Who can really trust their body? At the end of the day we're all just ticking time-bombs, waiting to go off the moment we hit 30, when our backs suffer something traumatic enough to warrant a complaint every opportunity given. However, there are some aspects of being human that stink a little more than others.
Reddit user, u/anam__cara, wanted to know what should have been caught in the Beta testing phase when they asked:
What is the greatest design f-ck up of the human body?
This...This Feels Like It Should Have Been Caught In Alpha Testing
The breathing hole and the food hole are stupid close.
This Feels Like A Huge Missed Opportunity
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Dunno but I wish my tongue could clean my teeth like a toothbrush does
Their Protection Is Minimal
Probably fingernails, especially toenails.
They are barely useful and if they break in half it is pretty painful
What A Useless Tool
The spine.
You get used to standing/sitting/laying down a certain way and then just like that you have bad posture and is really difficult to correct after a while
Square Peg Into A Pea Sized Hole
Babies have way too big heads for them mum holes. That's just ridiculous. Why can't we be marsupials or smth and give birth to tiny jellies? At least we'd have an extra pocket, that'd be useful with most women's clothing lacking them
Our Bodies Are Cursed Traps
Narcolepsy. Oh, you have it? Whelp, guess you're tired for the rest of your life. But wait, even if you manage to sleep for say, 14 hours you feel as if you only had 3. Also enjoy those periods of insomnia.
And hey! You'll probably fall over too, risking head, neck and other injuries depending on your surroundings and how you fall.
Your brain also immediately into REM sleep when dozing off, so there is the potential factor of either visual or auditory hallucinations.
Why?? Because brain can't produce enough orexin due to destroying the neurons making it! How fun!
(Also pair it up with PTSD? Guess your life is a constant state of nightmares and panicking over the loss of control of your body because of cataplexy.)
Make Up Your Mind On Your Miracles
The fact that the human body can create an entire human inside it, full organ system and everything, but can't get rid of that one scar I got when I was 12
Window Cleaners Share The Best Things They've Ever Seen | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
This Does Seem A Little Unfair
"Keep good posture to prevent back strain and injuries"
makes slouching over feel super f-cking comfortable
Let's Put The Rat Poison Next To The Cereal
Femoral artery being just one giant, super important artery
If your femur breaks, then your femoral artery could be easily severed by the splintering bone and you'll die from internal bleeding
Do We Really Think About Toenails?
i don't know how to call this in english but i'll just say
toenails stuck in flesh
also butt hair, like you can't defecate without it getting evil
Friendly Fire!
You can bite the inside of your cheeks and your tongue.
And once you do, you're resigned to it happening over and over again because it swells.
This One Sucks So Bad It Starts To Come Around
Roll your ankle once and it's never the same
Roll your ankle enough that you get rubber ankles and it stops becoming so much of an issue. Source: soccer player.
Too Much Of A Good Thing
sometimes i choke on water
Sometimes I choke on the air I'm supposed to breathe
That'll Teach You?
Women having to bleed and hurt for about a week every month just because they didn't get pregnant.
What A Useless Body Part
The knees.
For a body part that needs to endure so much stress, they are also very delicate. It's one of the most commonly injured body parts, and it doesn't seem to heal well without surgical intervention. Tear a meniscus? Probably going to need surgery to get part of it cut out, since most of the meniscus doesn't have a blood supply and can't heal itself.
I'll Keep You Alive, Even If It KILLS You
Anaphylaxis. Your body will choke itself to death in an attempt to protect itself.
Your body will do anything to keep you alive, even if it kills you.
For example, fevers
Your body has an infection, so your body heats itself up to 40 degrees in an attempt to kill the infection but, your body can't survive at 40 degrees
Hello, ALL OF SOCIAL MEDIA
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The brain knowing it's doing wrong but still pushing itself to do it for some dopamine.
Like A Testi-Shield?
Testicles, I understand the reason they're not inside the body but damn, could we not have evolved some type of bollock armour by now?
...we need to send a written complaint to the male design department to design some kind of scrotal ribcage.
Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
Hungry Cookie GIF by De Graafschap Dierenartsen
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What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
Hug GIF by The BarkPost
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Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
sleepy kitten GIF
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Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
Angry Tom And Jerry GIF by Boomerang Official
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Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
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"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
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"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace
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"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office
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"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
