Being a parent can be incredibly challenging - pretty much every parent will tell you that it's one of the hardest things they've ever done in their lives. Strangely, being a parent is also sort of just expected of people.
That seems odd, doesn't it? Marathon runners don't just expect everyone else to run marathons. When you decide to undertake other major challenges, you don't just expect others to do so as well. Somehow, being a parent is different.
There are some people, however, who have no problem standing up against that pressure and saying no - they just don't want kids.
Reddit user Sebulista asked:
People who don't want kids, what are your reasons?
Their responses are pretty enlightening! Some have reasons related to family history, some are more interested in fulfillment in their own lives - and some want to know why they should even have to justify it!
A Messed Up Kid
Primarily because I don't want the responsibility, the stress, and they're expensive. I enjoy being around kids occasionally for short times, but having one full-time would not be fun for me.
I know this is kinda messed up to say, but I also don't want the risk of having a messed up kid. If I knew the child wouldn't have any major problems beforehand I would be more willing to have one.
North Dakota
I don't want kids in the same way I don't want to move to North Dakota: I have no reason to, and it seems unpleasant from my point of view.
"But It's Different..."
I don't like kids, simple as that. People say "But it's different when they're your own." Yeah I can't get away from them, making my situation way worse.
- xxZ3taxx
Revenge
You don't need a reason to not want kids. Mine is that when I was a kid my mom threw away my Pokemon cards. She wants grand kids and by denying her grand kids I am getting my revenge.
- Hizeto
Biggest Fear
Being pregnant/giving birth is my #1 biggest fear.
But also I just don't want them, the same way I don't want to own my own business or play sports. It's not something that interests me. I don't find taking care of children rewarding the way others do.
- Nyxloa
The Family Chemistry Lottery
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Schizophrenia and BiPolar disorder run in my family. My two cousins have five kids between them. With each pregnancy, I was internally screaming WTF are you DOING???
There's two girls and three boys. The eldest are 12. I find myself wondering who's going to win the family chemistry lottery. It should start to show up in about 4-5 years. I wonder how on earth my cousins will handle it.
I told my grandmother that I chose not to have children because of our genetics, and she said "You are a smart girl, because having a child with mental illness will Break. Your. Heart. And it will never stop. Your whole life, it will never stop."
Women Lose Too Much
To me it always seemed like women lose a hell of a lot when they have kids. Your body gets messed up permanently, your career suffers - if you can afford to go back. Childcare is hugely expensive, so a lot of women don't go back to work for years. You never have any time for your own stuff. Men get some of it too, but in my experience I haven't seen it to the same degree.
Above that a lot of women just disappear into being someone's mum, like they never did anything else. I know a lot of women love that, but I really hate that idea for myself. I have an identity of my own and I've worked very hard to get where I am. It frightens me to think that could disappear. Children don't interest me, and for what I would lose in order to raise one, I just don't see what's in it for me.
I guess in a different mindset, I'd think it was worth it, but i just don't care about raising children.
There's No Need
Being pregnant reminds me of Alien, and I just don't want to go through 9 months of agony.
Children consume your life and it's not something I want to trade my current time for. I enjoy my hobbies and I work a 9-5 job.
I want to travel the world throughout my life. I want money to spend on stupid things that I want. I want money and time to give to others that I feel deserve it or are in need.
I'm not maternal, in the general sense. I don't think most babies are cute. I don't want to hold babies. I don't want to care for a baby. I am much happier being in the aunt role.
I just don't feel the need for a child. People around me are having children. The population won't dwindle to nothing, that's for sure. My genetics aren't special. I don't care what my boyfriend and I would look like if we created an offspring and that baby looked like us combined. People who want kids can have kids but there's no reason I need to have kids. My parent's lives won't be less because they don't have grandchildren and my boyfriend and I won't be lonely in 50 years.
Climate Change
Global warming... to ME, it would be unconscionable to bring an innocent life into a world where I couldn't guarantee their safety and health for 80+ years.
Not Worth The Risk
I'm not risking my health for a child.
I'm an unhealthy person in general. I'm fat as hell, I have crippling depression, severe ADHD, and an eating disorder. The medications alone would kill or at least deform the baby. All the other things that happen in my body would yield a very unhealthy baby.
Plus, there's a lot of genetic unpleasantness in my family. We're all pretty smart but all have terrible mental health. I'm not creating a human who's only going to wind up sad all the time.
Weird To Justify
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I always find it weird to justify why I *don't* want something...
Why don't you want a pet elephant? Why aren't you building a spacecraft?
Cause like, why would I....? If *you* want to do that, go right ahead, but imposing your life's choices as a challenge to someone else is just...weird.
This Environment
I can't raise kids in this environment. The hate and cruelty just keeps increasing...
The brainwashing is constant.
- ra_relix
A Better Question
A better question would be, "people who want kids, what are your reasons?". None of them will ever be able to give you an answer other than "I just do" or something that translates directly to it.
The Feeling Of Relief
Never had the feeling, as i was growing up, that i want to be a mom. I was too busy finding my self, taking care of my self, my needs and my dreams and loving my family, friends an significant other. I love to read, to paint, to play video games, RPG or board games and i love my free time. I love to have a life style that allows me to relax after work.
We tried with my SO for a few years to stay pregnant, but didn't happen for medically reasons. I feel that if that happened then (to stay pregnant) i would be a good mom and I would love my kid. But when that didn't happen, the feeling of relief was huge. And when at 39-40 my menopause started (the women in my family had early menopause. My Mom, Grandmom and Aunt at their 40s but my 2 older sisters still have their periods), the choice of maternity left from my hands and I feel really good. I am 43 now and I love my childless life.
Inherited Sensitivity
I have the most well meaning parents, but I'm such a sensitive person that it lead me to several mental issues. I don't want to impose that to anyone, because it'll be my decision to give birth to a human being that will inherit a part, if not all, of this sensitivity. Oh and I'm genuinely terrified of expecting and giving birth.
- Moud_z
Yay Puppies
That biological instinct just isn't kicking in. They said it would, but I am nearing the end of my healthy childbearing years, and I'm still like "ew babies but yay puppies."
Birth Is Immoral
I'm an antinatalist so I believe it is immoral. I've been alive for 20 years and I know that life isn't fair. Life is full of pain and suffering. In this world you're either lucky or you're not.
I don't want to bring a person into this cruel world where they could be subject to being destitute, bullied, murdered, tortured etc.
We have so little control of what other people do. You can follow all the rules and be the most upstanding citizen but there are still people in this world who don't care about the rules/laws.
Ex. Your child could be walking home from school and gets hit by a drunk driver. Now your child is a quadriplegic and a vegetable for the rest of their life. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if this happened. To guarantee this will never happen, I will never have kids.
- Imydie
Hold Procreators Accountable
I don't think people need reasons not to have kids. There are way too many reasons NOT to have them. However, I have yet to see a single reason to have them that isn't selfish, stupid or cruel. We need to start holding procreators accountable, there are way too many humans already. There are way too many children being abused and neglected.
Environmental Damage
I genuinely feel that the environmental damage we have done is to far gone and that we maybe screwed as a species so to have a kid and give it a dying planet doesn't seem right to me.
I Will Turn Out Like My Parents
I did not have a good childhood. I am 25F and I am still realizing that what I considered to be normal is, in fact, not normal at all. Moreover, my parents dreams, pains and beliefs (a lot of them) were handed down to me and I am still struggling with that. I am still under tremendous amount of pressure. There has been quite a lot of trauma. And I am afraid that I will pass down mine to my kid if I ever become a mother.
I don't want anybody to feel the way I feel. My relationship with my parents is strained (obviously). I also think it would be heartbreaking if I have a child, and I make the same mistakes as my parents and I am at the receiving end of so much pain. Sorry for the rant. Basically, I don't want children because I am afraid. I am afraid that they will turn out like me and I will turn out like my parents.
Fireworks Or A Crossbow
I can barely afford to look after myself, why on earth would I drag a kid into that? Also I have my fair share of issues, and I would NOT be a good father. At best I'm that crazy uncle that shows up and gives the kids fireworks. Or a crossbow.
I Have A Dog
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I have a dog that I get upset that I have to walk and play with every damn day (I do, don't worry, she doesn't get neglected.) I don't want my kids to have a parent that isn't excited to spend time with them.
Compensate For My Childhood
Reasons I had before for wanting kids eventually was to be happy raising them, share in my hobbies and interests and hopefully raise someone who would just be happy without any significant trauma. Thinking about it more later, it seemed like I would be trying to compensate for my childhood and potentially force them into doing things they didn't like but I did.
There's also a lot of bad things that can happen outside of the parent's control or the kid's control. Thinking of the worst case scenarios, there's many things that can happen. It's a scary thing. Maybe my mind will change later, but right now I'm happy raising my dogs and I like to think they're happy too.
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
homer simpson episode 23 GIF
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
Disney World GIF
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.