Let's talk reincarnation.
Calm down, I'm not going to get spiritual on you.
Reddit is going to get AWESOME.
Reddit user Alt_FGualdino asked:
"If you could be reincarnated after your death as any animal(besides human) what would you be?"
So here's what happened—a bunch of people got really excited about animals (as people do) and it kind of devolved into a passionate defense of their favorite animals.
There are few things that get more e-turnt than Redditors arguing about whether orcas, tigers or dragons are coolest.
Such passion, such devotion, so much fur.
Let's get into it.
Orcas - Or Not
"Orca."
"Long life, high intelligence, language, extremely low mortality, social life, free time. Orcas seem to only spend 10% of their life hunting while devoting the rest to play and social interaction."
"The only animal in the world that can mess with Orcas are humans."
"Some Orcas literally kill great white sharks to eat their liver. And maybe one would think a battle between an orca and a great white would be epic but it is not. It is over in seconds."
- Ruxini
"But there's a risk of getting caught as a baby by some marine park people, who then force you to live in a small pool, doing shows for humans day in and day out until you're certifiably nuts."
- CronozDK
"They're gorgeous but that lifestyle is brutal. You might as well just stay human if you're going to sign up for such brutality."
- InternationalDeer9
"What if you're an introvert orca or have social anxiety? It'll be this life again but without pizza :( "
- darklord01998
Giphy
A Lifestyle I Can Get Behind
"I once read about a lizard (I think it was a lizard) that lived in the Galapagos islands."
"It has no predators so it never has to worry about being hunted. This is how it spends its day.:
"In the morning it slowly walks down the beach and swims around eating algae. When it's belly is full it heads back to the beach."
"Unfortunately it is unable to digest algae. To solve this problem it has to lay on its back on the beach in the sun. The sun warms up it's stomach and allows it stomach to digest the algae."
"After doing that for several hours, it goes for another swim to eat some more algae, then lays on the beach again."
"This is a lifestyle I can get behind."
- beaushaw
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Feathery Beacon of Hate
"Goose, any day."
"Canadian Citizenship, no one f*cks with geese, Honk, Fly, Can live off grass alone, Swim, Could probably relearn how to speak if I keep my intelligence, Honk!"
"My headcanon is that all of the animosity and hatred of the Canadian people is concentrated into its goose population instead of its humans."
"That goose-borne hatred is then unleashed on the world during migration. I would happily take part in such a spectacle."
- Flimsy_Bid5817
"Headcanon accepted."
"I also would like to join in being an beautiful feathery beacon of hate majestically migrating to f*cking wreck everyone and everything in my path."
- bold-italixs
"Canadian Goose. They really are a menace to society and the absolute worst."
- Proper_Access_6321
Giphy
Low Stress Life
"Ok after some thought I'm going with blue whale."
"First, they live a really long time- like 80 years. But during that time you probably have the lowest stress life possible."
"What does a blue whale have to worry about? Nothing. It's not even an effort to eat - you just glide around slurping up krill!"
"And nothing is going to mess with you. Result: time for pure meditation. Blue whales probably all achieve enlightenment by age 20. That means 60 years of blissful nirvana."
- Durham1988
"Blue Whale for sure."
"Just spend my life cruising the ocean, eating tons of krill, and singing."
- kanst
"Lame. I'd get bored with nothing to do for so long. If I'm signing up for another lifetime it's sure AF not so I can just be bored back to death."
- [Reddit]
"Then when you get too old to swim you'll drown and wash up on the shore to be poked by tourists until you explode. Win win."
- jerrythecactus
Giphy
The Passage Of Time
"A Galapagos tortoise."
"I'd get to live a really long time on a nice little island sanctuary with warm year round temperatures, and a conservation crew there to make sure that I don't die if I do something stupid."
"It'd be nice just to see the people around me change, get old, die, and a new set of people come in. I would literally be observing the passage of time for humans."
- Fluffy_Carpenter1377
"You sound like a super villain. I'm here for it."
- [Reddit]
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The Cooler Version
"Tiger or zebra so I could be the cooler, stripey, version of lions or horses."
- badpatriot15
"Tiger Always"
- Above2526
"Tiger cuz, who wants to mess with a big cat other than other big cats?"
- cheekiemunky13
Giphy
No Business Like Crow Business
"I remember the first time going to the Grand Canyon, I saw these crows who would just catch the thermals and glide around all day eating lizards. I'd like to be one of those guys."
- funky_grandma
"A crow."
"Absolutely intelligent animals, and they can fly and look badass as f***."
"Oh! And they can talk!"
- Thinker_girl7
Giphy
Not As Bouyant
"Hippopotamus!"
"Nothing f*cks with a hippopotamus! They are cute and badass all at once."
"All day long just hanging out in the pool and wallowing with no predators, I could live like that!"
"I've thought about it as a human. I can't swim unfortunately. I have tried to learn but I'm not as buoyant as a hippo."
- whynousernamelef
Giphy
A Good Neck Stretch
"I would be an owl."
"Rotating your head that much and not breaking it sounds rad. Living in the night and being able to fly in silence is rad, too."
"Also, those big eyes they have, bro. They're awesome. Lastly, the sounds they make. Majestic."
- awaceka
"Uh, that's way too much puking for me thanks."
- [Reddit]
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Pet-Palooza
"I'd reincarnate as my own cat if I could. He's stupid, but he's absolutely living his best life."
"I mean REALLY not smart. He's so stupid I've seen him pause and get confused about what he's doing while cleaning himself."
"His biggest source of stress is if the wind from my open window blows my door closed and he has to meow at me to get up and open the door so he can claim his throne: My lap."
- TemptCiderFan
"Someone's pet dog would be the best answer, assuming you somehow get to keep your mental faculties, and that you’re in a good home."
"You get to stay in the comforts of human society, rather than be at the mercy of nature."
"You’re literally there to be someone’s friend. They take care of you, but you’re still important in taking care of them too."
"Your short lifespan might seem to suck, but it means that more than likely, your friend will be there for you from the beginning to the very end. For us, dogs come and go, and we have to deal with that and move on. For the dog? We can be there for them for the whole ride."
- TheLakeAndTheGlass
"A pet parrot."
"I get to live as much as a human, give or take few years. I can talk and watch stuff on the television or whatever."
And I get to look fabulous while doing it."
- Charael
Giphy
The more I think about it, the less I can come up with a response.
My kneejerk response is to go #TeamWhale—but then I remembered humans have turned the ocean into an incomprehensibly loud trash-filled mess.
And I kept coming across that same issue over and over again with every animal.
Humans...
Why are we like this, fam?
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Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
Hungry Cookie GIF by De Graafschap Dierenartsen
Giphy
What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
Hug GIF by The BarkPost
Giphy
Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
sleepy kitten GIF
Giphy
Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
Angry Tom And Jerry GIF by Boomerang Official
Giphy
Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
Giphy
"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Giphy
"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace
Giphy
"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office
Giphy
"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
