Wedding Officiants Share Their Craziest 'Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace' Experiences
January 13 | 2021
Image by Gerhard G. from Pixabay
Years ago I became an officiant to preside over my best friend's wedding. I was super excited because I love a good spotlight performance, let's be honest, the officiant is the principal lead, at least at my weddings. I am also an avid daytime and primetime soap opera junkie.
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<p>I live for those weddings where the real love of whoever's life stands up makes a whole bunch of mess. From Luke, Laura and Scotty on General Hospital to Jackson, April, Matthew and Stephanie on Grey's Anatomy, those wedding interruptions were fantastic high drama and I yearn for the day I officiate a wedding and witness this moment in real-time--with a happy ending of course. These are the reasons you always pay for an open bar.</p>Redditor <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ksqyd5/wedding_registrars_officiants_has_anyone_ever/" target="_blank">u/CC2385</a> wanted to hear from everybody who has lead a wedding when that "soap opera" moment has actually happened by asking..... <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ksqyd5/wedding_registrars_officiants_has_anyone_ever/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Wedding registrars/ officiants: Has anyone ever spoken up when asking "speak now or forever hold your peace"? What happened?</a><p>BTW... I am still available for weddings.</p>
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Clear your throat....
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTQ0NTA1OS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2NjEyODYwNH0.Bf3knPSn4Iwcfu6hNqoBtDPPo1BHFXae_YOde4dk2k4/img.gif?width=980" id="5e38b" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="02263932b44b6f27de369f132883e0c8" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="244" />Giphy<p>Only thing close, although I wasn't the officiant, was the groom's mother coughed when this was asked, as she didn't like the bride. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ksqyd5/wedding_registrars_officiants_has_anyone_ever/gihuay7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"> thelittledavies</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/thelittledavies/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"></a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Cuckoo....
<p>A wedding years ago at the bride's parents home. Everything was perfect. They thought that they had thought of everything, but when the question was asked, right on cue, the cuckoo clock sounded off. It was ten minutes before they could continue, and even then the officiant, bride and groom were choking back giggles. They were still together 25 years and 2 kids later. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ksqyd5/wedding_registrars_officiants_has_anyone_ever/gii8v7t?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">fredzout</a><span></span></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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"start some crap"
<p>We were doing the practice run the day before the wedding and my best man took me aside and told me in private that if I got cold feet he would object and "start some crap" to distract everyone for me to make my exit. He even checked the back church doors to make sure. During the ceremony he was the first person I looked at when they asked. Besides the Peter Griffin laugh when he handed me the ring it all went smoothly. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ksqyd5/wedding_registrars_officiants_has_anyone_ever/giiqlpq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Mister_APlus</a><span></span></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Sea Monster
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTQ0NTA2Ny9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0MDY2MTAwNH0.b7c0yNJkCNRUpVNhyLn2yqG4EeG4X6QntJmynkzUJWw/img.gif?width=980" id="52f4b" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="9531f70e169128f36cb7994591352c2c" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="480" /> Giphy<p>At my wedding we were asked that, as the room went silent all of a sudden we heard my friend's 4 year old pipe up with "I'm a jellyfish!". Broke the tension! </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ksqyd5/wedding_registrars_officiants_has_anyone_ever/giix0m7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Samsons_girl</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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'Til Death!
<p>"I'D RATHER DIE THAN LET THIS MAN MARRY MY DAUGHTER!!" -Mother of Daughter</p><p>The husband was an abusive alcoholic, the daughter showing up at her mother's door multiple times covered in bruises with her children crying, and when the priest asked the daughter if she still wanted to continue she was like "Yeah. He's gonna change."</p><p>He did not. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ksqyd5/wedding_registrars_officiants_has_anyone_ever/giitlso?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">zodwa_wa_bantu</a></p>Poor Matt
<p>My sister's wedding last summer, when the officiant was at that part, my dad yelled "c'mon lets all admit we don't like Matt (the soon to be husband) so we can get out of here". My dad is also an alcoholic so it makes more sense and he was kicked out so yay. Makes it even funnier because no one in my family 100% likes my sisters husband. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ksqyd5/wedding_registrars_officiants_has_anyone_ever/gihvws4?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Bbaby_13</a><span></span></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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The Strawberry Family
<p>My grandmother's sister's family owns a large farm and on this farm is a beautiful strawberry patch. My cousin got married in peak strawberry season in the patch. It was beautiful. The patch is right beside the irrigation pond the sprinkler system is attached to that keeps the strawberries watered. </p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>As the preacher asked if anyone objected to the match a flock of geese took off from the pond going, "WAAAACK, WAAAACK, WAAAAACK, WAAAACK!" It was captured on film and everyone got a kick out of it. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ksqyd5/wedding_registrars_officiants_has_anyone_ever/gij5uw5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">carmelacorleone</a></p>
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Times Up....
<p>"Last chance Em!" - father of the bride.</p><p>To be fair to the groom, she isn't exactly a winner either. Everyone giggled like it was a joke. It was not. They married in April last year (4-20 hurr durr durr) with a pot themed wedding. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ksqyd5/wedding_registrars_officiants_has_anyone_ever/gii4isr?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TurtleScientific</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_8" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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"but I love him!"
<p>It happened at my wedding. My now husband's group of high school friends say together at the back. When the question was asked one yelled "but I love him!" The room was silent for a second before my husband and I broke out laughing. It wasn't a serious ceremony, we had a sex joke mixed in there and I had a bridesmaid faint. 10/10 would have my ceremony happen the same way. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ksqyd5/wedding_registrars_officiants_has_anyone_ever/gijf5ti?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Missbeerbitch</a><span></span></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_9" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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HER?!
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTQ0NTA5Mi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzOTU1NTM2OX0.rp5IB_f4Zk6lHit3e_K5QQquCAYF9_9o36aSsS42fmI/img.gif?width=980" id="175e3" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="78c16b93ed55498987718a182caeb5b7" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="360" />wedding beach GIFGiphy<p>I wasn't there, but when my cousin was little (like 3) I wasn't officiating but attending a family friends wedding (Groom). I was sitting pretty far back so I didnt hear everything but basically as soon as the officiant said "Speak now or forever hold your peace". One of the bridesmaids had muttered something under her breath. There was a big gasp and then chaos because one of the other bridesmaids had started swinging on her and the bride was egging her on. The groomsmen stepped up and broke it up and the bride and groom walked away to talk. What I found out was the bridesmaid who had spoken up was the groom's sister. She apparently had found out that on the weekend of the bachelorette party the bride had screwed her ex BF. She had muttered it "under her breath" but of course loud enough for the wedding party to hear. The brides best friend then started swinging on her.</p><p>Everything was awkward until they called the wedding off and hour later.</p><p>A few months later they broke up. I guess the bride had had a few more indiscretions during their relationships that came out in counseling.. </p><div id="taboola-mid-article-1x1" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>She was in love with said best friend. So when they asked that, she yelled "WHY DID YOU MARRY HER?!" Much laughter ensued, and we still talk about it thirty years later. Pretty sure they're still married.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ksqyd5/wedding_registrars_officiants_has_anyone_ever/gijlnf9?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">alkakfnxcpoem</a></p>
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<p>I wasn't officiating but attending a family friends wedding (Groom). I was sitting pretty far back so I didnt hear everything but basically as soon as the officiant said "Speak now or forever hold your peace". One of the bridesmaids had muttered something under her breath. There was a big gasp and then chaos because one of the other bridesmaids had started swinging on her and the bride was egging her on. The groomsmen stepped up and broke it up and the bride and groom walked away to talk. </p>
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<p>What I found out was the bridesmaid who had spoken up was the groom's sister. She apparently had found out that on the weekend of the bachelorette party the bride had screwed her ex BF. She had muttered it "under her breath" but of course loud enough for the wedding party to hear. The brides best friend then started swinging on her.</p><p>Everything was awkward until they called the wedding off and hour later.</p><p>A few months later they broke up. I guess the bride had had a few more indiscretions during their relationships that came out in counseling.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/FriendlyObserver8/" target="_blank">FriendlyObserver8</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ksqyd5/wedding_registrars_officiants_has_anyone_ever/gik56dh/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"></a></p>
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First hand account
<p><span>I'll make the story short, always had an on again-off again deal with this woman for many years. The day before her wedding she came to my house, spend the whole day. Her friends, parents, everybody but the groom called me throughout the whole day and evening if I had seen her. I lied to all these people per her request. She wanted to marry me and not the groom. Said multiple times during the day and during our 'activities'.</span></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_13" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p> It was weird. Late that night she left my house and I didn't hear from her, or anybody else till the ceremony the next day. Day was totally normal until the officiant asked that loaded question. Bride's eyes shifted to me and so did a few other people. Never been so nervous in my life to not make a damn sound. I was sealed up tighter then a frog's a-hole. I didn't say anything. The ceremony went on as normal and once it was done. I got in my car and left.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/HenreyLeeLucas/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">HenreyLeeLucas</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ksqyd5/wedding_registrars_officiants_has_anyone_ever/giidoih/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"></a></p>
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Check all the rooms
<p><br>This happened at my wedding; well, it was more that it was interrupted- my fiancé was still married! He had told me she died, and that's why I was hired as a nanny for his kids. So, his BIL and his lawyer stopped the wedding. Turns out his first wife had serious mental health problems, was an arsonist, and was living in another part of the house. No wonder it was a quick engagement!</p><p>Anyways, wedding was called off and I noped out. Then she died in a fire she lit, the whole house burned down, ex-fiancé went blind. I went to check in on him later, I mean, it was mostly for the kids but kinda wanted to show off how I was doing better in life.</p><p><span>We kinda got back together though.</span></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Dreamiftesseracts/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Dreamiftesseracts</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ksqyd5/wedding_registrars_officiants_has_anyone_ever/gikbmai/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"></a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_15" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Smite instead of smitten
<p>Friend's in-home wedding. A thunderstorm started as they started the ceremony. "Speak now or forever hold your peace" - huge thunderclap that echoed for a few seconds. It was accurate, don't think they lasted a year.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Mrs_Cake/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Mrs_Cake</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ksqyd5/wedding_registrars_officiants_has_anyone_ever/gikz92n/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"></a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_16" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Finally finding the love of your life to settle down with after experiencing one disappointing date after another is pure bliss.
<p>But it's what comes after the initial attraction that makes your soulmate one to stick around for. </p><p>Whether your significant other performs grand gestures – or even subtle ones – to remind you they're grateful for you, is always appreciated.</p><p>But it's the quirky idiosyncrasies that will always prove you've found your person. <br></p><p>To demonstrate this, Redditor <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Danielly13/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Danielly13</a> asked strangers on the internet:<br></p><blockquote><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kqja0u/whats_your_favorite_thing_your_so_does/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">"What's your favorite thing your SO does?"</a></blockquote> <img alt="" src="https://www.redditstatic.com/desktop2x/img/renderTimingPixel.png">
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Understanding
<p>"She is very understanding. I never feel dumb saying something to her."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kqja0u/whats_your_favorite_thing_your_so_does/gi49kgf?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">dodger28</a></p><p>"Damn wish my relationship with bf were like that."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kqja0u/whats_your_favorite_thing_your_so_does/gi55wl0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">SleeplessNight21</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_36" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Brain Like A Sponge
<p>"He's just genuinely an optimistic person and it makes me feel better. He always finds the upside to something and focuses on the good and it's really refreshing - even if I'm being a negative nancy about everything."</p><p>"In addition his brain is like a dang sponge. He's so good at obtaining information and everyday I feel like he's telling me something new that he's been learning about, it's pretty cool."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kqja0u/whats_your_favorite_thing_your_so_does/gi4lr4k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">milkenema420</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Peace Offering
<p>"If we have an argument and are both huffing, she will secretly order us our favourite take away meal and leave it in the kitchen. I can't resist opening it and then she will come into me and say 'oh?' And we will both just start laughing and say sorry."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kqja0u/whats_your_favorite_thing_your_so_does/gi4ir42?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">luckycharms_889</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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"My Happiness"
<p>"Always asks me if I'm ok or what's wrong when I'm quiet. I'm in my head a lot so it really helps to keep me grounded. She's my happiness."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kqja0u/whats_your_favorite_thing_your_so_does/gi4bmtc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">allthingsbangboomzip</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Cute Voice Memos
<p>"He can never remember the lyrics to any songs. That doesn't stop him from singing along at the top of his voice. We're long distance at the moment and he sends me voice memos of him singing along to songs he knows I like, always with the absolutely wrong lyrics. He's adorable."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kqja0u/whats_your_favorite_thing_your_so_does/gi4hmvw?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">AHedgehogNamedSeb</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Respect
<p>"She'll turn off her phone and give me her undivided attention."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kqja0u/whats_your_favorite_thing_your_so_does/gi4u613?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">kukukele</a><br></p>Dance Connection
<p>"My SO is a bit of a music nerd, so when he discovers a new album he puts it on speaker."</p><p>"The thing is, he often gets so lost in the moment that he starts dramatically mouthing the words and dances along to the tunes. Soon enough he drags me into his little eccentric dance."</p><p>"Are we good at dancing? Hell no, but he's f'ken feelin' it and in those moments the strongest emotions I feel are happiness and gratefulness for his existence."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kqja0u/whats_your_favorite_thing_your_so_does/gi4yqb8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">I_must_not_buuut</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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What Mutual Passion Does
<p>"Gets super excited about things he is interested in, but even more excited when they are things I am also interested in because it's something we can share."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kqja0u/whats_your_favorite_thing_your_so_does/gi46ti2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">mkm577<br></a></p><p>"I can attest that when my girlfriend is interested in stuff I'm interested in it makes me really happy."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kqja0u/whats_your_favorite_thing_your_so_does/gi4wexr?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">MET90LX</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Those Three Words
<p>"He randomly says 'I love you'. Like we will just be sitting on the couch watching the news, and he'll say it. I know he means it then. It makes me tingle inside, even after 6 years."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kqja0u/whats_your_favorite_thing_your_so_does/gi4zefl?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Denverleah74</a></p><p>"Mine does this too. We'll be doing something completely random and he'll just look at me and say I love you baby. Gives me the warm fuzzy feeling inside."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kqja0u/whats_your_favorite_thing_your_so_does/gi6jnot?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">anonymous2278</a><br></p><div data-conversation-spotlight style="min-height:90px"></div>
Hunan Pillow
<p>"loves to fall asleep on me anywhere especially on vechicles."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kqja0u/whats_your_favorite_thing_your_so_does/gi48sva?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">PaintComprehensive36</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_8" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Couples Therapists Explain Which Relationships Instantly Set Off Red Flags For Them
January 08 | 2021
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Yes, love is a splendid thing... until it's not. Sometimes forever is just not in the cards. And often the story should've never begun. We have to learn to recognize when our "love" story has turned toxic. Couples go through ups and downs sure, that's why it's always a good idea to visit a third party, not sexually, but visiting a therapist is always healthy.
Sometimes an outside ear can bring it all together. And they can also let you know when it's time to run. They know the signs.Redditor u/Gnerdy was hoping some therapists out there would share with us about the times when they knew they were treating couples that may be beyond help by asking.... Couples therapists, without breaking confidentiality, what are some relationships that instantly set off red flags, and do you try and get them to work out?
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Options
<p>I'm not a therapist, but my therapist straight face told me that "there are worse options than divorce".</p><p>Got divorced and it was the best thing that happened to me. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/krym7q/couples_therapists_without_breaking/gidevbz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">pconwell</a><span></span></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_36" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Choose for Us
<p>One partner says they're seeking your services to help them determine if they want to stay together; the other partner says they're seeking your services to make it so they stay together.</p><p>Then it's about highlighting the points and allowing the person who is on the fence decide what they want, since the other person knows.</p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p><strong><em>Edit:</em> </strong>I am sorry to be reading about how many people experienced being the person who wanted to stay together when their partner was unsure. I hope that, whatever happened, you have found or are finding happiness again. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/krym7q/couples_therapists_without_breaking/gidbrk0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">ChickenSoup4theRoll</a></p>
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The Cousel
<p>I saw a couple that was doing "retaliatory" cheating (and telling each other about it). When they got through their anger, they decided to call a truce and made peace. With their level of emotional maturity, I doubt it lasted. I don't know if I helped them or prolonged their suffering. </p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>It was their decision to come to counselling, so I think it was the help they wanted.</p><p>Other clients realize what they really want is "divorce counselling". What's the best way to behave civilly and minimize damage to the kids while we go our separate ways? </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/krym7q/couples_therapists_without_breaking/gid97vd?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">lightspeeed</a></p>
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They're Wrong
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTI2NjMzNi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0NzcyNDIxN30.Hsqcl2j6TCRmkS47sVFsDtcPPe554vsBW-TNvj1lb2U/img.gif?width=980" id="dda59" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="591039a5d8c365d83577116376bbac6b" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="278" />Argue Sesame Street GIFGiphy<p>People who approach therapy with the idea that they must convince the therapist that they're right and their partner is wrong. Almost like they're complaining to a parent or boss to have them sort out the problems. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/krym7q/couples_therapists_without_breaking/gid770t?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Hyujikol</a><span></span></p>Remember When....
<p>Relationship therapist here.</p><p>One of the biggest red flags I see when working with a new couple is when they've totally forgotten the good. Part of relationship therapy is reconnecting a couple with what they like about each other, what initially attracted them to each other, and what the positives are between them.</p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>When people come in and they've been so unhappy for so long that they actually can't remember what it was like to be in love, or to even like each other, they're just about hopeless.</p><p>You don't have to be happy for therapy to work--but if you can't even reminisce about the good times, then the good times are probably over.</p>
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<p><em><strong>EDIT - </strong></em>This is clearly resonating with some folks, so I'd like to recommend a book. If you find yourself in this situation, check out "Hold Me Tight" by Dr. Sue Johnson. She gives some solid explanations of how people get into this cycle, as well as some suggestions on how to try and navigate it. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/krym7q/couples_therapists_without_breaking/giddztw?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">TiredMold</a></p>
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See One Another
<p>When I see a couple in which one or both of the members are seeking to change something fundamental about the other person. We process where the need for the change comes from and the person with the issue evaluates whether it's a dealbreaker for them or not. We work on acceptance and tolerance of others. I also recommend my couples are also in individual therapy on their own.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/krym7q/couples_therapists_without_breaking/gid7uub?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">ladyledylidy</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_8" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Pleading the 5th....
<p>I was in couples therapy. At the end of the first session, the therapist asked us to say one nice thing about each other. I went first, said something nice about him. Therapist asked him to say something, and he replied "My mother always told me if you can't say something nice, say nothing. </p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_9" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>So I'll say nothing".</p><p>Felt so sorry for the therapist.</p><p>And yes, that's when I started planning my exit. I am now very happy in a new relationship and my "revenge" is to be living my beet life. Very happy now. :). </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/krym7q/couples_therapists_without_breaking/gidtrnh?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Chrisom</a></p>
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Lost Peace
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTI2NjM0MS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyMDU1MTAyMn0.OeMngXR0tLEGpA998OlYYBBBm0hsmU8lukDNs3zNR1U/img.gif?width=980" id="bd80f" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="745801e16b4a814ea25d033196739dd5" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="400" data-height="400" />mad rainn wilson GIF by T-MobileGiphy<p>Contempt. When I experience true contempt from one in the relationship I know it is usually over. Look towards a peaceful ending at that point if possible. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/krym7q/couples_therapists_without_breaking/gid3sen?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">threerottenbranches</a><span></span></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_10" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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The Fiancè
<p>Not my client, but I had to watch as my own roommate dealt with her fiancè.</p><p>He was: A. controlling her (physically/activities/financials). </p><p>B. continuously dismissing her feelings/assessments/opinions (fiancè would revert to baby talk, speaking to roommate like she was an uneducated child, "daddy knows best" type of gaslighting garbage). </p><p>C. <em>trying</em> to hide his narcissistic tendencies behind his "good church boy" exterior.</p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_11" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>This was all happening in my condo while she was waiting to move out and marry him. I usually tried to stay out of their issues, but one afternoon I softly encouraged her-- saying I agreed with her re: an argument I'd witnessed earlier in the day-- she came back that night after the fiancè <em>convinced</em> her that." I was jealous and was trying to break them up so I could have him..."</p><p>She barely talked to me again until she moved out. Sadly they did get married, have 2 kids, and she's a completely isolated stay at home mom. I don't even want to imagine what it's like for her at home. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/krym7q/couples_therapists_without_breaking/gidp1fp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">LurkersEmerge</a></p>
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Mean It...
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTI2NjM0Ni9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NDA4Mjc4NX0.wQcT1frVC2NIr5XBW3r1tR1eESSQ4PSSnq6_dSDOinw/img.gif?width=980" id="56eb0" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="031d55e0744ebc682cd70823d4852e35" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="640" data-height="360" />ava duvernay couple GIF by OWN: Oprah Winfrey NetworkGiphy<p>It's very easy to work out when one person knowingly prioritises their own wants and needs over their partners. Relationships like this are often doomed because the person simply doesn't care enough to make any meaningful change. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/krym7q/couples_therapists_without_breaking/giczfvo?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">ocelot_piss</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_13" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter <a href="https://mailchi.mp/knowable/knowable-newsletter-in-content" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">here</a>. <br></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/krym7q/couples_therapists_without_breaking/" target="_blank">REDDIT</a></p>
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I don't know if it's really a smart decision to wed the person you've been cheating with. The whole relationship is tainted from the jump. It all begins with scandal and lies, those are not promising ingredients in the beginning of a love story. But the "heart" wants what it wants. So who are we to judge? There has to be a bunch of great tales that discuss what happens when the forbidden aspect of your "relationship" just becomes... regular sex and marriage. Let's find out. How exciting.
Redditor u/Mexican_Tragedienne wanted to hear about some love stories that started off a tad scandalous by asking.... Married men of Reddit who got divorced to marry their lover, how did it turn out?
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Too Young to Start
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTI1MDk2OC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzNzg2NzA1NX0.hPF9Vlr_OaD9lHxmPf3tMwXm90NOT3R-tHuHEXNFLSY/img.gif?width=980" id="8c62b" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="32059a4958378528e96632d310fea09b" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="260" /> Giphy<p>My father left my mother when I was one for another woman. <span>He married her a few years later. He and my mother only spoke well of each other, shared custody well, and generally it worked out pretty well for everyone. That was a lot less common at the time (I'm pushing 50 now). Both my mother and father have been remarried for more than 40 years now. They both talk about the dangers of getting married too young.</span></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kn8ldg/married_men_of_reddit_who_got_divorced_to_marry/ghj6d3n?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Tryingsoveryhard</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_36" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Dad's Lessons
<p>My dad had an affair when I was four. He divorced my mom and married the other woman. It only lasted 6 months before she divorced him and took half his stuff because he refused to give up split custody of the kids. Turns out she's done this type of thing at least twice before to other guys.</p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>He then spent the next 12 years of his life going through other women, with relationships lasting less than a year at their longest. He lost his job, moved into a studio apartment, had another kid with a woman who then moved halfway across the country and took his custody rights.</p>
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<p>But then last year he met a woman completely different from anyone he had dated before. They're married now and own a small organic farm in a small town. Him and my mother get along great and never argue. It's nice to see his story and realize that things are only crappy for a while. It may be a long while, but it will get better. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kn8ldg/married_men_of_reddit_who_got_divorced_to_marry/ghjx0r0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Ghidorahnumber1</a></p>
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A New Attempt
<p>This happened to my folks. Father left and attempted a relationship with his affair partner when I was a teen. It was short lived and volatile.</p><p>Old man left the country for a time. Eventually came back. Unfortunately, I think the series of choices left him quite depressed and he resorted to alcohol. He is in his late 60's and has remained alone.</p><p>On the plus side I think my mom's way happier on her own than she was in the marriage. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kn8ldg/married_men_of_reddit_who_got_divorced_to_marry/ghjfhre?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Birdgang_Truzz</a><span></span></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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All the Women
<p>My dad and mom married at 29 and 31. Has me shortly after.</p><p>Me at 5: Dad breaks up with mom and has baby with woman #2. Dad and mom reconcile and move back in together. Mom is accepting of new child.</p><p>Me at 10: Mom and dad still married. Woman #2 moves in with us. I catch dad making out with woman #3 (mother of childhood best friend)</p><p>Me at 15: Dad and mom divorce. Woman #2 leaves. Dad moves in with woman #4. She has son my age and daughter who is 17.</p><p>Me at 18: Woman #3 visits and dad has sexual relations with her. She leaves and is never seen again.</p><p>Me at 20: Dad marries woman #4. I can see he's hesitant about it.</p><p>Me at 21: Woman #4 runs away across country. Dad has child with woman #2 again. Moves in with her. She says child isn't his, he leaves her and starts living in RV. Child is definitely his.</p><p>Me at 22: Woman #4 returns. Lives in RV with him.</p><p>Me at 25: They buy home together. Woman #4 runs away again, never returns.</p><p>Me at 29: Woman #5 now introduced.</p><p>Me currently 30: Woman #5 moves in with dad.</p><p>All the while, my mom has remained single since I was 15 and is living with her sister to this day. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kn8ldg/married_men_of_reddit_who_got_divorced_to_marry/ghkdwvo?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">ThaDFunkee</a></p>
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The Christian
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTI1MTIwMC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0OTczMDA1N30.XmjIEVtk6E5hSarh7-OCCyONeH7dbGzZz44prWw2dZ4/img.gif?width=980" id="33a72" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="0f492d74aacc142625333f43ddf829f5" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="400" data-height="225" />tim curry no GIFGiphy<p>My bio dad had an affair and left my mom to marry the other woman riiiiight before I was born. </p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>Refused to pay child support or acknowledge me other than to tell my mom if she ever went after him for child support, he'd fight for full custody and would win since he was a newly married "Christian" man and my mom was a single army soldier. My mom remarried when I was a tween and that man is my Dad, the greatest Dad I must say.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kn8ldg/married_men_of_reddit_who_got_divorced_to_marry/ghk3y8x?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Sarcastic_Bard</a></p>
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She Too Much....
<p>My uncle was a Christian minister married for 24 years when he cheated on her with his old high school girlfriend and they got divorced. The new wife has spent the last decade and a half trying to make up for her guilt. She is utterly convinced that the family resents her so she overcompensates for everything, so now no one likes her, but not because of the infidelity, but because she's freaking irritating.</p><p>As for my cheating uncle, well, he now has a joint couples Facebook page where his wife can see everything he posts. She's also his voice-box now. Apparently they're very happy though. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kn8ldg/married_men_of_reddit_who_got_divorced_to_marry/ghjs3jk?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">carmelacorleone</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_8" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Boy Bye!!
<p>My soon to be ex-husband came home on a Wednesday and said he wanted a divorce. Packed a bag and left me with 5 children. I had been suspecting he was having an affair. He's with the woman now that i suspected. A coworker. Apparently, she also left her husband. It was hard but I'm so thankful she has to deal with his sorry butt now. The children and I are in a much better place. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kn8ldg/married_men_of_reddit_who_got_divorced_to_marry/ghkk64p?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Dizzy-Specific</a><span></span></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_9" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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You Single Right?
<p>My dad cheated on his wife with my mom. My parents stayed together until I was 3, then split up, but reconciled a few years later, married, and stayed together until my dad died in 1990.</p><p>My grandpa married a pregnant woman (not his) who only wanted to get married so her baby would have a name. He was sent to England during WWII, and met a cute Scottish girl who became my grandma. </p><div id="taboola-mid-article-1x1" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>She was badly injured in a car accident years later, and Grandpa took up with the next door neighbor while Grandma was slowly (11 months) dying in the nursing home. When she died, he married the neighbor, who became the only grandma I knew.</p><p>So yeah, when I met my husband, I made damn sure he was really and truly single first. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kn8ldg/married_men_of_reddit_who_got_divorced_to_marry/ghk8dvf?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Jenny010137</a></p>
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A Family Mess
<p>My mom left my Brothers dad (they were married) for his brother, had a baby with other brother, didn't last more than 6 mos, BUT my brother and sister are also cousins so there is that.... i also have a different dad who is unfortunately NOT related to the other 2 LOL. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kn8ldg/married_men_of_reddit_who_got_divorced_to_marry/ghjs05t?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Mean-Consequence-668</a><span></span></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_11" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Bro really?
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTI1MTI1Mi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1MjMzMTM5N30.GKw4FKfz35PEp5YbbjZqAKvNKWrkW97pBjuc-lZ0Wi8/img.gif?width=980" id="9e19f" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="08415ce5f6ca83115917e1e526434b24" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="282" />chris pratt dude GIFGiphy<p>My friend's brother cheated on his first wife and then married the other women, cheated on the second wife and then married THAT other women. Dude, maybe this whole marriage thing ain't your bag. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kn8ldg/married_men_of_reddit_who_got_divorced_to_marry/ghjvjb9?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">iHateMonkeysSObad</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_12" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Chocolates, flowers, and love notes are overrated.
While it's the thought that counts, letting the object of your affection know how you feel about them requires more creative thought to make a lasting impression.
<p>However, not everything goes according to plan. </p><p><strong>Being witnesses to a sad proposal, having flowers rejected due to skepticism, and a painful attempt at a strip tease were just some examples of botched declarations of love when Redditor <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Nzui_254/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Nzui_254</a> asked:</strong><br></p><blockquote><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kgpgby/what_romantic_gesture_did_you_try_to_make_that/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">"What romantic gesture did you try to make that instantly and horribly backfired on you?"</a></blockquote> <div>Sometimes, even Cupid's aim is off the mark. </div>
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The Crushed Secret Admirer
<p>"Wrote a letter to a crush on Valentine's Day. Signed it as his Secret Admirer and left it in his locker. Watched him open it. Still reading, he starts to approach me. I tense up."</p><p>"He goes, 'Its402Am...look at this...it's from Angeline. She wants to get back with me!'"</p><p>"No idea how the discussion of the letter went down but they totally got back together."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kgpgby/what_romantic_gesture_did_you_try_to_make_that/gggfxgv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Its402am</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_36" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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The Love Concussion
<p>"Took a date to a club; tried to do the tilt back while I hold her back, I dropped her. Married 7 years now..."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kgpgby/what_romantic_gesture_did_you_try_to_make_that/gggdmtn?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">icelands_miracle</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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What Happens When You Over-Share
<p>"Came to my wife for a hug...started out with an awww that's so sweet. Then I made the mistake of over sharing that I had asked one kid to watch a movie and another to play a game and no one wanted to do anything. Then she pipes up, oh so I'm third?! Fuuuuuuuuuuuuu*k."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kgpgby/what_romantic_gesture_did_you_try_to_make_that/gggd04p?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Eternal-Guard</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Sad Witnesses
<p>"I surprised my wife on Valentine's Day with a dinner at one of my wife's favorite restaurants that's really hard to get into. It was a crazy expensive three course dinner and the food was amazing. However... we got seated in a corner of the restaurant with our table and one other table that was about two feet away. We we were seated about the same time as the couple next to us. After about 5 minutes the guy gets down on one knee and my wife and I being 2 feet away are basically front row and start to clap... but the girl bursts into tears and says no. They then proceeded to eat dinner for the next hour, both crying the whole time. My wife and I pretty much ate our meal in awkward silence and couldn't really leave as we had to wait for each course."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kgpgby/what_romantic_gesture_did_you_try_to_make_that/gghqywa?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a><a target="_blank">WhiskeyVagabond</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Wrong Window
<p>"My SO and I had a fight in college. So to apologize, the next day, I printed out a bunch of cute/funny memes and taped them to his dorm window."</p><p>"I texted him, told him to look out his window. 'Why?'"</p><p>"It was the wrong window. I was tampering with a strangers window. And probably freaked them the f'ck out. When I explained to my SO my f'ck up and we hurriedly went to take them off the window, the blinds were open lmao."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kgpgby/what_romantic_gesture_did_you_try_to_make_that/gggdfq0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a><a target="_blank">OurChoicesMakeUs</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Mocking Chivalry
<p>"In a thunderstorm I offered the girl I was on a date with my rain jacket (as a true gentleman should); we then both ran to her car. When we got there she was totally dry (fantastic rain jacket) and I was dripping wet from head to toe."</p><p>"She laughed at me for being so stupid as to give my rain jacket away. We broke up because she thought I was so dumb."</p><p>"Suppose I did dodge a bullet there."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kgpgby/what_romantic_gesture_did_you_try_to_make_that/ggggq51?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Captain_Coco_Koala</a><br></p>No More Flowers Just Because
<p>"Randomly bought my wife flowers. Big mistake. First thing she said was what had I done wrong, if I was buying her flowers, I must have done something wrong. No amount of having done nothing wrong could convince her. Oh, well lesson learned."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kgpgby/what_romantic_gesture_did_you_try_to_make_that/ggg8wt5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">BulgarianSheepFeta</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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It Didn't Go Down Well
<p>"I took my Ex to a pub (yes im british) and we were going to have a lovely pub lunch."</p><p>"she ordered the chicken in white wine sauce, i had the lamb... the lamb was raw and the chicken in white wine sauce hadn't been cooked properly so it was basically raw chicken and alcohol in a bowl."</p><p>"i complained and got a refund with the guy behind the bar saying 'yeah, its the cheifs last day and he was being let go' and followed on with 'his mate behind the bar over heard the conversation and told him before the shift, we have been handing out refunds left and right'"</p><p>"so i dropped my Ex off at hers and had to speed all the way home for what is commonly known as a 'photo finish' to get my a** on the toilet before all holy hell fell out of my god forsaken hoop, so head in sink vomiting and my arse leaking like a sieve, needless to say my grand romantic gesture lead to 2 people having the worst food poisoning of the young adult lives... the place closed down almost over night and i believe is under new management now."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kgpgby/what_romantic_gesture_did_you_try_to_make_that/gggg4qa?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Empty-Refrigerator</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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The Note
<p>"Spontaneously bought flowers to be delivered to my new wife while I was at work. When I got home she was fuming and had obviously been crying. Instead of a hug like I had been picturing all day, she greeted me by throwing a handful of ashtray smelling greens and stomping out of the room between half packed moving boxes."</p><p>"Turns out the driver had smoked cigarettes on the way over and besides the smoke smell there were some ashes on the bouquet. More awful though, I had asked that the note say 'I'm happy for the wonderful time we've known each other.' The note actually said 'It's been nice knowing you.'"</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kgpgby/what_romantic_gesture_did_you_try_to_make_that/gghv1v9?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Sunlight72</a><br></p><div data-conversation-spotlight style="min-height:90px"></div>
Love-struck Teen
<p>"I wrote a poem for a girl when I was in high school at a summer camp (it was like a 4 week camp and idk what I was thinking honestly - lovestruck teenager). Her room was below and adjacent to mine and and my neighbor (directly above her room) happened to be somebody she talked to about things (like a brother relationship, he had a girlfriend at the time) and she decided to talk to my neighbor about the poem I gave her (they basically opened their windowsand talked up and down to each other). I overheard the entire conversation, and she pretty much thought I was a good guy but made it clear she wasn't interested at all like that with anybody right now. She pretty much stopped talking to me after that, didn't even explain herself, just avoided me. I probably would have been more hurt if I hadn't heard the conversation though honestly. The neighbor was a great guy, good friend about it with me though. She and another guy were pretty much making out though by the end of the week. I think it gave her the courage to make up her mind about things."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kgpgby/what_romantic_gesture_did_you_try_to_make_that/ggge1a1?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">rokit2space</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_8" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Strip Tease Fail
<p>"Tried to do a strip tease for my boyfriend. Stepped fully on his foot in heels, and kicked him fully across the face as a grand finale. I was so mortified that I cried. He was a jerk though, so in the long run, 10/10 would do again."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kgpgby/what_romantic_gesture_did_you_try_to_make_that/gghv1ev?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">CandidNotCandied</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_9" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Cat's Meow
<p>It wasn't a romantic gesture in my case. My girlfriend was upset that her cat died. So, I tried to cheer her up by making her laugh. She had this rubber popper thing. I put it on my forehead and got it stuck. Suuuppppeer stuck. Eventually, I pulled it off. Her laughing face turned to shock when she saw that the popper created a huge purple bruise right in the middle of my forehead. I had to go to work and high school with this huge purple splotch on my head for weeks. It did make her forget about her cat for a few minutes though.</p><p>-<a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Prs_mira86/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Prs_mira86</a></p><div id="taboola-mid-article-1x1" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Rom-coms
<p>Grand public or some rom-com movie-style gesture. I got broken up with after pulling one of those in college with my bf. As i grew older, I realized the negative implications of such overly romantic actions.</p><p>Though I'll admit, I do secretly hope to find at least one affectionate partner in the future.</p><p>-<a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Sweetragnarok/" target="_blank">Sweetragnarok</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_10" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>People frequently confuse "grand" and "public" with stuff like this. "Grand" doesn't mean a proclamation on high about your undying love. "Grand" means something that is extremely meaningful.</p><p>I read about a guy who met his S/O someplace with bolts (can't remember exactly what. Maybe they were both working on cars or something at the time?) and so when he decided to propose he had a jeweler take a hex nut and turn it into a pair of rings. <em>That</em> is grand, IMO. Something that demonstrated an actual, substantial connection.</p><p>-<a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/WatcherOfStarryAbyss/" target="_blank">WatcherOfStarryAbyss</a></p>
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Grandpa
<p>Spent $100 on a toy train set to put around the tree for Christmas, since my wife's talked about how there used to be one at her long-deceased grandpa's house.</p><p>Me, being dense as a rock, thought she missed the train.</p><p>Nope, she misses her grandpa, and she just so happened to see him mostly on Christmas, where he had the train set up.</p><p>-<a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Vulpine-Poltergeist/" target="_blank">Vulpine-Poltergeist</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_12" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Barney
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTEyMzkxNy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzNTIzMDg2Mn0.pQyN41zLffMQMz6PEYKf-9QggWfryZwoDzlPGjCxtb8/img.gif?width=980" id="35170" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="edd531eac4d2ac390845c59b8e3ab76b" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="400" data-height="400" />How I Met Your Mother Comedy GIF by LaffGiphy<p><br>The Naked Man. no story needed. most likely the worst possible thing that could happen happened.</p><p>-<a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Professional-Newbie/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Professional-Newbie</a><span></span></p><p>So it's true: 2 out of 3.</p><p>-<a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/_motherofdoges/" target="_blank">_motherofdoges</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_13" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>As a present for my then-boyfriend (now husband) for a significant event, I cooked all day and made lobster thermidor then chartered a night blue fishing trip. In our excitement, we both forgot he gets seasick if he loses the horizon.</p><p>Sun went down and he spent all 4 hours of trip chumming lobster into the ocean.</p><p>I didn't catch a bluefish.</p><p>-<a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/G0es2eleven/" target="_blank">G0es2eleven</a></p>
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Labor pains
<p>Made this huge plan to do all these things while my ex was giving birth to our son to keep her relaxed and keep things calm and smooth.</p><p>Did literally none of it. Stood there like an idiot in a total stupor, while she was like: "Hey, you gonna be ok?"</p><p>The nurse was even like: "If you're going to pass out just go, because we aren't going to be stepping over you."</p><p>-<a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Theearthhasnoedges/" target="_blank">Theearthhasnoedges</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_15" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Surprise?
<p>Tried to arrange a surprise party. If you're going to do this, <em>don't</em> do it by pretending your forgot her birthday.</p><p>-<a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/capilot/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">capilot</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_16" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Taking a stand
<p>My husband had been working long hours, so I thought I would surprise him by putting together our new tv stand on my own.</p><p>I have never built anything by myself. I am terrible at interpreting directions for constructing things. But I had some really misplaced confidence in my abilities. Idk if I thought love and good intentions would guide me or some BS.</p><p>He got home late at night, and there were pieces of tv stand all through the living room. I was close to tears, had blisters on my hands, and was aggressively trying to get a screw to tighten that wouldn't budge. I didn't realize that I had stripped it. Our dog and cat could barely find any place to sit in the living room because of the mess I had made.</p><p>My husband was so upset and exasperated. He sat on the floor and had to finish putting it together. Kept asking me why I would do this when I know I'm not good at this stuff. Told him I was trying to do something nice and romantic. Lmao he was up for a while after that trying to fix my mistakes.</p><p>Ended up just making his night harder, so definitely not my best idea.</p><p>-<a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/PartyPoptart/" target="_blank">PartyPoptart</a></p><p>I would have appreciated the effort</p><p>-<a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/I-amthegump/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">I-amthegump</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_17" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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