Parenting is the exact opposite of easy.
I'd like to believe all parents do their best.
Some? Maybe not.
When we all look back, there will be mistakes and consequences.
I suppose that's life.
That's why we have therapists.
Redditor AlexDescendsIntoHell asked all the parents out there would fess up to a few things.
"What is a seemingly harmless parenting mistake that will majorly f**k up a child later in life?"
I don't know where to begin with my parent's mistakes.
Thankfully I'll never procreate.
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"Telling them that the family members who are mean to them or neglect them, love them."
"Anytime a child is playing with a child of the opposite gender, and they respond 'Oh who’s your boy/girlfriend?'"
"That s**t completely stopped me from even speaking to girls until damn near high school."
"I just saw this happen in front of my eyes not too long ago. My aunt started teasing my 12 year old cousin because she found out that a girl he was friends with had a little crush on him."
"Welp, that friendship ended right then and there. My cousin was obviously super embarrassed (of course my aunt made the big announcement in front of a bunch of people). I was so mad at my aunt. Like, what the f**k did she expect?"
"Being over protective as a parent. Or just not listening to your children."
"To tag onto that... never treating your children as adults."
"My girlfriend is 23 and despite being entirely independent of her family, her mom treats her like a child still."
"As in too-immature to make her own decisions, inferior to her/not equal (she was recently told to 'learn her place'), invalid in feelings, emotions, etc..."
"This invalidates her self worth, her opinions, her views and stances, etc... It’s wildly damaging, and extremely toxic. She can’t hold an adult conversation with her adult daughter, and it’s extremely frustrating."
"Discouraging them from asking questions. Yes it can be annoying to keep hearing 'but why daddy/mummy?' But I've met far too many adults who admit they stopped asking questions because as a kid their parents would shut them up or be like 'there he/she goes asking questions again.' Inquisitive minds need that fostered."
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"Not having a life of your own beyond being a parent."
"Your child isn't responsible for your happiness—you are. If your build your entire sense of self-worth around your child 1) there's a good chance your child will grow up to resent the pressure 2) you're setting an example for them to be codependent in their own relationships."
Being your own person is so important and so ignored.
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"Not stopping when your child says 'stop.' Whether it's teasing, or tickling, or wresting. Kids who have parents that don't respect their boundaries always seem to end up being the biggest d*cks and bullies because they've learned they don't have to respect other people's feelings."
"Never showing up for events. I remember my parents didn’t come to most of my chorus concerts. It really sucked to see my classmate's families cheer them on while my parents were absent. I brought home one of my chorus program papers to show my parents and I found it in the trash the next day... I was sad because I wanted to keep it but seeing it in the trash, I didn’t want it anymore."
"I love my parents and I don’t blame them for not showing up. they are small business owners and it was hard for them to find people who could work for them whenever I had concerts or anything. it still hurt though... :( also the replies to this are very sad, i’m sorry that a lot of you guys went through similar experiences."
"Also my mom is a clean freak, she’ll discard or move any stray papers laying around. she probably didn’t think much of it, she might not have even realized what it was (she can’t read english that well it’s her third language). after i told her she apologized to me, so it’s okay."
"I thought I should add that my little sister and grandma would come to them but my relationship with my grandma isn’t great... it’s just not the same as having your parents there if that makes sense."
"Creating an environment where you tell your kid their feelings aren’t valid just because they aren’t the same as yours or your kid processes their emotions differently than you."
"Angrily telling your kid they are too sensitive/dramatic/theatrical/hormonal/etc is just going to mess your kid up and encourage them to bottle emotions up to avoid upsetting you, and is going to lead to major communication issues."
"Also, constantly pushing an intelligent or self motivated child to work harder and harder and do 'better.' You’re setting your kid up to be a perfectionist, which can be incredibly damaging to his or her mental health in the long run."
here kitty kitty....
"When I was four my parents adopted a kitten. Of course I had never seen anything quite so delightful before and I could barely keep my hands off the little fur ball."
"So about two or three days passed, I get up in the morning and walk out and ask 'Where is the kitten?' And my parents told me that he died - implying that my roughhousing had killed it. I was terrified to touch an animal for several years." thereafter."
"In fact they had simply given the kitten back to the people they got it from."
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"Not having them do chores."
"My parents pushed me to be academic - so doted on me hand and foot as a kid to make more room for study. When you’re too young and stupid to know any better you think it’s a blessing."
"When I moved out to Uni I didn’t really know how to clean, when to clean, what to clean with, how to wash clothes, how to get them dry etc. The only thing I could do is cook and binge drink."
"That’s no way to bring up a kid, and its a steep learning curve doing all that stuff for the first time in your early 20s. It sounds like a super lame answer, but make sure every kid does their fair share of chores."
Sounds like parents are clearly on learning curves as well.
Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments below.