Turns out men aren't so good at taking hints from women. For example, if she invites you "up for coffee" after a date, coffee isn't coffee (usually). And if she breaks out the lingerie, that's a sign.
german900 asked women of Reddit: What's a common hint that men don't pick upon?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Not picking up on obvious interest.
There was a guy in college that I liked for a good year. We had dinner together after class two or three times a week, just the two of us. I tried to drop hints all the time, complimenting him and such.
Then Valentine's Day comes around and I ask in advance if he wants to get dinner that day. He immediately says yes and suggests we go somewhere different, since we usually ate at the same place all the time. I eagerly agreed.
We meet there and it's all decorated for Valentine's and he apparently had no idea it was valentine's day. I said "I guess you're my valentine's this year then! Lucky me!" and he turned bright red.
It never worked out and I got over him a bit after Valentine's. Then about a YEAR later we are talking and I bring up how I had the hugest crush on him, like a fun memory, and he goes absolutely bug eyed. Surprised, he is rapid firing questions to dissect how he could have known. After about fifty questions a look on his face made it clear it had finally dawned on him.
After that, I learned--just say it. "I like you. Can I buy you dinner sometime?" is the tried and true way. For me, at least.
Edit: sorry I got lost reading the comments and how so many were hints that a woman was not interested that I started writing my post. Then I saw the original question and realized it said "common". My bad.
Coffee isn't coffee at night.
Want to have something to drink inside (after a date).
Guy: No, I'm good.
Girl: Are you sure?
Guy: Yeah
A coffee at this hour? Oh good heavens no, I'd never be able to get to sleep.
Dating in your 30's.
Yup, sometimes I know it's an offer for sex and I'm still like, "Sheesh, it's just so late... My hips been hurting all night... Am I even going to be able to get it up this tired with my knee like this? Best not risk it..."
Haha. This is so true. I've turned down guaranteed sex and I honestly remember laughing on my way home thinking "20 year old me would be so pissed right now."
Maybe he didn't want to have sex with you.
Not appreciating an effort to be sexy.
If you come home and she's wearing lingerie that might mean she wants to have sex. When you see that she has dressed up for you be dramatic about how much you appreciate it.
If I'm wearing matching undies and bra, I planned it. Otherwise I'm in a tank top and whatever colorful hideous bullsh*t came out of the Walmart multipack.
Needing to feel funny.
I have a girlfriend so maybe this is why I did not pick up the hint but I have always been bad picking up hints.
At family football watching party:
Me: Just chit-chatting with everyone
Girl: OMG you are SOOO funny, laughing a lot
Me: Say thank you and keep on talking
Girl: slowly moves closer to me
Me: Oblivious to the situation
Girlfriend: Hey, why don't we go grab a drink in the kitchen
Girlfriend: You know she was hitting on you right?
Me: No, I was just happy someone actually found me funny
People find me funny all the time. I have to remind them that looks aren't everything.
My husband is the same way. He didn't believe me that a friend of a mutual friend was obsessed with him until she purposely left crusty underwear in our car. I let her sit in the passenger seat to be polite (he was driving) and the gross undies appeared by the shifter when she got out for a few minutes. I put them back into her bag and she pulled her little stunt AGAIN when we dropped her off. Such a strange way to try to pick someone up haha.
When guys have no idea what consent is.
I've straight up told a man that I wanted his d and he still wasn't sure I really wanted sex.
"Ah, really? I mean, like, I'd kinda rather keep it, myself..."
When sex communication is lacking.
Was playing video games, husband watching. I quit, saying "I'm going upstairs to play with myself."
Cue me coming downstairs a couple hours later and asked him why he didn't join. He said he thought I was going to take a nap. I asked him what part of I'm going to play with myself sounds like nap time.
ffs
Honestly when I read that I thought it said "I'm going upstairs to play by myself" as in "I can't focus with you watching me."
I don't know, if my wife told me this I'd think she was intent on masturbating and leave her to it.
Bedtime fashion language, or lack thereof.
My pajamas. Strappy, silky or barely there? I'm not really ready to sleep.
Socks, long pants, long sleeved shirt? I'm tired. Cuddle me. I might snore.
19.5 years of marriage. He'll get it one day. ;)
LOL It almost sounds like he just thinks you're hot no matter what you're wearing, so he doesn't see your clothes as a clue but just one of the many ways you're attractive. Maybe a long-sleeved tee that has "not tonight, honey" written on it?
You know, I bet there's a ton of money to be made in message sleepwear like that. Something sexy with "I'm wearing this because I want to have sex with you tonight" written on it. Comfy clothes with, "Not tonight, honey." Comfy clothes with, "I want to be comfy but I also want sex, with you, tonight" written on it.
Wow, straight guys are bad at this.
Guy here but my experience went like this once:
Her: What are your plans after work Friday.
Me: Probably watch Terminator 2 and microwave a Hot Pocket.
Her: That sounds awesome, mind if I join?
Me: Sure, but I only have one Hot Pocket.
Her: That's ok :-)
Me in my mind: Wow, she really likes Terminator 2 and half a Hot Pocket. That's cool. I hope she's ok with the ham Hot Pockets. God, Terminator 2 is like the perfect movie, always takes it up a notch every scene...continue to play the entire Terminator 2 movie in my head...
Edit, wow this blew up. Thanks for the props and it seems a lot of people can relate to one part of the story or another. I'm not super well versed in reddit awards but it looks like silver and gold??? Thanks people...long live Terminator 2!
Me: Sure, but I only have one Hot Pocket.
"Can I have some?"
"No."
"Aurora borealis at this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?"
"Yes."
"May I see it?"
"No."
Respect the ring.
"I have a boyfriend/husband." equals " I'm not interested!"
It does not mean "I'm taken but please keep flirting with me."
Story time: One time I told a customer this (at a store) and he still kept talking to me. A co-worker saw it and paged for me to the stockroom. That was my excuse to leave him and I stayed in the stockroom for like ten minutes, just passing time. Came out and he was standing there waiting for me. I quickly walked to the bathroom, he followed me there and waited for me to come out. He tried talking to me again but I acted like I was busy and walked past him. I asked the manager to tell him to leave and he did. When I got off my shift at night there was a car in our empty parking lot. I got scared and had to be escorted to my car.
There was this guy who was hitting on me and I told him I had a boyfriend. He then said that another girl he'd hit on once also told him that but he didn't believe her because I guess she was flirty or something so he followed her home and rang her doorbell. He told me that he hid in the bushes and it turned out the girl actually did have a boyfriend because he was the one who opened the door. I had to show him pics of me and my ex to get him to leave me alone.
Not knowing how to flirt.
If I ask you a personal question I probably want you to ask me the same thing.
This is at least in part how I have concluded that a guy isn't actually interested in me. We hit it off on Tinder, had a great chat, he was flirty. But really, I was the one asking the questions 90% of the time and once I stopped, the conversation died down.
Maybe I just sabotaged it too early by stopping to speak to him, but I felt like besides telling me I was cute, he didn't have much else to say and he wasn't interested enough to ask questions.
My current boyfriend is like that at times. Our first few dates were a lot of me asking questions. He didn't really even flirt much. Left me feeling like "is he even into me?"
Turns out, he's just quiet and a bit socially awkward at times. Over time he got into the groove of learning how to flirt with me and ask questions. Some guys just don't know how to get that flow going right away.
One word answers.
My biggest one right now: if you are constantly messaging me and I am replying one or two word answers like yup, hah, or cool, I really don't want to talk to you but I feel bad not replying.
Flirtatious touching isn't necessarily an invitation.
Touching you. Like your hair or your arm. We don't touch guys we aren't at least attracted to or comfortable with.
Edit: Yeah I'm pretty sure like half of you totally ignored the "or comfortable with" part. Read the situation. If it's a date and she touches you that is a good sign. If you guys are friends it probably just means she feels safe with you.
You gotta be careful with this one though. Some girls are just naturally touchy. And from a bad experience with this type of person I barley touch any of my female friends or coworkers. Like not even to get their attention.
Critical caveat. This is one of those things where you have to know a lady's baseline behavior before you notice a divergence from it. If a lady's just touchy with you and you don't have much context, it could go either way.
Which means pretty much that touching isn't a clear sign, which is why guys ignore it to begin with.
Like most things: what is an obvious hint coming from one girl is just someone's baseline mannerisms coming from someone else.
Your server is (probably) not flirting with you.
If a woman is in a job where she's serving you, the customer and being friendly, cheerful, smiling and making eye contact with you, she doesn't want to bang you. It's her JOB to be nice to literally everyone.
I worked at this upscale bar. My coworker was facing away from the customers and scowling about something, just seething with frustration and rage. I almost saw steam coming out of her ears. I was legitimately worried about her. In her 180 degree turn towards the guests, I saw her transform in front of me eyes, putting on the most convincing display of genuine excitement and hospitality towards a couple customers at the bar. This beaming smile with a friendly inflection in the voice. My eyes must have been popping out of my head, that shit was borderline scary
I had a roommate that was very neckbeardy. 100+ pounds overweight, little to no personal hygiene or effort into appearance. We ate at a Buffalo Wild Wings twice a month or so and he left his number for so many cute waitresses because "they were totally flirting with him" despite me explaining what you said.
Every time I'd ask the next day if she called and shockingly none ever did.
"Leave me alone" means leave me alone.
Multiple times, I've had a guy try to chat with me on public transport, in a waiting room, on an airplane, etc. It's usually places I'm not really interested in having a conversation, so I'll give a short but polite response and turn back to my phone/book/music. Probably nine times out of ten, they continue to attempt to talk to me.
That shit is so annoying. Even worse when you're wearing headphones and they refuse to take the hint.
I was once wearing headphones and reading in the library and a guy STILL continued trying to hit on me.
Me too. Then get huffy when I didn't respond. "Don't you want to talk to me?" Dude, you're causing a scene at a woman sitting literally next to a sign saying QUIET ZONE.
Some comments on OP's thread.
ITT: Men hoping to hear hints women give them that they want to sleep with them.
Actually ITT: Women saying how often they give men hints to f*ck off.
Me: Paranoia that women are all being curt and dismissive to get rid of me.
Women ITT: Actually giving strong hints to f*ck off and die.
Let me be real for a second.
Every time I listen to Bjork's "Unravel," my heart breaks a bit.
Have you ever listened to it?
It's on Homogenic, her third studio album, and it's incredible, passionate, smartly produced and a great showcase for her stupendous voice.
That song? An emotional rollercoaster, for sure.
There's tons of great music out there, though, and even more sad and gorgeous songs to discover.
People shared their thoughts after Redditor humanbear07 asked the online community:
"What song genuinely breaks your heart everytime you hear it?"
"Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice..."
"There's a few, but the isolated vocal track for Heart's 'Alone' is especially heartbreaking to me. Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice and her emotion really made that band."
FartAttack911
A classic!
Doesn't grow old.
There have been quite a few excellent covers of this one over the years, too.
"The first words give me chills..."
"Most songs by the late Jeff Buckley are sad on their own, and even more devastating in context. But the one that hits me the hardest is his cover of 'I Know It's Over' by the Smiths."
"The subject of the song is up for interpretation no matter what, but Jeff Buckley's premature death adds an element to it that seems to be about his life, whether he planned to or not."
"The first words give me chills the most— they happen after the classic reverby Jeff Buckley intro, the kind Hallelujah fans will be familiar with. He takes his time with this one, like he does with that."
Danielmav
No love for "Lilac Wine"?
C'mon, people.
It's clearly the best track.
"Ever since my husband..."
"'Merry Christmas, Darling' by the Carpenters. Ever since my husband Tom died in 2012, my heart breaks every Christmas since. We loved Christmas."
MysteriousTax5613
Karen Carpenter's voice hits differently when you realize how tortured her life was.
Gone too young.
"My Dad told me..."
"In My Life by The Beatles. My Dad told me when I was a teenager that he wanted it played at his funeral. I still can't listen, and when that day comes and I HAVE TO listen to it to honor his wish, I'm going to be a blubbering mess."
pennylane3339
Sounds like you have an excellent relationship with your dad.
Cherish it.
"My grandmother died..."
"He Stopped Loving Her Today, by George Jones. My grandmother died almost 20 years before my grandfather, and we played it at his funeral. Just typing this chokes me up a bit."
TimfromTampa
Songs have even more meaning (sometimes painfully so) when linked to specific moments in our lives, particularly the moments when we've lost people we care about.
"I'm not a Christian..."
"'Bridge Over Troubled Water' by Simon & Garfunkel. Not a Christian, but when I hear it, I understand why people believe."
holeontheground
A beautiful song, and timeless, too.
"My sister's husband..."
"Always on my Mind by Willie Nelson. My sisters husband chose to have it played at her funeral. And yes he was a crappy husband and she died young in a car accident."
kearlysue
Sounds like art imitating life, no?
"He's an amazing songwriter..."
"Jason Isbell has so many it's honestly hard to choose one. Speed Trap Town, Decoration Day, Cover Me Up. He's an amazing songwriter."
RoamingBison
I don't know him–it's time to look him up and see how I feel.
"I can already feel tears..."
"One More Light by Linkin Park. I can already feel tears coming to my eyes just by typing this."
azavaloka
Chester Bennington's death was such a shock.
His music lives on.
"My brothers passed away..."
"Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd."
"My brothers passed away in a car accident shortly after coming home from Afghanistan. Reminds me of them every time I hear it."
Nessahtron
Sorry for your loss.
Hopefully hearing the song brings you peace.
Hearing a beautiful song can be an immensely moving experience.
And hearing a sad song can, for many people, help them cope with the pain of heartbreak better than they would have otherwise.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
Unfortunately, a friendship could really end at any point in life.
Friends grow apart, but also, sometimes, it's just necessary to say goodbye to your relationship with a friend.
Maybe they aren't the right type of friend for you anymore, or maybe something has happened in their lives to make them self-destructive and toxic.
The reasons are many, and they are all sad.
Redditor monarchmondays asked:
"People who have unfriended their childhood friend/best friend, what happened?"
Here were some of those answers.
Bad Looking Out
"I was more-so the one who was unfriended. Was going to be the best man in his wedding. Saw his fiance out with another dude. Like on this dude."
"Told him, he told me I was wrong, Yada Yada. Things got heated. I told him I couldn't be his best man. Some years down the road, he caught her cheating."
"Called me up, asked if I wanted to grab a beer. I went. He apologized. I accepted, but we're still not friends."-TheMotorcycleMan
Friends Don't Control Friends
"He was a pathological liar, manipulative and told all of my most trusted secrets to everyone because he wanted to feel powerful and like he controlled me."
"Haven't spoken a word in 5 years and I have never looked back."-TheDandy9
Sometimes Life Is The Only Thing In The Way
"As soon as I left my hometown and my best friend growing up stayed, we both changed in opposite directions. He assimilated to the local lifestyle, quickly became friends with people he never got along with in school."
"I left, made new friends, found new things I liked. He started a family, I started a career."
"The final straw though was he RSVP'd to our wedding and then just didn't show. No text, no call, no anything. I think he was pissed that I didn't make him my best man after I was his best man, even though it was exactly because he wasn't reliable and made everything about himself that I couldn't do it."
"He caused sh*t at other people's weddings and I just didn't want to deal with what I knew would be inevitable. It did highlight though that growing up I was his best friend as a matter of convenience where I genuinely liked hanging out with him."-porscheblack
It's never fun or happy to lose a friend, but sometimes it's necessary for your healing process.
We've Reached The Point Of No Return
"I haven't unfriended her YET but I'm basically at the point where I'm sick of her drama, pettiness and 'main character syndrome.'"
"Anything that doesn't go her way is taken personally and if you disagree with her (or even have a preference that differs from hers) she will berate you into submission and 'agreement.'"
"And heaven forbid you have a life that doesn't consider her wants and desires. We're both 30, almost 31. I'm too old for that sh*t."-Deezus1229
When The Punches Come, I Go
"I met my ex-best mate in school, he had a little narcissistic personality, but I understood that and ignored his faults."
"In late Teens, we started drinking and partying as most do; this is when it became apparent that he had alcohol problems, forever being violent looking for fights, killing my good vibes, and getting me pulled into unwanted situations where I saved him or stopped him from beating on someone for no good reason."
"Throughout our life, he never attempted to fight me. He remained a pretty good friend to me until our first trip overseas to Asia; during our trip, he tried to coward punch me in the back of the head because I asked him to put out his cigarette that he had just lit."
"I asked him because we were seated in a restaurant surrounded by families, for some reason that angered him, I got up to leave and luckily heard him coming and avoided his punch, but he then tried to attack me further, which ended with us both on the ground and me on top of him while he shouted and went crazy."
"Eventually, police arrived and pointed a gun at both of us; luckily, they didn't shoot. Having foreign police aiming at me because my friend wouldn't calm down was one of the most scary moments in my life and that's saying something because I don't come from a easy upbringing."
"He was drunk, of course, and claims he doesn't remember, but there's no excuse to try and coward punch anyone, especially your best mate."
"I packed my bags that night and left our joint holiday plans in the dirt, traveling solo and having a blast. When I got back from my trip, I quit drinking myself and have remained sober for the last five years."
"Throughout that five years, I've had brief encounters with him, but our friendship was never the same. Unfortunately, my old friend never changed as he aged; he eventually went to jail."
"I work in hospitals and have seen him show up to the emergency triage, bashed with broken bones, and just a few months ago, he randomly knocked at my door where my wife answered, he was covered in blood."
"My wife went and woke me up; he had a stab wound and refused to go to the hospital; I drove him home and haven't seen or spoken to him since.. His brother updated me and said he was fine, whatever that means."-King-Callous
When He's A Predator
"I, a 5th grader at the time, knew this chick who was in the 7th grade dating a junior in hs. The dude thought she was 16 because she was lying about her age."
"They had been f**king and sexting and all that jazz...he didn't know she was a minor. I went and told him, and they broke up, and he was pissed... yada, yada yada..."
"They became friends again after a few years. When I was in the 8th grade, she called just so he could flirt with me 🤮. I was 13 then, and he was probably around 20. I blocked her real quick."-Cancerous0713
The End Of An Era
"Inseparable all through jr and HS. We graduated in 85 so no social media but I still feel ghosted. He stopped returning my calls, I always had to initiate and when we did get together he wasn't that interested."
"I gave it a few tries but I got the message and just stopped contacting him and he never reach out to me after that. I never new why and it took almost 10 years for me to get over it and stop thinking about it every day."
"I kind of wish he would have just told me he doesn't like me anymore. I have a current best friend I met in college and we've been friends for 30+ years so it's all good."-DreamArcher
There is never a right time to say goodbye to someone you once considered a trusted friend.
Tragedy
"My best friends young son was killed in a four wheeler accident. I was the first responding paramedic. I had to take him from my friends arms to work on him. Knowing he was dead the all along."
"We flex the child on Lifeflight then I drove my best friend and his wife to the hospital. I knew all along he was dead but they didn't. It wasn't his fault or mine that he died in any way but I could never look my best friend in the eye again."
"All I could see was his pain. So we drifted apart. I finally got to tell him and his wife before my friend died with heart trouble."-hotandhornyinbama
Secret Mental Health Leeches
"She started being nasty to my husband when we got engaged. It was so gross. She was snarky and rude to him every time he spoke and made him feel unwelcome in our own home."
"I kind of fell out of friend love with her after watching her behave like that. My mom thinks it was jealousy or something, idk. My husband is the most fun and caring person I've ever known, I expected her to be happy for me."
"In retrospect, I realized there were a lot of other red flag issues I had been ignorant of. It's been 3 years now and I am so much mentally healthier without the drama she was churning up."-ThunderHeavyRains
When Mom Damaged Her
"Had a friend I met pre-kindergarten but had a falling out in middle school. Families knew each other and we were like sisters. But sadly, her mom was a true definition of a Tiger mom. Her mom always pushed my friend to be in all of these extracurricular activities, music lessons, tutoring, etc. Her mom was always dissatisfied; nothing was good enough."
"She wasn't the most nurturing parent. But my parents were the opposite. Especially my mom, she just wanted me to be a good person and do my best. But naturally I was a very good student."
"So my friend's mom would always compare my friend to me saying I was better than her because I was naturally gifted and didn't NEED all of that help. My friend began to resent me."
"Throughout puberty, she would call me a slut because I was physically developing, tried to imply I was ugly just to see my reaction, threatened to punch me, things I understood where they were coming from but did not think were justified as I had not done anything directly to her."
"Final straw was when she posted on Facebook that she thought I was ugly so I just cut her off completely. I pitied her for her family life but her bitterness toward me was wrong. Because through my eyes, she was my best friend and all she wanted to do was hurt me. Don't regret cutting it off"-dookieconductor
The sad truth is that people are not always meant to be close, and that some people are too mentally unhealthy to have any kind of closeness in their lives.
Until they grow up, there is not much we can do but sadly step aside and take care of ourselves.
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Citizens Of The World Speculate How Their Country Would Behave At A Party
Certain personalities show up at almost every party like clockwork.
There's always that person who get's too drunk, someone awkwardly standing in the corner nursing a drink, the person who's not having a good time no matter what and the person babysitting the crowd they came with.
When there's alcohol—or any other substances—and the pressure of a social situation, all sorts of quirks will come out. We wanted to know what people thought their country would act like if they were a person attending a party.
Redditor amotyvukufyd asked:
"All the countries of the world are at a party. What is your country doing?"
Here are some of the best and most hilarious answers.
The United Kingdom is just leaving.
"UK: Leaving."
- TomasNavarro
"Not before slapping the knees and saying 'right.'"
- guido405
"Northern Ireland looks nervously at her sister before putting her sunglasses on and following."
- Casual-Notice
"As an American from the Midwest, we do a 'welp' knee slap. Then sit/stand for another 25 minutes before leaving."
- flyingtubesock
"Then talk in the porch. Then talk in the doorway. Then talk in the driveway. Then talk out the car window."
"'Well anyway.'"
"'Yuh, I guess.'"
"'See you around, I suppose.'"
"'Yuh you bet.'"
"Buzz of the window rolling up."
- Field_Marshall17
Argentina is in the backyard.
"Argentina is either playing football in the backyard with Brazil or aggressively telling whoever's at the grill how to cook a steak."
- thrashingkaiju
"Don't forget, they're also drinking fernet and coke, or even cheap wine and juice, out of a cut off bottle even though there were enough glasses for everyone."
- Unreasonableberry
"While listening to El Potro Rodrigo."
- thrashingkaiju
"For sure we're arguing with Texans over asado."
- Phormitago
"Texas would also totally be there despite not being a country itself."
- Bamboozle_
"Texas showing up to a party where only entire nations are invited is such a Texas thing to do."
- ThirdRook
Greece is making questionable choices.
"I'm Greek so I guess a lot of sex, wine and questionable financial decisions that will ruin us the morning after."
- PKassotis
"At least you have your club of friends who will drive you home when you pass out. My country, Argentina, will spend the night borrowing money. When they finally kick him out, he'll have to walk home, broke and alone. And it will start to rain."
- holeontheground
Poland fighting with Russia, Belarus, and Ukraine.
"Poland. In the corner with Russia, Belarus and Ukraine, drinking vodka and fighting each other. Poland fighting Belarus and Ukraine fighting Russia."
- Connect_Document3277
"With some EU guys walking by with fancy drinks, dropping some concerns."
- MeredithJohns
"And then Russia says 'Oh, you want some too?' And the EU guys turn and walk away."
- Fragrant-Principle20
"Then hours later writes a strongly worded comment to Russia's Facebook page. After spending 8 hours arguing over the exact wording."
- Sufficient_Leg_940
Germany brings the beer.
"I'm German and I'd say Germany would complain about the taste of the beer."
- NoeValleyCutie
"Germany should be bringing the beer. Please don't leave it to America who will bring some watery Coors Light!"
- hora_definitiva
"Wouldn't they discuss politics too?"
- Pizzamampf12
"We so would! I was thinking about what we would do what wasn't absolutely cliché (like bringing the beer). I feel we would not only discuss politics but also rant about it. And other stuff. I feel ranting is really something we like to do. But also Germany would be drinking way too much and be completely fine the next morning..."
- Loona_Moon
India is awkwardly dancing.
"India/that uncle dancing inappropriately in the middle of the dance floor."
- rao1411
"Not gonna lie, they got da best moves though."
- Mihirrrr
"I was gonna say India would be that aunty gossiping about and judging others' outfits/looks, but this one is better."
- aesthetic-freak-108
The USA is just destroying things for fun.
"USA. Chugging beers and trying to smash a foldable table by jumping on it."
- realbruhmoment2
"I think the US would be like a really obnoxious frat dude that's also kinda fun. Like waaaay over the top bragging... but also did bring the weed. Then word gets around that he has a gun on him and it makes everyone uncomfortable, but he says it's just cause Russia and China are packing too."
- whitexknight
"I figure we'd also be the one who obnoxiously insists on 'defending' every girl in the party- whether the girl wants it or not. Lots of 'do you wanna go?' energy, then trying to clean up any mess we make but just doing the absolute worst job of it while staying way, waaay too long after the party is over."
"We'd also get mad at China for stealing our famous brownie recipe even though we asked them to make it for us."
- PlasticElfEars
We aren't sure we want to be invited to that party.
Sounds like there's gonna be a lot of drama.
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Irrespective of men's sexual identity or preference, there are men who hate sports, and there are men who love musical theater. Do participating in either activity make men straight or gay?
"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
Song Choice
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
– KentuckyFriedEel
School Protocol
"Advice I received in high school from other students:"
"Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee."
"When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist."
"Never button the top button of your shirt."
– Gorf_the_Magnificent
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
– SonOfTheShire
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
– captainmagictrousers
Getting Woodwind
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
– Virtual_Caramell
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
Daddy Duty
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
– Bullydaddy
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
– Freshrendar
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
– Caity26
Life Skills
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
– placeholderNull
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
– desrever1138
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
Manly Appetite
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
– BigJiggies
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
– AmigoDelDiabla
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
– patricksaurus
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
– Sargatanus
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
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