Breaking up with someone is hard. We get it. But there is a right way, and a wrong way. A way that takes the other person's feelings and humanity into a consideration, and a way that flings tiny turds at the person's soul and whispers, "I am a horrible person." Don't be like the turd throwers below.
If you want to read more of these stories, check out the source link below.
We had been together just about a year, and Valentine's day was approaching, it was to be our first together. I had planned a romantic evening, roses, candles, the works. The weekend before valentine's I had to work, and she was accompanying a guy she knew to some sort of fraternity formal. I didn't exactly approve, but she had been a virgin when we met, shy of sex until we were together for a while, and didn't seem the type to cheat. She assured me it was just platonic, blah, blah, blah...
So valentine's arrives and I've got the scene all laid out and we have the nice candlelit dinner, but afterwords she breaks into tears and confesses that she had sex with the guy after the formal. She says, basically, he had bought me flowers, so I couldn't say no...relationship ends ten minutes later. I'm a bit heartbroken...she was stunning and we had had a good ride, but I got over it and date around for a while.
Fast forward 11 months, I get a call late one week night from valentine's girl..."Gosh I've missed you. Can you come get me? I've got so much to say". I've got nothing going on and can be talked into being horny, so I go get her. We talk in the car for a bit until she says 'I really meant come get me, now take me back to your place'. We sleep together, it's nice, we talk every day for the next 3 or 4 days until we decide that since the next week is valentine's day and there's no one we'd rather be with on the day, we'll try again. Day before valentine's day I get a call from girl "sorry to do this to you Otto, but I was out with a friend the other night and met a guy, think he might be the one".
I booked a weekend for me and my GF in London in order to go and see a concert. I paid about 250 euros for her since she couldn't afford it herself. The day before leaving, I went down to the bank to withdraw some English pounds and I called her and asked if I should withdraw some for her (and she could give me cash for it later). She replied "Well, yeah.... I don't have a lot of money right now" and I was a bit confused. Anyway, I told her she could borrow money from me and pay me back later. She still sounded hesitant and agreed that I could withdraw 50 pounds for her, way too little to last the entire weekend.
So I went home and started packing. Didn't hear from her for a couple of hours, and when the clock was 8 PM (we were leaving at 8 AM the day after) and I could not reach her I got a bit scared. She had been acting strange all day, and now she wasn't answering my calls.
So I tried calling her about 15-20 times, no answer. I called her little brother but he didn't know where she was. I found out the number to her best friend and called her, and while I was almost crying I asked her where my GF was and explained that I was taking her to London. The friend's answer (I didn't talk much to her friends) was "Yeah, I heard something about somebody taking her to London. I don't know where she is." She sounded just as strange as my GF did earlier.
I called the police. Nobody knew where my GF was and I was scared that something had happened. They told me that I needed to go and check her apartment, and wait 24hours before reporting her as missing. So I took my car and drove to her house all terrified. Ran in to her apartment and found her in bed with another dude.
I just turned and walked out. Got in to the car and drove home crying. Called her friend again and just asked her what the heck was going on. Apparently my GF had ben cheating on me for 2 of the 5 years we had been together. I talked to her once after that and her explanation was, "Well, I loved you both in different ways".
Have not talked to her since that.
I had been dating this girl for a while and all was well. We had planned a trip out of town for a big, all-day event. About a week before the trip she stops responding to texts all day. I chalk it up to her being busy and try not to overthink it. I get a text from her the next day saying that she is not sure what to think anymore and needs some space. This is out of nowhere. I don't know what is going on and am crushed but decide that if she needs space I will give it to her.
She texts me the next day and asks how I am doing. I tell her that I am ok. She then invites me to a family gathering for her cousin who just came back from Germany. I am confused about the quick turnaround but gladly accept the invite. She introduces me to all her family (cousins, aunts and uncles, even grandparents). It went fine and as I leave she makes a big deal about giving me a kiss and how she will talk to me the next day.
Next day comes around and she invites me to a party with all of her co-workers, she was leaving for a new job and it was a going away party, I accept once again. I have met most of them before so it wasn't too bad. But all the ones I haven't met she introduces me to as her boyfriend and is very touchy feely the whole night.
We end up going on the trip. The concert was great, lots of good bands. I promised her I would take her shopping the next day so we did that. I ended up spending a decent amount of money on her, thinking this would help show her how much I cared, dumb idea I know. She then tells me how awesome it would be if we went a little out of the way on the way home to meet her step-sisters. I agree, seeing as I had already met all her other relatives, I see no problem with this. We go about two hours out of the way and meet them, have lunch, talk for a while, and end up heading back home late at night.
I go to work the next day and am not hearing from her. I decide that she might still be needing some space and let her be. I get a text the next day saying that she feels like we have drifted apart and need to break up. I ask her how long she felt like this and she says for about a month. When I ask her why she would introduce me to her whole family when she was feeling this way she said it is because I am the first guy they would approve of and she wanted them all off her back. I later find out that for the entire last month of our relationship she had been sleeping with her ex and had apparently told him that they would be getting back together as soon as we had gone on this trip and I had bought her the nice things she wanted.
I was messed up by this for a while. It happened about 5 months ago and sometimes I still get pretty down about it. But luckily I have some great friends and a great family around me to let me know that I am better off.
At the airport when leaving for a deployment to Iraq.
He sent me a text saying "ur dumpd" whilst we were sat next to each other on a bus. Classy fella!
After I had surgery and was able to fully hold a conversation I called my then boyfriend. He proceeded to tell me I had too much drama, he didn't love and he was sleeping with his ex. We hung up, I asked for more pain killer and went right back to sleep. Good times.
My ex and I went to Thailand together for a two-week trip around the country (after being together over a year). This was also a sort-of birthday present for me, as it was right before my 20th birthday. On the third day, he confessed that he didn't love me anymore and realized it a month before the trip, but couldn't tell me. He didn't want to be with me anymore. The trip was non-refundable. I had to get a new friggin passport and take two weeks off work, and it was HIS IDEA! It was miserable and humiliating. I drank a lot. Instead of going home with me at the end of the trip, he stayed and got drunk with some of his friends who conveniently showed up, and slept with random girls. My birthday was terrible and then I had to explain everything to my friends and parents when I got back. I cried for weeks.
I had been dating a girl for about four years and she seemed perfect. We had been living together for two years and had had no relationship problems that I was really aware of. We both took jobs in a different state (the same state, same company, same town) and were going to move in about 6 months or so. My job required me to go and complete training in a completely different state until then.
So, I say goodbye to my fianc and travel off to this third state where I live on a shoestring budget in order to finance our almost cross-country move. While I'm away, my fianc starts telling me that she's been spending a lot of time with this female friend of mine that I introduced her to. My fianc was bisexual, and we had had discussions about certain "open-ness" in our relationship, so I wasn't worried. In fact, I was happy that she wasn't as lonely as she kept telling me she was.
After about six months, I travel back home. My fianc doesn't greet me at the door - in fact, she had my only key and didn't answer her phone. So I had to sit outside of our apartment with my luggage, waiting for thirty minutes. Eventually aforementioned mutual friend drives up, my fianc gets out, and the friend leaves without a word or a wave. My fianc tells me she had forgotten that I was getting in that day (despite me having texted and emailed her earlier). I shrug it off and we go inside and keep packing.
We packed for about a week and the whole time she refused to sleep at our apartment (claiming that it was too uncomfortable to sleep on a foam mattress on the floor). She stayed at her now-girlfriend's place. At the end of the week, we loaded up a truck and drove to our new state.
Things seemed fine. She was smiling and happy. We got to the apartment that I had paid for in advance, a 2-story apartment with a fireplace, balcony, the works. It was supposed to be the stepping stone for a new life. She seemed happy, started unpacking her suitcase, set our cats out to explore. I started unloading the truck.
Three days later, I had finally finished unloading the truck. The fridge had food, the couches and bed were set up, the place was looking close to a real home. She was aloof, quiet. I kept asking what was wrong, she wouldn't tell me. She refused to talk. I tried to sit next to her and talk but she said she was fine and she just needed to be quiet and alone for a bit. I said sure, if that's what she wanted. I went to bed somewhat early as I had unpacked most of the truck by myself.
I woke up at 5am to a text message from her saying "I'm safe - I left you a note". I immediately start crying because any idiot knows this means bad news.
The note was a 2 page letter that was held to the fridge downstairs by a magnet. It was a long treatise about how she never really loved me and only started dating me as a rebound and then stayed with me when she realized I treated her better than anyone else had and that I was able to give her the best sex she had ever had in her life. She noted that she came to the conclusion (with the help of her new girlfriend) that she didn't love me ever, and in fact, according to her girlfriend, I was abusive and she needed to leave me for someone else. The gist of the letter was that I should feel bad about how bad of a person I was/am and that I needed to be out of the apartment by the time she got back from her ski vacation (a week's time) or else she would make me get out.
This is where my life fell apart. I was in a new town that I had only been in for about four days, I had no money because I spent it all on my cross-country move, and now I was homeless. I didn't want to fight because I was tired and emotionally destroyed (I was supposed to spend my life with this woman) so I started packing up my car (at least I had a car) and went to work as usual and spent most of the next couple of days looking for a new apartment. I eventually just threw in the towel and moved back to where I was living prior. Thankfully, I was able to keep my new job.
However, the emotional scars still run deep (as I'm sure they do for a lot of people posting here) and I still have deep and powerful trust issues and am highly paranoid without warrant.
My boyfriend went to see his family a state away, before he left I noticed I was very nauseous all the time and my boobs were sore. He was nervous when he left and said he'd be back soon and to keep him updated. Started getting bad cramping and bad bleeding, thought it was just my period, but then the bleeding stopped after one day. Went to doctor for tests to make sure all is good down below. Turned out I was pregnant and partially miscarried. I also had first stage signs of cervical cancer due to HPV he had given me, that they would have to laser off. Kept him informed of what was going on. He freaked out, never returned and admitted he had been cheating on me with a girl in his hometown. I guess it's during a low point that you find out someone's true character.
I continued dating my high school girlfriend after I went to college. We were only 100 miles apart and things were fine for most of our freshman year.
Then, one day she stopped returning my calls, this was right after I had spent the weekend with her.
I continued calling, getting worried.
One day soon after, which I will need forget, I was walking back after class and called her.
A guy picked up and said "There is a new Sheriff in town. Stop calling." I could here her laughing in the background.
I loved her dearly. Wanted to get married after college. I was devastated. Went home, put on kid-a and moped for like a year.
Four years later she apologized to me. I was dating my now-wife at that point. We are friends now. But I still hate losing those years to depression and self doubt.
Wife left me and the kids right after I had finished nursing her back to health after a major surgery. She said I wasn't romantic enough to her. Right when she was able to work again, she abandoned the kids.
I guess raising kids and supporting her through bed rest wasn't in the 50 shades of Grey novel.
My girlfriend at the time was studying abroad. I went to visit her after several months of saving up to be able to buy a plane ticket. I arrived and she almost immediately told me that she had someone else.
My ticket, of course, was non-refundable, so I had to spend 5 days completely heartbroken in a city I didn't know, filled with people whose language I didn't speak and with no means to go home.
Worst week of my life.
I was single, bored, and wanted to be out of the house, but didn't want to see or talk to anyone. So I go to Starbucks and sit on my laptop working on some code, headphones on. My focus is interrupted by a tap on my shoulder. I look up, and there's this really cute girl. I take off my headphones and she was asking about my tattoos. We talked for a little bit, I showed her some of my ink, she showed me some of hers. Then her friend wanted to leave. Before they left, she gives me her number and asks me to call her.
I call her that night, and it turns out she's in the hospital. I ask her what happened, and she explains to me she has Cystic Fibrosis, and she normally waits to tell people about it until after she knows them a bit better.
I didn't know anything about CF, so I got to Googling while talking to her. The next day, I get off work, we've been texting all day. And She was complaining about hospital food, which she's grown accustomed to due to being in the hospital every so many months. I show up with some food, stayed there and we talked for a few hours.
She told me that whenever she starts seeing someone once she ends up in the hospital they realize that she's there for 2-3 weeks every 4-6 months, and they lose interest. And none of them ever bothered to come see her.
So I came by every day for 3 weeks to spend time with her after I got off work. I met her brother, a couple of her friends... got along with all of them.
We dated for 3 months after that... I learned a lot about CF in that time period. She lived every day like it was the last, because for her... it might be, with only 60% lung capacity. That was compounded even more because she was only 4'11'' tall, and finding lungs that were both a match for her, and would fit, wasn't easy. I thought a lot about what I was getting into. But I was happy, and I didn't care. I prepared myself for the worst and enjoyed each day.
One night when she's sleeping over at my place, she wakes up in a fit of coughing. I wake up and pat her back to try and help her break up some of the stuff in her lungs... Then she tells me "We have to stop this." I ask why and she says "I don't know how long I'm going to live, I don't know if I'll ever get new lungs." I tried to talk her out of this... I told her I understood what I was getting into. She told me, "I don't bother getting close to anyone, because I'm going to die and leave them behind and I don't want anyone to miss me. Normally guys just leave after I'm stuck in the hospital for a bit... But I know you won't... And it's not fair to you."
No matter what I said, I couldn't convince her. She packed up her stuff and left, and asked me to forget about her. And as quickly as she was there, she was gone. Our relationship was short and intense.
A little over a year passed, and I dated a few more women... The whole time I felt like I should have said something more, I should have tried harder. But that was that. I ended up meeting my current girlfriend, and one day I get a text from my ex. She got new lungs, and she wanted to apologize. She knew I had a new girlfriend, and didn't want me to bother responding, but she wanted to apologize.
My current girlfriend expected me to go back to my ex. And said she'd understand if I did... I never even considered replying to the text, I'm happy now... And I've heard she has met someone, and they've been together for almost a year. Hopefully she'll stay happy, and live a long life.
I got dumped via text while I was drugged up on painkillers, recovering from an operation that rendered me unable to walk for 2 weeks. After not telling me why and being ignored for weeks and being blocked on Facebook etc, I was asked by a friend how I was coping with what she did. I later found out he meant the fact the she broke up with me for another guy. When I asked her about this she said "you don't know what I'm thinking so stop trying". This happened 7 weeks ago and I still cant go through a day without forcing myself not to text her or stalk her Facebook.
I foolishly decided that moving into the same building as my boyfriend would be cute and convenient. It was only later that I realized it was a horrible move.
After he drove my car drunk and stole from me, I decided to end it. I broke my lease and started packing.
I didn't get all my packing done in one day, but I was nervous enough of him that I didn't want to stay in the same building.
My ex was so pissed off at me that he decided he was going to break into my apartment, plant some drugs, then call the cops on me.
My super called the cops when he saw him trying to get into my apartment. Thank goodness.
I drove to my girlfriend's place one night. Her mom answers the door and says, "She don't want nothing to do with you." As I'm getting back in my car, my girlfriend appears. I just said, "Save it. If you're not adult enough to break up with me yourself, then I want nothing to do with you anyway." I drove off and never saw her again.
I was an American girl living in London, England, who had a nice job lined up and was totally happy there. I was in a long distance relationship and he begged and convinced me to move back to the States. It was only AFTER I moved back that I found out he had been cheating on me the whole time. Yay! Why couldn't he have just told me sooner, before I gave up the job and hauled myself back to the other side of the world?
My girlfriend of three years broke up with me last Wednesday. About a week after I planned out our anniversary, and took her out on a fun date with pottery and delicious foods, all nice like. She said I wasn't focused enough on her life.
The thing that made it so bad wasn't that she did it in the billiards room of the memorial union, or that her reason was that I hadn't put her before school and studying, or that it was right after my uncle killed himself.
No. What was so bad about it was that I realized I didn't even care. Every time I'd done something for her, it was never enough. No matter how hard I tried.
Man... a breakup, after three years, should hurt, but I didn't feel anything. In fact I almost laughed. I didn't even feel like crying, I wasn't upset. I just didn't care anymore. She was breaking up with me, after everything I'd done. After leaving school when her best friend died, to stay with her, and just let her vent and cry. After planning every anniversary event. After everything, good and bad... three years of trying to have a good relationship. And I realized I didn't care anymore. Sad.
So I just left. And went and had smashburger with the homeless guy from New York who always sleeps at my bus stop.
Leaving the fact that I was in elementary school, I still think it was rude; I had a girlfriend and our times were golden, holding hands and stuff, I was flying. We were holding hands for like a few weeks when on one day my mom dropped me off at school as I saw her playing with another guy from class (rude). It struck me and I went to her to ask what the heck was wrong with her, playing with that other guy. As cold as ice she then replied: "Yeah, I'm with him now, is that okay with you?" With nothing coming up and only my mouth full open I stood there broken hearted. I still hate her.
I came down with what I thought was a bad cold, but the other day I found myself unable to breathe and was getting scared when my home breathing treatments weren't working (I have asthma). So I went to the ER on Tuesday and I was admitted later that afternoon with a lung infection. She works long hours so I waited until that evening to tell her. We talked all of 5 minutes before she went to bed. I then didn't hear anything from all day yesterday (I was stuck in the hospital on Halloween no less!) so I was getting worried. Finally she answered my text this morning and proceeded to tell me this wasn't going to work out and broke up with me.
How many people do you know battling addictions?
According to the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM), addiction is "a treatable, chronic medical disease involving complex interactions among brain circuits, genetics, the environment, and an individual's life experiences. People with addiction use substances or engage in behaviors that become compulsive and often continue despite harmful consequences."
Hearing from those who have battled addictions––and come out the other side––can be remarkably eye-opening, as we were reminded once Redditor YoshBotArmy asked the online community,
"People who have beaten an addiction... what's your secret?"
"I'd then check off..."
"Alcohol. The "one day at a time" approach was too much. I made a chart with a 24 hour day broken up into 15 minutes. For example: 8:00-8:15. [ ]
8:15-8:30. [ ]
8:30-8:45. [ ]
I'd then check off a box for every fifteen minutes I didn't drink. This really boosted my confidence because although I may have only gone two hours without drinking, my brain focused on the 8 boxes I checked off.
Minutes turned into hours, hours turned into days, etc.
It's now been 8 years."
"You need to want to quit..."
"You need to want to quit, otherwise, it will be a fight against yourself. I quit smoking about 15 years ago after being a smoker for like 18 years. I decided to quit several times but never stuck, always found a reason to fall back into the habit. One day my 4yo daughter told me that she was going to find a way to save me from cancer because smokers are bound to get it. After that, I couldn't stand cigarettes anymore and quit within the week. Never again. I wanted to be there for my girl more than anything else."
"The lesson to take away from this..."
"I realised my binge eating was due to a general lack of self-control. I developed bulimia (exercise is my poison) trying to counteract it, and I still struggle with that.
I struggled with it for years and tried everything under the sun to stop it. It wasn't until I started practicing Stoicism that I started seeing life differently. Then a couple of years into that, I overheard a colleague say "it's all about finding balance" in a conversation about the challenges life throws at you. That quote stuck with me for about a year until I realised I have no sense of balance because I used to be an extremely black and white/all or nothing character.
It's now been 2 years since I completely stopped binge eating, and it was all due to having that epiphany. Took practice to get into good eating habits and a routine with meals but I'm all good now.
The lesson to take away from this - teach your children self-control and the ability to say no to themselves. My parents gave me everything I wanted so I had to teach myself this throughout my early 20s."
"That does not mean..."
"You have to learn to give yourself grace.
Relapses happen. I self-mutilate. I will do incredible for months. Then one negative thought can send me into a spiral and I harm myself.
That does not mean that I undid any of the hard work I had done up to this point. I acknowledge that I made a mistake, identify my triggers, and make an effort to start clear of them. Take a deep breath and try again."
A valuable observation.
"I kicked the habit..."
"I wasn't physically addicted to marijuana, but I had such a mental dependency on it that it was pretty much like being addicted. I couldn't function without it.
I kicked the habit by pursuing a girl. I really wanted to date her, and I didn't want her to know that I was actively smoking weed. I stopped smoking weed because I'd fallen in love with a girl. I'm now married to her, and I haven't smoked weed in over 4 years."
"The most important thing..."
"The most important thing I ever learned was not to fight cravings. I don't mean to give in and use when a craving strikes but for a long time simply feeling the craving was awful. I tried so much to avoid the feeling because I was scared of it.
I saw the suggestion to actually indulge the feeling and just let it wash over you. When I tried it, it was still uncomfortable to want to use but by letting myself feel the craving fully I was able to let it go and move on with my day more easily. Fighting the craving just made me suffer."
"I wore a rubber band..."
"I wore a rubber band around my arm and anytime I thought about my addiction, I would snap it and hurt myself. That way, I associated my addiction with pain and eventually broke my body's natural desire for it."
It turns out this has merit.
"I have no idea..."
"Coffee. I was a serious caffeine addict (like 12 cups a day), and one day for no reason I just woke up and ... didn't feel like having coffee. I've had maybe 5 cups of coffee in the 10 years since then.
I have no idea why it happened, but I haven't felt a craving for it in years. I wish that would happen for my other bad habits."
"I don't think..."
"I don't think it's a secret. Understanding the addiction. Knowing that it takes time for the chemicals in your brain to reset. Knowing it's gonna suck. Being prepared as best you can. Knowing it's going to be a battle."
"I'm not very far..."
"It was really taking a toll on my overall health and one day I woke up and said never again. I'm not very far into recovery and I've never been to a meeting or anything. I know I can't have it around me or I'll relapse."
We are proud of anyone who manages to beat an addiction and who can speak about their experience so candidly. And if any of you out there are struggling, we're rooting for you.
Have some of your own stories? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments section below.
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I'm just spitballing here, but it seems to me that pretty much that weapons of war are among humanity's worst creations. Sure: We live in an anarchic world. States can never be certain of another state's intentions. Conflicts are bound to break out. But in a perfect world––and a man can dream––none of this would be necessary.
It seems I'm not alone in this, either. People had opinions of their own after Redditor Questwarrior asked the online community,
"What was the worst human invention ever made?"
"Cheap and easy to make..."
"Landmines. Cheap and easy to make, but they remain active and people forget where they put them."
"Styrofoam. It's toxic, can't be recycled, and there are better alternatives."
It also sounds horrible when rubbed against another piece of Styrofoam. Torturous.
"Now idiots can connect to each other..."
"Social Media - It gave people the ability to find others and create echo chambers. Before, idiots were isolated to dealing with just a few in their immediate radius of existence. Now idiots can connect to each other across the world and validate their thoughts/feelings."
This is very true. We're seeing the consequences, aren't we?
Ain't built like they used to - because they can't sell you a newer model if the old one is still performing like new.
If companies didn't have this in mind we wouldn't be running out of resources and messing up the planet in search of more. This would create less conflict and way less pollution. Imagine companies actually making insanely good, long-lasting products instead of cheap ones that needs replacing more often than it should."
"Heroin destroys people's lives every day."
"As a medical student..."
"As a medical student, I basically see people every day whose lives have been wrecked by smoking. Kids and unborn babies get messed over by tobacco smoke. Stupid and plain evil."
A great film about the tobacco industry: The Insider (1999). Really makes you think about the cost we all pay for Big Tobacco.
"I can't believe..."
"The concept of Flat Earth. I can't believe people are still stuck in the seventeenth century and still believe in that crap and try to defend it with their misunderstandings of science and physics, as well as pure ignorance."
People believe the most ridiculous things.
"They exist solely..."
"Torture devices. They exist solely to cause harm."
"How am I going to pay you..."
"Overdraft fees. How am I going to pay you EXTRA money when I don't have money?!"
Human beings are capable of so much innovation, beauty, and joy, but threads like these remind us of all the horrors in the world. There's a lot of darkness in humans, too.
Have some of your own contributions to share? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
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Homelessness is an unfortunate and all-too-common occurrence in the world, particularly in the United States. Homelessness has grown to a huge degree, and while most countries have the resources to help their homeless, many choose not to.
It is also difficult to break the cycle of homelessness once you have entered it. It creates a never-ending loop of failed job searching, lost or stolen goods/items/things of value, and stigmatization by society. More often than not, homelessness is begotten by another condition wherein the state or country fails to provide resources--such as mental health.
"Ex homeless people, what are some things people don't know about the streets?"
Here were some of those answers.
A Sad Reality
"My stint on the streets was about six months and due to some bad decisions I made. But what sticks with me the most was the crushing boredom."
"No intellectual stimulus at all because it's safer to keep your distance from other homeless, and you're not going to have a chat with civilian out of the blue."
"So you're completely alone all the time. And to avoid putting yourself in risky situations you stay on the move as much as possible."
"Most cities you can get some day labor work for quick cash but then you have to be careful about people knowing you have cash. You're always on the lookout."
"The only sound nights sleep I ever got was when I could manage to scrounge up enough cash to get a room in a transient hotel for a night and basically pass out from exhaustion."
"Other than that you're sleep deprived most of the time. And of course all this is made worse if on the streets in winter."-HardALee99
The Worst Side Of A Woman's Life (TW: Rape)
"I'm a psychiatric RN who works with mostly homeless people."
"I have heard SO MANY TIMES where women who tested positive for meth have said they use it to stay awake 24/7 to avoid being assaulted by other homeless."
Lucky To Be Alive
"People can and often do develop PTSD from being homeless, especially in rough areas. BF was kicked out at 14 in what was, at the time, the heroin capital of the Northeast, and he very quickly realized that selling drugs was the easiest way to make sure he had food/water/shelter as someone under legal age to work."
"But bouncing from crackhouse to crackhouse— especially as a kid— creates this state of constant hyper-vigilance, possessiveness over your belongings, a lot of hoarding behaviors, etc."
"Basically you wind up living in survival mode the entire time so you don't get assaulted/arrested/kidnapped/shanked."
"To this day if you touch him while he's sleeping he freaks the f**k out. Loud noises at night freak him out, car engines outside, lights in the window, etc."
"He still sleeps better on a couch in the corner of the room than a bed, because 'at least then you have something at your back, makes it harder for people to surprise you.'"
"Nightmares, too. Just... a whole bunch of sh*t, some of which I won't get into because he's embarrassed by it. Here are a few of the choice events he went through, though, just in the first two years or so:"
"He's almost had his throat slit with a half a DVD, woke up with a fork in his chest from some crazy chick, had all his food stolen, even had somebody inject him with heroin against his will while he was sleeping. Sad to think about."
"He's off the streets now, kicked a drug addiction, found a good-paying job, and is about to go to college. But the damage being homeless for his adolesence/early adulthood did..."
"It's going to be a while before he really feels safe. Not to mention he feels like a failure going to college at 30, but... I mean, how many people could have gone through all the horrific sh*t he went through, lived to tell the tale, AND somehow managed to keep going and eventually recover?"-vishuual
Homelessness is even expensive for the country because it leads to more and more problems that resources have to be expended upon in order to deal with the mental health and physical trauma it causes.
Over And Over
"One thing that f**ked me up was my concept of time. Often I'd be up late as f**k trying to sleep and before I knew it, the sun's back up."
"You gotta plan your day differently to use the restroom and it's hard to even find anything 'normal' to do because there are so little resources."
"People don't realize that being homeless is a situation in which no one is really looking to help you to find a sustainable life. It's truly being otherized and ostracized until you die or miraculously get back on the work grind."-SuperDuperChuck
Not An Addict
"I guess the worst part for me was the lasting trauma."
"Sure walking around in sandals because it's all you have when it's raining sucks. Sure sleeping in public is terrifying. Yeah homeless shelters are packed out. Borderline impossible to get a job."
"But the worst part was realising I'd lost some fundamental part of myself and I wasn't getting it back. Innocence maybe?"
"But it's more than that, it's like that Lily Allen music video where she's walking around with rose coloured glasses but the audience sees what's real. Yeah well, you lose the glasses and you never get them back."
"There's nothing that fixes the trauma of knowing people who you thought were your friends or family were fully aware you had nowhere to go and didn't do anything about it."
"You can't fix that feeling of your best friend not returning your texts until you're back on your feet. Or the stares you get in the street when thousands of people walk past and don't stop."
"I'm physically ok now but I'll never see people the same way again. I don't know how to. I used to be a really sociable person and now I steer clear of most people. I don't trust anyone."
"Also as an aside, the people who were kindest to me were always working class. A construction worker who bought me lunch. A taxi driver who got me a blanket. Rich people treat you like utter filth and disappear ASAP."
"I was homeless due to domestic violence as well, but people just assume it must be drugs. I literally barely drink let alone use drugs, but in people's minds homeless = addict."-SunnydaleHigh1999
Stop Stigmatizing Homelessness
"The amount of 'ordinary' people there are that are homeless. I was homeless for about 6 months but you would have never known."
"I had job where I could make just enough to stay fed and get a gym membership. I kept all my clothes in the gym/ back room of the restaurant I worked at."
"I'd hide and sleep in the back office of the restaurant. A lot of homeless people have cars and can sleep in them."
"Gym memberships are the easiest ways to stay clean/ not look homeless. Once my boss found out I was homeless, he let me move into a room at a hotel he managed for free. That man saved my life."-SeamanTheSailor
Food Or Money?
"People seem to have this perception that food is the only thing a homeless person would need to use money on and so they will give food in place of money."
"While giving food is nice, it isn't some one-to-one replacement for money. Food can't help you get cleaned up for job interviews, for example."-CattyPlatty
And homelessness is caused by a number of things--most of which are failures of the government. There are enough vacant homes in the United States for every homeless person to have 6.
Policing Your Own Cleanliness
"What's really important is staying clean. But not so clean people won't give you money if you have to panhandle."
"Don't let people know where you sleep if you can help it."
"Don't take work offers alone, you never know what kind of sicko's there are out there, especially once they have you alone in their environment."-Tired_of_yer_ish
Read That Part Again About How Close You Are To Homelessness
"Former homeless person here (as a child and an adult) and someone who used to work helping folks who were unhoused due to violence get housing:"
"-You are more likely to become homeless than win the lottery. Most Americans (around 60%, that number has probably changed in the pandemic) are one missed paycheck away from homelessness."
"-As shared above, lack of quality jobs, affordable inventory (meaning not enough affordable housing), and integrative and trauma-informed heath care services are the leading causes that keep people unhoused."
"All this to say, you have far more in common with people on the street than you think you do. Please see them as people. I will never forget what it felt like to have someone's eyes slide right past me like I was invisible. "
"No one is expecting you alone to end homelessness, but you can give someone $10 for a laundromat or shower, or say hello."-AbolitionistCapybara
Why Is It Illegal To Have The System Fail You?
"I was homeless with my single mom at the age of 9. In the US it is basically illegal to be homeless but it is definitely illegal to be homeless and have a homeless kid."
"My mom was a great mom. We just hit a really rough patch in the 2008 financial crisis in the US causing my mom to lose her job."
"She could not get another one and we ended up living in her mini van. However she was always able to get me food and get me to school. I am not sure how she was able to keep our situation a secret but I was so ashamed of living in a car that I wasn't about to tell anyone about it."
"I think it is twisted that the government would rather place kids with strangers and give those strangers money to take care of the kid than to help that kids family find stability."
"Furthermore my boyfriend was in the foster system for a number of years and has a few horror stories from it. I feel lucky that I was homeless with my mother and that we were able to get out of that situation in comparison to what my boyfriend went through in his childhood living with abusive foster parents."-psychologicalfuntime
The bottom line is that homelessness is not the fault of the homeless. It is the fault of a system that criminalizes a lack of resources and support, especially in the USA, the wealthiest country in the world.
What would we gain by continuing to criticize and stigmatize homeless people across the country?
It's amazing what the legalities are from place to place. I live in New England, and in Connecticut, passengers are allowed to drink alcohol in the car, as long as they aren't driving. Weed isn't legal there, but open containers in the car? Totally fine. At least we have something to look forward to as we cross the border.
There are some truly strange laws depending on where you go. Here is a list of the weirdest ones.
Did you know that murder is allowed in certain instances, depending on where you go? Talk about scary.
I’m sure no one will test these laws.
Not sure how much of it is true. But apparently if the Swedes cross the border by walking over the ice given its frozen over, (which it hasn't in like more than 100 years) we are allowed to kill them.
The exact gates they have to be within are defined but I don't remember what they are.
Dying is illegal in France.Kate Mckinnon Snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy
Oh boy. France has some history and a love of regulation. Perfect mix for absurd laws. Quick examples:
It's still technically mandatory to have hay at home in case the king's horse is nearby and needs some... Horses have been a pretty rare sight, let alone kings.
A mayor made it illegal to die in his town. The initial problem was an overcrowded cemetery, but he kinda reached the wrong solution.
This probably isn’t enforced anymore.
There is a medieval law here that has never been repealed: all males over the age of 14 are required by law to practice longbow for at least two hours per week.
Some of these laws are so silly, they make you wonder what event happened that put them in place.
I think everyone has done this.
"Forbidden to pee in the ocean". I live in Portugal.
'Like a piss in the ocean' is literally a euphemism for something not mattering. What's the problem?
Tigers are fine, though.film history GIF by DiggGiphy
It's illegal to bring a lion to the movies.
Somebody better have a conversation with MGM.
You can't carry a salmon suspiciously.
"No officer, I was going to eat it later"
"Seems suspicious you were carrying it around in public. I'm gonna have to take you in for questioning."
What is the backstory here?
It's illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors here.
I know this is Pennsylvania, but I forget the exact reasoning, but I think it has something to do with homeless people.
These next few laws will definitely make you question these towns’ legitimacy when it comes to lawmaking.
Poor raccoons.raccoon stealing GIFGiphy
In Virginia, it's illegal to "hunt or kill any wild bird or wild animal, including any nuisance species" on Sundays. However, it is permissible to kill raccoons.
How the heck is this enforced?
I don't know if this is still a thing anymore, but in Texas it used to be illegal to own more than six dildos.
It's illegal to own any at all in Alabama unless the owner has a letter from a doctor claiming a legitimate medical need.
Granted, most of these laws were written a very long time ago. But it makes you wonder, what the heck were these original lawmakers doing? And what event happened that needed these laws to be enforced at all?
If some of these laws don't make you want to be a criminal, then I don't know what will