We are living in an age where misinformation is readily accessible and is wrongly implemented to disastrous effect.
Specifically harmful are the ones that entail spurious tips on how to survive in moments of peril.
Curious to hear what some of those might be, Redditor standardgenre45 asked:
"What is a survival myth that is completely wrong and could get you killed?"
These involve conserving your available resources while they last.
Hydrate
"Rationing water is generally a terrible choice - drink what you have until it’s gone. Use that time with good hydration levels to take stock of your situation and make good choices."
"Decision making and physical ability drop off very quickly when you are dehydrated. The first decisions you make after realizing you are in a survival situation are critical and pay long dividends."
"Most survival situations are resolved within 72 hours and many hikers are found dead in the desert with full water bottles."
– RangerActual
Not Peeing Enough Is Bad
"I used to work with a guy who spent much of his Air Force career teaching survival to aircrews and I remember him saying, 'Ration sweat, not water.' He said to conserve energy and avoid doing physically strenuous things like constructing a better shelter during the day, but keep drinking water. His other maxim was, 'If you're not peeing, you're not drinking enough.'"
– LuckyOldSon
Save Your Battery
"Changing the voicemail on your mobile phone to tell incoming callers about your plight. That bullsh*t just wastes battery"
"At the first sign of trouble, send a SMS with your best location details to everyone on your contact list, even if you have no signal and set it to max power save with WiFi, Mobile Data and Bluetooth off. Your phone will continually try to get the SMS out if even if you get a little signal for a few seconds and will use a lot less power doing it."
– cruiserman_80
You might keep these in mind when it comes to someone trying desperately to stay afloat.
Drowning Survivors Take Note
"Perhaps not really a myth, but something people may think is true after watching people get rescued from the water on TV. 'get them breathing and send them on their merry way.'"
"If you rescue someone from a near drowning, they still need to go to the hospital, even though they are safely on land now."
"The lungs are coated with a slippery mucous like substance called a surfactant. It's kind of a lubricant and it keeps them from collapsing and sticking to themselves. If they ingested a lot of water into the lungs, chances are they have washed away the surfactant. Their lungs could collapse at any moment and their ability to uptake oxygen is reduced. Get the survivor on oxygen."
"source: rescue trained scuba diver here."
– EatDiveFly
Interpreting The Signs
"Drowning people do not cry for help or make gestures to try and get someone’s attention."
"What they are doing is trying to stay afloat and trying to catch their breath; never count on a cry for help!"
– goddavid22
Come Equipped
"It usually looks like someone is trying to climb an invisible ladder with their hand barely above the water, and unless you're a world champ water polo player, do not approach without a floatation device. They are desperate and you will become their floatation device, which can result in both of you drowning."
– mahboime
Driven To The Depths
"If you go into a lake when in a car dont wait until the car fills with water, just open the window and get out ASAP. If you wait, you could be 200 feet down or flipped over on the bottom. The power will still work for a short time. It only takes a few seconds."
"Edit - Source: must buddy did his master thesis on exactly this and I got to practice it several times in a pool."
– discostud1515
Never stick to the obvious when trying to provide aid in traumatic situations.
Look Out For Other Signs
"This is true of trauma/injuries too. People who are seriously hurt aren't usually the ones screaming and flapping around. They'll more likely be in shock or losing consciousness. If you are on scene at a large accident like a traffic collision or something and it's safe to help, look out for the quiet people"
– Sionain
The Quiet Victim
"Yep. Was involved as a passenger in a very nasty car wreck. The drivers were yelling and screaming. I was calm, matter of fact, and quiet. I remember the medic asking me what was on the airbag and I calmly said, 'That’s part of my tongue I bit off. Can you please help me out so I can walk this off?' Yeah, I had eight broken ribs, a 16 inch gash in my leg, a fractured trachea, and more. I was completely calm until about two hours into it at the ER."
– The_Curvy_Unicorn
Bears are cute...until they tackle you.
Don't Underestimate Them
"That bears can’t run down hills. They can. They’ll get you too."
– [deleted]
They're No Joke
"I was actually going to try and find this fact and what do you know, it’s at the top!"
"Bears are no joke, they run, climb and swim like a damn CrossFit junkie jacked up on meth."
"Another thing is they don’t gas out quickly, I’ve seen videos of bears running full speed than swimming across a river and running full speed again to catch prey."
"Insane…"
– djd1985
Speculation is rampant on the internet and it's important to do thorough research before applying supposed survival tips.
Better yet, hopefully you're not in any of the predicaments stated above that involve you resorting to questionable survival guides.
Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.
More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.
Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.
Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.
Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:
"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"
Don't Give Me So Much Credit...
'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."
"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."
"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."
"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"
"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher
Eternal Optimism...
"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."
"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465
Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...
"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”
"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”
"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia
Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office
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Double Whammy!
"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."
"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93
Can't Hide Your DNA...
'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."
"She cracked the code."
"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93
Self-Sufficient!
"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."
"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."
"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'
"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody
Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations
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A Miracle!
"My brother-in-law’s comment."
"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."
"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."
"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."
"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."
"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."
"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"
"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn
Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...
"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."
"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."
"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."
"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."
"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379
Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K.
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A Bit Too On The Nose?
"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."
"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."
"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."
"'What would you expect to find there?'"
"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB
Not Yet, Anyway...
"I was working with my friend and his dad."
"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."
"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."
"His dad asked, 'what for?'"
"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."
"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890
Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...
"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."
"She told this story to him:"
"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."
"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."
"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."
"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."
"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."
"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."
"She asked him what was wrong."
“'What’s wrong???'"
"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714
On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO
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Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...
"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."
"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52
Read The Room People!
"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."
"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."
"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"
"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl
There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".
As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.