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Spoiler alert: you should just tell the doctor what really happened. For one thing, they're only trying to help. And for another, they have access to an x-ray machine.

Source at the end of the article.


1/17. Woman came in with $9,000 in cash which she had wrapped in plastic and shoved up her hoo-hoo. Her acids disintegrated the plastic wrap, and she had to be anaesthetised to get it all out. $20s and $50s.

via GIPHY

-Dr_Snow

2/17. I admitted a guy for pneumonia, which was odd because he was young and strapping, no other medical issues, x-ray didn't look quite right. The pieces just didn't add up, so I started questioning him more closely.

Do you use any drugs? "Drugs! That's disgusting. I'm no f*cking druggie! I've never touched drugs in my life."

I move on to other questions and suddenly: "Look, doc, I just want you to know I may have used cocaine once or twice years and years ago. I just snorted it though. That wouldn't cause this, right?"

Me: How long ago?

Patient: Like ten years, maybe longer.

Me: It shouldn't be affecting you after this long.

Patient: More like five.

Me: Years?

Patient: Uh, like five months ago.

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This goes on forever, until he admits he just got off a massive crack binge the day before, where he spent the past three days in a hotel with some women smoking crack non-stop. He finishes with: "But I don't want you to think I'm one of those dirty druggies."

No, I think you're the idiot who lied and was getting treated for pneumonia instead of getting the proper treatment for crack lung, which is what he had.

Here's a tip: I genuinely don't care. I'm not your momma, your spouse, or your priest. Don't waste my time and endanger your health spewing bullsh*t. Whatever horrible twisted thing you think is too shameful to talk about, I promise you, I've seen worse.

-glumapple

More cases on the next page...

3/17. A patient came in with chest pain. Said they'd fallen and hit their chest on a table. Xray was performed to evaluate for a rib fracture or collapsed lung.

The xray instead showed a long metallic foreign body in the left chest, within the heart. When questioned further the patient admitted to lying, and that they'd actually shot themselves in the chest with a nail gun.

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The wound was not bleeding nor really noticeable. They were taken to the operating room and did quite well after open heart surgery.

-Smeeee

4/17. Actual conversation I had with a guy a week ago.

Any past medical history?

"High blood pressure. That's it"

No other history?

"Nope. That's it."

(Proceed to take off his shirt.)

Sir. What is that huge scar on your chest?

"Oh that's from my triple bypass."

That's medical history sir. Anything else you want to add in now?

"Oh does congestive heart failure and diabetes count? I have those also."

-YouarenotLaBoeuf

5/17. Guy came in with burns to his entire willy. He tried to say he got it by trying to shoplift a hot bbq chicken from a deli down his pants. What he was really doing was f*cking the chicken.

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-SpinningDespina

6/17. Internal medicine ward outside of NYC. 55 y/o lady was mute in the ER, but severely constipated. Severe abdominal pain, needed rectal disimpaction and more than just an acute workup, so gets admitted reluctantly to surgery.

Next morning on rounds she is talking a mile a minute - full of detail about her diet and symptoms and family, etc.

Afternoon - back to mute, and back to abdominal pain and constipation. Two more days - same pattern. Team is stumped. She is blown away that we can't figure out what is wrong with her, and we feel the same way. Labs, imaging, consult teams - all coming up empty.


Keep reading on the next page...

Strict ins and outs, strict dietary restrictions, everything we can think of.

Janitor comes in by chance and is pissed he has to change the paper towels "so many goddamn times" in this one room. It seems like the whole floor is stealing them from her.

Sure enough, the patient has been eating about 2,500 paper towels per 24hrs.

Psych team comes for the obligatory consult, and of course she is mute. How do we get her to talk? One paper towel at a time.

-missing18minutes

7/17. I once saw a high school aged kid come in with a dinner candle stuck in his rectum. He reportedly was using it to reach an itch.

via GIPHY

Apparently the itch was in his spleen because that thing was deep. Mom told me the story, and how she had previously asked him to not itch himself with other things of hers.

I didn't ask for any more details. I honestly think she believed that he was just really itchy.

-Smeeee

8/17. Not a doctor but an EMT. I had a guy who tried to tell us he fell while playing softball and hurt his ribs and arm. This was ten o'clock at night.

Come to find out, he tried to screw his drug dealer out of some money and the guy chased him down with a bat and beat him with it. So I guess he was kind of playing hardball.

-Oodles_of_noodles_

9/17. A case of teenage pregnancy, where Madame Momma was present. Patient presented with amenorrhea and fatigue initially.

Patient became visibly annoyed when the first test suggested is a pregnancy test. Patient (and mother) insisted that she never had sexual intercourse. Angrily, if I may add, even when the test results turned back as positive.

"No, no, you QUACK. I'm tellin' you she never had no sex!"

via GIPHY

-Lampyris

More cases on the next page...

10/17. Not a Dr. But in Afghanistan our platoon set up a medical clinic for a day with a bunch of our medics at this remote village.

We had, I kid you not, 24 males come forward needing cream or antibiotics for some gential infection. Our medics weren't 100% sure what it was but did the best they could.

Talking to our Afghan interpreter later, he said nearly all of the males who had the penis infections were, you guessed it, goat herders...

-GunsOfNavarone

11/17. Lady presented multiple times requiring admission for systemic infection found to be a weird ameobiasis. Docs were very confused. This was in the middle of a US suburban area.

Eventually we figured out that she was drinking the water from her fish tank.

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-killdevil

12/17. When I was a fourth-year medical student, doing a rotation at the veterans administration hospital, a patient came to the emergency room complaining of stomach pain.

We did an x-ray, which showed 2 toothbrushes in his stomach. He explained to us that he had The sensation that there was something on the back of his throat, and used his toothbrush to try to get rid of it and accidentally swallowed the toothbrush. The same thing happened with the second one.

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We consulted gastroenterology, and the toothbrushes were removed via endoscopy. He was admitted to the hospital for observation overnight. The next morning he complained of stomach pain again.


Keep reading on the next page!

A follow-up x-ray revealed that he had swallowed his entire convenience kit at the hospital, including the small toothbrush, small tube of toothpaste, and even his plastic razor.

Needless to say, we called psychiatry for consultation. It turns out this was not the first episode for this guy. He just liked to swallow things.

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-Afterbirthsoup

13/17. I work in the the lab. The pathology department gets the foreign body items removed from a patient's body after surgery. Most recent one was a chorizo sausage. Glad I wasn't there that day.

-rayray1214

14/17. We had a pastor from a local mega-church come in with 28 inches of pool noodle up his *ss. Had to go into surgery to have his colon and small intestine repaired. Said he needed to get home before his wife came back from Europe so she wouldn't find out what the "devil" was making him do while she wasn't around.

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-NarcanBlowgun

15/17. An old woman came into the ER with a high fever, abdominal pain, dizziness, etc. She's showing signs of toxic shock syndrome (like when you leave a tampon in too long).

So the doctor decides to check the woman to make sure nothing got stuck up there. Sure enough, she looks up there and half sh*ts her pants when she sees two beady little eyes staring back at her!


Keep reading on the next page...

The doctor begins to pull it out, to which the old woman responds, "put it back!"

Turns out the old woman (well past menopause) had gone to a witch doctor to help her get pregnant. Her recommendation: put a (now dead) turtle up there for a few days and she'd regain the ability to get pregnant.

-Cmonster194

16/17. I drug tested a patient who should test positive for opiates as I had prescribed them. The urine looked totally normal but the test came back bizarre.

Had an insanely high specific gravity (means there was a lot of stuff dissolved in it), sample was positive for opiates but had zero confirmatory metabolites (what your body turns the drug into) in it.

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It took me a couple minutes to figure out how this was possible. The patient was selling their pills instead of taking them, and didnt want to get caught. They crushed up the pill and put it into the urine.

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-viridianlion

17/17. Patient came in complaining of abdominal pain.

Ultrasound revealed a belly full of blood; ruptured spleen. Ran back to surgery, encased spleen in mesh, stabilized.

On waking, patient confesses that he was cheating with another mans wife, man came home, ran patient over with his truck. Patient attempted to walk it off, went home and bled internally for a while, then came to the hospital hours later.

-Saint947

(Source)

Image by Anemone123 from Pixabay

Life is hard. It's a miracle to make it through with some semblance of sanity. We are all plagued by grief and trauma. More and more people of all backgrounds are opening up about personal trauma and its origins. Finally! For far too long we've been too silent on this topic. And with so many people unable to afford mental health care, the outcomes can be damaging.

All of our childhoods have ups and downs and memories that can play out like nightmares. We carry that, or it follows us and the first step in recovery is talking about it. So who feels strong enough to speak?

Redditor u/nthn_thms wanted to see who was willing to share about things they'd probably rather forget, by asking:

What's the most traumatizing thing you experienced as a child?
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Image by klimkin from Pixabay

Being single can be fun. In fact, in this time of COVID, being single can save lives. But the heart is a fickle creature.

And being alone can really suck in times of turmoil. None of us are perfect and it feels like that's all anyone is looking for... perfect.

Now that doesn't mean that all of us are making it difficult to partner up. Sure, some people are too picky and mean-spirited, but some of the rest of us are crazy and too much to handle. So one has to be sure.

The truth is, being single is confusing, no matter how much we try to match. So let's try to understand...

Redditor u/Mcxyn wanted to discuss some truths about love and our own issues, by asking:

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Tiard Schulz/Unsplash

Whether you're an at home parent, a college student just leaving the nest, or a Food Network junkie, there are a few basic tips that everyone should know.

Chef's gave us some of their top tips for amateurs and beginner at home cooks that will really make a difference. They are trained professionals with years of experience in the kitchen, so they definitely know what we're all missing.

If you're looking to improve some of your cooking skills and techniques, but you're still learning how to boil water correctly, this list is for you.

Redditor BigBadWolf44 wanted in on the secrets and asked:

"Chefs of Reddit, what's one rule of cooking amateurs need to know?"

Let's learn from the masters!


What a common mistake!

"A lot of the time when people add salt to a dish because they think it tastes flat, what it really needs is an acid like lemon juice or vinegar."

- Vexvertigo

"Instructions unclear I drugged my dinner party guests and now they're high on acid."

- itsyoboi_human

"Yes! Or tomatoes. They're pretty acidic too and go with so many things. Our dinners are so much better once the garden tomatoes are ripe. Or if a dish is too acidic, oil/butter or a little sugar can help add balance to it."

- darkhorse85

"Like tomato and eggs. Every Chinese mom makes those slightly differently and I haven't had a tomato egg dish I didn't like yet."

- random314

"There's a book called 'Salt Fat Acid Heat' that comes highly recommended to amateur cooks."

- Osolemia

"Reading even just the first chapter about salt made a lot of food I cooked immediately better, because I finally understood salt wasn't just that thing that sat on the dinner table that you applied after the meal was cooked."

- VaultBoy42

"Salt is important for sweets. A batch of cookies without that little hint of salt doesn't taste quite right."

- Osolemia

Unfortunately, this tip might not be accessible to everyone. Many people who contracted COVID can no longer use their sense of smell the way they used to.

"Have a friend that lost his smell from COVID, and now he only recognizes if food is salty, sweet, sour or bitter."

- AlphaLaufert99

"Just wait until he gets his sense of smell back and a ton of foods smell like ammonia or literal garbage now. Yeah, that's fun... It's been 7 months for f*cks sake just let me enjoy peanut butter again!!!!!!!!!"

- MirzaAbdullahKhan

You can't take back what you've already put in.

"You can always add, but you cannot take away."

- El_Duende666

"I find people's problems usually are they're too scared to add rather than they add too much."

- FreeReflection25

"I see you also grew up white in the mid-west."

- Snatch_Pastry

Safety first!

"Not really a cooking tip, but a law of the kitchen: A falling knife has no handle."

- wooddog

"I'm always so proud of my reflexes for not kicking in when I fumble a knife."

"If I drop anything else, my stupid hands are all over themselves trying to catch it (and often failing). But with a knife the hardwired automatic reaction is jump back immediately. Fingers out of the way, feet out of the way, everything out of the way. Good lookin out, cerebellum!"

- sonyka

"Speaking of KICKING in. On first full time cooking job I had a knife spin and fall off the counter. My (stupid) reflex was to put my foot under it like a damn hacky sack to keep it from hitting the ground. Went through the shoe, somehow between my toes, into the sole somehow without cutting me. Lessons learned: (1) let it fall; (2) never set a knife down close to the edge or with the handle sticking out; (3) hacky sack is not nearly as cool as it could be."

- AdjNounNumbers

"Similarly, NEVER put out a grease or oil fire with water. Smother with a lid or dump baking soda in there (do not use flour, as it can combust in the air making things worse)."

- Metallic_Substance

How else will you know it tastes good?

"Taste the food."

- OAKRAIDER64

"Also don't be afraid to poke and prod at it. I feel like people think the process is sacred and you can't shape/flip/feel/touch things while you cook them. The more you are hands on, the more control you have."

"No, this does not include situations where you are trying to sear something. Ever try flipping a chicken thigh early? That's how you rip a chunk out of it and leave it glued to the pan until it's burnt."

- Kryzm

Here's one just for laughs.

"When you grab a pair of tongs, click them a few times to make sure they are tongs."

- Kolshdaddy

"People really overlook this one. You've gotta tong the tongs a minimum of 3 times to make sure they tong, or else it can ruin the whole dish."

- BigTimeBobbyB

If you're looking to get into cooking or to improve you technique, pay attention to these few tips.

Salt generously, add an acid to brighten things up, and don't forget to taste your food!

If all else fails, you can always order take out.

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

Victoria_Borodinova/Pixaba

As part of the learning process, children often do embarrassing things before they learn a little more about the world and all the different implications therein. While the inappropriate moment is usually minor and ends in laugher some instances are truly mortifying.

One such instance involved a little sister who was around 6 at the time. It was the 90s and at the height of the youth-focused PSAs (think the frying egg representing your brain). One type was a safety PSA about stranger danger. The speaker would remind the children that if a stranger tried to take you anywhere to yell “Stop, you're not my mommy/daddy" to raise the alarm.

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