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People Explain Which Dating Red Flags Instantly Signal A Breakup

"Reddit user Shinfekta asked: 'What red flag is an instant break up reason for you?'"

Picture of a pink heart tearing in two, hung off a red and white string, set against a black background
Kelly Sikkema/Unsplash

When you're in a relationship, it's important to stay alert.

Yes, you of course want to give in to love.

But when you start seeing red flags, be vigilant.

You're gut always knows more than you give it credit for.

Sometimes those flags are a sign that it's time to jump ship.

if you see them... run.

Redditor Shinfekta wanted to compare notes on why people would immediately end a relationship, so they asked:

"What red flag is an instant break up reason for you?"

The signs are always there, but I tend to put on blinders.

I need to do better.

A Big Deal

Illustration Text GIF by Jacqueline Jing LinGiphy

"Someone that casually says they've cheated. There's no way around that for me."

Kitchen-Bid-8235

"Or worse when they treat cheating as somehow noble."

2diceMisplaced

Hear Me!

"Wanting and demanding my attention but not reciprocating whatsoever."

Cranky_Windlass

"My ex. She would get pissed when she would talk to me about something while I was working and I wasn’t giving her my full attention. But every time I wanted to tell her something while she was doing nothing, she would get 'ADHD distracted' and completely ignore me or interrupt me to say something completely irrelevant."

ModestMustang

"I had a friend like this! he literally completely ignored me for 6 months and then blew up at me for not responding to him within an hour. Very strange."

KindBrilliant7879

Wronged

"Never admitting a mistake."

Curious-Force5819

"I know a total hottie that is notoriously known for not being able to admit he’s wrong, sucks because he’s a gem outside of this. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a fair and responsible person in general… but he 100% can’t admit he was wrong in banter or a light argument even when he realizes he realizes he’s wrong hahaha lost confidence in him ASAP."

Zomgirlxoxo

"This is a big one, even when these types of people apologize they still pass the blame. 'I'm sorry for my behavior but you made me really angry.'"

space_being135513

Never Again

"Unmanaged mental illness. Never again."

RuggedHamster

"I was with a girl that had that and I helped her through all of it and it was so hard to deal with it all but somehow I managed but when she felt better she just left me for her best friend’s ex and I was left with all that trauma because I loved her with all my heart and soul but she was just using me to feel better… and when she broke up with her best friend’s ex she came crawling back begging me to be with her again but it was too late.. the damage has already been done and I can’t do that again even though I still love her but I can’t tell her that... sorry for venting."

d7oomy998899

Afterthought

Sad Sponge Bob GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy

"If someone makes you feel alone, that you don't matter, or if you are a second choice on most of the occasions, you need to leave."

Mycatsnameislegolas

Always know when to acknowledge your feelings.

And know when to depart.

Behavior

Andre Leon Talley Manners GIF by GIPHY NewsGiphy

"How they treat animals, children, elderly, handicapped, and service workers."

REDDIT

"A wise man once said: judge a person not by how they treat their equals, but by how they treat their inferiors."

Major-Ad148

Just Kidding

"Being mean as their 'thing' or 'just a joke.'"

netsbr

"'I'm just sassy!'" No, you're a bi*ch."

BansheeShriek

"I’m going to be honest, with certain friends I am absolutely ruthlessly mean, to the point that people are actually concerned it’s just bullying."

"However with strangers, I’m nothing like that. And the friends that I am meant to, they do the exact same thing back to me. We also know that if we need each other, then the meanness is dropped instantly, and it’s nothing but support and love."

5tr4nGe

​Well-Meaning

"Zero accountability for anything. Everything they do is absolutely justifiable because, well, they mean well."

Throw_thethrowaway

"Yeah, I was looking for this answer! And it’s true outside of romantic relationships also! I had to end a friendship over this exact behavior- it was never her fault, always the victim, and her hurtful behavior shouldn’t be addressed because she 'meant well…' but my feelings are still hurt so why don’t I matter?!"

helibear90

"This. Can't stand people who always play the victim or blame everyone else and never take accountability for what they do."

_5minutesalone

Boundaries

"This one may take a while, but I would break up if I notice them creeping over personal boundaries, and not stopping when I tell them about it."

"People cross each others' boundaries all the time. I'm happy to give the benefit of the doubt until it becomes apparent that they have no intention to respect me."

"For example, if I don't like tickles or being startled, don't do that. It's not about the tickling, it's about them respecting me. And if there's no respect, there's no relationship."

Ptatofrenchfry

Talk to Me

Sarah Jessica Parker Hbo GIF by DivorceGiphy

"If I'm hearing about a problem in our relationship from someone else rather than the partner. It shows huge trust issues."

"I've seen three divorces in my life, and they all were the result of the girl venting to her mother and her friends about issues she should have discussed with her husband."

michajlo

Communication is key.

If you're not talking to you're partner, why are they you're partner?

People Divulge The Wildest Cheating Stories They've Ever Heard

Reddit user WCh3L3 asked: 'What’s the wildest cheating story you’ve witnessed or happened to you?'

Paper heart ripped apart
Kelly Sikkema/Unsplash

The people who love you the most can break your heart because of their betrayal of trust.

Cheating is cowardly and inexcusable, but depending on the situation and the couple, it is possible for them to find a path to healing emotional wounds.

But there are some ways in which infidelity is totally unforgivable.

That's the kind of scenario Redditor WCh3L3 was curious to hear about when they asked:

"What’s the wildest cheating story you’ve witnessed or happened to you?"

It must be exhausting leading double lives.

Hospital News

"A friend of a friend found out that her husband was cheating when she got to the hospital to see her husband who had just moments before been brought in by ambulance after a serious car accident only to be denied entry to his room because 'his wife was already in the room with him.'"

"He had two simultaneous lives with two women, neither of which was aware of the other."

– JeBronlLames

The Ruse

"My ex-wife pretended to be admitted to a mental health ward for long term treatment while actually staying with her new man and cheating on me."

– Impossible-Visit-199

"This one is just next level."

– most-royal-chemist

"That’s some Batman villain level of intrigue and machination. His wife missed her calling and wasted her abilities on sleeping around."

– filifijonka

A Separate Life

"My friend's mom was in a relationship with a guy for years and they ended up getting engaged and due to marry."

"The guy was a senior director of a company for which he travelled every week abroad for business."

"Eventually, the guy had a heart attack and when my friends mom turned up at the hospital, his wife and 2 kids were there also."

"Turned out he was already married with children and living a double life the whole time. When he went 'abroad' for business, he was simply going back to his actual family."

– wallbagz

Here's The Story

"My dad did this. He worked nights and would juggle both families that way."

"He came clean after he got admitted to hospital for heart trouble and realised that if things went badly he’d end up in this exact situation."

"I was 16 when he came clean that I have an older brother and sister. They found out about me then too - as did his wife."

"ETA: I’d actually already figured it out before he told me though. Nobody else had."

"EATA: I saw a preview of a text on my dad’s phone from my sister. I didn’t know she was my sister obviously, but it said ‘hi dad, mum says…’"

"At first I was in denial and I thought his friend must have borrowed his phone or something. I started to watch him more closely."

"He had a ringtone (lol the 00’s) that would say the name of the caller. I noticed whenever a certain name rang he’d leave the room. Some tactical eavesdropping later and 15 year old me had it figured out that I had a brother and sister."

"I didn’t clock I had a stepmother though, or that I was family no2 and they were his primary family. But I still think I did pretty well!"

"My whole family on my mum’s side knew - mum respected that it was my dad’s secret to tell and she gave him time to tell it. (Although they did have a few arguments about it as I was growing up, I never knew what they were about at the time.)"

– notemily-

Life is never the same once the truth comes out.

Shameless

"A family friend's husband was having an affair for 20+ years and that woman knew the entire time about his family. He was at her ranch one time and was bucked off a horse and broke his back. The affair partner called his wife to tell her and acted like everything about this situation was normal and the wife had no reason to act all upset at the affair. Some people really just have no shame."

"Guy lived and made a complete recovery, left his mistress and they stayed together since they were working on their relationship. He died a few years ago and the wife finds out he never actually left his mistress just lied."

– SailoLee92

Unilateral Decision

"In a small town the husband kept telling people he had an open marriage; finally someone asked his wife about it, she was unaware of this new arrangement."

– Long_Strange_Trip_GD

Rehab Romance

"Was in rehab, two people were there for sex addiction one a minister the other a Jewish housewife. They left rehab together early. Woman divorced her husband who sent her to rehab for sex addiction and married the guy she met in rehab. They are still married 10 years later and seem very happy."

– Life-Evidence-6672

On The Case

"I knew a guy years ago that was a private investigator. Many times he was approached by a spouse who suspected their partner was cheating."

"He had a slam-dunk strategy. He would suggest his client sign up for a course, whether a hobby thing, or educational. The key was that the class would happen for a period of weeks, all on the same day of the week, and all at the same time of day."

"Then, while his client was in class, he would follow the spouse."

"Caught them every time."

– PJMurphy

If you have a hunch about an unfaithful significant other, it's there for a reason.

Going For A Run

"Had a coworker who cheated on her live-in boyfriend. She would tell him she was going for a run, put on her shorts without underwear and would f'k her side piece in the apartment parking lot. So then she would come back inside sweaty 30 mins later and needed to shower and it all made sense to her boyfriend, he never questioned it. She was an awful human."

– rashawah

It Made Scents

"A friend caught her husband cheating because he kept coming home smelling like ferrets."

"Hard to play off 'long day at work' and explain that."

"When she found out at a holiday party that one of the young female coworkers owned ferrets, it all made sense."

– benloe7

Special Delivery

"I used to go to a comic shop. And the comic shop owner knew all of the gossip in the area. Nice dude. Remembers all of his regulars and asks about you if he hasn’t seen you in awhile to check in on people. Lot of people in the area grew up with his shop. So he’s got stories."

"Anyways he told us about this story from some years back about this regular. Who disappeared for a few months. Comes back one day. And the shop owner asks him, 'hey, man. Haven’t seen you in awhile?' Kind of like where have you been. The regular was like oh I’ve been getting divorced. I had to move it was a whole thing."

"So naturally the shop owner asks. 'Why are you divorcing your wife?' The regular caught his wife cheating."

"He had picked up a 2nd part time job as pizza delivery man because he was trying to fund to take his wife on her dream vacation. All of the money he earned from that job was supposed to go into that vacation. He had been working this job for like 6 months. It was a whole secret. She didn’t know he was doing that for her. Because he was trying to surprise her."

"He was the pizza delivery man at the motel. She was cheating at him with. The dude she was cheating on him with answered the door with her right next to him."

"He apparently didn’t even go back to the pizza place. He quit on the spot. Went home. Packed his sh*t and left town."

– TheMysticalPlatypus

Those who are unfaithful in their relationships may think they're good enough for more than one person, but they're usually not.

And while you may not believe in it, there's something called karma, and watching it enact justice can be extremely gratifying.

If you were the one being cheated on, know that the person with whom you've fallen in love is not the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with and there will always be a better human who will respect you and love you.

And if you were the cheater, watch your back. Because whether you believe in it or not, karma's coming for ya.

CW: Death and miscarriages.

It's always sad when a couple doesn't make it all the way.

Especially when a promise was made.

Isn't that what an engagement is?

A very expensive promise.

Diamonds ain't cheap.

Redditor mimi_nivi wanted to hear about the reasons why finally getting to "I DO" was impossible, so they asked:

"People who were engaged at one point but never got married, what happened?"

I've never been engaged.

And I thank God everyday.

My laundry list of exes is full of stains.

Not in Bed?

Season 5 What GIF by The OfficeGiphy

"Came home for lunch one day to surprise her. Surprise was on me as she was in the middle of doing her co-worker on my couch. I loved that couch."

Siguldg

3 Months Before

"He wasn't participating in the wedding planning at all and I realized he didn't actually want to get married. There was a lot of pressure from his family and admittedly, me as well. I just wanted a family and to be married and hadn't really paid attention to his reluctance up until that point."

"It was 3 months before the wedding and I sat down and reviewed our relationship. We were incompatible at several crucial points, even though we loved each other a lot. So I called off the wedding and ended it and while we were both sad, we were also relieved."

"This was more than a decade ago and whenever we run into each other we catch up and there are no hard feelings at all. He's married and a father now and I couldn't be happier for him."

Midnight_Muse

Back in 2012

"She died due to seizures. 3 am: she was home alone. She woke up and had a seizure and unfortunately hit her head against a wall… 7 am: she was supposed to show up at her parent's house to drop off the dog before work. She didn’t. 9 a.m.: her parents went to check on her, the dog was fine, but she was unresponsive. 9:30 am she was declared deceased at the scene. 10 am: I was at work and I got a call from her father… I lost it right there. It was back in 2012 but still, I’m not over it yet."

Fragrant-Snake

Cruel

"We had like 6 miscarriages."

"At the end of the relationship, he said something to me like 'It’s just so hard… I look at your face and I feel like I SEE nothing but 6 dead babies.'"

"Can’t really come back from that one. I mean some people can. We couldn’t."

"It’s crazy in hindsight but everything just kind of worked out. I have two beautiful daughters and a stepdaughter I love and a great life!"

relentpersist

Whoops

"Turns out she liked vagina as much as I did."

wayneo88

Sometimes too many of the same interests are NOT a good thing.

Lesson learned.

Thank You

Preach Amy Poehler GIF by SistersGiphy

"He cheated before we got married and I found out. I thank the stars every f**king day I didn’t marry him."

fatfemmebish

Old Friends

"She started hanging out with an old group of high school friends and just changed. She became extremely nasty over wedding plans, telling me we had to have the exact same number of guests on both sides. If I had one more guest than she did, she made me remove someone from my side. I knew if I moved forward it would have ended in divorce, so I just ended it before it got to that."

Wastoponcene

True Colors

"The longer we lived together leading up to the wedding, the more he showed his true colors. One day while I was cooking dinner for us he started screaming at me, like an inch from my face, and called me a (see you next Tuesday.) Something about it snapped some sense into me. I walked out and never went back."

gamergirl007

Technicalities

"We’re still technically engaged, but we never wanted a wedding. We met way late in life (I’m 50, she’s in her mid-40s), no kids, and if we get legally married the gov’t f**ks with her disability assistance so she is my spouse, my partner, and my soul mate. But we don’t feel the need to get married. But I do have a living will just in case. We will be celebrating our 10-year anniversary early next year."

lovedontfalter

Holy Mary

like a virgin madonna GIFGiphy

"The Holy Spirit came to him in a dream and told him that he couldn’t marry me because I wasn’t a virgin."

hitlersd**k69420

Well, sometimes it's just not meant to work out.

And that sounds like a blessing.

A man and woman naked and snuggling
Photo by Dainis Graveris

Sex is natural, sex is fun.

So sayeth the great George Micahel.

Spontaneous lovemaking leaves a lasting impression.

Or at least a great ten minutes.

Redditor hockeysmyh*e wanted to hear about all the times sex came as a surprise, so they asked:

"What is the most unexpected time you’ve ever had sex?"

One day in college... all it took...

Me on one escalator.

Him on another.

One wink.

Nerves

Kill Me Now Season 1 GIF by FriendsGiphy

"After what I thought was a horrible 1st date. She was on her phone literally the entire time. When we get to her house she says 'Wanna come inside?' Turns out, she was just nervous on the date."

earic23

Questions Answered

"I was a very young-looking 22-year-old volunteering at a film festival as community service for a reckless driving ticket."

"One of the filmmakers visiting from another country who was around 30 started talking to me and she kept asking me weird questions like what year I graduated high school and whether I liked certain 15-year-old music."

"I was like this chick is weird, but then she said do you live around here, we went back to my apt and ended up having sex. Afterward, I was like - why did you ask me all those weird questions? And she said, 'I was trying to figure out if you were old enough!'"

"We ended up hanging out the whole week and then she went back home and that was it. Good times."

kaspm

And Nothing Else...

"I was at a hotel in college with a bunch of other college kids and a bunch of us were in one room drinking. I had to go to the bathroom but someone was using the one where we were. I said I was going back to my room to use that one and also to get some more beer. A girl in the group asked if she could come with me. When I came out of the bathroom she was wearing one of my t-shirts. And nothing else. I did not go back to the party room with more beer."

Amesb34r

Right Then and There...

"I got late-night sushi with a friend. She treated me since I was going through a nasty breakup. After a few sakes, we began to head out. She grabbed me by the sleeve and pulled me into the bathroom. She began hard-core kissing me and we ended up having sex right then and there."

topherthepest

Gor For It

like a virgin madonna GIFGiphy

"Gondola lift going up a mountain in Switzerland. My wife and we’re backpacking for 21 days around Europe and unexpectedly found ourselves alone on the gondola. We just looked at each other, smiled, and went for it. Fantastic experience."

CBus-Eagle

That gondola must have had might strong cables!

New bucket list item.

Burn Off

So Excited Reaction GIF by OriginalsGiphy

"Against the side of my boyfriend’s house while his family ate dinner inside."

"He wanted to take me up to his room, his parents said no, so he said we were going for a walk instead. Burn off some energy. It was surprisingly great."

whitneywestmoreland

'Ayyyy'

"For the record, I'm the most oblivious person ever. But a friend of mine invited me to attend her yoga class with her. I didn't think about it at the time but she was giving me a lot of hands-on attention and help. We went back to her place afterward and walked and talked on a Greenway near her house."

"She said something along the lines of 'I'll tell you a secret if you tell me one' and I said some s**t about not believing in myself and she told me she was 'trying to get f**ked tonight.'"

"I didn't realize she meant by me but as a joke, I said 'Ayyyy' like I was Fonzy or something and put my arm around her. The next thing I know she's putting her tongue in my mouth, I realized that I'm brain dead, and things progressed from there."

slaughterpuss25

Pillow Fight

"I went over to a friend's house. She and I had been friends since elementary school and never took it further than that because we had no interest in it. Anywho, we were watching TV in the living room having a fun debate back and forth and she threw a pillow at me so I threw it back at her and it started a pillow fight, she grabbed me and tried to take the pillow from me."

"We were not extremely close to each other and we noticed it and looked at each other...i t then turned into sex in the living room, leading into her bedroom. Afterward, we laid in bed and talked for a while and then it continued for several years. Now we’re married with two kids."

Metalblacksheep

NOW!!

"When my wife and I were dating, she drove a friend out of town to see her husband, who was just completing boot camp, and I tagged along for the weekend. We spent that 1st night in the same room, with us in one bed and the friend in the other. I wasn't expecting anything, seeing as how we had someone 'THISCLOSE' to us, but after we thought the friend fell asleep, my wife started kissing and groping me."

"She said she wanted it, but I resisted. After a couple more minutes, she finally just flat-out said 'Do Me. Now.' It was the most unexpected, slowest, quietest, and hottest sex ever. The next day, the friend made a comment that she couldn't sleep because we were moving around too much. She knew."

cb0044

The Crush

Alicia Silverstone Flirting GIFGiphy

"In the car with a co-worker who was driving me home. I admitted to another co-worker that I had an extreme crush on this girl. What I didn't know was that she immediately told her about my crush."

"So when she offered to drive me home (I always walked, it was only a couple of miles) I thought she was just being nice and taking me home... lol."

Real_Bug

Clearly we all need to be reading the signs and signals.

We miss out on so much.

No two couples have the same feelings towards sex.

For some, it's just a nice possibility, something they know they can always enjoy, but never feel particularly eager to do.

For other couples, saying their sex life is "active" would be the understatement of the century.

Then there are those who like to be a little more adventurous, exploring things to either spice things up, or possibly broaden their horizons.

This might include asking a third to join them.

Sometimes however, while one member of the couple is eager to give this a try, the other might not feel as inclined, and might even find themselves appalled at the very idea.

Redditor F*ckaught was curious to hear how people's partners might react at the suggestion of inviting a third member to join them in the bedroom, leading them to ask:

Asked And Answered

"She said no."- AtrumAequitas

Nice Try

"I asked."

"She said 'alright, go find someone'."

"She called my bluff."

"She knows I won't go out and socialize, let alone as for a threesome."- LuluTheNightshade

A Rock And A Hard Place... (Head Out Of Gutters People!)

"We already had that conversation."

"It got shelved because I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it with a stranger, and she didn’t feel comfortable doing it with someone we knew."

"Without any possible middle ground, there was just no way it was going to happen."- Qyro

Decide One Of Us GIF by Challengers MovieGiphy

Just Not Worth The Risk

"I'd find myself in a 1some real fast."- Apprehensive-Care20z

The Bed's Already Too Crowded...

"She dislikes 2 somes so not well."- AccomplishedBat8731

Depends On The Third...

"She would say, 'with another guy?' and that would end the conversation pretty fast."- AC_Lerock

gay GIFGiphy

Eerily Specific...

"She would ask me if my best friend Thomas can join us."- petitbatte

Ouch!

“'Oh, you wanna disappoint two women at once?'”- driago

When There's A Partner To Ask...

"My right hand would be very offended if I tried to bring my left hand into this."- Tropical_Penis123

Lonely Loser GIF by TravisGiphy

A Little Too Excited?

"She'd probably open the door and let her 'just-a-friend' in seconds after I proposed the 3some."- ToastMaster_404

One And Only

"She'd cry at the fact that I'd want to touch another woman."

"Things definitely wouldn't be the same and honestly I'm happy just banging her."- Vivid_Ad1127

"Same thing I would say if she asked me, 'I love you and I can share most things, but not you'."- mmastrocinque

Dance Love GIF by TRTGiphy

Only Three?

"'We have foursomes at home'."- chubberbrother

Absolutely Not

"I am sure she would be heartbroken and cry nonstop."- Reddit

FOMO?

"She’d tell me she’d ask the fellas if I could be in the next one."- Listening_Heads

marilyn monroe hollywood GIF by Coolidge Corner TheatreGiphy

Some might say everything's worth a try, at least once.

Others know not to mess with something that is perfectly fine as it is.