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People change over time, and so can friendships. Whether because one friend does some serious self reflection and grows as a person, or because they take a good look at their friends and realize maybe they're not so friendly after all, sometimes friendships end.


Reddit user u/tomatohampster asked:

"People who have had toxic friends, what made you realize they were toxic?"


20.

She always came to me looking for a shoulder to cry on when she needed. I offered the shoulder, too. I only realized she was toxic to me when I never was given a shoulder to cry on in return.

-lonelywithdignity

19.

When you realize you'd rather spend time alone, than with them.

-Twitty

18.

How much drama they always seem to get in and get confused of how they got there while continuing to do the same things that got them there .-.

-queenofpsych

17.

i've had a couple. my ex-best friend would be an absolute douche to me every day and it took for him to kill the friendship (blocking me on everything) because i upset him ONCE to realize i'm better off. my other best friend got mad at me for driving a drunk friend home because they had history, even though I literally only drove him home so we are no longer speaking. i keep attracting & trusting toxic people so please i need me a non-toxic friend.

-Jill

16.

When they only wanted me around to help them with no care for me

-treinert

Yes! Those friends who only message you when they need something

-Kqtiewilson1803

15.

Thought i had leukemia or lymphoma, during a diagnosis period when i got really sick at one point in junior/senior of highschool. Waiting on test results she told me that my "situation was too negative" and she "couldn't handle being my friend right now". Alright, you do you, I guess... so we haven't spoken in 4+ years.

Turns out I have an autoimmune condition which only rears up every few years right now, if under a lot of physical trauma, poor health or extremely high emotional stress... and not cancer, but going through those couple of weeks without anyone close to me really sucked...

-NeonNintendo

14.

When they get drunk and disrespectful. Then apologise profusely when you tell them what they did, then go right ahead and get drunk again and continue to act like a tool. Rinse and repeat. It gets old fast.

-gloogle11

13.

When I realised the relationship was 90% effort from me. From organizing hang outs, to emotional support. She went through a lot of tough times and I was always there to be a supportive shoulder. I was one of the only friends of hers that went to her dad's memorial. I opened my home to her. Stayed up all night for her.

But she was obsessed with this group of friends she had who were a few years older than us and very alternative. She loved the scene and was so proud to have friends who were like 25. Thought it made her so mature. I had friends around that age as well but I never once bragged about them the way she did.
The last straw was when she ragged on me and another friend for being too "normal looking". Said we wouldn't understand what is was like to be judged the moment people saw us.

This beautiful white girl telling two brown girls who lived in a 90% white neighborhood that they'll never know what it's like to be judged upon appearances. :) That's when I realised she did not have a single ounce of empathy for me in her body.

-Hoooooboi

12.

Me: "You want to go to X?

"Friend": "Sure"

A few days later

"Friend": "I can't go to X, I'm hanging out with my other friends."

Me: "Next week?"

"Friend": "Sure."

Repeat

If I'm repeatedly being traded out for someone's "better friends", inconvenienced because I rearranged my schedule to make time for something that got canceled, and being met with a completely unapologetic attitude whenever I get pushed aside; then I'm not really a friend. At this point, it's rude for this "friend" to even act like I'm a friend because it'd save me time and effort to just be told to get lost.

-TheBlackNumenorean

11.

They asked for a ride someplace. I declined. Haven't heard back from them in twenty years. Screw you, Patrick.

-adenium

10.

So we meet sometimes, but when they cancel the hangout session, I actually feel relieved instead of bad.

-chutiyamadarchod

9.

When I had cancer and one wrote me a letter when she was mad at me stating "it's fine though, since you're dying soon."

-debaserw

"Your lupus is not an excuse to not do my makeup and drive me to my date."

Her date. With my (recent) ex. When I was in the hospital on morphine.

I'm sorry that happened to you. Sometimes, it takes being in your darkest place to realize your friend will never hold a flashlight for you.

-Mondayslasagna

8.

Trying to learn about my own negative traits and then recognizing some of that in others I was close to. In some cases I found that with the removal from that social environment my own traits started to dissolve. a lot of the older friendships i had were built off commodity and accessibility being in a different mental state i started improving myself, I'd never go back and if i see the warning signs in people I keep my distance.

-ukiyozen

7.

Going off on me in drunken rages, apologizing, then doing it again... And again... And again. When I finally was like, screw this, she was like "How dare you not forgive someone when they have a bad day!" Also: mean-spirited "jokes", always letting me pick up the bill, general negativity, feeling worse when in their presence, then away from them.

-Aim1234

6.

She tried to make me choose between my parents and her after they fired her for stealing from them.

-ValiantlyCaustic

trying to make someone choose is the best way not to get chosen

-Broship_Rajor

5.

They were really crappy to a mutual friend. Nice to his face but horrible behind his back and silently pushed him out of our circle of friends. Realised they weren't nice people

-TLMoss

4.

They always had something negative to say about anyone's achievements. Their personal insecurities were draining because it oozed so much resentment.

-tinynancers

3.

When they accused me of things that I never did. When I realized that I had to walk on eggshells around them lest they blow up at me with their temper. When they began projecting their own faults onto me and others with no self awareness that all of these horrible names applied to them.

-JacobBlah

2.

Both kneecaps broken. Having a godawful time walking around the house. "Best friend" was willing to come pick me up (haven't seen her in forever but was staying with my mom) to go to her house. As soon as I said I hurt too bad to brave the stairs straight legged she said if she didn't have anything better to do she may come see me. Never came to see me.

I could've died in the wreck I was in and she'd been putting off visiting me for six months. I called her out and somehow it was my fault and I was being selfish. Personal attacks on me and she missed the point that she literally CHOSE not to come IN THIS ONE INSTANCE WHEN SHE SAID SHE WOULD. the wreck changed my perspective and I realized, it's in fact not my fault. Haven't contacted her since.

-diabetomaximus

1.

This was my ex-best friend. We were in our late 30s when this toxicity played out. My dad died after 6 months of terminal illness. And she got all angry when I wasn't replying to her enough, and even got in touch bugging my grieving mum. It's not that she was worried about me not replying because I was mentally unwell, it was because her ego was upset I wasn't giving her enough attention. So yeah, no longer friends. I found out her true colours in my darkest hours (as my 11 yr marriage had ended 1.5wks before my dad died).

She lost her dad when she was a kid, and her father in law had died after terminal illness a few years before mine did - so she know what's it can be like but no, my pain was all about her. A tough lesson to go through but better off without her in my life.

Screw you Karen (she actually was a real Karen)

-PeaceLoveVeganSuzy

Image by Anemone123 from Pixabay

Life is hard. It's a miracle to make it through with some semblance of sanity. We are all plagued by grief and trauma. More and more people of all backgrounds are opening up about personal trauma and its origins. Finally! For far too long we've been too silent on this topic. And with so many people unable to afford mental health care, the outcomes can be damaging.

All of our childhoods have ups and downs and memories that can play out like nightmares. We carry that, or it follows us and the first step in recovery is talking about it. So who feels strong enough to speak?

Redditor u/nthn_thms wanted to see who was willing to share about things they'd probably rather forget, by asking:

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Image by klimkin from Pixabay

Being single can be fun. In fact, in this time of COVID, being single can save lives. But the heart is a fickle creature.

And being alone can really suck in times of turmoil. None of us are perfect and it feels like that's all anyone is looking for... perfect.

Now that doesn't mean that all of us are making it difficult to partner up. Sure, some people are too picky and mean-spirited, but some of the rest of us are crazy and too much to handle. So one has to be sure.

The truth is, being single is confusing, no matter how much we try to match. So let's try to understand...

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Whether you're an at home parent, a college student just leaving the nest, or a Food Network junkie, there are a few basic tips that everyone should know.

Chef's gave us some of their top tips for amateurs and beginner at home cooks that will really make a difference. They are trained professionals with years of experience in the kitchen, so they definitely know what we're all missing.

If you're looking to improve some of your cooking skills and techniques, but you're still learning how to boil water correctly, this list is for you.

Redditor BigBadWolf44 wanted in on the secrets and asked:

"Chefs of Reddit, what's one rule of cooking amateurs need to know?"

Let's learn from the masters!


What a common mistake!

"A lot of the time when people add salt to a dish because they think it tastes flat, what it really needs is an acid like lemon juice or vinegar."

- Vexvertigo

"Instructions unclear I drugged my dinner party guests and now they're high on acid."

- itsyoboi_human

"Yes! Or tomatoes. They're pretty acidic too and go with so many things. Our dinners are so much better once the garden tomatoes are ripe. Or if a dish is too acidic, oil/butter or a little sugar can help add balance to it."

- darkhorse85

"Like tomato and eggs. Every Chinese mom makes those slightly differently and I haven't had a tomato egg dish I didn't like yet."

- random314

"There's a book called 'Salt Fat Acid Heat' that comes highly recommended to amateur cooks."

- Osolemia

"Reading even just the first chapter about salt made a lot of food I cooked immediately better, because I finally understood salt wasn't just that thing that sat on the dinner table that you applied after the meal was cooked."

- VaultBoy42

"Salt is important for sweets. A batch of cookies without that little hint of salt doesn't taste quite right."

- Osolemia

Unfortunately, this tip might not be accessible to everyone. Many people who contracted COVID can no longer use their sense of smell the way they used to.

"Have a friend that lost his smell from COVID, and now he only recognizes if food is salty, sweet, sour or bitter."

- AlphaLaufert99

"Just wait until he gets his sense of smell back and a ton of foods smell like ammonia or literal garbage now. Yeah, that's fun... It's been 7 months for f*cks sake just let me enjoy peanut butter again!!!!!!!!!"

- MirzaAbdullahKhan

You can't take back what you've already put in.

"You can always add, but you cannot take away."

- El_Duende666

"I find people's problems usually are they're too scared to add rather than they add too much."

- FreeReflection25

"I see you also grew up white in the mid-west."

- Snatch_Pastry

Safety first!

"Not really a cooking tip, but a law of the kitchen: A falling knife has no handle."

- wooddog

"I'm always so proud of my reflexes for not kicking in when I fumble a knife."

"If I drop anything else, my stupid hands are all over themselves trying to catch it (and often failing). But with a knife the hardwired automatic reaction is jump back immediately. Fingers out of the way, feet out of the way, everything out of the way. Good lookin out, cerebellum!"

- sonyka

"Speaking of KICKING in. On first full time cooking job I had a knife spin and fall off the counter. My (stupid) reflex was to put my foot under it like a damn hacky sack to keep it from hitting the ground. Went through the shoe, somehow between my toes, into the sole somehow without cutting me. Lessons learned: (1) let it fall; (2) never set a knife down close to the edge or with the handle sticking out; (3) hacky sack is not nearly as cool as it could be."

- AdjNounNumbers

"Similarly, NEVER put out a grease or oil fire with water. Smother with a lid or dump baking soda in there (do not use flour, as it can combust in the air making things worse)."

- Metallic_Substance

How else will you know it tastes good?

"Taste the food."

- OAKRAIDER64

"Also don't be afraid to poke and prod at it. I feel like people think the process is sacred and you can't shape/flip/feel/touch things while you cook them. The more you are hands on, the more control you have."

"No, this does not include situations where you are trying to sear something. Ever try flipping a chicken thigh early? That's how you rip a chunk out of it and leave it glued to the pan until it's burnt."

- Kryzm

Here's one just for laughs.

"When you grab a pair of tongs, click them a few times to make sure they are tongs."

- Kolshdaddy

"People really overlook this one. You've gotta tong the tongs a minimum of 3 times to make sure they tong, or else it can ruin the whole dish."

- BigTimeBobbyB

If you're looking to get into cooking or to improve you technique, pay attention to these few tips.

Salt generously, add an acid to brighten things up, and don't forget to taste your food!

If all else fails, you can always order take out.

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

Victoria_Borodinova/Pixaba

As part of the learning process, children often do embarrassing things before they learn a little more about the world and all the different implications therein. While the inappropriate moment is usually minor and ends in laugher some instances are truly mortifying.

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