Ah, parents. The true grey area when it comes to forming relationships. And while many children have to, unfortunately, learn from their parents mistakes, other times they tell us what we really need to hear. These Redditors are going to tell you the best wisdom that their parents ever gave them.
Reddit user iamrootnotgroot asked:
Adults, what's something your parents did right raising you?
This is so important.
"I remember being told it was very important to admit when you're wrong, and I think that was solid advice. But I could be wrong."- ixnayupidstayGiphy
"My mom always made a point of apologizing to us after we had a fight with her and admitting anything she'd done wrong."
"I remember having one big fight when I was in high school where I threw a complete tantrum and screamed at her."
"Afterwards, she came upstairs and said, 'You were right; I was being unreasonable'."
"That was maybe not the most mature way to tell me, but you were right and I'm sorry'."
"It made such a difference to know that my mom would actually listen to and respect the things I said, and it made me do the same for her."
"It totally baffles me when parents don't want to apologize to their kids or admit they're wrong because they think their kids won't respect them anymore."
"The fact is your kids already know you're wrong, they want to know if you know it and if you respect them enough to admit it."- palacesofparagraphs
"Supported my (then) unusual interests."
"I was into astronomy as a younger kid and they bought books and telescopes and drove me to/from the local astronomy club at late hours."
"Later (this was the 80s) they bought me a series of computers which were pretty expensive for the time and for their income."
"I'm grateful they supported what I was into."- Dapper_Presentation
"They instilled a good work ethic."
"If you do something half-a**ed, you'll have to put 2 a**es in to fix your f*** ups."
"If your name is going on it, make it your best."
"They also always encouraged my creativity."
" Never told me I wasn't capable of something."
"They always told me I can accomplish anything I want as long as I put effort into it."
"My parental units are awesome."- HanginWithLucretia
"Taught me the importance of quality duct tape."- ImbalancedoneGiphy
Yes yes yes.
"You can do whatever you want but you are responsible for your choices."- Arriabella
"This is the single biggest thing my mom did in raising me."
'I never had curfews or restrictions and she trusted me to not be a dumba**."
"If I was a dumba**, it was my own fault and I'd have to fix it on my own (within the scope of capability at a given age)."
"My mom operated on 'I'll trust you unless you give me a reason not to'."
"I never gave her a reason not to trust me and we never had problems about it."
"We still argued over religion and other normal parent/teen stuff."
"But not about where I went or with whom and when I'd be back (again, within reason and respective to a given age)."
"I believe people who say they had strict or controlling parents, but I can't relate to it."- JerseyHurricaneSchitts Creek Comedy GIF by CBCGiphy
"They made sure I understood money, money management, saving for retirement, etc."
"Made my life so much easier have never had to worry about money or debt a day in my life."- FlameFrenzy
More parents should be like this.
"They treated me like an adult."
"Never belittled what I was feeling or what was meaningful to me, and explained practicalities of life when need be."
"'Because I said so' was NOT a common phrase."
"Also, they were the most supportive parents anyone could ask for, and they had the time to get involved with the things I did."
"My dad taught me scientific wonder and mentored my robotics team."
"My mom volunteered for all my theatre and music stuff while simultaneously serving on school boards, PTOs, Friends of Music, curriculum committees, and about a hundred other things."
"They are just incredible people."- nernthestrudelGiphy
Sounds like a great dad.
"My dad always made my brother and I take the lead."
"He would obviously always know what was going on and would be a few steps ahead of us."
"If we were in a new city, we would be in charge of working out which bus to take, or if we were cooking, we'd be reading the recipe and telling my dad what to do, etc."
"It's pretty simple but it meant we were pretty good at doing things ourselves and were already really independent before leaving home."
"We were visiting London once and I managed to get on the tube before the doors closed, but my dad did not."
"I knew where we had to change so just got off at the stop and waited for the next train with him on."
"I think most 8 year olds might have freaked out a bit."- ThisArsehole
A useful life lesson.
"My mom always made me try a bite of any food in front of her before she'd allow the 'I don't like it' line."
"Now, thanks to her, I'm willing to try any food/drink once, even if I think I won't like it."
"I'm glad she did that."- dontaskmethatmoron
No free rides.
"Made me work."
"There wasn't a free ride, chores and working on the farm weren't an option, they were mandatory."
"As long as school work was done and I wasn't at practice or a game, I was expected to be helping, and that meant work all summer long too."- sitdwnandhngonGiphy
.....can you give me some tips?
"Never gave me a cent to spend."
"I earned every single dollar of my wealth throughout my life."
"I'm in my mid 30s and if I lose all my money tomorrow I won't even be that stressed because I know how to earn it back because I've done it before."- vadermustdie
Well that took a turn.
"Father: Taught me in the early 00's (when I was 16-20 or so) how to use computers, so I wouldn't be one of those people later in life going 'dUr wHaTs A cOmpUtEr1!1'"
"Godfather: Taught me not to spend money foolishly, but don't be afraid to spend it."
"You can't take it with you when you're gone."- DemonKyoto
There are benefits to playing sports.
"They pushed me into basketball and sports in general, even though I wanted to quit every other weekend."
"I was pretty fat as a kid and I naturally didn't like it at all at first, but it ended up being great for me, both for health reasons and for socializing."
"The latter was also very important, cause I had no long-lasting friends since my parents moved every year and I always had to change schools."- I_hate_travelingGiphy
Old school advice, but still useful.
"Controversial one but as a kid but don't start any physical violence but if someone punches you, punch them back."
"I seemed to be targeted for bullying and violence in school and this helped."
"As soon as someone knows you will fight back, 9/10 will give up."
"Definitely different as an adult though."
"As an adult I'd rather just avoid any physical violence entirely because the chances are, if they are getting into physical violence, they probably don't have a lot to lose and you don't want to get stabbed or something."- SlightlyIncandescent
You never know how people will behave
"My dad taught me that no matter how mad you are, it's best to apologize than to make things worse because it will often do no good to get more riled up than is necessary."
"My mom taught me that not everyone is going to like me and thats okay and if they don't like me, they're missing out."- Dropped-Croissant·
They set me on the right path
"I'm very grateful that my parents raised me 'Liberal' and always with a critical and open mindset, that was almost the reason why got good grades and the friends I have now."- DeutschiRegister To Vote Election Day GIF by Creative CourageGiphy
Taught me essential skills
"My mother taught me how to cook and sew in effect making me very self-sufficient."- mehdihs
Consequences for bad decisions were punishment enough
"My mom never set any rules for me, she let me figure things out myself and supported me if I made the wrong decision."
"She never punished me for anything, negative consequences was my punishment (like drinking too much and vomiting)."
"She constantly told me about stupid sh*t she did as a teen."
"I always felt loved, supported and free."
"I never had any reason to rebel or lie to her."
"She treated me like a person and she was always so proud of me."
"She was my best friend and I’ll always be so grateful that I got to have such a wonderful mother for 18 years."
"I miss her with every heartbeat."- MjauDuuudeExcited Season 2 GIF by Gilmore GirlsGiphy
Opened my eyes to new experiences and healthy food!
"Mine were mostly a**holes so the good stuff stands out lol."
"Two things compete for the title of 'Best Thing They Taught Me'."
"One was their enthusiasm for diversity."
"They were always hanging around immigrants or foreign visitors, both to give them a hand settling in, and to hear all about their homeland, get a taste of their traditional foods, etc."
"They took us to various multicultural stuff from visiting Chinatown, Little Italy etc whenever we were in a city big enough to have such areas."
"To attending festivals where those of assorted backgrounds showed off their traditional art, costumes, performances and foods."
"I absorbed the idea that, when you encounter something that is new and strange, rather than being uncomfortable, you should be excited that now your day is more interesting and you are becoming more cultured."
"And the idea that minorities are our friends, colleagues and neighbors, not some Other, who Our Kind avoids."
"This was pretty revolutionary because we lived in a region without much diversity of culture, faith or race, and were surrounded by bigots."
"The other one was healthy eating."
"Some health nut parents raise their kids badly risking rebound."
"Like a gal at my gym, last I heard her kids were around 5, and had never tasted sugar or flour, or many other things like chips/crisps."
"I'm sure that works about as well as abstinence-only sex ed y'know?"
"Those kids will be drawn to the mysterious and forbidden junk food items, out of curiosity and rebellion."
"As soon as they are old enough to sneak around they will be huge gluttons."
"My parents on the other hand didn't try to forbid anything."
"If I ate a third helping of dessert they would just say 'hm wonder why that is!'"
"When I mentioned a sore stomach later helping me notice consequences for mistreating my body."
"The way they pushed me to adopt their healthy way of eating was, more carrot than stick."
"My mother would flip right out about something like 'OMG you have GOT to try some of this melon!'"
"'It is the best melon I have ever had!'"
"'Wow, check out the texture, the flavour, wowww!'"
"Repeat for a good batch of carrots, beans, broccoli, nectarines etc.'"
"I absorbed her excitement over some batches of produce being better than others, which translated into an excitement over buying produce."
"Or 'Mmm sample a spoonful of this soup I just made!'"
"So rich in taste and texture eh?'"
"'So comforting on a cold day like this!'"
"'I can hardly wait to get back from our outing and have it for supper!'"
"She never argued against junk food just argued for health food."
"Like on a wintry day she never said 'Hot chocolate is unhealthy, full of sugar and caffeine'."
"'You should have this pureed squash soup instead, a much healthier way to warm up'."
"And indeed, once in awhile she was in the mood for garbage and brought out the cocoa and marshmallows herself."
"She didn't make unhealthy food seem off limits, just demonstrated choosing it seldom, and choosing healthier stuff as her normal default habit."
"To this day I default to veggies and other nutritious snacks, and fail to see any magic in junk food."- StopPoopinInMyLilacsfitness eat clean GIFGiphy
A penny saved is a penny earned
"They gave me an allowance and took half of it and put it in a savings fund."
"Meanwhile if I wanted to buy anything I had to use the money I had earned from my allowance."
"They wouldn't buy me toys or video games unless it was my birthday."
"It's made me better at appreciating my money and saving no matter how much extra I have at the end of the check."- Mehtevas52
Never underestimate logic!
"My dad taught me critical thinking skills, particularly in investing."
"Things like, 'If it sounds too good to be true it probably is'."- Nelsb85
The lessons our parents and guardians teach us can last a lifetime. What would you add to this list? Let us know in the comments.
The key to any successful relationship is communication.
The ability to be open and receptive to what a significant other has to say, as well as the ability to be able to convey something weighing on one's mind, can be healing.
But depending on the circumstance, some things are better left unsaid.
Curious to hear examples of what those might be, Redditor FamiliarFarmer8356 asked:
"What's something you wish you could tell your partner without upsetting them?"
If there is conflict, there is a way to discuss and address the issue in a civil and respectful manner.
Things Just Happen
"Every bad thing that happens doesn't require someone to be blamed for it. And that someone doesn't always have to be me."
A Cornerstone Of A Successful Union
"One of the cornerstones of a good marriage, is knowing how to argue. I’d actually say that before a couple get married, they should check how their potential partner behaves in an argument. What are they like when they get angry. It’s important because no two individuals are going to agree all the time. And on those occasions, it’s important to remember not to belittle the other. Deal with the issue at hand. And especially, don’t argue in front of the kids. You have no idea how much lasting damage this causes."
"All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principles of equal partnership."
It's Not That Deep
"please stop complaining about everything."
"If you keep seeking out reasons to be miserable, you will find them."
"I'm tired of being dragged down with you."
There's no need to get defensive when there's something to discuss.
It's Not About You
"That some days I’m just tired from class and work and just want some me time, it’s not that I hate you my social battery is just running out."
"Her first reaction to something adverse doesn't have to be anger."
In The Words Of A Pirate
"In the wise words of captain Jack Sparrow sometimes:"
'the problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude toward the problem.'
It Takes Two To Tango
"That I wish she’d be more independent so she didn’t need my help for everything outside the house."
"That it’s a little disturbing how aggressively he drives when he’s grumpy… heavy on both gas and brakes, zooming in and out of traffic, swearing at people who make mistakes… very unlike him."
Sometimes the truth hurts when talking about members of the family.
A Real Assessment
"That her mother is not a good person."
"I told my husband that it's not that his family is nosy and overbearing, it's that I hate watching him cave and negotiate as if they have a right to behave like this, and I really hate when I'm the bad guy for wanting reasonable limits."
"It got worse, then it got better, FYI."
"His parents are greedy, selfish people and treat him like an atm."
There's definitely a fine line between withholding your thoughts to protect the person you love and being brutally honest.
If coming clean isn't going to resolve an issue, then it might be better to suck it up and deal with whatever frustrations you have about the other person.
It's up to you, but make sure the delivery doesn't come from a place of rage if you do decided to be totally transparent about your negative thoughts.
Every family has a black sheep or every family in its entirety are black sheep.
What is a "black sheep" anyway?
It used to mean a person who brought shame or embarrassment to a family, but it's more often used now to mean the member who is just very different from everyone else—sometimes in a good way.
Redditor Frozen_yoghurt123 asked:
"Who is the 'black sheep' of your family?"
I'm the black sheep or at least I'd like to think so.
"Probably my dad's cousin, who went to prison for murdering his lover's husband."
DW_555Oh My Wow GIFGiphy
"My Dad. He is the only one of 6 siblings who wasn't a huge f**k up. And yet, before my Grandma died she stated that he was her 'biggest disappointment.' He is estranged from his surviving siblings... not by his choice. It honestly blows my mind."
"Toxicity is often a group mindset thing; people don't want you to leave because they are dysfunctionally co-dependent on each other and need each other to justify their own shortcomings in life. A lot of the 'family loyalty' stuff is typically shouted loudest by those who are the least good idea to stay loyal towards."
"My great uncle who stole my great grandfathers identity, stole a couple million dollars, and ran off. No one even knew he was alive until my great grandfathers funeral in 2009. No one has seen him since. My grandma started to cry because she honestly thought he was dead."
"Everyone else just kind of nodded on his direction and went on with the rest of the funeral. I just remember being very confused because I was 9 and I had never met this guy who my dad pulled me aside and told me he was my great uncle. It was a few years later that I got the full story."
"According to my mean aunt, the 'matriarch' in her own mind, it's my twin brother because "he doesn't care about family now that he's a doctor." (He's a resident. Chief resident. He works ridiculous hours and spends the rest of the time recovering from work.)"
"According to my ex-MIL (who still counts because she's Son's grandma), it's me, for divorcing her son."
"According to everyone else, it's Mean Aunt. The rest of us are warm and caring and compassionate. We have our moments; all of us have been accidentally thoughtless or done something selfish once in a while, but we're not deliberately mean and snarky all the time."
"My immediate family are the black sheep of the entire family."
DarthDreganJohn Stamos Cheers GIF by GrandfatheredGiphy
Sounds like everyone has a little black sheep in them.
"By now, my brother for cutting off everyone because he prefers his rude, selfish, paranoid, narcissist wife over all of us."
"My wife is the black sheep of her family in the sense that she's the only one who isn't a rude, selfish, paranoid narcissist."
Lvcivs2311Joe Dirt Brother GIFGiphy
"Me. My granddaddy told me 'I’ve only had the sheriff knock on my door two times in my 80 years, and both times he was looking for you! 'I did some dumb sh*t, caused a little trouble, burned a few bridges but always managed to stay out of jail. Partly because my sister has kept an attorney on retainer for me since I was 16."
"My younger brother (2nd of 4) is a compulsive liar and it got him in a lot of little trouble as a teen, then he told his wife he graduated a big college when we're not even sure if he got his GED because he failed to graduate HS, went to some GED school and eventually just stopped going."
"IF he graduated college, he never mentioned he was going in the 4+ years it takes nor mention graduation or have a diploma. He's not a bad dude, but now family time is super awkward when he and his wife are talking about 'their' college team."
The NOT good girl...
"My aunt's daughter. She’s been in jail for drugs, stolen money from my aunt and other family members to use on drugs and physically abused my aunt. My aunt has tried getting her help, but nothing has worked. She’s just not a good person, and everyone in my family, except my aunt, doesn’t want anything to do with her. I haven’t seen her in 8 years now, and I’m happy about that."
"A former nun - my great aunt - left the religious life and got married. She called herself 'the black sheep of the family' because her habit was black."
Back2BachExcited Julie Andrews GIF by The Rodgers & Hammerstein OrganizationGiphy
Well the black sheep sound like the most interesting family members.
Sex is great, but there are more ways than one to accomplish that euphoric feeling without sex.
There are so many small, ordinary aspects of life that can just send a person and we come across them daily.
A good steak.
A home repair.
The things that make you say...
"I tingle all over."
Redditor OldAboba asked:
"What is the best non-sexual physical feeling you’ve ever felt?"
Adele. Adele live. She sends me.
FloatingRelaxed Exit Strategy GIF by Hannah Bronfman Giphy
"I got a professional full body (everything but my man parts) massage a few years back for the first and so far only time at a spa after the recommendation from a coworker. I felt like I was floating on a cloud for the next few days."
Through your nose...
"Sneezing when you're sick. Then you get that about 20 second feeling of breathing through your nose again and you like ahh that's what I aspire to at the moment."
"Or the very last sneeze of your illness. During a fire drill in high school, I was ambling out after fighting a head old for a few days. The alarm was killing my head which was already throbbing from the sinus pressure."
"I was nearing the field, well away from my classmates, when I cough/sneezed out a huge, green loogie - cleared it about three feet, no icky trail - and by the time I was walking back to the building I was feeling pretty much back to normal. No more head cold after that. Never had something like that ever happen again where there was such an abrupt end to the head cold."
"Right after a migraine goes away. It's almost a spiritual experience."
"This was going to be my answer. I was in the ER one time for a really bad migraine. They gave me what they called a 'migraine cocktail.' When they pushed it through the IV I could feel the cold liquid make its way through my body, up to my head. Once it hit my brain, the migraine was gone. It was pure ecstasy. Even better was that cocktail had Benadryl in it so I fell asleep not long after and slept so good."
"That stretch til you shake when you wake up."
"I once stretched too hard in the morning and got the worst calf cramp ever... it looked like a prune and I thought I would die from the pain. Couldn't stretch in bed for months afterwards out of fear it would happen again."
"When you move over 50, it turns into that stretch til you put your back into a muscle spasm that lasts days."
The ItchScratching Feel Good GIF by 60 Second DocsGiphy
"I had a cast and splint on both my legs for 2 months. When they cut it off, they scratched my legs for me and the itch was just top notch! Yeah."
Itching an itch can change a life.
YUM!Emma Stone High Quality GIFGiphy
"When you're starving all day and devour a bomb a** meal."
Sleep for Life
"When you’ve been up for 20 hours+ and finally get into bed and you just know it’ll be the best sleep of your life."
"But man, after 36+ hours, the body sort of aches and it's hard to fall asleep despite being completely exhausted. Then the restless legs kick in... ugh. I do agree that a 20hr-ish stint is amazing to cuddle into, especially if you don't have to get up at any specific time the next day."
"Makes it better when you’ve been sleep deprived for weeks and know you have NO PLANS tomorrow and can sleep as much as you need."
"When you're absolutely busting for a pee and you can finally go!"
"Apparently there’s a thing called a 'pee-gasm' that people (usually women) have that causes an orgasmic feeling when you pee after holding it for a while! I’ve definitely experienced this and I’ve intentionally waited a while so I could have that good feeling... lol."
I Can Hear!!
"The feeling of water leaving your ear after being there all day."
"I had some impacted earwax for a week in one ear, and when it finally got removed it was the best feeling in the world. Initially it was like having a tv or radio in my ear that only had static, but then I could hear. Good god, I could hear. It was amazing."
"Oh man, and it’s WARM from being in your head, and the warmth makes the sensation of leaving even better."
A Good Restdog puppy GIFGiphy
"Sleeping in a warm blanket in winters."
"Or sleeping in a cold blanket in summer."
I am enthralled by all of those things.
People need to stop throwing out unwanted advice.
And when it is requested, think before you speak.
People with mental disorders don't need everyone telling them they have a fix like "exercise" or "herbal supplements."
Redditor Gold-Ad-2827 asked:
"People with mental disorders: What do you hate being told the most?"
I hated being told to just smile. You smile and go away.
Duhseth meyers GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"It's all in your head. Where else would it?! My colon?"
"Everybody goes through that."
"This saying makes my blood boil. Or the 'I was that age once too ya know' yeah no sh*t you were that age once. And just because you were that age once doesn’t mean we have the same experience."
"They try to minimize it."
"You're worried? Just stop."
"You're sad? Just don't be."
"You're compulsively binge eating? Eat less."
"Thanks for that stellar advice."
"Or even better, 'Just do it!' As if ADHD paralysis can be stopped with a can-do attitude."
"I get so frustrated when people treat the idea of 'holistic medicine' as some kind of woo. How does it escape so many people that the body works holistically? Even a lot of doctors seem to ignore this. It's very frustrating when you have 2 or 3 or 4 illnesses that are all affecting each other, and your 'physical health' is held distinct from your mental health, and nothing anyone is doing to treat you works because no one's looking at the whole system."
"I just got a lecture from a psychiatrist I am seeing about nutrition, and he apologized to me for doing so but I told him, 'No, I appreciate it. Do it for all your patients.' because it told me he's trying to look at the whole picture and actually fix what's wrong. It gave me faith in him."
RelaxCalm Down Golden Girls GIF by TV LandGiphy
"You need to calm down."
"Never is the history of calm down has calm down ever caused anyone to calm down."
Calm down. I hate that one. You calm down.
TipsSeason 23 Reaction GIF by Law & OrderGiphy
"When they try to give me tips on what to do, like bruh as if I didn't already try that."
"You don't look sad. No crap... that's so I can avoid having this conversation. Also depression isn't 'being sad' like people think."
"God, I hate this. It's because saying 'I'm depressed' has been standard for people expressing that they're slightly unhappy about something dumb like not getting enough croutons on their salad or some crap. Now that's just what everyone assumes you mean when you say you have depression."
"'Stop being lazy.'"
“'Lazy' is when you don’t want to do anything at all. 'Executive disfunction' is when you can do everything at all, but that one easy quick thing that you do want to do just makes you and your brain freeze completely days ahead. I’m tired of people not understand that even when I explain and look at me like I’m bullshitting instead."
Ways to Cope
"Maybe you should try praying harder. I did, He prescribed medication."
"Praying is a way to cope for a lot of people, I think. That's totally fine, but insisting on praying in lieu of getting real help or actually addressing the issue is when it is not only unhelpful, but dangerously detrimental."
"Religious people will bypass everyone’s cultures, identity, views, and feelings just to be right and make a point. it’s disgusting. I read somewhere that real so called Christianity is all wrong. The real faith is from the Aramaic history and all the meanings were misinterpreted and the stories and all were made up by Catholics wanting to control their people. Yuck."
'contamination'Disgusted Season 6 GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy
"As someone with OCD with a lot of attention to 'contamination', having someone try to explain contradictions in why I'm doing something that is technically unclean when I wouldn't do something that is technically clean due to OCD. There are a few doorknobs that I will not touch no matter how much you clean them in front of me and I know it makes no sense, if it made sense I wouldn't have OCD i'd just be cleanly."
Stop trying to be an armchair therapist. Be empathetic to people first.