Self reflection is hard - it's the sort of thing that's so difficult that quite a few people never get around to it. There's always the risk of realizing that the bad guy in the story was, in fact, you.
It's said that no matter how good of a person you try to be, you're going to be the villain in someone's story.
Reddit user BlackSand_GreenWalls asked:
Realizing it can be heartbreaking, terrifying, disappointing and hurtful. But it can also be the catalyst to some of the biggest and most important changes we can ever make as people. Read through some of these stories from people who realized they weren't exactly the great partner they thought they were.
"I Was A Gift"
I realized a year after breaking up with my high school sweetheart (I broke up with him) that I was the main reason that relationship wasn't going anywhere.
He always acted like he couldn't get anywhere without me and that gave me a fat head, making me feel like I was a gift over him and he would do things and change for me because I was already so good to him. Looking back I realized I never made him feel special or do anything to help build him up or motivate him to get his sh!t together. We were young and he should, of course, be responsible for himself but my attitude was never going to help things.
I reached out to him a while ago and apologized for it. He seemed grateful and had his own regrets about our relationship. He seems to be in a much better place in his new one!! I'll always be glad because he was always a friend till we broke up and I wish him all the best.
I make a point now with my fiance to show my support to him, and make him feel special and tell him how attractive he is to me and make my feelings known. Instead of just complaining at him when I want change and not making the effort myself and expecting results.
- Mistril
Big Tipper
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I make up for it in my own way now by tipping 30%.
I used to criticize her for "only" being a waitress instead of using her intellect for good.
Sorry, Daniel
11 years on and I still get so much anxiety over it. He was the nicest guy you could ever meet and I was a headcase who broke his heart and said some horrible things. Years and therapy later, understanding my own demons has made things make sense. It's not excuse, but I know more of why I acted that way.
I keep wanting to contact him and apologize profusely, but I think it would be a bit too crazy. I'm sorry, Daniel. If you knew how many nights I literally lay awake hating myself, you'd know how truly sorry I am.
Friendships Are Relationships, Too
Not a 'romantic relationship', but my only friend in elementary school was quite literally the only kid lower on the "bullying" totem pole than I was. He was the target of everybody in the school, I was the target of everybody in the school except him; my response, being a f*cking 8 year old, was to partake in bullying him from time to time to try and "fit in" with the other kids.
I moved away a few years later but, honestly, knowing you were that much of a piece of sh*t never really leaves you. You can try to cope, try to alleviate their pain as much as possible, but when they respond to you with "It's fine, I forgive you, have a good life." and sh*t like that it's just a sting that never leaves.
At the very least, I've learned from it but that's all I can really do.
Two Villains
I was awful to my ex. I didn't know how to deal with the situation I'd been forced to deal with. I was supporting her entirely through her heroin addiction. I didn't have any room in the relationship to discuss my own problems, because hers took up all the space in the relationship. I would lash out at her, and it was incredibly tumultuous. We would get into fights all the time about stupid shit, and it wasn't healthy from either side. I was self medicating with alcohol, and wasn't dealing with my depression, anxiety, or ptsd at all, until it was too late and I did things that I couldn't take back. I got violent with her one night.
I've stopped drinking since then, and I have a therapist I go to. As time goes on, I'm starting to realize that I was the villain just as much as she was. I've asked for forgiveness, but that's not really good enough. I had to change my behavior, otherwise it would've been hollow.
I'm not speaking to her, and haven't talked to her in roughly 6 months. I need space and time, and spacetime to work on myself. She's presumably doing well though. She's halfway through a nursing program, and working a full time job. These are things she was completely incapable of while we were in a relationship, so I'm incredibly proud of her.
High School
Yes, but my sh*tty behavior was in high school, so I shouldn't be surprised. By the time I realized what I did was sh*tty, I had already grown as a person and matured.
I was controlling and emotionally manipulative, but I did not even realize it at the time. I wasn't the worst possible person, but I felt like we had to be in constant contact. I would sulk and guilt her if I didn't get my way on things. During the break-up itself I vague-posted (not that vague) about her on social media and accused her of betrayal and being heartless.
I was just scared and insecure in my first real relationship. She was right to break it off, and looking back she did everything she could to make it as painless as possible. I did not take it well though, and probably made her life a bit miserable for a few months. At the time I just could not understand how the couldn't love me. In hind sight, that might be the stupidest f*cking thing I have ever thought.
As for coping? I feel like being able to see how I was sh*tty and knowing that I would not do such things again means I have grown as a person. I am not that person anymore. I also realize I was a kid and I was still learning how to be a functional balanced person. I also realize that it seemed like a much bigger deal to me then, than any relationship might today. Not an excuse, but I can understand how that might contribute to my skewed view at the time.
The Fresh Prince Rap
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When I was like 16 I was dating a really great guy, but I wasn't ready for the level of serious relationship he was trying to give me. So I did the only natural thing and broke up with him in a rap.
It was to the tune of the fresh Prince of Bel Air and it seemed like a great idea at the time. The breakup had to happen, I wasn't ready for what he was offering. He really was an amazing guy and a great boyfriend, I just wish I would have handled it differently.
Zach. I'm so sorry. I honestly think this is the worst thing I've ever done.
Gaslighting
Realizing now that I sort of gaslighted her a bit when I always felt like I did a decent job of being a boyfriend. Learning from work and friends to shut up, take criticism, and hold actual conversations with them on how I can improve or learn from my mistakes. Not every critique is an attack.
Dumb 15 Year Old
I had an ex I hurt a lot when I was 15. Just didn't appreciate her enough. Wasn't attentive, openly talked about other girls while I was with her, just being a real immature dick. I was 15 and somehow landed a girl a year older and much more beautiful than I deserved. I let it go to my head, go figure.
We talked years later. I really wanted her back, but she couldn't see past what I did as a dumb 15 year old.
I guess when it happens that young, you just can't erase it. Obviously we all grow, and now about 15 years after I'm of course nothing like the boy I was back then, but some things are just the way they are, and some memories will just cloud everything.
I saw her last Christmas with a boyfriend. She looked happy and I really hope she is. She definitely deserves the world.
Hindsight Is Strong
The relationship has been over for years but I still haven't been able to even consider getting into another one. I'm too scared of being that person again. The idea is crippling.
I am sick of being the narcissistic ogre who discounted all of her problems and only wanted to think about me and mine. I am also massively afraid of being like that again because hindsight is strong but present sight is weak.
No Obligation To Accept
Yes. I tried to apologize (months later, not years) and he basically said that he hoped saying that made me feel better but he didn't want to ever hear from me again. I learned a really important lesson about the way I treat people and the fact that some things can't be fixed.
He may not have been ready or willing to accept it or forgive you, but if your apology was sincere and meaningful, it was still good of you to do it. Even if it doesn't matter to him now, one day he may look back on it and appreciate that you apologized. I hope it's able to give you some closure and peace. You did the only thing that can be done after the fact, and it sounds like you have learned and grown. That's all anyone can do.
Yes but he seems to be doing much better now with his new girlfriend and every time I've tried to initiate a conversation he shuts it down. So I let him live his life.
I've come to understand exactly what I did in that relationship and I try not to repeat it in future ones.
I've been on the receiving end of this multiple times. They break up and say horrible sh!t to destroy me. Then a few months later I'll get calls and texts asking for me not to hate them or think they are a bad person and how I "taught them how to be treated" and whatnot....
What it comes down to is that people that treat their partners shitty are sh!tty selfish people and when they try to ask for forgiveness, it's not for you, it's for their own selfish needs.
My current ex just sent me a big text apologizing for how she treated me a couple days ago. I've been on the fence about responding or not because I feel like she's at another low point and is looking for validation. I appreciate her apology but I don't feel the need to answer.
Loved The Distraction
My ex doesn't want to talk to me at all. I think it was entirely my fault. I try to be a good guy and respect women and people in general.
Thing is that I didn't know how to handle my insecurities, I didn't communicate and I didn't strive to improve the relationship. Also, I think I used her to forget about my problems and as a distraction. That's a big no no...
I thought I loved that girl - but as time goes by I'm starting to think that maybe I loved what she was (distraction, fun) and not her.
The breakup was about 7 months ago and I don't have the drive or will to maintain a relationship with a few girls I really liked... sh*ts a bummer. Worst thing is that I didn't know at the time that I was being shit, that's the worst part.
Toxic Girlfriend Stereotype
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It took me years to get over how much emotional guilt I gave him. He was my high school sweetheart, and I knew he loved and cherished me. I got jealous easily during the relationship and told him to stop talking to any female friends he had. I just literally gave him hell.
That's not even the worst part; I threatened to kill myself over such small matters. I'd say I realized that I was a toxic girlfriend a year and a half after the breakup.
My ex, surprisingly, forgave me about 2 years after the breakup. We can be cordial. I'm still coping with how shit I was as a person back then but I constantly remind myself to leave that in the past and focus on the present.
- Shallama
For many childhood memories are overrun by living nightmares.
Yes, children are resilient, but that doesn't mean that the things we see as babes don't follow us forever.
The horrors of the world are no stranger to the young.
Redditor -2sweetcaramel- wanted to see who was willing to share about the worst things we've seen as kids, so they asked:
"What’s the creepiest thing you saw as a kid?"
Serious Danger
"Me and my best friend would explore the drainage tunnels under the Vegas area where we grew up. These were miles long and it was always really cool down there so it was a good way to escape the heat of our scorching hot summers. We went into this one that goes under the Fiesta casino and found a camp with a bunch of homeless people."
"Mind you we are like 11 years old lol. And we just kept going like it was nothing. It wasn’t scary then but when I look back at it we could have been in some serious danger. Our parents had no idea we did this or where we were and we had no cellphones. We could have been kidnapped and never have been found."
oofboof2020
Waiting for Food
"I was at a portillos once when I was 12 and I was waiting with my little brother at a booth while my parents got our food. This guy was standing with his tray kind of watching me then after a couple of minutes he started to walk over really fast not breaking eye contact with me."
"He was 2 feet from the table and my dad came out of nowhere and scared the s**t out of him. He looked so surprised and just said he wanted to see if I’d get scared or not. He left his tray full of food near the door and left. My folks reported him but we never went to that location again since we found a better one closer to home."
nowhereboy1964
Captain Hobo to the Rescue
"When I was a pretty young teen, my friends and I were horsing around in San Francisco and started hanging out to smoke with some homeless guys. Another homeless dude came up and began aggressively trying to shake us down for anything (money, smokes, a ride, drugs- all of it) and wouldn’t take no for an answer."
"We got in over our heads and could tell this guy was now riling the other 2 guys up and they were acting like they wanted to jump us. Some grandfather-looking old homeless man appeared out of nowhere and yelled at us to get the f**k out of here- nice kids like us don’t belong down here at this hour!!"
"Captain Hobo saved our lives that night. My parents sincerely thought we were at a mall all day lol."
FartAttack911
Survival
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"I was 7 and survived the 2004 tsunami in Thailand. Witnessed the wave rise way above the already massive palm trees (approx. 40ft?) and my family and I watched/heard the wave crash into the ground from a rooftop."
faithfulpoo
These Tsunami stories are just tragic.
On the Sand
Scared The Launch GIF by CTV
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"We were a group of kids who went to swim in a local lake. And there was a dead body on the beach with their hands raised and their legs bent unnaturally that local police just took out of the same lake. I've never put my foot in these waters again."
oyloff
Be Clever
"I was walking to school and I was about 5 or 6 years old and some guy pulled up beside me in his car and asked if I would get in. He also offered me sweets to do so. I said no. The creepy bit was when he calmly said ‘clever boy’ to me, then drove off. I’ve never even told my parents or anyone else about this as it would most likely freak them out."
OstneyPiz
Bad Jokes
"Dad's side of the family pranked me by burying a fake body on our back property and had me dig it up to find valuables. Was only allowed to use a lantern for light. They stuffed old clothes with chicken bones. Sheetrock mud where the head was... Random fake jewelry as the treasures... I was like maybe 10 or 11.. I remember digging up the boot first and started gagging because it became real at that point."
Alegan239
YOU
Who Are You Reaction GIF by MOODMAN
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"Woke up to find my little brother staring at me in the dark, asking, Are you really you?"
PrettyLola2004
Siblings can really be a bunch of creepers.
No one should talk to others in the dark though.
Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
Hungry Cookie GIF by De Graafschap Dierenartsen
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What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
Hug GIF by The BarkPost
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Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
sleepy kitten GIF
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Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
Angry Tom And Jerry GIF by Boomerang Official
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Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...