Adults will always make honest mistakes when it comes to raising their children. Unfortunately, some of their misled beliefs about child raising can have lasting negative affects into their kid's adulthoods.
Redditor u/AlexDescendsIntoHell asked people to open up about how their parents unintentionally hurt them, by asking... "What is a seemingly harmless parenting mistake that will mess up a child later in life?"
20. Not letting children be emotional
"Telling them to 'suck it up' because it give kids the thought that their feelings don't matter to anyone else and nobody will care for them if they tell people about their feelings. It gives children the thought that if they cry or even express their emotions, they're weak and nobody will care."19. Parents acting like friends
"Being a friend instead of being a parent, or otherwise blurring those lines."18. Pushing gender roles
"Being told that I couldn't have GI Joe's because 'I was a girl', or being referred to as a 'tomboy', because I didnt want to wear MAKEUP at the age of NINE... God forbid."
17. Ignoring a child's health issues
"I used to get routine stomach aches after bedtime, my parents thought I was crying wolf- I now have health anxiety and OCD issues stemmed from it"
16. Statements like these
"'Because I told you so.'"
"Saying anything to the effect of 'Do as I say, not as I do'"
15. Yelling at them for the little things
"Yelling at them for common mistakes. I once got yelled at off failing one class, and from that day on I would hide any sort of bad school grade. Yelling at your children only teaches them to hid mistakes, or stop making them."
14. Exaggerating how smart they are
"Saying 'You're so smart!' rather than 'You figured it out!' when they solve a problem or complete a task. Doing the latter praises the process of learning over their innate intelligence."
"Yup. Was told 'you're so smart! You're too smart for school' and I believed it until I painfully realized I am not as smart as the people around me made it seem.
It really isn't good for kids."
13. Trying to control their futures
"Trying to engineer your child. Parent's are meant to guide their children. You don't get to decide who they are going to be."
12. Gossiping about your children
Giphy"Using your kids secrets as gossip matterial. My mom did this with my aunt, both behind my back and right in front of me. Literally giggling and laughing about it with my aunt in front of our families.
Now she wonderes why i have issues trusting people and why i dont tell her very personal things or secrets anymore."
11. Forcing your opinion on them
"Not letting your children form their own opinions. It can absolutely hurt them mentally as you risk them going to a radical end of the political spectrum or end up turning psychotic in other instances."
10. Discouraging them from being curious.
"Discouraging them from asking questions. Yes it can be annoying to keep hearing "but why daddy/mummy?" but I've met far too many adults who admit they stopped asking questions because as a kid their parents would shut them up or be like "there he/she goes asking questions again." inquisitive minds need that fostered."
9. Telling them that cruelty is still love.
"Telling them that the family members who are mean to them or neglect them, love them."
"This is how it is in my house. My mother is the best mom i could have asked for but she refuses to see that my dad is mentally abusing and mocking all of his kids because he is always nice to her."
8. Lying about the fate of a pet.
"When I was four my parents adopted a kitten.
Of course I had never seen anything quite so delightful before and I could barely keep my hands off the little fur ball.
So about two or three days passed, I get up in the morning and walk out and ask "where is the kitten"? And my parents told me that he died - implying that my roughhousing had killed it. I was terrified to touch an animal for several years thereafter.
In fact they had simply given the kitten back to the people they got it from."
7. Not giving them responsibilities.
Giphy"Not having them do chores.
My parents pushed me to be academic - so doted on me hand and foot as a kid to make more room for study. When you're too young and stupid to know any better you think it's a blessing.
When I moved out to uni I didn't really know how to clean, when to clean, what to clean with, how to wash clothes, how to get them dry etc. The only thing I could do is cook and binge drink."
6. Telling kids about "adult" problems.
"Getting them involved in problems they have no control over. My parents felt the need to keep me in the loop regarding our pending foreclosure and argue in front of me over which one was to blame when I was ten. What possible reason is there to share that with a kid? I barely slept for months. I was convinced the cops were gonna bust in at midnight and throw us all outside."
5. Children will remember how you made them feel.
"The belief that they won't remember because they're young. I remember."
"I don't quite remember all the words my mom said to me, or all the specific things she did to me when I was younger, but I remember how she made me feel. That doesn't go away."
4. Not respecting a child's personal space.
"Not stopping when your child says "stop." Whether it's teasing, or tickling, or wresting. Kids who have parents that don't respect their boundries always seem to end up being the biggest bullies because they've learned they don't have to respect other people's feelings."
3. Never saying "sorry" for your mistakes.
"Never telling your child that you were wrong and that you're sorry. Just never once occurred. My father never once said I'm sorry to me. He was human , there were plenty of times he should have. My kids have heard from me plenty."
2. Breaking a promise is like telling a lie.
"Not following through with your promises. If you told your child you were buying ice cream tomorrow in the hopes that they'd forget and the next day when they ask you tell them no they'll see you as unreliable. (Ice cream is just the first thing that came to my mind, I'm sure someone else can explain better what I'm trying to say here without sounding so ridiculous)"
I taught my children at very young ages that outside of extreme circumstances failing to keep a promise made is the same as telling a lie.
1. Keeping a child from experiencing failures.
Giphy"Telling your kid they are always a winner. We love our kids and want them to feel special, but it's setting them up to be disappointed later in life when they find out not everyone can win. Let them feel the disappointments early on, and teach them it's ok. They'll grow up better able to handle the stresses of life."