People Share The Best Responses To The Question, 'Do You Know Who I Am?'
"Do you know who I am?"
A question which often comes from an exasperated individual, who believes they are entitled to VIP treatment everywhere they go.
Occasionally, these people are indeed household names whom most everyone would likely recognize.
More often than not, however, people might need some reminding as to how or why said individual should be recognized.
Each and every time, though, the arrogant question is never justified, and is often greeted with an appropriate response.
Redditor brotherbrother99 was eager to know the best clap backs to this notorious question, leading them to ask:
"What is the best response to "'Do you know who I am?'"
That's starting to get old.
"I bet you use that line a lot."- michaelochurch.
Right back atcha!
"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"
"I AM!"- itskavia.
Need a reminder?
"Did you forget?"- Virtue-Killer-2.Who Am I GIFGiphy
"No, but it should be on your birth certificate or license if you forgot."- ItsMeBrandon_G
You tell me.
"No, who do you think you are?"- Random_puns.
I'll have to ask someone else.
“'Hey Brian, I’ve got a guy here who doesn’t know who he is!'"
"'Do you know who he might be?'”- llovejoy1234.customer service call center GIFGiphy
I'll take a guess
"Ronnie Pickering."- Shadow_0852.
I'm getting a sense...
"I know who you think you are."- automoth.
I'll help you figure it out.
"My husband was working in construction."
"A guy came onto the job site giving the workers a hard time about something or other."
"When he started yelling at my husband for whatever, my husband basically ignored him."
"The guy goes, 'do you know who I am?'”
"My husband yelled across the site to his foreman, 'Joe! Call an ambulance, this guy doesn’t know who he is!'”- Littlepaintbrush0814.
"Yes, and I've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty."- ShadyMyLady.
Rightfully put in their place.
"There is the old joke about the British Prime Minister eating out during the war time and asking for extra butter with his bread, the waiter refused to which the PM, rather annoyed, asked "'do you know who I am?'"
"To which the waiter replied, 'yes, I do, but rather importantly you have forgot who I am, I am the man who responsible for the rations of the butter'."- ScholarImpossible121Giphy
Who let you in?
"No, also why are you in my house?"- Glitched_cyrstal
Oh, to see this reaction...
“Do you know what would happen if I suddenly stopped going into work?”- DimbleAndFumble
Just be honest!
"No and walk away."- CopprRegendt
"And then you walk away."
"The chance for them to tell you 'who they are' is a last bastion for them."
"Take that away from them and save yourself some time."Shocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy
Actually, I do!
"Their Name."- SmarmyCaribou4
"And leave them alone."
"Or shush them."
"Im just tired so....."- Dull-Bridge-3671
No, but do you know who I am?
"I always like to point out that I am duke of žumberak, one mountain of croatia."
" I really am but its just title and i have no benefits from it."
"People's faces are priceless."
"Show them that if he is not king of England , Elon musk or president of France, he does not matter."- hrana-number-oneJohn Goodman Oops GIF by MANGOTEETHGiphy
Actually, it's a fair question.
"Well, nowadays you should probably tell me your pronouns so I can make a more quality guess."- zechsmom
No, but I know what you are...
"A dumb a**."- 05-3812-1
Of course, when people do dare to ask "do you know who I am", they never realize that the people they ask this immediately discover the answer.
Which is someone absolutely no one wants to be around.
Reddit user Ok-Discipline-4312 asked: 'How did that teacher get fired at your school?'
Whether or not we liked going to school growing up, we can likely all agree that we had one of those teachers who really didn't belong in the classroom.
From terrible tempers, little patience, and other bad behaviors, there are qualities that absolutely shouldn't be exhibited by a teacher.
But at least in some cases, the teacher gets caught in the act.
Redditor Ok-Discipline-4312 asked:
"How did that teacher get fired at your school?"
Creepy Phone Calls
"In the early 90s, a female student at my high school was receiving obscene phone calls."
"When police interviewed her, she told them, 'He sounds kind of like my history teacher.'"
" The police put a tracer on her phone, and the caller did turn out to be her history teacher."
Passing the Torch
"My high school had a notoriously stoney gym teacher, who was also hilarious. Every year, he did a miscellaneous object raffle during a random lunch hour. He basically just gave away whatever was in the lost and found box."
"Well, my junior year, one of the objects was a large and elaborate 'vase.'"
"Basically, he handed a student a giant f**king bong. He retired a few days later."
Rolling with the Punches
"A teacher used a sick day rather than a vacation day to fly to Japan to fight in MMA. He got caught and was fired for improper use of time off."
"He lost his fight and chose a different career path afterward."
"They used alcohol on the job. They had a bottle in the top left drawer."
"It took years to catch them, though."
"I had a few teachers like that. One lady had a can of Tab every day (remember Tab soda? laughing out loud)."
"Some kid made a mark on the bottom with a pen or something and found out it was the same can every day. She was refilling it from a bottle in her car."
One Word: Embezzlement
"Embezzling from the students. For quite a few years, she would collect money for this 'senior trip' that never seemed to materialize."
"She was arrested a few years after I graduated. I wonder if she's out of prison yet?"
"Holy s**t, I just had a repressed memory pop up in my head. We had a 'ski club' when I was in 8th grade, and the teachers constantly collected money from us for our 'ski trip' that we never took. I wonder where all that money went?"
All for the Prom Queen
"S**t, there was a vice principal that wanted her daughter, who went to the same school, to be the homecoming queen super bad."
"So she hacked into dozens of parents' district portal accounts and stuffed the ballot for her daughter."
"Not quite 'steal the money' or 'embezzle' bad, but still 'go to prison and never work in education again' and also 'your daughter isn't going to college now' bad."
A Sweet Future
"My middle school choir teacher was a closeted gay man. He had a long-term boyfriend but none of us knew about it, until one day a parent saw them at a HOUSE PARTY making out."
"They spread rumors throughout the school and multiple parents immediately removed their children from his class. The parents complained to the school and got him fired."
"The good news is, he eventually quit teaching and opened up a bakery with his partner, which did very well and got featured on 'Cupcake Wars.'"
Sprinkled with Annoyance
"A teacher threw a donut at an annoying student."
"What a waste of a perfectly good donut!"
"Because of me, I think. Once in primary school, I was messing around with a classmate, and she threw a sponge at me, making me chase her around the classroom."
"The teacher tried to stop me and grabbed me by the neck, making me fall on my back. It didn’t hurt, but I was surprised."
"I don’t remember how, but the principal and my parents got involved, and we never saw the teacher again after that. He was sort of a substitute teacher, and from what I can remember, he was pretty well-liked even by me."
Incredible Road Rage
"He cut off my grandpa in an explosive road rage incident, pulled him out of his truck, and beat him to the ground so bad that my grandpa was in the hospital for weeks."
"Thankfully, my grandpa was okay, but his job (and his marriage, and social life) didn’t survive."
High School Drama
"At my school, the new French teacher started screwing the old computer teacher, who was married to the geometry teacher."
"At the end of it, just the geometry teacher had her job and all the other two teachers' money because she divorced the computer teacher and managed to sue the French teacher as part of an alienation of affection suit."
"Then she hooked up with the metal shop teacher."
Three Strikes, You're Out
"The teacher called up a female student to work a problem on the blackboard. The student didn't want to participate. After some verbal back and forth, the student went to the blackboard and muttered something under her breath."
"The teacher grabbed the student's hair with both hands and proceeded to slam her head into the blackboard. 'You (slam) will listen (slam) to me (slam)!'"
"About three seconds later, the teacher realized what she was doing and released the student's hair. The student looked at her, said, 'You are sooooo fired,' and left the room."
"We had a new math teacher the next day."
The Dispassionate Teacher
"My memory of this is kinda hazy since this happened 10 and a half years ago."
"She was telling at us, I don't remember if anything specific triggered her episode but she said s**t like, 'I don't give a rat's a** what you think,' and 'I wish I could use the paddle.'"
"Although the one thing I'll always remember was before she sat down, she said, 'I'm going on Facebook, I don't care what the h**l you do.'"
"I guess she got fired the same day, because we had a sub after lunch, and we had a new short-term sub every few days before we got a long-term sub for the rest of the year."
That Would Do It
"He taught me physics for three years and became principal for two years."
"Then they realized he didn’t even have the teaching qualification."
It's obvious why these teachers were quickly removed from their roles as teachers and unable to ever teach again.
But the thought that these things ever happened in a classroom are deeply unsettling.
Working at a job where you get along with coworkers is ideal.
Strong teamwork can establish efficiency, and good rapport at the workplace can inspire friendships.
But not even the kindest person can vibe with everyone despite good intentions, and it could be due to toxic personalities.
Those types of coworkers can be ones who are unfriendly, manipulative, super arrogant, or completely lacking in self-awareness.
Curious to hear about the latter, Redditor Woodchipper_AF asked:
"Who is the most insufferable a**hole you’ve ever worked with?"
These individuals did not look forward to showing up, due to individuals who've made their lives miserable.
"At my old job, my boss would give me difficult projects from difficult clients. When I finished the project, she would go into the system and add her initials (whoever does the work has to initial after every step) and take off mine."
"Then she would go to her supervisor and be like, 'Look what I did! Hehe!' And she would get all the credit. When I finally figured out she was doing that, I wouldn't let her know when I was done, and I would personally submit my work to her supervisor."
"His mind was blown that I just 'magically picked up the work so effortlessly,' and I got promoted lol."
New VP In Town
"Matt, the new VP of operations decided that everything about our company needed to change, including undermining my role, essentially taking over my team, and started implementing these incredibly micro managing processes that nearly halved our productivity, then blamed it all on me. He then proceeded to place our junior as the team lead and left me on my own island. It really felt like he was trying to get me to leave and well, he got what he wanted. F'k you, Matt."
Her Way Or The Highway
"Sierra. Sierra knew the answer to every single question, had better ideas than you, had done more than you had done, tried everything that you thought of, seen more a problems than you had, and just all around was an insufferable know-it-all. Everything had to be done exactly the way she wanted it to be done even if it didn't need to be done that way, it still had to be done that way because that's the way she wanted it. She micromanaged everyone around. I was so happy when she moved to a different job."
"Sounds like my insufferable coworker. Except mine is also a f'king hypocrite who’ll rat you out for bending a rule that is flexible while constantly breaking rules she’s not supposed to because she’s been working this entry level job for 30 years."
"I look forward to the day she gets fired but unfortunately this is a union job."
Sometimes, things backfire.
"I had a coworker who would sh*t all over my ideas in meetings and then offer up the same solutions I'd just offered like 5 minutes later. Everyone watched her do it and I don't know if she thought she was getting away with something or had some kind of mental block where she didn't even realize she was doing it. After a year or so we had this guy Dave get hired and the first meeting she did that he blurted out, 'wait a minute, 5 minutes ago Joe suggested that and you sh*t all over it.' And she was kind of like, 'Oh,' and like mumbled something while everyone stifled a giggle."
"Lady tried to get me fired and was totally harassing me - it backfired and she was escorted out by HR. I’ve been with my company for almost ten years now. See you never✌️"
"Yeah I just went through 2+ years of hell because of a total abusive gaslighting coworker a-hole. She would say abusive stuff to me when no one else was around and then completely deny it with management. She would create weird situations to make me look bad or crazy and would like daily attempt to turn coworkers against me. She would straight up mock me in front of coworkers and customers. Also, many incidents of her mocking me for being a guy and being 'too sensitive.' Sh*t like 'You are too sensitive. You should be able to handle what I say.'"
"She even knew I was sober (25+ years) and on a couple of occasions managed to make me feel like sh*t as if I was some total scumbag. It was unbelievably frustrating and I had no idea how to handle all this. I managed to kick alcohol and drugs a long time ago and survive a very rough childhood but had no tools to handle something like this. It was like the twilight zone. She successfully convinced management I was the problem and that I was making the whole thing up for a long long time. I felt completely defeated and hopeless."
"Massive stress for something like 2 years. I finally broke and told management do something or I will sue. They first hired a mediator who took us through the mediation process. I was not told what the mediator thought of the situation but I definitely get a sense the mediator told management yes you have a problem here."
"Then the company called in lawyers who investigated my claims. Took about 6 months but it turns out several of her own employees (we were both foreman) backed me up and from what I know the lawyers told my company they were in serious legal jeopardy. Every one of the women I work with said I am kind and never have I ever been mean, snapped or been rude to them."
"Several of them said they love working with me and some actually witnessed some incidents. I was kept in the dark as to the whole timeline of the investigation but one recent Friday management walked in and told her to gather her things and they escorted her out of the building. I literally had to step out and weep. Not just because it was finally over but why did any of this have to happen? I still don’t really know why I was her target and I don’t think I ever will. My stress levels are 1000 times better but yeah I think I need therapy. Still processing it all."
These are the kind of work colleagues you don't go out for drinks with afterward.
The Thing About Dave
"Dave is a guy who thinks he’s much smarter than he is. He’s been with the same company for 20 years and has worked his way up the ladder at a small company, where he now leads Operations."
"He’s a control freak and micromanager and this job is pretty much all he has in life. He will do anything and everything to block progress and innovation and will ruthlessly stab anyone in the back who gets in his way."
"Sometimes I have pity on Dave because this job is as good as it’s ever gonna get for him. I’m gonna leave this job soon and move on to better things, but Dave’s gonna be doing Dave things until a heart attack or kidney failure takes him out eventually."
Can't Be Pleased
"Guy that I worked with on a cabinet door assembly line. One night we got done about 30min early and this guy throws a fit. How is he going to pay his bills if they send us home early ect ect. Two nights later we had to work about 45min late. This guy starts throwing a even bigger fit. No one helps us, whining we have to work overtime ect ect lol."
"Got a dude i work with who always claims he will quit when it comes to OT. Thing is, its never mandatory unless dire. We usually always have volunteers to fill in. Its been like seven years. Quitter still works there, claiming he's gonna quit."
I've been fortunate enough to have worked with amazing groups of people throughout my performing career.
But my first job experience as a 16-year-old was not a positive one. I worked in retail selling video games at the mall where I grew up.
My trainer who worked shifts with me behind the counter was the boss's girlfriend. She was condescending and would often abandon her job duties when things at the store was slow and go shopping around the nearby shops and department stores.
Of course, whenever she was gone, I dealt with mayhem. I had to figure out how to deal with exchanges, giving refunds, which I had yet to learn.
I also had to call security on a kid who wandered in unattended and swiped an item from behind the counter, then later dealt with his irate mother who had to leave her job to pick up her kid from the mall and yelled at me for accusing him of stealing.
After two weeks, I quit.
There are some dates that are so disastrous, they’re unforgettable. When it comes to the dating game, these Redditors struck out big time—but at least they were left with great stories to tell.
A Crash Course In Romancea woman sitting in a car with a steering wheelPhoto by Jan Baborák on Unsplash
We met online and agreed to meet at a diner we both knew. I got there first. But the night took a horrifying turn the moment she arrived. Just after pulling in, she hit the gas instead of the brake, drove into the curb, then hit a light pole which fell over and landed on a parked van.
No one got hurt but she was pretty embarrassed. Never heard back from her.
I matched with this guy on Tinder and he offered to take me out to dinner. I thought that sounded nice, so later that night he picked me up. We were driving and he asked me where I wanted to go. I told him I was fine with anything. BIG MISTAKE.
He said, "Okay then," and pulled into Subway. He then told me that he wasn't hungry, but that I should eat! So he stood outside of the Subway and watched while I went in and got myself food. At this point, I was already mentally done but I wanted to see how much worse it would get. Spoiler alert: it got so much worse.
So I'm sitting in the car with the stupid freaking sub on my lap, and he decided that it was a great idea to drive around, specifically through a dark, isolated ravine that was nearby. He drove for about 10 minutes into the ravine, parked the car next to an abandoned tennis court and said, "Okay, you can eat now”.
I was just thinking, "I really don't want to die here," so I choked down the soggy sub while he stared at me. The second I was done, he pulled the car out and drove me back home. I was so grateful to make it home in one piece that it took me several days to process how screwed up the entire date was.
But here’s the cherry on top: at 2 am that night, he came back to my house uninvited, carrying a bag full of stale donuts, and asked me if I wanted to sleep with him.
No Means No
After a first date of dinner and a movie, he asked if I’d like to “have some fun” and took off his pants. I said “No”. He apologized for overstepping himself and I told him, “Hey, I totally understand and it’s okay!”
Now here’s the confusing part...he took my word “okay” as consent for “I totally want to do it now”. So he immediately took off his pants again. It was so awkward when I explained it was still a no.
Just Can’t Catch A Breakman and woman talking in front of gray tabletop inside shopPhoto by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
Back in college, I met this girl and asked her if I could take her out to dinner. She said yes. I was ecstatic. Well, then I had to figure out where to take her to give her an idea of who I am and what I'm about. So I tried to do something that was thoughtful.
I've learned that there are two types of gifts: expensive and thoughtful. If you can't do expensive, which I couldn't, then you'd better go hard on the thoughtful. This was taking place in the southern US, but she was a freshman from Pennsylvania. I started thinking about things that be new and interesting to her. The answer came to me in a flash: Bojangles!
I would take her to Bojangles. It's cheap, it used to have fairly decent food, but most of all it's southern, and we'd be able to discuss regional differences in food and culture. Of course, it's also fast food. Really crappy fast food.
The evening of the date arrived. I drove her to the place and talked all about fried chicken and the South and tea and how it must be different from the North. We got there and ordered at the register, then moved down to pick up our tray of food. We waited. And waited.
I tried to make some small talk. You know, the small talk you make when something could interrupt your conversation at any moment...Then we waited some more. Finally, my dinner (fried chicken) was on the tray. The drinks were on the tray. Her sandwich was not.
So we stood there and stood there with the silence growing more and more awkward. Minutes rolled by that felt like ages. Finally, an employee noticed us standing there and said, "Did you need something?" I said yes, that we needed her sandwich.
The employee turned around and grabbed the sandwich from the place it had been sitting THE WHOLE TIME WE'D BEEN STANDING THERE and put it on the tray. It had been there since the beginning. Not a great start.
I picked up the tray and started walking back to a table with her. But there was an issue. Bojangles used to have the best sweet tea, so I always got a large. The cups they use for the larges are the kind that are smaller at the bottom, so they'll fit in your cup holder in your car.
That's great for a car, but NOT so great for balancing them on a tray. It fell over. Fortunately, it fell over onto the tray, but not before knocking her drink off of the tray onto the floor. She had gotten the smaller drink, which came in the waxed paper cup instead of the plastic cup that the larges are in.
That's important, because it means that when her cup hit the ground at about a 30-degree angle, the cup crushed and LAUNCHED the liquid inside out like a cannon. Onto her foot. Drenching her in Pepsi or Coke or some soft drink.
Being gentlemanly, I went and got her a new drink. I got back to the table and started trying to eat. I had ordered fried chicken, which I realized would mean that I had to eat with my fingers, which was stupid on a first date.
Not wanting to look dumb(er), I decided I'd try to avoid eating with my fingers by using the plastic cutlery provided by the store. This would have been a fine idea if not for the fact that Bojangles only provides you with a spork. Not a fork, not a spoon, not a knife. A plastic spork.
I'm trying to pry the chicken off the bone with this plastic spork and it's going nowhere. I can't get the chicken off the bone. I dug in a little deeper and really pulled, which bent the spork back a little, which served as a spring to launch my chicken across the table. I actually caught it before it could hit the floor.
I remember thinking to myself, "Well, just enjoy this chicken because this date is going NOWHERE”. I decided to just forget it and eat the dang chicken with my fingers. She was obviously not going to be going out with me anymore, so I decided not to worry about impressing her, just try to get out of the situation without looking any dumber than I already did.
I reached down and pulled off a nice piece of chicken with my fingers….and I missed my mouth. Seriously. I jammed the chicken onto my face. I don't know how I missed it, but I did. I just missed. Which of course smeared chicken grease all over my cheek. Oh, but it doesn't end there.
The girl was looking at me like she was waiting for me to tell her, "It's just a prank, bro!" I felt so dumb. We finished eating in silence. Finally, I said, "Well, let me take you back to your dorm”. I gathered up all the trash on the tray, walked over to the garbage can, and accidentally threw the whole thing into the trash. All of it, cups, the spork, napkins, THE TRAY. All of it.
I looked at the girl, she looked at me, and we both ran to the car. I've had some other bad dating experiences, but this one took the cake. I also remember being shocked when the car started when we were leaving. After the night I'd had, I was fully expecting to have to walk several miles back to campus in the dark.
A Brutally Honest Red Flag
Working in bars and restaurants, I've been able to witness some absolute doozies. And boy does this one take the cake.
So, it's a fairly quiet night and it's pretty early, and I have a reservation for 6 pm for two people. A young guy shows up for that reservation about 10 minutes early. He tells me he's very nervous, as he's on a first date, and hasn't been on many of them, all that kind of jazz. It was kinda sweet, really.
Anyways, I seat him, and the girl arrives, like, 30 minutes late. She then proceeds to get extremely inebriated. About halfway through the meal, though, she answers her phone, takes the call, and starts talking about her date in front of her date, saying stuff like, "He's not really my type, I don't exactly like him but I figured I had nothing else planned tonight so why not".
The young man looks super discouraged, pays his bill, and leaves. Luckily, he didn’t let that date discourage him. He's a nice lad, I've seen him a few times at the bar I work at now.
My worst date was my first-ever online date. We had been chatting on a dating website and agreed to meet at a cafe. I showed up about 15 minutes early. She calls me and says she is going to be a little late. I say “no big deal”. 25 minutes later, she calls me again and says she is going to be late as she locked herself out of her apartment.
I wait and wait. At this point, it's an hour after the agreed-upon time. I see a woman who matched her picture enter the cafe. Before I can go up to meet her, my phone rings. I picked it up, and she proceeds to shout at me, "Where the heck are you? Is this some sort of prank?" I tell her that I am at a table in the back of the cafe.
My first online date was informative, as I learned why some women only post pictures of their faces. She was extremely overweight. Furthermore, she was only in sweatpants and a sweatshirt. But all this is minor compared to what happens next.
After making some small talk, I ask her how her day was going. She asks if I really want to know. I mistakenly say yes. She launches into a rant about how she got fired from her last job because people were plotting against her, and a new job she signed up for was just a scam that stole her credit card information.
She also just got out of an abusive relationship, and her 25-year-old sister was abandoning the family to move to New York City. And on top of all that, she was just kicked out of school because people said she was plotting to kill someone, but she swears she wasn't. "People are always plotting to get me, it seems".
I was too frozen to leave at that moment and stayed for about another hour trying to make the most awkward small talk ever.
Are You Afraid Of The Dark?woman in white crew neck t-shirt sitting on black couchPhoto by LexScope on Unsplash
Before I got engaged, I was casually dating. I started chatting with this guy from high school—he was good looking and I figured I’d give it a shot with him. We were supposed to go out on a date, but I didn’t feel like getting all dressed up so I suggested he come over to my place and we could Netflix/chill.
He comes over and everything is cool until we sit in the living room to watch Netflix. I sit on my couch, and he does too. I had a corner lamp on in the room. He said, “We should turn off all the lights”. I’m like eh, the corner light is fine! I personally didn’t want to be in the pitch-black dark.
But then he gets up, creeps over to the corner light, stands with his back completely against my wall, and begins to flicker the light slowly on and off…Next to the corner is the doorway into the kitchen. He is literally not saying a word, just flickering the light off and on.
So I say, “You’re creeping me out, lol, please sit”. And he says, in between flickers, “Why...are....you... afraid... of... the... dark”. He then shuffles behind the doorway so I can only see HALF of his face and body. He has his arm reach around the doorway so he can still control the light.
He then begins giggling like a little kid and continues to flick the light on and off. Needless to say, no more dates after that.
Dine And Dash
We were both broke, so we went walking around this cute, teeny tiny country town near us, and then got McDonald's to eat in the car so we could chat some more. He almost immediately starts pressuring me to go sleep with him because he bought me a cheeseburger, so I owe him, he says.
He starts getting pushy, and I say, okay, but let's go purchase some protection from this gas station that's on the other side of town. I drove for this date, so I take us to the gas station and tell him to go get the stuff while I wait. I knew exactly what I had to do.
I wait for him to get in the door and go a bit farther into the store before I drive off, leaving him stranded in this tiny gas station in the days before cell phones got popular, in a tiny country town with no bus service, no ride shares, and everything shuts down by 6 pm.
I know from mutual friends he made it home, but they already knew why he'd been ditched at the gas station, so no one cared about his whining about it.
Met a guy at a professional night out. He seemed interesting. He invited me out for Chinese food and a movie, but insisted I come by his house first to meet his four dogs, because not liking his dogs would be a deal-breaker. Cool, I love dogs.
I follow directions to his house, which is a mobile home with a small, fenced yard. So the dogs must be little, I think. NOPE. There were four large, mannerless dogs living inside this mobile home and the smell is completely encompassing.
Turns out "dinner and a movie" meant watching one of the thousands of VHS tapes and DVDs he owned while he tried to get the clothes off me, while four big dogs bounced around. I declined his kind offer of an incredible time in the bedroom and got out of there.
My clothes went directly into the washer and my car smelled like dog for days.
Showing Off His Creepy Sidewoman in maroon long-sleeved shirt holding fork over friesPhoto by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash
I once browned out at a club and remember briefly meeting a guy in a suit. The next day, I woke up to a text from Willis, the guy in the suit. Turns out we both didn't really remember each other. Over text, he seemed nice enough and we both thought it'd be a funny experience if we went on a date.
We met up for lunch and upon meeting him, I didn't really have much hope for a second date. He was kind of awkward and tried a little too hard to stunt. But whatever, he seemed like a nice guy. We sat down for pizza and started getting to know each other.
I told him I was studying public policy and was delighted when he asked what kind of policy I wanted to focus on (most people don't really care). I went on a whole rant about how much I wanted to make education policy better because I thought education had the potential to dramatically change lives, especially for those not born into much.
After I finished my rant, he says, "That's cool but I don't really believe in education for low-income people because when I grow up, I want maids and butlers and, like, someone has to do that”. I responded, "Some people have that viewpoint," and started to look for ways to end the date. But the worst was yet to come.
After we finished eating, I made up an excuse to leave an hour earlier than planned. He asked if I really had to go and said, "I should just kill you and keep you with me”. Smooth. I told him he probably shouldn't joke about that. He responded, "I would bury your body right there haha”.
The Secret Ingredient
I went on a blind date with a lady who wouldn't stop picking at her scabs. She just made a pile out of them on the restaurant table. I excused myself to use the washroom and when I came back my soup was there, but the pile of scabs wasn't. No, I didn't eat the soup.
What’s My Name?
I went out with a guy from work who I didn't know much about. He turned out to be awful in many ways and was intoxicated when I showed up. The lowlight of the night was when he started heckling the small cover band that was playing in the bar.
The guy on the mic said, "I'll give you 10 dollars out of my own pocket if you can tell me this girl's name" and—you guessed it—he literally blanked on my name in front of a room full of people. But here’s the kicker: The next day he texted me saying, "You can try again,” as if I was the one who blew it.
The Babysitterboy in black crew neck t-shirt sitting on white bedPhoto by Matthew Osborn on Unsplash
I'd been talking to this guy, and we finally decided to go on a date. He said he'd take me out for dinner and drinks. He offered to pick me up after work, so I said okay. He sent me a text saying "WE'RE" on the way. I immediately asked, “Who is we??”
Well, he's a single father, and his sister was supposed to be watching his four-year-old son, but something came up. Uh...Okay, I still went along with it. So he said he wanted to go home to shower first since he was in his work clothes.
We got to his house and he showered and fell asleep for like four hours while I hung out with his child who smacked me in the face TWICE. Luckily, after I told him not to do that anymore, we ended up getting along and having fun.
Turns out, he's a sweet kid. The guy finally woke up and we ordered pizza. I took an Uber home. I would have left before he woke up, but I didn't want to leave his kid alone.
Get My Good Side
I met someone online. I live in a mid-size city, and he lived in a small town about 40 minutes away. He asked if I would drive to him, which I wasn't wild about since there's not much to do in his little town and since we're both men and his town is very conservative, but I went with it.
He spent most of the date going on and on about conspiracy theories he believes in (all major politicians and celebrities are Illuminati satanists run by the Catholic church, etc). But the most unsettling part? He literally faced 45 degrees away from me the entire time, making sure I could only ever see him in profile.
Like, he sat sideways in his chair at dinner and always turned to the side while he was standing. At one point I stepped around into his field of view so we could look at each other, and he just immediately turned another 45 degrees.
Let’s Never Speak Of This Again
I'm cringing even thinking about this date and it happened about 12 years ago...So we went for food and a few drinks, it was going great, and we were getting on really well. We started walking back to the train station and I felt my stomach cramp. I must have eaten something that didn't agree with me.
I try not to panic and tell myself I'll go to the toilet on the station platform. We get to the platform and the toilets are out of order, the cramps and spasms are getting quite bad now and I'm starting to sweat a little. I'm trying to keep up the conversation with my date but all I can think is that I need to not poop myself in front of them.
The train arrives and we both get on, I can't bring myself to go in the tiny train toilet when I know it's going to be baaaad, so I make excuses to my date and say that I have to head home instead. My stop was only a few in, so I quickly say goodbye and exit the train.
The cramps, sweats, and pain are horrendous by this point, so as I exit the train I pick up my speed and do a jog/shuffle across the platform. I trip over my own feet and land on the platform concrete. The impact of hitting the deck belly-flop style meant that everything I'd been holding in came out.
I mortifyingly looked up to see my date staring out of the train window, looking at me as the train passed. We never called each other, we both knew what went down at that station.
It All Came Crashing Downwoman rock climbing inside buildingPhoto by yns plt on Unsplash
This happened to a close friend. Her date brought her to the local rock-climbing gym which he frequents. She said she'd climbed before and seemed pretty fit.
She fell and broke her arm within a half hour of being there.
I met this guy at a coffee place. He was nice and we met for coffee once more and then met for dinner at a bar. We were sitting at the bar, and I had turned to get the bartender’s attention. He leaned over—and did the unthinkable. He straight up licked my face, from chin to temple. I was visibly shook.
So he tried to playfully poke me to tone my "what the heck" face down and I asked him to stop. He then leaned in and whispered, "I'll just poke your sleeping body later"…I made him leave. I walked him to his car and had a bouncer stand by the door and wait for/watch me.
I received several messages a few days later. He was concerned he hadn't heard from me and was going to "stop by my parents later to see if I was ok”. I never took him to or spoke to him about my parents’ house/address. I told him I would call the authorities if I ever heard from him or saw him again.
Thankfully, I never heard from him again.
Signs From Above
We went for a walk, got a bit frisky rolling down a grassy hill, and just went at it right there behind a Mormon Church. First, a Mormon spotted us and told us we can’t do that there and just creepily watched us get dressed.
So we went elsewhere, at which point we both complained about not finishing. And the next spot we chose ended with about 30 mosquito bites on my behind, two on my junk, and she rolled over onto dog poop and cried that it was only on her.
"Go get a room," God said.
Money Matterswhite ceramic table and chairs with glasswarePhoto by Matthieu Huang on Unsplash
He took me to an Italian restaurant. After we ordered he got a phone call. He makes a small chitchat with the person on the other line. Then he says, “Mom, I know, I ordered the cheapest thing on the menu. Mom! I'm here with my girlfriend. I'll tell you how much the bill was afterward”. Two things wrong with that.
One, it was a first date, and I was NOT his girlfriend. Secondly, he lived with his mom (fine…I can deal with that) and his mom micromanaged all of his money—to the point of calling during dinner to see what kind of money he was spending. It was super creepy and really weird.
I saw him one more time to confirm he was a strange ranger and broke it off.
Running Him Ragged
I was the cause of a bad first date. I grossly underestimated how long it would take him (I’m a woman) to hike seven miles. I had to call a friend to get the ranger hotline to let them know we would still be on the trail after 9 pm when the gates closed.
By the last three miles, he was giving pep talks to his legs and threatening to eat the frogs that were hopping on the trail. I had to use my phone to light his way because it was super dark and he didn’t have his. Sorry, dude. You were a really nice guy. I didn’t mean to walk you to the point of collapse.
I met a girl online and we started talking. Everything was grand. She and I texted often and seemed to be hitting it off well. So we meet and start having dinner. Everything is good except she just seems a bit off.
We order a pitcher of margaritas. We each have one and mid-sentence she just stops talking and stares at her hands. Just...looking at them. I ask if she's ok and she says, “Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just really tipsy”. I say “Really? We've only had one drink”.
She says then, “Oh, I've been drinking all day”. Now, I stop and think about past conversations. She texted me a lot saying, "Hey I'm a little tipsy walking home, keep me company”. I start thinking this might be a trend with her. She then proceeds to faceplant into the table. I think she's joking because it was so exaggerated.
I laugh and realize she isn't moving. I tap her and wake her and I call for the check, which was a looooot more than I'd figured. She then asks if I could walk her home. I said I would as she was in pretty rough shape. We start walking more and more and then I ask how much farther. She says another mile.
So we walk some more and finally get to her place. She offers me some water and then asks if I want to stay. I politely declined and she angrily kicked me out. So, that was that. I had to use a GPS to find my way back to my car.
Drama Kingman wiping his tearsPhoto by Tom Pumford on Unsplash
This is technically a breakup, but it happened on a date. I tried to break up with him in private in the car. He said he needed a pause on the conversation, took us into a restaurant, then proceeded to burst into tears in front of everyone.
The best bit is that a few weeks later, he came into my work pretending that we hadn’t broken up and I had to break up with him again...while he cried...in front of his sister who was my co-worker...
Telling Tall Tales
I got the friend call bail-out one time. The girl had to go to the bathroom right in the middle of the date so I knew it was coming. She kept talking once she got back for a few minutes. Her story was rather impressive, though.
She didn't stick me with the “my friend needs help” act. She told me that a bus crashed, and she had to get back to the hospital because there were multiple deceased kids. That was interesting.
My first date was my worst date. After an excruciatingly long car ride listening to him discuss his love of clubs and bottle service, we get to the restaurant he refers to as "enough of a hole-in-the-wall for a girl like me”. After ordering he says he needs to check his bank account, followed by him telling me to cover dinner (I'm fine with paying, just maybe ask politely).
Then he, and only him, spoke for the rest of the dinner, explaining how the earth is flat and he is going to be a senator on Mars in 10 years, so any woman who seriously dates him will need to be supportive. Afterward, since he drove, he dragged me to a club.
Upon him uttering, "This is going so well!" I explained to him that it, in fact, was not, given that I had yet to even have the chance to speak. He then asked him to list examples. After saying this was the worst date I ever experienced, he sat down next to me and asked, "So we can be friends who possibly become more?"
I promptly called an Uber. He texted me asking me on a date every day for a week straight until I finally blocked the number.
Shortchanged By The UniversePeople Share The First Date Fails That Were Total Deal BreakersPhoto by Chewy on Unsplash
I arrived early at the coffee shop because I was nervous. When I parked, I realized I forgot my wallet at home. Mind you, the coffee shop was 30 minutes from home, and we were supposed to meet in 10 minutes.
So I scrounged around in my car for loose change. Found $2 in quarters, nickels, and dimes. I hurried in and bought the cheapest coffee I could. She comes in, confused that I already got something, and orders her own—very gentlemanly of me not to offer to pay with the rest of the nickels and pennies in my car, right?
We sit outside, with the setting sun in my eyes, but I'm too proud to move so the sun is blinding me the entire hour we are there. Honestly, the conversation was pleasant, but at the end, I shifted my weight on this wooden chair I was sitting on…and heard a loud CRACK.
Sure enough, the chair was broken. I know I’m a large dude, but this just had to happen now? I wasn’t surprised when I didn't get a call back from that date.
Well, That One Backfired
I haven't had many dates but the worst—and funniest—was from Tinder. The plan was to start at my house as a double date then, and if it went well, we'd split up and go out.
It never got to the last part because he took a dump in my toilet, blocked it with toilet roll, got embarrassed when my friend went in, and left. Oh, and he forgot his jacket in the rush so got one of his friends to come and get it the next day.
I ask what he does, and he says, "I don't like to brag about my job, you know the fact that I save lives every day”. He was a doctor, and he said that with no sarcasm. Then he gets angry because he asked me out on a dating app five years before our date and I didn't respond to his message immediately.
I tell him it was an old account I never logged into he says, "Goes to show girls are so fickle…” And the icing on the cake? He admits he actually has strep throat and "I actually shouldn't be on a date right now”. Gross.
Third Time’s The Charmwoman in black long sleeve shirt sitting on red chairPhoto by Vladimir Fedotov on Unsplash
In my sophomore year of high school, I wanted to go see a movie with my date. At the first theater, they asked for ID for the first time ever. I wasn’t 18 and couldn't get tickets. At the second theater, the movie was canceled after the AC broke and the heater reached 95 degrees.
The third theater didn't have seats next to each other. She still wanted to watch it, so we sat in DIFFERENT ROWS. Unsurprisingly, there was no second date.
A String Of Bad Luck
There's honestly no way for me to say which date is worse. I've had many bad dates, but these really take the cake. I went on a date with someone that seemed normal until she revealed that she was convinced we were all part of the matrix.
Another person I dated was a biter. I had to go to work and see my family with scars and bruises on my neck because she bit and yanked. I thought I was gonna die. And one date abandoned me at a club because I was out of my introverted comfort zone.
I walked home, then ended up peeing my pants because I was wasted and didn't really care as I was going through a depressive episode. So, as you can see, my dating life has never been easy.
Is That My Ride?
I once was asked out by the mate of some friends. He asked for my number and called to ask me to dinner. He asks if I mind if he picks me up in his work vehicle. I have been in the corporate world for a while so I'm thinking it’s a company car, zero drama. Looking back on it, I realize I should have asked what he did for a living.
The night arrives, he turns up...in a garbage truck. But wait, it gets better. I decide “Ah well, he did ask and I said yes”, so we go out for dinner. I can only assume he was insanely nervous because he proceeds to get inebriated—to the point that he asks me if I can drive the garbage truck home.
Now, this thing has four gear sticks. I can only drive an automatic. So this numpty drove me home, in a garbage truck. Then asks if he can stay the night.
There was no second date...
Playing With Firewhite candles on black holderPhoto by Anne Nygård on Unsplash
My first date was definitely my worst date. The girl started lighting matches, would put them out with her fingers, then eat the burnt matchstick head.
Just Watch Me
My worst date was at boarding school, on a college campus. We were both straight-edge dweebs, so we went to a party at the student center together. He got bored in about 15 minutes, so we snuck off into the building together. I thought it was gonna be for some, like, making out and stuff? No.
He found a computer lab and made me watch him play League of Legends for two hours while he tried to explain the game to me. If you meet a hot guy and he's single there is probably a reason.
It Was Like Watching A Car Crash
Online, her profile picture was cute. We had about four or five normal conversations before we decided to go to the movies. Now, I hate taking dates to the movies because this minimizes conversations and getting to know somebody in person, but I was like, “She’s cute, what’s the worst that can happen”?
Now, let the record show she chose the time of the movie and what time I was picking her up, so it's not like she had no idea that she had to use the bathroom. The movie theater was about 15 mins from her house. As soon as she got in my car, she seemed intoxicated, threatened to kick-fight me if I tried anything funny. This all happened within the course of 10 minutes.
On the tenth minute she said "pull over," so I did. I couldn't believe what she did next. She got out of my car on a sort of busy highway street and proceeded to take a dump within eyeshot…it was one of those times where it's hard to look away. When my brain registered what was going on I leaned over, closed the passenger door, and drove away.
The Double Date Disasterbowling ball going to hit bowling pinsPhoto by Michelle McEwen on Unsplash
So for starters, this was my first date. First date ever. I had no frame of reference for this, but I had just turned 16 and the guy had been cute at school, so the bar was really low. He somehow managed to limbo himself under it.
I didn’t want to go on a date without another couple because I have no trust in people. He had a big friend group and I knew all of them, so he assured me this wouldn’t be a problem. When I got to his house, the person he’d asked to double with us was...his aunt, who he apparently lived with.
She was 21, I was 16, already great. Her date showed up and he was not aware it was a date. He thought they were just hanging out, not chaperoning her awkward little nephew and his new love interest. He was Polynesian. She made Hawaiian haystacks.
He’d never seen those before, but he walked into the house to the scent of badly burned rice because she couldn’t cook. He saved the rice, everything else was straight out of a can, it was great. They hadn’t planned anything, so they decided to throw blades with us in the backyard.
I did better than my date, he was upset, then his aunt nailed him in the behind with an airsoft BB and he was REALLY upset. To salvage things, his aunt suggested we go bowling. I was wearing ballet flats, so I had to wear his weird too-big 2010 teenage nerd socks, which I already had too many questions about that I didn’t want answered.
So we headed out to go bowling, but not before he tried to reclaim his teenage masculinity by squashing a spider on the wall... by kicking it, and kicking his leg right through the wall along with it. His leg got stuck. His aunt had to help him. I was not impressed.
Finally, we get to the bowling alley and walk in and we’re all really good…but then it gets really awkward because the manager is his aunt’s recent ex. So eventually the date ends, and he tries to kiss me in the back seat of his aunt’s car with both the aunt and her date watching. She cheered.
I’d like to say that I didn’t go on another date with him, but this wasn’t even the worst date I had in high school.
He stuck his fingers in my dessert, licked his fingers, and did it again!! I ordered a lemon meringue pie and offered for him to try some. He said “no” only to then proceed to say, “Actually, that looks good". Then he sticks his fingers in for a taste. Yuck!
A Night To Remember
Back in the day, I was on extended leave and was going through some rough times. So I went to Colombia to learn Spanish. I was out with some guys from the Spanish school and spotted this absolutely stunning woman. I knew I had to ask her out, even though my Spanish was still pretty basic.
So, I went ahead, asked her out, and to my surprise she said yes. One day later, the day of the date, I didn't feel so well but I decided to go ahead, I was so excited. So I went there, picked her up and we went to a nice restaurant. Afterward, we went for a walk on the beach—yep, sounds cheesy but it's true.
Right then, I started to feel really bad, becoming dizzy and all. That’s when it happened. I had to throw up—not normally, but with all the power my body could give. I don't remember lots about it, apparently, I fell unconscious and woke up at the hospital.
To my surprise, my date was sitting right next to me, in training clothes since I puked all over her. She was really worried and just said that we hadn’t had the chance to finish our date. This year, we're getting married.
He Got Gassedwhite bed sheetPhoto by Emma Dau on Unsplash
My worst date started as a total high school thing: a girl wants to set up a date at her place while her parents are gone for the weekend on vacation or something. So I agree to it, we're having a good time, everything's going well.
It’s starting to get late, we're in bed together, and she totally passes out. She’s out cold, snoring, it’s like 3 am and I'm still awake. Then, she starts moving around on the bed a little…and she lets this toot rip like I've never heard.
It started and it just kept going....and going. At first, I thought maybe it was her little old dog. It wasn't...then it hits me and oh my god, it’s so rank. I pull up my shirt to cover my nose like a mask and in my mind, I'm thinking what the heck did she eat?
To top it all off, she then made this little noise of relief when it was finally over. I couldn't take it. I slipped my pants and socks and shoes on real gently so as not to wake her. As quietly as possible I walked out, down the stairs, and right out the front door. Luckily, she lived in my neighborhood and it wasn't a long walk home.
Of course, the next day she asked me where the heck I went and why but I didn't have the heart to tell her, I figured it would be too embarrassing.
I’m taking a girl to the movies and she asks, "Can my best friend come too?" There goes my chances but trying to be nice, I say, “Of course you can!” She shows up with her friend, who is indeed a guy.
This is when I find out that it’s her one and only ex, but they remained best friends and nothing is happening between them. I think, “Well, this date is ruined, but let’s try to salvage it". I go to pay for our tickets (mine and hers), even when she offered to pay for hers.
After buying, she turns around and buys her ex’s ticket…We actually got along fine and they were nice people, but it was like a tug of war for the rest of the night fighting for her attention. Of course, I lose since they are best friends.
When I get home, the guy adds me on Facebook, and he proceeds to tell me don't bother trying to date her, she's a terrible girlfriend. I finally got her alone for one more movie, but it all just sort of fell apart. I actually really liked her, but clearly, I had no effect on her. Oh well, I guess.
Take note, future daters: movie dates are a bad idea.
Perhaps not my worst date, but definitely the weirdest. I was on a date with this girl who seemed great: good-looking, funny, shared similar interests. It was our first date, and we were sitting in some bar that she's a regular at, discussing ourselves when it starts getting to the basic first date questions.
"So, you said you work in an office but is that what you really want to do?" I asked, "Did you go to school for it?" "Actually…” She says, reaching into her bag, "I'm currently going to clown school”. I kid you not, this girl had pulled out a red freaking clown nose and put it on.
Now, if this was our third date, I would have been less shocked. However, we had been talking for a week and this was the first date—we were supposed to IMPRESS each other. But she was good-looking, and I wanted to hook up.
So I said, "Oh! That's so cool. I didn't know clown school was actually a thing”.
"Oh, no, it's competitive!"
"I had no idea. So, are you in clown university, clown college, clown technical school?"
And then she took my joke as an attack. For a clown, she had a terrible sense of humor.
Equality At Any Costperson holding sliced pizza with red saucePhoto by Klara Kulikova on Unsplash
I went on one date with a guy I wasn’t physically attracted to because he seemed nice. He spent the ENTIRE date bragging about how much money he made. We shared a pizza. I had one slice, he had six.
When the bill came, he said he’d appreciate it if we split it evenly “because that’s how things work these days”. He tried to make out with me when he dropped me off at home and my god, his breath... it was like he ate a dead raccoon.
A few years ago, I went on a coffee date with a nursing student who described in vivid detail how he and his ex-girlfriend milked an old lady into a toilet at a party. According to him, that was not even the first time or party where he had milked her, he just happened to do it with his girlfriend that time.
I was mortified and found an excuse to promptly leave. The funniest part was a few days later when he texted me asking to go on a second date—which I ignored—followed by another text the next day that said, "It was the milk story, wasn't it?"
An Awkward Introduction
I got stood up at a cafe. She called and told me an emergency had come up and she wasn't going to make it. I had only been waiting for three or four minutes and wasn’t too upset about it, so I called a friend to see what he was doing.
I ended up meeting him across town at the bar he was drinking at, which is also where he introduced me to my date, who he had just met playing pool there.
An Icy Encounterperson wearing white leather ice skatePhoto by Kelli McClintock on Unsplash
Back in college, I was invited to an ice rink with a girl I liked and some of her friends. I did not know how to ice skate and I did not pick it up very quickly, but I wanted to try and impress her somehow. Well, I hugged the wall the whole time and made a fool of myself.
The highlight was when I saw a flash of light as I fell in front of a group of people. Turns out I had fallen right at the moment someone took a picture, so my failure was immortalized forever. She took me back to my apartment and ended the relationship before it began. But there's a silver lining.
The woman who is now my wife was at that ice rink on that night. We didn't realize we were there at the same time until a year or two into our relationship and she exclaimed, "You were that guy who couldn't ice skate! Yeah, she didn't seem that into you”.
On our second date, he bragged to me: 1) how long he was able to stay on unemployment, 2) how he was always able to talk his mom into letting him come home after she kicked him out, 3) how he basically paid for the $3,000 implants of a dancer, even though he didn't get anything for it.
He also revealed that he got locked up for about four months for pulling a pistol on some teenagers, but he didn't intend to use it. This was a half-brag, not a full brag. It was so strange because he seemed like a nice guy on the first date.
On the second date, with all of that, I was just laughing inside and wondering how I was going to end the date. Turns out it wasn’t a problem because after dinner he had to go and hang with his buddies at the video store.
Laying All Her Cards On The Table
My worst date? She had Crohn’s disease. She takes her pee bag out in the middle of our dinner date and says I need to look at it so I understand what I’m getting myself into. The catheter tube knocked over her drink. It was awful. Poor girl.
Momma’s Boywoman in black tank top covering her face with her handsPhoto by Julia Taubitz on Unsplash
For our first date, he took me to dinner at his mother's…with his brother and the mother’s crazy housemate. After dinner, we watched Iron Chef with all of them while sitting on the floor because there weren’t enough chairs. During the show, his mother was talking to us about using vibrating toys when doing the housework to make it more enjoyable.
And here’s the best part: He didn't even live with his mother. Needless to say, it was our first and only date.
The Ole Switcheroo
My worst date started off as a date and ended up as an MLM pitch. On the plus side, I still have those Cutco scissors and they are decent.
The Stench Of Success
It was my third date with a girl, and we went to a Poison-Def Leppard concert. We weren't eating before the concert and I was starving, so I grabbed a chicken salad sandwich from a gas station before I picked her up.
Halfway through the show, I have to poop. Bad. I run to the can and every toilet is knee-deep in filth. We had VIP seats, so I figured I would wait and hit the VIP bar on the way out. I took a massive dump and made five guys scream about the stench, which made me giggle.
Well, we parked in front, pulled the car out, and sat and waited. All of a sudden, round two hits—and this time it is wet. I was getting stomach contractions every 2-3 minutes, I was death-clinching the steering wheel and sweating like a fat lady in Golden Corral.
I then had an epiphany that if I just tooted a little, I would feel better. Oh, how wrong I was. The soft serve ice cream machine in my shorts exploded and got everywhere. I ran into the woods, finished pooping, and wiped my butt with my wifebeater.
We have been married 12 years now and have three kids.
Didn’t See That One Comingcappuccino on coffee tablePhoto by Ben Moreland on Unsplash
I was 19 or so, sitting at a bus stop bench waiting for the bus to go to work. This stunning woman sits next to me. Not long after, she starts talking to me. We have a pretty good conversation and I build up the courage to ask if she'd like to meet up sometime at a nearby coffee shop.
She says YES! We agree on a day and time then the last thing she says to me before I get on my bus is "It's a date”. I go to the coffee shop at the agreed time and see she is already there. But that's not all. She also has a male friend sitting right next to her.
No big deal, I figure he must be there in case I'm a creep or something. I sit across from her and we order a drink. Then right away she says, "So, what do you think about Jesus,” and pulls out a pamphlet. I reply, "I thought this was a date," and she says something along the lines of "I didn't think you'd show up if it wasn't”.
I ended up leaving right away before she saw me tear up. That was definitely my worst date ever.
Just Pop A Squat
I was in France and having a lovely dinner at a sidewalk cafe with a young lady I met the day prior. But in the middle of our dinner, she did something utterly deranged. She excused herself to use the restroom, got up, walked about ten feet, squatted, and peed in the gutter. Yup, no second date after that.
A bride has a lot to do before her big day, from planning the dinners, to getting her dress, to deciding on the decorating details. This quest for the perfect wedding can sometimes be even more stressful than finding a lifelong partner—but that doesn’t mean these women had any excuse for going full Bridezilla in front of their staff.
1. Her Own Worst Enemy
I work as a wedding server. As soon as someone says “Bridezilla". I think of this one story where the manager of our hotel had to shut down the wedding halfway through. This was the Bridezilla of all the Bridezillas I've ever seen. There were a lot of little things leading up that were casual Bridezilla—until the wedding took a dark turn.
At one point, she accused the wedding server staff of taking her veil...then the manager found it in her room and also showed her the card swipes to her room proving only she had been in the room that day. About 20 minutes later, she was screaming at some poor front desk employee accusing her of taking her wedding boots.
The manager intervened again, and after a long talk the photographer told them he had a photo of the boots on the staircase of the church, and asked if she had worn them since...When she said no, she told our place it was our job to have picked them up and made sure she had them, even though the church was not related to our place at all.
THEN shortly after she started opening the wedding gifts frantically inside the ballroom and screaming at anyone and everyone, guests included, saying someone took her wedding certificate. After that, our manager gathered the wedding staff and told us to take off our uniform jackets, empty them in front of him, then to clock out and go home.
Which we all did. None of us took anything. We heard next day that the maid of honor had the certificate and after we left the wedding was shut down completely.
2. Mother Knows Best
I worked at David’s Bridal and I have to say that as far as Bridezillas, it was always the moms, grandmas, sisters, and friends that were terrible. Either they hated what the bride would pick out for them to wear or they would hate what she was picking out for herself to wear. At David’s Bridal, we have kind of strict appointment guidelines when it comes to time.
A lot of brides who would bring entourages wouldn’t find a dress because everyone would bombard her with their opinions and overwhelm them. The worst thing I’ve ever witnessed was when one bride who always struggled with her weight came in. She was overweight and had been working extremely hard on it over the last year.
It was a slower day and we all loved her story and wanted to make that day special so we all decided to help. She finally found a dress that she loved and she started crying along with most of us. Then she looked at her mom and asked for her opinion. Her mom’s response was brutal. She looked at her and said, “You look fat in it".
We all stood there in silence and the bride lost her happiness. She asked to be assisted in taking it off and they left. It was one of the saddest days that I had experienced there.
3. Maid Of Dishonorman and woman in wedding dress standing beside white floral curtainPhoto by Ben Wicks on Unsplash
Management here at a bridal shop. You have no idea the sense of entitlement that walks into my store. I would consider us the Wal-Mart of weddings: We cater to everyone from poorer people to rich nobodies who think they’re somebody. I’ve seen it all. “These dresses are cheap,” to “These dresses are too expensive". I’m a rational person and being part of management means I’m trusted to make important decisions and enforce policy.
All sales are final, depending of course, but you have to have one great excuse to get a penny out of me. The best (by best I mean craziest) excuse yet was a spouse who had her wedding coordinator go in to refund the items because she was in a psych ward. Why? Because she tried to hurt her sister…after the sister announced she was pregnant with the groom’s baby…at the bridal shower.
We refunded everyone but the sister, who was ironically the maid of honor.
4. Right In The Face
I was a bridesmaid for a family member’s wedding. We hired a super talented makeup artist to come in and make her look really good for her big day. This makeup artist, who was the quietest, shortest lady I’ve ever met in my whole life, starts doing her makeup. Once she finished it looked REALLY GOOD. I was just like “diddly dang, she’ll love this". BOY was I wrong.
The bridezilla looked in the mirror and went absolutely BONKERS. She screeched, “It looks awful! YOU KNOW WHAT I WANTED!” She was crying, and her eye makeup was streaming down her face. We all rushed to calm her down. This poor makeup artist looks like she’s about to pee. So the makeup artist fixes her up despite her outburst and does basically the same thing but adds a little more eyeliner.
Suddenly the bridezilla LOVES IT.
5. Frame It Up
While the photographer was waiting for the extended family to gather for formal photos, he photographed couples and families already present. The bride bristled that he wasn't taking photos of her and that these were not the photos the bride had requested. This was after the photographer had already finished photos of the bride and groom in several locations.
Because the bride was upset, she didn't ask the photographer to take photos of her and her special friends during the following reception. So, when she finally saw the photos a few weeks later, she regretted that she had taken out her (unwarranted) anger, and she was missing dozens of photos she would have wanted. Karma’s a witch.
6. Shut It All Downa white and black dressPhoto by Rosemary Williams on Unsplash
A local wedding shop that had been in operation for years in my area had to close down. This place was very well known and a lot of people I knew went there for wedding dresses, prom dresses, etc. In 2014, however, there were a few US cases of Ebola, if you remember. One of the ladies who came down with it was a nurse and caught it from a patient who had Ebola.
She, for some reason, got the OK to travel, then came to the area where I live and went to this particular bridal shop. When it was confirmed she had Ebola, the shop closed down for three weeks to be professionally cleaned and de-toxed. After the shop opened back up from the three-week shutdown, they were never able to recover.
Months later, they announced that they couldn't afford to stay open and were struggling. The stigma of the lady with Ebola being in the shop drove people away. Oh, and the lady with Ebola tried suing the bridal shop when they wouldn't refund her and her bridal party’s deposits when she canceled her orders. Just a total mess.
7. Money Can’t Buy Class
Strap in, folks. This is going to be a bumpy ride. I work in a relatively high-end country club in the American South. We had a doozy last season. It was not only the bride who was crazy, but the whole wedding party. The "Happy Couple" were not members of the club, but had convinced our coordinator to sign off on it.
However, this coordinator quit shortly after booking, and a new girl had to deal with the fallout. First off, they had been extremely rude to our new coordinator and managers through the whole planning process. They had a private coordinator as well, but she was pretty well useless. Ours didn't even know she existed until the rehearsal.
The bride had demanded all kinds of free stuff during the planning. Now, I have no problem doing a wine tasting to go with the food tasting. However, if you come back three times to try the same free samples, I'm not playing ball anymore. You're paying for it at that point. You and the five people with you. Fast forward to the rehearsal.
We have regular dinner service going on in our dining room for our (rather exclusive) members. Renting the ballroom for a day does not entitle you to take over the entire clubhouse. The bridal party are drinking, yelling, cursing, and being generally ugly all over the grounds. Nothing was right, according to the private coordinator who had never seen the space before this.
Everything had to be moved. "What do you mean your covered terrace can't accommodate 250 people for the ceremony without an extra tent?" "I was told the dance floor would be by THOSE windows, not these". "We absolutely cannot let anyone into the ballroom until after the ceremony, so I don't care that the terrace is only accessible through it, make them all walk around the building through the wet grass".
This whole time, the bridal party is getting louder and drinking more. The little old ladies trying to eat poached salmon in peace are obviously annoyed. Father of the bride has set up a provisional account to pay for the wedding, since we don't accept cash or cards, only accounts. The bridal party knows the account number, and we've been told to put everything on it by our managers, as long as the person ordering knows the number.
You can see where this is going. He didn't see it that night, but he argued every single drink when the bill came. Even the 18-year-old scotch that he alone was drinking. Okay, enough of the day before. On to the main event. Most of this day I was on the periphery, since I was working on the other end of the building. This is the end they weren't supposed to be on, except the bride and bridesmaids, since their dressing room was on that side.
I could still hear pretty much everything that was happening, and saw way more than I should have. As guests arrived, they were directed around the outside, as per the request. The mother of the bride freaks out because OF COURSE they didn't want HER side of the family to have to go that way. They need to be allowed to walk through the active dining room and around the other side where the golf course is.
At this point, the groom and groomsmen are getting positively sloshed in the men's locker room, which our members are still using as well. Bridesmaids have moved out of the ladies' locker room and are rampaging through the members' bar. And by that I mean that we caught them multiple times pouring drinks behind the bar while the bartenders were getting their bar ready in the ballroom.
They had the same move every time of, "Oh, gosh, how did this bottle get in my hand and why is it suddenly half empty? Haha, silly me!" The ceremony goes well enough, considering basically everyone standing up front could barely stand. You may be asking how we let it get to that point. Well, they had snuck in a lot of drinks. I mean, a lot...
Highlights of the reception: The bride is cursing. A lot. I don't think one sentence came out of her mouth without a variant of a swear word. During hors d'oeuvres, the maid of honor comes out of the locker room and informs me that it "needs attention". You know, the room where only they had been for the last three hours because they had scared off all the members already.
It shouldn't have been my job, but the attendant had gone home early due to an emergency, so I figured I would take a look. I was horrified at what I saw. I came right back out to get every manager I could find. I even cleared the coast so our chef could come look after he saw my reaction. It was, quite simply, disgusting.
The small wastebasket was overflowing because they had put a bunch of stuff on top of the nice big covered one and then forgot about it. Part of the overflow was a used tampon. There are separate baskets in the stalls for those. Dirty panties, about 10 empty champagne bottles, everything a normal person would put aside or throw away just sat wherever it had fallen.
I removed the trash (with gloves on) and didn't touch one thing that was personal. I should have thrown out a lot more. About 1.5 hours in, the bride asks the bartender what Black people drink, so she can get something to give to the band. When she is told we don't serve the band drinks due to liability, she flips out. More cursing.
How dare we not do exactly what she wants? Do we know how much she is paying for this? Not nearly as much as a lot of our members pay for theirs, I can tell you. Her new husband manages to somewhat calm her down eventually. By this point, all of the guests are so loud and obnoxious and not staying on their end of things that we call in extra security just to stand at all access points and wrangle them.
Remember all those "hidden” drinks? About two hours into the reception, the security guard nearest to the men's restroom hears an awful noise from inside. Goes to investigate and finds a broken urinal and an empty handle of Jack Daniels. Time for cake! This can't go wrong can it? Oh, it does go wrong. Wifey smears cake on the lower half of Hubby's face.
Haha! So cute! Hubby puts tiny dollop of icing on end of Wifey's nose. "OH MY GAWD!! HOW DARE YOU DO THAT?! YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING!!" (Paraphrased. It went on waaay longer than that). She proceeds to go literally running through the entire clubhouse and most of the surrounding grounds screaming at the top of her lungs.
As it was a nice night, many of our members were enjoying the patio off the dining room. One member in particular had been listening to the hubbub, and asked me the names of the couple. I had to laugh when I remembered that he's a prominent divorce lawyer. I, jokingly, asked if he wanted me to pass out his card. He, very seriously, said yes.
The party was shut down two hours early. Officers were informed of potential drivers (who shouldn't be driving) leaving the property. The bridal party were staying in rental houses on club grounds, so our security escorted them back. You'd think that would be the end. But, alas, no. I did not witness the next day's meeting, but I gather it involved a lot of apologies from the groom, and a lot more angry words for everyone from the bride.
Plus debates about the bar bill from dear old dad, because they could not possibly have had three kegs in that short of a time. He was right, sorry for the mistake, we should have charged for the fourth tapped keg. About a week later, we were informed of an investigation claiming that one of our staff had taken the bride's laptop.
For maybe two weeks, we were randomly called by the local authorities with updates on the case. Then she found it in the trunk of her car, where it had been the entire time, because they used a club-owned laptop to play their slideshow. Which she had tried to walk out with. I think that's the whole story. I probably blocked some stuff out. Except there’s one last twist.
We think the original coordinator did this to us on purpose. She didn't leave under the best terms, and confirming the booking was one of the last things she did. She must have known it would go like this.
8. Be Careful What You Wish For
Retired Master Seamstress checking in. This wasn’t a Bridezilla but a Momzilla. I was making her daughter a custom bias-cut gown and had limited fitting time because the bride lived one state over. Now, bias-cut gowns are the devil to begin with. We (mom and I) would work on details between fittings. I would say our working relationship got very frosty.
Each time the bride came for a fitting, she lost weight. Tape measures don't lie. And she was not a big girl to begin with. Mom would scream that her daughter did not lose any weight. After the third fitting, third fight, and the third rebuild of a very complicated gown, I finished it and told them to take the gown and do what they wanted with it.
It was gorgeous but hung loose. The girl lost over 3" over the course of 7-8 weeks. I lost hours of my life, and the $ for the work.
9. Music To My EarsFile:Frank Sinatra (1957 studio portrait photograph).jpg ...commons.wikimedia.org
I was at the wedding of an ex-boyfriend several years ago and he had planned and practiced singing a Frank Sinatra song to his new wife. He went up and took the mic and, with the band backing him up, began singing the song. His new wife suddenly stomped across the dance floor and up on the stage, grabbed the mic from him, and said, "I HATE that song and I don't want to hear it". They were divorced about a year later.
10. Every Rose Has Its Thorn
I’m a florist. We had this psycho bridezilla and her mother show up at 9 am. They wanted to order a bridal bouquet, a mother of the bride orchid corsage, a boutonniere for the groom, and six smaller ones for the groomsmen. But there was just one thing. The wedding was scheduled for noon. Yep, three hours from then, and they wanted them ready by the time they were done with their makeup appointment at the beauty parlor a few doors down.
The bride was flipping through the sample book and pointing out the style and flowers she wanted. Think garden roses with long sweeping trails of stephanotis and variegated ivy, all three of which would require at least a week's advanced order with our suppliers. She was absolutely gobsmacked that we didn't carry extremely expensive and highly perishable flowers at all times.
Same with the orchid for the mom's corsage. My boss told them that since they didn't place an order beforehand they would be limited to what we had in stock, and simple styles that could be assembled quickly. The bride and her mom kept pointing at the book and arguing that we should have those specific flowers in stock.
My boss eventually took the book off the desk and tossed it behind the counter. The bride vacillated between tears and petulant whining that we were going to ruin her big day. My boss, who had a bone-deep loathing for brides in general, told her she had ruined her own day by not ordering her flowers before her actual wedding day.
The mom tried chewing out my boss for her lack of customer service skills. My boss told her that she was welcome to go down the street to Vons and ask their flower department to make their order with whatever they had in stock. The mom said she'd do just that, and reassured the bride that she'd have her flowers done by the time her appointment was over.
Both women stormed out. I figured that was that, but I was so wrong. My boss told me and the other girl to start on six simple corsages. Meanwhile, she threw together a ribbon-wrapped bridal bouquet with some white roses that were nearly past their prime and some. Sure enough, 20 minutes later the mother slunk back in and meekly asked if we were still able to assemble what they needed.
We did. We also charged her a very large rush fee.
11. All For Naught
I worked for a wedding photographer. This one wedding had this wonderful couple, and they seemed made in heaven. Their wedding album WITHOUT pictures cost two thousand dollars. This thing was made from mirrored glass, and weighed a ton. It was my job to order a bunch of 8x10s that the bride wanted to use in the album. This was actually a nightmare.
This album had no protective sleeves, so every single picture had to be sprayed with a chemical coating and left to dry, in a dust-free area. If it did not dry with a smooth, dust-free finish, I had to remove the chemical coating and try again. I spent most of that week in a tiny closet-sized room, in full respirator mask and protective gloves, spraying those pictures.
But my God, I have to say, it was the best job I’ve ever done. When done, this couple spent over $5,000 on that one album. It was GORGEOUS!....and they divorced before the year was up.
12. Ring Her Upsilver and gold analog watchPhoto by Zetong Li on Unsplash
I used to be a "Bridal Consultant" at a retail store, which basically means I helped couples scan things onto their registry, although the training for it just meant I knew how to use the scanner and the computer, and my actual job had nothing to do with bridal shopping. This one couple came in to start a new registry, which quickly turned into only things the bride wanted.
Anything the groom wanted to put down on the registry was deemed as "childish, stupid, ugly, unpractical, never-going-to-be-used". I was cringing during the entire appointment. She also kept asking for my input or opinion on everything, and I felt so bad for this guy. His bride-to-be seemed so selfish and entitled, and I couldn't believe the fact that he was soon to be married to this woman.
The poor man just wanted a waffle maker, who doesn't want waffles?!
13. Not My First Rodeo
I used to work at a jewelry store. This young guy, about college age, came in one day to look at engagement rings. He was very polite and asking good questions. You could tell he’d been considering this for some time. As I’m helping him and showing him some rings in his budget, she walks in. She’s wearing a t-shirt from the high school senior class from the previous year, and she comes over by him.
“Oh my God, were you seriously considering that ring??? Ugh. It’s so ugly. Besides, it looks just like my LAST engagement ring". How I wish I could have told him to dump her, run for the hills, and don’t look back.
14. Don’t Judge A Cake By Its Cover
I’m a baker here. I wasn't present for the freakout, but it was my fault so...A few months back, I had a bride who wanted a navy to white ombre cake made with white sponge. Now, dark, rich colors like that in white cake SUCK. They always taste terrible because they have so much gel coloring in them to get them just the right color.
However, you can do it OK if they're willing to have the dark layers be chocolate. Navy is especially easy, thanks to blue velvet. I tell her this when we're planning. "But I want white cake!" She says. I tell her I'll do all but the last few in white sponge. She agrees, and I make the darn thing and drop it off. I come back to pick up the staging stuff the next day, and make an awful discovery.
I find my whole freaking cake sitting there. Apparently, when they cut into the thing and fed it to each other, she freaked out over it being chocolate, and refused to let any of the cake be served. Apparently, she forgot that she had agreed to have the bottom tier have two layers of blue velvet, so she threw a massive temper tantrum over “the cake being wrong".
Apparently, she kept talking about how I ruined her wedding, then locked herself in the bridal suite. If she wouldn't have been a little psychopath and let the staff cut the cake like they should have, she would've seen that 90% of the cake was white sponge like she wanted.
15. Sibling Rivalrybaby crawling on bedPhoto by Picsea on Unsplash
I worked at a high-end bridal shop in my early 20s. One day, I had a bride-to-be shopping for a gown. She had brought her mom, aunt, and sister (who had just become a new mom) with her to her appointment. The sister was obviously a little jealous that attention was no longer being lavished on her and her new baby, and instead the bride was the new the center of attention.
As I was fitting the bride in a $2,000 gown, the sister decided to change her newborn’s diaper in the dressing room and proceeded to hold the poop-filled diaper up to the gold-hued gown and exclaim, “Look, the colors almost match!” I excused myself from the room for fresh air and to regain my composure. In my experience, the brides were rarely the problem—the family was!
16. The Polish Princess
I worked at a mom and pop bridal shop. We had a bride who was Polish, leading my boss to call her “the Polish princess". She wasn't my bride, but they picked a very bad consultant for her. This was made worse by the fact that this girl wanted stuff added to her dress that wasn’t done by the manufacturer, so we had to do it all in-house.
To give you an example, she wanted lights all around the bottom half of a dress that we had already spliced with two different dresses. Side note: my boss loved anything that meant money. Anyway, we spent months fixing and refitting this dress because she not only lost 45 pounds from her first time being measured, she also got plastic surgery on her chest.
Well, after finally fitting her into her gown, on the last week she decided the lights that took our poor 70-year-old seamstress two months to sew in looked tacky. She was crying and throwing herself at her mother in a tantrum, screaming in Polish. She then ripped the bottom of the dress and ultimately had to buy a dress from David's Bridal because my boss finally got smart and kicked her out.
Just a mess. She made our seamstress cry!!!!! The witch.
17. It’s Not What It Looks Like
Not 30 minutes ago, I had someone accuse our deaf tailor of recording her on his phone as she tried on dresses and walked around in them...Uh, no. He was Facetiming his wife as he walked through the store. When she found out the truth, she was very embarrassed, but not enough to apologize to any of us for screaming through the store.
18. A Modern Romeo And Julietblack and yellow no smoking signPhoto by Noah Holm on Unsplash
I work at a hotel that does a huge amount of wedding business, and we had an engagement shower, with the plan being that the couple would be having the wedding with us as well. This involved the bride-to-be and, to an extent, her mother. We knew there were going to be issues because neither the bride or groom ever smiled.
The bride was always complaining about how the groom was "wishy-washy" with picking a date, while he was always silent. The mother of the bride was your stereotypical Brooklyn Jewish Mother and had her hand in EVERYTHING to make sure things were perfect for her little princess. Well, the engagement party starts, and everyone except for the couple seem to be having a great time.
Then, halfway through the party, we suddenly heard the girl scream at her fiancé "WE WILL NEVER HAVE A CHRISTMAS TREE IN MY HOUSE, SO YOU CAN GET OVER IT!!!!" And from there it devolved into a shouting match between the couple, who moved from the banquet room to the lobby so their "guests" couldn't hear the argument. (Didn't work. They heard everything).
Apparently, she was Jewish and he was Protestant and not once in their relationship had they discussed religion. They went at it on and off for two hours. She was screaming at the top of her lungs about how their (non-existent) children would be raised Jewish, and how his traditions didn't matter. Her mother was standing at her side, nodding in agreement, and interjecting occasionally with a "that's right" or "you tell him".
The groom was pleading for her to at least compromise to let him at least invite his pastor from his hometown for the wedding, and said that their (non-existent) children could possibly do things with his parents for Christmas, even if they didn't celebrate. The guests just kept partying, pretending nothing was happening, but you could see on all of their faces that they wanted to leave.
Only, well, they couldn't since they would have to pass by the couple to get to the only exit. Only after two hours and the argument eventually devolving into her INSISTING her children would never see a Christmas tree in their whole lives, the groom finally dejectedly said, "Well then maybe this isn't going to work".
She threw her ring at him and said, I swear to god, "THEN WHY DID YOU LET ME MAKE YOU PROPOSE?!?!?!?!?!?!" She then changed her mind, picked up the ring, and said, "Whatever. I'm keeping this". Then she stormed off. Her mother looked at her ex-potential-son-in-law, told him he was an idiot for letting her baby go, and went after her.
I've NEVER seen a banquet room clear out so fast. Within 15 minutes, everyone was gone and it was a ghost town. From the looks of it, everyone took their "gifts" with them, too. Worse still, it was the former bride's family who had hosted and were staying at the hotel, so we spent the next two days "commiserating" with them about how awful the groom was as they moved their daughter out of his apartment.
Dude dodged a bullet.
19. The Mask Comes Off
Not a wedding shop worker, but I was at the wedding when it happened. As the bride was walking up the aisle in her dress, she tripped over her gown. And instead of just getting up and moving on, she let loose an absolute huge tantrum and started screaming at everyone. And then it got worse. When her dad tried to console her, she just slugged her dad in the face.
Then she started just throwing stuff everywhere, screaming about this wreck of a day and screaming about hurting the tailor for making the dress too long. She just lost it and proceeded to rip up her own dress and run out of the church half-dressed into the rain. I mean, I know the stress is high but oh my god, she lost her freaking mind.
20. Too Much Of A Good Thing
Bridal consultant here! My most memorable appointment was a party that showed up completely sheets-to-the-wind. It wasn't unusual for bridal parties to have a little "tailgate" style party in our parking lot before coming into our store. Often they'd have mimosas or a shot or two to loosen up before the scary gown search.
This party, however, must have finished a full bottle between the five of them. They didn't appear too sloppy when we first got started, but about half an hour into the appointment it was pretty obvious that they were way too gone to be in the setting they were in. I had to prop the bride up with her nose in the corner of her fitting room to lace her corsets because she couldn't stand.
Each time we stepped out onto the stage, the bridesmaids would scream, Beatlemania style, until they were red in the face. Eventually, my manager came to me and said, very sternly, "Sell to this girl and get. them. out of here". The appointment ended when she fell for a gown $700 over budget, her most tipsy bridesmaid swiped her own credit card to cover it, and then one of them sprayed a brown bodily fluid of some kind over our ENTIRE toilet.
21. My Plate’s Fullperson holding clear wine glassPhoto by Davey Gravy on Unsplash
I’m a restaurant manager. The wedding dinner was on a Sunday, so instead of the usual one manager on, we had the banquet coordinator come on for a few hours to make sure everyone was happy. They were a rich couple and we wanted more of their business. Their menu was $119 a person and they had $80 bottles of red on the table.
So guests start to arrive and obviously start ordering drinks. At this point, the bride and mother see this and approach the head server. They tell her that everyone except the head table are to get separate bills, and that they are not planning on paying for anything but what's at the head table. Server finds us, tells us what's happening, and the banquet manager heads over to figure out what's going on.
It seems that the bride and her mother decided that their guests should have to pay, but they didn't want to be the bad guys so they expected us to have to tell the guests. We tell the people who have already arrived. Half of them laugh, thinking it's a joke. Once we told them it really was the truth, they laughed and left. My job became to stay at the front and tell all the people arriving for the dinner that they are going to be responsible for their whole bill, and what the costs were.
The final guest count was 20 people, and we ended up threatening court action against the family since they signed the banquet sheet stating that they agreed on 60 dinners. So the best part of this all was that they paid for the full 60 dinners, plus gratuity, and only had 20 people actually there, all because they wanted to save some money.
22. If The Shoe Fits
My experience with a Bridezilla happened at my great aunt's house. She has a private lake and a lovely setup for a small, country-style outdoor wedding. The mother of the groom was a close friend of hers, so my aunt was happy to open up her home for the event. I got the feeling leading up to the wedding that the groom's family didn't care much for the bride, and after witnessing her throwing a temper tantrum over the placement of the food table because it started to rain, I kind of started to see why.
Listening to the way she talked to everyone around her appalled me. She was a complete spoiled brat, and really was lucky that everyone didn't just leave the wedding completely...I wouldn't have blamed them a bit. However, the worst was the fact that she decided that she wanted her bridesmaids to walk barefoot...in the muddy, wet grass.
See, she had them buy new boots to wear specifically with their dresses. Anyone who has ever bought cowboy boots knows that they are upwards of $100, and she picked out pink ones to match their pink dresses. All five of the bridesmaids had to buy these boots on top of whatever they had to pay for the dress. But she decides 10 minutes before the wedding starts that she doesn't want them to wear them.
Of course, everyone complies with her and pacifies her and the wedding goes well. Although it got pretty tense during the "speak now or forever hold your peace" part. Not surprised to hear that the marriage didn't make it to six months. She was the most selfish person I've ever met, and I'm convinced that she didn't want to get married at all, she just wanted all the attention on her.
23. Daddy’s Little Girl
I worked as a banquet server at a ritzy, riverfront hotel. People come from all over to have expensive overpriced weddings. So needless to say, many of our brides were Bridezillas to some extreme. Our summer season is very expensive. Usually, our local brides only get married there in the off-season to save some of their cash.
One local bride that I will forever remember, however, went absolutely crazy. Before the wedding even started, one groomsman left because he couldn’t stand her demands. We were all in the ballroom setting up as we normally do. At this particular wedding, the bride had a wedding planner who set the centerpieces, which were a pretty general country theme.
The bride storms in, literally has a temper tantrum that they are not right because the candle was supposed to be on the left and not the right. We fix it no problem even though it was not us but her wedding planner who set them. Now, you’d think that would be all…but no. One of her bridesmaids lost her bouquet right before the ceremony.
Instead of troubleshooting, she completely berates and humiliates her bridesmaid. Then starts stomping her feet and saying, “Dadddddyyyyy” like a two-year-old. This was over and over again. To her, every little detail was wrong in some way, shape, or form. Needless to say, I was so glad I wasn’t responsible for the bride and groom’s table that day.
24. Picture Imperfectman in black suit holding black nikon dslr cameraPhoto by Natilyn Photography on Unsplash
As someone who has done a fair amount of wedding photography, one particular Bridezilla stands out for me. She abhorred the engagement photos and insisted that I must have used a warped lens or something that made her look fat. She readily admitted that her fiancé, who was standing right next to her in the photos, looked fine and normal, but there absolutely had to be lens distortion or something else that made her look significantly heavier than she really was.
That was awesome. I waived the fee for the engagement shoot and scheduled another at no cost to see if I could placate her. I recommended colors for her to wear that would “compliment her skin tone” and scheduled the second shoot for the golden hour where the light would be most complimentary, since she had insisted on the first shoot being at noon.
Two days after the second shoot, I delivered the photos and she was content enough to agree that I could be honored enough to be their wedding photographer. We (my assistant and I) get to the wedding location an hour early. We took literally hundreds of shots of pre-wedding preparations, all of the family shots that could be done with the family who actually showed up on time, and everything else that was agreed upon.
We shot the wedding as discussed. After the formal ceremony, we continued to shoot more casual shots, cake cutting, first dance, the reception, and everything else that was agreed upon. At that point, the dinner was being served. Again, as previously agreed upon, I wasn't going to shoot a bunch of people jamming food into their faces and it was time for a break anyway.
Her mother, who was actually the one paying me, invited myself and my assistant to discreetly grab a plate of food and sit at the back of the reception area and relax for a few minutes. The bridezilla came completely unglued at that point. She stood up and literally shrieked that “the photographer isn't here to eat, he's here to take photos and make me look good!"
The entire clubhouse went silent and all eyes turned to me. I set my fork down, glanced at the Bridezilla's mother, and then back at the entire ballroom and mumbled through an apology that wasn't warranted but somehow seemed necessary. Then I got my revenge. I proceeded to aim my camera directly at the fat witch while she chewed every last bite of her meal and jammed seemingly endless desserts into her maw.
Shortly thereafter, her mother and brand new regretful husband approached me and suggested that despite our contract to shoot through the duration of the reception, it might be better if I go ahead and call it a night. So I left. Very happily, I might add. The next day, as I was starting to do post-production edits on the photos, the psycho called me.
She screamed about how there was no way they were paying for the photos (that she hadn't even seen yet) and that she was going to call the local TV station to make sure I never got work again. "Ok," I said, "I understand you're upset. Please enjoy your honeymoon and we can discuss this later". And I guess I kind of hung up on her.
Half an hour later, her mother called me. She assured me that the bill would be paid in full and apologized profusely for how her daughter acted. I got paid in full. EVERYONE in the family was perfectly happy with the wedding photos except the Bridezilla. Her mother thanked me for my patience. Her husband thanked me for my tolerance.
And I thanked the powers-that-be that I'd never have to see or deal with the atrocious with again.
25. Dance Like Everyone’s Watching
I was the DJ for a wedding where the bride, who was from a very wealthy family, was not expected to live past childhood. Imagine, if you will, a girl who was raised having never heard the word "no". Her entire childhood was one big Make-a-Wish. She had a zest for life. She loved to dance, so much so that her parents were building her a giant lake house with a disco club; like a room just for dancing.
She was marrying a man several years her senior who she met at a dance class. He was just like a character out of a movie who charms older women and then takes their fortunes, except this was a much younger woman. The request list for the wedding reception was a lot of early 90s high-energy dance music. After dinner, and I've done this hundreds of times, dancing starts.
I decided to kick off dancing with the bride's favorite song, which was Technotronic’s “Pump up the Jam". Until this moment, I had nothing but pleasant interactions with this woman, who genuinely seemed to appreciate life for how precious it truly is. Before the beat could even drop, however, she was running over to me screaming, tearing into me for ruining her wedding.
It was a spectacle and the guests watched in horror as she berated me. Apparently, she wasn't ready to dance yet, and I was playing the song that she was most looking forward to dancing to on her wedding day. I was forced to stop the song cold and the only sound was her screaming as I fumbled to find some cocktail music to throw on until she was ready to dance.
At the end of the night, most brides come up and hug me and thank me for a wonderful night. I didn't get so much as an icy stare; it was as if I didn't even exist to her anymore. Her father came up and gave me a $400 gratuity. His words offered a simple apology, but you could tell they carried the weight of the monster he'd created.
26. A Match Made In Heaven
I use to be a photographer’s assistant back in high school. I remember this one bride before the wedding kept yelling at my boss about me helping with photos as she didn’t want some “stupid kid” to ruin her wedding photos. She also kept calling her soon-to-be husband, berating him. I ended up getting sent to do the groom’s photos while my boss handled the bridezilla.
As soon as I walked into the room where the groom and his friends were getting ready, I almost puked because it smelled like a distillery. The guy was on the phone with the bridezilla on speaker while drinking and shaking his head. I could barely walk through the room with all the bottles on the floor and suitcases everywhere. Yeah, I don’t think they’re gonna make it.
27. When It Rains, It Poursphoto of body of water and dropletsPhoto by Alex Dukhanov on Unsplash
Photographer here. The couple opted for an outdoor wedding with no weather backup option and, lo and behold, it started pouring literally five minutes before the ceremony. The guests and groom ran for cover under the reception tent. After it didn't let up, the groom made a mad dash to the door of the RV the bride was getting ready in, because she nor any of the bridesmaids were answering their phones.
She made the poor guy stand outside in the pouring rain while she screamed and cussed that she was NOT getting married under the tent and everyone would just have to wait until it stopped raining. This was the middle of July, so even the rain was hot and sticky, and there were a lot of elderly family members with health issues in attendance sitting in 80-degree heat for over an hour.
The cake had also started melting. I honestly wasn't sure if the wedding was going to happen at one point, but it eventually stopped raining and the bride married her soaked groom and ate wedding cake soup.
28. Tailor-Made For Each Other
I work at David's Bridal. Most of the times...it's not the bride. It's a mother of the bride or maid of honor. I work in alterations, and believe me, it takes more than one appointment to get things perfect. So one day, this bride comes in for her second appointment for us to do any adjustments. Predictably, she needed a couple of things adjusted.
Her mother told me I ruined her daughter's marriage. Not wedding...but marriage. All I could think was that if needing to adjust something on your dress and having to come back for one more appointment makes you think someone ruined your perfect life with someone...well...good luck to her groom. I don’t want to be near those two.
29. Hey Mr. DJ
I’m a photographer. During more than a dozen years in this business, I've had almost nothing but fantastic clients, real sweethearts, and consider myself lucky. Almost. The exception was a New York bride who was so angry because it rained cats and dogs on her wedding day. I’m not sure if she understood I wasn't in charge of making the weather.
She had wanted to take golf carts to the beach with the wedding party to do fun photos there, but that clearly didn't happen. Her foul mood spoiled a bit of the wedding. Good thing everyone else still appeared to be having a good time regardless. She managed to stay (barely) polite to her vendors, but weeks later she unleashed on me.
I had delivered, among I don't know how many hundreds of photos, two shots of the DJ. She calculated that those photos, based on my fee, had cost her $14, and was almost comically displeased about that. She also flipped her wig because, she told me angrily, she'd observed me eating a few canapés during the reception—and at three dollars apiece, how did I not understand those were not intended for the hired help!
I offered to refund her $23 and inquired where she wanted me to send the check. At that point, she calmed down a bit, possibly realizing how ridiculous she was being, and then volunteered that maybe she was being a bit irrational at the moment...because she was pregnant. Of course, I offered my congratulations. She grudgingly told me to keep the check.
I did put a baby gift (a silver rattle) in the mail to her a few weeks later. I hope she and her husband and the baby lived happily ever after!
30. If The Shoe Fitspair of men's brown leather loafersPhoto by Jia Ye on Unsplash
I’m not a bridal worker, but I stood up in a friend's wedding. Less than 48 hours before the wedding, the bride suddenly decided that the shoes that came with our tuxes weren't to her liking. She wanted me and the groom to go to various stores and get some “better” shoes for the big day. My friend, the groom-to-be, was totally stressed out with all the various loose ends he had to tie up before the wedding.
Including, apparently, trying to find different shoes. Fortunately, I was able to talk some sense into him. I told him first that there just wasn't enough time to go shoe shopping and second, there are only four basic types of dress shoes for guys: shiny or not shiny, with laces or without. Finally, I said that no one cares what kind of shoes the groom and groomsmen wear.
He came to his senses and was able to persuade his now-wife that new shoes were unnecessary.
31. It’s A Doggone Shame
I work for a wedding venue, and the couple wanted to bring their dogs for the ceremony. The day of the wedding, everyone working has a list of jobs to do to get ready for the big day. All of my fellow employees are setting up everything, so the couple's families can get ready and relax. We set out the chairs, decorations, flowers, tables, silverware, the dining room, the Arbor, EVERYTHING!!
The only thing they had to do was hold onto the dogs. Spoiler: They didn't. We finished everything on the inside in the morning, and we were almost done finishing everything outside, when we all hear a massive crash on the inside of our massive event room. It was the dogs. One had started with the wedding cake and accompanying artsy cupcakes.
The other moved into (on top of) the beverages tables where they broke around 80 flutes, 60 stemless glasses, and around 120ish glasses, along with four crystal punch bowls and all the accompanying liquids. And they did it all within a few seconds. Needless to say, the bride and groom’s "handler" was their 15-year-old nephew.
This boy, in his eternal wisdom, thought that he would let them run around a bit before the wedding. When the bride walked out of the changing rooms and down the hall to see the noise, she was not happy at the sight of the horrors that took place. She lost her mind, blaming us for everything, screaming, “Why did you let the dogs into the room?” etc etc.
She said she didn't care how, but to get this all ready before the reception or she would sue us for all we were worth. We took the "I don't care how" to heart. We called every business within a 10-mile radius and bought, borrowed, bartered, and did everything we could. All the glasses, all the wine, the drinks. I was in charge of driving the boss’s car to the nearest bakery and forcing the bakery to make a serviceable wedding cake with everything they had.
I was a little late on bringing the cake back, but everything else had been cleaned, reset, and back to its former glory before the wedding ceremony was over. After the night was over and the bride and groom left, we gave everything back we borrowed, boxed up what we bought, and started shelling out the favors. We tallied up all the damages the dogs had caused and what the wedding cost.
It was in the five-digit range. The couple was understandably angry at the bill, so they did indeed sue…they lost. And to my knowledge, they are still leaving 1-star reviews on every rating website out there for us.
32. Get A Room
I worked management at a resort in a popular tourist town. When weddings are booked at our venue with the event coordinator, we can hold a certain number of rooms for guests attending. A manager was always required to check in the bridal couple, and I had been given a heads up by the coordinator that this particular bride was a Bridezilla.
First, they wanted a room on the highest floor and closer to the beach. Thing is, they were already booked into the Honeymoon Suite, which was on the third floor with ocean views. Nope, she wanted higher and closer. Had an absolute meltdown at the front desk when I explained there was nothing higher...or closer. I mean, really.
A colleague of mine ran for the event coordinator when the bride started screaming at me and her husband-to-be. The husband was very apologetic and trying to calm her down. Eventually, she was placated and sent off with keys, but fewer than 30 minutes later she was back and demanding we empty the rooms next to and below her.
Honey, those rooms cost $640 a night and we are fully booked! I was lucky enough to not be working the night of the wedding, but I heard all about her screaming at the wait staff, kicking the band out for playing a song she didn’t like, and the screaming match she got into with her mother-in-law. What a peach! All counted up, the wedding was about $40,000 and she made everyone miserable.
The groom left our front desk staff a big tip to apologize for her behavior.
33. The Water Worksassorted flower bouquet near flower shopPhoto by Roman Kraft on Unsplash
I own a gift shop and I also sell flowers. It's in a small hospital so we don't do too many flowers. Usually, it’s just small arrangements because our customers generally don't want to spend over 20 bucks. One day, one of the women who works at the hospital asked us if we would make a bridal bouquet for her future daughter-in-law.
We decided we would do it just for her. We made this beautiful bouquet exactly how she wanted it, and even added some extra embellishments. She picked it up the day before the wedding and I told her to just gently spray water from a spray bottle on it to keep it hydrated. I even demonstrated how to do it. The mother-in-law came in the next Monday and told me something awful.
Apparently, the night before the wedding the bride had literally sat the bouquet in the sink and drenched it with water which obviously ruined it. The bride wanted to demand a refund but the mother-in-law told her no because it was her own fault. So yeah, after that one I probably won't work with brides again. Too high strung.
34. The Mother Of All Insults
Not a wedding shop, but we sold kitchenware. Think china, cookware, etc. It was like a Williams Sonoma store. The bride, mother of the bride, and mother of the groom were all shopping and filling out the wedding registry list. The groom’s mom was pointing to an item and said something to the bride. The mother of the bride turned to the other mother and snapped, “Your job is to shut up and wear blue".
We placed bets on if that marriage would last.
35. A Wandering Eye
I worked at a church that had weddings in the DC area. The worst bride I dealt with was part of an insanely rich couple. They showed up in a Lamborghini, I think, and the groom kept asking if it was safe to park the car out front. I think he was just trying to show off the car, and he also wondered if his father's Bentley would be safe in the alley behind the church.
We were in DC, so he was lucky we had any parking at all. Then the bride was walking around talking about all the extravagant things she was wanting for the wedding, and pointing to things saying, "This will never do". The worst thing was that every time the bride turned her back, the groom kept on staring at my chest.
It was strange. His bride looked like a supermodel, and he was very good-looking himself; I don't know why he had to sleaze on church workers. After that and other demanding people, I told the church I don't want to do weddings, so now volunteers for the church do it.
36. A Bull In A China Shopwoman standing inside clothing areaPhoto by Korie Cull on Unsplash
Do Groomzillas count? I used to work as a bridal registry consultant for a big department store. I had several nightmare couples and family members, but I always think of this one guy. The bride was pleasant enough and very polite. She expressed great excitement when discussing the plans for the wedding, while the groom just seemed bored.
She was very excited to pick out fine china—and that’s when the groom snapped. He yelled at her and called her an idiot, then told her that there was no need for expensive things like that. He said they would never use them, while she insisted that she would find reasons to use them so they wouldn’t go to waste. She also said that her family insisted on her picking a pattern and they would all chip in to get the set.
She was nice enough and patient enough with this jerk that she even kept asking him what he liked. Well, the groom didn't like anything and kept yelling at her, telling her that she was "wasting his time" and that she was stupid. It was getting really uncomfortable at that point. I tried to intervene as much as I could, but this groom was complete scum.
Eventually, he stormed off and I tried to keep everything light-hearted and happy for the bride. I hope she didn't go through with that wedding.
37. Horsing Around
I worked for a small regional newspaper. It must have been a quiet week for stories, so my editor sends me off to cover the wedding of the son of one of our biggest advertisers. I make contact with the family to get details, and get told to meet them at a carpark behind the community hall, as the bride would be riding a horse up the main street to the quaint little stone Anglican church (how romantic! swoon).
So I get there and here's the bride in a massive, poofy, white fairy princess dress. The bride had to hoist the dress up to her armpits to get on the horse and ride with it bunched around her hips with her legs from the knee down poking out beneath. Apparently the decision to ride was a rather last-minute one. But what's this? There are two horses!
It seems the mother-of-the-bride wanted some of the attention cough I mean, she wanted to be part of her daughter's special day. So the mother is in a lovely lilac jacket, white blouse...and a very tight knee-length skirt. The sort of skirt that makes walking hard, let alone stepping up to a stirrup or swinging your leg over a saddle.
Oh, and huge stiletto heels that she refused to take off, even to get on the horse. The mother ended up having to roll her skirt up to her belt and get two hefty blokes to hoist her onto the horse. Then roll her skirt back down enough so she could tuck it under her butt and not be flashing her knickers up the main street. And away they went.
It was early afternoon in a pretty touristy town, so the echo of clip-clopping hooves brought everyone out of cafes and shops for a look. Took some very creative photography to cover that disaster discretely!
38. Don’t Bug Me
My brother and sister-in-law used to own a bakery, and wedding cakes were their primary moneymaker. If a couple had an outdoor wedding, we would always warn them that the cake needed a net around it to protect it from bugs. Most couples understood it and usually had a net around it, or else didn’t care. So anyway, this one bride wanted an extravagant wedding cake.
The middle section was a four-tier cake—two tiers on the bottom pillars with columns and two tiers on the top. Then she wanted four other sets of a four-tier cake that had stairs connecting the middle section. On the stairs were small dolls that were supposed to resemble the bridesmaids and groomsmen. Each cake was also a different flavor as well.
Oh but we’re not done yet. Then on the bottom, a waterfall. In short, this cake was ugly. The reception was also close to a creek, so that means lots of bugs. We strongly urged her to use a net around it. She declined. We also made her sign a waiver excluding us from any liability after the cake was dropped off. We have this wedding as our last drop-off as it was hot and we didn’t want the frosting to melt by sitting in the hot sun all day.
We also freeze the cakes a day or two before so by the time it’s ready to cut, the cake is de-thawed but the frosting is still intact. This is how it went downhill. We arrive to start assembling the cake and I noticed little tiny gnats already in the cake. We did a quick fix to eliminate the problem but alert the people there (again) that they needed something to protect the cake.
Again, by time it’s ready to serve, it will be covered in bugs. We show them the problem, but they didn’t seem to care. So whatever, she signed the waiver, we finished and left. Well, my sister-in-law gets a phone call around 8 pm that night with an angry bride. She wanted us to make and redecorate the exact cake and bring it to her within an hour.
There is no way in heck we would or could do that. Since I am better at customer service than my brother and his wife, she handed me the phone and I explained to the bride, “I feel your frustration in the matter, however, you were informed of the dangers of setting up a cake outside, in the country, with no protection".
I asked her if she had any more questions. She threw a big humph and hung up on me.
39. Won’t Somebody Think Of The Children?a couple of people that are standing in the grassPhoto by Anthea Lawrence on Unsplash
I worked at a wedding venue in college. This isn't so much a Bridezilla story as it is just a bizarre...bizarre wedding. It was a 70-top, pretty small for our venue and banquet style, but this was actually less pressure on the servers. We basically just had to keep things running smoothly from ceremony to reception to send-off. It was an easy night for us…not for them.
First, they got married in our vineyard. One of the little kids was the ring-bearer and he dropped the ring. A few staff members were out for two hours searching through the brush for it, to no avail. We think one of the geese ate it. Next, the reception. It was closer to a daycare because more than half of that 70 headcount was children under 10.
The groom was super great with them, like maybe he was a teacher or something. The bride didn't interact with them at all, and overall seemed to have a lot of disdain for them. At one point, the groom even procured a guitar from somewhere and was having a sing-along on the floor with the kids. Meanwhile, the bride was just off eating her dinner alone at the little sweethearts' table.
Last, the cake. How it works: The bride and groom cut the cake out on the floor so everyone can get pictures and people cheer, then two servers bring the rest of the cake back to my station where we cut and dish out the rest of the slices for the guests. We separate the top of the cake and pack it for the bride and groom to take with them.
The intent is they share it on their first anniversary, as you guys probably know. Well, this cake went fast, because kids probably. So as we were finishing up the station and packing the top, groom comes back and tells us to cut the top. We double-check that is ok…turns out he went behind the bride's back because the kids wanted more cake.
She didn't look all too thrilled with her wedding day, or with the groom. I didn't see them interact all night, and sometimes I wonder if they are still together.
40. Family Feud
Wedding Officiant here. The bride was a wonderful young woman, albeit short, chubby, and slightly “frumpy". But a sweet girl and very happy, and very in love. The mom was just the opposite: tall, willowy, blonde, and overly made up. After the wedding, the mom showed up at the reception. Everyone looked at her and gasped all together.
She came in an extra-tight off-white dress. It was backless and with a thigh slit up to her waistline. She had stiletto heels that would have been more at home on the pole, not at a wedding. Once the wedding itself was over, the mom made it all about her. She was the first person on the dance floor, worked the room at the reception, and did table-to-table flirting with every man in the room (including me).
It was sad watching the bride slowly slip back into her shell, eclipsed by her mother. On her wedding day.
41. A Little To The Left
I used to cater wedding receptions in college. This momzilla shows up to the reception hall about 30 minutes before everyone is due to arrive. She thinks that one of the tables is too close to another table, and asks that we move it about five inches. Okay. But then of course all the OTHER tables are now too close, and she insists that we move every single table in the venue over five inches.
All 16 of them. We manage to scurry and move them, but you know what happens when you move 16 tables? Every single chair doesn't match the place setting now. We manage to move every single chair (over 160) right before the first guests arrive, never mind that it's taken up time we should have been prepping for guests by filling water pitchers, etc. and we're now behind.
Crazy mom THEN insists that every fork is slightly too close to every plate. We now politely tell her we won't be moving 160 forks—and she has a fit. Luckily, we stood our ground, and that mother did not get what she wanted that day.
42. The Writing’s On The Wallpeople hands with tattoesPhoto by Vitaliy Lyubezhanin on Unsplash
So, I do Henna tattoos. Usually, I work a booth at either a theme park or fair, and occasionally I work at this little shop in the downtown area of where I live. I’m finishing up my shift at a local theme park when the lady at the shop calls me in a complete panic. A bridal party has come in with no warning, and not only does the bride want the full traditional wedding henna done, but she wants henna on her bridesmaids as well.
A total of 20 people who need hands and feet done, and the bride who wants hands, feet, and her back done in henna. I get to the shop and there are now two of us who can do the designs the bride has asked for. The bride takes one look at me and says she won’t let me do the henna for her or any of her party. I’m white. I currently have rainbow hair done up in a pixie cut. I also tend to give people the impression that I am gay.
So, after hearing this witch of a bride spout off about how a white girl can’t possibly do henna right, I point to the pictures in the example book—because they were all done by me. Then I took my happy butt home, turned my phone off, and had a nice nap before going to my other job. I later found out that the bride ended up storming out of the shop when she found out there simply was no way to do it.
I still wonder if she found someone to do it. The best part was, a lot of her wedding party were white girls as well, so I guess it’s okay for them to wear it but not for a white girl to know how to apply it.
43. Runaway Bride
I’m not a wedding shop worker, but I do have a pretty incredible Bridezilla story. My sister and I were asked to be bridesmaids by a mutual acquaintance. We both thought it was odd that she asked both of us and not someone closer to her, but either way, we planned a wonderful weekend in a resort town three hours away for her bachelorette party with the other two bridesmaids, who were her friends.
She started the weekend pouty and on her phone for most of the time. All in all, she seemed totally ungrateful for the good time we were trying to give her. Things got better when we broke out the hard stuff in our hotel room later. Then we saw a band at a bar, and there were other bridal parties there. She was fine for a while, dancing and having fun, until one of the other bridal parties sat down near us and started getting more attention.
They were all young cute girls and the band was flirting with them, guys were asking the bride to dance...and all of a sudden my bride sat down and began furiously texting on her phone. We asked what was wrong, and she would only say that she wasn’t having fun anymore and wanted to go home. We were all like, “Okay, let’s call a cab and go back to the hotel".
And she was like, “No, I want to go HOME". Which was three hours away. We were all drinking, so no one could drive her home. She storms out of the bar and begins calling people who none of us know to come and pick up her in the middle of the night because her fiancé isn’t answering his phone. She steadfastly refuses to get a cab; she says she’s going to stand in the parking lot for hours until someone picks her up.
She even made us miss a bus that could have driven us to the hotel for free because she simply refused to move. That was what made me snap. I screamed at her. I’ve never in my adult life screamed at another adult like that. I told her that she was going to get in a car and go back to the hotel, because we weren’t going to leave her out here all alone and we certainly weren’t going to stand in a bar parking lot for hours while she waited for someone to pick her up.
And she finally relented. We got into a cab and got back to the hotel. Bride is still texting, not speaking to any of us now because I yelled at her. When we got to the hotel, she refused to come inside. She stood in that awkward space between the two double doors and refused to move again. Myself and one of her friends went up to the room to pack her stuff, while my sister and the other friend stayed downstairs to make sure she didn’t bolt on us or something.
She finally got a hold of her fiancé, who agreed to drive down and fetch her. My sister said that when Bridezilla finally decided to talk, she witched about how she was mad at US because “we hadn’t helped her enough". I was livid. We’d gone to wedding expos with her, helped her pick out her dress, picked out our dresses, and we’d planned an entire weekend for her bachelorette party.
We spent hundreds of dollars to make her happy, but that wasn’t good enough for her. And while I was up in the hotel room gathering her stuff with her other friend, I learned the whole truth. She’s been previously married, had multiple foreclosures and court dates because of unpaid debts, and had two children she no longer had custody of—all things I had no idea about even though I’d known her for years.
I’m not sure if her fiancé knew it either! When her fiancé did arrive, she didn’t even greet or thank him. She just blew right past him and sat in his car. Her behavior was like a petulant teenager, and this woman was in her late 30s. It was unbelievable. But in the end, my sister and I bonded with the other two bridesmaids over the tumultuous situation, and now we’re friends. And the wedding was astoundingly uneventful. So I guess I’m happy with that!
44. Straight And Narrow
I’ve been DJing weddings for about 10 years. Most brides relax by the time I really get to work, and most of the time the groom is in charge of the music. So I don’t have too many stories—however, one bride was really, really into her wedding being symmetrical. She measured the entire room and wanted everything placed at the exact places she requested.
I had to measure the distance my table was from the wall and the other tables, I had to measure the distance my speakers were from each other and the dance floor. On the day, she was upset at me because I failed to inform her that I had lighting for the dance floor and she wished that she had time to determine where to place them.
45. Doomed From The Startperson holding orange fruit near green leavesPhoto by S O C I A L . C U T on Unsplash
I am a florist, and I serviced a Bridezilla and groom without a hitch on my end. On their end? They had to go out of state to get married because they had protective orders against each other!
46. A Cake Walk
I once worked in a bakery, and we had this bride freak out that her cake wasn't right, and she proceeded to smash it to bits with her fist. Well, she smashed the wrong cake. Like what the heck. Anyways, the authorities allowed her to wash her hands before placing her in handcuffs. I felt bad for the future husband and the couple that ordered said cake. People are cray cray.
47. Photo Finish
Wedding band member here. I had a bride flip out at me and my bandmates because our instruments weren't white or salmon-colored to fit in with the decorations. She was saying we would ruin the photographs…even though I was playing during the reception and all the photos were already taken. A sunburst jazz bass, blue Stratocaster and a red drum set aren't going to ruin your pictures, darling.
48. This One Takes The Cakeperson holding ballpoint pen writing on white paperPhoto by Marissa Grootes on Unsplash
I worked as a wedding planner and coordinator, and one bride stands out to me because she was so inconsistent with all the vendors. She was a complete sweetheart to me during the planning phase and I never saw any of the crazy until the day of the wedding. It was honestly like a Jekyll/Hyde moment. She wanted a big wedding, around 300 people, and spent a lot of money on the venue and food and wanted the best for everything.
No complaints about paying for it either, never asked for discounts or anything like that. And since she wanted the best and seemed to have a really large budget, I referred her to a popular baker for the cake. I let her handle the logistics for the cake since I've worked with this baker before and never had any problems. I figured they would do the standard cake tasting, pick a design with the baker, and I would see a gorgeous masterpiece on the day of the wedding.
Well, that didn't really work out. For some reason, she didn't want to tell the baker that it was for a wedding. I'm guessing she read that you can save money by ordering a regular cake because some vendors will automatically add an extra charge if it's for a wedding. By the way, this is true to some extent, but the extra charge truly is there for a reason.
Whenever something is for a wedding, the vendor puts in much more care, stresses about the timing, execution, etc. way more than usual, and often times will go all out and use premium materials or add upgrades. Not all of us are just adding extra charges for no reason. Anyways, she decided she didn't want to pay for a wedding cake so she told the baker it was for a birthday party.
The baker asked how many people the cake would need to serve and she said "around 50". She also didn't want to pay the delivery fee, so she had her sister pick up the cake on the morning of the wedding and bring it to the event. At this point, it's important to mention one huge thing. We live in Texas and this is a summer wedding.
So by the time the cake got to the venue—about six hours after it was picked up from the bakery—it didn't look all that great anymore. Some of the decorations had melted, the cake got a little banged up in the car ride, there was icing on the inside of the box, and the entire cake was sagging on one side. It was also way too small for a wedding of her size.
I saw it and it looked like a complete disaster. But at this point, we're about an hour away from the start of the wedding and there's no possible way to fix this. The bride comes into the reception room with her makeup all done When she sees it, she unravels. Screaming, crying, throwing things, collapsing on the floor. Complete meltdown.
She threatens to cancel the whole wedding if we can't fix it. We try to calm her down as much as we can and grab the makeup artist before she leaves and ask if she can help fix the bride's makeup, which is a mess now. The bride sees herself in the mirror and has another meltdown because she ruined her hair and makeup and now wants to have the whole thing re-done.
After she gets everything done to perfection again, we're about an hour behind schedule. I let the guests come inside the reception room to wait because it seemed cruel to force everyone to sit outside in 100-degree heat, but when the bride saw that everyone was inside she had another meltdown. She spent the entire wedding sulking with a scowl on her face, and refused to take any pictures with people.
Her new husband kept coming over to hug her and try to cheer her up, and she would either yell at him or give him the silent treatment. Most of the guests left very early because the atmosphere felt so uncomfortable. So, pretty much a waste of the $200,000 budget for a lavish wedding, all because she wanted to save a couple hundred bucks on the cake.
49. Thirsting For More
Wedding coordinator here! I've found the moms are usually worse than the brides. I worked a wedding this past summer with a ridiculous Momzilla. During the rehearsal, she handed me the box of decorations and said, "Don't you dare make this look tacky". On the day of the wedding, she arrived and came up to ask me where the wedding programs were.
I told her there weren't any programs in any of the boxes and she proceeded scream at me for losing them and then decided that I took them. She also asked that we build a water station for the guests, but instructed us that she didn't want the guests to have access to it until after the ceremony. It was 90 degrees that day and the ceremony was outside, so that did not go over well.
And when the guests complained that they were thirsty and we weren't letting them go to the water station, she told them how horrible we were and made a big deal of opening the water station early, like she was the hero. Thank God they only booked the venue for the ceremony, so she was only my problem for about an hour. But that wasn’t the end of the story.
The next day, my boss handed me an email the Momzilla sent her. She wrote about how I lost the programs, but then in the same sentence said she found the programs in her hotel room later that night and made a comment about how I should've gone to her hotel and gotten them. She also complained about how I wouldn't give her guests water and how the photographer was the worst person she's ever worked with.
She actually wrote, "Don't bother remembering her name, she'll never work in his town again" about the photographer, like she was a Hollywood producer. Her letter ended with her complimenting the venue space—and then came the line I’ll never forget. "I think I would be a great addition to your team of event coordinators! Let me know when I can start!"
Yep, this witch was blatantly trying to take my job. The worst part, though, is that my boss actually hired her. Needless to say, I quit working at that venue.
50. Comeuppance Bought And Paid For
My mom and I saw a great Bridezilla freak out while shopping for my wedding dress a few years back. We were in a small, local shop when another mother-daughter duo came in. The attendant who had been helping us went up to greet them. The mother said they were here to pick up her daughter's dress, so the attendant looks her name up in the computer, frowns, and says, "Ma'am, you never bought the dress".
"What are you talking about?" The attendant shows the lady the notes on her computer screen. "You said you wanted to think about it, and asked if we could hold the dress. We held it for two weeks, but when we didn't hear back from you, we assumed you didn't want it". "Well, we want it now". "It's been over eight months", the attendant explained, "We sold the dress a long time ago. But I can order you another one, and have it expedited here in a few weeks".
And like a Mt. St. Helens of entitlement, the eruption began. "This is unacceptable!" The mother shrieked. "We have her alterations scheduled in two hours! The wedding is a week away! I can't believe you sold her dress!" The bride, meanwhile, is slumped against the desk and sobbing like someone kicked her dog. My mom and I are just open-mouthed staring at this point.
The attendant was trying to be diplomatic, but is clearly as baffled as we are. "Ma'am, we had no way to know you wanted it. You never called. You never put down a deposit. The dress isn't yours until you pay for it". After some more screaming from the mother and wailing from the bride, they left. The shop attendant came back over to us and I asked her, "Does that kind of thing happen a lot?"
The poor lady just deflated. "All the time". It baffles me to this day. How do you schedule alterations on a dress that you never purchased? Why would you wait until a week before the wedding to pick up your dress? How do you make it to adulthood without knowing how basic buying and selling transactions work?