Spoiler alert: you should just tell the doctor what really happened. For one thing, they're only trying to help. And for another, they have access to an x-ray machine.
Source at the end of the article.
1/17. Woman came in with $9,000 in cash which she had wrapped in plastic and shoved up her hoo-hoo. Her acids disintegrated the plastic wrap, and she had to be anaesthetised to get it all out. $20s and $50s.
-Dr_Snow
2/17. I admitted a guy for pneumonia, which was odd because he was young and strapping, no other medical issues, x-ray didn't look quite right. The pieces just didn't add up, so I started questioning him more closely.
Do you use any drugs? "Drugs! That's disgusting. I'm no f*cking druggie! I've never touched drugs in my life."
I move on to other questions and suddenly: "Look, doc, I just want you to know I may have used cocaine once or twice years and years ago. I just snorted it though. That wouldn't cause this, right?"
Me: How long ago?
Patient: Like ten years, maybe longer.
Me: It shouldn't be affecting you after this long.
Patient: More like five.
Me: Years?
Patient: Uh, like five months ago.
This goes on forever, until he admits he just got off a massive crack binge the day before, where he spent the past three days in a hotel with some women smoking crack non-stop. He finishes with: "But I don't want you to think I'm one of those dirty druggies."
No, I think you're the idiot who lied and was getting treated for pneumonia instead of getting the proper treatment for crack lung, which is what he had.
Here's a tip: I genuinely don't care. I'm not your momma, your spouse, or your priest. Don't waste my time and endanger your health spewing bullsh*t. Whatever horrible twisted thing you think is too shameful to talk about, I promise you, I've seen worse.
-glumapple
More cases on the next page...
3/17. A patient came in with chest pain. Said they'd fallen and hit their chest on a table. Xray was performed to evaluate for a rib fracture or collapsed lung.
The xray instead showed a long metallic foreign body in the left chest, within the heart. When questioned further the patient admitted to lying, and that they'd actually shot themselves in the chest with a nail gun.
The wound was not bleeding nor really noticeable. They were taken to the operating room and did quite well after open heart surgery.
-Smeeee
4/17. Actual conversation I had with a guy a week ago.
Any past medical history?
"High blood pressure. That's it"
No other history?
"Nope. That's it."
(Proceed to take off his shirt.)
Sir. What is that huge scar on your chest?
"Oh that's from my triple bypass."
That's medical history sir. Anything else you want to add in now?
"Oh does congestive heart failure and diabetes count? I have those also."
-YouarenotLaBoeuf
5/17. Guy came in with burns to his entire willy. He tried to say he got it by trying to shoplift a hot bbq chicken from a deli down his pants. What he was really doing was f*cking the chicken.
-SpinningDespina
6/17. Internal medicine ward outside of NYC. 55 y/o lady was mute in the ER, but severely constipated. Severe abdominal pain, needed rectal disimpaction and more than just an acute workup, so gets admitted reluctantly to surgery.
Next morning on rounds she is talking a mile a minute - full of detail about her diet and symptoms and family, etc.
Afternoon - back to mute, and back to abdominal pain and constipation. Two more days - same pattern. Team is stumped. She is blown away that we can't figure out what is wrong with her, and we feel the same way. Labs, imaging, consult teams - all coming up empty.
Keep reading on the next page...
Strict ins and outs, strict dietary restrictions, everything we can think of.
Janitor comes in by chance and is pissed he has to change the paper towels "so many goddamn times" in this one room. It seems like the whole floor is stealing them from her.
Sure enough, the patient has been eating about 2,500 paper towels per 24hrs.
Psych team comes for the obligatory consult, and of course she is mute. How do we get her to talk? One paper towel at a time.
-missing18minutes
7/17. I once saw a high school aged kid come in with a dinner candle stuck in his rectum. He reportedly was using it to reach an itch.
Apparently the itch was in his spleen because that thing was deep. Mom told me the story, and how she had previously asked him to not itch himself with other things of hers.
I didn't ask for any more details. I honestly think she believed that he was just really itchy.
-Smeeee
8/17. Not a doctor but an EMT. I had a guy who tried to tell us he fell while playing softball and hurt his ribs and arm. This was ten o'clock at night.
Come to find out, he tried to screw his drug dealer out of some money and the guy chased him down with a bat and beat him with it. So I guess he was kind of playing hardball.
-Oodles_of_noodles_
9/17. A case of teenage pregnancy, where Madame Momma was present. Patient presented with amenorrhea and fatigue initially.
Patient became visibly annoyed when the first test suggested is a pregnancy test. Patient (and mother) insisted that she never had sexual intercourse. Angrily, if I may add, even when the test results turned back as positive.
"No, no, you QUACK. I'm tellin' you she never had no sex!"
-Lampyris
More cases on the next page...
10/17. Not a Dr. But in Afghanistan our platoon set up a medical clinic for a day with a bunch of our medics at this remote village.
We had, I kid you not, 24 males come forward needing cream or antibiotics for some gential infection. Our medics weren't 100% sure what it was but did the best they could.
Talking to our Afghan interpreter later, he said nearly all of the males who had the penis infections were, you guessed it, goat herders...
-GunsOfNavarone
11/17. Lady presented multiple times requiring admission for systemic infection found to be a weird ameobiasis. Docs were very confused. This was in the middle of a US suburban area.
Eventually we figured out that she was drinking the water from her fish tank.
-killdevil
12/17. When I was a fourth-year medical student, doing a rotation at the veterans administration hospital, a patient came to the emergency room complaining of stomach pain.
We did an x-ray, which showed 2 toothbrushes in his stomach. He explained to us that he had The sensation that there was something on the back of his throat, and used his toothbrush to try to get rid of it and accidentally swallowed the toothbrush. The same thing happened with the second one.
We consulted gastroenterology, and the toothbrushes were removed via endoscopy. He was admitted to the hospital for observation overnight. The next morning he complained of stomach pain again.
Keep reading on the next page!
A follow-up x-ray revealed that he had swallowed his entire convenience kit at the hospital, including the small toothbrush, small tube of toothpaste, and even his plastic razor.
Needless to say, we called psychiatry for consultation. It turns out this was not the first episode for this guy. He just liked to swallow things.
-Afterbirthsoup
13/17. I work in the the lab. The pathology department gets the foreign body items removed from a patient's body after surgery. Most recent one was a chorizo sausage. Glad I wasn't there that day.
-rayray1214
14/17. We had a pastor from a local mega-church come in with 28 inches of pool noodle up his *ss. Had to go into surgery to have his colon and small intestine repaired. Said he needed to get home before his wife came back from Europe so she wouldn't find out what the "devil" was making him do while she wasn't around.
-NarcanBlowgun
15/17. An old woman came into the ER with a high fever, abdominal pain, dizziness, etc. She's showing signs of toxic shock syndrome (like when you leave a tampon in too long).
So the doctor decides to check the woman to make sure nothing got stuck up there. Sure enough, she looks up there and half sh*ts her pants when she sees two beady little eyes staring back at her!
Keep reading on the next page...
The doctor begins to pull it out, to which the old woman responds, "put it back!"
Turns out the old woman (well past menopause) had gone to a witch doctor to help her get pregnant. Her recommendation: put a (now dead) turtle up there for a few days and she'd regain the ability to get pregnant.
-Cmonster194
16/17. I drug tested a patient who should test positive for opiates as I had prescribed them. The urine looked totally normal but the test came back bizarre.
Had an insanely high specific gravity (means there was a lot of stuff dissolved in it), sample was positive for opiates but had zero confirmatory metabolites (what your body turns the drug into) in it.
It took me a couple minutes to figure out how this was possible. The patient was selling their pills instead of taking them, and didnt want to get caught. They crushed up the pill and put it into the urine.
-viridianlion
17/17. Patient came in complaining of abdominal pain.
Ultrasound revealed a belly full of blood; ruptured spleen. Ran back to surgery, encased spleen in mesh, stabilized.
On waking, patient confesses that he was cheating with another mans wife, man came home, ran patient over with his truck. Patient attempted to walk it off, went home and bled internally for a while, then came to the hospital hours later.
-Saint947
Not all television and movies are loved by all.
A story and its characters have to appeal to you in order for you to be engaged.
It can take next to nothing for us to lose interest and let the screen go black.
Redditor BarooTangClan wanted to compare notes on all the entertainment we've said "that's enough" to.
"What will make you instantly stop watching a movie or show and why?"
I hate bad acting, writing, storytelling... I hate bad anything.
Stop Jumping
"Fight scenes with a million visual cuts. Gives me motion sickness. Contrast the absolutely masterful work in John Wick. long cuts, realistic use of weapons (mostly), 100% skill."
StabbyPants
Louder
"When the actors whisper the whole movie and you have to crank the volume to hear what's being said - but the soundtrack or some other misc noise starts blaring at a higher volume directly after."
Blaze*itch
"I basically had to watch Stranger Things up in my attic with the windows and doors closed. I was worried the neighbors would think something was wrong or be annoyed if I watched it downstairs in my single family home. It was ridiculous."
ForecastForFourCats
"spice things up"
"Love triangles out of no where in a second or third season to 'spice things up' because studio writers are hacks and their idea of relationship drama is 'potential infidelity' at all times. It's the most tired trope on the go**amn planet and the second I see it rear its head I dip right the hell out."
amalgamas
"The whole concept of a love triangle to begin with an incredibly juvenile. Any healthy functioning adult who found themselves in a love triangle would soon choose to find themselves single."
Ouch_i_fell_down
Save your lips...
"When couples in a movie/show have a fight and one of them instantly goes to a friend and end up kissing her/him after talking for 5 minutes. I cringe so hard i turn it off and never watch it again."
Dry-Mycologist3966
"This pissed me off so much in Manifest. Girl is desperate to get back her ex-fiancé, he finally breaks up with his wife to get back with her and she's like 'nah, it's not fair to your wife, let me do this other dude I just met through a calling and be pissed at you for being jealous.' Michaela was the worst and everyone acted as if she were a saint the entire time."
gingerisla
Talk to Me
"Shows where a single polite conversation could fix everything."
Horror_Librarian_133
We are going overboard with the witty repartee. Talk normal...
Shut Up
"Annoying main character, especially if it's a kid."
abananation
"Kids who have a quippy, sassy retort to everything, and everyone just kind of crumbles before their wit."
CarpetPure7924
Speak Good
"Shows where kids in high school talk like they are 30 years olds who have done everything, been everywhere, know it all and use a ridiculously flowery and extensive vocabulary in every conversation. Like, have any of these writers ever been to high school? Literally no one talks like that. Even worse is when, in addition to this, all the adults talk normal or are just plain stupid, like so weird parallel universe."
StretchArmstrong74
Nonsense
"If the movie is too dark. Not graphic, just literally dark. I lose all sense of intensity in dark scenes and I'm not straining my damn eyes trying to figure out what the hell is going on."
TheShadowOfKaos
"I've seen about 10 percent of all DC movies recently. I've seen all of the individual films in full, just actually saw 10% of each of them."
Mortlach78
"Movies in the late 80s had a lot of dark but you could see the depth because of different shooting techniques. Now you cant see crap because its a CGI fest drowned in black color so you can't see crap because you have no depth in a scene. Compare night scenes in dark alleys in 80's movies and movies now. Utter crap show in the new ones."
Bombzey
Pay Attention Storytellers
"Bad editing would be a big one. A lot of modern horror movies can't help but edit the movies like they're trailers, with added noises to scare the audience because they are afraid the script alone isn't enough to keep people watching."
ThisIsCreation
"I remember this is where the first transformers movie lost me. When the transformers are fighting at the end, it's all a big, jumbled mess of metal and I can barely tell what's going on or who is who."
1840_NO
Drama
"When they go straight to relationship drama right away when it wasn't the selling point of the show."
LightInthewater
Do better, Hollywood. It's not that hard.
I fear death.
I wake up in cold sweats dreaming about it.
I think about it in my waking hours.
It's an obsession and clearly, I'm not alone.
But there are more preferred ways to exit.
All we can do is hope to be lucky enough to skip the mercilessly awful.
Please just let me go quick and in my sleep.
RedditorCallMehRiverwanted to hear about all the ways none of us what to leave this life.
"What Do You Think Would Be The Worst Death Imaginable?"
My list of the worst deaths is long. My imagination runs amok.
Trapped
"For me? Being trapped in a small tube or cave (like the ones you have to wiggle through) and getting stuck to where you can’t move your arms. And all you can do is wait to die. I’m getting chills just thinking about it."
Stuck
"The more I hear about cavers that get stuck, the more I think that's a crap way to go."
- braydenmaine
"There’s a great YouTube channel called Ask a Mortician and this was her #1 worse way to die. I can’t remember the exact details or their names, but two well-known divers went into an underwater cave."
"One of them became entangled and died. Years later, his friend dives back down there to try and retrieve his body, the body itself is rotten and his head comes off and the other guy also becomes tangled and dies. Really sad."
- melancholybuzzard
A Long Process
"Believed to be in a coma but coherent through the whole 20 year process until they pull the plug."
weebeardedman
"Oh man this just reminded me of a story I read on here about a guy who lost the ability to move and speak but was completely conscious. Had to just lay there and be awake but trapped in a useless body. His family thought he was brain dead or something and he couldn’t communicate to them that he was 'all there.' Crazy"
habeeb51
Slow & Steady
"Being slowly impaled by a growing bamboo. It was a form of torture probably used by the japanese during WW2 against Allied prisoners."
JazzySocrate
"My uncle who served back in the day said that people would have the bamboo slipped under their fingernails because it would continue to grow still. It would just continue growing into the body."
Payness0826
Excruciating
"Rabies."
Santolmo
"The scariest part is that once you have symptoms, you 100% will die. A 100% mortality rate has to be a psychological torture in itself."
RonaldRawdog
"Not only that, you feel irrational fear. Your brain is literally being eaten apart by the virus and it fu*ks up everything on it. You can't drink water because it hurts you. You feel dizzy, present a fever, excessively salivate, everything hurts and it only gets worse. I'd rather take a bullet and die when the symptoms are still tolerable."
Santolmo
Why can't we all just go engulfed in calm and quiet?
Suspended
"Some pulpy sci-fi book I read a while back had one of the best deaths of this real piece of crap bad guy. Left to die in a drowning sea lab under the Antarctic ice, he freezes himself in a state of the art suspended animation pod with some kind cold fusion power source that would keep it running for millions of years."
"But he forgot to inject himself with the drug that would put him to sleep. So basically he is in suspended animation at the bottom of the Antarctic ocean while his mind is perfectly awake and conscious in a near unbreakable machine that won't run out of power for millions of years and nobody knows about it."
DubiousAlibi
No Cure
"As an RN I have always thought that the worst way to die (natural process) is ALS. Lou Gehrig's Disease."
randymn1963
"My mom and grandmother have Huntington's disease, which is essentially ALS, Alzheimer's, and Dementia combined into one really messed up genetic disease. I have a 50% chance of inheriting it and if I hit 40 and there's still no cure I can't promise I'll feel like continuing on with my life because that disease is absolutely freaking miserable."
DevTheDummy
Agony...
"Radiation poisoning."
binhan123ad
"The fact your chromosomes can be so destroyed your body basically lost it's genetic code and with it the ability to make any new cells. It's literally a 'dead man walking' and you slowly rot away in agony. Stuff is so unimaginably f**ked up."
yea_nah448
"What's also bad about radiation is that it affects your nerves and brain cells last, so you have everything in place to feel all the pain of the rest of your cells being destroyed."
nosmelc
Goo
"I want to believe anything that slowly kills you painfully to be the worst. Such as slowly being crushed or something where the pain is beyond compare and yet not enough to throw you into shock or unconsciousness."
Beardless_Man
"Alternatively, being rapidly crushed into goo would probably be the least painful. I'm talking one of those massive industrial hammers they use for large steel work. Basically smooshed before the nerve signals make it to the brain."
Bannon9k
Now I'll never sleep again without nightmares of death.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
Foreigners Explain Which Stereotypically American Things They've Always Wanted To Try
Most Americans think nothing of their humdrum daily activities or amenities available to them.
However, others with a different perspective might romanticize the things that are otherwise commonplace ideas and concepts for US citizens, like going to a diner or riding the school bus.
One Redditor looked to foreigners to hear of their American desires to respond to the following:
"Non-Americans of Reddit: what is an American thing you have always wanted to try?"
The things depicted in film really captivated foreign audiences.
Casual Dining
"To visit a diner like in the movies. In the middle of the night, it’s raining and just a few people there with great music from a jukebox."
– TotalAd6225
Iconic Student Transport
"Ride a yellow school bus even if I'm too old. Growing up I always loved seeing them on TV."
– infiresemo
Just Like The Ones We Used To Know
"A white Christmas."
"Living in an Australian state where I've never even seen snow in our winter, let alone experiencing that classic Hallmark movie moment of waking up to a street full of it and sitting around a fireplace while opening gifts/preparing a feast."
"Guess it's not strictly American, but the imagery and trope is something I've only really seen from American Films."
– Stoibs
They may be ubiquitous for us, but they sure seem to be novel ideas to foreigners.
Let's Be Frank
"One of the hotdogs from those little street cart things."
– Who_is_lost
Kitchen Marvel
"A friend of mine from Indonesia said, 'the food chewer in the sink.'"
"Garbage disposal."
– Mnemonic22
American Pie
"Apple Pie made by white-haired grandma, placed near window, who says 'oh dear...' as I levitate towards it."
– MegaJoltik
Pre-Game Ritual
"Proper tailgating before a ball game, the kind where there's ribs and stuff."
– SpiralToNowhere
Fried Delicacies
"Deep fried foods at a state fair. I'm from Scotland and we love to deep fry everything and I wanna know if it's just as good or better."
– fenrisulfr94
There are places to see!
Places To See
"National parks."
– nhungoc1508
"America’s greatest invention!"
– nhungoc1508
Backpacking In Nature
"I always wanted to hike The Appalachian Trail if that counts. Or see Yellowstone."
– EphemeralRemedy
New Chapters
"Being able to start a whole new life 'elsewhere' without having to leave my country and going through an arduous immigration process."
– Gmtfoegy
My cousin told me she looks forward to visiting a Trader Joe's someday when she visits America for the first time.
Her bucket list option was hardly surprising. My parents used to bring treats from TJs as a novelty souvenir gift item, and my relatives ate it up. Literally.
Let's face it. The snacks at TJs rocks.
Even store locations in New York City would have ridiculously long lines during busy hours because the West-coast-based grocer was a novelty on the East Coast.
Many people work hard from the moment they are on the clock until their respective shifts are over at the end of a long day.
For many of those in the workforce, the wages barely sustain a comfortable living, especially for those who are raising a family.
Yet, there are jobs that are known to pay a higher salary without requiring extreme physical labor, or the requirement of higher education.
Curious to hear what those jobs might be, Redditor ImAMasterBayter asked:
"People Break Down Which Professions Are Completely Overpaid"
Extensive training requirements are not a thing, apparently, with these professions.
Daily Dairy Duty
"I watch milk powder go into a bag and out on a conveyor and get paid $37 an hour."
– Stacwe3
Eyeing Dirt In Motion
"Mine? I get paid $20.50 a hr to watch dirt go by on a belt all day."
– trudmer
The Handy Man Is Happy To Help
"I am a handy man that charges $50/hr with a 3hr minimum, a couple months ago I got a call for service that consisted of changing 9 smoke detector batteries, 2 light bulbs, and rehanging a picture. I felt bad taking the money but the guy couldn’t have been happier to have that stuff finally done. He asked for my card and is now a very good client."
– iznmehra
Words From An Appraiser
"I make about 40 an hour after tax in the US as a real estate appraiser. You just need a college degree and a year of training and there is a huge shortage of appraisers right now."
"Edit because this post blew up: I only perceive this job as being overpaid because I used spent most of my 20's making pizza for minimum wage and imposter syndrome is a thing. Also, OP said he was looking for a possible career, and I felt like my job post was better than a troll post."
"Appraisers are not real estate agents or brokers. I do not buy or sell property."
"I do not, 'look at zillow and copy the number' and I don't just, 'make the number' in valuation. While I agree there are some appraisers who may lie or exaggerate, the same could be said of nearly any job. However, if I were to intentionally try hit some goal and got caught fudging the numbers, I'm looking at permanently losing my license and possible jail time depending on the severity. It's actually pretty common for me to, 'tank a deal' if someone is paying too much. This isn't the wild west of valuation anymore; FIRREA is a thing now. Appraisal reports aren't just 3 pages of photos with a cover page anymore; my typical appraisal is 30-50 pages with long boring typed pages of market data that I type and research myself."
"Let's talk about the appraisal gap. In most of the US, we are experiencing a, 'sellers market' meaning houses are selling for higher than what they normally sell for. A lot of people at this thread are blaming appraisers for driving housing prices up. Let me be perfectly clear about this: appraiser's valuations are based off of past data. That is it; we look at closed sales from the past. Realtors and brokers speculate on future markets, because they are motivated by profit. If anyone is driving this current market trend, it is the people buying properties over listing price, local government/laws willingness to allow foreign investors, the people who are raising rents, and the people who are making big risky developments. The appraisers have little to nothing to do with market perception of value; in my area at least many market participants are paying over 30% of listing price. Trust me when I say these people are not satisfied when my appraised value comes in less than that."
"The hardest part of the job is definitely the occasional angry phone call. Let's look at an example. Say someone lists their house at 100k, and they accept an offer for 150k, or 50% over listing. Well the appraisal is based off of past closed sales. The bank will only finance up to the appraised value. So if the appraisal comes in at 110k, meaning the subject in relation to comparable sales from the past year in the subject neighborhood equate to roughly 110k, they will either need to renegotiate the price, or be willing to put up 40k of their own money."
"In a sellers market, it's often better to accept a deal with better financing than a higher price. Let's say in this situation instead of taking the 150k offer with a mortgage, you take a smaller offer for 140k that is all cash, no financing. Well if there is no financing involved, meaning no bank, than no appraisal is needed."
– f4gmo
Landing work in software seems to be like hitting the jackpot of success.
High Commissions
"I’m in software sales, software sales. Coworker got 100k commission on a deal."
– The_GOATest1
So-Called Analysts
"There are an incredible amount of 'analysts' who just 'own' automated excel sheets they received from developer teams."
"Low to mid six figures is common in HCOL areas."
– Shoddy_Bus4679
The Successful Client
"I do the tax returns for a guy who paid 20k for demographic research software and made something like 40M over the last 3 years. His costs are almost nothing and admitted he does like 5 hours of work a week on it."
"I got more likes and comments than I thought I would, and wanted to add some more detail. The guy himself is super nice and easy to work with. It's hard not to feel jealous even though I make good money myself. His business and personal returns are super simple so we don't even charge him that much for them."
"The software is something proprietary he paid a third party for, and I don't know the name of that developer. The data output is sold to political campaigns and he's compensated more if the campaign wins. He did have some clients on both sides but now exclusively works on one side of the aisle."
– Todders8787
Salaries in the world of academics got a closer inspection.
The Administrators
"University administrators and board members."
– MayBeckByDay
A Stark Contrast
"I'm a professor. I love it. But the 'president's office' contains a staff of 5 people with a total payroll of just under $500k/year. Meanwhile, all the PhDs, MFAs, and DMAs who teach all the classes, advise all the students, and serve on all the committees bring home a whopping $50k-$65k/year, dependent on rank, tenure, etc. It's real fun...
– LPHaddleburg
Unfair Privileges
"The president of my institution makes a approximately $500k/year and is provided a house on campus alongside reserved parking if he so chooses to use it. He also gets a country club membership. Meanwhile I have to pay $200 to park at the school where I TA and do research, and I get paid maybe 1/20th of what he does. I genuinely do not understand why the f'k the dude who makes six figures doesn't pay for parking, but I do."
"Edit: that should be half a million."
– DADPATROL
Some of the cushiest jobs that require less time actively toiling away seem to be paying significantly more than the average livable wage offered in the US.
Perhaps the biggest indicator of what that might be was summed up best by Redditor iadasr, who said:
"Whatever you guys are all doing that lets you browse Reddit all day..."
Word.