For the person deep in the throes of a toxic relationship, that familiarity of all that discomfort can be seductive. Simply put, we choose to stay in the horror we know, rather than pursue the unknown path away from the pain.
But sometimes there's a shift, a snap of sorts.
Whether it's an abusive act, an important conversation with a friend or trusted therapist, or just some epiphany that strikes like a bolt, a single moment can turn the tide and finally push us out of the loveless pairing.
Some Redditors took a moment to share the times they finally pulled themselves out of something that was hurting them.
A warning that a few of these stories contain discussions of physical and emotional abuse.
For some, the time to change struck them after a long, erosive process. As the time wore on and on, and their spirits never lifted, they finally made the move to get out.
These anecdotes illustrated that, many times, there are no tricks to this. Only the right circumstances where you feel ready to leap.
No More Wasting
"I just thought about how I didn't wanna keep wasting my time being unhappy. You love them so you want to stick by them and give em chances, but there's a point where enough is enough and you have to value your happiness and peace of mind."
"I knew leaving would be hard to do, but staying in a toxic situation is a lot harder. You have to realize your worth and sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to see it."
Straw that Broke the Camel's Back
"8 year relationship. Not abusive, but definitely toxic due to several instances of catching him lying, messaging other women, manipulating my emotions after I'd confront him, gaslighting, etc."
"Year 7 I decided to focus more on myself, increasing my self confidence, advancing my own career/education. The next time one of those situations occurred, I felt good enough about myself and my position to leave him."
A Sudden Break
"I never did find the courage, just anger."
"Over time the feelings of fear, sadness, and that desperate desire to just make everything okay and happy turned into resentment, contempt, disgust, and anger. I found him repulsive. Just the thought of him touching me made my skin crawl."
"One day he started in on his sh** and I guess the scales finally tipped. I didn't plan it, it just happened. The love was long gone, but now there wasn't even an ounce of affection or caring left. All I felt was hate and rage."
"I remember telling him we were done and to get the fu** out, I remember the look of surprise on his face, and I remember the hate that I felt, but that's about it. Mostly I remember the hate."
"Honestly I hope I never feel that way again, because I scared myself way more than he ever did. I was just barely in control and I think if there'd been any indication that he was about to get physical (and I'm surprised it didn't go that way) I would've ended up in a blind rage and either gotten myself hurt/killed or done something awful."
"Took me years of therapy to sort myself out after that one."
The Days of Disappearing
"I just sort of had an epiphany where I realized I look forward to my alone time, and dread time with her. She liked to throw around crap like 'If you really loved me you'd ____' to get me to pay for everything, or 'If you leave I'll just kill myself.' And suddenly I found myself thinking...good. Fu**ing do it. Please."
"And one day while she was out I packed up all my crap and left. I put most of my stuff in a storage unit and lived out of my car/tent for a month while I saved up for my own place. This was before everyone had cell phones and there was no social media so by just disappearing like that she couldn't do jack."
"Noticed how draining it was & how dangerous even a slight mistake would be before everything explodes again."
"Tired of walking on egg shells. Tired of having to be interested & part of every interest of hers. Tired of not having opinions lest they be the wrong ones."
"Found myself preparing for & thinking, 'what if I slipped up,' since I was physically exhausted - then realized if that would be all it would take for world war 3, it isn't really worth the time & effort."
"By then, I didn't enjoy the relationship. If it was so simple to kick off another fight, it was gonna kick off no matter what I did or didn't do anyway."
"I figured it was gonna be painful, but rather than 'live in fear,' sheer exhaustion drove me to bite the bullet & break up."
"To be fair, the explosion & fury followed, but it wasn't my 'job' to care anymore. Got more important things to do than walk on eggshells & be smothered simultaneously."
A Professional Push
"Therapy. I had to hold myself accountable to someone else, and speak of my own behaviors and dependencies in order to finally end them."
"I was very good at hiding the fact that I was seeing this toxic person from my family and friends, all the while pretending to myself that having the toxic person was worth all of the pain."
"Actually, on World Mental Health Day, I made a choice to be unavailable to the toxic person for the first time in a few years, and that one decision changed the whole course of things. I eventually sat them down and explained that our story had come to an end...walked away that day and blocked them on everything."
"Two months later, I started dating the love of my life."
"Sometimes, you have to clear the road for the good things to arrive."
An Illuminating Trip
"I didn't even realize how toxic it was until she went away for a while, and I just felt like such a weight was lifted. I started meeting people, making friends, etc ... suddenly, I was a happy person, excited to wake up in the morning."
"So, I called her and told her I packed her shit up and she should come get it."
A Non-Collaborative Partnership
"My husband kept making financial decisions without me, and I decided I was done when he bought a $51,000 truck without mentioning it to me first. It feels good."
"The divorce papers get filed next week. Therapy helped me find the courage."
For others, the decision to leave was extremely clear. After all, a history of physical abuse can make leaving extremely urgent, for the sake of safety and an obvious desire to avoid trauma.
Putting Their Foot Down
"She hit me pretty regularly, so I talked with my therapist about it to plan a way out. We came to the conclusion that saying 'you need to stop that or I'm leaving' would be the best thing. So, I did."
"She said 'I could ease up' and I said 'no, it needs to stop entirely. It's not playful. You punch me in the ribs forcefully and have said that you hope it bruises. That needs to stop entirely, or I will leave.' She didn't budge past her previous point, so I left."
"I regret none of it."
No More Accepting
"When I was working out how to handle the next time he hit me, I realised that I was accepting the fact that there would be a next time."
"As soon as I could walk I packed up my kids and left."
Calling in Backup
"After he threatened my life, I had my dad kick him out. I made sure not to talk to him at ALL afterwards. Blocked him on everything. I also got an Apple Watch for emergency reasons bc even though it's been like 6 years since we broke up he still mails letters to my parents house saying he's going to find me."
"Anyway, I was actually scared into leaving him, didn't necessarily take time to muster up courage or anything. It all happened very fast and was quite impulsive."
"The hardest part that took the most bravery was not actually talking to him or letting him call me to 'apologize.' Also it helps to have a good friend you can stay with or talk to for extra comfort and protection."
Can't Risk That
"He shoved me and I fell to the ground. That was after he dropped me onto a couch 'playfully.' "
"I knew it would be a matter of time before he hit me. And I was significantly smaller (5'1" 90lbs)."
"Happy to say I'm now happily married to someone wonderful."
A Tea Too Many
"I was in my early 20s, she hit me one day with a mug full of tea on my back reasonably hard and I twigged I was being abused/in a toxic relationship then."
"I went home, came back the next day and told her that was it. The courage was a simple light switch in my head, I just didn't realise everything was going dark."
"Good luck to everyone out there x"
For some, they never actually did make the bold decision to go through with the breakup. Instead, their partner actually did it on their own.
But the freedom felt after the end was sudden and palpable.
A Rush of Relief
"I didn't. Eventually she broke up with me. It was the most painful relief I've ever felt. I learned a lot, and now I know the signs."
"Would that I could've learned them another way."
It Only Takes a Couple Week to See
"He broke up with me and I cut him off completely. Gave him a month alone thinking that I would annoy him and he wouldn't want me back (dumb) then after about 2 weeks realized how much happier I actually was."
"Never went out of my way to contact him again. He, if course, flipped out and threw a year long hissy fit about it."
"I didn't. The toxic a**hole left me. What she did after that I appreciate to this day: she didn't cut me off but she never contacted me first."
"Eventually I got her out of my system and I rarely think about her now."
"She started seeing the guy she was cheating on me with, and I got forced out. She didn't formally break up with me, just basically let me know she had been cheating on me, again, and that she was seeing him now."
"She threatened to leave me a couple of times before then, but I begged her to stay because she had engrained in my mind that I couldn't live without her, rather than using it as an out. She left me no choice in the end"
To all those out there struggling in something that they feel might be toxic or hurting them in some way, know that it's okay to be confused, it's okay to not know if you're right about how good or bad things are.
But, if it's possible, tell someone. Get out of the echo chamber.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
When we are on the outside looking in, it can feel so obvious that a relationship is doomed.
When we offer advice to friends, family, or people oversharing at a party, the correct next move often seems wildly obvious: get out of that relationship.
But it's much different when you are the one in the relationship. Time already invested, love once shared, and logistical factors all contribute to a kind of cloud that sways our judgment of the situation.
And yet, if and when the relationship does end, we look back and feel the same clarity that all of our friends once advised from. We can see that we stayed far longer than we should have.
Ideally, witnessing the dynamics helps us practice more clarity in the future. But to be honest, we always hope no more of our relationships will wither again.
Some Redditors offered their own experiences.
mrwednesday33 asked, "People who have stayed with someone they no longer love, what's your story?"
A handful of Redditors had nothing to regret. A dangerous or concerning situation forced their hand. The safety of themselves and others was the driving force behind the decision to stay.
Although it was upsetting to stick around, it would be difficult to imagine handling the situation any other way.
Enough Was Enough
"He was mentally ill, possibly with Paranoid Personality Disorder, definitely delusional, maybe schizophrenic. I was accused of all types of things, affairs, being part of plots to 'get' him, even urinating on his toothbrush."
"I stayed for 3 years after I knew I no longer loved him because I knew he would spiral without someone to look after him. He had destroyed every relationship with his friends and family because they were all also out to 'get' him."
"I finally told him I would only stay if he got help, which he refused. So I left."
"I was right about him spiralling. He went from sharehouse to sharehouse as all the other tenants were 'out to get him'. He eventually ended up homeless for a while is now facing 18 different charges so will probably end up in jail."
An Unfortunately Common Response to Fading Love
"She threatened to kill herself and even though I wanted out of the relationship, i didnt want her to be hurt or die. I remember us arguing about something very trivial but she was getting very upset. She walked out mid conversation and came back with cuts all over her legs and thighs."
"I tried getting help from parents, school counselors, doctors. None helped. So i just tried to manage as much as I can. Eventually she joined the military & moved away and that was the moment I was finally free."
"Years wasted though."
A Bare Bones Story
"Short version: domestic violence."
"Long version: I was afraid to leave because I believed he would find me and kill me."
"Conclusion: He pushed me too far and I ran."
Tipping Over the Edge
"He was a violent drug addict and I was scared of what he may do if I left. I never truly loved him but our relationship became very codependent very quickly."
"He cheated on me, took advantage of the fact that I had a car and money, but I still stayed because he was always threatening to kill himself or to kill my cats."
"Then one night he literally backed me into a corner and tried to punch me in the head so that finally made me open my eyes and realize I had to get out."
For others, the pull to stay in the relationship felt just as intense, but not nearly as physical.
In these cases, a social dynamic or deep emotional complication was at the heart of the choice to remain in a relationship that was doomed to fail.
"She's terminally ill, and dying of Cancer, even though she is abusive now, and was before, I can't really leave, the social pressure to be a *good man* plus the cost of divorce and everything else is just too much, at this point it's just easier to wait it out."
"Plus I really like her family, and if I left her when she was sick...it would pretty much kill that relationship."
"I proposed to my ex in august 2020. A month later everything started to become pretty awful. A lot of mental abuse and fights, that would make everything chaotic, if we stayed together."
"She and her family think they're something special, while everyone knew they're nothing. She tried to convince me to stay together, but I told her, that it was either now or in 1-5-10 years, where kids etc. Are involved. Big no go."
"Here almost three months later I feel way better and don't have as many headaches as earlier."
"This isn't mine but my friends mom stayed with her husband because he has MS and no one else to care for him."
"He got diagnosed right before she was going to leave him but after finding out she stayed."
Avoiding Something Worse
"Bad situation at home. Stayed with a BF I wasn't in love with for 2.5 years just so I had a safe place to live. Stopped having sex many times, the last time it was 6 months."
"He let me stay with him because he didn't want to sent me back to my home life. I finally left him last month and just dealing with my home life anyway."
Always a Reason to Stay
"We were living together at 16, she cheated on me and I told her I wanted her to leave, she begged me not to send her back to her moms house because they have like 8 people in a 2 bedroom house and because she would've had nowhere else to go."
"I was 16 I didn't know how to handle a girl literally begging me so I let her stay against my better judgement and it created a hurtful cycle of falling in and out of love."
"Feeling like things could get better and then having my world come crashing down every time I look at her because I think of reading the message of the guy saying he loved watching her get on top of him."
"A couple of years go by and we're not in love, just tolerating each other at this point and then we got pregnant, stayed together through the pregnancy but the stress was too much for both of us and caused fighting, sleeping apart, more cheating."
"When the baby was born she had finally turned 18 and we moved away our relationship got much better with each other, we're best friends now and are just trying our best to raise our daughter to be healthy and happy and know she's loved."
"Neither of us had good childhoods."
For the In-Laws
"I lived with a man I never loved. His mum was also living with us and I loved her more than my own biological mum."
"She was the nicest, kindest and the most caring soul I have ever met in my life. I left that man when he told me that he knew I was only with him because of his mum. That was 20 years ago but I still miss her every single day."
And some people stayed because it was the simplest thing to do. They swallowed a lack of passionate love in exchange for the daily comforts of a well-kept home with a familiar person.
That is, until playing house became unsustainable.
A Sudden Shift
"I was with my wife for 14 years. For at least half of that, I wasn't happy with the relationship. But I had decided I was ok with it because everything about our life together was acceptable, for lack of a better word."
"We owned a house, made good money, got along well, shared hobbies, etc. We were basically roommates/best friends who just didn't love each other the way you would normally expect from a married couple."
"When the pandemic hit, and we were forced to stay home more and spend time with each other EVERY DAY, we started to get a better sense of how well we actually tolerated each other. It didn't go well."
"She ended up getting really into online gaming and met some other guys and basically cheated on me. In retrospect, it was obvious it would reach that point."
"But I was content to stay there as long as I could because it was a comfortable life with very little stress and obligation."
"I was no longer as 'in love' with her. But I still loved her. After years together it could become tricky to figure out exactly what It's just a lull and what is it really going away."
"I was still living with my best friend. But ended it because once we really realized that I wasn't feeling the same way anymore. I was just hurting her for me to stay since she was still in love."
"Dated an ex for ~3.5 years, the last couple of months I stayed with her because I was comfortable and the sex was great. I think a big reason why people stay with ex's is because of comfort as starting new relationships isn't exactly easy. I found her to be very dishonest, unreliable, and extremely selfish."
"I caught her texting another guy and I caught her lying to me while hanging out with another guy. I would have left her right then and there but we had a non refundable cruise booked so I stuck around."
"Knowing that I was leaving her was a big weight off of my shoulders and I met someone else that I started talking to."
Just Humming Along
"Kid, career, looking up one day and realizing that there are parts to your life you recognize, but most of it doesn't. Then you begin to realize what you've accepted in place of facing the truth."
"One compromise becomes always compromising, and you realize your the doormat. Double standards you 'overlooked' to keep the peace are now the foundation of your relationship. All the small foibles you forgave because 'it's not worth getting into it over' now crowd you out."
"It's the stark realization that all the times you bit your tongue has led to a situation where you're just not happy, and you know the next step is just going to suck."
"Or as I call it, Monday."
Wise, But a Little Sad
"We have good chemistry and built a life together. After a lot of years, love comes and goes. It is like the seasons."
"As cold as it can be in the winter, if you put the effort in, the spring will always come back."
"Fear. I realised three months into my first real relationship that not only was this a bad idea, I was probably asexual."
"But I was already too afraid to leave, and stayed for four years, until I managed to leave him by moving a long way away where he couldn't find me."
Here's hoping that the relationships of all reading this are full of passionate intensity and presence of mind. But we know that's not true.
Somewhere, love is dying in a relationship. In which case, hopefully, both partners carry the strength to move on as soon as the time is right.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
For the teenagers deep in the throes of a high school romance, the rest of the world fades away.
Stocked with those underdeveloped adolescent brains, teenagers in love are certain that their love will last forever. No parents, no geographies, no accidents, no external circumstances could possibly interrupt a love so powerful.
Of course, that isn't always the truth. In fact, it rarely is.
Usually high school romances, in the grand scheme of things, are remembered as simply that: a first love that didn't work out.
But there is no doubt that the relationship, as preliminary as it was, held a deep impact on both people. The experiences of that time set the tone for future intimacy. The memories linger.
Which is why so many Redditors had no difficulty giving informed responses to a post asking about the status of high school sweethearts. For a years-old love, it certainly appears top of mind when you read through these.
GavinThePenguin asked, "What happened to your highschool sweetheart?"
"She is married to what looks to be a pretty great guy, and she is working at her dream job, so presumably she is pretty happy."
"And I'm happy for her."
"She was living in a group home when we dated freshman year. She aged out at 18, and fell right off the radar."
"Turned out she went to live at a homeless encampment and didn't survive the winter."
Consistent Displays of Character
"Mine contacted me when he heard I was getting married. Turns out he was married at the time with 3 kids but he would leave his wife for me now that I was 'ready to be married'..."
"...hmmmm so marriage is just a process of interchangeable parts?"
"He reached out again some 30 years later. I connected to see if he had grown up. Nope, still a di**, on his 3rd wife but willing to have sex with me if I was open to it!"
No Love Lost
"He cheated on me with my cousin on Christmas eve in our house. Broke up with him. Few months later he started to date my step mom."
"Last I heard he works at a cook at a bar and is a deadbeat dad that hasn't seen his kid in 7 years."
Beating the Odds
"She recently got engaged to some loser that she's too good for. We're also buying a house together!" -- AlliRmbrIsDrtSkyDrt
"Such a sweet twist. Congratulations 🎈" -- pttrusha
Not All First Loves Don't Last
"She's in the other room watching Jurassic Park with our daughter." -- A-Grey-World
"That is life goals. You should be watching JP too!!!!" -- Kevrack_Invades
"Sick bastard. WHY DIDN'T YOU JOIN THEM WATCHING THAT MASTERPIECE" -- nicknameedan
A Mature Outlook
"She dropped off my radar for 15 years. Then we happened to cross paths when I decided to attend a community gathering and walk for Pokemon Go of all things."
"We exchanged hello's and caught up for a few minutes, but she didn't have time to talk. Turns out she was beyond busy, because she was the one who organized the event."
"I don't think I'm a proud point in her life, and she didn't seem that excited to see me, so I just let her do her thing and stay out of her way."
"Our time together is supposed to be in the past, and that's where I'll keep it. I had a good time at the event, though, so I'm glad she put it together."
"He broke up with me amicably after 8 months when we were 16. We went to different universities, 5 years and 2 degrees each later, I traveled through his city for a job interview."
"I went for a drink or three with him after the interview - it was as if we'd seen each other yesterday. He walked me to the train, just in time - but I hopped off to kiss him before hopping back on as the train departed."
"5 years later we're in the process of buying our first house and are engaged. ❤️"
"She's getting married soon to the guy she dated immediately after me. Similar to the girlfriend after her. I haven't dated all that much actually, but so far 2/3 actual relationships have found their spouses after me."
"Number 3 still has the chance. Not sure how I feel about this, but hey. Tired of being single? Break up with me. 66% chance you'll find them after."
The Past Is Always Here
"She broke up with me over a text message 2 months after highschool ended. 10 years later I was at a friends wedding rehearsal at the same venue my ex was getting married at that day."
"The world shrinks a little bit each day."
Without planning it, we ended up in the same college. He studies Med and I Biology, so we help each other sometimes."
"The advantages of having dated the top student."
A Mature Trajectory
"She broke up with me which I don't blame her for. I was on the wrong track, selling weed and had no goals. That set off a dark period for me but eventually I moved out of town, started my own business, and haven't looked back."
"We reconnected a few weeks before the high school reunion actually two years ago. She's doing quite well! And has a great husband."
"We caught up and wished each other the best, shoot a message every now and then. I wish I knew how to be just a normal friend with women when I was a teenager LOL."
"She broke up with me after we graduated and is now engaged to the super wealthy dude she broke up with me for and living in Italy."
"Needless to say, she's doing better for herself than I am lol"
Nothing But Good Thoughts
"Graduated HS in 2002, we lost touch but reconnected ( just text not in person) a couple years ago. He got his masters in ecology, moved to Alaska for a bit, now lives in the North East."
"He was the kindest guy. I wish nothing but the best for him always."
What Could Have Been
"Stayed with her 6 years. She died of breast cancer last year at 37 married with 3 kids to a different man."
"It was one of my biggest regrets in life not marrying her, but part of me is glad that I wasn't with her when she died, left alone, with three children."
"I still never had children to this day."
Dodged a Bullet
"Best friend in High School. I had a massive crush on her. She was pentacostal, but never seemed too uptight. We never dated, and I was happy just hanging out with her. Caught up with her on Facebook, like, 20 years later."
".....she's full on islamaphobic, homophobic, Trump-supporting, racist, uptight Karen now. Really sad to see, because she was such a sweet and caring girl in high school. :( "
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Not a single thriving relationship has ever suddenly gone through a break up.
When things are ended, the deed comes after a slow creep, the confusing period of self-rationalizations, growing contempt, and willful denial.
After the creep swells for long enough, though, we begin to listen. Feeling unfairly irritable is not an example that you're a jerk, but that you need to listen. Avoidance does not automatically denote pure selfishness, rather forgivable distance or dissatisfaction.
The manifestation of the widening gap takes many forms, all of which Redditors have come across. One question beckoned a list of the great variety of signs that may arise.
FagnusTwatfield asked, "What are some signs that a relationship has run its course?"
The Heart-Sink Alarm
"If you find that you can only relax and be yourself when they aren't around, crushing you with the weight of their silent judgement and disapproval, it's way past the expiration date." -- downhereforyoursoul
"When you turn the corner driving home, and feel disappointment when you see her car in the driveway - because you know the minute you step in the door she's going to start crapping on you again." -- lucky_ducker
Opposite Sides of the Same Coin
"You've bottled your real feelings up so much that now everything they do or say fills you with contempt." -- breakfastinthemornin
From personal experience, the biggest indicator is when tensions should be high, you should be upset or arguing, but you just don't care anymore." -- ThunderPantsDance
Things that Thrive are not so Bitter
"When you start fighting about a lot of meaningless things. In many cases, I'd say it's a manifestation of the hesitation to deal with the quite harsh truth that you no longer feel that you want to be with the person."
Cold, Telling Indifference
"The sight of them does nothing for you. Getting a text or phone call from them elicits an eye-roll. You try to avoid them. You cannot hold a conversation with them because everything they say is irritating. You really could not care less about their day or anything they have to say to you. You find yourself fantasizing of a life without them... and it makes you smile."
Visceral Cues are Sometimes More Attuned
"While I couldn't pinpoint any one thing that was wrong, I started to get the sense he was annoyed with me, I said something wrong, he didn't want me around, etc. Trust your gut. Even if he's not experiencing anything wrong, you're clearly sensing something, so talk it out. Maybe he is cheating on you. Maybe you have unfounded trust issues."
"When you notice that your partner doesn't miss you (or vice versa) after being separated for a while. If you've been apart for a couple weeks or longer and your partner still feels no particular urgency to see you or talk to you, then the relationship is dead."
Forced or Compelled?
"When spending time is something you have to give effort to actively think about and plan out as opposed to something you look forward to and excitedly long for. I know that's what it was for me: she became a block in my schedule instead of the reason my schedule existed."
When "Alone Time" is the Rule
"When you're not enjoying your time around them any more. There's a difference between wanting a night away or a strong life outside of your relationship and full-on disliking their company." -- Responsible-Coyote
Read Your Words
"When you ask Reddit what signs show a relationship has run its course." -- Toxxxixx
"When you go to AskReddit to see if sexting is considered cheating." -- onidels
Where Do You Go When the Chips are Down?
"You have something big happen and they are not the first person you call."
"I had a car accident at like 5am and didn't even bother calling my now ex, he was useless and I called the people that mattered."
Exes can either be great or awful and it seems like there's no in between. But a defining moment is right after the breakup. You can really tell what an ex was truly like as a human once the breakup has happened.
Here were some of those stories.
Love Doesn't Mean ThisGiphy
She moved out first, then when that didn't work, she filed for divorce. In her delusional mind, this was what she needed to do for me to prove to her that I loved her.
This was shortly after we'd been in counseling and I had pointed out that my mom always threatened my dad with divorce. He would always beg her not to leave him, which was pathetic. I said I would never do that. She set out to prove me wrong, which I didn't realize at the time, but true to my word, I didn't try to get her back, which made her mad because her plan had failed.
Later, she found out that she had filed a year too early to make me pay spousal support the rest of her life, so she tried again to get me to get back with her.
A Tale Long Past
Well first he told all my friends he broke up with me because I cheated on him (wrong, I broke up with him because he was abusive). Then he started calling me at 3am begging me to just come hang out. Then he got fired from his job and kicked out of his apprenticeship and moved back in to his parents basement. I guess me waking him up to go to work really was the only reason he went?
I hope he's doing better today. At the time I thought he was young and immature and needed some help and could grow in to a good dude. Maybe I was wrong though, hard to say since we're not in contact at all anymore.
Choo Choo All AboardGiphy
Technically I broke up with him, but he printed off naked photos that I'd sent to him, annotated them and posted them to my parents house addressed to them.
It was awful at the time, but now it's been a few years and a restraining order I think it's pretty hilarious - mostly for the effort he went to to annotate these horribly blown up, A4 printed early-day-smartphone quality pics.
We'd only been together 3 months, so I'm not sure why he got hit so hard by the crazy train.
Our O'erhasty Marriage
For the most part I have no idea - I know that she got engaged about 2 weeks after I did, but I found that information out by accident. When I decided to remove her toxic a** from my life I made sure to swiftly remove her from everything except for having her phone number [simply because I had some texts from her that would incriminate her and that I knew I would need in the future]. I hear from her about once per year. 2 years ago she had her family lawyer send me a letter to which I was thankful I kept those texts from her. This year she texted me almost exactly one year later with a backhanded apology for all the sh!t she did and trying to reinforce that she was a good person [she wasn't]. I simply told her she had the wrong number. That part of my life is over and I don't have any care about what she does.
The Six Hour Rule
Called me a b*tch in social studies (8th grade) when kids in the school were spreading rumors about me and later realized he was gay. A total twink and everything.
Another one had a new girlfriend SIX HOURS after I broke up with them. Had brought that girl on a date with me as a friend, paid more attention to her the whole time. Definitely had something going on with her while we were dating.
The Long Distance ChallengeGiphy
(LDR) We didn't really have the best relationship, and as a result, didn't have a very great breakup either. He had begun to hardly talk to me, and was acting shady. I found out he was cheating on me with a girl who was still very obsessed over her own ex. I went with someone else that I had met around that time.
After recently returning to a game, I was informed by an old mutual friend that he and the girl he cheated on me with had apparently broke up not even a year into it because things were very rocky -- but this is coming from another person, so I don't know if it's true or not. Regardless, it's none of my business. Other than the "supposed" break-up he had with that girl, I don't know where he is or what he's up to. Hopefully, he is doing a lot better nowadays and has found the person he deserves.
I broke up with him, and he spent a week or two calling and texting and trying to convince me to move back in. I couldn't cut off contact completely for two reasons: first, all my sh*t was still there, and second, he had emotionally and psychologically abused me for so long that I still couldn't manage to stand up to him.
Finally he realized I wasn't going to get back with him when I started blocking his calls and hanging up on him, so he showed up at my parents' house where I was staying, broke in the door, and threw me around before pretending to attempt suicide and calling 911 on himself. Cops showed up and took statements and pressed assault charges on him.
This is a long one and I'm not sure if this counts but he knew I was going to break up with him from our phone conversation that day and he did it to beat me to it. I said I would like to still be friends and he started messaging me non stop for the next 3 days and got angry when I didn't reply or show immense interest in what he had to say which was ironic because one of the things I had an issue with whilst we were dating was that he never wanted to spend time together or put effort in to have conversations so this was highly unusual behaviour. The final straw was when I told him I couldn't talk to him that night because I was going to dinner and he decided to message family members to confirm that because he thought I was making stuff up to avoid talking to him. Our families are friends with each other which is important to know for later on. After I found that out I told him I wanted space and to not to contact me; he again got angry but left me alone.
I went on a weekend away with some girlfriends shortly after our last conversation and he called me the day I was leaving to 'talk about our breakup' but because I was in a shopping centre and suggested meeting up the following week to talk so we can cut all ties, he got mad and ended with him calling me a slut, liar and evil because I didn't want to talk and he thought I was going away with a guy which was not true at all. He texted my family members again and told them what he said to me on the phone and how I would never get anyone as good as him and guys would be stupid to date me and I didn't appreciate him.
Skip forward like two months and I start seeing someone and he finds out via social media. He spread rumours to my family through his family that I got fired from my job, dropped out of uni and was being physically abused by my new boyfriend. I had to show my family proof that I was still working and never got fired, still enrolled in uni and when I showed them that they knew he was just lying about everything. Whilst he was doing that he messaged my friends, and tried to convince them that I was a legitimate prostitute working in a brothel (I'm a paralegal and study law so I was quite shocked he reached that far) and tried to hook up with one of my friends which respectfully declined and blocked him.
Six months after breaking up he contacted family members again because he said he needed 'closure' and wanted to know how our relationship broke down because he was trying to be a better person. No-one wanted to get involved especially because during this my work got calls of a man asking for my personal info and one of my family members saw him in his sisters car outside my house during this but they were worried for his mental health and pressured me to respond to his message on social media, so I did. I was polite and didn't blame anyone and basically said that these are the reasons why I knew it wasn't working and you must have known too so it's all fine and a learning experience and there's nothing to talk about best wishes. He took that as an opportunity to tell me how he cheated on me through out our relationship (Lying) and asked if I was still a prostitute and that he got it from a 'credible source' that I was doing well in the prostitution industry and getting physically abused by my new boyfriend. I ended the conversation there, asked him to remove the profile picture he still had of us two as a couple on his social media pages, told my family members what happened and that is the reason why I didn't want to talk to him as I knew better. I also told them that they should tell his family to keep an eye on him as I dont think he was dealing with it well from all of his past behaviour and reblocked him.
My Heart Is Cleft In TwainGiphy
We remained friends. Clearly still love each other. A week after we went to a show out of town together (already had tickets) and got a hotel (already bought) and we had a good time as friends until we got back to the hotel room were I sat on the bed and she pushed me down and crawled on top of me and kissed told me she missed me and still loves and part of her wants to get back together. Nothing happened we went to our separate beds and went to sleep.
Next day for most of the drive back we talked about the possibility of us getting back together. We get to her house and we continue talking as she hits me with "but there's a reason we can't, I'm falling in love with someone else and we've already had sex." I don't care about the sex. But falling in love. We were broken up for 10 f*cking days and she's already falling in love with someone else. It's been almost 3 months and it still hurts. Found he was just using her. I don't talk to her anymore. I deleted her and her friends off my social media and their numbers. I locked away the notes she gave me and the ring I gave her. I've been cheated on. I've been ghosted but that. That was the worst someone could have ever done.
Out Of The Woods
This will probably get buried but a day after he broke up with me he made this really long Facebook post about being heartbroken and insinuated I cheated. I only found out because my best friend was still friends with him on Facebook and told me about it. A few months later my ex called me and told me he had an STD (I had just been to the gynecologist the previous month and had just been tested for what he said I might have).
He facebook messaged a friend of his from grad school (who had never met me, only saw pictures of my face, and called me "pretty for a big girl") and told her to check his relationship status. Then he immediately jumped into a relationship with a subordinate at his job. I found all this out when I had a suspicion he'd been having an emotional affair before he broke it off and logged into his facebook account.
No Concept Of CostGiphy
My sister's boyfriend bought a second-hand car and then made sure to tell all of my sister's friend that he'd done that with the money he'd put aside to "start a family" with my sister.
It was maybe 7000€. They'd been together for 5 months.
I'm still trying to figure out if he wanted her to move into the car with him and live there, or he had other grand plans for those 7000€.
Dangling The Prize
Sent me photos of the girl he "traded me in for", then asked if I wanted to join him at a bar and sends me another photo of him with two girls on his arm.
Honestly it was the saddest thing I ever saw. Why did he have to prove to me that he was "doing better"? He dumped me for the purpose of being with these other women. He broke my heart. He told me about a week before he eventually wanted to marry me. Like what's the point of being an asshole after that? What do you even gain? I didn't even talk to him after the night he broke up with me so I hadn't instigated anything. Jeff if you're still out there, I hope your dick rots off.
Begging Ain't Cute
One locked himself in his bedroom for 2 days. (Learned that per his roommates) he was 20.
One immediately got engaged. So I am sort of assuming I was "the other woman" and just didn't know it.
And one mass fb messaged all my friends he had met begging them to talk to me and get me to take him back OR give him advice on how to get me back.
Bit Of An EscapeGiphy
One had a depressing couple months before we started talking and then entered into a secret on again off again relationship. Eventually we ended it for real and I had no idea what he did, but from what I can see now he's very happy with a long term girlfriend. They seem very happy together and I'm very happy for them!
The next one I broke up with for being an annoying clingy git. He tried to get back into my life through my friends, who didn't understand why I had ended it with him. The events he attended I just didn't go to, and eventually my friends got tired of how clingy he was, and stopped inviting him. No idea what he did after that, (all that was 8 years ago?) But he's married now, and they seem happy together, so that's good!
The one after that I also broke up with, we just weren't compatible long term. I'm not that sure what he did right after, but it wasn't long before he met his now wife. They seem really happy together, and a far better match than we were, so I'm happy for them!
It's easy to be happy for them because I'm happily married, and have a beautiful baby. My ex's were all good people, just not right for me, so the fact they all found people more compatible than me just brings me happiness.