Come closer... I'm going to tell you about my boyfriend's embarrassing injury - but shh, don't tell him I told you guys.
So - like ALL guys - dude can poop for forever. I don't understand male physiology. Why does it take 45 minutes to poop? I can only assume it's because we have kids and that's the only place we can get any peace and quiet.
Anyway, so one morning about a half hour into his traditional morning poop, he sends me a text that he's thrown his back out. Pooping. How that's even possible I may never know. It's not the X Games.
He waddled out of the bathroom grimacing in pain about ten minutes later. There was absolutely no way he could work, he could barely walk! Time for a convincing cover story; he told everyone he hurt himself moving furniture (we were just settling into a new place at the time, so it was totally believable.)
It took this man over a week to get over his poop injury.
Reddit user jcrewz asked:
I was once buttering toast with my face really close to it (I like my butter to be spread precisely) then I sneezed and slammed my head on the counter, effectively knocking myself out, and had to go to the ER to be treated for a concussion. I don't remember what I told them, but it definitely wasn't the truth.
Not Sure Which Is Worse
I was removing facial hair using a remover cream. I ended up leaving it on for too long which caused burns.
I told people I dropped hot noodles on my face.
I have a 1.5" stab wound scar on my left bicep. When I was younger and attractive girls asked me how it happened, I would tell them it happened during a fight where someone pulled a knife on me.
Actually...I worked in a butcher shop of a market when I was in my late teens. Part of my job was to collect all the carving knives from the prep area, put into a large plastic bin, and carry them behind the deli case to the kitchen to wash. One time coming back out of the kitchen, I failed to notice that someone had opened the trap door to the basement, which was in my direct path.
The plastic bin of knives obscured my view.
I took one fateful step and tumbled into the basement, with the (very sharp) contents of the bin raining down around me.
Somehow I escaped with only a twisted ankle and the aforementioned stab wound in my arm for which I had to go to the ER for stitches. I'll always remember being dazed, sitting at the bottom of the stairs looking up and seeing a meat cleaver embedded in one of the steps.
I once punched a bowling ball because I was frustrated. It turns out bowling balls are pretty hard. Broke my hand, it was swollen and bloody. Told my boss at work I slammed my hand in a door.
Its still broken, this was like 6 months ago.
Loving Yourself Too Hard
I dislocated my kneecap while masturbating. Lied and said I was falling off my bed when I woke up from a dream.
Threw out my back sneezing, told people I was moving something heavy because that was less stupid than the truth.
Finally a story I can share!
I was playing football (soccer) with a bunch of friends (I was 12). Since we were all still schoolkids, one team was usually gonna steamroll the other. On this occasion, I happened to be the keeper on the winning team, so I had nothing to do and I was really bored.
I decided it was a good time to do some pull ups, and so I grabbed the crossbar of the goalpost, and pulled myself up. Once I was on top, I stuck out my legs for fun... And got them stuck in the net. I couldn't untangle my legs no matter how hard I tried.
I ended up falling to the ground, but I stuck out my hands to prevent myself from breaking my tailbone.
I eventually found out that I'd broken my left wrist, with one of the bones inside the wrist being pushed out of position and slightly fractured.
What I told my parents (and the doctor too) was that I was running after the ball, and tripped over something, thus causing me to fall face first and break my wrist.
I broke my toe running from a bee.
I'm a huge weenie about stingy bugs, so when a bee got in my hair I freaked out. I ran toward the house, lost my balance, kicked the concrete step of mom's porch and fell backwards. Mom was sitting on the porch and I accidentally backhanded her before crashing to the ground. She was laughing so hard she couldn't help me up, and I was laughing so hard I couldn't get up.
I was super embarrassed for a while and just told everyone I tripped. I got over the shame because it was pretty funny, so I don't lie about it anymore.
Lord Sheldon And The Burrito
I was walking my dog, Lord Sheldon, in the park and I dropped my burrito on a rock in the creek, so I reached over to get it and I fell and dislocated my shoulder. I told all my coworkers that I was mugged in the park because they would never stop teasing me about it if I told the truth.
Comics Are Life
I was going to the bathroom and I was reading comic books. I was on the toilet for so long that my legs happened to fall asleep. As I was getting up I fell over with no use of my legs and broke my wrist. Told everyone I got in a fist fight.
Imitating The CatGiphy
I said I broke my toe hitting it on the radiator, which wasn't a lie in itself. What I left out is I hit it on the radiator because I fell off my bed, which happened because I was trying to imitate my cat and see if I could lick my butt. I could not.
I have bad tinnitus in my left ear. I tell people it's from firing rifles in the army without earplugs.
The real reason is I strained really really hard trying to poop when I was 13 and my ear popped. It's never been the same since.
The morning after the first time I spent the night with my now husband he made egg burritos for us for breakfast. We starting fooling around after eating and he hadn't washed his hands thoroughly enough to get the habanero (a kind of spicy pepper) off apparently.
After a couple days of still being in absolute misery in my vaginal area, I broke down and called my mom asking for the doctors number (I was 22). My mother offered to make the appointment for me and asked what was wrong. Instead of telling her I had slept with a stupid dude who injured my vagina in the worst way and I need to get a full STD screening while I'm at it, I told her I thought I had a yeast infection.
I had to wait two weeks for the appointment. I get to the check-in with the nurse and as soon as she says yeast infection I started crying, telling her what actually happened, why I lied, and she tells me not to worry, while trying to keep professional and not laughing. They did what they do and gave me a cream for my chemical burn and an antibiotic for a UTI.
I get home my mom sees my prescription cream, instantly freaks out and asks me what the hell happened. I come clean, she laughs hysterically. The moment my dad walks in the door she tells him, they both laugh hysterically. Nearly 10 years later, any chance they get they bring it up and laugh hysterically. Should have just stuck with the lie.
Sitting For Dinner
I once semi-dislocated my kneecap (in such a way that my leg locked up and I was in incredible pain) by sitting down to eat at the dinner table and twisting my leg somehow.
I hurt myself sitting down.
Instead I told my friends I had fallen down a steep hill on the local heathland, but my brother told them the truth and I was promptly mocked.
I was around 15, messing around with a bunch of friends, and we found a stuffed toy monkey in the bushes. We decided to call it Jicepy and took some dumb pics with it. Then my friend decided to toss him into the trees.
Me, having grown attached to the plushie we had walked around town with for three hours, dunking in puddles and taking pictures of posed with beer bottles and half smoked cigarettes, decided to dive after this thing in an attempt to rescue him. The only thing I came back with was a torn open knee and a nasty scar....RIP Jicepy :(
I just tell people I got the scar from falling over in a pool lmao (I worked briefly cleaning out the drained pools for rescue seals, they were slippery) No one can learn I actually got it diving into the bushes shrieking to retrieve a small dirt covered plushie monkey.
Snuggles Gone Wrong
I once got a black eye from smothering my dog with love and hugs. I had my arms around her and my face pressed up against hers and when she heard the sounds of the neighborhood dogs, she jolted her head down and back up to break free of my embrace. Basically a blunt snout to my eye caused an almost immediate black eye to appear.
A very odd and difficult story to explain in passing at school, "Uhh, haha yeah... my dog gave me a black eye", so I lied and said I got in a fist fight.
I had an exacto in my hand, but I was trying to move some plastic that I didnt want to cut/scratch, so I put the exacto in my back pocket. This is something I NEVER do. After moving the plastic, I see an exacto on the table I was working at, so I didn't think much of it and several minutes later I went to use the restroom. As I went to pull up my pants, I felt something slice my thigh open. The exacto was still in my pocket...and it took a fair chunk out of my thigh. Ended up needing 5 stitches...I didn't lie about it, but it's definitely the dumbest way I've hurt myself.
The back of my left hand has a huge gash across it and two of my fingers don't have full range of motion anymore. I tell people its a scar from the military that I don't want to talk about.
Really, I was playing hopscotch in my Moms living room with my nieces. I back handed a light bulb. Passed out from blood loss, and woke up on the way to the ER.
Um, I broke my left shoulder last September, cause I got a chair that spins for the first time in my life. Wanted to play with it a bit so I tried to get on with my knees. Somehow, the leg that got on pushed the chair away and started creating a split, with my one leg pushing the chair away and the other being stationary on the ground. I fell and broke my left shoulder.
My story now is that I tripped and fell down the stairs. It sounds less embarrassing.
When Hoarders Recycle
I think this was 3.5 or 4.5 years ago. Mom and I were cleaning house on New Year's Day because her brother and his wife were going to come over. Mom, for the first time in more than ten years, cleaned out her desk (both of my parents are compulsive hoarders, my dad is also a compulsive shopper/spender, so this was an exciting development).
We were about done cleaning, so we gathered up the trash and headed down to the dumpster and were going to get right in the car to go buy some dinner. Mom is very much out of shape, so I trekked across the parking lot to the dumpsters while she cleaned the snow off the car.
I managed to get rid of the trash without trouble, but the recycling bins were blocked by some discarded appliances: a dishwasher, two mini-fridges, and a fridge/freezer combo. I was determined not to bring the paper back upstairs or to contribute further to the American waste problems. They'd clearly been there for a few days as they were completely covered in snow and ice. I eyed up the situation and decided that injury was likely.
Obviously I ignored my assessment. As a short person, I determined I would have to mount one of the mini-fridges and would not be able to just step OVER it (later discovered that my legs WERE just long enough to have done so). I set a foot atop the mini-fridge immediately next to the fridge-freezer and held the handle on the freezer door for stability's sake. As soon as I placed my weight on the mini-fridge, the snow and ice sitting on it slid right off and I fell backwards.
In my descent, the back of my head hit the round steel pipe that formed the top horizontal edge of the dumpster and I slid down the side of the dumpster. I thought for about five seconds that I'd gotten away with no injury as I have very thick, curly hair which was down and my hood was up. It turned out that I'd struck the dumpster hard enough to split my scalp (kind of like a crack in the flesh of a dropped watermelon) which being cut by a sharp edge of any kind.
Being a head wound, the two-inch scalp lac turned by hair almost completely red in about five minutes. We were planning to get dinner out by one of the nearest hospitals, so I waited until we got that far to decide if i wanted to go to urgent care or not. The bleeding had slowed by then, so I decided not to bother.
I had a headache for at least a week, was nauseated, had trouble sleeping, and obviously had a concussion (not my first). I wasn't able to take any meds for the first 36 hours because I only had ibuprofen at home and you should only take acetaminophen with a head injury.
Moral of the story, if you assess a situation and deem injury to be a likely outcome you will most likely be injured and it will suck.
I have a gnarly 3rd degree burn scar on the inside of my upper arm.
What I've told people: accident with boiling water in the kitchen, I was moving a pot and the water splashed out when I moved too fast
The truth: after getting a Stouffer's meatloaf out of the microwave and peeling off the plastic, I placed it, still in the container on another plate, because it was too hot to carry. When I was walking it over to the table I jerked my arm (can't remember why) and it slipped and poured the hot gravy all over the inside of my upper arm. It's so embarrassing. I've only told a few people what really happened.
Broke my wrist while untieing my shoes.
I did a weird jump to switch feet so I could untie the other shoe. Foot got caught, fell on my hand.
Usually I just say, "Yeah, Ive broken my wrist but that's it" and leave it at that.
In school I once bent down to tie my shoelaces and hit my forehead on a radiator. Started bleeding like a waterfall. Told my teacher I slipped on some moss and hit my head on a stone wall.
Defeating The Dark LordGiphy
My husband and I were having sex and he "missed" and rammed me right in my lady taint. It hurt so much I was convinced I was going to either throw up or sh*t myself, so I ran to the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I woke up 3 minutes later in my husband's arms covered in blood. I had passed out on the toilet and fallen head first into the bathroom door hinge. I got 6 stitches in my forehead and now have a lighting shaped scar.
I told my family and friends I was having such bad stomach cramps that I passed out in the bathroom and hit my head (not unusual for me to pass out with pain.) They bought it. I did once tell a drunk man in a bar who asked that I got it defeating the Dark Lord. So worth it, maybe?
I was tap-dancing in the shower & I fell over. Broke my ankle in three or four places. Told everyone I was playing netball against big bro. I am such a failure.
Waving To A Friend
I once tripped while waving to one of my friends at church and scraped half of my face. I just didn't tell anyone what exactly had happened, because I felt so stupid afterwards because I wasn't paying attention at all.
If you don't have any experience with construction, it can be pretty interesting to watch those reality HGTV shows (I know I'm addicted at this point). Some of the best episodes can be the one's where they open up the walls to find the builder didn't do anything right, causing a huge blow to the budget. The drama!
As someone who doesn't know much about building, and is dreaming of homeownership, Redditor Vast_Recognition_682 asked a question I wish I had thought of first.
Redditor Vast_Recognition_682 asked:
"Home inspectors of reddit, what are some horrible things that almost went unnoticed?"
Here's some horror stories that shed a little light on the home owner unknowns.
Behind the closet wall.
"Going through a home with [the] home inspector, didn't find any issues, bring my dad in to look through the house too and he was [incessantly] checking everything. Looks at the Zillow listing with the floor plan, measures the basement, finds out the actual measurements smaller than the floor plan which led us to go looking in a closet and realize they finished a wall and closet around the old oil tank, never decommissioned it, never planned to tell anyone about it, and we would have had to rip walls out to get to it to remove it. It was a non starter and we walked away. So happy to have my dad's sharp eye while home shopping."
If you need a good prank idea when you're renovating, here's one:
"I saw a post once, this guy said his dad's house had a diagonal outer wall and he was installing a combination wall and bookshelf to square the room. Since there was a small dead space on one side, the dad (who was a doctor), got a life-size plastic human skeleton from work and tossed it in there."
"So if someone tore the wall out to remodel in 30 years or whatever, they'd see it and freak out."
Man cave mayhem.
"Not a home inspector, but I did ask our home inspector what crazy stuff he had seen over the years. He had two stories."
"He inspected a modest three bedroom house and found that were very strange structural cracks in the walls. The area where the house was built is primarily clay soil which leads to a lot of foundation issues, but these were really abnormal cracks. He headed to the attic to wrap up his inspection; it was located over the garage so there was absolutely no structural support there. He poked his head up into the attic and couldn't believe his eyes: the owner had a fully furnished man cave in the attic over the garage. It had a couch, big screen tv, weight set, and a huge gun safe. He said he had no idea how in the world all of that stuff didn't come crashing down through the garage ceiling or how the guy had managed to get the giant gun safe up there without some sort of elaborate winch system. He said it was only a matter of time before the house collapsed."
"The only other weird thing he encountered was a cistern (an old well) in a crawlspace underneath a house. He said he was crawling along on his stomach when he almost fell into it; it was left uncovered."
A rats nest of wires.
"I'm sure there will be some stories about wiring above drop ceilings. When I was looking at houses, I saw (not the home inspector) one once where like 10 different wires came into one rats nest of a cluster. To make it even better, there was a regular lamp cord that ran from it to power the hanging kitchen light above the table. And if you want whip cream and sprinkles on that.... the power came into that mess through knob and tube."
"I am an apprentice electrician and this comment just made my soul cry."
"I found an uncapped steel conduit with live wires behind my sink while remodeling. There wasn't even a cap on the wires."
"While ripping out our old kitchen we cut the old crappy countertop with a sawzaw, to our surprise saw a spark and blew a breaker. some mother f**kers who previously renovated this kitchen ran the wiring for a new outlet on the wall around the studs in a crevice in the back of the countertop...."
"My family flipped a house a few years ago. There were four ceilings, each a couple inches lower than the one before, and all but one had old wiring in it. It was like cutting into a weird lasagna, trying to find the studs in that house."
"Grandma was shrinking with old age, but her kids didn't want her to realize."
"Not me, but one I spoke to. Place almost passed, until out the corner of his eye... bam... jack stand holding up a beam under the house."
"Same with a house daughter was interested in. The place was a flip and totally redone. Beautiful. And down in the basement was a brick holding up a big beam."
This inspector had a full list.
1. "Furnace exhaust flue inlet at the attic furnace disconnected and a dead bird below it. Would have dumped all the furnace exhaust straight into the attic area. Obvious safety implication."
2. "Long time vacant house in a very secluded area. Reeked of cat p*ss and burnt plastic. No cats or cat feces in sight and no entry point for cats. Found small balloon in the corner of the floor where the fridge would be. Picked it up (with gloves) and white powder came spilling out. We came to the conclusion there was possibly the presence of methamphetamine in the home at some point and in some fashion."
3. "5 year old house, nice neighborhood, great shape, vacant. Everything looked good visually. In the attic, just after it had started raining heavily, a slight but constant drip was noticed from the roof sheathing in one area. Got lucky on that one. Sunny day, there would have been no evidence of any issue whatsoever."
4. "Homeowner DIY replaced the microwave and thought it would be 'clever' to run the exhaust vent into the wall cavity between the kitchen and adjacent laundry room. Just dumped the moisture into the wall. Mold city after a while if you do a lot of cooking while using the exhaust fan."
5. "60s house, well renovated. Range was a gas/electric dual fuel setup. Noticed broiler took forever to even start to warm up and never got hot enough that I couldn't touch it real quick (they usually glow red after like 30 seconds). Found out the range was plugged into a 110v outlet (enough to power the control panel and light) and not the proper 220v outlet (not even present). Oven was essentially useless. That one also had an incomplete drain line from a bathroom sink dumping everything directly into the crawlspace."
6. "New build. Got into the attic and just a quick 360° scan, something was off. Looking closer found a truss web beam that was completely gone, just ripped out (gusset plates bent to hell). Probably knocked out by the framing crews crane or something and they thought no one would notice. Time is money right? Lol"
They saved the day with this good catch!
"I used to work in a hospital, in IT. We were in a back corner of the oldest building. I used an out of the way stairwell, that had a 4 inch cast iron sprinkler main running through it."
"One day when I was leaving, I noticed a little tiny bit of water on the outside of the pipe. I went back to my desk, called maintenance, and asked them to send someone down so I could show them what I noticed. Walked the guy down to the stairwell and showed him, went on home."
"The next day I get to work and there's a letter on my desk. I open it, and it's from the director of maintenance. Seems that they shut down and depressurized the sprinkler line, and when they went to disconnect the section with the leak, the pipe just crumbled. They figured that my call prevented a major flood in materials management (which backed up to the stairwell on the floor below us) as well as a FD call-out, as the alarm would have gone when the pipe ruptured and water started flowing. The director sent me a very nice thank-you, and referred the situation to the cost-saving committee to see if they could get me a bonus based on preventing an accident."
The internet might just save homeowners on a whole lot of money by taking a closer look during the inspection. Thank goodness for this Ask Reddit post shedding light on the horror stories of homeownership and renovation mishaps.
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Unless you've been a member of the armed forces, you may only know drill sergeants as uncompassionate leaders who yell at privates all the time.
War Face GIF Giphy
"Drill instructors, what is the funniest thing you have seen a Private do?"
The following examples were utterly humiliating, but valuable lessons were learned.
"Had 2 guys get in a fight in our bay during basic. The drill sergeant made them hold hands and pretending to be on a date all week. Only time they could let go of each other's hands was rack time. They ended up becoming pretty good friends."
"Ex British Army officer here."
"A corporal went on a nine week mortar course and was accommodated (obviously) while he was away. It turned out he knew one of the DS teaching the course and was invited, regularly, to dine and drink in the Sergeant's Mess."
"The month after coming back from the course, he brought his payslip to me with a puzzled look on his face and, embarrassed, explained he didn't understand what it meant and could I help him?"
"It emerged that the Sergeant's Mess had a chitty system - you didn't pay for your drinks at the time, but signed for them and the total bill was deducted from your pay."
"This legend had managed to drink more than his monthly salary both months he'd been away and his payslip was a negative balance."
"I'm sorry Smith, I'm afraid you owe the Army £235 ($327.50) this month."
Asking For An Advance
"Former European Anti-Air Trainee here."
"Recruit spent his first check on alcohol and sex workers, asked his commander for next months check in advance the next day. Instead of having a good excuse prepared to actually succeed in that proposal he blankly told him in front of 80 other recruits why he'd need it."
"I saw a guy post about how he was like 6'3 and his DS was like 5'2, so whenever he messed up the DS would go up to him face to chest and yell 'Elevator!' and the guy would bend down to eye level with the DS and say 'Ding!' and the DS would proceed to look him in the eye while he chewed him out."
Some experiences were downright hilarious.
"Not an RDC, but in boot camp I was over the laundry crew. One recruit sh*t himself because he thought he couldn't leave his rack after taps. It was funny at the moment before I realized I had to wash it."
"This was the funniest f'king thing I ever read from u/odomotto"
"Recruit fired all his blank ammo during 'ambush training.' He crawled in ditch opposite where the aggressors were, and started throwing rocks at them. DI came running in middle of the road blowing his whistle and screaming 'what the f'k are you doing?' Recruit screamed back, 'throwing hand grenades drill sergeant!' Without missing a beat, the DI screamed 'out f'king standing.' And walked away."
"My sides hurt and I was wheezing laughing so hard at this when I first heard it!"
These punishments made no sense. And that's why they're memorable.
"When I was in basic, a kid we called 'Albino' shot off a blank round accidentally in the field. The sergeants were pissed and took his weapon away and replaced it with a broomstick for the remainder of the week in the field."
"Man I remember some dude didn't put the sheet on his bunk the right way and had to wear the sheet as a cloak and go to all the other barracks dancing around sing about how he was the 'Catch Edge Fairy' or something. It was pretty silly, he owned it though. He was doing twirls the whole time. This was Navy bootcamp."
Despite how they are depicted on film, drill instructors are people who care.
Like, Beals – a drill sergeant at Fort Knox, Kentucky – who said:
"We provide more than just physical, mental and emotional guidance for them. You are a father, a preacher, a financial advisor, a counselor-you provide so many different services to the Soldier that the regular public doesn't see on day to day basis."
"They see what they see in movies and what they hear about by word of mouth. But you are fulfilling so many roles other than just being a trainer and teaching an individual how to be a Soldier in the Army."
And occasionally, they are having a laugh at the crazy things their trainees do.
Sometimes, it becomes extremely clear that it's time to leave.
That goes for short term situations like a bizarre social moment, or longer term commitments like work or relationships.
Whatever the context, there is typically a tipping point moment when all the variables appear to suggest things have become unsafe, wildly uncomfortable, or maybe even a tad illegal.
It's those moments when all you can think about is the door.
Redditor Thotus_Maximus asked:
"What was your biggest 'I'm out' moment?"
Many people talked about the times they went to parties that turned out to be very different from what they had in mind.
"Went to a friend of a friend's 35th birthday party. There were like 3 people there when we showed up. Birthday boy says everyone's in the basement. Okay cool."
"We go down to the basement. Someone's DJing, they've got cool lighting, there's like 30 people dancing. After a minute or 2 we realize everyone in the basement is like 13. Nope Nope Nope."
THAT Kinda Party
"Lived in a hotel for a while when I was 18-19. One day a bunch of people I've met at the pool wanted to go up to this dudes room and party. I thought we were gonna drink, smoke, and have a conversation, but that's not how it went."
"While everyone went up there, I had to go back to my room and change clothes. When I finally went to join them, I walked in and saw this dude injecting hard drugs. I sh** you not, this dude turned completely blue and dropped to the ground like a rock. When I saw that, I just dipped."
"He got picked up by an ambulance and survived. When I saw him in the elevator the next day, he seemed like a completely different person. Seein' stuff like that (that wasn't my first time witnessing od's), I think kept me away from the drugs that can kill you easily."
The Great Escape
"I was at a party when I was a teen. Cops turned up. I was stuck upstairs. But there was a balcony and underneath a pool. And beyond the pool a gate leading to an alley."
"So I jumped in the pool."
"But when I resurfaced there were already two cops standing there looking at me."
Other Redditors recalled the times they encountered strangers that did not appear to have their best interest at heart, to say the least.
"Was approached by someone and we talked about how we went to the same college and I showed him some of my art work, he thought it was pretty cool and offered me an opportunity and wanted to talk more later because I was at work at the time."
"I met up with him and his girlfriend and he told about what he mentioned. As I say there listening, it sounded familiar and BAM! It hit me. It was a pyramid scheme, it had nothing to do with art or any job prospects, I told him I wasn't interested many times in the nicest way possible l, but boy did they look pi**ed."
"I got stuck in an airport overnight as my flight was cancelled due to weather and I was starving because all the stores were closed. Some employee offered to show me where to get food so I followed him."
"He then opened a door to outside in the parking lot and motioned outside. I quickly said 'no thanks' and walked away."
And finally, some talked about when it became very clear that their work situation needed to end, like yesterday.
Quotas Reign Supreme
"I got buried by heavy packages while loading a truck for Fedex. It took 3 people to get me out. I was bloody, bruised, and had trouble lifting my arm."
"My manager came over and chastised me for my package count being too low. Walked out immediately."
Leaving Him a Stressful Day
"I worked in a contact centre several years ago. It was super busy and calls didn't stop coming. For some reason, my stupid boss removed everyone else from the queue for some stupid training, leaving me alone to handle all the calls. I messaged him a few times on Microsoft Teams, asking what was happening with no reply."
"After two hours, I shut down my computer and walked out of the company. I just recently withdrawn my last salary, so no regret whatsoever."
Corruption At Its Finest
"I worked for a blood analysis lab machine company for about 6 months. Hated every minute of it because I was working well over 60 hours a week every week. I wouldn't be leaving some hospitals until after 11pm sometimes. The management would never support the techs, the customer is always right, that BS."
"So one week at during the over the phone team meeting, the manager actually asked on of the younger techs to complete paperwork and submit it. Which is normal, but the manager was having him submit the repair paperwork and schedule the repair when they got around to it. He wanted the tech to pencil whip documentation we submit to the FDA so he could a quarterly bonus."
"Managers who's group hits all the pm's, gets a very nice size check. Had the tech done that and the machine failed before it was serviced, somebody could have died and he might have gone to jail. I left that job the next day."
Out With a Bang
"I walked out of a job two hours into a shift and left them without anyone who could do my job."
"As a parting gift, I threw the manual I'd written in the rubbish and didn't bother removing or giving anyone my passwords to stuff so they couldn't do anything."
Years ago I had a classmate who was a total daredevil... so much so that he would often injure himself. He once drove a bike in the direction of oncoming traffic, just for the hell of it. He got out of that episode unscathed––luckily. By contrast, I prefer keeping all my limbs, and still have them all. I wonder where he is now. Hopefully not too banged up. I did do some stuff unwittingly––like the time I stuck a fork into an electrical socket. I thankfully wasn't shocked too much. I was young and naive.
People told us all about the dangerous things they did when they were younger after Redditor Not-an-Ocelot asked the online community,
"What's the most dangerous thing you did as a kid without realizing?"
"My chore was to wash the floors. I would mix all sorts of chemicals together, not realizing they don't mix. Like bleach and ammonia with other cleaning products."
This is very easy to do––and so dangerous! Thankfully you didn't harm yourself.
"I used to walk..."
"I used to walk on a frozen river when walking home from school. I was about 7 at the time."
Seen too many movies about people stuck under the ice.
"We would sneak up..."
"I used to do parkour. We would sneak up onto the rooftops of condo buildings when they were washing their windows (the staircases leading to the top floor would be unlocked). We would then go roof hopping.
Literal roof hopping like in Grand Theft Auto. We would jump from a 12 storey apartment building's roof to an adjacent 10 storey apartment building's roof, etc."
How are your knees? That's bound to do some damage, no?
"I picked up..."
"I picked up a baby copperhead snake and gave it to my mom as a present when I was 6 or 7."
You must have really hated your mom.
"There was a railway crossing..."
"There was a railway crossing on my walk to school, and the train would often be blocking my path so I would always wait until it stopped moving and then climb on top of it and jump off the other side so I could keep walking and not be late."
"Played inside an old broken refrigerator that was outside….not knowing it could have locked or tipped over."
Yes, it could have! Thankfully it didn't. There's a really frightening scene in The Leftovers involving a character who nearly suffocates in a fridge.
No thank you.
"Like most Florida kids..."
"Like most Florida kids I swam where I shouldn't have and I'm very lucky I didn't get eaten by alligators."
"After seeing videos..."
"Playing with fireworks. After seeing videos of kids blowing their fingers and hands off, I would never let my kids play with them, without lots of supervision."
"We are super lucky..."
"Getting on a boat with my then-boyfriend and not telling our parents where we were going. The boat ended up sinking during a storm and we had life jackets and floated on the ice chest. Only reason we are alive is because a ship that was coming in heard us screaming during the storm and called the coast guard. We were out there for a total of 15 hours and had severe hypothermia. We are super lucky to be alive."
This is pretty terrifying.
Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.
Yes, thankfully, you're alive.
"When I was about..."
"When I was about 9 or 10 a friend and I rode an air mattress down a river. Neither of us knew how to swim and we didn't tell our parents so when we came back cops were looking for us."
Well... these were a read.
If you'll excuse me, I'll stay indoors and wrap myself in bubble wrap. The outside world is scary.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
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