Have you ever had someone say something to you so wildly out of pocket that it kind of hurt your brain?
Or been the person having a Jessica Simpson style "Is it chicken, or is it fish?" moment?
Real talk, it's usually option 2 for me. Some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth surprises even me.
Reddit user Correct_Huckleberry4 asked:
"What's the dumbest thing someone has ever told you?"
We're going to start with my contribution.
I once asked the dude I was dating how they got the yellow lines on and off the field so quickly to mark the downs during a football game we were watching on TV.
I was a whole adult who absolutely understands digital technology. I have no excuses. The brain just called in sick that day.
That might be the case for some of these folks, too?
"I was going 30 mph in a 30 zone. The police station is on the street, so I'm always super cautious there."
"Anyway, an officer pulled me over and claimed I was going 50. I got his dashcam footage, it clearly showed me NOT speeding, but part of the footage, you can see the police officer going 40 mph to catch up to me."
"Someone defended the officer by saying, 'If you were REALLY going 30, then why did the officer have to drive 40mph to catch up to you???' "
" 'I'm going to assume you're joking here. But if, by some bizarre circumstance, you're actually being serious - in order to catch up to anything, you have to go faster than it. If I was going 50, he wouldn't have ever caught up going 40.' "
- RpTheHotrodCop Car Police GIFGiphy
Tyson Didn't Introduce Himself
"I once found a big bulldog in my back yard. I don't own a bulldog."
"He was a big friendly, but slow witted guy. He look healthy and had a collar but no tags so I knew he was a local. I made sure he had water and went to the front yard to start knocking on doors."
"As soon as I stepped outside I saw the family three houses down all gathered in their front yard. So another case closed for our young detective."
"I walked over to them and said, 'You guys missing a bulldog?' "
"The mother looked at me and said, 'Is his name Tyson?' "
"The question took me aback. I mean, he didn't have tags. They knew he didn't have tags."
"So all I could think to say was, 'He didn't say. But I'm pretty sure he's yours.' "
"To this day I wonder if that woman knew how dumb that question was."
Sometimes North Is Downhill
" 'Water runs downhill, which is south. Water cannot flow north because that’s uphill.' ”
"They were very surprised to hear the reality."
"Ok I used to believe this when I was a kid too because we lived in the south next to the sea so all the Rivers did flow south."
"I met a guy who thought ships at sea went faster going South because it was downhill."
"That they thought Mount Rushmore was a natural wonder. They literally thought it appeared in nature that way."
"She was dead serious. She was 17 at the time."
"She got mad that a teacher said Mt. Rushmore was man made and told the teacher as much - in front of the class! then told me after class the teacher was a liar.
"That brain went on to work at a Federal Agency."
"Good thing those guys all won their elections then."
"Yeah… about that. I had that same assumption as a very young child."
"I pondered the implications a lot. Was it destiny? Did people who looking similar to the mountain take advantage to further their careers? Was there a god after all?"
"It was a lot for a 5-year-old to wrestle with, so eventually I just put it aside, never to be thought of again."
"Then when I was 16 someone mentioned something about the in-process crazy horse 'by the same guy who did Mt Rushmore.' ”
"Mind. Blown. I can be a real f*cking idiot."
"When the directions on a microwave meal say to keep the item in the microwave for some time after finishing its to allow the 'extra microwaves to get out of that food so it doesn't hurt you!' "
"My mom always told my siblings and me to not stand in front of the microwave because we would inhale the microwaves coming out and get cancer."
"I had a friend who, in his late teens, insisted that microwaved food 'trapped' some of the microwave energy, and released it for a while after cooking."
"He was very clear that he'd heard some truck drivers had stomach complaints that resulted from eating a lot of microwaved food without letting it rest."
"I didn't believe him, but I humored him. Microwaved food is usually scalding hot anyway, there was no harm in giving it time to cool (a.k.a 'letting the residual microwaves dissipate from it') if it made him happy."
- MagicSPAmicrowave GIFGiphy
"My wife is a nurse and she was taking care of a heart patient. He had high cholesterol."
"He said he ate half-a-dozen eggs for breakfast everyday. My wife said eggs are high in cholesterol and should be consumed in moderation if you have high cholesterol."
"Then his wife chimes in… 'I make his eggs in the microwave so it gets rid of the cholesterol.' "
"We had a team lunch some years ago, and I ended up in a conversation with one of our account managers. A woman in her 30s who worked for a multi-million pound company."
"She insisted that the sun was the same size/distance as the moon, and stars were asteroids falling to Earth."
"This was long before the whole flat earth idiocy kicked off, and to this day stands out as the most astoundingly ignorant thing I’ve ever heard."
"I used to be a teacher, and a child asked me why the sun didn't melt the moon since they were 'both up there together.' "
"I was about to explain about the 150,000,000km between them, and how 'this one is small, but that one is far away' but her best friend then laughed at her for asking such a stupid question."
"After scoffing, best friend told her that 'of course the sun doesn't melt the moon, the moon is on the back of the sun ... isn't it?' and then looked at me for approval."
"These two were both fifteen years old at the time."
"Had a teacher tell our class that it can’t rain over water."
"She proceeded to tell us that if the clouds are over water they will just wait until they were over land so it doesn’t waste water."
"According to her, it doesn't rain over oceans or large lakes. The cloud will, instead, wait until it is over some forest or something that needs water."
"In her world, hurricanes probably just disappear when over the ocean, or at least stop raining and just be wind."
"My question is, how will the cloud know?"
"Man, I wish the clouds knew that a few years ago when I was on the far side of the lake, paddling with all my might trying to get to land and not absolutely soaked."
"This is terrible but somehow kind of endearing."
"It's a shame because she was supposed to be a teacher, but I really like the world she lives in where even the clouds are so conscientious."
"It's dangerous to listen to your own heartbeat with a stethoscope."
"They said your heart will try to match what you heard and that will in effect stop your heart."
"There was no explanation given when asked why medical personnel didn't have issues listening to patients with heartbeat irregularities."
"Like stereo feedback?"
"This one was so dumb I had to read this several times to even understand the theory they were presenting.. cheers."
- roolyons32711heartbeat GIFGiphy
"My college roommate was so bad we started a list. My favorite, though:"
" 'Latinas come from Latin... as in the COUNTRY Latin.' "
"When asked if he could show us where that was on a globe he pointed to what was clearly marked Uzbekistan."
They Let You Have Guns
"I worked in a city that has a high military population. We gave military discounts if you could prove you were active duty."
"We had a family come in one day (dad, mom, adult son) who had never been before. The dad read the admission board and said 'Oh hey, you can get a discount for admission!' to the son while handing him the sign."
"The son read the sign and said, I swear to God:"
" 'I'm not in the military, I'm in the Army.' "
"All I could think was, 'Good Lord, they let you have guns...' "
"My favorite was when I said I was learning Spanish and someone told me, and I quote:"
" 'White people learning Spanish is cultural appropriation.' "
"I just stared blankly for a while and then said 'um... Spain?' "
"They shut up after that."
"When I was young my youth pastor told us that dinosaur bones were put in the ground by the devil to test your faith."
" ‘Dinosaur bones’ were actually buried recently by people."
"A girl I worked with didn’t know what 'dilution' meant as in diluting cleaning products."
"I’m not saying this to be mean, she could have asked or googled it. She should have asked or googled it cause she almost killed us all."
"She thought 'dilute' meant to heat it up. Since this is a store, we heat things (like our lunch) up put it in the microwave..."
"So she put some kind of cleaner in there to 'dilute' and nearly gassed out the whole store."
"Luckily it wasn’t anything super toxic but she wholeheartedly thought 'dilution' meant to heat it up."
"Me: 'I'm Asian.' "
"Her: 'No you're not!' "
"This girl guessed I was Hispanic, which spoiler alert I am not."
"I'm South Asian from Nepal."
"When I told her that, she denied it. Vehemently. Like she was there when I was born and it was her place to say where I was from."
The Chicken Wiccan
"That she'd turn me into a chicken."
"The worst thing was that after she threatened me with it, I started having dreams of being a chicken so I started to believe her."
"I was 15, am heavily autistic and was fresh out of a superstitious religious home, to clarify why I was so gullible."
"The Chicken Wiccan used all of that to full advantage."
- XxDarkAcademicxXChicken Pants GIFGiphy
The Vin Diesel Virus
"The other week i was in the store, still wearing my mask although restrictions have eased up a bit here."
"Some old guy comes up to me and I'm expecting an anti-mask rant, but no."
"He starts claiming that it's good that I'm wearing my mask and that I'm one of the smart ones, since the virus was all planned out."
"Then the guy pauses for a second and goes: 'Exactly like in that movie, X times 3!' "
"He meant XXX with Vin Diesel."
"I love my father, but he used to honestly believe that if a woman went to the hospital, a doctor couldn't help her."
"He believed that because someone once told him hospitals don't really help with 'lady troubles'. I'm pretty sure they meant it like period cramps, but he just took it to mean hospitals didn't help women."
"I once asked him what happened if a bus ran me over? He'd just let me die?"
"So he sang a different tune after that."
So now you're heard Reddit's list of painfully dumb stuff. It's your turn.
What have you heard, or said, that was so incredibly stupid it kind of hurt?
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