Ok, before I get into this article, I have to reference that old Twilight Zone episode where Burgess Meredith is the last man on Earth. No one would let him read, so now he's super stoked because he has “time enough at last" to read every single book. But then....his glasses break.
“It's not fair. There was time now."
Super depressing! Sadly, for four-eyed nerds like myself, everything we do relies on whether or not we have our glasses. Personally, I can't stand contacts, so if I don't have glasses on my face every waking hour, I'm screwed.
Here are a few more people who experience what myself and Burgess Meredith go through on a daily basis.
I think the biggest glasses breakers are children by far. But they break sh*t all the time, so that’s not surprising.
Bye bye glasses.
Don't laugh, but.
Okay, you're going to laugh, and almost 20 years later I can handle it, but I couldn't have handled it for the first year or two.
At a birthday party in middle school I was trying to be festive so I tied balloons to my glasses and they floated away and were gone forever.
I was at the beach and buried my glasses so that I could find them later as hidden treasure. Turns out using palm trees as landmarks is a bad idea, especially if you can't see.
If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.justin long dodgeball GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy
I was in like 5th grade. We were playing dodgeball. I took a shot in the face that sent my glasses flying and we had to pause the game so I could get one of the lenses popped back into the frame. Play resumes. Like two minutes later, boimpf, face shot again from the same kid, who probably needed glasses himself, now that I think about it.
Our gym teacher stopped the whole game and made us go inside and sit down, and the whole class was like "good job, Acrollo," and I'm there with a bloody nose and busted glasses and I'm like "how is it my fault some other dumdum can't get his throws below chest level?"
Nowadays I still wear glasses, and I have two boys under 3, so my glasses are constantly smudged because my kids are adventurous and kinda handsy-in-the-facey when you're down on their level. Seriously considering Lasik at this point.
I was a dumb middle schooler. I'd not been wearing glasses for long, probably only 2 years at that point. I had these super neat glasses that were supposedly "kid-resistant" and they had flexible metal so that you could bend them at the nosepiece and they wouldn't break.
I started showing them off, twisting the glasses around and locking them into themselves, like twisting them as far as they could go. After a certain amount of time that I don't remember because this was about 20 years ago, they'd finally had enough and snapped, right in the middle of the nosepiece.
It was not a fun time when I got home from school that day. My mom was livid.
It isn’t always our fault though. Sometimes we just have really crappy friends/family members/partners.
I hope you replaced the friend too.
I watched them shatter on concrete because of friend of mine wanted to see how bad my eyes were. Instead of accepting NO as a logical response, she yanked them off my face, they went flying, and ended up in a thousand pieces. I’m near sighted and need my glasses to drive. Needless to say, I picked up my car a few days after I got replacements.
At least the fish can see now.Water Walking GIF by Cezar IliescuGiphy
I was out on a boat fishing with my ex Father-in-Law when he flipped his pole to cast out his line and the hook caught my glasses and flipped them 20 feet from the boat into 150 feet of water. The worst part was watching them sink to the bottom of the lake on the damn fish finder screen!
So, this happened to a friend of mine. She wears glasses and had only one pair as she'd broken a pair a week prior to this incident (this will become important later).
So she had brought a guy home and he took her glasses off and put them on the bed just as things were getting hot and heavy. As they laid down, forgetting the glasses were on the bed, they crushed her glasses and got plastic digging into them.
She had no glasses and had to get an emergency prescription for the world's ugliest glasses which basically meant instead of a walk of shame, she wore the glasses of shame.
But most of the time, it just ends up being a freak accident.
I'm pagan and so I do ceremonies pretty often with candles. During one particular ceremony I took off my glasses and placed them next to the candle to pray not even thinking about it. Once I was done with my prayer (thankfully a short one) I looked on my alter to see my new glasses were on fire and melting plastic all over. It was the part that wrapped around my ear so I could still wear them until I got a new pair next year.
Super glue is no joke.Stay On 90 Day Fiance GIF by TLCGiphy
I used Super Glue to do an on-the-fly repair of a crack in the frame above the lens. I didn't wait long enough before putting my glasses back on because I was already late for an important client meeting. The Super Glue bonded my glasses to my eyebrow. In the process of remedying this humiliating fiasco, I ended up yanking out half my eyebrow and re-breaking the very spendy frame into multiple, irreparable pieces. The client was amused.
This is a true nightmare.
Not my story (though I was there and do wear glasses):
I went on a chartered tour of Japan, and on the flight from Los Angeles to Narita, the guy in the aisle seat decided to take a nap. For whatever reason, he decided the safest place for his glasses was in one of his shoes, tucked safely under the seat in front of him.
Not so safe, as it turns out, because mild turbulence hit, his shoe went into the aisle, and the beverage cart rolled over it. After we landed, most of us went to the hotel but the tour guide had to take him to whatever Japan's version of Lenscrafters is to get a new pair at (he told us over breakfast the next day) astronomical cost.
I have NEVER gone on a trip without a spare pair of glasses since. I just keep them in my suitcase so I can never forget them.
Had them blown off my face by one of those "splash mountain" type rides. But here's the kicker: I wasn't on the ride!
My dad took me and a buddy of mine to a amusement park that was about an hour and a half away. We're there for about 30 minutes before we see the water ride. The was a small bridge that crossed over the ride at the point where it hits the bottom and throws water all over the place. My buddy and me wanted to stand on the bridge and get doused by the water. Ride hits the water and splashes up and soaks us. We start to walk off the bridge, and I realize everything is blurry. The force from the water hitting us has knocked my glasses off! Try searching for half an hour, but can't find them. Had to leave, because I was almost blind (I'm really nearsighted).
I think we got to ride one ride, lost my glasses, then had to leave.
Sometimes it’s just pure, unadulterated violence that causes our glasses to shatter.
That’s a resourceful friend.Glasses Seinfeld GIFGiphy
Lord, this is for me. Once I was playing with some friends a game called "slo-mo fight". You guessed it, we were pretending to be punching each other but all in slow motion, which was hilarious. My friend pretended to punch me, I turned my head a lil too fast and my glasses fell on the floor.
Since I was blind at that moment, I fumbled around and stepped on them. Broke both branches, and couldn't fix them, so my friend glued a piece of ribbon on each side and for a weekend or something I looked like f*cking cat noir.
That’s a solid pair of glasses.
I was running late getting to school one day, and fell down a flight of stairs. I had a good pair of glasses, so they didn't break, but I did bend one arm to the point that I couldn't wear them. Luckily, I was able to get them bent back into place that day. I had those glasses until my prescription changed a few years ago.
Bent over mowing the lawn to grab a stick. Glasses were in my shirt pocket because I had my prescription sunglasses on instead.
Glasses fell out. Didn't notice until I was done. Bits of glasses all around.
Nice save.homer simpson episode 13 GIFGiphy
I was going over the drop on a rollercoaster and they fell off.
Then I somehow caught them and was so focused on holding on that I forgot to be scared of the ride.
Several years later, the same pair broke.... the lens broke out because I laughed at a joke.
Not a slam dunk.
The glasses I had around 4th grade were marketed as flexible and I told my friend if she bent them they wouldn't break so she tried it and they immediately snapped right in the middle of the bridge.
Also my first time trying basketball in 3rd grade someone missed a layup and when the ball came down it landed right on my eye and the lense popped out.
Personally, there's a reason why I now own four pairs of glasses. Lost my only pair one time and forced to wear dry contacts all day can do that to you. Always have backups!
And if you're the guy from Twilight Zone, it wouldn't hurt to have some large-print books around.
Eat carrots!! They keep the eyes strong... so they say! One day we will all, maybe need glasses, it's a hardship but not a shame. Just life.
Redditor u/araarq wanted to know who was willing to admit who needed some vision help, by asking.... People with glasses, when did you realize you needed them?
Astigmatism is a condition that affects the shape of a person's cornea (the outermost clear layer of the eye). Rather than being a uniform round shape, the cornea is more of an oval in individuals with astigmatism.
This odd shape causes light to refract strangely when it enters the eye, and can lead to some pretty weird optical effects.
Twitter user @UnusualFacts6 shared a side-by-side comparison of the way people with astigmatism see light and the way those with a typically shaped cornea see it.
There's a pretty marked difference.
Astigmatism is when the cornea is slightly curved rather than completely round.. With astigmatism, light focuses o… https://t.co/M2F5C2hO7z— Unusual Facts (@Unusual Facts)1553478703.0
The photos caused quite a few people to question if they might have an astigmatism. This led to a few existential crises.
@UnusualFacts6 Listen I'm in the school bathroom right now I did not ask for an existential crisis while I'm taking a shit— Sam the Toaster (@Sam the Toaster)1553543349.0
@SamtheToaster @UnusualFacts6 I'm in bed I just woke up and now I don't want to leave the bed because I don't know what's true anymore— Yekaterina Petrovna Teodora Salazar Zamolodchikova (@Yekaterina Petrovna Teodora Salazar Zamolodchikova)1553735815.0
@UnusualFacts6 @gravitren WELL I JUST LEARNED SOMETHING IMPORTANT ABOUT MYSELF https://t.co/CkUwOtfBZo— Reggie Fitzpatrick, Party God (@Reggie Fitzpatrick, Party God)1553655349.0
@UnusualFacts6 I THOUGHT EVERYONE SAW THE LINES?! I didnt realize I had an astigmatism?!— Sage Coffey 👻 🍷 (@Sage Coffey 👻 🍷)1553675892.0
Refractive errors, which include myopia and hyperopia (nearsightedness and farsightedness, respectively) in addition to astigmatism and another condition called presbyopia, are estimated to affect around half of all people in the US who are 20 years-of-age or older.
There were several people who thought the first photo was the normal one.
@UnusualFacts6 ...my life and seeing is a lie, I thought everyone saw the lines— Ambient Quetzalcoatl (@Ambient Quetzalcoatl)1553493381.0
@UnusualFacts6 Wait the first one isn't normal?— Sachiko サチコ🌸 (@Sachiko サチコ🌸)1553487380.0
@UnusualFacts6 Wait people can see lights normally? I thought everyone saw those lines-— Hilda (@Hilda)1553478966.0
@UnusualFacts6 @unusualImagery Holy shit I thought everyone saw the lines, when I was litttle I would squint to mak… https://t.co/04VlwxU4vC— Mi (@Mi)1553652624.0
@UnusualFacts6 I always thought this was normal wtf— Aldnox (@Aldnox)1553487122.0
Apparently astigmatism is the cause of some arguments, too.
@ch4rli3_wh0 @UnusualFacts6 This explains why a friend of mine doesn't understand when I tell him "lens flare" is r… https://t.co/lyEFhvb4QQ— Julie Blackwood (@Julie Blackwood)1553689196.0
Most refractive errors can be corrected with prescription lenses (either glasses or contacts), but they don't always fix everything.
Those with astigmatism have to order special contact lenses if they want to go that route, often referred to as "toric lenses", that are designed to fit the unique shape of their eyes. These are often more expensive than typical contacts, as they are harder to mass-produce.
Astigmatism is, thanks to modern technology, something that usually isn't difficult to live with. If @UnusualFacts6's post has you thinking you might have the condition, it is worth talking to your doctor about it; a good pair of glasses can make a world of difference.
Marriage isn't easy but divorce is hard. On the couple. Their families. Kids. Even dogs. As well intentioned as both parties are, it can devolve quickly and often leads to deeply personal attacks.
Reddit user inkonskin asked:
Here are some of the craziest answers.
50. Some people just want the suffering!
I have a client who collects cast-iron skillets of various sizes, shapes, designs, etc. Overall, he has a rather large collection that he is very proud of. We are currently in litigation, because his wife wants half of the collection. He offered her cash for half of the value of the collection, but she doesn't want the money, just wants to tear him up a little. Terevok
49. She Crazy!Giphy
My uncle owns a bar, when he divorced his she came in and started beating herself and called the police. He spent time in jail until the police looked at the security footage. Somehow she still has joint custody of my cousin. blank__name1
48. You WILL pay Sir!
Father was making over a million dollars a year, mother stayed at home and raised 2 kids, working seasonally. Divorce lasted 3 years, during which father, in an effort to keep all his money to himself, put his company in his brothers and cousins names, filed bankruptcy, and moved in with his mother. Mother and kids got nothing but dead rats in the mail, slashed tires, and a dependence on welfare. Father seldom paid child support, and when he did it was much less than mandated.
Once the dust settled, father tried to take back his company and assets from his family, only to be shafted out of all of it. Brothers and cousins with their new found fortune and thriving businesses, have no contact with father.
47. Crash and Burn....
Dude had a '67 Dodge Charger that he completely rebuilt first for his first ride as a teenager and then again when he had a son. He goes through divorce and he was in a job that required a lot of travel, he rarely saw the kids so she ended up with full custody. She gets the house that he was the sole breadwinner for and one of the cars. The judge say's it either the truck he uses mostly for work or his pride and joy. They talk it out and he gives the car to his son at 14 two years early. Make the best of a bad situation.
As soon as the divorce went through she sold it. NeoSpartacus
46. Humans stink!
My mom was a school teacher and dad a contractor making decent money, I was ten at the time of the divorce. Mom wanted to keep me around the same school, in the same house (friends all around the neighborhood), and family was close as well. My dad had no ties to the area aside from us. Wouldn't budge on the price of my mom buying him out of our house after he cheated on her. Then went on an eight year streak of seeing how little child support he could pay without her calling the police to have him arrested. That scumbag knew she wouldn't throw him in jail because then he wouldn't even be able to give her 20 bucks a month if she was lucky. Parents are still human, and humans can be pretty crappy. TheGoalPostinFifa
45. Someone should hunt him like a dog!
My business law professor had told me of a case that he had... where there was a dispute over two dogs, husband won custody and then opened fire on them in the parking lot. BroBruiser
44. G'day Love!Giphy
This thread is why Australia has No Fault Divorce Laws. It doesn't matter who did what to whom, the money is split according to who put in what, and the kids are assessed by a third party child psychologist. No mess, no child abuse allegations, no messing with each other. It's just a business transaction. Veganpuncher
43. All that for... THAT?
We represented a wife in a divorce. They had two young girls and the husband had cheated on the wife, making it worse, the husband had introduced the daughters to his mistress before the wife knew about her which, obviously, really hurt the wife.
This could didn't have a lot of money. They worked out parenting and division of assets in mediation, except for the proceeds of sale from their family home. It was only about $100,000. The husband wanted a 50/50 split but the wife wanted a 70/30 split in her favor as compensation for the mental anguish caused by his affair. Where I live, mental anguish is not a legit claim for uneven division of money in a divorce but there are different reasons to claim it. All of which can be complicated to prove.
The wife dragged the case out for 16 months, culminating in a 5 day trial. The husband ended up getting rid of his lawyer so he was a self rep but the wife continued to retain our firm throughout.
Basically, the difference in $ she wanted vs what he wanted was $20,000. She was successful at trial and was given a 65/35 split which meant she got 15,000 more from the proceeds of sale than he did.
However, her legal costs at the end of it was $30,000 so she only pocketed $25,000. Half of what she would have pocketed had she just accepted his 50/50 split and $10,000 less than what he pocketed after the trial.monkey_monkey_monkey
I was approached to handle a post divorce enforcement proceeding. The guy was owed somewhere in the neighborhood of like $5000 which hadn't been paid in a few years and was already reduced to judgment. He reached out because he found some money she was squirreling away and he wanted the judgment enforced against it. The money was funds raised through a firehouse benefit dinner which was held for cancer treatments because she was uninsured.
I declined. judok
41. Don't make a Final Exit...
The sister of a friend still is in a nasty divorce. Broke up because he cheated multiple times. Ex mother-in-law basically blamed her and thought she shouldn't complain that much.
Fast forward 3 years. Divorce case still going on. Her dad, a widow, commits suicide. She and her new boyfriend find him. Her ex calls child services claiming she cannot take care of their kids. As an example he uses the fact that neighbors took the kids to school which actually is normal in the small town she lives in. Especially in the situation she has to arrange her dads funeral. mdewals
40. The time has come...
This won't be the worst one I'm sure of it, but it's kinda cold hearted if you ask me
Present day, my parents have been split up for almost 5 months. Mom has not said anything about the divorce to me, despite the fact that I see her somewhat regularly (I live about an hour and a half away from both my parents) and absolutely refuses to talk to my dad. They have plenty of rental property that they're both supposed to share the income from, along with the bills for the house they used to live in. Despite that, my mom put all the bills in my dads name, while she moved out to her parent's house. My maternal grandparents are both relatively wealthy, whereas my paternal grandparents have both passed away. My mom is only spending money on her lawyer and nothing else, while dad has to pay for the rental properties, all the bills in the house, groceries, and his lawyer. That might not hold a candle to some of these, but it's still ridiculous. A-A-Ron1581
39. Electronics can be dangerous....
Wife is a lawyer and the pettiest story I heard was a rich couple who fought over everything. First off she works Corp law so her firm bills a lot an hour and doesn't even do divorces. However this guy important or whatever so the firm represents him at the same rate they charge for Corp law stuff. Think a thousand dollars per hour.
Anyway after the usual fight over all the homes, cars, boats, etc., things got real petty.
First, they fought over all the large contents of the home like appliances and electronics, etc. Then, once that settled, they fought over ancillary things. For example, the wife won the Tv, so the husband fought over the remote. Like what are you going to do with the remote after you lost the tv?!
Surprise surprise, he lost and wasted both he and his wife's money as lawyers got to bill a fight over a remote, he decides to fight over the batteries in the remote! They then proceeded to have their lawyers fight over the remotes! How petty can someone get if they're paying 3-4 digits an hour to get some used batteries !? paulx441
38. Don't be an A-Hole!
Old boss had a brother who was a Lawyer and and a dentist. Had 6 kids with his wife. The guy was the very definition of narcissistic a**hole as they get. Also a plastic surgery addict and the one time I met him, he honestly looked like Frankenstein's brother in the forehead and cheeks. Left his wife of nearly 20 years to live with the woman of his dreams. Denied everyone of the kids were his and tied her up in court for years. Not really sure what became of her, but he ended up living in a trailer park. whiskeyknitting
37. Some Lawyers are the Issue....
They know what's going on. The splitting couple don't. They are in emotional agony. Meanwhile the lawyers charge their time like this is some special event rather than something they have already handled multiple times, charging hundreds of dollars per hour and in no hurry to get it done.
In business you wouldn't survive acting like some of these lawyers. We really need to reform the divorce process. Locupleto
36. Think first!Giphy
Married a lawyer. We got a prenup. It's simple and has nothing to do with trust or outlook on our relationship, it's just a legal document stating that IF things go south ... here's what we agree on. I am blown away by how many people think prenup agreements are some reflection of trust. Marriage itself is just a contract in the eyes of the government. Take care of yourselves out there people. vans9140
35. Twisted Mama!
Child of divorced parents. My mom secretly used my dad's SSN to open a credit card. My dad found out about it, divorce ensued. My mom counter-sued so many times both of them are hundreds of thousands in debt for lawyer fees, and my mom demanded so much alimony that my dad's boss could either choose to give him a large raise or fire him. Guess what his boss did? My dad couldn't totally prove identity theft, so my mom gets thousands in alimony on top of social security money. She claims she's "disabled" when she is perfectly able to work. She even has an active LinkedIn profile. All while my dad lives paycheck to paycheck. nealius
34. Save the Children!
Sooooo many stories! But generally, the cases that sickened me the most went like this:
Wife has baby. Husband has zero interest in child, and even resents the attention that the child takes away from him. Tells wife that she is 100% responsible or this child, even financially. Wife realizes that Husband is a crappy parent and that makes him a crappy partner, would rather be an actual single parent than deal with his man-baby stuff. Divorce petition is filed. Husband is told by his lawyer that the more time he has with his kid, the less child support he will pay. Husband starts going to doctor appointments, doing kid stuff with the child, you know, being a parent. The parties are now divorced, Husband has 50/50 time share and is a doting father. All Wife wanted was for Husband to take an interest in the child, but she had to divorce him to get it. MrsMayberry
33. A million is ALL you got?
Had this case while working as a law clerk. The husband had a fancy job and got stationed abroad so the wife and two kids moved with him. He got a really high salary, all expenses paid, while the wife was a stay-at-home mom with no income of her own. The marriage failed, they moved back home (Sweden) and the wife sued for alimony, which she was entitled to by law, so she would be able to take care of the kids every other week. She hadn't worked for a number of years and had a hard time getting back into the job market, no savings, etc.
Suddenly the husband, who basically hand't had to pay any bills for several years, claimed he was also broke. He "only" had around $1M or so and was "forced" to spend it on an apartment in one of the most expensive parts of town so he had somewhere to live.... Ching_chong_parsnip
32. Just Stay Single...
I wish I could give every detail, but I don't want to give out all of it.
They got married because she got knocked up, and he resented that first kid. Had another kid a few years later. The guy cheated under the table for a while, asked for a divorce, and got re-married and bought a house with the other chick a month or two after the divorce was finalized (suspicious), all while denying he ever cheated.
He had a good paying managerial job that he and the mistress both got fired from, and owned a lawn business (that no-one knew about), but changed jobs and "gave" the business to his new wife to hide the finances from any potential child support that may arise.
He's now screaming for full custody of two kids that I don't believe he loves (or at least never showed it), and claiming the mom is abusive and tries to use every little medical issue as evidence of it.
The kids are dragged through it all and they show major stress about the whole thing. The dad uses them to lie about the mom, and records the kids' forced "testimonies" (literally chasing them through the house trying to get info) of what they did at their mom's house and family functions with the mom. He thinks it's helping his case, but it hasn't yet, and actually hurts him more than it helps.
The kids are in counseling and therapy, but the dad doesn't want to pay for that or the private school that he agreed to in court when he had a better job and more money.
What he didn't think would happen, is that our whole family started throwing money at it, and hiring PI's and a good lawyer, so we've slowly found out everything he's been hiding.
It's still ongoing so I don't have a conclusion yet, but perhaps this month or next, as there are scheduled court dates coming up.
31. Dependapotimus! (Keeping it!)
Not a lawyer, but I wanted to tell the tale of my older brother's ex wife.
So he was in the navy, she was a "dependapotimus." He basically got sick of all of it and found out she was up to no good while he was gone. So he wanted a divorce, they had a baby girl at the time, it was his and he loved her.
So here is where it gets real awful. In the middle of the separation, she gets cancer. I think she was 28 at the time, and this cancer was PCP snorting angry off cancer. He decides to not divorce so that she can stay on his health insurance and get treated. Unfortunately the cancer won and she passed away. At this time he had normal hours at the base, instead of being on a sub.
Not bad right? Well her PARENTS took my brother to court to try to get custody of his daughter. She came from money (married into navy so she could continue to never have to work) and those old b**tards of parents drew out the case until my brother couldn't afford to be represented anymore. He drained his entire savings trying to keep his daughter. Not only did the parents get his daughter (still blows my mind) but they also got the judge to make my brother pay child support. They blamed him for their daughter's death for some reason.
If he had been heartless and divorced her while his wife was alive, he may have been able to keep custody, or at least shared custody.
Now he has remarried to someone that isn't terrible, has an awesome son and a new daughter. gwarsh41
30. Shady. Shady!
She got a 2 mile restraining order put on him when she knew he lived one mile away, then called the police at 2AM and had him arrested on his own front porch not knowing why the police were there. GrooverMcTuber
29. That is some crazy!
What kinda of psycho takes the ice cube trays out of the freezer?! Nicktacular1196
28. I want the goat!Giphy
I don't do family law, but I am a lawyer and so here stories from friends and acquaintances. Wealthy couple own multiple properties and lots of assets. Acrimonious divorce. Husband makes the offer of you get all of the property if I get the goat (the wife has a pet goat she adores, but it is a ton of money). Husband gets the goat. He makes a video of killing the goat, barbecuing it, and eating it. Sends the video to the wife. Synthwoven
27. Outrageous Fortune!
My Uncle is going through a horrible divorce. His now Ex-Wife was a beater and a yeller. She was cheating on him with co-workers and demanded his whole "Fortune." Apparently she found a retirement fund set by his parents that is available to him at the age of 65. She demanded that fund, which had maybe 550k, and she would have won it. My uncle signed the account over to ME, of all people, for when I'm eighteen. Saying it is my 18th birthday present. We talked in secret and when the divorce is over, I signed it back to him. The court is aware of the action and couldn't do anything to retrieve it. And the C**t was PISSED. She lost custody battle after my uncle placed cameras in house. With video evidence and no money for her to get, other than his personal bank account, she got nothing but a crappy backup place in Minnesota and 3k. Karma is a B***h. GlaceauSmartWater
26. Is this 'The Shining?'
Couple had been married 14 years. Million dollar house. 2 kids.
My firm represented the wife.
We were pushing hard. Really hard. She was going to take everything.
He snapped. Killed her, the two kids, and then himself.
Worst part was that no one knew for a few days, until the smell tipped off a neighbor. wtfchuck504563
Not a lawyer.
Parents divorce seemed simple dad cheated on mom, mom gets custody of me. Dad didn't like paying alimony and child support to the tune of $2k a month after he gave up rights. Dad had great idea, pay a hitman $15k to take out soon to be ex-wife. Dad goes through with it, idiot actually pays undercover cop the money. Dad then flys back to Canada (home) and wait for results. International task force is formed to try and detain him.
Geraldo Rivera covers story, idiot dad gets arrested in Toronto and flown back to California. In this process, I was 3 in care of family back down south, mother in protection by police. Dad's family apparently wealthy gets good lawyer is charged with 17 felonies... can't remember how many he was convicted of. He gets 18 months. After all of this mom still had to sue for divorce, it took 2 years.
24. Pure Spite, USA
A woman in my town is a Principal at a local elementary school. She is in her mid 70s (at least). I asked someone why she doesn't retire and they explained that she and her spouse went through a very contentious divorce about 15 years ago and she has to give him a portion of her retirement so she has decided to NEVER retire so he gets nothing ever! Hahahahaha.
23. All's Well That Ends ShellGiphy
Dude cheated on his gf with her best friend and the two of them decided to get together, so they sat down with the original gf to inform her - she asked to have the apartment she and her bf had lived in (which was admittedly a lovely apartment), but was told that ex-bf and ex-bff intended to start living there together basically as soon as she'd finished moving out. She conceded, and asked to have it to herself for a weekend instead, just to move her stuff out and have some time to herself before she'd move out temporarily.
The exes agree, and that weekend the ex-gf proceeds to enjoy some bottles of wine, some seafood- and then stuffs the curtain rods with every leftover she has, plus her ex's favorite treat: caviar (she left a can of the stuff in the fridge). Afterwards, the exes move in and proceed to make it their little love-pad, but it doesn't take long for them to realize something's amiss (although it takes them a while to realize it's the stench that's steadily growing stronger), and from there on cracks start appearing in their relationship.
In the end, the ex-bf gets back in contact with the scorned ex-gf, and he sells her the much coveted apartment for a fraction of the original price (bonus: he had the whole place renovated in an attempt to find the source of the smell, so she got an awesome deal out of it). He couldn't figure out why she kept cracking up when she came to pick up the keys, nor her preoccupation with the curtain rods (he had put new ones in for the sale)
22. Please Let Me Live
I currently have a client who makes a sizeable salary, north of $200k/yr. His spouse has separated but will not leave the matrimonial home, despite her overtures that she wants to become independent.
She has actively depleted the joint back account of hundreds of thousands of dollars, which she has siphoned into personal bank accounts and she uses to finance her lifestyle of expensive yoga classes, buying luxury purses and shoes, eating at fine dining establishments and spending recklessly to deplete her net family property.
She was literally taking every penny that he deposited from his paycheque on the advice of her lawyer, which she then used to pay for her lawyer. He was literally financing opposing counsel. That has now stopped.
She will not allow him to see the kids when he comes home from work, or even read them bedtime stories.
She refused to allow him to take his sons to see their grandfather in hospital, who passed away shortly thereafter, and she continues to alienate the children from the paternal aunts and grandmother. She has no extensive family that still speaks to her.
Both her and her counsel are bloodthirsty.
Even though they signed a prenup, she wants to take half of the 2.5 million dollar home, wants full custody of the kids, and wants him to pay her $8,000 a month in spousal support.
She could work full time earning as much as $95,000/yr, but she'd rather live life like a real housewife of Toronto.
I just took this file on, but it has the makings of a nasty divorce already. I want nothing more than to take her and her counsel down hard. Files like this make my blood boil, because sometimes other lawyers take stupidly aggressive positions to force the matter into litigation. Perhaps, I'll provide an update in the near future.
21. A Dog-Gone NightmareGiphy
My uncle represented this guy getting a divorce from his wife of 15 years. Super toxic breakup and they split everything 50/50, even the land that the house they lived in sat upon. Well she decides to build a house right behind the other house, mind you this was a lot of land probably 200 yards separating both home sites, so that the back of the houses faced each other.
The house gets built and my uncle gets a call from his client asking about the legality of a situation he had gotten himself into. Apparently his ex wife would spend a lot of time in her backyard, so he saw her all the time. What he did was buy a female dog and name it the same name as his ex-wife. Anytime he would let his dog back in from letting her out he would yell at the dog. The ex-wife called the cops on him a couple of times, but there was nothing they could do because the dog was registered under the name of Susan.
20. Emotional Manipulation
My mom was a real piece of work in this department. My mother is mentally unstable and was very abusive to me as a child. When my father finally moved out and asked for a divorce I was luckily old enough (13) to legally decide who I wanted to live with. I, of course, chose my dad and that enraged my mother. By court order, she was allowed to live in our 4 bedroom house while me and my dad had to move in with my aunt into a two bedroom house. We lived there for 4 years while my mom did everything she could to slow down the divorce proceedings.
During this period my father was court ordered to pay the mortgage and utilities on the house my mother was living in. She would leave all the lights on and crank the heat with the widows open just to drive the utility bills up. She once left the garden hose on for a week into a drain to even make the Water bill outrageous. When it was finally all over and she had taken my dad for as much as she could she decided to sue him for my college fund.
I called her and told her if she went through with it I would never speak to her again. She told me if I wanted it I needed to move in with her before I turned 18 so she could get child support from my dad. I refused, she won the case for the money and my dad had to use most of what was left of the fund to pay for her lawyers costs.
19. The Phantom Of The Law FirmGiphy
Worked at a law firm that was subpoenaed as part of a divorce between a partner at the firm and a partner at another major law firm.
The woman issued more than 70 subpoenas to banks, firms, investment companies -- you name it -- because she was convinced he had squirreled away $20+ million overseas behind her back. It got so bad that she dug up receipts from 25 years ago to try to put together this grand conspiracy puzzle.
In the end, after she racked up $1.5 million in legal fees, and 7 different lawyers, the judge said this is ridiculous -- there was no conspiracy, and you are not entitled to a portion of this phantom $20 million.
Mind you: this was a major law firm partner who was acting this way. She made millions per year in her career. But she apparently lost her mind.
18. Smells Like Bad Karma
I'm am accountant. Had a client hide Ziploc bags of ground meat throughout the house (in air vents, the attic, behind water heater etc.)
I think it was at least 20-30 bags that took months to find all of them.
17. Just To Be MeanGiphy
Not a divorce lawyer, but my father went through the process recently. Amounts of money aren't the real concern. The assets must be split as close to 50/50 as possible. So the contention generally comes in the form of inequitable distribution of one-of-a-kind things.
My father had a precious set of old, inexpensive kitchenware that his late mother gave him before he even married my mother. When the divorce went to mediation and she told the mediator that she wanted those pots and pans, she got them. She got them because she was willing to give up something else of equal monetary value (so, something worth less than $10), and was willing to sit in mediation for hours, racking up thousands in lawyer fees for both sides, until my father consented. Again, an even financial trade, but a sentimental trade of overwhelming disparity.
16. Turning The Tables
Not a lawyer, but I met with a scummy one when I was looking to get a divorce. The first lawyer I met with, who had been recommended by a coworker as an amazing divorce attorney, suggested that, if I wanted full custody, I should make sure people knew the relationship was abusive. Tell my friends/family, make sure the neighbors heard me screaming, document every bruise even if I wasn't sure it came from him.
Thing is, my relationship wasn't abusive and I'd already told her that multiple times. She never outright said I should fabricate evidence or anything, but she ignored my repeated statements that there was no abuse and kept on with her detailed instructions of how to document any abuse that might happen. I got the distinct impression that she was letting me know how to create an abusive relationship out of thin-air in order to get custody of my kids.
I ended up not using her as an attorney, for obvious reasons, and in the end my ex and I shared 50/50 physical and legal custody of our children and raised them together despite whatever issues we had with each other. I can't help but wonder, though, how many dads lost a relationship with their kids because of her zealous coaching.
15. Special DeliveryGiphy
A friend of mine in high school worked at a pizza place. One of the delivery drivers was just ridiculously smart when I talked to him. Later I found out that he use to be a nuclear physicist. His wife was also a nuclear physicist, but left him for her lawyer.
He got screwed out of his kids, most of the assets, and had to pay a lot towards alimony/child support. He did the math, and figured out the tips he didn't get taxed on plus his minimum wage delivering pizza was more than keeping his job as a nuclear physicist. Plus he got a little satisfaction not having to pay her as much. The guy was really nice. I always felt bad for him.
14. Shattered Pieces Of Life
When I practised family law, I often worked with a woman who ran a battered women's shelter. She would attend court to give moral and practical support to some of our clients. There's a lot of waiting around in family court in the UK and so I got to hear a lot of her own story. Her husband had, apparently, been a nightmare of a man. She did always say, though, that she often gave as good as she got.
She waited until he was unconscious on the sofa and stole all the money so she could leave him. Before she left, she stripped the mattress sheet off their bed. She took a full-length mirror, laid it down his side of the bed and replaced the sheet. Then, she took a hammer, smashed the mirror to pieces and straightened the sheets again so it wouldn't be visible to her drunk husband when he finally fell onto what was now a bed of broken glass covered by a thin cotton sheet.
13. Safety DepositGiphy
I worked on bank equipment, my favorite was opening safety deposit boxes for the bank. Do I was asked to get there before the bank opened which was odd. I show up and greet the bank employee along with a lawyer and a very angry looking woman.
I get the lock open and swing the door open as the angry woman shouts "let me in there!" And I step outside the vault. She storms off, but she threw down a piece of paper that said "F*** you, Courtney."
It had been a nasty divorce and the ex husband got there before she did.
12. A Car Story
Story from my parents who are lawyers. So throughout the divorce proceedings, there was a car that was a huge point of contention between the husband and wife. After months and months of saying he would never let the wife have the car, the husband concedes in exchange for something great, like one of their summer houses.
It turns out he had been driving the car for 3 hours everyday in a big loop around the city, putting thousands and thousands of miles on it basically making it worthless. The amount of planning and spite that went into that was amazing.
My wife's parents had a really bitter divorce. Her dad was starting to suffer from dementia and her mom is disabled. They were well off, however her dad made a series of life decisions that easily cost them over half their wealth (had a house built right before the recession, tried selling their old one after the recession hit, then moved out of their new house within 3 years and took another massive hit on that). He was also let go from the job he had and was unable to keep any new jobs as he was suffering from mental issues.
It was basically each other's goal to leave the other side with nothing and so what little resources they had ended up sunk in legal costs. While her dad definitely did things out of spite, considering less than 5 years later he's in a home with dementia and doesn't remember anyone, I'm a little more sympathetic to him since who can really say how much the mental issues were affecting him during the divorce. Her mom though was straight up spiteful for the sake of spite. When her dad tried collecting disability because of OCD she fought him the whole way. When he filled out the financial disclosures she dumped thousands of dollars trying to allege he had offshore bank accounts.
The real victim here is my wife. The process definitely exacerbated and accelerated her dad's mental decline. Her mom came out the winner I guess you'd say, but after all the bills were paid, she has less than probably 25% of what they started out with when they initiated the divorce proceedings. She now lives with us in an in-law suit, living off disability and unable to touch any of the money she won in the divorce because it counts as income against the government assistance she gets for having MS. Both her parents lost the last somewhat functional years of their lives consumed by just fighting each other in the divorce.
10. Wistful Life
I'm not a divorce lawyer, but my father built the house I grew up in with minimal help. He spent two years working on it and did the hardwood floors, staircase, bathrooms, and hung every cabinet by himself. Every piece of trim in the house was run through a lathe with his own two hands. He even did the spackling for all the ceilings and all of the paint work.
Then my mom cheated on him for a year and bought him out of the house. Now my mom and step-dad have a pretty sweet place to live, and I can tell it hurts my dad whenever he has to go by to pick up my sister and stand in the entryway of the house that he built and watch their fat dog scratch up the hardwood that he was so proud of.
9. In A World...
My ex-wife gave me all my Blu-Rays back, which was nice. A year later I realized she had removed one disc from each of the Trilogy box sets.
8. No MercyGiphy
Bad seperation, wife filed a restraining order on the husband (very common, wasn't a terrible guy but not great either). A year into the divorce his mother was dying, he asked his sister to speak with his ex-wife and ask to bring the kids to see her in the hospital before she died. The wife never did, instead she went to the court and said he violated the restraining order by trying to contact her (you can't contact someone through another party).
He admitted it and explained the situation, but was found in breach of the order. His mother died while he was locked up and the wife never brought the kids to see her.
7. Flight Plan
I did some consulting work for two divorce attorneys when I was in grad school.
Their client was a career airline pilot. His wife worked part time so there was a huge income disparity. It was an ugly divorce.
During the process but before the final decree, tax time rolled around. The wife's attorney calls my guys and says, "Her accountant just called. If they can just share their W-2's and file jointly, they each stand to save about $8000 over married filing separately."
My guys took that info to the husband. He says, "Losing $8,000 is going to be way worse for her than it will be for me." Cold as ice, man.
6. A Dish Best Served ColdGiphy
Not a lawyer but got divorced. During divorce proceedings, when we didn't live together anymore, my wife filed a frivolous police report saying that I 'threatened' her. In the police report, she wrote my apartment's address as her place of residence. A court immediately issued a restraining order against me, prohibiting me from being in my apartment (that I rented).
While the restraining order was active (several months) I had to live in hotels and Airbnbs, which of course is 2x-3x of normal rent, without having access to my clothes and other stuff. I also was paying the rent for the apartment that was empty all that time (she never actually went there during that restraining order, even though she claimed it as her residence). The restraining order was lifted as the case was dismissed after she never provided any evidence or even testimony to DA.
I didn't sign lease extension in time during this process because I had no information how long the restraining order will be for; even though it was lifted right before my lease expired, I ended up having to move (and pay a broker fee).
Of course this also delayed divorce proceedings because we couldn't communicate while the restraining order was active.
Besides that, she refused to sign tax form for "married filing jointly". I ended up filing as "married filing separately", which meant quite a few thousand dollars extra in payment to IRS.
5. Too Far
My ex and I separated before the divorce. She agreed to watch the dog while I found a new place.
She had the dog put down instead.
4. Reality Check, PleaseGiphy
My dad divorced his first wife and promptly took his name off of all the credit cards. She proceeded to buy all kinds of s*** thinking she'd stick him with the bill.
She was not happy to hear she was the only one on the account.
3. Dead Debt
I had a co-worker once where the wife racked up well over 150k in credit card debt right before she divorced him! He worked overtime for literally the rest of his life just to be able to survive. Unfortunately he died from a heart attack, probably due to all the stress that she left him with!
2. You Be The JudgeGiphy
When the court is looking at assets and splitting them, they will take into account the current assets and each party can argue for why they should get some things over others. A big part of that is who the property was originally bought for.
In my parents case, my mother listed all of the assets she could think of an overvalued them. 10 year old stereo system? The value was listed as the price it was originally purchased for.
One thing she did was value the antiques they owned as far over what they were actually worth. I only found that out because I had the antiques appraised for my father, and I coincidentally went to the same appraiser my mother had gone to.
Anyways, what you try and do is create as much on paper value for the property as you can, and then argue that you shouldn't get any of the property (or should only get the liquid property). This creates a huge imbalance because one person takes on property that is extremely overvalued and not liquid but on paper it will look like a 50% split.
For example, husband bets $100k in assets (antiques, etc) actually worth $25k, wife gets $100k in cash.
How this is allowed to happen, I don't know, but it does.
The judge in my parents case went further. There was real estate that needed to be divided up. The judge gave my father one piece of real estate on which the market value was much less than the one he gave my mom. The judge justified it by saying that he used potential market value in the future to make it equitable.
That is, my mom got the property worth $1mil today, and my dad got one worth $500k - and the judge called it fair because according to him the $500k property could be worth $1mil in the future.
My dad appealed that all the way to the Supreme Court and it was overturned, you can't just make up a future value, you have to use current market value.
What's even crazier is that judge can impute income on people to support the alimony they are ordered to pay. Presumably this is to prevent people from stopping working to get out of paying alimony. The problem is that it can be abused easily by bad judges.
My dad made the vast majority of his money from a lawsuit his company was involved in. It was a single, one time multi-million dollar distribution he received.
The judge used all of the money he made + what he made in that lawsuit to determine what his income was for the purposes of alimony.
My dad was making about $100k a year from his salary and distribution from investments.
The judge imputed $400k a year income for the purposes of alimony, which meant my dad was paying literally every dollar he made to my mom in alimony.
You are only allowed to dispute that number after a year, and only once a year.
After the original judges order was overturned by the supreme court, my dad got a much more reasonable judge who was actually going to try and make an equitable decision. My mother saw the writing on the wall, and together with my dad we offered her a bunch of money as a settlement because she had already sapped 5 years of our lives litigating the divorce and putting our dad through hell. She took the settlement and my dad is now free of any obligations to her.
I forgot to mention that the judge also gave my dad all of the debt and my mother none of it. Debt that he took on while they were married to start the company that eventually allowed him to make all of the money to buy all of the stuff my mom ended up getting in the settlement.
1. No Comment
Not a lawyer, but when I was a kid my parents got divorced. My mom met a guy on the internet and left my dad for him. My sisters and I were all teenagers and being that my mom had never really been around decided that we all wanted to live with him. We all had to write a letter stating our wishes and it was understood that we would stay with him - my mom didn't even seem to care.
Additionally, my dad had this retirement account from his old job - he wasn't rich at all and had worked his butt off for everything he'd ever had. When he got hurt on the job he could have sued, but was promised that in exchange for him not suing, they'd keep him around. Instead they canned him and he left with about $100k (I think) in a 401-k type account that he'd been saving for nearly 30 years.
Lastly, my dad had his house. It was a 3 bedroom, 1 bath brick house that was all of about 800 SF. It wasn't much at all, but my dad loved the place. My mom couldn't stand that house and wanted to move for as long as I could remember - that was another contentious subject that led to the divorce. He'd been paying on it forever and when he left his old job, he took out a small chunk and paid it off.
Anyway, their separation is progressing and it's understood we're living with him. She was so in love with this internet guy that she didn't care. He was in school halfway around the country and she was going to move there to be with him; we knew we'd get by just fine. They seemed amicable and it was understood how this would all play out.
The day in court finally comes and instead of what we all assumed, even my dad's lawyer - she goes to the court with all these crazy claims. He was an abusive alcoholic, he was crazy and no one would be safe in his care. My mom got full custody, she got 50% of his house and 50% of his retirement account. My dad was stunned - that judgement would basically bankrupt him - in order for him to keep the house, he'd essentially have to clean out his retirement account and give her everything.
The night of their divorce I went over to see him. He was almost catatonic - he just stared off in space the entire time and would mumble whenever I asked him a question. I've never seen anyone like that ever. My birthday was 2 days away and I asked if he wanted to do something for my birthday and he just answered with "your mom has full custody. I will if she allows me to see you." I asked if I could drive his old truck to school, since I didn't yet have a car and he just said no, that I needed to call my mom and have her pick me up. So that's what I did.
And the next day in school, the day before my birthday, I'm sitting in our lunchroom when I hear "hey, isn't that your grandpa?" From a buddy of mine. I look over and see my grandpa and a cop making their way across the lunchroom toward me. They told me to grab my stuff and in the office I found my sister there as well. We rode home with them, where we were also met by my little sister and that's where they told us that our dad had ended it, shortly after I left the previous night.
To make matters worse, it all happened so quickly that nothing had been finalized. My mom dropped all her paperwork and legally became a widow and got everything - house, retirement and his insurance policy. She also got social security benefits for us, a fact we didn't find out until much later. She basically took all the money and moved across the country with her new man, leaving us to care for ourselves for the most part.
And to this day, when asked about raising us, she'll spin this story of a young widow, doing her best to raise three kids on her own..