It's safe to say most men are obsessed with their penises.

I mean, I get it... I'm a dude, in case you haven't figured it out yet. A penis is a sensitive organ, okay?

Super sensitive. We're bound to be very protective of it.

We know that penises allow us to urinate and that they also play a major role in human reproduction. But suppose they could do much more than that?

Men could truly take over the world—not that they haven't already, but more on that some other time.


Men certainly had plenty to say on this matter after Redditor lawyeratyourservice asked the online community:

"Your penis can now be used for a third purpose, of your choice. What is your newly discovered penis power?"

"That's right..."

"Master key to unlock any lock. That's right, for just $9.95 you can turn any key into a gloryhole."

BreezeAG

This has so many possibilities if you want to be a porn actor.

"It sends out..."

"it sends out an internet connection to my laptop and phone."

fuyungah

Never pay for internet again?

Save money?

This sounds like a win to me.

"Imagine..."

"Periscope. Imagine being able to whip your unit around a corner to check for enemy insurgents."

MrBrisket

There has to be a wonderful, heartwarming buddy comedy about this.

Something about a spy and his penis, perhaps?

"I'd never..."

"Piss gasoline. I’d never have to pay for a tank again."

weinerofyahweh

Okay, this sounds like a great way to piss off–get it?–OPEC and get yourself assassinated.

Well done.

"Family gatherings..."

"Turning mashed potatoes into gold. Family gatherings were never this awkward… or lucrative!"

shiroboi

Thanksgiving will never be the same again, that's for sure.

"I can forcefully..."

"Detachable baton, so I can forcefully dong insolent people about the face and head with it."

PavoRetare

Something about this image is hilarious to me.

But detaching it sounds like the easy part.

What about re-attaching it?

"Taking..."

"Taking the steering wheel while I eat a sandwich."

housemuncher

Ah, a simple man with simple priorities.

Never tear a man away from his sandwich.

"Well..."

"Well, another limb, like an elephant trunk. Can be used to grasp things, turn pages of a book..."

AmuseMe2

This sounds like it would be very useful and fun... until you get a papercut on your penis, that is.

"It can play..."

"It can play music. Probably drums."

ClassofClowns

I think you've just described the musical act of the century.

"As a climber..."

"Penis hooks. As a climber I use heel hooks and toe hooks to keep me on the wall. I want the ultimate no hands no feet rest position on the wall."

Ozo_Zozo

You'd probably get so fit, too.

Just be sure that all those muscles don't go solely to your penis.

Now... it's only fair, gentlemen.

We should probably ask women what they would do if they could give their vaginas a superpower.

It'd be interesting to see how these complement each other, wouldn't you agree?

Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!

Want to "know" more?

Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.

When looking at a resume, it's easy to understand how prospective employers will assume someone is very intelligent based on their education and past experience.

But one shouldn't only assume someone's intelligence based on what they read.

More often than not, one can tell rather quickly that someone possesses above-average intelligence, based on how they speak, how they behave, or other telling details.

Keep reading...Show less

With each passing year of a marriage, couples will often discover that while they don't love each other any less than they once did, that spark their relationship used to carry has faded.

This will often lead these couples to look for ways to spice things up a bit.

Among the more popular experiments is inviting a third member to their bedroom.

Enticing as this prospect is, however, it's also easy to be intimidated by the reality of it, or even the mere suggestion of it.

Keep reading...Show less
People Share Their Best 'You Either Die The Hero Or Live Long Enough To Become The Villain' Experiences
Photo by Terry Tran on Unsplash

"You either die the hero or live long enough to become the villain."

Though not necessarily a universal truth, all of us have witnessed unfortunate moments in our lives where we've seen this saying become a reality.

Be it seeing our favorite public figures take a serious fall from grace, someone we know and admire eventually disappointing us in a devastating manner, or even seeing ourselves turn into someone we promised we'd never become.

Keep reading...Show less
People Describe The Darkest Thing They've Ever Done That They Don't Regret
Photo by Ashley Jurius on Unsplash

Sometimes we do things that have to be done.

And some of those things live in life's gray area of right and wrong.

What comes as a surprise to some is when we don't care if we're wrong.

We may still technically be in the right.

But morally and ethically, there may be some issues.

But still, many people don't care.

Keep reading...Show less