People Reveal The Turnoffs That Make Them Not Want To Have Sex With Their Significant Other
Sex and relationships can be very dramatic.
It's not always fun and sweat. More often than not, it turns into wine and snores.
The truth is, it's not difficult to turn someone off.
One minute you're a hot dish. The next, you're stale meatloaf.
The question is, who is responsible?
Or is this relationship dead?
Redditor NeedSomeSparkInLife wanted to know who would be willing to share, so they asked:
"What makes you not want to be intimate with your SO?"
I'm an easily turned off person.
So it doesn't take much.
DesireBored Season 5 GIF by The OfficeGiphy
"Taking a moment to realize I'm the only one that makes sexual advances in the relationship. Makes me not want it. People think men only want sex for face value but a lot of men actually want the feeling of being desired more so."
"I've always heard of fighting then having sex after. Fighting has always made me not want it. The last thing I want to do when someone pisses me off is have sex with them. What made it worse is she always wanted to when we were arguing which made the argument worse when I refused."
"I think you're supposed to resolve your fight, realize that you care for each other a lot, move past it, then have the passion because of that. Not fight right into sex."
Take a Shower
"My ex and I were together for nearly 7 years, but his hygiene never improved, so we stopped being intimate like, 3 years before I finally broke up with him. He showered only once a week, but he worked in kitchens, so he was sweaty and greasy all the time."
"He had an infected tooth, so he constantly had bad breath, but he refused to visit a dentist, even when he had the money to afford dental work. He stopped working out within the first year of us being together, which sucked because he would get jealous if I went to the gym by myself or with my girlfriends, but he refused to come with me."
"Personally, the only issue I have is my SO's drinking. He just becomes an unattractive person when he's drunk. It's one thing if we're both out socializing and drinking together occasionally, but he drinks almost every day, sitting on the couch in front of the TV and to the point of sloppy drunkenness way too often. His face changes, his posture changes, his personality changes... I just get so turned off."
Hang UpArt Hello GIF by LINDSEY L33Giphy
"When they are glued to their phones non stop! Put that s**t down and look at me before we go to bed!"
"I really dislike this too. Makes me feel alone in the relationship."
No phones in bed. Hard rule for many of us to follow.
Step BackBe Quiet Go Away GIF by Ryn DeanGiphy
"When I make a move, and then get the feeling she's not really in the mood/would only do it to please me. I want us both to have a good time, not only me. So when she seems not into it, I take a step back."
"To be brutally honest, her anxiety and insecurity makes sex such a hassle. She doesn’t believe anything I say about wanting her, she can almost never relax during sex, she doesn’t take time to enjoy it, and if God forbid I have any trouble finishing, she takes it more personally than anything, which of course puts more pressure on me to finish, which then makes it almost impossible."
When at Wal-Mart
"When they’ve done something really nasty/unkind that day. Cruelty is the most ugly thing a person can show, in my eyes. I had a boyfriend that I went to Wal-Mart with and he ended up flipping off and storming right past the sweet little old man that checks the receipts at the door."
"It was partially about how I used to check receipts and I remembered how I felt when people treated me like that- but I also remember the look on the little old man’s face and just how disgusted I was with my partner being so nasty about it."
"I couldn’t touch him after that and I got grossed out when he touched me. And then I started to notice how he was nasty to other people as well. It eventually led to our break up."
33 Years In
"My husband used to dislike his job - he’d come home and do nothing but bi**h. After awhile, I just gave up trying to cheer him up with sex - you can only try so long. So, we had a long dry spell - like, whatever you think a dry spell would be, it’s longer. When someone is constantly annoyed, well, it’s hard to feel amorous."
"Anyway, he early retired (54) like a month before Covid kicked in and by autumn that year, well, let’s just say we’re back to what we were like when we first met. He’s not pissed off all the time. (I’m retired as well, and let’s just say, afternoon nookie is such a perk, as is morning nookie and 3am nookie because you can sleep in!) I’m glad we stayed together. Going on 33 years and we’re just so happy."
RageAngry Inside Out GIF by Disney PixarGiphy
"Feeling angry. I hate feeling angry. I don't like being around other people when angry. So I'll go for a walk, a drive etc, and just clear my head."
It seems like "dead bed," as some folks call it, can stem from many things, from mood, attraction, hygiene, and more.
Do you have anything to add to this list? Let us know in the comments.
People Confess Which Things They Wish They Started Doing Sooner In Life
No matter how happy we are with our lives, most of us can think of at least one thing that we wish we could have done differently.
Even if that just means starting to do the same things a little bit sooner.
Feeling reflective, Redditor AbortiveBases1 asked:
"What's something you wish you started doing sooner?"
Letting People Go
"Learning that just because someone is your friend for a long time doesn't mean you have to deal with their toxicity or narcissistic behavior."
"You can leave those friendships. It sucks at first but it's worse staying friends with people like that."
"My mom and dad got divorced in 2022 when my siblings and I were all between the ages of 27 and 31."
"We couldn't be happier. It could (and should) have happened way earlier, like 10 to 15 years earlier. Our childhood definitely suffered for it."
"I have no complaints about my mom, she's the best lady ever, but things would've been a lot more pleasant at home if they divorced then."
"I 3D print, do woodwork, and do home renovations. It’s made me more self-confident (I now usually believe I can do anything), more creative, and changed the way my brain works."
"I can’t imagine what kind of person I’d be today if I had been doing this all throughout my 20s."
"Weaning myself off sugar."
The Perfect Partner
"My wife. She's the granddaughter of a friend of my aunt, so I could have met her a lot sooner, but we only met when I was 29."
"The way we clicked together and got lost in conversation with each other... I only wish it had started sooner."
"You can't guarantee that you would have clicked earlier."
"It was the same with my wife, I had met a bunch of her close friends over the years through friends and vice versa. There are pictures of us at the same events when we were 17, 18, and 20, but we just never met. Ships passing in the night."
"We met finally at 29 and realized we had all the things in common and clicked immediately and are happily married with a beautiful two-year-old."
"Looking back, had we met at 17, I don't think we would have gotten together. We both had a lot of growing to do before we were right for each other."
Ditch the Hustle
"Focusing on friends instead of the grind."
"I worked two jobs through the 2010s. As a freelance digital artist at night, I made a lot of 'friends' through conventions, online chat groups, and social media."
"However, the pandemic hit, and the conventions closed. Freelance business dried up. Our clients disappeared. With my evenings more open, I focused more intently on ascending in my day job, and now only have one or two contacts left from my digital art years."
"They're all I have left. And we don't even talk that much."
"I'm working on rebuilding a friends circle, trying to reconnect with everyone who still remembers me, lives close enough, and didn't die years ago unbeknownst."
"It's an awkward process, trying to again find similar interests now that everyone has a wife, kids, and home to take care of, while I seem to have dropped out of a time portal from 2003."
Understanding Mental Health
"But seriously, endorphins."
"And understanding the importance of endorphins on mental health."
"Even a small amount of physical activity has a major improvement on my mental health, energy, and moods."
"I wish I'd started working sooner."
"My mom sent me money for food and essentials while I was in college because she said a job would just distract me from getting good grades. Unfortunately, she simply forgot to send the money, a lot."
Home Yoga Sessions
"At-home yoga. It's free AND my back doesn't hurt anymore!"
"Enforcing my own bedtime. My mood is 1,000% better on days when I get enough sleep."
The Value of Therapy
"Therapy. Seriously, if you are considering seeing a therapist, then just do it."
"Two-a-day workouts. Once you figure out intensity pacing and treating one as a 'light' workout, it’s not hard."
"Getting up at 5:30 most days isn’t awesome, but I get 14, 45-min hits of exercise almost every week, and I’ve never had as much energy, positivity, and overall health. Plus, weight management-wise, I can eat d**n near anything I want to. I had a 'mostly' clean diet before, so I wasn’t going bonkers. But it makes eating pretty enjoyable."
"Replacing self-depreciative jokes with sarcastic compliments on myself."
"For example, instead of saying, 'My hair looks like something died in it,' say, 'I was born a queen. Look how great I look on a bad hair day too!'"
"Fake it till you make it kinda works. Eventually, I'm not feeling as insecure about myself as I used to."
"Taking pictures with my husband and kids. I hate the way I look in pictures so usually, I’m the one behind the camera. It wasn’t until last year that I read a post here on Reddit that made me change my way of thinking."
"It said something along the lines of, kids don't see wrinkles, extra fat, or bad hair. You know, all the things we nitpick about ourselves. They just see Mom."
The Next Phase
"Retirement. Did it at 68 but was enjoying running my own publishing business, so I stayed on."
"Now in retirement, I’m having a blast doing so many things I never previously had time for that I wish I’d taken the plunge at 60, or earlier. (Let that be a lesson to all you young ‘uns out there.)"
While it's so easy to regret things in our lives, sometimes it's important to think about the things we're doing right.
Sometimes we'll be so proud of what we're doing, we'll only regret not getting a jump on it sooner.
People Break Down Which Things Have Gotten Worse And More Expensive At The Same Time
Over the course of time, we often find ourselves discovering things we once loved as a child that didn't turn out to be quite as wonderful as we remember.
Up to and including a restaurant we used to love, a clothing brand we almost exclusively shopped at, or an amusement park which dazzled us when we were young. While the disappointment could be owed to a slightly foggy memory, there might have also been an overall decline in quality at any and all of those places.
Making this experience all the more perplexing, however, is the fact that the less happy experience was much more expensive than it was when these same things brought us joy.
A curious imbalance indeed.
"What has simultaneously gotten worse and more expensive?"
So Much For The $1 Menu
"I rarely eat it, but every time I do it seems more expensive and I feel horrible after."- TheSecretStuffsFast Food Cheeseburger GIFGiphy
Hence The Shared Password...
Nothing I Couldn't Make Better At Home...
"Going out to eat, Restaurants."
"It used to be fun, now it's too expensive and the experience has become mediocre."- mojoisthebest
"Dining out for sure."
"Mid tier restaurants are using lower quality food, much of it prepackaged from major suppliers, prices are up and service is terrible."
"Many of our local restaurants have gotten away from table service and you order from a counter and pick up your own food."
"I don’t go out often, but I do go out expecting a decent meal and service."- Caspers_Shadowgordon ramsay cooking GIF by Gordon Ramsay's 24 Hours to Hell and BackGiphy
Sometimes Bigger Is Better...
"Bars of chocolate."
"It used to be a fairly cheap and substantial treat when I was kid, but they keep getting smaller and smaller and they're ridiculously expensive now."- eezgorriseadback
You'd Think They'd Have Solved This Problem By Now...
"Most technology designed to be replaced every few years."
"We used to design things to last."
"Now we design things to wear out so people keep buying new ones."- riphitter
Lucky For Vegetarians...
"Meat from the supermarket."- pretty_monotonousSupermarket Sweep Shopping GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy
No Matter Where You Get It...
"Food, in general."- BillyBobBarkerJrJr
Renting Or Buying...
"In fact, what used to be the premier candle, Yankee Candle had so gone down in quality the son of the original founder of Yankee Candle made his own company based on the original premise, quality, and scents of the original candles."
"It's called Kringle candle, but they're not available everywhere, so unfortunately, Yankee Candle it is."
"Yankee Candle, while never cheap, were of good quality and smelled good."
"Now the scents aren't as strong, the candles tunnel way too easily (they never used to do that), and they don't burn evenly."
"Yet they cost up to twice as much."- llcucf80christmas sniffs GIF by TargetGiphy
Especially In America
Especially Over The Last Three Years...
Still Worth It For The Meatballs
"Ikea furniture."- CrimsonVixen49Giphy
Things Ain't What They Used To Be
"AirBnb, Uber, Lyft, and pretty much everything else that has always been too good to be true."- CatherineConstance
When Even The Nosebleeds Are Too Expensive...
"Tickets to major sporting events."
"I read somewhere that going to a family of 4 going to an NFL game is like on average a $1000+ expense."
"Who in the world is paying for that?"- lUNITl
Jacking up the price of anything is an easy way to make people believe it must be a quality product.
Even if customers will quickly realize they did not get their money's worth.
It's easy to roll our eyes at the ludicrous things people still somehow believe.
For instance, the earth is flat, or the moon landing never happened.
All of which are nothing more than sensational conspiracy theories with no facts to back them up.
That being said, even those who laugh at others for believing ludicrous things often still believe a conspiracy theory or two of their own.
"What's a conspiracy theory you believe is 100% true?"
Anything Found On Reddit
"I would believe any conspiracy theory that explains why I see a version of this question in my feed 3 times per day."- Longjumping_Ad_6988
Hold On To Your Butts
"Several years back, Samuel L Jackson did an AMA."
"He announced it a few days before and said he would read, up to 300 words, any statement that was the highest voted."
"The initial comment that was in the lead was a series of words for a gps system."
"Left, right, turn, 1,2,3,4,5 etc and of course motherf*cker."
"Halfway through though, another comment took the lead and ended up winning."
"It was a rather bland announcement that he was retiring from acting and taking up a life of crime fighting."
'Till the end of time, I will believe that his team said there was no way he was going to read a script that would immediately be posted to create a product that he would not get paid for."
'I am sure Reddit admins put their thumb on the scale to get the other comment to win."- frodosbitchSamuel L Jackson Wink GIF by LionsgateGiphy
Mystery DNA Collection...
"When I was in middle school some group came and had every kid in the grade fingerprinted and mouth swabbed as a 'If My Child Goes Missing' packet for the children and parents."
"We got a copy of our fingerprints with our name on a form."
"And the sticker from that form was put on the tubes the mouth swabs would go back into."
"They set up in our gymnasium and the whole school of about 500 kids did it."
"I believe that was just a super easy way to get biometrics on the population before cellphones became popular."
"This was early mid 2000s."
"I’ve always wondered exactly who got that dna."- Equivalent_Seat6470
"I’m still convinced all these DNA test kits will be used/sold as a means to do things like deny medical coverage, plant evidence at crime scenes, population surveillance on a biometric level, etc."
"Got one as a gift once, handed it right back."
"The Candy Man..."
"The Ms on M&Ms have always been Ws."
"Willy & Wonka."- NorthernGamer71Willy Wonka Smile GIFGiphy
"Cost Cutting" My A**...
"All the recent tech layoffs (except Metas) weren't about cutting costs but about making workers afraid again and trying to claw back some of the leverage workers had been gaining."- boones_farmer
Maps Be Damned
"Bielefeld, Germany, does not exist."- Mikeavelli
They're Not Fooling Anyone
"Area 51 is where the US develop and test Intelligence, Surveillance, Tracking and Reconnaissance equipment, and the UFOs people are are actually new forms of surveillance equipment."- dazedan_confusedArea 51 GIF by MOODMANGiphy
Why They Didn't Release The Snyder Cut...
"DC makes sh*tty movies to give people comic book fatigue to spite marvel."- Season8isGreat
All In The Eye of The Beholder...
"That Contemporary art is used to launder money."
"Look it up. It makes sense."
"Rich person buys an art piece for $1,000, turns around and values it at $1,000,000, then sells it to a private buyer for 1.5x it's value."
"The buyer pays with a form of legal tender (cash) that cash has now been cleaned and is in the rich persons pocket, then he goes and commissions more art and repeats the cycle."
"After 5 years he has cleaned more money than offshore accounts, shell corporations, and high cash flow businesses could in 50 years."- Weird-Replacement-61Bored Modern Art GIF by unimpressionismGiphy
Seriously though, who actually uses change?
"The 'coin shortage' is just a way to have us all move to using our debt/credit cards and digital currency 100% of the time."
"When that finally happens, the government will have full access to viewing our funds and income and can freeze it whenever they want, which would give them full power over the economy."- Tomb5t0ne
Who Actually Bought Baseball?
"Michael Jordan’s first 'retirement' was because he was suspended for gambling."- trojan_man16
What Else Would "Central Intelligence" Mean...
"CIA drugging US citizens without their knowledge to learn how to manipulate people's minds."- Xtrepiphanycia GIFGiphy
Some people will believe literally anything they're told.
But just about everyone believes at least one sensational fact with zero evidence to back it up.
Mental health is so important, and we all know it.
If we can't manage our mental health, we can't manage anything else in our lives, either.
Now that the importance of mental health is acknowledged and talking about mental health is more accepted, it's easier than ever to get advice or tips on how to gain control over your mental health.
Of course, you can -- and should -- consider methods like therapy.
However, there are some easy tricks you can try right now, just to help start the process. This could include finding a little joy in each day, throwing yourself into your hobby, developing an exercise routine, or even cleaning the house!
Redditors have lots of great mental health tips, and are ready to share.
It all started when Redditor spiritualsplash asked:
"What's the greatest mental health tip you've gotten?"
Kind To Yourself
"Would you be friends with someone that talks to you the way you talk to yourself in your head? Be kinder to yourself."
"Yes. I am thankfully over my disordered eating, but struggled with it for years."
"seriously... would I tell a friend, "oh no, you can't eat today, because you ate yesterday, you pig?" I would not. So how on Earth is it okay to say that to yourself?"
Just Do It
"Anything worth doing is worth halfa**ing"
"Cant shower? washcloth. Cant cook? frozen dinners. Cant exercise? stand outside for a moment or by an open window."
"Do the little things"
"This was a huge push for me breaking out of my depressive episodes. Don't have the energy to just brush your teeth, floss, then mouth wash? Grab your tooth brush wet it and do a few scrubs. That's all it takes."
"Often times you will "I'm already here might as well do the rest of it" and it helps a ton."
Helping Others Help You
"You know that good feeling you get when you help someone? Asking for help is giving someone else the opportunity to feel that way."
Them, Not You
"I was having trouble with a co-worker. She was always criticizing me and annoying me. It didn’t have any practical effect on my job or career (she wasn’t on my team, nor was she in a position of authority) but it was demoralizing and unpleasant."
"I brought it up with my boss and he sighed and before he walked away, he said only “She’s a b*tch.”"
"It was terrific! I realized, yes, she is a b*tch. She complains about me and insults me, because she is an unpleasant person. It has nothing to do with me and it only has the effect on me that I allow it to have."
Lower The Pressure
"The best advice a coworker-turned-friend ever gave me when I complained sometimes I found the company drinks excruciatingly boring was "you know you don't have to enjoy things, right?""
"Suddenly showed me that I somehow had internalised that me finding things boring meant something was wrong with me, rather than with the things."
Superheroes Are You
"You're not your trauma"
"Unless your trauma was being bitten by a radioactive spider, in which case, you might be Spiderman."
I Like To Move It, Move It
"To start working out ( Nothing major, walks etc) and to find a hobby I like to do."
"A lot of people roll their eyes at this one, but it’s so true. Even something like walking daily can have a massive impact on your mental health."
"Go where your celebrated not where your tolerated . idk why but this quote got me a lot further in life when I was going through my trauma"
"After the last 4 years being at a job that sucked my soul and confidence out of me every single day, I feel this. Found a new job where my knowledge and skill was appreciated and acknowledged (and the pay was wayyy higher). I literally cried after my first day at my new job because I had forgotten what it felt like to be seen."
"I was so confused when someone told me to start drinking water regularly. I feel myself much happier and healthier"
No One Cares About You...And That's Good
""People don't give a f*ck about you. Everyone gives a f*ck about themselves and has anxiety of how other people perceive them. They are too busy being paranoid themselves. Literally nobody gives a single f*ck about what you do or did or didn't do.""
"This extremely helped my panic attacks about joining a new team and having to give presentations to them, feeling super self conscious. As soon as I realized they don't actually notice the things about myself I'm hyper aware of, everything became easier."
"To always have something to look forward to. Whether it's a new episode of a show every week or a D&D session with your friends just make sure that you always have something to look forward to during the week."
"Mistakes should be treated as lessons not regrets. Once you realize what you have learned from the mistake, let it go."
Control Your Reactions
"You are more than what happens to you. Also, you have a right to feel angry if you've been wronged, but you still have to find ways to move forward. Even if you don't forgive and forget."
"This is true. I went through a major depressive episode in my early 20s and had a friend cajole me into therapy. I had dropped out of college, gone through a series of dead-end jobs, and isolated myself from any meaningful relationships."
"I spent the entire first session explaining how everything that had gone wrong in my life could be connected back to my father. When I eventually took a breath, the therapist halted my rant. She told me that the abuse was categorically his fault, but everything I had done since and was doing now was my choice and in my control."
"That statement alone didn’t fix anything, but I saw that I was stuck emotionally at the age of my abuse. I needed to find a way to restart the clock. We started focusing my efforts on mindfulness, accountability, and forming healthy, mature relationships. I worked on moving forward and building self confidence. It was infinitely more beneficial than rehashing the past and “how did that make you feel” discussions."
Is There Any Evidence To Back Up That Theory?
"If you’re an overthinker, learn to segregate your thoughts by asking yourself is it an assumption based thought or an evidence based one."
As a fellow overthinker, this is amazing advice!