Being attractive is a universal desire for most people. However, just like how every cloud has a silver lining, every blessing has a disadvantage. What are the downsides to being hot? These Redditors will reveal the truth to being attractive.
u/automaticsage asked: Good looking people of Reddit, what are some actual disadvantages you face because of your looks?
Social moth.
Arrogance. Everybody thinks you're an arrogant f**k when you don't talk or make contact at a social gathering. It's simply because I want to chill and be reserved. Nothing to do with arrogance.
I'd say I'm a social butterfly but I'm really just a social moth.
Often not related.
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They assume I have a large penis too, they are often disappointed.
The Halo effect describes the phenomenon that when people notice positive attributes in one specific field they also assume them to exist in other fields. It's a cognitive bias.
Not the worst assumption.
People assume I'm gay when I'm with male friends.
People assumed I'm gay because I'm quiet lmao. But it was only a problem when I was in the US
The struggle.
Huge pressure to find a partner. I've been called cute by girls and women for years now, because of my colour and eye combination but I've never had a girlfriend. When people jokingly ask me how many girlfriends I've had, or how many hearts I've broken, I feel an insane amount of pressure because I've never had a girlfriend and I don't currently have one.
And if you're wondering, I've got green-blue eyes with a Mediterranean colouring.
Wooooow.
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People seem to assume I'm (F) stupid or naive and need help. My favorite was when a cable guy drew a map of how he would run a cord from the 1st floor to the 2nd of my townhome. He even mimicked using a drill while making drill sounds with his mouth.
I have a PhD in mechanical engineering.
This got real.
People project a lot of their feelings onto you, they make a lot of assumptions.
If the haze wears off and I don't meet their made up standards for me, they get mad like I betrayed them.
To add to this, for me it becomes more of a problem with close friends. When we're at a bar on a Friday night and I'm sitting with my buddy who really likes this one girl in the bar and she comes to talk and its evident she's more into me than him.
I'm not really trying and I am barely interested in you an my friend here is cool, smart, funny and likes you can you please stop looking at my face and throw him a bone?
Who doesn't love Cheetos though?
As a guy, apparently I look a little too intimidating, if that makes sense. Like I look like the person who has their life figured out and doesn't take crap from people. In reality, I'm a socially awkward guy who loves nerdy facts and Cheetos.
I've been told my husband looks intimidating. And they think I look so sweet because I am usually smiling.
Funny thing is: he's a sweet ol' teddy bear. I'm the b*tch.
Dating is tough enough.
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In dating life, people really expect a lot more from you when you're good lookin'.
They go off on your looks, and create an image in their heads of what you'd be like, before actually meeting you.
I hate it. I hate it. I f**king hate it! I struggle with self doubt so it hurts when I can't live up to some impossible image that they created of me in their heads. What are your options? Act inauthentically or watch them slowly lose interest? How do you even communicate this kind of discomfort?
I avoid dating.
Extrovert problems.
Any friendly conversation I have with a guy or just smiling (I am an extroverted person) is automatically considered flirting. The unrealistic expectations and assumption that I can easily find a relationship.
Guys, good guys especially, are intimidated by my looks too easily and just give up either because of insecurity or because they think I am high maintenance. Ugh!!!!
A surprising difficulty with women.
Until I met my wife I always had difficulty with women. Mainly back in high school, the girls that did want to go out with me were shallow and just wanted the status of having me as their boyfriend. Those were really bad relationships that never lasted long.
And then there were the girls I actually liked who weren't extremely popular and had trouble believing I had genuine interest in them. I admit that it didn't help that I had had a number of short relationships with the 'it' girls in school which gave the appearance to some that I was a player but that wasn't me on the inside.
It took moving cities before I finally managed to meet women who didn't have pre-conceived notions about me and would give me a chance based on merit rather than reputation. Even now, at 36 years of age, we get women who glare at my wife and I as we walk along holding hands or try to flirt with me in front of her. It is fun to shut them down by telling them about the kind of woman I like while simultaneously putting my arm around my wife though.
Babyface.
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That I am a kid. Like I am in high school and I have a huge babyface. I look like I'm 11. It now looks stupid since I am growing a beard.
Ugh, mansplaining.
I'm not amazing looking but I (F) have a certain quality about me. Not bad looking, cute, a bit of a goofy personality and physically quite clumsy, and oh so approachable and non threatening. Think Anne Hathaway playing a character in a film in the noughties.
I get a lot of unsolicited advice from men and find it hard to do anything in public without some arrogant b*stard sliding up and forcing a sh*tty laugh and explaining the correct way to do it. In my old job a guy even tried to show me how to mop a floor and I'm surprised there wasn't smoke coming from my ears.
That's annoying.
I get treated like my self esteem issues don't count because of my appearance. I had terrible self esteem throughout the majority of my teens which I've worked really hard to try and overcome, but I still feel uncomfortable even posting in this thread because of them. Thanks to a mixture of genetics and how I've been exercising regularly since I was like 8 years old (now 22), I'm both curvy and visibly fit (aside from cardio but I'm working on that) and as I've gotten older I've become more aware if the effect I can have on people, but when I try to express my insecurities I basically always get some sort of response along the lines of how I'm so pretty and so many people would kill to look how I do and I have the perfect body. Funnily enough, it never makes me feel better.
ETA: Thought of another one. People I'm friends with will just... tell me they had a crush on me/want to sleep with me fairly regularly, then just leave me with that information to deal with. I'm bi so I also get a double dose of it, and tbh it is kinda affecting how I act around friends, because I'm always a little on edge and hyperaware that they may only be friends with me because they want to hook up with me. I have had people straight up just stop talking to me as soon as they get into relationships, and it's always so hurtful when that happens because it seriously just feels like they were my friend because they wanted to f*ck me, and as soon as that stopped being an option I was dropped.
Jealousy is a disease.
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I'm female. I "blossomed" when I was 19 and it was very difficult for me to deal with. It became impossible to make female friends during college for one. Women HATED me. They wouldn't want me around, wouldn't talk to me, would be extremely mean-spirited, make a point of excluding me socially, and I truly had no idea what was going on because I grew up awkward and never thought of myself as looking like anyone but...me. But overnight, my looks were getting a LOT of attention. It was very confusing and at times, extremely painful and hard for me to navigate. People were constantly commenting on my looks which made me embarrassed.
Sometimes women will want to be friends with me as a way to deal with their own insecurity issues to try to make themselves feel better (by putting me down and cutting me apart once we're "friends"). Or, people will feel better about themselves if they can be convinced you're stupid, so they'll try to make you out to be an idiot. Also, it generally seems to make people feel intimidated no matter how nice you are so they end up being cold / rude / generally weird toward you. Also, people will make your looks a topic of conversation which can be very embarrassing. Or say things like "you're so pretty, it's too bad you wear your hair this way...you don't dress up more..." etc.
I'm older now, and I get less attention than I used to, and for that, I'm grateful. My looks are nothing like they used to be and it's a relief. My husband says he sees people checking me out all the time, but I think either he's sweetly flattering me or I've just learned to ignore the looks. I really don't think I look that special (and I have my own insecurities as well), but people tell me all the time that I'm beautiful. It's nice sometimes, but I honestly wish I just had a pleasant, regularly attractive face that didn't get any sort of extra attention. For the few times I've enjoyed it, it's honestly been more of a distraction and prevented people from getting to really know me. That's the hardest part for me. The distance it causes people to keep from me.
Unless you're in the entertainment industry or modeling and making money from your looks (I tried that route and hated the whole thing), for me personally, it's been pretty much just a hassle.
This is infuriating.
I get sexually harassed every single day I leave my house. It's contributed to me having agoraphobia bouts and causes me a lot of stress and anxiety. I've tried dressing differently, not wearing makeup, not doing my hair but it doesn't matter. I feel wound up and on edge when I just want to be able to walk down the street without being yelled at or followed or even touched by strangers.
Do we even have a clue that they're the "one" that got away? How long until it sinks in? And how do we not know there isn't another "one" coming behind them? I have no answers. Just asking...
The Draft
Episode 1 Omg GIF by RuPaul's Drag RaceGiphy"The girl who summoned up the nerve to ask me out towards the beginning of high school. I was so humiliated by the life my family was living that I stalled until she gave up."
"Betsy, if by some stroke of dumb luck you're reading this... I'm so sorry. It was 25-27 years ago, but I still hate myself for that. You were beautiful, intelligent, a good person, and if I had anything resembling a stable, presentable home I would've said yes in a heartbeat... I had a crush on you since 7th-grade 'intro to drafting.'
I Love Her
"Weird, I was just confiding in my mom about this last night. I'm late but for catharsis's sake I'm going to post. My first girlfriend is a classic case of you don't know what you have until it's gone. She's the complete package. Beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, and so kind. We started dating when I was 17 and broke up when I was 21."
"For reference I'm 30 now. I was an idiot. I wanted to play the field. I wanted to party and hook up with college girls. It was fun at first but after a while I felt this gnawing hole in my heart. The feeling of doubt crept up slowly and still, a decade later my chest feels tight thinking about it."
"I didn't realize until my later serious relationships that getting along with your SO's family is so important. Her mom and step dad genuinely treated me like a part of their family. It's not a stretch to say I literally grew up with these people. I spent some of my most formative years with them. Birthdays, Thanksgivings, Christmases, you name it. They celebrated me and my accomplishments. They genuinely cared about me. Just amazing, salt of the earth, lovely people."
"Her birthday was in March and I sent her a text and we ended up talking for a bit. She's happily married and stable with a daughter and a second on the way. I'm genuinely so happy for her. She deserves happiness. I just wish I was a part of that. Sitting at work 10 years later I'm tearing up. I numbed myself out to it for years, it's so strange to me that I've been so stuck on her lately. Is this normal?"
- direct07
15 Years Later
"My very first real love. I was a teenager and I didn't really know how to be comfortable in myself or with myself. I played silly teen girl games and lost him even as a friend. Now 15 years later I still think about R from time to time. I genuinely hope he's happy in his life."
"Edit: Wow this blew up while I was sleeping. Thanks for all the sweet words and to everyone with their "one" congratulations! I suppose I hadn't looked him up on social media because I'm scared, scared he won't respond, scared he will respond, scared he'll think I'm a stalker. I'm in a happy relationship now, but what if... Etc etc etc. But I'll give it a Google."
Missed You Much
rhythm nation dance GIF by Janet JacksonGiphyA girl I dated in high school. Went on a date one time she took me out parking and I was too stupid to realize it.
"She always talked about moving away as soon as she got finished with high school. I always thought I would stay in a little town the rest of my life. Turns out I was the one who left and move to another state. Later I heard that she had told someone that I knew that she thought that we would be married at some point. Missed it by that much."
Ok... I've been a bit blind to the light. People can be cruel, but also highly creative. Why not just lead with the truth? It'll always hurt more after lies.
Chuck E.
Chuck E Cheese Wink GIFGiphy"Ah the rare AskReddit question I can answer."
"I met a wonderful woman circa 2013-2015. We worked at what I can best describe as an upscaled Chuck E Cheese. Or ghetto Six Flags. Your choice."
"We hit it off instantly, though at the time I was rather romantically inept. Eventually, she says she's leaving to join the Air Force. I tell her I'll miss her, and wished her well. The thought of asking for her number so we could stay in contact didn't even cross my mind."
"Cue the next day, I stop for lunch on my way to work, and as I'm walking to my car I hear my name being called. I turn around, and it's her, running toward me. Universe giving me a second chance, right? Wrong. My dumb butt still didn't ask for her number. She looked a little upset, and I still think about her often. Desiree, I hope you're doing well."
The Getaway...
"He was my first and last love. I was 16 and he was 18 when we met. We bounced around like idiots, on again off again, finally got together mid 20s. We both fell into bad habits - drugs and alcohol, more booze for me, more drugs for him. We had some bad things happen that were pretty detrimental to staying sober. We would split, reconcile, get sober, fall off the wagon, split, etc... repeat as necessary. We realized we were very bad for each other unless we could BOTH just get sober for ourselves, and split."
"Ten years later, I was sober for 7 years (still am, going on 18 years end of this month, actually! Woo, go me!) and he was beginning to come back, sober about a year. He contacted me, we met, talked about trying again. He said that once he had been totally clean for a year, we'd do it. That whole "Don't make any changes for a year" thing. I would visit him, tho, things were good."
"He woke up one morning feeling bad, thought he had the flu. (This was pre-now) I stayed around because he was sick, but neither of us thought he was drastically bad, just the flu, right? He got worse and worse, finally we called an ambulance because he got up from a nap and couldn't breathe. He died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Aortic dissection."
"He got away, but someday I'll see him again. I never stopped loving him, and him me. We just weren't good for each other."
Ce la vie...
"My most serious Ex."
"Don't think I truly understood love until I met her. Loved her more than I ever thought I could love anything. It eventually ended when she told me that, through no fault of my own, she had fallen out of love with me. That was 2 years ago, still hurts to think/talk about."
"Ce la vie..."
The Avoid...
"I'm in the middle of trying to avoid that right now actually."
"It's not worth the heartache trust me. I fought to stay in a relationship for an entire year. If I would've just let her go the first time she wanted there would've been a lot less pain. We would've left on good terms. I would've lost a lot less sleep. Rip the band-aid off because once the band-aid starts peeling it's inevitable it'll fall off with time."
Kim Tate Eye Roll GIF by Emmerdale"My ex and I broke up over 3 years ago. Mutual breakup through a lack of communication on both ends I feel."
"Thought I was over that hill until this week she messaged just to say hey and ask an innocent question. We text for the best part of the day and it's brought up a lot of old feeling. Feeling pretty bitter sweet right now."
Love is a mess. Why even bother trying if you can't be true? It's not hard to just spell out the situation. And if you're the one needing to put together the words... look closer. The dialogue shouldn't be difficult.
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