People Share Signs To Tell Whether A Friend Has A Good Marriage
Reddit user AnitaDickenme123 asked: 'What are some signs that your married friend doesn’t have a good marriage?'
No matter how good it might be, no relationship is 100% perfect 100% of the time.
On the contrary, there are some relationships that seem pretty doomed to fail, and it's disheartening how many signs we can spot of the relationship coming apart, perhaps even before the couple themselves is aware of it.
But as clear as a sign of trouble might be, it can feel impossible to talk to a loved one about it when it's about their relationship.
Redditor AnitaDeckenme123 asked:
"What are some signs that your married friend doesn't have a good marriage?"
All Joking Aside
"Talking s**t about their spouse, even if it’s in a joking way, is a clear sign to me. I went to a bachelor party with a bunch of guys I didn’t know and they spent the entire time b***hing about their wives, and they all sounded miserable."
- FunctionBuilt
Desperate to Hide the Truth
"They are withdrawn or secretive. If your friend is suddenly withdrawn or secretive, it may be a sign that they are having problems in their marriage."
- LiaRipsx
Weird Gestures to "Mark Their Territory"
"His hang glider now has a full-sized graphic of his spouse holding the cat on it. And he wasn't asked beforehand."
- BarcodeNinja
Hypothetical Divorces
"They talk about divorce hypothetically."
- LaximumEffort
"Okay, but what if, say, I am watching a lot of true crime murder shows, and he tells me we can just get a divorce instead of me killing him? Does that count? Lol (laughing out loud)."
- HopefulKitty
Detached Relationship
"When they don’t care what the other person is doing or where they are. Basically, two people who live separate lives and live like roommates."
- Lucyinthesky
"My friend never says anything bad about her husband, but she also doesn't speak about him much at all. They’ve been married less than a year, but she's said things like not caring what he's up to a couple of times, and it made me wonder if that was normal in marriage. It feels wrong."
- happinessinasong88
Fighting in Public
"I’ve known two different couples that off and on fought a lot around me at certain points, which isn’t obviously a great sign."
"The fighting stopped, but what I realized after a while that may be worse is that they didn’t interact at all unless absolutely necessary."
"I’m mostly oblivious, so it took my wife pointing it out to notice that both of these couples never really talk to each other besides mandatory stuff like plans or the kids."
"No casual conversations, no eye contact, no touching each other; literally no interaction that’s not necessary for the family to function."
"I suppose it’s better than fighting in public, but it’s kind of weird once you notice it."
- non_clever_username
Social Media Cover Stories
"If they're plastering social media with how HAPPY they are, and they're SO IN LOVE, and THEY'RE GOING TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER, that's a sure sign that things are in the process of going sideways."
- wilderlowerwolves
"This confuses me SO much. I have two close friends (women) who have been texting me nonstop about how s**tty their significant others are, like going OFF about them, long voice messages, etc."
"Then between messages, I will open Facebook and see they just made a post about how much they love their partner with a cute picture and tons of hearts and s**t."
"Like... WHAT. I have never called them out, but what the h**l?"
- perfectdrug659
"Gah, my BIL (Brother-in-Law) divorced after a short two-year marriage, and this was the prime indicator of knowing that they were doomed."
"They did this kissy cutesy schmoopy lovey-dovey thing in public, and the worse their relationship got, the more publicly showy they were about showing how in love they were. It was horrific to watch unfold."
- abqkat
Controlling and Jealous Behavior
"In my experience, going out with my old homie that was married, I couldn't ever post us out at the bar or anything. If his wife saw it, she’d blow her top apparently."
"We went out for my 23rd birthday a couple of years ago and merely his elbow was in the video of me sipping on whatever drink I had. In a panic, he urged that I delete it before his wife saw it for whatever reason."
"They’re divorced now."
- jailbreakthetesla_
Mean to Their Partner
"When their identity is the 'person who is mean to their spouse.'"
"I was at a party this weekend and there was a woman who just bad-mouthed her husband and talked about how nice it was to be away from him and the kids for the night. That’s like her shtick… she talks about how her kids and husband are s**tty. It’s such a gross personality, and it’s relatively common. It shouldn’t be common at all."
- SpacemanPete
Flirting Elsewhere
"They flirt a lot. A lot of unhappily married people I know are quick to flirt with anyone who seems interested because they want to feel that spark again."
- FlatulentDwarf
Constant Check-Ins
"When one of them is out and their spouse does not stop calling them."
- BansheeShriek
"I can't imagine living like that. I took a 10-day road trip to the beach alone, and all my husband asked of me was to keep my location turned on in case of an accident, and text a few times a day so he knew I was alive. That's trust."
- HopefulKitty
The Depression or Glow Up Era
"If they suddenly seem really down on themselves or stop taking care of themselves for seemingly no reason, If their outlook on relationships and/or marriage had changed since getting married, If they have nothing good to say about their partner or just don't talk about them..."
"The list goes on."
- Misspent_interlude
"Or reverse, they start glowing up. They lose weight, focus on appearance more, it means they're getting ready to split."
- Alternative-Post-937
Wishful Widows
"When my husband died, some friends admitted that they were a little jealous."
- emmymcd
"My ex-husband responded, 'One can only hope,' and looked at me when he heard someone’s wife died."
- foldinthecheese89
"I would never say this to someone, but I understand the sentiment. I absolutely wished my ex-husband dead a handful of times. It's one of those things where you can't leave because I had very little money of my own and staying meant living with abuse."
- IsThatBlueSoup
Jealous of Working Relationships
"It's bad when you avoid or feel guilty talking about how happy you are or about the nice and thoughtful things that your partner does because you know your friend can't relate."
- anemic_girlfriend
"Yikes. This is how I am with a friend group of mine. They’re always complaining about their husbands, and I stay silent. I don’t want to rub it in that I love my husband and he’s mostly awesome. In the past two years, one has gotten divorced and another is on her way there."
- Nonny70
"It gets weird for me when people are like, 'Must be nice to get away from the wife' if I'm on a work trip or something."
"I don't understand. I sleep better when my wife's next to me, I feel better about the day when I get to see her and talk to her, she makes me smile all the damn time."
"Everybody on the planet is a very distant second on my list of people I want to be around, and even though we do plenty of things separately I don't see time apart as some sort of reprieve from her presence."
- HereToTheSquatch
Wishing They Were Out
"I got married young and a lot of older guys gave me s**t for it, like they resented their wives for settling down too soon. It upsets me when men talk s**t about their wives. If you hate your wife, then leave, she’s probably better off without you."
"My wife is my best friend. Seven years later, our relationship only grows stronger over time. If you love someone and they love you back, be grateful for that and show it!"
- Apprehensive-Hall254
There are many ways to tell that a relationship is in a downward spiral, especially when the relationship is not our own.
But these accounts were intense and ones that we can only hope are less common.
The Absolute Worst Ways To Break Up With Someone
Reddit user StarGazingMouse asked: 'What is the Worst way to break up with someone?'
Ending a relationship is never easy.
True, some people who have an unfortunate amount of experience doing so have developed tactics and methods to ensure a lack of anger and/or tears.
This might include breaking up in a specific restaurant, having certain music playing while doing so, or timing things out just perfectly.
Of course, those with experience might also tell you certain breakup methods that are guaranteed to end in acrimony and vitriol.
"What is the Worst way to break up with someone?"
Seeing Other People...
"He started making out with another girl while we were at a party, all sitting on the same couch."
"That deflates the romance pretty quickly."- Extension-Gap69
"Start an open relationship without telling the other party."- Kenton2k·
Running To Mom
"I once had a guy's mom break up with me for him."
"We were both in our mid 20s."
"For the smart alecks, myself and ex-bf were both in our twenties and dating."
"His mom was the one who told me he was breaking up with me."
"I wasn't dating the mom."- AutumnFalls89
Mothers Day Mom GIF by 505 GamesGiphyAlways In Person...
"Text them and ask, 'can we talk?'"
"Type for twenty minutes."
"Finally send the message, 'I’m breaking up with you'."
''Sorry'.”
"True story, found out later he probably cheated on me."- lamemayhem
"She texted me breaking up with me after going on a family trip."- Kangaroo_Exact
"Calling the day after my birthday (long distance)."
"Said she didn't love me anymore, she was sleeping with someone else, and I should get tested (last visit to her was months before)."
"I tested positive for Chlamydia."
"She said she waited to tell me because she didn't want to ruin my birthday"
". How generous of her."
'Also I didn't have any noticeable symptoms from the Chlamydia - I went about 4-ish months before I found out."- renegadepony·
Donald Trump Vote GIF by Creative CourageGiphyDon't Bury The Lead
"Make them think the relationship is strong and then say some of their bad qualities and leave them."
"Then what you do is get with their ex or parent."- PhantomNuke12
If You're Going To Do It, DO IT!
"Ghost them."- Psychic_Wars_Warrior"My ex-fiance was supposed to escort me to my friend's wedding for which I was the MOH."
"We had a wedding date set, I had a 1/2 ct round diamond and a dress chosen."
"We rented a house off-campus at college and were seniors."
"That Friday before the wedding, he suddenly came down with the flu."
"He couldn't travel."
"I believed him and he acted loving and apologetic, etc."
"I went ahead and took the 3 hour trip."
'When I got back Sunday and walked in the house, everything, including furniture, was gone."
"My clothes and books were still there but everything else was GONE."
'I guess that meant he broke the engagement!"- WeatherKat3262I
The Goose Bird GIF by Bare Tree MediaGiphyDon't Try To Be Cute...
"'We're donion rings'."- Reddit
Now That's Cold...
"Show up to their family dinner as their relative's date."- PyukumukuGuts
Who Will You Be Trying To Impress
"I had a dream my partner broke up with me by making a PowerPoint presentation."- mcashleigh
Talking Season 3 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphyDon't Make Public What Isn't Common Knowledge
'A woman broke up with me by changing her Facebook status to single.'
"In her defense, we had a fight over the phone that morning, but I didn’t think it was quite such a big deal."
'The nice thing about finding out that way was at least I didn’t have to deal with the sort of person who breaks up with by changing their Facebook status anymore."- Funky-Spunkmeyer
While plenty of people are able to break up amicably, all breakups come with enough hurt, pain, and sadness as it is.
So there's no need to try and make it worse.
...A little surprising no one mentioned a Post-It.
Do you have any bad break up methods? Let us know in the comments below.
Ending a relationship is never easy.
In several cases, the reasons for doing so might also be unexpected.
More often than not, it simply becomes apparent to both members of the couple that the relationship has simply run its course, and there is no future.
Other times, however, there might be an inciting incident that made staying in the relationship no longer tenable.
Possibly a surprising act by one member of the couple, or a longstanding secret that was finally unearthed.
"What’s the reason you left your ex?"
Money Mismanagement
"Lied about business finances."
"Discovered 95k of personal credit card debt used to fake its success."-
Distinguished Spark
"Lived more like roommates than lovers."- ojyelims·
Infidelity
"She got pregnant by another man, tried to pass it off as mine, I called BS, was right, and somehow *I'm* the every other weekend parent to our 2 kids."- disturbednadir·
"Caught with her ex in my house."- Working-Field-1568
"He cheated on me and then insisted on having me back."
"Dumba** me said yes but after more months of his lies and him not taking any accountability for his actions I left."- Hekatevenstar
Unhappy Change
"Realized that I came into the relationship with everything, and after 5 years together, realized I had nothing."
"Lost all my self-confidence, sense of who I was, all my friends, all my money, and all hope for the future."- FoxsNetwork
You Could Hear It
"When you can hear the lack of emotion in your own voice, you know you’ve gone too far to come back."
"That’s when it happened for me."
"I heard me give up."- SanguineSuprises
Enough Was Enough
"I was tired of crying all the time."- Sexyseculargoddess69
One Sided Relationship
"Narcissism is not easy to live with."- CrimsonCamellia13
"I supported him through everything he couldn’t support me when I needed him."
"I realized that he’s completely useless to me because I still feel alone while in the relationship."
"My life is much nicer now."- Pleasant_Lemon6687
Ultimatum
"She said that it was her or my daughter."
"She will not be second to a child."
"I didn’t even say good by just got up and walked away."- SGT-Hooves
Ulterior Motives
"She had a sugar daddy."
"Two years later he went to prison for embezzling (Failure to pay) state taxes collected from his employees."
"Justice!"- BabyEagle9mm
It's always noble to try and make a relationship work.
Sometimes, however, a relationship can be truly broken beyond compare, and there is simply no saving it.
And should your health and safety be at risk, it's unwise to even put in the effort.
We've all said things we regret.
Most often, when we find ourselves in situations where our emotions are in a heightened state, such as a breakup.
Indeed, though some people will go to every effort to end a relationship amicably, others can't hide their hurt, frustration, and resentment in the heat of the moment.
Resulting in their saying some unpleasant if not downright nasty things which may have felt good in the moment, but which they'll likely look back on in horror and embarrassment.
"Dear Reddit, what is the worst thing YOU have said during a breakup?"
The Unoriginality Makes It Worse...
"Her: 'is it someone else?'"
"Me: 'no, it's just you'."- stingyboy
Ouch!
"Two months after our breakup, she asked me if I missed her."
"I told her I missed her parents more than I missed her."- lxkandel06·
Knowing It Is One Thing, Hearing It Is Another...
"The worst is telling someone you don't love them anymore and genuinely seeing the heartbreak on their face."
"That's a gut-wrenching thing to see when you know your words caused it."- nryporter25
break up GIFGiphyThat Door Is Closed
"The breakup wasn't my choice, but when he tried a few weeks later to reconnect, I said 'Oh, I've actually been really happy since we've been apart'."
"'I don't think I could get back together now'."
"My sister called me savage for it, but I wasn't trying to be mean."
"It was the truth, and I just hadn't realized it up until the thought of taking him back filled me with dread."- HospitalFluffy
Walked Into That One..
"She was breaking up with me, and I told her, 'You know you are right, and I agree, we aren't very compatible, and our relationship has been on the decline for sometime'."
"Those were my true thoughts and feelings."
"I felt a sense of relief when she broke up with me because I realized it was the best move for the both of us."
"So why was this the worst thing to say?"
"It ended up making her want to double down on the relationship."
"I was bombarded with non-stop texts, phone calls, unnanounced visits to my apartment."
"All of that."
"Apparently breaking up things amicably was not how she wanted to go."
"I think she was adamant she left with the upper hand."- slytherinprolly
Tell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphyIn The Heat Of The Moment
“'Please don’t leave, no one else will ever love me'.”
"Said by me sobbing in the open doorway of the new apartment of my wife of barely one year."
"My self esteem was totally shattered."
"My life was over, there just was nothing left."
"She was kind but firm."
"She knew the relationship wasn’t a good fit before I accepted that."
"We were very young, friends but not life partners."
"I didn’t fully understand until I was a few years into my second marriage."
"We both went on to have successful, happy lifelong second marriages."- DadsRGR8
Okay Then...
"Not a break up, but was seeing this girl off and on (because she wouldn't commit to actually dating)."
"Got sick of the yo-yoing, fired up Facebook Dating and met my now girlfriend for drinks two days later."
"When the non-committal girl came back and I told her I was off the market I said 'I'm just looking for someone who knows what commitment is'."
"Must have hit a nerve because about six weeks later she was pregnant."- BeefInGR
No Way Wtf GIF by HarlemGiphyName Calling Is Never The Answer
“'You’re turning into your mother and I hate that b*tch'.”
"I’m sure there was a more diplomatic way to phrase that but 19-year-old me was out of f*cks to give at that point."- shadowimage
No Thank You...
"Her, 'This isn't working out I think we should just be friends'."
"Me, "'Lets just never talk again is probably best'."- Schrodenger
Some People Just Need A Kick In The Pants...
"Not me but someone told my aunt they were breaking up with her because she was a deadbeat going nowhere in life."
"Then she became a doctor out of spite lol."- ResidentNeck4465
Greys Anatomy What GIF by ABC NetworkGiphyWhat The Actual...?
“'Sex is part of the reason I’m ending things'.”
"In my defense it was my first time breaking up with a guy."
"The man had a boner the entire time I was breaking up with him, he was crying, and he kept trying to have sex one last time during my break up speech."
"I was perplexed."- SinfullySinless
When They Go Low...
"I once ended a struggling relationship."
"A few months later I got an email from the person, and it was pages of everything I had ever done wrong in the relationship."
"I realized that this was why the relationship had been struggling."
"All these thing that had been bothering my partner, and they had bottled them all up inside instead of, say, talking to me about it."
"So, my entire response to this multiple page email with everything I had ever done wrong."
"'Thank you, that was very helpful'."- jacksparrow1
Young Love...
"'No one will ever love you like I do'."
"At the time, I was young and that's really how I felt."
"In retrospect, it was mean and manipulative."
"We're now both in happy marriages."- Formaldehyd3
Dawsons Creek Crying Dawson GIF by HULUGiphyA breakup is always bound to unleash many feelings we may not have realized we had.
Making a breakup one of those times where it is always wise, if not paramount, to think before speaking.
The people you love can hurt you the most.
When a relationship is on the rocks due to an incompatibility awareness or an unfaithful lover, it can feel like all hope is lost.
But there are worse things to come when the inevitable breakup happens.
Ending a relationship is bad enough as it is, but the words said in the heat of the moment can be like twisting the knife after being stabbed in the heart.
Strangers online revisited their dating history to share their lowest point in a relationship after Redditor thedamned234 asked:
"What is the worst thing your EX said during the breakup?"
These Redditors were kicked while they were down.
There are Options
"I can have any guy in this room, why would I want to be with you."
– wyoflyboy68
"No, you can f'k every guy in this room. It's different."
– PinceTancredi
Dispensible
"After I financially supported her for three years, I paid the travel expenses for American Idol auditions and one America's Got Talent audition. After I nursed her through her recovery after gastric bypass surgery, she said this,"
"You are worthless and I don't have time for you anymore."
– Elle12881
Actions Hurt The Most
"Abusive relationship for 3 years. Finally had enough and broke up with her after taking her to dinner. She got hostile (again) and I literally f'king ran out the restaurant. The worst was her screaming my name while driving in circles around the casino parking lot, honking the horn. She was not sad. She was angry as f'k."
– chaoticneutraldood
Trust issues were at the heart of these problematic relationships.
Hurting Before Getting Hurt
"Justifying her cheating because she thought I was cheating on her."
"I wasn't."
– TopTurtleWorld
"My girlfriend has been accusing me of cheating the last few months. I’ve been depressed and kind of distant, but I still only want her. My greatest fear in life is this. I don’t know what that says about my relationship and self-esteem but here we are."
– VANY11A
Just Someone She Lived With
"My last ex left me for the person she was cheating on me with, after 3 years together. When she came to get the last of her stuff, she would only talk about how she was worried she'd screwed up things with her new partner, cause he didn't know she was with me at the time. She'd lied to him and just said I was someone she lived with."
"She wasn't even sorry about what she'd done to me, just that it was causing problems with the person she actually cared about. Been hard to feel good about myself since then."
– Cheesus333
These words sting the most.
Oof!
"I wish we never met."
– Skyx10
"I usually get something similar from enemies and my brother"
– thedamned234
Undesireable
"My 2nd two year relationship, 'I feel disgusted when I touch you' that ate at me for a while. Much healthier and happy spot now."
– khadmon
By The Way
"Well, it is better than 'I'm breaking up with you because Im getting married tomorrow, please leave or I'll file a restraining order.' After 5 years in a relationship."
– sam-sung
Father Figure
"You'll never be a great father (before I even had children)."
"No reason why she should have said that except I held off having children with her because she was a heavy smoker and lied about quitting. I am now a father of two in a happy marriage of 9+ years. My kids tell me they love me every night and I spend almost all my money on them making memories, not stuff."
– cubsfanrva79
Consolation Prize
"After 5 and a half years: 'I was just afraid I would end up alone, so I settled for you.' Immediately after the break up she had a new boyfriend."
– kokosnoot32
Roommates With Benefits
"6 years and she used the same line on me as she did with the guy before me."
"We were just roommates who f'ked for the last 6 months"
"I'd bought us our firat house 3 months before."
"Over a year later and I'm still broken mess."
– accused_throwaway22
There's no way to soften the blow when it's time to breakup with someone–the worst of which happens when it's a unilateral decision.
Although I give compassion points for those who are not hostile during breakups, it doesn't help when they say, "It's not you it's me."
Like, that makes things so much better.
What do you think is the gentlest and honest way to breakup with someone?