It's safe to say most men are obsessed with their penises.

I mean, I get it... I'm a dude, in case you haven't figured it out yet. A penis is a sensitive organ, okay?

Super sensitive. We're bound to be very protective of it.

We know that penises allow us to urinate and that they also play a major role in human reproduction. But suppose they could do much more than that?

Men could truly take over the world—not that they haven't already, but more on that some other time.

Men certainly had plenty to say on this matter after Redditor lawyeratyourservice asked the online community:

"Your penis can now be used for a third purpose, of your choice. What is your newly discovered penis power?"

"That's right..."

"Master key to unlock any lock. That's right, for just $9.95 you can turn any key into a gloryhole."


This has so many possibilities if you want to be a porn actor.

"It sends out..."

"it sends out an internet connection to my laptop and phone."


Never pay for internet again?

Save money?

This sounds like a win to me.


"Periscope. Imagine being able to whip your unit around a corner to check for enemy insurgents."


There has to be a wonderful, heartwarming buddy comedy about this.

Something about a spy and his penis, perhaps?

"I'd never..."

"Piss gasoline. I’d never have to pay for a tank again."


Okay, this sounds like a great way to piss off–get it?–OPEC and get yourself assassinated.

Well done.

"Family gatherings..."

"Turning mashed potatoes into gold. Family gatherings were never this awkward… or lucrative!"


Thanksgiving will never be the same again, that's for sure.

"I can forcefully..."

"Detachable baton, so I can forcefully dong insolent people about the face and head with it."


Something about this image is hilarious to me.

But detaching it sounds like the easy part.

What about re-attaching it?


"Taking the steering wheel while I eat a sandwich."


Ah, a simple man with simple priorities.

Never tear a man away from his sandwich.


"Well, another limb, like an elephant trunk. Can be used to grasp things, turn pages of a book..."


This sounds like it would be very useful and fun... until you get a papercut on your penis, that is.

"It can play..."

"It can play music. Probably drums."


I think you've just described the musical act of the century.

"As a climber..."

"Penis hooks. As a climber I use heel hooks and toe hooks to keep me on the wall. I want the ultimate no hands no feet rest position on the wall."


You'd probably get so fit, too.

Just be sure that all those muscles don't go solely to your penis.

Now... it's only fair, gentlemen.

We should probably ask women what they would do if they could give their vaginas a superpower.

It'd be interesting to see how these complement each other, wouldn't you agree?

Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!

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