Nobody really teaches you about sex. You sort of just dive in headfirst and hope for the best.
Unfortunately, this strategy works about as well as you'd expect it to. Sometimes, things are fine. Rarely, things are good.
Most often, things went horribly, horribly wrong.
u/owenja104 asked:
What went horribly wrong during your first time having sex?
Here were some of those answers.
Upchuck To I Do
I took off my bra and he was so overwhelmed that he vomited.
We're now married.
Thank You Noise!
Bomb went off.
First I had a heck of a time getting condom on and by the time I figured it out a bomb went off outside. A legit bomb that was super loud. I find out later that some kids from my high school were messing around and put a works bomb* in a neighbor of mine's (a girl from said high school) mailbox. Like the loudest noise ever. My parents were upstairs asleep - and there's no way anyone could sleep through that... so we panic-dressed and sure enough everyone woke up, the cops showed up at the neighbor's, and my v-card stayed intact for another year.
Bump Bump Bump Bump
We were dumb enough to lay bare naked in the woods. 43 mosquito bites later (I did count) and yeah, not my proudest moment.
Soldiering On Through
Proceeding to have sex on the floor, hitting the night stand, and having a picture frame hit her in the face and her starting to gush blood. Thankfully, it didn't kill the mood entirely.
A Series Of Unfortunate Events
I only pulled her pants down to her knees and got in missionary position. I told her to raise her legs up and it made me do a somersault on her face. It also broke her glasses.
Later we finally had sex and her bed had like a foot board that had little wooden bars in the middle. She kept pressing them with her feet -- one of the bars shot across the room and cracked a window.
The Getaway
It was at a summer camp that used the dorms at a local university, guys in one building, girls in another but I was local and stayed at home so my parents wouldn't have to pay the extra housing cost. We had been fooling around during the day, and she suggested I come back in before curfew when they kicked out all the members of the opposite sex. She had one of those raised dorm beds, maybe three feet high so you could put drawers underneath or whatever. So room checks start happening so I hide under the bed then her and her roommate hang a blanket over the edge of the bed so it reaches all the way to the ground and her and the roommate sit and just watch a movie on a laptop while I hid Anne Frank style. Finally lights go out and she comes down and joins me under the bed. I really tried my best but did absolutely horrible, I must have hit my head three times and with the roommate in the room and knowing this girl was... experienced... I just finally tried to fake it. Unfortunately I'm pretty sure she was very aware.
So I slowly open the door and oak outside and there are two counselors doing rounds down the halls (four story building with the camp kids on the middle two floors). I time it as one counselor is walking upstairs and the other is walking away from me and the stairwell. I successfully make it to the stairs and head down only to find its an emergency exit with the "alarm will sound" sign. I get ready to head back up but then I hear somebody enter the stairwell on the second floor and start to head down.
I immediately bolt through the door, the alarm starts going off, I hear yelling behind me but I just keep running. I realize they'd probably expect someone running towards a car in the front parking lot to be the culprit so I instead head for the field nearby and dive into a ditch. Spend the next two hours watching all the inhabitants of the dorm come outside for roll call, local fire department comes, campus police comes, even a local police officer.
So yeah, that was my first time.
Something Definitely Shook
Not horribly wrong, but it was in the backseat of my dad's Chrysler LaBaron GT Turbo, and we made a stain that lasted until he sold the car. I told him I spilled a milkshake and would always see that stain and remember the act fondly.
Parental Tinges Of Guilt
It was a school night and I was around at her's. My mum was due to pick me up at 22:30. We started shagging at around 22:10 and as soon as it hit 10:20 I began to worry I won't be done in time. 22:40 hit and I just kept thinking how angry she's going to be after waiting outside. Finished just before 23:00. So I spent the majority of my first shag thinking about my mum.
Polly Got It
So she had a parrot, who was (/is because i still follow her on instagram and she still posts him) her best friend. she LOVED this bird. So much so, she never covered his cage. ever, even at night. He slept when she slept and whatnot. This bird (african grey) is ridiculously smart and this thing knew colours, shapes, body parts, people's names and all of that.
It had met me before, but this time her parents and brother were out so it was just her and this bird. got there and nearly 30 seconds after walking into her bedroom i closed the door and we started kissing like you do. Carrying on, i took off my pants only after being at her house for less than 3 minutes.
As soon as i took of my pants, the bird started talking about my butt. The entire time, with the 1975's first album playing on shuffle in the background from her phone, this bird was talking about my butt. The entire time her and i were laughing our butts off (no pun intended) and overall i wouldn't have it any other way.
We broke up about 5 months later for different reasons and since we're still on good terms we still occasionally talk, about life and stuff. I hope her and the parrot are doing well right now.
Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "" to +1 (310) 299-9390 to talk him about it.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.