10. Bounching is dangerous work.

Ex Bouncer here, little dude comes up to the door, I decline entry because he was way too intoxicated, he starts screaming, Bohemian hollaring, dealt with it before no big deal. I turn to wave the other doorman over and this guy jumps on me, I lose my footing knocking me down, he punched me in the chest 7 times (so I thought) my other doorman rips him off me. I stand up with my adrenaline pumping (again normal), my stomach feels really warm tho and I touch it, I look at my hand and I'm bleeding ALOT, dude stabbed/slashed me 7 times in the chest.

Quit shortly after.

8675309ei9

9. Quite a night.

Bachelorette party: "You're kicking me out? I'm the least sober person in my group, and you're kicking me out?"

Happy Birthday: Mid December in Washington state, this kid had just turned 21 and wanted to come in after midnight (policy did not allow this). Plus he was already pretty wasted from earlier celebrations. A cop follows him to his car, dude drives off. Police chase him for about a mile. Abandons his car in the middle of the road, then starts running through a parking lot. Cops chase him on foot, but he gets back to his car. So what does he do? He hauls back to the club, where at least four other cops and 15 bouncers were waiting outside. Ditches his car again and tries to get in a few others. All locked.

Dude ended up with a few felony charges and a good tasering for his birthday.

ProfessorRGB

8. How about not harassing waitresses?

When I was a DJ at the bar back in the day, some drunken assho*e started being a dick to the waitress, smacking her @ss, making a grab for her tits, etc. The bouncer grabbed him by the back of his hair and knocked over every table with the guy's face as he dragged him toward the door. Then he used his face to hit the panic bar on the door and threw him out into the street.

It was a little much, but I think that bouncer had a crush on that one waitress.

thudly

7. Outgunned.

I was the kicked-out part but I really want to share this so hope you don't mind.

I was at a bar with friends and got WAAAY drunk. So I did the irish exit and I told the bouncer: "I'm completely wasted right now, so I'll do your job for you and throw myself out". The bouncer told me "Hey, don't you want a glass of water first? You'll feel better in the morning trust me". So I went back in for a glass of water. Got icy cold water and lots of ice cubes, felt supergood. Then the bouncer told me "You've had enough, I'm gonna have to throw you out" and escorted me to the door. He was smiling ear to ear and I realized he just one-upped me.

Ouroboros612

6. Yeah, you eat that napkin.

A few weeks ago a group of four came in (a mother, her daughter, and their boyfriends) it was the mothers birthday. She refused to be served by a woman bartender, we had two women bartenders that night, no others. Our bartender decided to still serve the rest of the mother's group, but the mother continued to complain about not having a drink but still refused to let a woman make it. The daughters boyfriend was getting really irritated at how rude she was being towards the bartenders, they got into an argument and the daughter's boyfriend punched the mom in the face and knocked off her glasses. The men went outside to "talk" and the girls went to patch up in the bathroom.

When I told my manager what had happened he was unsure what to do because the mother didn't want to leave but the boyfriend obviously shouldn't come back inside. After I told my manager how rude the girl was being to the bartenders, he kindly asked them if they could go to another bar nearby. Of course she freaked out saying it was her birthday, but we weren't going to get a new staff member to serve her just because of that. The mothers boyfriend got everyone to leave eventually.

Also, that same night we had a woman come in and eat a napkin in front of our hostess and then leave, not relevant to this story, but it was a weird @ss night for all of us.

hailzing

5. Wait for it...

I worked in a club in the 90s that was open on Friday and Saturday until 4am. In this state (Ohio) we had to stop serving alcohol at 2am, and often people would try to sneak in drinks after that.

I was walking through the dance floor just after we cleared all drinks and saw a kid with a beer. One of those "tall boys" that we didn't even sell.

It looked like he just opened it, and I was in a good mood. He looked like an nervous kid who probably never bothered anyone in his life. I decided to be nice and just confiscate the beer.

As soon as I opened my mouth he tried to take off running. I reach out and grab his jacket, and hear a thud. It takes me a moment to realize he just dropped his gun on the dance floor.

He was immediately held down by about three of us, cops were called and he went out in handcuffs.

Phynal

4. You booze, you lose.

Everyone who works in the industry pretty much knows everyone else in the area. So after we finish our shift, we head out to a local bar. We're pretty close to the tenders and bouncers so we're enjoying some beers and shooting the sh*t when all of a sudden the biggest bouncer "Dave" a 6'3" 275 lbs refrigerator of a man (total sweetheart as well) walks by with a dude over his shoulder like a bag of potatos. The guy in question is kicking his feet and trying to swipe Dave like a toddler being put down for a nap.

So Dave sees us, greets us with a chipper "What's up my dudes!" takes a shot from the bar and walks outside like he wasn't carrying a thrashing sack of drunken meat. It was so surreal I had to double check how many drinks I had at that point.

Another time at the same place we see one of the other bouncers taking out a screaming old dude who was WAY to drunk. The cops are following right behind him to make sure everything goes okay and the dude walks home. Nope. Once he's outside and realizes there is no way he's getting back in, he flips off the cops, and gets in his f*cking car! The second the cops see the lights turn on, they each get on a side of the car and force him out of the car to be arrested.

CrossFox42

3. Good luck unhearing this sound.

A patron passed out sitting the toilet. He had puked into his pants and underwear around his ankles. I rattled the stall till he came too and put his pukey pants on after failing to wipe his ass. After escorting him out the back door and I got him into a cab. I'll never forget the splooshing sound he made as he sat down in the cab.

djauralsects

That poor, poor cab driver.

DCCXXVIII

2. This wasn't in the employee handbook.

I worked for a while in a bar during college. I was the junior-most bartender, so when we were slow I would help do security at the door.

One night I'm checking IDs at the door while our head bouncer was standing there looking intimidating. He was about 6'5", rail skinny but nothing but muscle. So as I'm checking peoples IDs as they come in, a small guy, possibly of Middle Eastern descent, comes walking up from the parking lot. He had been 86ed the night before for being obnoxious to several women, so he was permanently banned from the bar. Randy (the head bouncer) sees this guy coming and just starts shaking his head, "No."

The guy walks right up to Randy, and pulls out a small semi-auto pistol and sticks it right in Randy's face and says, "I'm going to kill you." Randy looks at the guy, looks at the gun, looks back at the guy, and then leans down and says very softly, "No, I'm going to kill you." As this is happening right in front of me, I revert to my extensive lack of training and immediately start to hyperventilate and trying not to wet myself.

The dude with the gun stares up at Randy, looks at the gun in his own hand, and then takes off running back into the parking lot as fast as he can.

Later on that night after the bar closed, we were cleaning up and having a few drinks, so I asked Randi what the hell was he thinking when he said that. Randy responded, "Little gun. I would have had time to break his neck before I bled out."

"Is that that all that matters?", I asked him.

"That's all that matters"

jwgriffiths

1. He did this... "again?"

I've shared this one before in other thread but I never get tired of telling it:

I worked as a bouncer in a strip club for a little over 3 years. I have WAY too many stories for one post so I'll share the one that disturbed me the most.

One night, while working the front door, I was standing in the doorway watching vehicles pull into the parking lot because we can often spot problem people before they even exit their vehicle. People driving crazy, chugging beers before getting out, couples fighting etc etc.

This night was the only time I ever saw a hearse pull in.

The driver makes his way inside and proceeds to get sloppy drunk and gets cut off from the bar. Then he starts trying to leave, like in a hurry. At this point, all we are thinking about is getting him to stay and sober up before he gets behind the wheel again. My coworkers and I tried everything we could think of to convince him to stay. "Hey man, stay and have another table dance, stay and enjoy some free coffee, some free food, whatever. We'll even call a cab for you". Nope.

He just keeps heading for the door repeating, over and over "Nah, man. You don't understand. I gotta GO!". We follow him out to the parking lot, still trying to change his mind when one of the other bouncers realized we are following him... to a hearse. He yells "DO NOT tell me you've got a f*cking BODY in there man!". The driver then says " Yeah, that's why I keep telling you I have to go! Look I'll show you".

As we all stand there, utterly speechless, he swings the rear door open and raises the lid of the coffin. Inside, we see a nice looking older gent who is obviously on his way to his own funeral. "See, this is why I gotta go! If my boss finds out I did this again, I'll get fired!". This is the part where I like to stress that yes, he said AGAIN.

TL;DR: Alcoholic hearse driver gives poor dead stiff one final trip to the titty bar.

SpawnicusRex