Get the cheaters out. Ain't nobody need them. They'll also do anything to cover their butts, which is gross in and of itself. But sometimes the excuses are worth a laugh.
u/so_not_a_redditor asked Reddit:
What's the lamest excuse an ex has given you after getting caught cheating?
Here were some of the answers.
The Wind, I Swear
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I went on a trip, and when I got home all of the pictures featuring me were under the bed. He told me that "the wind was blowing them around", but apparently it was only the pictures I was in, and not the posters or art inches away from them. Keep in mind, he was staying in MY apartment, and they were under MY bed.
Bologna Level: Max
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One of my best friends boyfriends told her that he was sleeping with another girl so he could find out how to please a woman better. When she asked him why couldn't he just ask her, he said he didn't want to make her feel self conscious by asking her.
Anteaters Put Up A Good Fight
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He had hickeys all the way up and down his chest and neck. He told me he got in a fight. Dude, with an anteater?
Travelling Made Me Do It
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I travelled for business a lot, and thought I had a solid relationship. Even cleared the travel job with the wife (now ex) before I accepted. I come home one evening, she picks me up at the airport and everything seems normal. Go to bed that night, wake up in the middle of the night and she's not in bed with me. I hear headboard from next door hitting the wall that separates the bedrooms from the two apartments. 5 minutes after it stops I hear my door open, so I pretend to be asleep. She comes in and gets back into bed and snuggles up to me. Needless to say her excuse was much the same. She told me that since I was gone so much, the guy that lived next door had been hitting on her and she just couldn't resist. I left the next day.
Welp
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My ex in high school cheated on me twice in one weekend with the same guy (I was away for the weekend). It was a childhood friend of hers, so I didn't see it coming honestly.
The first time it "just kind of happened"
The second time she figured since she knew I was going to break up with her, she might as well do it again, "that way he tottally has to break up with his girlfriend now"
Spoiler: He didn't, but I certainly did.
WTF, dude?
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"I'm a Latino. It's in our blood."
He really did say that. I've dated and been friends with a lot of Latino men, he was the only one who couldn't keep it in his pants. It still disgusts me to think about it. He should be embarrassed that he ever said that.
Ma'am, That's Incest
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"He's my half brother!" Saddest thing is she wasn't lying and she was cheating on me with her half brother who was 8 years older than her. Funniest thing is that she told me she chooses him and she was sorry... as if I'd take her back if she chose me. I joke about this story now but back then it really tore into me.
Yikes
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When I caught her I actually laughed. She tried to hide under the covers. I just told the guy "I hope you can afford her". She said she cheated because he was constantly complimenting her on her looks and paying attention to her. I was working 60 hour weeks to pay for a lifestyle we couldn't afford.
Wat
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I had caught him sexting with girls before, so the trust was pretty much gone (unfortunately I was young and dumb at the time, so I didn't immediately dump the sh-thead). Some time after, I had a feeling that something was off about him- so I took his phone when he went to the bathroom and checked his recent messages (not proud, but hey: he reacted abnormally defensive when I tried to talk and I was desperate). First conversation was with a random girl he met online, sexting, sending nudes, discussing when the were going to meet up... And within 3 minutes I found tons of similar conversations, one of them with my best friend. Yelled at him, cried, kicked him out. His response? "It was just a test. Those girls are only friends, I wanted to see if you trusted me enough not to check my phone- Those convos are all fake!" Needless to say I didn't believe him. After he realised I wasn't going to believe him, he told me it was my fault because I was an annoying girlfriend.
Yelled "Well then you must be happy that I'm dumping you!" and closed the door.
I'm Not Buying This
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"But I was thinking of you the whole time!" followed by, "We both [she and guy she cheated on me with] agreed that if y'all [me and guy she cheated with's girlfriend] ever cheated, we would want you to do it with each other!" That's supposed to make me feel better? WTF.
Caught
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Mine just refused to admit that she was cheating.
She decided that she didn't need me anymore (bit of a story there) but instead of leaving me she just started cheating. The guy was someone who she used to work with but got fired from the bookstore.
She and I were mid 20s but this guy was mid 30s, unemployed, no degree or job skills or training (hence being mid 30s working in and getting fired from a bookstore), a big smoker (which she said that she could never date), and MARRIED. She knew that he was married. He knew that she was engaged to me.
I worked midnights at a job which was 75% of our income. So I slept during the day. His wife worked during the day to support both of them. So when I was sleeping and his wife was at work they did their thing. She'd drive over to meet him after his wife left, they did their thing, and made sure to get him home before his wife and she got back before I woke up.
But, nope. She denied cheating. She didn't want me anymore, was sneakily spending as much time as possible alone with him and lying to me about where she was which is how I caught her, and leaving me for him, but according to her she totally wasn't cheating on me with him.
Digging A Hole
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One of my best friends is going through a divorce, and after catching his wife in the act AFTER finding damning evidence, her excuses were "I don't remember it," then "I must've been like, sleepwalking," then "I thought we said we could have an open marriage?" and finally blamed it on him for making her work. Because "if you'd just let me be a stay at home mom, this would've never happened."
Where Do You Come Up With This?
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"They came over and wouldn't leave until we did it! "
One of my ex's when she had a threesome..I literally laughed out loud and hung up the phone, she called a week later ( when her parents got back in town) while I was at work and stupid me answered without looking at who called.. She told me she couldn't call me because he took her phone and said she could only get it back by giving him endless BJs but she was sorry blah blah blah... It was long distance at this point in time so I just hung up without saying a word blocked her number. She was crazy... I called her dad and told him and she got some help but yeah, bullet dodged there.
Sigh
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I am a gay guy and the excuse he gave was :
"You haven't had sex with me in a month. Plus that day you refused to go out on a date with me. You hurt my feelings"
Now some context:
The day this dude was referring to was a WEEK after my Dad's funeral . Later that evening after leaving my place he went to the local hair salon and f***ed the hairstylist.
In the final months of his life my father was extremely weak and had to be hospitalized . This ex was upset that I didn't f*** him as I was too busy spending time with my dying father.
Unfair Assumptions
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Never been cheated on, but my wife was cheated on by her first husband.
His reasoning was that he thought she was already cheating on him, which she wasn't.
This probably isn't the kind of insane, funny, or plain stupid reason you are looking for, but it always made me pissed off at him.
Who Exactly Are You Hurting
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So most people in a relationship, or at least starting one, would probably just turn you down if you wanted to date them. But not this gal I knew. The worst thing is we were friends before this. We were pals from the same circle of friends, had been to several of eachothers' birthdays and holidays. Some how after a night of hanging out it was just her and I, at an all night diner because neither of us could sleep. We talked and eventually I asked her out. We went on some dates, ya-da ya-da. Then on a double date she gets mad at me and jealous of another friend because he has breathing issues so I asked her if it's fine if he sits in the front of my little mitsubishi eclipse because he's tall as f*** and can't fit back there, and she's all pouty and quiet for the rest of the date (which was a soccer game, I don't even watch soccer but her and my friend and his gf did).
This led to receiving the cold shoulder from her. I figured "I'm an adult. I dont need this", so after not getting replies I stopped trying. I speak to one of our other friends in the group, I find out the whole time we've been dating (not that long, like a month or two) and before, she's been talking to some other guys and their relationships were more serious.
I don't bring any of this up and she still doesn't know I knew because I didn't wanna ruin their friendship, but that weekend is one of our friend's birthdays and of course she's there. We have a talk and she apologizes about her behavior towards me and my friend and that she wants to try again. I just told her I'd think about it. Haven't spoken to her since.
Now the new thing that drives me up the wall even more is that she still randomly talks to my roommate from back then and asks how I'm doing and how she "really liked me" and wished we could have kept going. Just the lack of respect she showed towards me, for not warning me that she's already seeing 3-4 other guys before wasting my time, assuming she was my friend before all this, that's what sickens me.
If you read this far, thanks for letting me rant. My gf just moved out (not broke up but she moved to another city and I'm stuck here for another month) and I have a lot frustrations with no outlet.
- People Explain Whether They Think Cheaters Will Always Cheat Again - George Takei ›
- People List Red Flags That Your Significant Other Is Cheating On You - George Takei ›
- People Break Down Which Villains Were Terrifying Because They Were Totally Right - George Takei ›
- People Confess What Genuinely Disgusts Them - George Takei ›
For many childhood memories are overrun by living nightmares.
Yes, children are resilient, but that doesn't mean that the things we see as babes don't follow us forever.
The horrors of the world are no stranger to the young.
Redditor -2sweetcaramel- wanted to see who was willing to share about the worst things we've seen as kids, so they asked:
"What’s the creepiest thing you saw as a kid?"
Serious Danger
"Me and my best friend would explore the drainage tunnels under the Vegas area where we grew up. These were miles long and it was always really cool down there so it was a good way to escape the heat of our scorching hot summers. We went into this one that goes under the Fiesta casino and found a camp with a bunch of homeless people."
"Mind you we are like 11 years old lol. And we just kept going like it was nothing. It wasn’t scary then but when I look back at it we could have been in some serious danger. Our parents had no idea we did this or where we were and we had no cellphones. We could have been kidnapped and never have been found."
oofboof2020
Waiting for Food
"I was at a portillos once when I was 12 and I was waiting with my little brother at a booth while my parents got our food. This guy was standing with his tray kind of watching me then after a couple of minutes he started to walk over really fast not breaking eye contact with me."
"He was 2 feet from the table and my dad came out of nowhere and scared the s**t out of him. He looked so surprised and just said he wanted to see if I’d get scared or not. He left his tray full of food near the door and left. My folks reported him but we never went to that location again since we found a better one closer to home."
nowhereboy1964
Captain Hobo to the Rescue
"When I was a pretty young teen, my friends and I were horsing around in San Francisco and started hanging out to smoke with some homeless guys. Another homeless dude came up and began aggressively trying to shake us down for anything (money, smokes, a ride, drugs- all of it) and wouldn’t take no for an answer."
"We got in over our heads and could tell this guy was now riling the other 2 guys up and they were acting like they wanted to jump us. Some grandfather-looking old homeless man appeared out of nowhere and yelled at us to get the f**k out of here- nice kids like us don’t belong down here at this hour!!"
"Captain Hobo saved our lives that night. My parents sincerely thought we were at a mall all day lol."
FartAttack911
Survival
tsunami GIF
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"I was 7 and survived the 2004 tsunami in Thailand. Witnessed the wave rise way above the already massive palm trees (approx. 40ft?) and my family and I watched/heard the wave crash into the ground from a rooftop."
faithfulpoo
These Tsunami stories are just tragic.
On the Sand
Scared The Launch GIF by CTV
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"We were a group of kids who went to swim in a local lake. And there was a dead body on the beach with their hands raised and their legs bent unnaturally that local police just took out of the same lake. I've never put my foot in these waters again."
oyloff
Be Clever
"I was walking to school and I was about 5 or 6 years old and some guy pulled up beside me in his car and asked if I would get in. He also offered me sweets to do so. I said no. The creepy bit was when he calmly said ‘clever boy’ to me, then drove off. I’ve never even told my parents or anyone else about this as it would most likely freak them out."
OstneyPiz
Bad Jokes
"Dad's side of the family pranked me by burying a fake body on our back property and had me dig it up to find valuables. Was only allowed to use a lantern for light. They stuffed old clothes with chicken bones. Sheetrock mud where the head was... Random fake jewelry as the treasures... I was like maybe 10 or 11.. I remember digging up the boot first and started gagging because it became real at that point."
Alegan239
YOU
Who Are You Reaction GIF by MOODMAN
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"Woke up to find my little brother staring at me in the dark, asking, Are you really you?"
PrettyLola2004
Siblings can really be a bunch of creepers.
No one should talk to others in the dark though.
Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
Hungry Cookie GIF by De Graafschap Dierenartsen
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What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
Hug GIF by The BarkPost
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Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
sleepy kitten GIF
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Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
Angry Tom And Jerry GIF by Boomerang Official
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Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...