Ok, before I get into this article, I have to reference that old Twilight Zone episode where Burgess Meredith is the last man on Earth. No one would let him read, so now he's super stoked because he has “time enough at last" to read every single book. But then....his glasses break.
“It's not fair. There was time now."
Super depressing! Sadly, for four-eyed nerds like myself, everything we do relies on whether or not we have our glasses. Personally, I can't stand contacts, so if I don't have glasses on my face every waking hour, I'm screwed.
Here are a few more people who experience what myself and Burgess Meredith go through on a daily basis.
I think the biggest glasses breakers are children by far. But they break sh*t all the time, so that’s not surprising.
Bye bye glasses.
Don't laugh, but.
Okay, you're going to laugh, and almost 20 years later I can handle it, but I couldn't have handled it for the first year or two.
At a birthday party in middle school I was trying to be festive so I tied balloons to my glasses and they floated away and were gone forever.
I was at the beach and buried my glasses so that I could find them later as hidden treasure. Turns out using palm trees as landmarks is a bad idea, especially if you can't see.
If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.justin long dodgeball GIF by 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment Giphy
I was in like 5th grade. We were playing dodgeball. I took a shot in the face that sent my glasses flying and we had to pause the game so I could get one of the lenses popped back into the frame. Play resumes. Like two minutes later, boimpf, face shot again from the same kid, who probably needed glasses himself, now that I think about it.
Our gym teacher stopped the whole game and made us go inside and sit down, and the whole class was like "good job, Acrollo," and I'm there with a bloody nose and busted glasses and I'm like "how is it my fault some other dumdum can't get his throws below chest level?"
Nowadays I still wear glasses, and I have two boys under 3, so my glasses are constantly smudged because my kids are adventurous and kinda handsy-in-the-facey when you're down on their level. Seriously considering Lasik at this point.
I was a dumb middle schooler. I'd not been wearing glasses for long, probably only 2 years at that point. I had these super neat glasses that were supposedly "kid-resistant" and they had flexible metal so that you could bend them at the nosepiece and they wouldn't break.
I started showing them off, twisting the glasses around and locking them into themselves, like twisting them as far as they could go. After a certain amount of time that I don't remember because this was about 20 years ago, they'd finally had enough and snapped, right in the middle of the nosepiece.
It was not a fun time when I got home from school that day. My mom was livid.
It isn’t always our fault though. Sometimes we just have really crappy friends/family members/partners.
I hope you replaced the friend too.
I watched them shatter on concrete because of friend of mine wanted to see how bad my eyes were. Instead of accepting NO as a logical response, she yanked them off my face, they went flying, and ended up in a thousand pieces. I’m near sighted and need my glasses to drive. Needless to say, I picked up my car a few days after I got replacements.
At least the fish can see now.Water Walking GIF by Cezar Iliescu Giphy
I was out on a boat fishing with my ex Father-in-Law when he flipped his pole to cast out his line and the hook caught my glasses and flipped them 20 feet from the boat into 150 feet of water. The worst part was watching them sink to the bottom of the lake on the damn fish finder screen!
So, this happened to a friend of mine. She wears glasses and had only one pair as she'd broken a pair a week prior to this incident (this will become important later).
So she had brought a guy home and he took her glasses off and put them on the bed just as things were getting hot and heavy. As they laid down, forgetting the glasses were on the bed, they crushed her glasses and got plastic digging into them.
She had no glasses and had to get an emergency prescription for the world's ugliest glasses which basically meant instead of a walk of shame, she wore the glasses of shame.
But most of the time, it just ends up being a freak accident.
I'm pagan and so I do ceremonies pretty often with candles. During one particular ceremony I took off my glasses and placed them next to the candle to pray not even thinking about it. Once I was done with my prayer (thankfully a short one) I looked on my alter to see my new glasses were on fire and melting plastic all over. It was the part that wrapped around my ear so I could still wear them until I got a new pair next year.
Super glue is no joke.Stay On 90 Day Fiance GIF by TLC Giphy
I used Super Glue to do an on-the-fly repair of a crack in the frame above the lens. I didn't wait long enough before putting my glasses back on because I was already late for an important client meeting. The Super Glue bonded my glasses to my eyebrow. In the process of remedying this humiliating fiasco, I ended up yanking out half my eyebrow and re-breaking the very spendy frame into multiple, irreparable pieces. The client was amused.
This is a true nightmare.
Not my story (though I was there and do wear glasses):
I went on a chartered tour of Japan, and on the flight from Los Angeles to Narita, the guy in the aisle seat decided to take a nap. For whatever reason, he decided the safest place for his glasses was in one of his shoes, tucked safely under the seat in front of him.
Not so safe, as it turns out, because mild turbulence hit, his shoe went into the aisle, and the beverage cart rolled over it. After we landed, most of us went to the hotel but the tour guide had to take him to whatever Japan's version of Lenscrafters is to get a new pair at (he told us over breakfast the next day) astronomical cost.
I have NEVER gone on a trip without a spare pair of glasses since. I just keep them in my suitcase so I can never forget them.
Had them blown off my face by one of those "splash mountain" type rides. But here's the kicker: I wasn't on the ride!
My dad took me and a buddy of mine to a amusement park that was about an hour and a half away. We're there for about 30 minutes before we see the water ride. The was a small bridge that crossed over the ride at the point where it hits the bottom and throws water all over the place. My buddy and me wanted to stand on the bridge and get doused by the water. Ride hits the water and splashes up and soaks us. We start to walk off the bridge, and I realize everything is blurry. The force from the water hitting us has knocked my glasses off! Try searching for half an hour, but can't find them. Had to leave, because I was almost blind (I'm really nearsighted).
I think we got to ride one ride, lost my glasses, then had to leave.
Sometimes it’s just pure, unadulterated violence that causes our glasses to shatter.
That’s a resourceful friend.Glasses Seinfeld GIF Giphy
Lord, this is for me. Once I was playing with some friends a game called "slo-mo fight". You guessed it, we were pretending to be punching each other but all in slow motion, which was hilarious. My friend pretended to punch me, I turned my head a lil too fast and my glasses fell on the floor.
Since I was blind at that moment, I fumbled around and stepped on them. Broke both branches, and couldn't fix them, so my friend glued a piece of ribbon on each side and for a weekend or something I looked like f*cking cat noir.
That’s a solid pair of glasses.
I was running late getting to school one day, and fell down a flight of stairs. I had a good pair of glasses, so they didn't break, but I did bend one arm to the point that I couldn't wear them. Luckily, I was able to get them bent back into place that day. I had those glasses until my prescription changed a few years ago.
Bent over mowing the lawn to grab a stick. Glasses were in my shirt pocket because I had my prescription sunglasses on instead.
Glasses fell out. Didn't notice until I was done. Bits of glasses all around.
Nice save.homer simpson episode 13 GIF Giphy
I was going over the drop on a rollercoaster and they fell off.
Then I somehow caught them and was so focused on holding on that I forgot to be scared of the ride.
Several years later, the same pair broke.... the lens broke out because I laughed at a joke.
Not a slam dunk.
The glasses I had around 4th grade were marketed as flexible and I told my friend if she bent them they wouldn't break so she tried it and they immediately snapped right in the middle of the bridge.
Also my first time trying basketball in 3rd grade someone missed a layup and when the ball came down it landed right on my eye and the lense popped out.
Personally, there's a reason why I now own four pairs of glasses. Lost my only pair one time and forced to wear dry contacts all day can do that to you. Always have backups!
And if you're the guy from Twilight Zone, it wouldn't hurt to have some large-print books around.
The finite nature of a hotel stay can lead guests to behave in ways they wouldn't normally. And where there is saucy behavior, there are the artifacts left behind.
And who is there to pick up those pieces on the following morning? The hotel staff--cleaners, maintenance people, technicians, even managers when things get unruly enough.
Some Redditors who've occupied those positions recently shared the wildest things ever left behind by guests.
Some were gross, some exciting, and some just downright puzzling.
MichaelJCaboose_ asked, "Hotel cleaners of Reddit, what's your most memorable find left behind by a guest?"
Many people chose to share the times they came upon the disgusting remnants of an uninhibited night before. The guests responsible left a collage of artifacts that looked more like a still-life picture of hedonism than a living quarters.
"Three empty bottles of wine, about two dozen cherry pits scattered all over the floor and under the furniture, and red-colored puke all over the bedspread."
"There was only one guy staying in the room."
The Consequences of Fame
"Found a human poo in the kettle once. Worse part was it was a 'celebrity' (crappy uk reality show) doing a guest appearance at a local club."
"Him and his mates filled the rooms iPad with di** pics too. Hotel got rid of the iPads shortly after that."
No Closet Is Too Nice
"Friend worked a 5-star hotel and found a turd in the closet." -- Boganvillia
"That's not a very nice thing to call your guest, but as someone that worked in customer service, I agree. They are turds." -- theassassintherapist
"Closet poopers are what happens to shy poopers if they don't face their poop anxiety." -- Stunning_Honeydew201
"I do maintenance. Had a group of part time housekeepers that are mentally handicapped working with their job coach go into a suite with adjoining door. There were 3 construction workers staying, 2 and their supervisor."
"In the one side with a pull out couch and DVD player, they found a full size blow up doll, empty small bottles of lube, used condoms, several beer bottles, and a stack of porn on DVD. Doll was on the pull out couch and everything else was all over the bed."
Other former cleaners described the times they came to a vacant room to find some very unexpected objects. These weren't as gross as the previous examples.
But the mysteries of what exactly the guests did with these items are still unsolved.
Steer Clear of Gadgets
"Almost tazed myself with a 'tube of lipstick' that I found under the bed." -- Naprisun
"insert lipstick taser gif here" -- georgiomoorlord
"so nobody's talking about this person using hotel bed lipstick" -- ST4R3
Back on the Road
"My friend's family owns a motel. He tells me they once found an auto transmission in the bathtub of a room." -- smorkoid
"Yup, I've heard of this before. You go to the town on a bachelor party, take a pill and then wake up and your transmission is in the bathtub full of ice and 3rd gear was removed" -- cavegoatlove
Making it Cozy
"I worked as a hotel cleaner during undergrad."
"My first day of work someone left a hatchet in the bathtub."
"Also, someone completely decorated the room with framed family pictures.. and left them all there. I think their stay was only 2 days. They set some up on the furniture.. but also legit hung some on the walls."
Finally, some people shared about the times they were pleasantly surprised to find that guests left behind some really nice stuff.
And, of course, finders keepers was in full swing.
"I worked for a hotel that had cabins, so I would be in and out all day in the hot sun. On one of those hot days I opened the fridge to find an unopened bottle of Dr. Pepper in the freezer part.. it was perfectly slushed."
"It made my day. This was years ago, too!"
As If They Knew
"A whole box of magnum ice creams. My fave!" -- nightcana
"If this was in Melbourne, you're welcome. I bought them but got invited out. Checked out the next day and left them in the freezer and I couldn't stand the thought of putting them in the bin." -- hemansteve
"My partner gets apartments ready for the next people renting them out after leases are up, they've found so, so many bdsm toys. One of which (a flogger) is my cats favorite toy over all others now including her very expensive cat toys hahaha"
It's a fun idea to think back on all your hotel stays and recall anything you've left behind over the years.
And then, depending on what exactly it was, you can imagine what the other side of that story turned out to be.
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Typically, I would write an intro about my own experiences with the weird kids at school, but I WAS the weird kid in school. Not in a bad way, more like a “I had a John Waters phase” when I was 16 and everyone knew it. So like, cool-weird. At least I hope so.
Schools aren’t always so lucky to have the cool kinds of weird kids though. The spectrum of weird extends even further than that, and can sometimes end up very disasterous.
Let’s start with the grossest of the gross. Because why not.
Was it worth it?peeing ralph wiggum GIF Giphy
He heard that you'd automatically get suspended if you peed your pants at school. He wanted to find out if it was true, peed his pants, got suspended.
> Observation: 'I've heard that by peeing your pants you will be suspended'
> Hypothesis: If I pee my pants I will be suspended
> Experiment: I peed my pants and I got suspended
> Conclusion: If I pee my pants I get suspended
Uhhh what was the intention here?
He got mad that he didn't understand how to play a game at lunchtime so he started hitting and punching the nearest person to him, who happened to be me. When I shoved him away and asked him what the hell was he doing, he whipped his unit.out, charged at me and when I shoved him away from me again he started crying and ran away with his member still sticking out.
Next ones up are the lowkey (or even highkey) disturbing stories. These weird kids can get a little scary.
At my middle school, someone decided to get a little attention with a good old fashioned bomb threat. Except they thought that a bomb threat meant literally writing "bomb threat" somewhere. Worse yet, they misspelled the f*ck out of it, and wrote "boom theret."
So we had to go on a brief, very awkward lockdown while the police checked the perimeter for booms.
I hope there was no overlap in the columns.Serial Killer Halloween GIF by GIPHY CAM Giphy
She wrote a list of all the girls and boys she wanted to kiss and murder and then casually passed it out on the playground.
2 separate lists or just the 1?
Same list 2 columns lol.
Had the weird kid in high school ask the teacher to use the bathroom. She said no and this dude legit stabbed his hand with a pencil. Went all the way through then asked if he could now...sh*t was wild.
This was Pearl High School in Mississippi. This was the school Luke Woodham shot and killed his girlfriend and her friend at the school. This kid stabbed himself with the pencil about 2 months after that happened. This was late 1997.
Most of the time, however, the weird kids are pretty d*mn funny.
Ok, but this takes a lot of skill.
Had a kid nicknamed "cheeseburger" in the grade ahead of me in high school. He got his nickname because when it was time for his class to go to lunch, he snuck into the roof and crawled his way into the cafeteria, dropped down and proceeded to steal all the cheeseburger put out for lunch. Unfortunately they caught him in the act and sent him to the principal's office.
A year later he was caught stealing a teacher's computer, and in the process of being arrested he bit the officers hand, getting him sent to juvi never to be heard of again.
Every school had the cat girl.cat dragging GIF Giphy
The weird kid at my highschool tied a string around his pencil case and pulled out around the halls pretending it was a dog. He still lives in my hometown. I think unemployed.
Oh also weird girl in middle school acted like a cat. She would meow and hiss at people, lick the water fountain and rub her body on the teacher's legs. In 8th grade. I have no idea where she ended up.
Weird kid in elementary was a self proclaimed alien. Once, while waiting for the bus, she told me "On my planet we eat people like you" and proceeded to bite me. We later became friends in high school and she used to give me massages during lunch break in the quad. Just realized now she was likely tenderizing me.
I was exactly this kind of weird.
He didn't say much, but if asked, he would go to the front of the class and perform Tip-Toe Through the Tulips with all of the emotion and volume of Tiny Tim, holding nothing back.
The last I heard, he became an energy trader, made a ton of money and married well.
I can definitely relate to that last one. In middle school, my English teacher would let me go to the front of the class and perform monologues or songs from Broadway musicals. Weird, but that’s what happens when schools cut funding for the arts and the theatre kids have no outlet.
As long as you’re not hurting anyone, I say let your freak flag fly, man
It's fair to say that just because you're a parent doesn't mean you have the abilities to properly teach.
These are not those parents. These parents think making their child suffer is the way to go.
Reddit user, u/MynameMB, wanted to hear about what misguided parenting looks like when they asked:
Let's Get The People Who Take This All A Bit Too Literally Out Of The Way...
...because seriously, don't throw your kids into a pool if they don't know how to swim.
Don't ACTUALLY Make Them Sink Or Swim!
I actually used to be a swim teacher in college teaching private lessons in people's backyards because of parents who had thrown their kids into the pool to sink or swim. It was usually Mom's calling me for help because they heard from a friend of a friend that I was able to teach their kid and get them to like the water again in about a month or less. One kid, he was 7, I had to sit with him on the pool deck the whole first lesson and bring buckets of water to him, his Dad had dunked him multiple times and insisted that his son would just figure it out eventually because "that's how he learned."
Needless to say he was never home when I was there. The Mom had me come while Dad was at work. Four weeks later she had me come later in the afternoon so he would come home towards the end of the lesson. His Dad saw his son swimming and cried happy tears. He had no idea I had been there three days a week for a month. My favorite student was a 70 year old man who wanted to do a triathlon but never learned to swim because his Dad threw him in as a child. It took about 3 months total, a lot of hand holding on the steps and shallow end, but he finally achieved his goal and I got to cheer him on at the finish line. I still remember how each of my students clung to my arms and clawed at my neck in their first lessons.
I never dunked or forced anyone out of their comfort zone. My lessons had to be customized for each student to keep it fun and relaxing. The trauma in their eyes was haunting though.
Skills That Are Probably Best Taught Instead Of Unsympathetically Learned
There are lots of time when parents think they're teaching their child some valuable life lesson. Skills or knowledge that could be passed down for generations to come, as if they're brilliant teachers instructing for the first time. Upon further look, some of these could probably be fixed in a day with some talking.
Could You Even Do This One By Yourself?
they didn't want to teach me to tie my shoes, because my mum said "I had to learn that myself, so should you!"
How Could You Know?
'Just walk it off!'
My dad, when I developed a big nasty cyst on my toe when my mom was away on a stressful trip. She was not pleased to come back and have to immediately drive me to the hospital. It got to the point where I took one step on it and almost passed out.
He apologized afterward. Got a sandwich from a really good sandwich place and I forgave him. Now I laugh about it.
Well, That's Just Bad Luck
I was always a picky eater growing up. One time my mom sat me down with a small bowl of almonds and told me I couldn't get up out of my seat until I finished it. I insisted that I hated them and they were making my mouth itch, she thought I was just being difficult. I just started to swallow the almonds like pills because my mouth was so itchy from chewing on them.
A couple years later I saw and allergist and discovered I was allergic to tree nuts.CosmonautCaveman
My younger cousin (4 at the time) was a climber and always needed help getting down. His dad told his mom to leave him. He'll either learn how to get down himself or stop climbing. Cousin ended up climbing onto the roof, fell off and got impaled on a fence pole. One very expensive trip to the er and he now has a cool scar on his thigh.
When Your Livelihood And Futures Are Literally On The Line
Every parent can look at their "sink or swim" approach as a form of preparation. Giving your child a small taste of what the future might hold for them. However, in these last few instances, you could argue the parent went a bit too far in one direction, actually showing them a full sampling of how terrible the world can be.
You Should Have Started Saving Yesterday
2 days after I graduated high school I came home to an empty house, all my stuff in a Uhaul because my mom and stepdad moved without me. I have been financially independent ever since, but a heads up would've been nice.
My real dad was not involved in this situation he was on the other side of the country. I am still close with him but he is very low income so he could not help me in this. I went no contact with my mom for about a year but she weaseled her was back in. I think I see her in person once every 2 years and I do not acknowledge my stepfather exists. I have been considering going no contact with my mom again recently
Learning To Drive
My step dad would get hammered and make me drive him home. I was 14 and couldn't drive stick and he was like you'll figure it out. This happened Maybe 3 times.
Okay, Maybe Help Your Child?
7 years old. Had an asthma attack at our camp in the middle of the night. At that time, treatment for an attack was a nebulizer machine that required electricity, which we didn't have at our camp. My parents kept telling me that I just had to calm down and breathe better so the attack would go away on its own. They only intervened hours later because they couldn't sleep because of all the noise I was making as I choked and gasped for air. We drove 3 hours back to our house, passing multiple hospitals along the way because they were embarrassed that I was in such bad shape and blamed me for just not breathing properly. Fun times.
Take it easy on your kid.
Remember. They're just a kid. Most of the world is new to them, and the don't possess all the abilities to handle it, so it's up to you to teach them, and not always let them struggle to the point of death.
Belly up to the bar folks, 'cause there are some wild tales to be told as you sip your sarsaparilla.
Those who work behind bars meet people from all walks of life and hear a variety of unusual anecdotes.
I never worked as a bartender, but I know they get an earful from babbling patrons who have had one too many to drink.
Curious to hear about the wild life stories shared at bars, Reddit xXSlimi_Gacha009 asked:
"Bartenders of reddit, what was the weirdest/craziest thing you have overheard while making someone's drink?"
Patrons say the darnedest things.
"The first restaurant/bar i worked in I was only serving but I frequently was in the section right next to the bar. One day I was busy serving a large group, but the restaurant was mostly empty and a guy behind me at the bar said 'you wanna pet my parrot?' my initial reaction was the same as if a stranger had just come up behind me and touched my shoulders but when I turned around... It really was a guy with a parrot on his shoulder. The parrots name was Bobby and yes both me and the bartender pet him 😂"
"I was tending bar during an extremely busy happy hour. The place was mobbed and super noisy. Suddenly, a guy sitting at the bar stands up and announces 'Ladies and gentlemen of the bar, I represent the Acme meat company and we carry a full line of high quality...'. The entire bar goes silent while he continues to do his sales pitch at full volume. For some reason he decided that this was a great time and place to hustle up some business. My manager sprinted over to him and told him knock it off and that kind of thing wasn't allowed in here. So he sat down and resumed drinking."
Favorite A**hole Bartender
"Regular of mine who I hadn't seen in awhile was sitting at the bar when I came in for a shift change."
"I came in the back way and noticed he had crutches leaning against the bar."
"Recently in the news someone hadn't had their shotgun properly secured in their truck and it went off..."
"So I jokingly say, 'you're that f'king idiot who blew off his leg arent you?'"
"The whole bar gets quiet and everyone is mean mugging me."
"My regular starts laughing..."
"Yeah, it was him. I had no idea. I didn't apologize, because as his favorite a**hole bartender those comments were expected of me."
"Poor guy was only 20 couple and blew his leg off close to the hip. No idea how he survived."
"I was a bartender for about two weeks (filling in for a relative who owned a bar and went on his honeymoon)."
"I heard a guy talking to a woman about murdering her husband. I called the cops, but these patrons were gone before they showed up. This was before cameras, so I just gave my story and that was it."
"Not long after, my uncle calls me saying the cops are looking for me. They interview me about the couple. Apparently, the guy was a hitman for hire and the woman was trying to get some insurance money. She got busted."
"It was actually an episode of 'Forensic Files' back when that was on TV. I remember watching the episode and they said something like 'the couple was overheard discussing the murder in a bar.' I was kind of upset that they didn't mention me. Lol. I was hoping for, 'The awesome bartender overheard them, but couldn't really tell us much. He also pointed at the male in the photo lineup and asked 'Is this him?' as if he was unsure. What a f"king dope.'"
"Edit 1: I spent half of the day reading the descriptions of every episode that's streaming on Netflix and watching the ones that seemed relevant. I didn't figure it out and I'm sorry, but I just don't know which episode it was. I recorded it on a VHS tape years ago, but don't know where that is either. I'm moving, so if I come across it, I'll edit this and let everyone know which one it was."
"Edit 2: As I recall, the hitman wasn't a professional by any means. I think the episode said he was just a local junkie who'd pretty much do anything for his next fix."
The following conversations were undoubtedly head-turners.
"From a woman to her friend, 'I don't know about you but I just can't poop in a pink bathroom.'"
"Someone was boasting about his 'Very small penis! VERY TINY! LIKE MICRO!' he proceeds to lower his pants and show it to his friend 🤷♀️"
Passions are inflamed where alcohol is in the mix.
Ferris Wheel Payment
"A married couple in their fifties arguing how they were going to explain the fact they couldn't pay the remainder of the 3 million euro bill for a Ferris wheel they'd ordered 18 months ago, already put a million deposit on, and who's collection was due at 8am the following morning."
"Man and woman is sitting at the bar. She starts crying and says 'I just want us to have something special'. The guy looked her dead in the eyes and said 'we do have something special, we have sex. We are both married'. 10 minutes later they are making out and she's rubbing him over his pants. I loved slow Wednesdays."
I'm a cheap date.
So whenever I'm halfway through my first – and usually ONLY – glass of cab sav at a bar, I know I'm talking in a stream of consciousness and volunteering embarrassing personal information.
Once, I confided to all the patrons and staff at a bar in Barcelona, France, about my embarrassing college experience. And I apparently gave a wild performance when the DJ played Prince's "Kiss."
I'm still searching this subReddit to see if any of the comments might be referring to me.