Photo by Ben Wicks on Unsplash

Kids are not the ideal option for everyone. Some people are ideally suited to having kids: they want the experience of taking care of and raising another little person with their partner.

But some people are not suited to have kids together. In fact, some people sort of end up playing secondary parent role because they just can't get themselves fully around taking care of a child.


Redditor GymLadyThrowaway asked:

"Parents who didn't want kids but agreed to have them for your partner, do you regret becoming a parent?"

Here were some of those stories.

A Sad Story

"I am the result of someone who shouldn't have had a child for their partner. My mother had me because my father wanted a daughter after already having a son. Which he got."

"However, my mother blamed me for a lot of things she was unhappy about because of it. She said she never got fat until she had me. That I was a brat who acted just like my father."

"(They split when I was 12) She was only nice to me during their divorce when she used me to do things to get back at my dad. She was a cold person to me in general."

"Not only was it clear she didn't love me, she didn't even like me. However, the sun has always risen and set right out my brother's rear end if you ask her."

"As weird as this sounds, I'm almost grateful for it. She taught me what not to do with my own kids. And I know I'm a better parent than she was for it."-Fun_Recording_4935

Now I Love My Bb

"No, I don't. I didn't have one for my partner per se, but got pregnant surprisingly after he was told he was sterile after chemotherapy."

"I had never wanted kids but he had always wanted more (he had a child from a previous relationship) and was thrilled that I was pregnant. The worst part was that he died from cancer before our child was born, so he never got to meet her."

"But I don't regret being a parent, even though I hadn't thought it was in the cards for me. I've definitely grown as a person as a result and cherish having that part of my late partner still here, doing great things and being a great person".

"She's a terrific part of life and I wouldn't change a thing. But I definitely don't want any more children. I'm definitely a 1 child-parent.

"That being said, I can understand people who do have regrets. Being a parent is neither easy nor is everyone capable of it for various reasons."-ComposerBeautiful875

My Daddy!

"My ex revealed after we had our daughter that even though he said he was on board with being a parent before we started trying to get pregnant, he was actually still massively hesitant at the time. Learning that kind of pissed me off."

"But I couldn't stay mad because he told me that while explaining how deeply he loved being a dad and how much that surprised him. He and our kid are two peas in a pod."

"She's two, and she talks about him non-stop. Everything is 'My daddy!' this and 'My daddy'" that. We're not together anymore, but I don't even mind that my daughter seems to prefer him over me because I never had a good relationship with my dad. I love how invested he is in her."

"That being said, I do know people who regret being parents, so I don't recommend doing what my ex did. If you don't want kids enthusiastically, don't potentially ruin your own life and a child's. It really hurts being the child of someone who doesn't know how to love you."-pendulousfunbags

Children can really turn your life around, for better or for worse.

The Opposite Of What You Thought

"Wow. Great question. I DID NOT want kids. After 12 years of marriage, my wife informed me that was always the plan. I quit research, had the first (daughter) and she had the second (son)."

"She was unable to change her lifestyle for said kids. The kids and I suffered emotional, narcissistic abuse for years. They are my best friends, REALLY kind, smart adults."

"I see ex maybe twice a year. You really never know how things will turn out. I do not regret having kids."-string1969

Love And Like Are Not The Same

"Not exactly the thing you're asking for, but...My husband thought he wanted kids. But he quickly realized he doesn't enjoy parenting."

"He's insanely proud of his kids. He also likes doing activities with them on the weekend, but it's the activities he enjoys more than the company. He doesn't enjoy being a dad, and that will never change."

"Me, I enjoy my kids' company. I like talking to them, helping them through things. I stop and appreciate who they are (right now) because they're going to be totally different in a year, and I will regret missing little things once they're grown up. I love the little shit they do."

"He couldn't care less. They annoy him, mostly. But I don't think he regrets them. He loves his kids, but he doesn't like being around them all that much."-GingerMau

Once Again, Worth The Bull

"Ex got pregnant, claimed she was on the pill. Definitely didn't want kids but that changed when my son was born. 13 months later she was pregnant again, and again said she was on the pill."

"Wasn't sure about another kid with her but it happened anyway. And both my sons have turned out to be pretty good kids and now terrific adults. I even got custody when their mom and I divorced."

"This year for my 60th birthday, they took me on a Route 66 road trip. And a month ago, my younger son had a daughter so now I'm a grandpa. I wouldn't have it any other way. I was absolutely miserable most of my marriage but I'd do it again to have my kids."-scottwax

Angry Babies Make History

"If you had asked me this question during the first year, I would have said 'Yes.' Our daughter was (and is still)...something else. Angriest baby I've ever seen."

"It was like she was getting back at us for taking her out of the cozy uterus. Screamed constantly even when completely taken care of (and with no digestive issues)."

"She'd get upset if we cuddled her, she barely smiled or laughed, wouldn't breastfeed, didn't like toys - all the things that are supposed to stir up the bonding chemicals in your brain weren't available to us."

"Meanwhile, we couldn't list a single thing she liked. Weren't even sure we were on that list. We really had a tough time bonding, as a result. We both spent moments wondering if we'd made a mistake becoming parents."

"She just turned 4. She's still the most stubborn, strong-willed human I've ever met - bar none. She can be a massive pain in the @ss."

"She also has a beautiful, vibrant imagination and a deep capacity for kindness. She's eloquent and can make conversation with anyone, kid or adult."

"She loves music, baking, drawing, doing silly voices, telling stories, building things, and now...hugging. She's f**king amazing and one of my favorite people in the world."

"You get to know this entirely new person. And who they are, what they show you about themselves as they get older and can express it in more complex ways, overwhelms every sh*tty moment."

"And eventually, as you understand more and more about them, you start to have less and less of those. Most beautiful experience I've ever had that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I wouldn't do a thing differently if given the choice."-LiterateNoob

But if you lean into the experience of raising a child, you might just find something more deep and lovely than you'd bargained for.

The Saddest State Of Affairs

"Not me, but I know a woman who had a child because her partner (at the time) was pro-life and against abortion. She made herself seem like she was religious etc which was a lie."

"Anyways, it seems like she regrets having that child because she just doesn't give a sh*t. Doesn't take care of her, just let's her play on her cell phone."

"Feeds her nothing but garbage food. Doesn't stay on top of her health, no dr appts or dental appts. The girl has really bad hygiene, matted hair, and has missed so much school she's failing every single class. The daughter notices that her mother doesn't love her."-noorofmyeye24

Legends Only

"My Mrs talked me into it. I never wanted any kids, especially with the state of the world now. Fast forward 3 years and I have a 2-year-old daughter and a newborn daughter."

"They are my world and I love them with all my being. I absolutely don't regret it one bit. My family makes me smile every time I think of them."

"Trick is to set them up for life with knowledge, humility and a decent financial head start. It worries me that it will be hard for them when they're older so I'm currently working my a** off to ensure they have a real good head start in the world. They're awesome. Little legends."-monkeyboyshredshred

A Nudge Or Simply Chance

"Nope. I was always hesitant about having kids. I didn't exactly grow up with positive male role models in my life so I wasn't about to tie myself to a c*nt for the rest of my life by having their child."

"I met my current partner and he expressed his desire to have kids and I told him I was on the fence about it. Eventually I felt I could trust his intentions enough to have a kid with him and so far, so good."

"I love being a parent though, my son is my world and it's incredible watching him grow up."-GreenieBeeNZ

Each and every decision to have a child is personal, and some people may choose, ultimately, never to have or raise a child. That decision is valid.

However, sometimes people need the thing they are the most afraid of. Sometimes, the thing that causes you dread just in thinking about it will become your ultimate life teacher. Having a kid definitely qualifies in that space.

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