Children might not be as well versed in the art of swearing profusely as your average adult, but they can throw out a sharp insult with the best of them––don't underestimate your kid!
Whether it's creative, bold, or just plain rude, we have to say we appreciate each of these children for everything they've got, thanks to Redditor MeMyselfAndI24, who asked the online community: "What's the best child friendly swear word/insult you've ever heard?"
"One day on the bus..."
I was a C.I.T at a day camp and there was this young kid with anger issues. He would often get into fights with the other kids and would have frequent temper tantrums when things didn't go his way. One day on the bus he was sitting playing on his gameboy when the kid next to him starts drawing on a piece of paper. The boy with anger problems wanted a piece of paper and the other kid said no multiple times. Things got heated and the kid drawing said shut up. (I know, intense). In which the other kid screamed,"SUCK MY GAMEBOY!" Unsuccessfully tried to hold in my laughter.
"Best insult ever."
My nephew called me a "stanky rainbow." Best insult ever.
"When I was 11..."
When I was 11, my 8 year old sister and I were in a good natured TP battle with our neighbors a few doors down. One night we were doing the deed, when our 9-year-old neighbor, who was watching with his family, ran outside brandishing a fake cane yelling in a really good impersonation of an old man voice, "get offer mah lawn you bunch of squirrelly cumquats!" I remember skittering home, hearing his mom laughing her head off. I'm pretty sure he made that up himself.
"When I was..."
When I was 6 years-old, my childhood best friend taught me the phrase, "Get out of my face, Face!"
It's so stupid, but I still think it to myself sometimes when I'm in a crowded area and people are in my personal bubble.
"One of the little kids..."
One of the little kids I looked after was extremely mad at me one day. Pretty sure she was offended by my saying no to her. She glared at me, stomped her foot and called me "Mayor Humdinger". For the non familiar Mayor Humdinger is the antagonist on Paw Patrol. I lost it, it was hilarious.
"Was skating with a buddy..."Giphy
You're an immature nugget!
Was skating with a buddy and we passed 2 little kids, one kid called the other an idiot and he promptly shot back with immature nugget. That was well over 10 years ago and that's still our go to insult for each other.
"...and it stung..."
My niece called me "Walmart face" recently and it stung more than I'd like to admit.
"My nephew once called..."
My nephew once called my dad a chicken nugget. One of the few times I've seen my dad speechless.
"My coworker told me..."
My coworker told me that her preschooler learned to say "I'll pray for you," but that it comes out as the most shade throwing side eyed insult ever.
Your hairline looks like a MacDonald's sign.
"When my 4 year old nephew..."
When my 4 year old nephew is mad at you, he calls you a hot dog booty. It's now part of our vocabulary.
"Always good for a laugh."
Shut up as a noun. "He's being a shut up!" .... "Don't be such a shut up!" Kids are grown and married now, but sometimes one of them or my wife will still use this stinging epithet on one another. Always good for a laugh.
"I've called my friends..."
My 11 year old sister has been calling me "bumbo" instead of dumbo for the last few years. Now I call her "bumbo" in situations where it is deserved. I've called my friends "bumbo" when they kill me in Shellshock. They've all now started using "bumbo."
"My friend's little cousin..."
My friend's little cousin used to say 'Ow Chicken Noodle' every time that she got hurt. It makes me crack up every time we bring it up.
"My uncle once told me..."
My uncle once told me that he got in trouble for calling his brother a "zonedweeby" and I nearly pissed myself laughing about it when he told me.
"I was in a bad mood..."
I was in a bad mood and my 3 year old brother asked me, in these exact words, "do you have a guitar string up your butt or something?" I still don't understand where that came from but, hey, I was in a better mood after that.
"I was on a bus..."
I was on a bus and two random people behind me started an argument and one of them said something in the lines of "I don't even know why I'm trying to explain such simple things to you buddy, pretty sure your mother drinks pasta water."
I turned back and high fived this guy. Still my hero!
"My friend's sister..."
My friend's sister called me a "Stinky Nun" over discord. I don't even remember what I did, she just got close to the mic and then I heard "YoU sTiNkY nUn."
"I was waiting in line..."
I was waiting in line to use the slide for my buddies pool at his party. His cousin was six at the time and cut in front of me, sat on slide and prepared to descend.
I asked him playfully, "What gives you the authority to cut, little guy?"
He responded, "Because sniper rhymes with diaper!" And pushed off, down the slide.
Can't argue with that logic.
My three-year-old recently called my five year old a "meanie weanie tortellini."