Men Break Down Which 'Girly' Things They Wish Were More Universally Accepted For Guys

Unfortunately, toxic masculinity is still passed down from generation to generation. Things are deemed too “girly" for a man to do when they really have no reason to be so gendered. A lot of men out there do want to break these societal norms--but they may not know how to go about it.
These guys might have a few ideas. Reddit user Eicaker asked:
Boys, if it was considered more universally acceptable, what is a "girly" thing you would like to do?
Weirdly enough, a lot of these so-called “girly” things are just basic human decency.
Be the change, dudes!
“Hug people more/compliment people more, I'm a guy and whenever I do any of those things people think I'm being weird and it's so annoying.”
“In a weird way I wish I was a girl, but not because of any girl thing except for how supportive and friendly they are, particularly with other girls. It sounds like an easy way to make a lot of friends.”
This is so sweet.
“I brush my friends hair and she taught me how to braid it. We keep it quiet.”
“I taught my son to french braid hair when he was a young teen because I remember being impressed as hell with a guy who could do this. My son practiced and got really good at it.
He's reported back that girls have responded very positively to this skill.”
More guys need to do this.
“Talk more openly about feelings, some sh*t really just needs to be worked out.
Edit: This is just a general suggestion, I personally have a support structure in my life that allows for this. However thank you for the concern(s), comments, and the awards (which I never expected).”
“My best friend is a guy and whenever he needs to call me to talk he apologizes? After. Like "Sorry that was like two hours, I'm just really frustrated." And I always have to remind him that that's why I'm here. Like we're friends dude, don't feel like you're bothering me because you want to talk about how someone did you dirty. I end up just sitting in my car talking so we're not constantly interrupted by my kids trying to talk, it's not like I had to do anything.”
Society has really weird rules for what men can consume or wear. If these things became more socially acceptable, I think the world would be a better place.
Fruity cocktails are the best way to get drunk.
“Drink a rainbow colored cocktail at a bar and watch more romcom sh*t.”
“"Real men drink beer!"
OK sasquatch. You drink your beer-flavored seltzer water and I'll continue to throw back these exceptional 1-800-f*ck-me-ups.”
Dollhouses are the best.
“Not a guy, but one time I went to a famous toy store with a guy friend and they had a HUGE dollhouse section. I was freaking out because I love dollhouses, and my friend's eyes got really big and he confessed that he had always loved dollhouses but never felt like he was allowed to play with them as a kid.
So we hung out looking at tiny furniture for like an hour.”
Why are scents gendered?
“I want to smell like a coconut or a summer breeze, not BATTLESHARK or TIMBERKNIFE.
Also please make more conditioner for guys. I don't want to buy a bottle that works as shampoo, conditioner, sunscreen, lotion, and siracha sauce all in one.”
People Share The 'Dirty Secrets' That Their Bosses Don't Want Customers To Know
Anyone can bake!
“I used to think baking was girly, but I've been doing it since a kid and I absolutely love it.”
“I find this stereotype so funny. Hmm, yes, you know what's manly? Having to rely on others for food because you can't be bothered to touch a stove or oven. I cook for myself and I love doing it.”
If we stopped assigning gender to the most random things, the world would be a better place.
This guy gets it.
“Guy in his 40s married with two kids. My hobbies include playing drums / woodworking / hiking. I take baths and put bubbles in because I like nice smells and it relaxes aches after working. I use moisturiser that includes sunblock because I'm in my 40s and my skin looks f*cking great.
I use conditioner on my hair because it's no extra effort and makes a massive difference. I drink whatever cocktails sound appealing / I haven't tried before because you only live once. I prefer mixed company because guy chat can be tedious.
I take care of what I eat but I'm not obsessive about exercise. I enjoy gardening and my home is full of houseplants which I tend religiously. I have a huge interest in design / art and music of all types with a special interest in jewellery design.
If somebody tells you sh*t is girly its pure ignorance and at my age I have zero f*cks for that kind of limited mindset.”
Everyone needs a plant or two.
“I don't know if this counts, since it's not generally girly thing but I'd love to have a lot of houseplants.
But not the typical ones no no no, I want to focus on various herbs. Be it conventional ones like mint and its types or more wild ones like cowslick or firegrass. Essentially I want to get as close to a witch as possible while still keeping my logical worldview.”
Leggings are the best.
“So, uh, don't judge but -
Leggings are pretty great.
Seriously, there's a reason they've become so popular with women, they're just really d*mn comfortable. And I know they've gained popularity in men for athletic purposes but not just casual wear, maybe they will someday.”
Men, just be yourselves. Even if it means embracing your feminine side.
Cat dads are the best.
“I love kittens and hate dogs. Don't get me wrong, I would never harm a dog and I get sad if I see a dog in a bad situation. I just don't want to live with them.
Anyways, the taboo of a guy with cats held me back for quite awhile. And I wish I could have shown more of myself in my twenties.”
Wear that skirt, boy.
“Wear a skirt. Well, people do not complain if I do. Wear long nails. Well, most people do not complain if I do. Wear nail polish. Most people do not care. Waste tons of money on fancy shoes, bags and stuff.”
Flowers for everyone.
“Flowers. Fresh ones all over the house. Roses on the piano and tulips on my organ. Buying flowers at the store I feel like I have to pretend they are for my wife but secretly they are for me!”
Preach.
“Considering I grew up with only women and I'm comfortable with myself and my sexuality I literally just do whatever I want....
Hugs, flamboyant exaggerations when I'm excited, hand movements when I talk, gasping and putting my hand to my chest etc.
Anyone who is uncomfortable behaving like themselves needs to get over how other people view them and just be themselves.
I get that the question is a generalization, but I think it is utterly pathetic that most guys feel like they have to put on this "manly man" persona for anyone to take them seriously.
I'm more of a "man" than any of the guys I grew up with and I'm 1000% more feminine than all of them.”
They’re the best.
“I'd like a lightweight robe. Can't really find a decent one as a dude without looking/feeling like Hugh Hefner or looking too feminine to feel comfortable.”
I personally love a man who embraces the not-traditionally masculine parts of life. My husband is the best cook I know and does almost all of the cooking in our house (I help sometimes). There are still a lot of men out there who would consider that a "woman's job", but talent in the kitchen supersedes gender.
In short, toxic masculinity makes no sense, and it needs to be stopped. Let men enjoy things
- Men Explain What They Wish Other Guys Would Immediately Stop Doing - George Takei ›
- Women Break Down The Things They Wish Men Would Stop Doing Immediately - George Takei ›
- People Debate The Sexiest Things That Men Can Wear - George Takei ›
- Men Break Down The Most Ridiculous Reason Someone's Questioned Their Masculinity - George Takei ›
- Guys Explain Which Things They Really Enjoy That Are Considered 'For Girls Only' - George Takei ›
- People Describe The Manliest Things They’ve Ever Done - George Takei ›
Everybody needs a job.
But some colleagues can be an issue.
And some careers and jobs bring about those that have work ethic issues.
So what do we do?
We make it work, of course.
We pray and hope everyone will do their best.
Redditor Glaurung1536 wanted to discuss the people we all work with, so they asked:
"Which profession attracts the worst kinds of people?"
Some jobs are the worst. So maybe it's not always the people.
Bad Influence
"Ok so not really a profession but… there is a certain subset of musicians who are also wannabe influencers… particular people who are very on twitter. so back-stabby and clout hungry."
curoku
The Worst
"I’m a casino dealer. People losing money brings out the worst qualities in them. Especially when I deal high limit games. Plus the pit boss/supervisors won’t throw a person out who is literally spending thousands. Doesn’t matter what they do or say. The casino doesn’t want to lose those kinds of patrons."
"They’re catered to. They can be so awful to the dealers. The job has made me look at humanity in a completely different light lol."
"Pro relationship tip: Bring a date to the casino and see how they treat the dealer if they’re losing. You’ll see what kind of person they really are. I have about 10 years of experience in the industry."
kaioina
Crazy Eyes
"Stockbrokers. I have some friends who are stockbrokers. I love them, but man, they are some bullsh*t artists. And not like, 'Oh, they're a good salesman, and could sell you anything,' No, it's like they make sh*t up as they go along and try to sound confident in what they say."
LawnGuyLand94
"I have met a couple people who were successful, lifelong stockbrokers. To be a successful, lifelong stockbroker, you actually have to like what you do. They all had crazy eyes. Each and every one."
RoofClinger
Drive On
"Tow truck drivers. At least 80% of all the tow truck drivers I've met have been felons, and about 98% have been shady d**kheads."
Blue8Delta
Tow truck drivers are definitely gruff.
Bounced
"Bouncers. I swear those people are always looking to create trouble so they can exercise their right to kick a**."
hatredwithpassion
"Former bouncer in my youth, and I can 100% confirm that most of the drama we were in was caused by the two biggest guys that just wanted to f**k with people and brag about it while we were having our after-shift drinks."
nifaryus
Lifeless Humans
"Paparazzi."
SuvenPan
"Absolutely lifeless humans. Audio-visual bottom feeders with a camera, searching for scraps and the next payment. Not only does their profession provide something that is arguably valueless, but the means to produce it is abominable. Predatory mannequins that need removal."
ByTheCreed
Sell. Sell. Sell.
"Pyramid scheme. Property agents."
polymathicus
"I have had a few friends that have become realtors later in life. The ones that stayed with it, it totally changed who they are. After a few years they are hardly recognizable as the same people. Vein, shallow, and 100% of the time they are in character and trying to sell."
StrayMoggie
Big Impacts
"I thought I wanted to be an architect… but then I met a bunch of architects. And architecture students. And architecture professors. And they were pretty much all A-holes. It was weird. I mean… how could it be so consistent? But there ya have it."
oferchrissake
"I used to teach in a program that often fed students into the world of architecture."
"Every semester I would orchestrate one charette where I would bring in architects to critique student work. No matter how much coaching I did (to both visiting architects and students) students would feel crushed by the feedback. There were almost always tears."
"I often hear back from students that it was the most impactful part of our work together."
Str8intothestorm
Hands Up
"Law enforcement - double-edged sword, because it attracts the best and the worst."
"The best in people who want to help, protect, and do good. The WORST in people who want to exact authority over people. Power-hungry a**holes who are insecure and have short fuses and low tolerance for defiance. If you can't handle someone defying you without losing your sh*t, you shouldn't be a cop."
bluepillblues69
So many jobs full of questionable people.
Did we miss any? Let us know in the comments.
We can't all know and be experts in everything, but there are some things that are vital for us to know, like the basics of keeping a clean home and cooking simple, healthy meals.
But a lot of us were raised in households that taught us a lot of those vital basics, leaving us to have to figure them out on our own.
Redditor Wehause asked:
"People who love to cook, what tips and tricks do you have for beginners?"
Key Rules in the Kitchen
"Prepare everything before you start cooking. Cooking can be so stressful if you ignore this step."
"Clean as you cook. Waiting 20 minutes for that soup to simmer? Take that moment to clean."
"You don't always have to every the recipe down to a tee. Sometimes improvisations can work just fine."
"Food tastes a bit bland? Add more salt. Does the food taste like it just needs something? Add an acid (vinegar, lemon juice, tomatoes, etc)."
"Taste. Your. Food. Don't be like me, the id**t who used precise measuring spoons for his first two years in the kitchen. Add a little bit of salt/spice. Taste it. If it's a bit under-seasoned, add some more. Doing this is how you build up intuition in the kitchen, and it's how you learn how to season things intuitively."
- Distinct_Water_5075
Clean as You Cook
"To kinda go along with the 'Clean as you cook', keep your work area clean, too."
"Set aside something that is your designated trash collector on your counter, so as you're chopping or whatever, all the onion papers, garlic skins, and carrot ends have a place to go."
"I like using paper plates or the meat tray so once I'm done, I can just pick up the whole thing and throw it all away at once."
- iluvhalo
Prep Ahead of Time
"Prepare everything before you start cooking. Cooking can be so stressful if you ignore this step."
"AKA 'Mise en place,' or for us casuals, 'get your s**t together.' Truly makes everything go much smoother."
"My MIL (Mother-in-Law) is continually horrified at using 'so many bowls and cups.' Dang lady, I’m running the dishwasher anyway, so why does it matter? Even if hand washing a prep bowl is like a ten-second cleanup."
- AtlEngr
Go with Medium Heat
"The only time I ever go higher than exact medium heat (aside from boiling something) is to do a quick sear. Always medium or lower."
- ConsiderationWise205
Seriously, Medium Heat!
"I can’t even say this loud enough or repeat it enough. Medium heat!"
"In college I had a friend ask how I made grilled cheese both melty and without burning. He was just putting it on high and sticking the sandwich on the pan."
- luvitis
Intuitive Spicing
"Taste everything as you cook and do it often. All cooks should be doing that but if you are a new cook it's even more important. Not tasting as you cook is like covering your eyes as you paint or plugging your ears as you play music."
- bajesus
Learn from the Recipe
"What you want to do is cook a recipe as is exactly the first time you make it. Otherwise, you really can't properly evaluate it. Halving the sugar since you want less can drastically impact the target flavor. So make it according to the directions once and then rate it."
"You'll end up with a library of actual good recipes (seems rare in this click-views blogging age, unfortunately). Then you can adjust the next time you remake it if you think it should be altered. Or since you now know what it should taste like, measure by feel until you perfect making it again and again without measuring."
"Now you're a chef and creative modifications will soon follow. But doing it properly first will teach you more than just winging everything."
- 7ht4tguy
Take a Note from 'Pirates of the Caribbean'
"If you're cooking recipes are more like guidelines than rules. If you're baking, a recipe is a doctrine."
- NGC_1277
Know the Basics and Go Wild
"If you understand the basics of baking, you can go wild. But it's the 'understand the basics' part that stumps people."
"People hear that baking soda can't be substituted for baking powder (which is true) and then they're terrified to alter a baking recipe."
"There's a book called 'Cooking for Geeks' that's a good read. It gets into the chemistry of acid-base rises, the Maillard reaction, and other underlying principles."
"The trick is to understand what's going on, to learn the savvy to grab vinegar so beaten eggs hold their shape when you don't have the cream of tartar."
- doublestitch
That Steak, Tho.
"Clean up as you cook. If you’re not using a utensil or strainer or whatever you use anymore, clean it while you wait. I’ve kind of made it a game to see how efficient I can be while cooking. It’s kind of fun."
"If you want to make a steak delicious baste it in minced garlic and butter. Then after you’re done basting it, drop your veggies or whatever side in the pan, and shake it around. I’ll do this if I’m trying to wow someone with a good meal. Not the healthiest but is the tastiest."
- Ac997
Start Simple and Grow
"Choose simple recipes, follow each step, and consider why they might be important."
"Give it time, don’t try to rush things through, most food takes time to let the flavors combine."
"Look at cooking videos or read cookbooks, even if you have no intention of making that specific recipe it might give useful information you could have used in other recipes."
"I can recommend looking into authentic Italian cuisine, often simple recipes with few ingredients but the techniques to each step can be crucial to the finished product."
- Daddebuff
Know the Textures
"Not something that will apply to everyone's style of learning, but when I was learning to bake and cook I did a lot of things by hand the first few times and then used a mixer or other tools later. For me, it helped to understand the different possible feelings and textures."
"I knew what to look for when I introduced more appliances and tools because I knew how it felt and how it needed to look from doing it more slowly first (dough is the best example, but there were many other things too)."
- goanaog
Be Careful with the Cookware
"I learned that lesson in my early 20s. You don't have to spend 100s of dollars on good cookware but 50 to 90 dollar set works well."
- geri73
A Hot Pan is Your Friend
"Make sure you let the pan heat up before putting food in it."
- JustDave62
A Necessary Companion
"Get a knife sharpener. I paid like $12 for mine, on clearance, and the difference after sharpening is night and day."
- 314159265358979326
None of these tips are particularly complicated or groundbreaking on their own for someone who frequents the kitchen, but each of these will make a new cook's experience that much sweeter and more savory.
Did we miss any pearls of wisdom? Let us know in the comments below.
We're human, and we can acknowledge that we all make mistakes.
But there's a limit to how much grace any person can be shown for their slip-ups.
In fact, there are some mistakes that a person could make in a single day that could ruin the rest of their lives.
Redditor TunaSaladWithBeans asked:
"How did somebody you know ruin their life in one day?"
Second Chances Included
"Not a barn burner but still pretty bad considering the 'adult' involved. TLDR (Too Long; Didn't Read): So-called adult failed to adult after numerous warnings and went off a metaphorical cliff."
"The clown was a senior married reserve Naval officer who also had a job at a nuclear power facility that required a Top Secret Clearance. He got deployed as a reservist to do classified work in Europe. Nothing James Bond but still not something the US wanted people to know about. It was plenty cushy too: living in a luxury hotel with lots of paid time off base to check out the sights."
"But the clown decided to hook up with a German woman and have an affair. The military doesn't care about that so long as you're above board with them about it so you can't be blackmailed. They don't even tell the spouse. This is spelled out once you get a security clearance."
"He didn't tell the military; they found out another way. But the unit went easy on him. His commander told him either tell his wife or stop seeing this German woman. If he did that, there'd be no consequences; if he didn't, there'd be h**l to pay."
"This warning was repeated to this clown on multiple occasions. The clown said he'd stop. Then he went off to Germany on vacation to, you guessed it, hook up this German woman."
"The commander took it personally that the clown ignored his warnings, disobeyed orders, and lied to him. Go figure. The commander fired him from the cushy job and revoked his security clearance, which ruined the clown's reserve military career."
"Because he needed a security clearance at his civilian job, he lost that too. And of course, his wife found out and divorced him."
"I suppose the clown recovered from this and is doing OK. But I imagine it's just as possible he's living in a van down by the river."
- Eric_da_MAJ
A Life-Changing Drive
"A dude I met was 18 and had been drinking. He was driving down a rural road when he lost control of his car, and flipped it. "He killed his passenger, who was his best friend."
"He was charged with a felony DUI and manslaughter. He was really messed up by this and knowing that he killed his friend haunted him."
"He was also an avid hunter and had to give that up because he was banned from owning firearms as a felon."
"He was in his thirties when I met him and he was pretty messed up."
- teaching-man
Over Before It Began
"Had a friend in college. We were both training to be Pilots. His dad owned an insurance company and gave him the company's credit card to pay for all his flight hours with."
"He got about two years in when he finished his first license. ($30k-50k) Got a DUI halfway through his second license."
"Pilot career down the drain. On top of that, his father's company will be paying for it."
- taylorman8181
Keep Checking In with Friends
"A childhood friend who relapsed from drug addiction. He ingested fentanyl and died all alone in a filthy basement."
"He had been looking healthier, we reconnected, and he was planning his life going forward sober. That hurt a lot, that hope being taken away in a few minutes."
"F**k opiates, fentanyl, and those who deal it. Too many lives are lost every day."
- TheBklynGuy
Hot Off the Press
"My boss had his dream job as a sports editor of the local paper, a nice family, and a young daughter. He called one day to say he wasn’t coming to work."
"Turns out he was busted trying to meet up with a girl he met online for sex, and the girl was actually a cop."
- esmerelda_b
Celebratory Loss
"My friend's wife was diagnosed with cancer. The doctors said she had about a 10% chance of surviving."
"She scheduled her surgery for a month out, and without telling him, took out several credit cards in just her name. She ranked up $100,000 in debt in that month flying around the world and doing everything on her bucket list."
"She had the surgery and chemo after and... lived. She was fine. That debt completely f**ked up their lives for about 10 years."
"The husband, my friend, knew she was traveling. He saw the roughly $10,000 added to their joint credit card. He did not know she had taken out credit and was hiding an additional $90,000 in debt."
"And his wife honestly thought she would die, and then the credit cards would close the accounts and the family would owe nothing. Which is not exactly how it works. So luckily that did not happen."
"It f**ked up a lot of things. He lost his DoD security clearance because of it (people with a lot of debt, can be bought). And he took a less-paying job as a federal contractor, where I met him. But he honestly does not regret it, and is happy to have his wife and kids all alive."
- Bug1oss
Serious Matters
"I knew a guy my freshman year of college. Easily the most socially awkward person I've ever met. Not necessarily a bad guy but a really weird one."
"He was expelled for making a bomb threat. No idea what happened to him after that but I can't imagine anything good."
- cfbethel
Mob Mentality
"Brother of a friend went out drinking with some scumbag 'friends' people had warned him to stay away from. Late into the night, there was an argument with one of them. My friend's brother ended up being part of a group that beat this poor guy to death. He won’t see the outside of a prison for a good 20 years now."
- MargotChanning
Tragically Anticlimactic
"Guy I went to high school with was diagnosed with testicular cancer when we were about 25. For months, maybe years, I would see updated posts about the progress he was making with treatment."
"Then one day he posted on Facebook that he was cancer free. The next day he was dead."
"To celebrate, he'd gone out that night and got absolutely wasted and fell down a flight of concrete steps outside his flat in the early hours of the morning. By the time he was found in the morning, he was gone."
- vicki5150
Just Heartbreaking
"A friend of my parents was a good family man who loved his family. One day he was playing with his toddler and was playfully tossing her on the bed. She would get back up giggling and he would toss her again."
"In one of the tosses, he threw her a bit too far and she hit a bedpost. She lived but became bedbound, unable to even talk."
"He went to jail for child abuse. He lost his wife, his job, and his little girl would never be the same."
- IIVIIORTAL_K
Losing Roulette
"An old coworker went to Vegas, felt really good about his odds due to the liquor, and ended up betting his entire life savings on roulette and lost. He ended up losing his house, his wife, and kids, and from what I've seen he lives in a tiny apartment and works a min wage job."
- Dire-Dog
New Work-From-Home Fear Unlocked
"He ate dinner alone, choked, and died."
- waterloograd
Holy Debt, Batman
"Some kid in our senior year of high school pulled the fire alarm every day. He was getting away with it for a while."
"The school had town officials and the chief of the fire department and the police come in and talk about the dangers."
"The town would send trucks and be without them if there was another emergency. None of that worked."
"When they offered a reward the kid’s friends ratted him out. His family had to pay for all those calls, he was expelled from school and didn’t graduate."
- JediMasterPopCulture
Prescriptions Needed
"A week ago, my little sister slipped on the ice getting out of her car and hit her head. She didn’t think much of it when she had a pounding headache later, figuring she just whacked herself good."
"Her friend told her to just sit down and take it easy until she started slurring her words roughly 10 hours after the fall."
"They called an ambulance for her, but she was going into cardiac arrest. Turns out she’d stopped taking her blood thinners she was supposed to be on for clotting issues. The headache wasn’t the fall, it was the clot in her leg cutting off blood to the brain."
"At the age of 26, she never recovered and leaves behind a four-year-old and two-year-old."
- KearneyZzzyzwicz
Hero Status
"A day horribly altered my life. I was a teacher and coach. For a field trip, the principal 'could not afford two busses,' so I had to walk about ten girls to the field trip location, and back to school, while the one bus was filled with the rest of the junior high students and faculty."
"It would be about a mile each way. I chose the girls of my team because they would listen to me outdoors, unlike lots of middle school kids."
"While crossing the street in the crosswalk, with the walk signal in our favor. All the kids went first, and like girls, they were clumped together and chatting while walking."
"I noticed a woman made a left turn into our crosswalk and never saw us as she tried to accelerate to beat an oncoming car. I knew she was going to run right through the girls."
"I pushed the kids forward, very forcefully. Most of the girls fell onto the pavement in front of other vehicles waiting at their red light. (They were badly scraped up, like road rash from me pushing them. But no hospitals or doctors were needed for their scrapes.)"
"I don't remember the impact. I remember seeing a Pontiac symbol between the headlights. I came to, and I was in a whole different lane, facing where I had just come from. I could not get up. They say my body went up the car, and off the driver's side, tearing the side mirror off the car and breaking her windshield."
"Horror and sobbing from my student-athletes. The girls raised me onto a backboard when the ambulance came, which must have been traumatic."
"Now, 20 years later, I am still an ambulatory wheelchair user. I can't teach or coach. I can't work at a desk. I have chronic pain. Yes, my life can be really sucky, but I would not change what I did that day."
"When I get low emotionally from all my limitations, I remember those girls. I watched them go to college, get married, grow into mothers, and hold impressive jobs in their fields. And when they show a photo on Facebook of their happy moment, it recharges me to know they are safe, healthy, and happy. And it reaffirms my decision to save them from harm."
- CannaBeeKatie
Most of the subReddit shared stories of drug and alcohol use or negligent driving. But some of the stories were far more tragic than gross, and there were even some heartwarming stories thrown in.
But the conversation is an important reminder to be mindful of our actions since they truly could change our lives in a moment.
What separates a human being from a monster?
It's an age-old question about humanity. How is a species that is born out of love and blessed with the ability for critical thinking and making others happy capable of committing unspeakable acts of horror?
The scary thing is anyone is capable of the worst kind of crime–taking another's life.
Does it take one unfortunate moment in a fit of rage or cross paths with the wrong individual resulting in a person snapping and killing someone?
Or, are some of us born with the murder gene?
To answer these questions, Redditor akd432 dug deep into the dark side of humanity and asked:
"People who know murderers, were there any signs that something was off? If so, what were they?"
It could be anyone.
It Started With The Barking Dog
"One of my former co workers decided to shoot a house all because a dog was barking in the back yard of a different house, went on a shooting spree killing the entire family except for the infant that was on the second floor."
"Only thing that was off was his drinking problem."
– Car_loapher
The Friend's Brother
"I’ve met several after the fact, but this is about one I met weeks before the murder."
"My then-husband and I were hanging out and met up with a friend of his and the friend’s girlfriend. The friend gets a call from his brother and invites him join us. The brother arrives, and pretty soon afterwards, the whole vibe changed."
"My ex knew both men since all three were kids, so he was relaxed enough to start drinking around them. I was babysitting a wine cooler because I’m the next thing to a teetotaler and was the designated driver. I kept noticing the brother staring at me, but tried to ignore it, but it quickly became very uncomfortable. I’m nothing special to look at facially, I got the mom-bod on lock, and I was with my husband."
"The brother then asks me why I’m not drinking. I explained that I’m not a real drinker and added that I like to be aware of who and what’s around me. So he asked my husband why I wasn’t drinking. I don’t remember his response, but dude looks at me and says 'we need to get you drunk.'”
"I left to go sit in the car, because wtf was that. I didn’t feel safe or protected because my ex wasn’t even paying attention. About 20 minutes later, dude walks up to my car and asks if I can take him to the corner store. I reminded him that he had a car and he replied that he couldn’t drive because he’d been drinking. I told him I wouldn’t take him, which led to us staring at each other in silence for several moments. He broke the silence by saying 'I bet you’re real loyal. A loyal girl. A good girl. I know that motherf'ker get anything he want from you.' Then he laughed and walked away."
"When I told my ex the next day, he wasn’t bothered and was making excuses for the friend’s brother’s behavior. A few weeks later, there was a report on the news about the body of a woman being found in my exe’s old neighborhood. Find out later she’s been murdered. It didn’t take long to find and arrest her killer, aka the friend’s brother."
– miKezOGnoze
Some kids show signs of being unstable but are easily dismissed as nothing serious until it was too late.
Don't F'k With Squirrels
"I’ve posted about it before but a kid down the street talked about killing squirrels for fun. He was 7ish years old."
"He moved away and we forgot about him."
"20 years later we saw him in the news for brutally killing his parents."
– SchleppyJ4
Led By Vengeance
"I knew Christopher Bennett as a child. Honestly I thought he was a bit of a jerk, then again most little boys are mean to little girls. Especially little girls who are 3 years younger than them and seem to think they can do whatever the boys are doing. Last time I saw him, we had grown up a little, I was 11, he was about 14, he wasn't as mean as I had remembered him. Did I see it coming, no, most people didn't. I mean he was getting into trouble a lot but murder, never thought he had it in him. Then again he was right to kill the bastard he did and I think a lot of other people would become murders if they saw what he did."
– CylonsInAPolicebox
Trophy Collector
"I spent a lot of time at a friend's house when I was 6-9 years old. He had a brother who was like 3 years older than us, who I remember as being generally nice, but I have one weird memory of him absolutely losing his sh*t when he tried to teach me and his brother to roller blade and I couldn't get it--like throwing things and weeping uncontrollably. When I was in high school, found out that he had joined the military, and while he was deployed he got court martialed for killing civilians and keeping body parts (fingers, ears) as trophies."
– StarFanthirteen
Family members share their horrific experiences of being related to a murderer.
The Jealous Sister
"Knew a girl as a freshman in college who was mean, obviously mentally unstable, and not too bright. When her fraternal twin sister fell in love with a good friend of mine, she became enraged with jealousy and could not let it go. Her sister begged her to get help and there was a huge blowout in a hallway on campus where my friend had to intervene to prevent his girlfriend from getting stabbed by her sister. The police were called to campus and she spent a week in jail before her sister decided to not press charges. Her remaining friends dropped out of her life because of her actions and unwillingness to get help. She got kicked out of college shortly after threatening the guidance counselor who was giving her one last chance and moved back in with her parents. When her sister went home for Christmas with my friend to introduce him to her parents, I told him to watch his back. They hadn’t even made it all the way into the house before they were attacked and repeatedly stabbed. My friend died on the porch and she died at the hospital the next day. The murderous sister was beaten to death in a jail fight a few days later.
"I met their older brother, who I didn’t even know existed, at the funeral for the good sister. He said he had gone no contact with the family years before for his own protection because his parents refused to do anything about the mental health problems that his little sister always had, even as a small child."
– howarewestillhere
The Off Uncle
"One of my uncles murdered his wife. He was out of jail by the time I was a kid. Yes, there was always something off about him. My mother told me he was always violent and had a sadistic streak - he liked to make people afraid. He mellowed out as he got older but he was always a user and always looking to take advantage where he could. I’m pretty sure he was a sociopath. My mother had a lot of siblings and he was the only one like this."
– mrsshmenkmen
You think you know someone.
No Murder Vibes
"For 4 years I worked 4 desks away from someone who was arrested and convicted of a 32 year old cold case murder. Dude was an a**hole but didn't give off murder vibes. The general reaction was 'huh, I hope his replacement is less of a d*ick."
– Hobbs172
She Suddenly Snapped
"I knew someone who killed her mother."
"No, absolutely no warning at all. No hints to look back on and say we should have seen it coming."
"She was a perfectly average suburban wife and mother who woke up one day and snapped. And ended up being featured on Snapped."
"She’s currently serving out a 40 year term."
– 5footfilly ·
People joke about individuals going postal when pushed to their limits, but that's all it takes for someone to abandon all sense of logic and go on a killing spree.
But there are also those who have mental issues and are cast off from society and can be triggered to act on any suppressed violent impulses as a possible reaction to being neglected and unloved.
Either way, it's hard to pinpoint exactly what drives anyone to murder.
And the scary thing is, you never really know who a coworker really is when they're off the clock, a neighbor who never leaves their house, or even a family member who has a history of being the polite one.