
Fun Fact: My moms "grandma name" is Nani.
She is called Nani because when Lilo and Stitch first came out, a very young nephew was obsessed with the film. Little man didn't do a lot of talking, but he took one look at my mother (who is pear-shaped and bottom heavy in the best way) and shouted "Nani!"
Moms a sucker for a cute kid who is excited to see her, so the label stuck. She's been Nani for 20 years.
My dad LIVES for the moment when people ask why and he gets to talk about her butt - something he will honestly take any available opportunity to do. They've been together for 40 years and are still completely gross for each other and if my marriage ain't like that, then I don't want it.
Reddit user No-Hippo1283 asked:
"Parents of Reddit, what phrases do you still use that your kids 'invented' when they were young?"
Little kids inventing phrases and names for things and having the family just run with it is one of the best parts of having kids in the family!
Grandparent titles are just one way kids enrich the lexicon, but let's go ahead and start there since it's one of the most common.
What Do You Call Yours?
"Grandpa in Spanish is 'Abuelo' but my kid would always call my dad 'Olo.' "
"Thus we never refer to him as abuelo, only 'olo.' "
- ThatReaperGuy
"My mother would always greet my niece by saying 'Hello Darling.' "
"My niece couldn't pronounce darling, so she would reply to her 'Hello Wahwee' and then it sort of stuck. Now instead of Granny my mum gets 'Wahwee' by all the grandkids."
- _corbae_
"My grandpa has been 'Bumpa' for 20 years because one of my cousins couldn't pronounce grandpa right when he was like 3."
- 00zau
Drowsy
"My uncle says 'drowsy trousers' instead of 'pajama pants' because my little cousin was playing with rhymes and near-rhymes and came up with that phrase."
"He and I agree it sounds cooler."
- DBSeamZ
"Drowsy trousies 😉"
- beauxbeaux
A Moral Victory
"All of my relatives refer to breakfast burritos as ‘eggy weggy tacos’ which is a moral victory for four-year-old me."
- Cw2e
"Same kind of thing here."
"A fried egg on a bagel in any form is an 'eggel bagel' and French toast with syrup is 'sticky froast' while the same with powdered sugar is 'poofy froast.' "
"So on Saturday morning a perfectly normal thing to say is 'do you want your froast sticky or poofy?' "
- Alt_aholic
"Reminds me of 'peeber meeshmof' in my family."
"When I met my wife I asked if she's ever had a 'peeber meeshmof' and she's like 'wtf??' "
"I realized then that 'peeber meeshmof' might not actually be the name of the amazing sandwich I love. So I called my mom."
"She says one of us, she can't remember who, said 'peeber meeshmof' instead of 'peanut butter and marshmallow fluff' and it stuck. Now that's just what we call them."
- Nokomis34
Some Foreign Country
"My young son tried to ask my dad for an English muffin, but couldn’t remember what they were called. He knew it was something about another country or foreign or whatever."
"So he called them 'China Buns.' "
"We still call them that today and he’s 18."
- Chairish
Tea Time
"My son, when he was little, commented that 'bathwater is just butt tea.' "
" 'Making butt tea' has meant taking a bath ever since."
- Dragoness42
"And I'm never going to take a bath again."
- Stoghra
Wanting A Poon
"I’m the child not the parent, but when I was learning to talk I used to say 'poon' instead of 'spoon.' My parents still use it to this day, saying sh*t like 'hand me a poon' or 'you want a poon for that?' "
"It never fails to make me uncomfortable because I know what 'poon' means these days but I’m not actually sure my parents do. & I’m not willing to correct them."
"They would absolutely mess with me about it if they realized, but they would be way more in my face about it if it they were actually doing it on purpose. Plus a family friend has made a joke about it & they just didn’t engage which they absolutely would have if they knew."
"They still joke about how I offered to help & 'cut the cheese' for a party when I was in elementary school, they are very obvious when they are messing with me, absolutely no subtlety."
"I really wish they knew & were f*cking with me so they would stop saying it around people that aren’t really close with us & probably think we’re all weird perverts when they hear it lmao"
"Plus, little do they know, I’m bisexual & do indeed want a poon."
- regular-kahuna
"My Nana asked the lovely young waitress at a cafe for 'a little poon please.' My husband and I nearly died laughing."
- LiquorishSunfish
Focus
"My brother was just learning how to sound out words and start to read. We were sitting in a McDonald’s eating when my dad points to a word up on the wall, and tells him to try and read it."
"He stared intently at it and slowly pronounced 'mac…nug…get!' "
"He was so focused, that he didn’t notice that he had tipped the little cup of ketchup he was holding and it had spilled all over his lap. So from then on, whenever anyone spilled food on their laps we say they 'pulled a McNugget.' ”
- WankSpanksoff
How You Become Jewish
"When my son was in third grade near the Christmas holiday his teacher approached my wife (who volunteered at his school part time) and asked if we were Jewish."
"She replied no & was told that our son thought we were. When questioning my son why he told his teacher we were Jewish he said he wasn't paying attention when the teacher was going through the different religions asking the kids to raise their hands."
"So by the time he realized what was going on the only thing left was Jewish."
"Now our favorite saying anytime someone is not paying attention is 'That is how you become Jewish.' "
"His answer wouldn't have mattered anyway; he was raised Lutheran but we are not very religious."
- Driverwanted
Made Of Windows
"My son could never remember 'transparent' or 'see-through' so he called anything clear 'made of windows.' ”
"He wanted to put his puzzles in the box made of windows (Tupperware container), and wanted to drink out of the clear cup made from windows."
- sixthandelm
Let's Go The Other Way
"Going the opposite way, I sometimes use words my first-generation immigrant parents invented."
" 'Defrog' is what the button on the car dashboard with the wavy red lines does (defrost/thaw/de-fog?). And we sometimes got 'Kentucky Fried Kitchen.' "
- coilycat
"Haha, I do this with my immigrant parents too."
"My mom for some reason has trouble with the letter S at the beginning of words, and we still call smoothies 'moothies' to this day to poke fun at her."
- gentlemako
"I love this!"
"We do similar things in my house, since my husband is also an immigrant and non-native English speaker; he speaks 99.99% perfect, fluent English, but once in a while he'll just substitute the complete wrong word."
"My favorite was the time a jacked-up pickup truck passed us on the highway and he commented on its 'ridiculous suspenders' and it took me about 30 seconds to realize he meant suspension."
"But now all jacked-up trucks are 'suspender trucks,' obviously."
"He's also been known to accidentally switch languages when he's tired. I was beyond confused when he told me I'd look pretty with 'lint' in my hair."
"It took several minutes of synonym-charades to put together that he'd accidentally used the Afrikaans word (lint) rather than the English word (ribbon)."
"Cue recurring jokes about how we'd better save the dryer lint for wrapping Christmas presents, since it's so pretty."
- int3gr4te
Alright, now that you've gotten all of Reddits linguistic adorableness, it's your turn to share.
What words or phrases in your world exist thanks to kids?
Let's get our learn on, shall we?
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We don't talk about Bruno... and all of the other crazies in the family.
Maybe that is why that song struck such a chord... we can all relate to family secrets and family crazy.
Even though every generation has gotten a little more open and willing to discuss trauma, we still have a long way to go.
There is something to be said for not airing out all of the dirty laundry.
Everybody doesn't have to know private business.
Redditor istrx13 was wondering things families don't talk about...
They asked:
"What is the 'we don’t talk about that' in your family?"
I'm not getting into my family. You'll have to wait for the play.
The 30s...
"My great aunt was a nurse supervisor at a mental hospital back in the 1930s. She fell in love with a patient who was being evaluated to stand trial for murder. She helped him escape and they went to Florida to hide out. But they were eventually found and the guy was put on trial and got the chair. My aunt got off easy, but she moved far away and rarely came home."
p38-lightning
he didn't make it...
"The brother that was born between me and my first sister. It was my mothers second child. Apparently he only lived about 3 days. Neither my mom nor my dad ever wanted to talk about it much. My sisters and I both have seen the birth certificate, which my parents kept."
"We also know there were about 3 years where they waited before my mom became pregnant with my sister afterward. Both of my parents are deceased now and to be frank, I think I only got about a paragraph of conversation about it, ever, from either of my parents. Just a, 'he didn't make it.'"
"It's not creepy or some strange thing, it's just sad. You can tell it affected them both very powerfully, especially to go the rest of their lives and not really share it with current and future children they had. It must have been horrible."
suddenlyreddit
Now that she's dead...
"My mother's cult-induced severe mental illness, which caused her to viciously abuse her two oldest children verbally and physically, and forced my dad to have her committed to a mental hospital several times. Now that she's dead, we still don't talk about her much, lest she "come back from beyond the grave" and continue her lunatic ways..."
LusciousLennyStone
“drama”
"That I have been in contact with my birth family. My older brother and I are both adopted, but he has publicly stated that he has no intention to contact his own birth family, because, he feels that it would be disrespectful to the parents that have raised us, like, why mess with a good thing?"
"So, I’ve never told him that I did it. My husband also didn’t think I should contact them, he was concerned that there would be 'drama.' I keep in touch with some of my birth family mostly online and so far there’s been no drama."
Relevant_Proposal_63
Hey Stud
"That my late uncle was a gigolo. Only my father and I know the truth."
KazumaWillKiryu
Now being a gigolo has got to be a great story. Tell us more...
"always is right"
"My 'always right' aunty got proven wrong for once and rather than just accept it, she ghosted the whole family except for her immediate. Sometimes I talk to my cousins and always ask how wrong Wendi is doing?"
-AntiVegan-
"silver fox"
"How my uncle, whom is a single, 'silver fox' (so my grandma calls him), multimillionaire, executive of one of the big 3 car companies is secretly gay. We ALL know except grandma, that's why we don't talk about it. He also has no idea that the whole family knows."
laurmichele
All the Feels
"Sex, love, anorexia, emotions in general."
Constant-Memory-1069
"Mate, literally same. My parents are the most emotionally unavailable people I have ever met. It's not really their fault bc my entire family is cooked mental health wise, but damn."
"I'm convinced it was a huge contributing factor to my anorexia diagnosis. Lots of emotional turmoil but I wasn't taught how to talk about emotions, wasn't even really exposed to emotions, and no one to talk with about them anyway. Only way I could signal to the outside world I was not OK was starving myself, I guess. I'm ok now. Hope you are also ok."
Soggy_Biscuit_
Crazy Woman
"My cousin who is absolutely crazy. Got an abortion because she hated the guy, got married to him a few months later and started a family (they have 3 kids who are demons)… they moved out of state but she started coming back home once every few months to drop off the kids at her parents and then go on a bender and basically live in a motel for a few days."
"Then the divorce came, she married one of the guys she was banging on the side, got divorced again after cheating on him with husband number 1… now she’s dating her drug dealer. Again she still has custody of her 3 kids."
Old-Air1062
Whoops...
"I was a complete accident. They found out at the wedding and I’m pretty sure my Christian grandparents weren’t happy. They’ve only talked about it a few times."
AHorrorFreak
Some secrets are meant to stay in the family and meant to go to the grave.
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For the most part, survival tips have been taught to us from a young age. We know to call 911 if there's an emergency and to put pressure on a bleeding wound. Boy Scouts know to be always prepared. Hikers know to conserve water, campers know how to build a fire, and anyone who spends a great deal of time outdoors knows how to locate shelter.
However, those skills are pretty basic. If you get into real trouble, you'll need more specific survival skills in order to get yourself out of trouble.
Some people can give you survival tips that can mean the difference between life and death. Others may give you tips that seem to make sense, but will probably only lead to death. It can be a great skill to learn the difference.
That's probably the thought process that led Redditor scarredforlife164 to ask:
"What "survival tips" would probably get you killed?"
Not All Meat Is Safe To Eat
"Saw this on a survival show:
“If you find a dead animal and it’s fairly fresh (flies haven’t set in) its relatively safe to eat because a. It’s fresh b. Nothing has had a chance to spread disease to it by eating.”
"Problem is that if you can’t see a visible reason for death, it’s probably disease that killed the damn thing and you’re about to eat it."
"A girl on Naked and Afraid 40 days quoted the survivalist that said this shortly after finding a bird on the ground of the jungle she was in. The bird was fresh, still warm, flexible etc, just dead."
"She ended up contracting avian tuberculosis, which is apparently really hard to do if you’re not a bird"
– Apprehensive_Oven924
"This is why my parents always told me to not even touch dead animals (exemption: our pets, but we knew why they died). I can't believe that anyone would just eat some random dead animal."
– Nico_MyTrueSelf
The Shock Won't Save You
"Had a coworker try and tell me once the best way to disarm a guy pointing a handgun at your face was to quickly slap his hand holding the pistol because it would "shock him into dropping it". I've never tested the theory but I'm willing to bet any shock would just as likely cause that trigger finger to clench as well."
– ArchaeoFox
The Importance of Water
"Conserving all of your water. If you’re thirsty, drink!"
– getyourcheftogether
"Not drinking your water when lost and thirsty because you're almost out of water. There are lots of people found with water left who were fully dehydrated but to scared to run out of water"
– Logitoh
Don't Let Him Catch Up To You!
"run in a zig zag away from crocodiles, it just tires you out"
– No_Government_3604
Never Arm You Opponent
"Throwing knives were a thing when I was in the Army. If you have a knife and your opponent does not, don’t give it to him or her."
–Grillparzer47
"The enemy cannot push a button...if you disable his hand."
– hardspank916
Report It Right Away
"that you have to wait a certain amount of time before reporting someone missing. no, the second someone is missing, report it"
– karleyh6
No Bear Is One Color
"If its black fight back, if its brown lay down. Brown bears can be black and black bears can be brown"
– random_person4444
Run, Run As Fast As You Can
"Any “learn to fight in a weekend” martial arts tips. Step one: run like a mother f*cker."
– dewayneestes
Don't Drink Cactus Juice
"DO NOT DRINK WATER FROM A CATUS WHEN YOU’RE THIRSTY IN THE DESERT. IT IS PROBABLY GOING TO KILL YOU BEFORE DEHYDRATION DOES."
– Consistent_Leopard77
Tornado Tips
"DO NOT lay in a roadside ditch or hide under a bridge during a tornado."
"There's a good chance the tornado will flip your car on top of you in the ditch."
"Under the bridge will turn into a wind tunnel, accelerating the debris that will rip your body to shreds."
– tyleristheman02
Did you learn something? I certainly didn't know black bears could be brown and brown bears could be black. Of course, I prefer not to need to know anything about bears at all!
Survival tips are certainly important to know. Just make sure whatever tips you get are from a reputable source.
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There are certain things you should not be skimpy about when it comes time to buy them. For example: toiletries. Why in the world would you want to use somebody else's toothbrush? A used toothbrush, we should underscore.
You'd run away screaming if you saw a used one sitting on a shelf at Goodwill, wouldn't you? Of course you would. You would immediately go to the pharmacy and pick up a brand new one, like a smart person.
People shared their thoughts with us after Redditor Idkewokorsomthing asked the online community:
"What is the one thing you should always buy new?"
"Once it's been in an accident..."
"Bike helmets. Once it’s been in an accident or even just dropped, the foam is compressed and won’t protect you as much."
beetlereads
This is very true! Do not ever use a helmet that's already sustained an accident. It could be as bad as not wearing one at all.
"Fire chief in my town once said a ladder truck. He wouldn’t ask anyone to climb a used ladder. A used tanker or ambulance maybe."
Ok-cantaloupe7160
Don't those things have maintenance and inspection protocols in place? I would certainly hope so.
"Hard drives and flash memory..."
"Any sort of computer storage."
"Hard drives and flash memory used in solid state drives and flash drives wears down over time. The more you read and write to it, the more it wears down. If you buy used, you don't know what that storage was used for, how often, or how heavily. It could last you years to come or die the next day."
Batcastle3
Considering the lifetime of SSDs, it's kinda okay. There is almost no way to break one, and the cell life time is good, and controllers help protecting them from wear leveling.
For HDDs though, buying used drives is a bad idea.
"It's one thing..."
"Fabric furniture. It’s one thing to by your friends couch, but you have no idea what was going on with that sofa sitting in goodwill."
PMme
Bedbugs are terrifying. Trust me, you never want to deal with them.
"Though really..."
"Wicker furniture. Though really, you shouldn't buy that type of furniture at all. It's the perfect nesting space for bugs."
[deleted]
See?! What did I tell you?! Don't do it!
"You can't use them..."
"Oh, and baby car seats. You can't use them after a car accident and buying secondhand means you can't always verify that it hasn't been in one."
[deleted]
I would certainly hope that people aren't still using them after accidents. That's just asking for trouble.
"Once they've been..."
"Shoes, especially for kids. Once they've been worn in to conform with someone else's foot, you don't want your kids putting their growing feet in there to get reshaped."
i_know_tofu
Also... gross. Just gross.
Get your kids feet measured regularly and listen to your kids if they tell you that their shoes are too tight of they hurt.
"They're expensive..."
"Children's car seats. They're expensive but there's no guarantee what condition they are in second hand, particularly if they've been through an accident already."
[deleted]
Parents, take note! You'll definitely thank yourselves later.
"Climbing rope. You can't tell how many falls its had or how old it is, and it's literally your life line when you're rock climbing."
JudeoCrustacean
Very important! People die in climbing accidents each year – don't be one of them.
"It's actually not healthy..."
"Shoes. It’s actually not healthy to walk in some other person's shoes. It has an impact on your whole body and can cause severe different pains in your body."
pulpriot
You don't want to have issues with your feet in later life! Again, you'll be thankful you listened to this advice.
Some other things I'd add off the top of my head: Mattresses, power supplies, oh, and... this should go without saying, but underwear,
Yes, underwear. The human race pains me.
Have some recommendations of your own? Tell us more in the comments below!
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I've got a decent amount of animals - some fish, turtles, dogs, etc. - but out of all of them, Optimus Prime is definitely *my* pet.
He's kind of a jerk to everyone else, but a with me he's a the biggest bestest beefaroni boy.
That is an outright lie, this dog is awfully behaved and taught himself how to open doors so he stays letting mosquitos in the house and air conditioning all of South Florida instead of just my living room. I just have a soft spot for him.
But here's the thing - soft spot or not, if someone offered me $50k for this dog, my reaction wouldn't be horror because I just love my "shmoopies" and even can't imagine. I'm not that privileged.
I grew up poor, believe me I've imagined $50k a lot. "Shmoops" might get voted off the island when $50k keeps your babies safe and housed. Relax, animal lovers. Optimus Prime is in no danger of going anywhere.
Nobody is tryna pay $50k to be headbutted and farted at all day.
That fact is precisely why my reaction to someone offering me cash for him would be straight up suspicion.
Optimus is a big beautiful male pit bull with so much muscle that he has abs on his butt.
He doesn't have any official papers, and he's fixed so he can't be used for breeding.
He's not a therapy dog and doesn't do any special tricks (on purpose) and in the time it took me to write this intro he farted so loudly that he scared himself awake and then got so excited by the sudden wake up that he did 3 bunny bounces. It's clear this would not be a high-skilled-labor kind of hire, ya know?
So why would someone want to spend that much money on this dog specifically?
Hmm?
I'd be suspicious that anyone willing to drop serious money on him was going to try to use his size and strength in dog fights and THAT is not gonna fly with me. Not a chance.
The person offering would have to convince me that they're willing to spend that much money on a giant dumb pit bull for some non-fighting reason and that he would have a dope life. Maybe I'd say yes because they sincerely believe he's the reincarnated spirit of their college bro who died in a horrific skiing accident, and they need to take him on a cross country road trip to fulfill the last thing on their bromantic bucket list?
Maybe.
Reddit user spondgbob asked:
"If someone offered you $50,000 to buy your pet, how would you respond?"
Here's what Reddit has to say.
Outside
"I'd tell them to meet me outside the local PetSmart in an hour and then rush there and buy a hamster or something."
"Kind of my only option since I don't have a pet."
- eleven_eighteen
"You sir, are playing 3D chess while the rest of us are all playing checkers."
- StillAll
Irrational Love
"Great question."
"Made me think for a second because my immediate answer is no but upon thinking about it, and how badly I need the money, the answer is still no."
"Irrational love is crazy."
- To_Fight_The_Night
"Same."
"I could desperately use that money and there's nothing special about my cats. Took a moment to realize it's completely irrational but I could never part with these idiots."
"The harder question after this is at what price point, if any, would you do it?"
- joyfall
Everything Has A Price
"Everything has a price, and they’re in luck that the price for my blind, deaf, arthritic dog happens to be $50k"
- DoctorDblYou
"I mean $50k is $50k."
- MinnesotaMiller
"Like I get that some people view pets as family, good for them. I don't, so as long as they weren't gonna torture the animal or something, then 100% would do it."
- avelak
Poo Problems
" 'You may have the one that runs from it's own poo after it sh*ts' "
- Blastin-Ass
"Had a cat get spooked while sh*tting... when it finished he managed to nuke 4 rooms :( "
- tuffymon
"I call what my dog does a 'poop-about.' "
"Like a walk-about, but she is pooping as she waddles around the yard sniffing rocks and stuff. She's a weird critter and I love her more than anything."
- cycloptopussy
"One of my earliest memory is having a blast farting in the bathtub... and then..."
"Don't make fun of your pet, your own poop can be very scary and we deserve love no less than more courageous creatures."
- RaccoonyDave·
Bye
"Give it to them."
"I love my aquarium and fish in it. But I could build a sweet aquarium set up with $50k."
- Inner-Nothing7779
"Exactly! I wouldn't sell my dog but I'd give my aquariums away for 50k."
"One of them is a custom that a built a background for and I'd still give it away for 50k."
- RPC3
"Yeah, I would sell my cat in a heartbeat. Call me a narcissist I guess."
"Good thing I dont have kids."
- Maggy_Monster
$100k
"I'll take the $100,000 in cash."
"50k to give him to you and another 50k to take him back tomorrow when you've finally reached your limit and can't keep him anymore."
"My dog has his own spirit animal, and that spirit animal is a bag of dicks."
"My dog has separation anxiety and a powerful set of lungs."
"I have to drop him off at my mom's house on the way to work so he can be with someone familiar or else he'll be howling all day. He sounds like a dying bison."
"I'm talking loud enough to hear inside your house half a block away. While he's *inside* my house!"
- Tobias_Atwood
Medical Needs
"I'd sell."
"My kitty is old at this point and I worry now. Someone willing to pay $50k for her probably has the money to take care of medical needs that will be coming soon. That's money I dont have."
"I love her, she has been my family for 17 years now, but if she gets sick reality is I'm gonna have to get her put down probably. She'd have a better chance with someone rich to spoil her at the end."
- BlueClouds42
Sick Sh*t
"I'm shocked by everyone saying they'd do it?!"
"If someone is willing to pay that much, just imagine the sick sh*t they are planning on doing. No way I could live with myself."
"Would you sell your kid? You can get a lot more than 50k for one of them..."
"I have a hard time believing someone willing to sell a dog for a 'lot of money' wouldn't be tempted to or actually sell a child."
"It's alooooot of money for children, so if money is the motivator...."
- Pepperclue_55
Little Napoleon
"Couldn't sell."
"My a$$hole cat is a jerk, but family. Though I would expect a lot of push to sell him since he is mean to everyone with only rare moments of niceness."
"Plus they whoever got him would likely kill him."
"He is allergic to fish, can't wear a collar even a breakaway one (somehow almost strangled himself twice), sits in the middle of the road if he escapes, eats the random stuff on the ground, randomly attacks people (full on claws, teeth- goes for the veins usually breaks skin and causes a bruise), has diseases, and goes after other animals in the house regardless of size."
"I hate it and get mad at my boyfriend every time he says it, but he jokes that natural selection is trying its best with my cat. He's kind of right."
"He is untrainable and awful, but incredibly cute and everyone wants to pet him (but quickly learn not to go near him.) At least he does not attack kids 5 and under though."
"I wanted to name him lil Napoleon as he is perpetually ready for a battle and a short legged munchkin. I took him in from my sister but couldn't change his name so it became my nickname for him."
- Wolfling
Get Over It
"It is a beta fish that we have had for six days. The kids are currently celebrating it still being alive because they accidentally killed our first fish in about six hours."
"Suffice to say, I’m pretty sure we can get them over it."
"Yes please on the $50,000."
- NurmGurpler
Time to be honest with yourself—would you do it?
What would your reaction be?
Let's argue in the comments!
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