Sometimes friendships don't last forever. Especially when they exist within a big group of friends--that's when things can get messy, especially when you're young. Eventually, you grow up and realize that the drama just isn't worth it, and part ways.
This seems to be a universal experience. 606hound asked:
Why did your friend group break up?
This phenomenon seems to happen the most after high school. It can be tragic, but sometimes it just doesn’t make sense to be friends anymore.
It’s a lot of work to stay in touch as adults.
“Time and distance means both parties have to work at it to keep it going. There are a lot of people I thought I'd remain friends with all my life who are now people I will always remain in contact with, and if they ever want to try and reconnect, my door is open, and I hope the same offer is open to me should I want to reach out.
I think there's also something to the idea that what made us friends back then isn't who we are today. The friends I am still friends with from my high school days or my university days or my first job days have grown up with me and like me for who I am now, not who I was when we first met, and vice versa. There are people I stay in touch with for the sake of shared history who I am confident we will never make new memories together. That's okay. I care about them to the extent that I like to know they're doing okay, and that's enough for both of us.”
It’s best to avoid people like this.
Tim And Eric Smile GIFGiphy“It was three of us and we were inseparable back in high school. Then, when the girl I was crushing on started hanging out with us more, one of my friends started acting different. At first, he was going out of his way to look good in front of her and like a really good/funny guy. It was annoying. Then it moved to him lying to me and talking sh*t about me to her and other people. And finally, he started to flirt her under the thinly veiled excuse of "wrestling."
A dozen talks and all of them ending in him threatening suicide later, I told him to f*ck off and broke it off."
Gotta grow up at some point.
“Everyone was really fun as a group for the first couple years, but as we got older some grew up and others didn't. Which led to some people doing some sh*tty things to others in the group that brought on some fights and arguments which eventually split everyone up.
There are a few members of the group that I stay in contact with but we will likely never hang out as a group again.”
They had to learn their lesson twice with these folks.
“Girl A told girl B that this boy was cheating on B. B called A a liar and physically fought her. All my friends took different sides. I remained neutral like Switzerland. I am now the one with no friends since those backing A were angry I was still talking to those backing B and viceversa.
Edit for answers:
- The guy was cheating but made B think she was crazy for believing A. He was abusive and toxic. They are still together 15 years down the line and have 2 children.
- I sort of took A's side as she was right but my best friend (C) took B's side. A had no problem with me talking to B and the ones on her side. My then best friend C got jealous I was also talking to A and got the girls on A's side to stop talking to A.
- Whole group rekindled about a year later, apologies were exchanged. B never joined any plan as the guy didn't want her to see her friends.
- When me and A started uni (we were the only two from the group that went to university) everyone stopped calling us as we were broke students and didn't have money for clubbing. We tried to organise free plans but no one was interested.
Conclusion:
Lost the same group twice. Better off without them. Girl A is still my best friend.”
Unfortunately, there are common traits between people in a friendship that one might outgrow, like partying, drugs, or other reckless activities.
Drugs can tear apart any relationship.
comedy central GIF by The Jim Jefferies ShowGiphy“Cocaine.
Steve always had a coke problem and so did Shane. Then I got one and it was bad. All the girlfriends blamed Steve and Shane for what happened to me as they introduced me to it.
Then Steve got too coked out while I was at rehab and beat the sh*t out of Shane.
I still talk to Shane occasionally hoping he's ready to quit drinking but the rest of them are long gone.
Drugs suck.”
Growing up means losing friends.
“I think most of my group still hangs out. But over the last five years, I've just stopped talking to them.
I used to be a huge partier, but had a major health event that has effectively ended it. I no longer drink or do hard drugs.
I just lost interest with them since it all revolved around getting messed up. I used to go out maybe a few times a year, but after the social distancing this past year, I lost touch even more. On top of that, my longest friend unexpectedly died due to drugs earlier this year. I'm glad I got out when I did because I was on track for the same fate.
On top of that, I stopped doing Facebook and that has contributed as well. I recently saw they all got together for some 100 days celebration of my friend dying but nobody invited me and I found out after the fact.
Sometimes you just grow up and leave it behind."
All went in different directions.
“I was part of a group of 6 that hung out the summer after high school graduation. This is what happened.
One liked drugs.
One became a cop.
One got sent to jail.
One moved to Oregon.
One is still getting his Masters.
I'm just working.
I still hang out with the guy getting his masters and the guy from Oregon will come back home sometimes.”
Sometimes we just outgrow people. It’s a part of becoming an adult.
Don’t bang your band mates.
band jamming GIFGiphy“Not as much as a friend group, but a band. I was in a pop punk band in high school, and we were together for about 2 years just playing local shows and sucking at writing songs together.
My junior year, I (vocals) started dating the guitar player. Turns out, the bassist and the keyboard player also both had the hots for me. Bassist and Keyboard player dipped, other guitar guy and drummer awkwardly backed out, and me and girlfriend/guitar player did acoustic covers together for another year and a half before she cheated on me and we broke up.
Moral of the story, don't bang your bandmates.”
Big yikes.
“Some friends had very clear mental health issues. One decided to lash out and cut contact for seemingly no reason, another just straight up ghosted everyone and we never found out why.
One of my good buddies from highschool has problems with alcohol and also wants to be a cop despite being racist and sexist. He made a sexual comment to my wife while blacked out and refused to take responsibility. Another friend freaked out months later screaming at us for daring to hold him to account and said a bunch of awful things, we haven't heard from her since.
Growing up f*cking sucks sometimes.”
Something I wish I learned when I was younger was that if a friendship is toxic, it’s more than ok to let them go. It’s no use clinging to people who don’t value you, or are just plain problematic. You’re allowed to leave.
It’s honestly better to just have a few close friends anyway. Friend groups are too dramatic.
We've all done things, or in some cases, regularly do things that others might consider weird.
Even so, we often feel no shame or embarrassment and embrace how unusual these habits are, and take our friends teasing or laughing at us for doing so in stride.
Sometimes, however, we might not like to advertise some of our unusual habits or actions and make every effort to keep them a well-guarded secret.
As raised eyebrows are much easier to take than blatant judgment from friends and peers.
Redditor Key_Nectarine_1969 was curious to hear all the weird things people have done which they still keep under lock and key, leading them to ask:
"What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done that you could only tell people anonymously?"
The Devil [Dogs] Is In The Detail...
"All throughout middle school, there was someone who tucked unwrapped Hostess Devil Dogs into the toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms, so that when you pulled some toilet paper out, the devil dog would fall out into your hand."
"We had to have an assembly about it."
"That person... Was me."- bejeweled_sky
Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time
"Was drunk at an escape room with coworkers."
"It was an extreme one where you are handcuffed the entire time."
"I decided in my drunken state that it would be bada** to dislocated my thumb and slip off the cuffs like the movies."
"It wasn't."
"We got kicked out, my coworkers were weirded out and I had to go to the hospital."
"I quit a few weeks later."
"White collar wasn't for me."- Grotesque-penguin
The Bread Of Heaven
"Stole over 1,000 wafers from church because I really liked the communion wafers & didn’t know where else to get them."
"I felt really blessed & cursed for a long time."- hALLIEcinate
catholic the exorcist GIFGiphyRetracing Steps...
"Once I got off the subway in NYC and I was super early for an appointment."
"So I picked a random guy and just followed him on foot for like 30 minutes, pretending I was like a private detective or something."
"Always kept about a half block behind."
"He turned this way and that, and eventually went into a building I had lived in 9 years earlier."
"It was weird, and so was I."- OKsurewhynotyep
Hygeine Be Damned...
"I found a dead rat in a field when i was younger and kissed it bc I wanted to say goodbye."- qeleia
exercise push up GIFGiphyBad Decisions Have A Way Of Getting Back To You...
"We got super drunk and ate a ton of spicy food in New Orleans."
"Back at the B&B, the food started to come out the back side."
"I was sitting on the toilet sh*tting bricks of fire."
"At that moment, the booze decided to hang a u-turn."
"The trash can was out of reach and I couldn't risk standing up from the toilet for even 5 seconds."
"The closest receptacle was the bathtub."
"I managed to turn in such a way that I could keep shi*ting in the toilet while projectile vomiting into the tub."
"Both ended up clogged, and there was no plunger."
"I had to call the owner to explain that I had destroyed both their toilet and their tub simultaneously."- HoopOnPoop
Things Best Left To Professionals...
"My partner is weirdly prone to cysts."
"I had to drain a 3 inch cyst on her back (thankfully she had a dr's appt the next week), then multiple other little cysts on her legs and chest."
"I never told her to her face but that first giant cyst literally haunted me, the amount of pus and blood I saw....good heavens."- SleepyBiologist
uruguay spot GIF by sargentoPezGiphyAt Least A Lesson Was Learned...
"When I was walking to school one morning, I saw a kid (7-8 yo?) kicking a dog."
"I ran over & kicked the kid and asked him how it felt."
"He ran off and no one saw."
"Still not sorry."- sneezyailurophile
All Creatures Deserve Love
"I was extremely socially isolated as a child and tried to make friends with the coyotes who lived in the woods by our home."
'I caught one in a snare and fed and kept her."
"I wanted a friend."- letthetreeburn
That's What Friends Are For...
"My wife and her best friend pick me up from a frat party black out drunk."
"Then they helped me take a sh*t on the toilet, wiped my a** and then gave me a shower and put me to bed naked."
"Don’t remember any of it."- nc3100
Party Love GIF by Chris CiminoGiphyNot The Right Kind Of Manure...
"One time I went outside at like 2AM and put the garden hose nozzle into my butthole and sprayed some water into it, then farted it out onto the lawn."
"Basically gave myself an enema with a garden hose."
"I did this because I was bored."
"My neighbour saw me and told my dad (lived at home at the time)."- WaspsInMyGoatse
A Little Fantasy Now And Then...
"When I was younger I joined an international dating site that I figured was a scam."
"Put a black square as my picture and gave myself a fake name, and then looked through their users."
"And after about 10 minutes I had like a 100 messages."
"Most of them were messages telling me how handsome I was or how these women fell in love with me at first site."
"Now I knew it was a scam but when ever I felt down or got rejected for a while I would pop back on the site and read a few messages."
'Yeah it’s kinda cringy and probably pathetic but it made me feel better."
"I would just turn off that logical part of my brain that knew it was a scam for awhile and just pretend I was this popular and desirable guy."
"And it honestly got me through the day sometimes."- Demonking3343
dating app GIFGiphyIf anyone says they've never done anything they're ashamed, or at the very least less-than-proud of, in all likelihood, they are lying.
Or, more likely, they understandably want to pretend that it never happened.
Which might be a little easier than harboring a secret.
Who doesn't love a first date?
The anticipation. The hopes and dreams. The romance.
Even those first-date butterflies are fun.
You're hoping this could be the one.
Or maybe this will just be a lot of fun.
Then you sit down with one another and they open their mouth and BOOM... dating disaster.
Life is ruined. Or maybe you were saved.
Redditor MiloMilkOnDrugs wanted to hear about the conversations that can ruin a romantic time, so they asked:
"What's the worst thing someone can say on a first date?"
Having worked as a waiter as long as I did, I can't tell the things I've overheard without fainting.
I'll just say... sometimes it's okay to stay single.
Promises
Players Association Sport GIF by NBPAGiphy“'I need you to promise not to tell my wife.'"
FriendNegative6013
Honk Off
"My cousin (F) went on a first date where in the middle of the conversation, her date reached over and squeezed her breast and said 'Honk.'"
"She said 'What on earth do you think you're doing?'"
He said 'I've had quite a lot of success with that move.'"
"There was no second date. My cousin was the girl. I realized from a comment it was ambiguous."
blu3teeth
Circa 2005
"My mother was freshly divorced and we signed her up on a dating website (circa 2005) Helped her take pictures etc..."
"She met this guy online real smart, seems to have his sh*t together, independent, etc..."
"They set a date at a local restaurant they park side by side."
"The moment she greets him he says: WOW I love those big boobs I can't wait to taste them!"
"She 180° stepped back in her Mazda 3 and f**ked the right off this parking lot lol."
mageakeem
Safety First
"Does anyone know you're here?"
Baby-hazell
"It's a safety thing. Sometimes, people let others know where they'll be before meeting a stranger for a date. However for him to ask can be seen as a little creepy like he would be planning to do something to them and would need to know that info so he can figure out how long she'll be gone before the police are called. If that makes sense."
Hachiko75
Previously...
canadian what GIF by CBCGiphy"I was on a date once, the woman apologized before looking a bit rough because she had just had sex before coming."
REDDIT
What happened to putting your best foot forward?
My goodness, it's not that hard to at least run a brush through your hair.
Mirror Mirror
"'My ex looks way better than you.'"
Academic_Ingenuity84
"What a coincidence. My ex looks way better than you."
"Maybe they can get together and leave us ugly fools to mope about it together."
LurkerOrHydralisk
Oh Baby
"After pulling her chair out for her, you pet her head then rub her belly saying 'I’m gonna put a baby in here.'"
BuffaloInCahoots
"Ha, can you imagine, being a proper gentleman and then ending with a head pat and belly rub?"
phillmybuttons
"I once had a guy tell me on the first date he wanted to have at least six children. I heard later from his sister he married a woman who was already pregnant with someone else's kid, and he had her pregnant again within the year."
ashoka_akira
Family Dynamics
"'You remind me of my mom.' Bonus points if there is this weird attraction component to it."
Kiunan5
"My partner went on a date with a young woman shortly before we met, he said she repeatedly compared him to her father ('my dad drinks scotch', 'my dad is also bald,' etc). He said no amount of attraction could save the date after that."
Digital_Punk
"Oh God, I'm guilty of this one. It wasn't a date. but I told that to a woman I tried bedding later on. Honestly, she didn't look like my mom i was just shooting my shots at trying to keep her around."
Bobtheguardian22
Be Serious
Shouting The Goldbergs GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy"I went to a nice French bistro in the Bay Area, there was a table right behind me and the friend dining. The guy literally said to the girl 'I am the alpha of this relationship.' (in a serious manner). Me and buddy sort of looked at each other while the girl literally burst out laughing, grabbed her bag, and then walked out of the restaurant."
295DVRKSS
It feels like some men have no one to bounce conversation ideas off of.
Or do they really believe what they say?
