It's such an awful thing to do to your partner. There is truly no reason to go behind their back. The betrayal is what makes it so hard to swallow! And if you fear you may be being cheated on, never fear. Reddit is here.
u/40PercentPolyester asked Reddit:
What were the subtle signs your ex-SO showed while cheating?
Here were some of the dead giveaways.
She started encouraging me to go out without her more often, never did that before, couldn't stand to be apart from me.....
In retrospect there were a lot of things, but I didn't notice any of them, meanwhile she was basically in a yearlong relationship with one of my best friends and I was oblivious!
Not so subtle, but being guarded with his phone, and every time I caught a glimpse of the screen while he was using it, it was the same girl. Asked who she is and it's his friend from "dog-walking club" (yeah right... they actually met on Tinder).
He also went through my phone, and not very subtly either, because he accidentally sent random thumbs up to a lot of people on Facebook chat.
Then there was the random message from the above-mentioned girl, who had gone to the effort of looking me up and telling me to "back off her boyfriend". Hahahahahaha. There were a lot of things she didn't know either, apparently.
I was getting accused of being sneaky. There was suddenly an interest in who I was texting and where I was going. She was projecting her dishonesty onto me.
I'm not on great terms with my family, so I suggested making a roast chicken for the two of us for Thanksgiving. She opted to go to her roommate's family's place.
The roommate who I learned she was sleeping with shortly afterwards.
Got a new phone and changed his number. When I asked for the number he said I couldn't have it because it was "his personal phone"
I live in the Phoenix metro. During the summer you'd have to be daft to go outside for an extended period of time when it is over 100 degrees.
When my ex was cheating, she'd go outside and talk to her "friend" on her cell. In July.
Actually that's not terribly subtle, now that I think of it.
The way they said their name in casual conversation. And then, the frequency. And then suddenly, they disappear from conversation. This cycle can repeat itself.
Two different partners, this was my first clue. Warning bells went off...I was right each time.
A New Life
Not caring about our relationship, and completely leaving me out of anything she ever did. She just lost care in it.
Her eyes, they showed everything. Hell, I could have a one-sided conversation.
She had a lot of dates for someone in a relationship.
Words Of Wisdom
"Does she keep her phone locked around you, Michael? Does she watch how much she drinks around you, Michael? ... Does she leave the room when she takes phone calls? Does she keep perfume in her purse? Does she shower before sex? Does she shower after sex?" - Ryan 'The Office'
He suddenly became concerned about his looks but didn't want me to look good ( went on a diet, started wearing contacts) and started shaving his pubes which he wouldn't do for me. Also became distant (lack of interest in sex) spent a lot of time on his phone, had weird mood swings that didn't relate to our relationship fights/ make ups, lots of other signs...
He lost interest. Didn't want to do anything romantic and was more like a friend than anything. Yet, the second I tried to leave the relationship, he acted like his entire existence was inside of me and he was desperate to keep it around.
Here Comes A List
After having a long abusive relationship with a multiple confirmed cheating girl i can tell:
- She didnt go to events or partys with me that were public
- Her not telling anyone about her being in a relationship
- Or even worse, hearing "Wait you are still together? I thought you broke up!" from a mutual friend
- When picking her up from parties she didnt want to go together she would be coming from another direction than from the place the party" was at
- Her not being okay with unannounced visits from me
- Other random bullsh-t that doesnt make any sense
He started working out more, shaved all his body hair off, hid his phone, had random outburst of laughter while looking at his phone, use a random address for everything instead of your actual home address, send flowers to a house you don't know, take random holiday without you, money goes missing, goes out more without you.
All That Time Looking For Paper Towels
He started including really specific things in his stories to make them seem more realistic. For example: I was at the store with my mom and we were in the paper towel aisle.
They didn't make it more realistic. Just made me believe him less.
Getting really defensive when asked about their day. I ask questions because I'm interested in what's going on in their life. But when the answers don't make sense I ask more questions because I figured I was misunderstanding.
Space: The Final Frontier
Was an SO for 5 years, going 6. It was the New Year of 2014. When everything was going well, he suddenly asked for 'space'. I asked if he wanted a day, or a week. He said he wanted a month. I gave him that. As in zero bothering.
February came. We met and he called it quits and though it saddened me, it gave me time to improve on myself and reflect. It was mid-March, and just when I was able to get my life back together, he contacted me again. He told me he wanted me back. I was elated and hopeful. He said that there is just one condition that he wanted to compromise on to show that "I" had changed - and that is to limit my questions of his whereabouts and limit my calls to him to just his lunch time. Realizing that I might have gone overboard with calls and questions when I was with him (he was on a night shift in a particularly shady environment, and it didn't help that I was a worrywart), I agreed. But there was something in my gut that tells me something doesn't seem fair.
Since then, I fought the urge to even simply ask him how his day was, or make any leisurely talk with him just to comply and prove to myself and to him that I don't have trust issues - because if I don't, he'll call it out on me.
Then, in November of that year, his friend from his workplace died. I was scared because I hadn't heard from him for almost 2 days during the funeral, and I am worried that he might be devastated. My worry turned to anger when he just said that he placed his phone on silent mode, spent the night with his mates in the funeral, and told me "I have to ignore you since the funeral was the only time I can talk to my workplace friends and you disturb me a lot."
I apologized for my anger and just let him be. I still have to prove to him that I am not bothersome. We became okay afterwards. It wasn't a big fight, but I was quite offended by what he just said. I was just worried because it was not typical of him to not inform me of his whereabouts.
Three weeks after the funeral, he just dropped the "I'm breaking up with you for good." No warnings.
I was beyond devastated. Fast forward 2015, he came back one midnight (!) asking for me to leave my bf (now husband), crying and regretting that he dismissed all my concern and my thoughtfullness when we were together. Funny thing is, he had a gf when he begged me to get back together. And that gf is the one who he cheated me with. He told me that his gf hated it when he gets concerned, thoughtful or sweet and that he misses me who appreciates all that.
I dismissed him with, "You'll find yourself a good woman eventually."
People, remember that sufficient proximity and proper communication are indispensible in a good relationship. If your SO keeps on asking for too much SPACE, s/he might as well be on the next rocketship out of your life.
He never allowed me to touch his phone. Like even if he needed it, I wasn't allowed to pass it too him. Similarly, when he got a text message from anyone, the text didn't show up on the screen as a preview it was just the notification. We weren't friends on Facebook until we had dated for 2 years (yes I know this is weird looking back but at the time it was normal). He was very secretive about who he was meeting up with. He would never refer to them by name but just as 'his friends'. I was never introduced to said 'friends'. I once when to visit him and he had a pair of earrings and a leather jacket in his room. After we split up, about a month or so later, he was in a relationship with someone else, it was all over Facebook and they went on holiday together!