People Divulge The Worst Names They've Ever Heard
Jon Tyson/Unsplash

Jermaine Jackson has a son called "Jermajesty." Not sure how to pronounce it? I'll help!

Say "Her majesty" like you're talking about the queen.

Great, now say it again but smash it all together in one word like if the queen was on fire and maybe a stop, drop, and roll is in order, post haste.

Now drop the "H" and replace it with a "J" cause secretly this is about Jermaine, I guess?

That's how you say Jermajesty Jacksons first name ... and it doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of where this thread is going.

Reddit user Iron8te asked:

"What is the worst name you've ever heard?"

Jermajesty ... go on back and enjoy being a handsome, talented, well traveled young man living his best life. We're sorry to have dragged you into this.

Clearly your name is totally normal. At least compared to all this...

'Common' Name

"I once met a girl named Cliche 😭"

- Background_Tree_8468

"Did she get old quick?"

- Homelander44

"This reads like the start of a limerick"

- DrChonk

"I bet she wasn't like other girls."

- Plenty_Past2333

"I read this as Chicle and as a Hispanic I was like nooooo"

- multigrain-pancakes

Fatalism and Fate

"In elementary school there was a boy named Famous. His younger sister was Fashion."

- sourdoughbreadlover

"A**hole parents lmao"

- Chemical-Volume-6825


- AdditionalChart371

"So I literally just read a feature story about a man named Famous and his wife in my alumni magazine. If it’s the same guy, he turned out alright despite his sh*t name."

- kaytay3000

"I know a guy named Famous! He's definitely not living up to his name."

- Jasonrj

Trattoria Family

"I’m in healthcare and the worst name I’ve seen on a kid is Meatball"

- peppermintblues

"Son of Meatloaf?"

- TheGoober87

"Are you a vet?"

- AccidentalBastard

"This one made me genuinely lol"

- sarbot88

"Imagine yelling across a store 'AY MEATBALL' or 'Has anyone seen my kid? His name is meatball' Poor kid"

- LazyLittleBat

"You called?"

- MeatballsRegional

"When you wanted a dog, but you had a kid instead."

- AthenasApostle

adult swim GIF by HULUGiphy

The Original 'G'

"An 80+ year old lady called Gremlin"

- Jazzlike-Channel3465

"Never feed her after midnight."

- IAmNaaatBorat

"I want to be named gremlin so bad"

- EnoughIdeas

"Right? I wonder if my family would support me in my name change petition."

- ItsMummyTime

"The POWER that name has…"

- knightogourd

"What a G, I hope she lives +100 years old."

- HappyhourGremlin

"A name you grow out of, then eventually back into"

- theEFG15

Movie Flirting GIFGiphy

Who Is Coming?

"'Messiahiscoming' is by far the worse I've heard. It's beyond ridiculous."

"She was 12-14 years old and said nothing. Mother did all the talking."

- PointyWombat

"That's less of a name and more of a threat..."

- Iron8te

"Once upon a time this was a standard in come circles. Thou-Shalt-Not-Commit-Adultery Pulsifer wasn't just a made up name in Good Omens to sound strange, there were people who really had names like that."

- PM_me_ur_navel_girl

"Did this kid live in 17th century massachussetts or?"

- emu_spy

"We had a Praisegod in my school."

- Younggatz99

"I read that name in Jar-Jar Binks voice"

- AsparagusFlex

That's An 'Eye' Sore

"Eye'n, pronounced Ian."

" 'To be different', per his mom."

"What the f*ck."

- JustMeerkats

"I genuinely hate that trend."

"Just because a name is different doesn't mean it's good. Or ever gonna be pronounced correctly. There's a reason no other kids are called that."

"Had this conversation with my mum when I came home and told her I changed my name, and she was surprised that I didn't want to keep the old sh*tty one that I had."

- Unknown_Captain

" 'Let’s be “different' by taking an incredibly common ass name and butchering the spelling.”

“ 'We’re so unique' they say as they chuckle to themselves proudly"

- multigrain-pancakes

"Are you Eye'n me up"

- GullibleDetective


"Once at work, I met a guy whose first name was Greg which is not all that bad. The thing is, his last name was also Greg."

"TLDR- Greg Greg"

- Glide1505

"Met a guy named Marty Martin and asked if his first name was legally Martin. 'No, my birth certificate says Marty. Why does everybody ask me that?"'"

"You goddamn know why, Martin Martin."

- Nooooope

"This is weird in the US but I have met people not from the US who have the same first and last name."

- VulfSki

"How much imagination do you have to lack if you can't think of another name that isn't the surname."

"man, I just can't come up with any other names, I guess we'll just name our baby Greg Greg"

"Or they think it's funny?"

"Like, I truly want to know why people name their kids Greg Greg or Tommy Thompson, et"

- urbanhag

"I used to know a dude named Greg Gregory. His middle name was Allen, making his initials GAG."

- Hotdogmaniac6969

Like The Antibiotic

"Clindamycin. Yes, spelled exactly the same way as the antibiotic."

"When questioned, the mom said 'I just thought it was pretty' "

- throwawaypanda15

"There was a chemistry teacher at my school who named her kids after elements. The one’s name was calcium…"

- Kyubey4Ever

"It takes a special kind of thoughtless stupidity to pull this one"

- rosepotion

"Siblings Cephalexin and Amoxicillin weren’t available for comment…"

- eljefecamacho

"Clinda for short"

- Thickfries69

"I hope it’s shortend to Linda or Clyde"

- Sterwood

That's... Ummm...

"Michael Kidiporn. Was a customers name. Was on the precall went to say 'Mr Ki-…sorry I’ll just butcher your name'."

"He said 'No it’s Kidiporn' "

"Sorry bro but a name change would be first on my list of things to do, Now."

- lovelynutz

"This would be a case for taking the wife’s last name. Sorry, the Kidiporn line ends here"

- lovelynutz

"That's terrible. Like, Mel Brooks couldn't come up with that."

"And he came up with 'Latrine.... Yeah, used to be Sh*thouse'."

- oniwolf382

"Going on the good-faith assumption this not trolling. Must be a Thai name. 'Porn' means blessed in Thai."

- dee615

"Used to be a doctor in my area with that name (worked in sample processing for a bit) . I want to say it was Dr. Kittiporn but I can’t remember the spelling. But, yep, real name people have."

- rckrusekontrol


- Iron8te

A Nascar Driver, Wrestler, Or Just Cool?

"I taught a kid who’s real name is Ricky Rock n’ Roll Smith"

- Hopeful__Historian

"That kid is either gonna be awesome or a total piece of shit. Either way he will definitely do a lot of drugs."

- igotbigballs

"Sounds like a 90's WWF wrestler name"

- TotallyNotClickbait2

"I already know what his parents are like..."

- Iron8te

"Well at the very least he has a normal first name to use."

- emu_spy

"You must be commenting on the wrong post. Try a reddit search for 'What's the most awesome f*cking name in the universe ever?'."

- belbsy

"Rockin Ricky?! Man I love that guy!"

- derKonigsten

rock n roll cat GIFGiphy

Can I Just Call Him Rich?

"I had a customer named Dick Butts. I thought it was a joke, but one of the employees asked to see his driver's license and it was truly his name."

- Heftydog1

"Just introduce yourself as Richard at that point."

- Final_masker

"Haha how was Dick ever acceptable as a name?!"

- ungoogled

"There was a famous football player named Dick Butkis! He was an amazing player so no one mentioned his name as a joke!"

- Tracirainbow69

"Hey it’s me, your customer"


"Met an elderly man with the name Booger"

- MrPuzzleMan

"A dear friend of mine who recently passed had the nickname Booger and honestly, nobody called him anything else. His dad called him that when he was little, and he was just Boog forever. I miss you, man. The world shines a little less without you in it."

- Lilredh4iredgrl

"There is a TV sports commentator named Booger Mcfarland. It's a nickname but that's what everyone on TV calls him and that's what the graphics say."

- mtwtfssmtwtfss

"It’s made 10x funnier by the fact he has a reputation for saying things that are pretty obvious so everyone’s like 'thanks booger'."

- Do__Math__Not__Meth

"Booger seems to have been a common nickname for an older generation. Fun fact: The Undertaker (from WWE) was almost given the name "Booger Red" as his wrestler name before he was given the Undertaker character."

- Hotdogmaniac6969

Hotdogs Would've Been Better

"My elementary school boyfriend in 3rd grade was named Matthew wiener the kids started calling me mrs wiener so I told him I couldn’t be his girlfriend anymore lol"

- UsedQuiet2862

"I know a family who's last name is Weiner. To be frank, they are all kind-of d*cks"

- zesty_itnl_spy99

"One of my friends married a 'Boner' right out of HS 😰"

- weareborgunicons

"I’d keep my own name!"

"There’s also a youtuber named Tucker Boner lol"

- UncouthCorvid

"I knew a Matthew Wiener. He was a director who travelled and directed plays at a bunch of different places"

- TurboMoofasa

"was he related to Gretchen? is so that is so Fetch!"

- glucoseintolerant

Staff Sergeant2

"In the military there was this guy called Richard (Dick) Sergeant. Who was a Staff Sergeant. So his name was Staff Sergeant Dick Sergeant. He owned it though so good for him."

- Rickdaquickk

"Like Catch 22, never to be promoted again."

- ucat97

"When I was in the Air Force I had to do a work order for a Captain Ho. I hope she was eventually promoted to Major Ho.I have also seen other funny names from the Navy such as Stains, so their title was Seamen Stains."

- IThinkMyLegsAreBroke

"I went to boot camp with a 'Seaman Samples' 🤣 Always wondered what happened to him."

- BperrHawaii

Fight Dance GIF by tv2norgeGiphy

Great Start For A Rappers Name

"Xerox, poor kid will be bullied for the rest of their life"

- [Reddiut]

"Copy that."

- billybobjimmyjoe

"Honestly I doubt young kids even know what Xerox means. My 16 yo nephew thought Kodak was named after a rapper lmao. I think little Xerox will be fine. Unless this was like 10-15+ years ago."

- Whosyouranimedaddy

"Jammed up for the rest of his life."

- brds

"Spittin’ straight fax"

- BlueBoltDog

Happy Season 3 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy

These Dang Vices

"My sisters sister in law named her son Brewer literally because they are alcoholics."

- bijouby

"Oh dear. This is legitimately sad."

- mrsjettypants

"I know a boy named Blayze because his parents are dumb dumb potheads"

- irongoatmts66

"People need to save that type of shit for the family pet"

- trippymermaid

"My parents are alcoholics and they've named every dog we've ever had after alcohol. Growing up we had Boozer and Tipsy. When I found out what they meant, I was so embarrassed to tell my friends my dogs' names. Now they have Brandi. Little more classy but I still know."

"I'm glad I have a somewhat normal name and they didn't so the same to me"

- TAconfessions22

Sounds Made Up

"Joey Jo-Jo Junior Shabadoo"

- VincentKlortho

"That's the worst name I've ever heard"

- inabighat

"Hellllllo I'm Guy Incognito"

- groovy604

"If this wasn't one of the top answers I was going to officially declare myself way too old for reddit!"

- JPMoney81

"I am thoroughly disappointed this is not top comment."

- blindedbyhindsight

"Come back!!"

- JoeyJoeJoeJrShaba

homer simpson joey jo-jo shabadoo GIFGiphy

Explosive Name.

"Cash dynamite, to the mom named exclamation"

- ogsandtoads

"Dude. That is objectively an awesome name. I wish my name was Cash Dynamite"

- afauce11

"that shts dope tf"

- SingleShake6745

"This is the funkiest, most 70s thing I've read today."

- Lehelito

"How are you not the coolest mf with the name cash dynamite, you should have a documentary about ur life if ur name is cash dynamite"

- couldbedumber96

"Guy named Ashley Hole who went by 'Ash'."

"I sht you not."

- PiffWiffler

"His guy has the biggest loophole when it comes to kahoot names"

- ismokejimmyneutron

"I'd probably pick that nickname as well out of spite."

- HeyWaitHUHWhat

"You know Ashley started as a male name right? Popular male name during ww2, exactly like Kelly."

- NoticeWhenUAreHappy

"It's not just that his name is Ashley. He goes by Ash Hole. Try saying it out loud."

- Banana42

You're up.

If you've got a name so bad that it looped it's way back around into awesomeness, let us know!

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