You probably at some point have made up some story just to move your life along more quickly. But sometimes these lies can snowball--will you still be able to get away with it? Come and meet some of these masters of the craft.
Here were some of the answers.
The Easy Way OutGiphy
Don't think it's the biggest, but a favorite of mine:
7th Grade English, we have a project to pick any long novel, read it and do an oral book report to the class with a Q&A. I pick The Shining, and had I given it a shot I would have realized it's a page turner, but to 7th grade me it just looks like a long a** book that is not as fun as video games.
The Teacher set aside a few minutes of each class for us to just sit and read our book. Leading up to the deadline, she sees that I haven't read very much, and keeps badgering me that I need to be reading more at home. I keep assuring her that I'm a fast reader, I'll catch up quickly, I'll get it done, etc.
Cut to the day before my presentation: I have read jack sh!t. I, of course, rent the movie instead. I watch it TWICE just to be sure.
I do my presentation, being as vague about the plot as I can get away with, and throw in some BS about my opinions on Stephen King's writing style that I looked up on the internet. I take questions from my classmates, no problem.
But Teacher appears skeptical this whole time. I mean, there is a very popular movie based on this book, and I was not on pace to have any chance at finishing this thing...it doesn't take a genius to be suspicious. And I know we have to end by letting HER ask a question, so I'm a little worried. Finally, I ask her for her question.
Teacher: "Yes, Orange_Kid, I was wondering if you could tell us some of the major differences between the book and the movie."
F*CK! My heart sinks for a just a moment, and then I come up with it:
"I'm sorry, I don't know.....I never saw the movie."
I am terrible at thinking on my feet, so I'm proud of that moment.
The War...It Sucks
I was interviewing for a bunch of exclusive private high schools. During one of my interviews, the lady asked what worldly current events I cared about. I f*cking froze and couldn't think of any news story at all lol. I paused and just said "the war," and BURST out crying uncontrollably because I had nothing else to say on the matter except "it sucks." So I am crying and the lady goes "oh no! sweetheart, do you know someone overseas." And I just nodded and she apologized profusely.
When it came time for my parents to join us in the interview, she told my parents she was sorry about our family member fighting in Iraq. They just looked at her and nodded, didn't say anything, had no idea what she was talking about.
Anyways, this woman fell in love with me and said I was such a uniquely compassionate 13-year-old. She ended up calling me the night we were supposed to tell them if we were attending or not. I felt bad but I ended up somewhere else.
This isn't my biggest lie, but for some reason popped in my head.
BA In Lying
I failed my final year at university but couldn't face the shame of telling my parents. So I told them I passed. They wanted to go to my graduation ceremony so I faked an illness and said I wouldn't be able attend. This was so they wouldn't book flights. Then at the last second I told them I was feeling better and would attend. I got my buddys graduation photo and got my face photoshopped in to his. I sent this to my folks, where they framed it. 15 years later its still on their living room wall.
Obviously I had to re-take the final year but couldn't ask my folks for money. So I just said I was going to stay and look for work whilst I plan my career. Worked my *ss off that summer to save every cent I would need for upcoming year. Got a bank loan and max some credit cards. My final year was really really tough as I had to work evenings and weekends to pay rent, food and tuition. I passed though.
I went to my real graduation ceremony and felt really sad I couldn't tell my parents they could attend as I didn't want to tell them I lied.
Not biggest, but most amusing.
My wife and I were in Mexico, stopped at a convenience store to get some snacks and stuff. The clerk told her how much it was, in Spanish. My wife looked confused for a moment, so I repeated the total for her in English.
I could tell it made an impression on her. For a long time after, when talking about foreign language she would tell people how quickly I pick up on it when travelling. I know this was when she first formed that opinion.
I've never told her, I read the number on the cash register.
A 4 Year GapGiphy
There is a social circle I am in that all think I am 4 years older than I am. It originated as a way for underage me to get a drink in a bar, and well I never exposed the truth. So now a couple dozen friends and even a couple short lived girlfriends all think that I am exactly 4 years older than I am.
I have been to birthdays, engagement parties, and even a wedding with these people. I still regularly go out to get drinks with this group. We play some sports together, we watch a lot of movies, we have good times and bad.
But my life has this big 4 year gap in it that, through years of stories and questions, has become a false period. Effectively I took two parts of my life and expanded them to make the dates add up. I lived in Brazil before college, but to this group that was three years instead of one. And I lived in New Zealand after college, but again, one year becomes three. False dates for graduations, and different steps in life have been a little hard to keep track of, but I manage.
Honestly I only don't tell them because of how long it has been. Plenty of these people are younger than I claim to be, but I fear the awkwardness of exposing a lie they have believed for years.
I told my English class in grade 9 or 10 that I had tried out for American Idol, even though i'm Canadian. I was home sick the day of the tryouts, so I had a pretty good set up I thought.
One of the guys called me on my shit, asked me to bring in my "paper number" the thing that the contestants wear on their shirt to give them an "ID number"
My dad used to do bike races, he had a bunch of those things, I cut off the top that said "British Columbia Racing" or something like that and brought that in, the guy was flabbergasted.
My teacher then asked me what song I sung, So I said "I just wanted to get on TV so I sung the Pokemon Theme song!"
Teacher then wanted me to sing it, but I said I was too shy.
No one ever asked me about it again.
Sorry Brian, you got me, you deserve to know.
My best friend has a funny, cool older brother named Jason. We all went to church together and eventually me and my buddy got old enough for youth group where Jason was.
Well the first time I ever met my youth pastor, Jason turns to me and says "hey make up a fake name and just roll with it"... The youth pastor was similar to Jason in that they both were big jokesters so I shook his hand and said "Hi, I'm Derick Johnson" (possibly one of y'alls name out there, but not my real name). He welcomed me and then left to prepare his lesson. Obviously me and my buddies lose it and burst out laughing as soon as he walks away.
Soon enough he starts his lesson and I'm waiting until after to tell him I'm not Derick Johnson. Well as I'm about to break the news, Jason stops me and convinces me to keep it going. Says it'll fade out eventually.
It did not. We got super into it and eventually it became natural. 2 entire years spent of conditioning myself to only respond to "Derick" when called by people at church and my real name everywhere else. We would go on a bunch of field trips to various places including Disney where my ticket even said Derick Johnson on it.
One day we were paint balling and me and my pastor began talking about life. He asked what my dad does for a living and I talked about the software distribution company he works for. Apparently 25 years ago my youth pastor ALSO worked for the same company... and sat next to my dad who he plays golf with regularly.
That was quite a moment to get caught in haha
Secret Self Help
A couple years ago I started seeing a therapist I didn't want my parents to know about. I was 18 so I didn't need them to sign on, and I paid out of pocket with money from a part time job I had. My brother and I shared a car but since he was at college out of town it was effectively mine, and I used it to get to my therapist's office.
I went to my appointments at the same time every week and told my mom that I was going out with some friends for bingo night at a local pizza parlor. Since I actually did have a history of going out to play board games with friends this didn't raise any suspicion.
One day about a month into this I walk out of my appointment to see my mom's car parked next to mine. I think 'fuck it's over now I gotta tell her' and walk over. She's standing by her car when I walk over, I'm not sure if she saw me come out of the building but I think she must have.
She said something to the effect of "what are you doing here?" I said something like "uh" and she goes "did you come out here to be alone?" So I just went with it; put on a sheepish face and said something like "yeah, pretty much". She says "yeah I come out here too when I need to cry sometimes" I didn't know what to say to that so I gave her a hug, drove off to run some other errands, then went home.
She never brought it up again, and I continued seeing that therapist for 7 months with no one the wiser. I have no idea how my mom didn't pick up on it then, writing this I wonder if maybe she did she just didn't want to confront me about it or something. But then again I doubt it, my Mom can be pretty oblivious. Still, for those 8 months no one knew I was seeing anyone or (from what I know) suspected anything.
High School Illuminati
In high school, I convinced some of my younger friends (I was a junior, they were freshmen) that our high school had a secret society/club. I got some of my friends my age in on it too. It started out as a practical joke, but they believed me hook line and sinker so I went further. I created email addresses, a constitution for the club, and a crest. Then we actually started having meetings. Anyways, I'm in college now and my high school now has a secret society that my freshmen (now senior) friends are running.
All For A LieGiphy
My first year walking to school alone was the 7th grade and I was late a lot. It got to a point that the teachers told me I would have to do all the days chores(putting chairs down in the morning, wiping boards clean, cleaning after lunch, putting away chairs and supplies etc), if I was late again.
Well the next day I was running late as usual. Being a lazy SOB that I am, I knew I had to do something to get out of doing the daily chores. So when the teacher asked me why I was late, I thought back on the assembly we had a few weeks prior on school safety. So I told the teacher that a strange man pulled up to me when I was coming into school grounds and asked me to come with him to see some puppies.
I honestly thought that would be a good enough excuse and it would be the end of it. F*cking, NOPE. School was suspended for the rest of the day, police were called, and my parents were called in. I was interviewed for the entire day, Had to describe the man, the car, everything. They ended up hiring a security officer for the grounds because of that incident and put in a few new cameras. We had quarterly school assemblies because of it too.
And it was all for nothing. Because less than a week later I was late again and had to do all the daily chores.
No two people react the same way to a pungent odor, gratuitous violence in film and television, or unruly, off-putting behavior.
As some people have a fairly high tolerance for gore, aren't bothered by taste and smell, and are so patient that they simply aren't bothered by anyone.
Although, everyone has their limits.
And despite what they might say, there are very few people who don't have one thing which even the very thought of will make them gag, just a little bit.
"What genuinely disgusts you?"
Do They Think It Will Just Vanish?
"People not flushing their poop or pee in public toilets."- Acceptable_Fee_1280
"It was that hard to pull the little lever down?"- Scotsgit73
Always Carry Mints...
"Another person's hot breath in my face."
"For any reason."- MaryEstradaGTNickelodeon Bad Breath GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy
"People who abuse their pets."- roseteaXx
Being Tricked Into Purchases...
"Ads with a fake close button that just redirect you to the link, particularly pop-up ads."
"I forgot about the mobile game ads with fake mini games that redirect you to the App Store."
"Those might be even worse."- Tyler_Martin1
Cleaning Comes At A Price...
"The goo in the sink drain once you’ve done the dishes."
"Touching this to clean the sink is always a gut-wrenching, vomit-inducing moment."- meiliraijow
Men Marking Their Territory...
"Sitting on a toilet seat with pee on it."- KAWAiiANGXL
We All Do It... Doesn't Make It Any Less Gross...
I Mean, COME ON!
"Just hang onto your sh*t for two minutes and put it in a bin instead of just throwing it on the ground."- ElmerWolfeLOdriving eric cartman GIF by South Park Giphy
No Matter The Package, Always Bad For You!
"Carrying around a bottle of your own brown cloudy spit that smells like absolute death just skeeves me out on a level I can barely even describe."
"Bonus points if you're the douche who leaves the spit bottles or cups for other people to clean up."- Porn_is_my_bae
We all have our limits.
But even if you aren't wholeheartedly repulsed by any or all of these things, that still doesn't mean you should tolerate it!
How else will people learn to stop?
It's rare for a day to go by where women don't, quite understandably, complain about the annoying, even misogynistic behavior of men.
Addiction to video games, poor hygiene, too much excitement over a football or basketball game, bad table manners.
The list goes on and on.
But men don't only annoy women with their behavior.
Indeed, plenty of other men get equally annoyed or revolted by certain stereotypically "male" behavior, and wish it would come to an end.
"Men of Reddit, what is something you wish other men would stop doing?"
Taking Others Down To Bring Themselves Up
"Insulting their friends to look cool in front of a girl."- SuvenPan
Always Needing To Be The "Tough Guy"
"I wish y’all would stop trying to be Mr. tough arrogant guy when an attractive women is in your presence."- Relevant-Quality2196·
It's Just Basic Hygeine!
"Not washing hands after using public bathrooms."- truetrusterWash Hands Reaction GIF by Leroy PattersonGiphy
Women Are Not Property!
"Stop hitting on other dudes' girlfriend."
"Some guys take it as a challenge and it’s pretty f*cked up."- Blowmansalad·
"Being overly horny and hitting on women non stop who clearly are uncomfortable."
"It’s hard to watch."- cgollin34
Learn Some Manners!
"That thing where a girl turns you down so you suddenly call her an ugly b*tch."
"It’s really not hard to NOT be a rude piece of sh*t, and it makes you sound pathetic."
"Have some respect and imagine your grandmother could hear you."- leastlyharmfulSeason 3 Episode 13 GIF by Parks and RecreationGiphy
What Are You Trying To Prove, Exactly?
"Acting overly manly and not smiling, like chill man I’m not trying to pee on your territory."- incognitoburrito2022
"Stop approaching women in grocery store parking lots! "
"My girlfriend mentions that guys, often way older guys, will try to talk to her and ask her out while she’s carrying groceries."
"She’s had to stop wearing headphones because guys will follow her trying to get her attention."
"The worst was a guy who knocked on her window when she was sitting in her car."
"Nobody taught me, a normal dude, how not to be creepy."
"Where the hell did you guys learn to do this?"- UptownShenanigans
Not Fooling Anyone
"Joining MLMs and being really vague about what they do."
"I don’t want an exclusive chance to gain you as a mentor, I sat next to you in pre-algebra and know that the concept of math escapes you."
"Also stop renting luxury vehicles for a weekend and pretending you 'made it'."
"Maybe I’m just a hater but if your whole plan is to not just fake it till you make it but to 'flex' till you make it then I’m not interested in whatever opportunity you’re trying to sell me."- Exact_Thought_185
Its Sexual Assault. STOP IT!
"The unwarranted peen pics need to stop."- Ratakoa
When other "bros" are so openly put off by "bro" culture, maybe that means it's time has passed?
But seriously, did anyone find "bro" culture attractive?
After all, were we laughing with the boys of the American Pie films, or laughing at them...
Successful people who come from humble beginnings usually don't forget where they came from.
But some of those who were already born into privilege and wealth may claim to be compassionate towards people who are financially disadvantaged.
But unless they've lived the experience as someone from the lower class or have a deep understanding of what life is like on the other side, the wealthy will never understand what it's like to be poor.
Curious to hear about interactinos with the affluent from strangers online, Redditor Salazard260 asked:
"Poor people of reddit, what's the most comically out of touch 'advice' you've been given by someone wealthier?"
When it comes to working normal jobs, rich people just don't understand.
Easier Said Than Done
"A mom to my mom, a single mother with three kids: 'you should just stop working if you are so stressed about it.'"
"Sounds like a psychologist I went and saw once, spent the hour talking about how much pressure I felt being the sole source of income in the house, to be told 'sounds like your job is stressing you out, you should quit!' When I asked how I’d pay the bills his response was 'I can help you apply for a new job, I’m really good at job applications, I’ve got every job I applied for! - yeah mate I don’t think that’s going to help. Never went back."
"Not really advice, but one of my high school friends came from a rich family. But because he wasn't really that motivated in life, his parents encouraged him to find a summer job."
"He was going to go job-hunting at the mall, working in retail. I asked him how much he wanted to earn. He said, 'Not too much. $40 per hour should be a good start.' This was in the early 2000s."
"It reminds me of the Arrested Development scene where Lucille thinks a banana costs $10."
When it comes to renting an apartment, these are not the people who should be weighing in with their thoughts to help.
Clueless About Rent
"I had a boss at the time tell me it cant be more than 800 bucks for rent in the DC area when I asked for a pay raise. The minimum rent I could find at the time was closer to 1800."
Let's Start With Step 1
"That I need to buy several apartments and rent them out. Unfortunately, he did not tell me where to get money to buy several apartments."
When it comes to family and financials, we're all not the same.
That's Not How That Works
"I remember when I was at high school and I mentioned to someone that I'd like a gaming PC but couldn't afford it, he said 'can you not just ask your parents for the money?'"
"I said no because there was nothing left over after bills and groceries."
"Yeah, but if you ask realllllyyyyy nicely, couldn't they give you the money?"
"Like what goddamn money? The money for the food we eat? The money for our electricity bill? Sure, no doubt my family are happy to suffer just so I can have a piece of tech I don't need."
Ignorance Is Bliss
"I had a friend like that and one time pulled out a pen and paper and did my family's financials roughly in front of them. I showed income, taxes, utilities, insurance, groceries, gas, car payments, loan payments, etc and then showed how little was left over and then said that some of that needs to go into savings/retirement just in case. I then asked them 'so where is that money I ask my parents for coming from?'"
"He sat there dumbfounded for a bit, I think one: that I knew all this off the top of my head (the recession made me hyper aware of financials) and two: it started sink in how ignorant he was about money in general, and how good he had it. He wasn't a bad dude, and wasn't one of those who thinks money was infinite, but I guess didn't realize how much 100 bucks was to a lot of people."
The Other Way Around
"'Just have your parents give you the money'.... B*tch, I support my parents."
Going Nowhere Fast
"I had a buddy in college that asked me to drive him to the next town over. He had a car but his parents said he was spending to much in the gas card. His solution was to bum a ride but told me it wasn’t fair for him to pay me for gas out of his allowance because I had a job."
"I’m still stunned by the mental gymnastics that dude went through to justify his behavior."
"After dumping me my long-tine girlfriend would occasionally reach out with her crazy rants."
"One of them was I should just dump my parents somewhere, as in literally dropping them off on some corner, and let them fend for themselves."
"I dodged a rocket not marrying her."
The rich could afford many luxuries that are unattainable for the rest of us, and good for them.
But when it comes to offering any kind of wisdom or suggestion to improve our financial standing in life, money can't buy them respect when they are completely out of touch.
There's a fairly common formula in movies geared toward a teenage audience.
A group of teenagers face one central conflict, to varying degrees of importance and severity, but manage to solve it in a surprisingly short manner of time.
The heroes of these films are usually a hodgepodge of traditional high school archetypes (star athlete, math nerd, girl whose beauty is disguised by a pair of glasses), all of whom the intended audience can completely relate to and root for.
And then we have the adult characters, who are often buffoonish stereotypes, or the outright villain, whose sole mission is to ensure the protagonist will not achieve their ultimate goal.
As teenagers, we often find ourselves ready to boo these grown-ups from the minute they appear on the screen.
But when we revisit these movies as adults, we find ourselves noticing that their behavior isn't quite as bad as we remembered.
Or, more shockingly, we actually find ourselves rooting for them!
"What teen movie is the epitome of 'the older I get, the more I agree with the adult?'"
The Teacher Was Right All Along...
"Rewatching 'Scrubs', I realize I’m no longer a JD., I’ve become a Cox."- RenegadeRinker
They Were Just Being Protective!
"I watched 'Sixteen Candles' recently and I now do not approve of Samantha going anywhere near Jake Ryan."-goblininstigator
All It Takes Is A Little Perspective
"Sadly, 'The Wonder Years'."
"I always couldn’t believe the dad was real, with his pissed off attitude from work."
"Now I understand."- hashnThe Wonder Years Thumbs Down GIFGiphy
Nothing Wrong With A Little Precision And Order!
"The movie 'Juno'."
"Jennifer Garner's character is at first portrayed as a 'square', then you realize she's a mature adult and her husband is a man-baby."- DaveFarted
Add It Up, The Wedding Cost Nearly $150,00!
"Not a teen movie, but 'Father of the Bride'."
"Watching it as a kid, Steve Martin seemed like an old grump."
"Rewatching it as an adult, holy sh*t he is the only sane person in that movie."- DrOctopusMD
It Was Literally His Job To Protect Them!
"'The Lion King'."
"Oh I thought Zazu was just an old fun-killer."
"What do you mean, Simba can't be king?"
"Why would you prevent the kids from going where they want?"
"As an adult and father, I'm 100% Team Zazu."- Oneiric86the lion king GIF by DisneyGiphy
Seriously, Would Your Dad Have Been So Cool About It?...
"As a new father, I hope to be like Jim’s dad when my little one is a teenager."
"Caring, loving and a complete embarrassment to them."- BanjoPhatterson
It's A Parent's Job To Worry.
"The mom in 'Ice Princess'."
"So you have a daughter who has a talent for and seems to like physics and has a shot of getting into Harvard."
"This girl throws it away for ice skating where she has only been competing for less than a year, where if she gets injured she's done and when she reaches 30 she's pretty much done."
"There is no way she is at an olympic level at that point she would need years of training! "
"Hell yes I would advise against it to!"- testmonkey254
Always Be Respectful Of Your Roommate!
"Goob, 'Meet the Robinsons'."- beepboop232Meet The Robinsons Google GIFGiphy
People Are Complicated
"He’s just trying to do something right and being a good dad."- LukeLJS123
As teens we're inclined to revolt from our parents and teachers, or even be revolted by them.
But the older we get, the more we understand that nine times out of ten, they were just looking out for us.
Just as we realize that Mr. Hall of Clueless was being pretty generous giving a C to a student who didn't seem to know how to pronounce "Haitian"...