.
I've been on the receiving end of this multiple times. They break up and say horrible sh!t to destroy me. Then a few months later I'll get calls and texts asking for me not to hate them or think they are a bad person and how I "taught them how to be treated" and whatnot....
What it comes down to is that people that treat their partners shitty are sh!tty selfish people and when they try to ask for forgiveness, it's not for you, it's for their own selfish needs.
My current ex just sent me a big text apologizing for how she treated me a couple days ago. I've been on the fence about responding or not because I feel like she's at another low point and is looking for validation. I appreciate her apology but I don't feel the need to answer.
Loved The Distraction
My ex doesn't want to talk to me at all. I think it was entirely my fault. I try to be a good guy and respect women and people in general.
Thing is that I didn't know how to handle my insecurities, I didn't communicate and I didn't strive to improve the relationship. Also, I think I used her to forget about my problems and as a distraction. That's a big no no...
I thought I loved that girl - but as time goes by I'm starting to think that maybe I loved what she was (distraction, fun) and not her.
The breakup was about 7 months ago and I don't have the drive or will to maintain a relationship with a few girls I really liked... sh*ts a bummer. Worst thing is that I didn't know at the time that I was being shit, that's the worst part.
Toxic Girlfriend Stereotype
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It took me years to get over how much emotional guilt I gave him. He was my high school sweetheart, and I knew he loved and cherished me. I got jealous easily during the relationship and told him to stop talking to any female friends he had. I just literally gave him hell.
That's not even the worst part; I threatened to kill myself over such small matters. I'd say I realized that I was a toxic girlfriend a year and a half after the breakup.
My ex, surprisingly, forgave me about 2 years after the breakup. We can be cordial. I'm still coping with how shit I was as a person back then but I constantly remind myself to leave that in the past and focus on the present.
- Shallama
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.