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I used to have a good friend who I treated like a sister. Then she became super religious and refused to hang out with me or our mutual friends. She promptly vanished. I later learned a lot more about her judgmental behavior from other sources and it saddened me but felt like a great weight off my shoulders.

After Redditor Idk-how-to-reddit asked the online community, "When you realize your 'friends' weren't actually your friends?" people shared their stories. It sounds like these people did them a favor: That's our conclusion.

"I would never..."

I would never hear from anyone unless they needed something, usually when they wanted it for free.


"When I realised..."

When I realised I was practically harassing them to hang out with me. Just gotta get some self-respect and learn to let it go.


"One group of friends..."

One group of friends I had was a group of 7. During restrictions in London you were limited to groups of 6. Guess who was left out almost every time?


"When I was in..."

When I was in deep depression and finally opened up to my friends and they made fun of me saying I was only trying to get attention.


"Lost everybody."

When my divorce became public. Lost everybody. Ex and I are on friendly terms but everyone I thought would be there ghosted me. Even the ones I was friends with before the relationship.


"It's unfortunate..."

After middle school, I realized that my "friends" weren't actually my friends since they'd spent basically the entirety of it bullying me and making my life a living hell. I was so used to being abused and mistreated, I thought that was what friendship was.

It's unfortunate that the "leader" of it all got to live a good life and I'm just fortunate that my friends from high school (who also knew this dude) believed me when I told them what kind of a person he was to me.


"When I had..."

When I had a large hole in my foot after stepping on an iron spike. They laughed as the ambulance guys closed the doors. One of the ambulance guys said, "Some friends you've got there." I realised he was right.


"When they left me..."

When they left me bleeding and concussed on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere in Cuba to find my way back to the resort completely disoriented.


"When I told them..."

When I told them I was detoxing and cleaning up on taking drugs, and they proceeded to offer me more drugs, take them in front of me, and egg me on to take more.

When I left, that was the last time they spoke to me.


"Starting to think..."

When I moved. No one stayed in touch. Even with me trying.

When I started working from home. No one has checked in on me.

Starting to think I'm just unlikable tbh.


"Nobody came"

Nobody came to my 18th birthday. I brushed it off. I'd never really had friends in school, and figured I'd overstretched by inviting people who merely spoke to me in class (Which wasn't something I took for granted), and sorta blamed myself for trying.

A few months later, I started university, I felt like I made friends for the first time since I was little, but didn't dare organize anything myself or do anything on my birthdays again just in case.

The day before my 21st, I messaged a bunch of said friends individually, asking if they were free the following night to just go for a drink or anything. The one I felt I was closest to asked what the occasion was. I replied, slightly too honest, and said it was my 21st birthday, and I've spent the last few years pretending it didn't bother me to spend the full day on my birthday alone, but it did, and I really just didn't want to do that again.

He didn't reply. And that really hurt.

Again, nobody came. It started to sink in how often my friends went out as a group without inviting me, and how high the percentage of our conversations about uni work or the one side project we did together was. I'd been such a sufficiently lonely teenager that I didn't even realise they'd been leaving me on the outskirts for three years.


"Invite me to his wedding"

My best friend from high school didn't invite me to his wedding.


My husband's best friend, been buddies since Gr 2, asked my husband to organize his stag party. Said they hadn't set a date, but wanted to do the party anyway.

Guy got married 2 weeks later, husband wasn't invited...


"So and so"

When they chose to believe a rumor over me. "Well so and so said this about you", that was when I chose my own path and those that wanted to keep me as a friend decided to do so.


"I went 3 months"

When I have to be the first to message them or they won't bother to talk to me. I went 3 months without a single text from anyone.


I feel you bro. Why am I the one to only reach out to people to see what's up? It makes me question am I even a good friend? Am I too much? I've been working on my urges to care for people who barely check in on me. When the pandemic started no one checked in on me. I reached out to several people to see how they were doing. Shrug...


"Slow burn"

It was a slow burn.

She was my best friend for years, in school we were inseparable. But she would make those snide-comments and over time it got to me. She kept putting me down and I ... understood. We were both getting bullied, and she just needed someone that was below her. I thought if it would make her happy, I was okay with it. I could take it.

Then we finished school and she met new people. And she seemed happy without me.

And I was relieved. I could finally withdraw from her.


"Only one bothered to visit"

Had major brain surgery in 2011 to remove a tumor. Spent 7 days in ICU. Out of the 10 or so "good friends" I had at the time, only one bothered to visit me.

Turns out that the one I thought was like a brother told everyone else that I couldn't have visitors. The one friend that did come is the only one I kept in contact with after recovering.

Unfortunately, he passed away 2 years back. Miss him dearly.


"A matter of months"

When she told me she wanted her bridesmaids not to look too pretty and why don't I research how to be a pregnant bridesmaid and deal with it. She later skipped my baby shower and didn't send a gift. I opted out of being a bridesmaid in her wedding and opted out of her life right after the wedding. 10 years of friendship over in a matter of months. It was wild.


"Nothing again, ever"

When he literally ghosted me.

Was supposed to be coming round to my place for video games and shooting the breeze. 6:30 he texts me saying that he'll be there about 7:15. He lives 1 street over but at 7:30, he didn't show up.

Text him a few times, called him, nothing. Literally nothing again, ever.

8 months later I ran into him in the street. He goes "oh yeah, one of the guys showed up at my door and asked if I wanted to go clubbing and I did".

Now, if he'd text me saying that he'd got an offer to go out, I wouldn't have cared. It was a "we've got nothing on" type night and I don't drink and hate clubs, so I wouldn't have been asking to join. That was also when I realized that I was always the one going "do you want to...?"; he never suggested anything that I was invited to.

But no, he just ghosted me entirely for 8 months rather than explain himself. Haven't seen or spoken to him in about 15 years at this point.

Thankfully I met some much better people later and now I'm asked if I want to do things, rather than having to be the pure driving force on any meeting.


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