Turns out men aren't so good at taking hints from women. For example, if she invites you "up for coffee" after a date, coffee isn't coffee (usually). And if she breaks out the lingerie, that's a sign.
german900 asked women of Reddit: What's a common hint that men don't pick upon?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Not picking up on obvious interest.
There was a guy in college that I liked for a good year. We had dinner together after class two or three times a week, just the two of us. I tried to drop hints all the time, complimenting him and such.
Then Valentine's Day comes around and I ask in advance if he wants to get dinner that day. He immediately says yes and suggests we go somewhere different, since we usually ate at the same place all the time. I eagerly agreed.
We meet there and it's all decorated for Valentine's and he apparently had no idea it was valentine's day. I said "I guess you're my valentine's this year then! Lucky me!" and he turned bright red.
It never worked out and I got over him a bit after Valentine's. Then about a YEAR later we are talking and I bring up how I had the hugest crush on him, like a fun memory, and he goes absolutely bug eyed. Surprised, he is rapid firing questions to dissect how he could have known. After about fifty questions a look on his face made it clear it had finally dawned on him.
After that, I learned--just say it. "I like you. Can I buy you dinner sometime?" is the tried and true way. For me, at least.
Edit: sorry I got lost reading the comments and how so many were hints that a woman was not interested that I started writing my post. Then I saw the original question and realized it said "common". My bad.
Coffee isn't coffee at night.
Want to have something to drink inside (after a date).
Guy: No, I'm good.
Girl: Are you sure?
A coffee at this hour? Oh good heavens no, I'd never be able to get to sleep.
Dating in your 30's.
Yup, sometimes I know it's an offer for sex and I'm still like, "Sheesh, it's just so late... My hips been hurting all night... Am I even going to be able to get it up this tired with my knee like this? Best not risk it..."
Haha. This is so true. I've turned down guaranteed sex and I honestly remember laughing on my way home thinking "20 year old me would be so pissed right now."
Maybe he didn't want to have sex with you.
Not appreciating an effort to be sexy.
If you come home and she's wearing lingerie that might mean she wants to have sex. When you see that she has dressed up for you be dramatic about how much you appreciate it.
If I'm wearing matching undies and bra, I planned it. Otherwise I'm in a tank top and whatever colorful hideous bullsh*t came out of the Walmart multipack.
Needing to feel funny.
I have a girlfriend so maybe this is why I did not pick up the hint but I have always been bad picking up hints.
At family football watching party:
Me: Just chit-chatting with everyone
Girl: OMG you are SOOO funny, laughing a lot
Me: Say thank you and keep on talking
Girl: slowly moves closer to me
Me: Oblivious to the situation
Girlfriend: Hey, why don't we go grab a drink in the kitchen
Girlfriend: You know she was hitting on you right?
Me: No, I was just happy someone actually found me funny
People find me funny all the time. I have to remind them that looks aren't everything.
My husband is the same way. He didn't believe me that a friend of a mutual friend was obsessed with him until she purposely left crusty underwear in our car. I let her sit in the passenger seat to be polite (he was driving) and the gross undies appeared by the shifter when she got out for a few minutes. I put them back into her bag and she pulled her little stunt AGAIN when we dropped her off. Such a strange way to try to pick someone up haha.
When guys have no idea what consent is.
I've straight up told a man that I wanted his d and he still wasn't sure I really wanted sex.
"Ah, really? I mean, like, I'd kinda rather keep it, myself..."
When sex communication is lacking.
Was playing video games, husband watching. I quit, saying "I'm going upstairs to play with myself."
Cue me coming downstairs a couple hours later and asked him why he didn't join. He said he thought I was going to take a nap. I asked him what part of I'm going to play with myself sounds like nap time.
Honestly when I read that I thought it said "I'm going upstairs to play by myself" as in "I can't focus with you watching me."
I don't know, if my wife told me this I'd think she was intent on masturbating and leave her to it.
Bedtime fashion language, or lack thereof.
My pajamas. Strappy, silky or barely there? I'm not really ready to sleep.
Socks, long pants, long sleeved shirt? I'm tired. Cuddle me. I might snore.
19.5 years of marriage. He'll get it one day. ;)
LOL It almost sounds like he just thinks you're hot no matter what you're wearing, so he doesn't see your clothes as a clue but just one of the many ways you're attractive. Maybe a long-sleeved tee that has "not tonight, honey" written on it?
You know, I bet there's a ton of money to be made in message sleepwear like that. Something sexy with "I'm wearing this because I want to have sex with you tonight" written on it. Comfy clothes with, "Not tonight, honey." Comfy clothes with, "I want to be comfy but I also want sex, with you, tonight" written on it.
Wow, straight guys are bad at this.
Guy here but my experience went like this once:
Her: What are your plans after work Friday.
Me: Probably watch Terminator 2 and microwave a Hot Pocket.
Her: That sounds awesome, mind if I join?
Me: Sure, but I only have one Hot Pocket.
Her: That's ok :-)
Me in my mind: Wow, she really likes Terminator 2 and half a Hot Pocket. That's cool. I hope she's ok with the ham Hot Pockets. God, Terminator 2 is like the perfect movie, always takes it up a notch every scene...continue to play the entire Terminator 2 movie in my head...
Edit, wow this blew up. Thanks for the props and it seems a lot of people can relate to one part of the story or another. I'm not super well versed in reddit awards but it looks like silver and gold??? Thanks people...long live Terminator 2!
Me: Sure, but I only have one Hot Pocket.
"Can I have some?"
"Aurora borealis at this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?"
"May I see it?"
Respect the ring.
"I have a boyfriend/husband." equals " I'm not interested!"
It does not mean "I'm taken but please keep flirting with me."
Story time: One time I told a customer this (at a store) and he still kept talking to me. A co-worker saw it and paged for me to the stockroom. That was my excuse to leave him and I stayed in the stockroom for like ten minutes, just passing time. Came out and he was standing there waiting for me. I quickly walked to the bathroom, he followed me there and waited for me to come out. He tried talking to me again but I acted like I was busy and walked past him. I asked the manager to tell him to leave and he did. When I got off my shift at night there was a car in our empty parking lot. I got scared and had to be escorted to my car.
There was this guy who was hitting on me and I told him I had a boyfriend. He then said that another girl he'd hit on once also told him that but he didn't believe her because I guess she was flirty or something so he followed her home and rang her doorbell. He told me that he hid in the bushes and it turned out the girl actually did have a boyfriend because he was the one who opened the door. I had to show him pics of me and my ex to get him to leave me alone.
Not knowing how to flirt.
If I ask you a personal question I probably want you to ask me the same thing.
This is at least in part how I have concluded that a guy isn't actually interested in me. We hit it off on Tinder, had a great chat, he was flirty. But really, I was the one asking the questions 90% of the time and once I stopped, the conversation died down.
Maybe I just sabotaged it too early by stopping to speak to him, but I felt like besides telling me I was cute, he didn't have much else to say and he wasn't interested enough to ask questions.
My current boyfriend is like that at times. Our first few dates were a lot of me asking questions. He didn't really even flirt much. Left me feeling like "is he even into me?"
Turns out, he's just quiet and a bit socially awkward at times. Over time he got into the groove of learning how to flirt with me and ask questions. Some guys just don't know how to get that flow going right away.
One word answers.
My biggest one right now: if you are constantly messaging me and I am replying one or two word answers like yup, hah, or cool, I really don't want to talk to you but I feel bad not replying.
Flirtatious touching isn't necessarily an invitation.
Touching you. Like your hair or your arm. We don't touch guys we aren't at least attracted to or comfortable with.
Edit: Yeah I'm pretty sure like half of you totally ignored the "or comfortable with" part. Read the situation. If it's a date and she touches you that is a good sign. If you guys are friends it probably just means she feels safe with you.
You gotta be careful with this one though. Some girls are just naturally touchy. And from a bad experience with this type of person I barley touch any of my female friends or coworkers. Like not even to get their attention.
Critical caveat. This is one of those things where you have to know a lady's baseline behavior before you notice a divergence from it. If a lady's just touchy with you and you don't have much context, it could go either way.
Which means pretty much that touching isn't a clear sign, which is why guys ignore it to begin with.
Like most things: what is an obvious hint coming from one girl is just someone's baseline mannerisms coming from someone else.
Your server is (probably) not flirting with you.
If a woman is in a job where she's serving you, the customer and being friendly, cheerful, smiling and making eye contact with you, she doesn't want to bang you. It's her JOB to be nice to literally everyone.
I worked at this upscale bar. My coworker was facing away from the customers and scowling about something, just seething with frustration and rage. I almost saw steam coming out of her ears. I was legitimately worried about her. In her 180 degree turn towards the guests, I saw her transform in front of me eyes, putting on the most convincing display of genuine excitement and hospitality towards a couple customers at the bar. This beaming smile with a friendly inflection in the voice. My eyes must have been popping out of my head, that shit was borderline scary
I had a roommate that was very neckbeardy. 100+ pounds overweight, little to no personal hygiene or effort into appearance. We ate at a Buffalo Wild Wings twice a month or so and he left his number for so many cute waitresses because "they were totally flirting with him" despite me explaining what you said.
Every time I'd ask the next day if she called and shockingly none ever did.
"Leave me alone" means leave me alone.
Multiple times, I've had a guy try to chat with me on public transport, in a waiting room, on an airplane, etc. It's usually places I'm not really interested in having a conversation, so I'll give a short but polite response and turn back to my phone/book/music. Probably nine times out of ten, they continue to attempt to talk to me.
That shit is so annoying. Even worse when you're wearing headphones and they refuse to take the hint.
I was once wearing headphones and reading in the library and a guy STILL continued trying to hit on me.
Me too. Then get huffy when I didn't respond. "Don't you want to talk to me?" Dude, you're causing a scene at a woman sitting literally next to a sign saying QUIET ZONE.
Some comments on OP's thread.
ITT: Men hoping to hear hints women give them that they want to sleep with them.
Actually ITT: Women saying how often they give men hints to f*ck off.
Me: Paranoia that women are all being curt and dismissive to get rid of me.
Women ITT: Actually giving strong hints to f*ck off and die.