As a married woman, I learn more and more every day what it means to be in a romantic relationship.
It is a constant learning experience, and even now, four years into being together, we still are learning more and more about each other.
This isn't just our relationship.
In fact, this is a universal trend in all relationships.
Most mistakes that we worry are specific to our relationship are actually common to every marriage or partnership.
We've all been through it, man!
Redditor Frozly asked:
"What are common mistakes people make in a relationship?"
Some things may seem ridiculously obvious to a single person, but once you’re in the thick of it, it becomes a little harder to catch.
Disagreements happen. It’s better to face them head-on.
Trying too hard to avoid potential arguments to avoid conflict rather than hashing it out before the issue becomes too big to handle.
This I believe is the most important. At first, I was afraid to say things sometimes because I was so afraid that she might not see me the same or something. She was doing the same.
We both learned that love is love no matter what and any disagreements we can talk about and we may feel sad or hurt or upset but we never yell at each other, we simply talk it through and if it's something we both disagree on, we compromise. We have both had our small moody feelings but we always talk things through and so long as we stay true to each other I believe it will last forever.
I learned that when two people love each other so much, they will work together and be devoted to each other no matter what. And we have a strong relationship that I believe will last forever.
Never ignore your problems!
The most common mistakes that couples make are not actively listening to one another, taking their partner for granted, and pushing aside problems because they don't want to cause an argument.
Also talk about what's bothering each other.
You got to work together to solve issues that come up, you can't just ignore them. That's how people end up leaving or cheating.
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Communication is key!
Not being able to communicate. You need to be able to voice when you are hurt without them taking it as an attack. You need to be able to hear your partner.
100% agree. Although I do think it's important to encourage learning how to communicate. Many adults just simply don't know how to do this and I do believe it's a learnable skill.
Should you waste your life with a partner who has no interest in self development and learning to communicate? Probably not. Should you discuss this with your SO who has poor communication skills and create a plan to work together and improve communication? Yes!
People go into relationships thinking love is a certain way.
But almost always, it’s the exact opposite of what you expect.
It’s not like the movies, babies.
Married life in a nutshell.
That love is a feeling. You can "fall" in love with someone but it's more of a choice to be deeply connected with this one person. Over time you constantly choose to love them through the good and the bad. If you base your entire relationship on how love is a feeling, you're most likely going to "fall out of love" with them.
DON’T do this.
Labeling your partner the source of all your happiness and joy.
100% this. I know the phrase "how can you be happy with someone else if you're not happy alone" has become hated because some people feel like it's saying "people with depression should never be in a relationship" but it's not really about that. As someone who has been put in the position of "someone's entire happiness and joy" it is extremely stressful. Because the flipside ends up being "I'm unhappy - how can my partner fix it??" even if it's not a conscious or intentional thing.
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All of this.
Getting into a relationship too fast and not getting out of the relationship fast enough (especially prior to marriage).
When you're not in an official relationship with someone yet, it's pretty easy to walk away if you see problems. But once you're officially in a relationship with someone, you're more invested in them, and you're less likely to walk away when you see problems. So it's important to spend significant time getting to know someone before you start doing things that make you feel more reluctant to walk away (whether that be kissing them, calling them your boyfriend or girlfriend, or whatever), so that you will filter out more of the bad potential partners before they become actual partners and waste more of your time causing you more pain.
Once you're already in the relationship, it's important to communicate - to express your needs clearly and assess your partner's needs with empathy and care. And if you've expressed your needs clearly but your partner still does not meet them, then it's important to end the relationship. Hanging around hoping something will suddenly change somehow is wasting your time and also wasting your partner's time. It's a kindness to both of you if you just explain that since your needs still have not been met, you're leaving now.
There are at least three basic stages of a relationship. The first stage is when it's not officially a relationship yet. Use this stage to filter out as many bad partners as you can before you get too invested. Think of as many relationship pitfalls as you can, and ask questions to try to determine in advance whether each potential partner is likely to be able to overcome them with you or not.
The second stage is when you're boyfriends/girlfriends/etc. but not married yet. At this point you've progressed from asking questions and getting to know one another to actually trying to be one another's primary supports in meeting the daily challenges of everyday life together.
The biggest question to keep in mind at this point is, "Does this person make my life better, and do I make theirs better?" Does this person help you solve problems, relieve some of your burdens, introduce you to new and interesting ideas, listen and make you feel understood, relate and make you feel less alone - and do you do the same for them?
Are you happier when they're around, or does being around them exhaust you - and do you think they're happier or more exhausted when you're around? If you were suddenly sick or injured in some new way and you needed help, could you rely on them to take care of you to about the same degree that you would take care of them?
When you need something from them or they need something from you, can you each typically get what you need from each other, or does the conversation become strained or awkward because one of you is less able or less willing to meet the other's needs?
In this stage, the possibility should never be far from your mind that maybe this person might turn out to just not be the right person for you to be with at all—because if you find that you're not making each other's lives better, and some conversations about how to try to fix that don't seem to be actually fixing it, then the best thing for both of you is to end the relationship as soon as possible so you can both avoid wasting any more of your time with each other.
The third stage is when you're married. At this point you should already have become very confident that you're both basically reasonable people because you should already have demonstrated considerable ability to get along well and help one another surmount problems in the past. '
So, when life continues to present new challenges, you should have some confidence that even if those challenges do lead to some arguments, those arguments are not reason to doubt whether your spouse is a basically reasonable person or not. You should already be convinced that they are a basically reasonable person.
You should already have a substantial history with them that proves you are compatible in a wide variety of ways. So even if the two of you change over time in ways that alter your compatibility somewhat, there should still be enough common ground left that it generally behooves you to work through the problems.
During this stage, even if interacting with your spouse does currently make you feel more exhausted and less happy, your spouse still deserves credit for having made you happier and less exhausted in previous years.
As long as your spouse isn't physically, verbally, or financially abusing you they should be allowed plenty of leeway to borrow against that credit. People with a history of being really good for you have a right to go through hard times and be depressed and need your support. They supported you, so you should support them too.
And if you're both going through separate hard times at the same time, so you need their support but you're not getting it? Try to be as forgiving as you can, because hopefully you wouldn't have married them if they weren't a basically good person who has proven that they can and do support you quite a lot most of the time.
Maybe they just need space to fail for a little while, and then they can get back on track. But also, do express your own needs - gently but clearly - so they know what's going on with you and can make the best effort they can at the moment. Don't expect them to read your mind.
Big mistake.
Assuming your partner should know what you want if they love you. I struggled early in our marriage because the women in my wife's family are big on this. We worked on it and it took a bit, but we got to the point where we would only hold each other accountable to expressed words and thoughts.
It has made all the difference in the world and 27 years of marriage have been mostly happy. Also, comparisons. Never say "Well my last SO did this" or " My family always did it another way". Good way to alienate a partner.
For the love of God, never be petty in your relationship.
The two (or more) of you are stronger than that, so just don’t do it!
It will NEVER be even.
Keeping score.
"I did the dishes three times two weeks ago, you only did them once last week."
"You got a new video game this month, why didn't I get something?"
Etc
It's never going to be completely even, things ebb and flow. Both side should feel like they're getting a fair shake overall but if you keep track of every little thing (even if it's just in your head, I don't necessarily mean like an actual list) it's just going to guarantee that somebody is always "losing". It's not a competition.
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Love’s not a game.
Treating dating as a game you're supposed to win instead of playing just for fun of it.
Or even worse, treating any communication as something you're supposed to win, instead of using it to find a solution to a problem.
Such good advice.
I've always heard "Don't go to bed angry". Don't take that advice. Most times, you're both tired and it's late. Sleep on it and continue the conversation the next day.
Don't keep score.
Accept/admit when you've screwed up and move on.
As a married woman, all of the advice presented in this thread are gold. My own advice would be to never suppress feelings for the sake of your partner.
Being 100% honest with your partner will encourage them to be open with you as well, and you'll be able to resolve arguments way easier.
That's relationships for you.
This isn't a Disney movie—this is real life. And snags are going to happen from time to time.
But the way you and your partner(s) handle it is entirely indicative of how your relationship operates
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Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.