Be it in passing down the street, in the waiting room of a doctor's office, or at the table next to ours at a restaurant, we've all raised our eyebrows at the way some people behave.
Knowing that we would never say or do whatever they were doing in public... and unable to believe they would do the same.
For the most part though, once our eyebrow is lowered, we don't give what we witnessed much thought.
Unless, of course, we witness them doing so shockingly outrageous, that we still can't process what we just saw.
No matter how hard we may try, we still can't make any sense of it.
Redditor Harambeisthecause was curious to hear about things people witnessed that still makes them unable to sleep at night, leading them to ask:
"Whats the most deranged thing you have ever seen anyone do?"
One Imagines Eye Doctors see All Kinds Of Things...
"Eye doctor here."
"Where shall I begin?"
"I remember one young lady who came in for a routine visit but her eyelids were very swollen from her fake eyelashes."
"The adhesive was laid on THICK and was literally blocking her gland orifaces and causing massive infection of both eyelids."
"Despite the severe swelling, she didn’t seem particularly fazed."
"It wasn’t even her reason for visit."
"I looked at her under the lamp, then told her that those lashes are going to need to go."
"So I turn around to grab some petroleum jelly and some q-tips to work those adhesive clumps off slowly when I start hearing what sounds like Velcro being torn apart."
"I turn around and she ripped out both top lids of fake lashes including every single natural lash she had."
"It was a startlingly clean job and she just looked at me completely bald-eyed and said 'okay now what?'"
"Don’t forget, they were infected and swollen."
"Well, now they were even more swollen and had a ton of ripped off lash stumps."
"So I prescribed her antibiotics and told her that her lashes would probably grow back over the next few weeks."-OscarDivine
Fred Armisen Lol GIF by IFCGiphyShe Couldn't Have At Least Done It So Her Mother Couldn't Hear?!?!
"Worked in an ICU."
"The patient was being asked their goals of care and if they wanted to be resuscitated, the patient said yes."
"Her daughter said no."
"The attending said, 'well your mom is still competent so we have to follow her wishes'."
"The daughter pulled the doctor aside and said, 'why don't you just give her some medications to put her to sleep, she won't be competent and then my word goes and you pull the plug?'"
"Silence for a while and then the attending just said no we don't do that."
"Very slowly and escorted the daughter out of the room."
"The patient made it out of the hospital ok that time anyway."
"I sometimes wonder how she did after that."- bobbi21
It Never Pays To Show Off
"Gal I went to culinary school with, early 90’s, all of a sudden started juggling her knives in the hall between classes in front of one of the chef instructors."
"Yes, she immediately had her 8” chef knife stuck 3 inches in the middle of her palm."
"Chef just sighed, shook his head and pushed the gal to the office to get her to the ER."- MissMurderpants
One Hopes He wasn't Trying To Suggest Something...
"I was sitting at a cafe once when a man sitting a few tables away from me, locked eyes with me."
"Maintaining eye contact, he leaned over to the vase of pussywillow stems decorating the table, and munched them."
"Just took a whole bite of twig and fuzzy willow bud."- crospingtonfrotz
What The Actual...
"In a nightclub in the late eighties."
"Bloke sitting at a table on his own."
"He poured what he had left in his pint glass onto the floor, then took a bite out of the glass."
"Glass severed his top lip."
"He then sat there bleeding into the glass."
"There was a lot of blood! Not pretty!"- Cyber5c0u7
How Did He Even Get There Though?
"Saw a guy stumble safely across 3 out of 4 lanes of high-speed traffic."- salvadordaliparton69
i'm coming season 1 GIF by Good Girls RevoltGiphyOne Imagines The Beginning And The End Were Related...
"Restaurant kitchen, middle of the busiest night of the year, something went wrong, not sure what but I'm pretty sure it was a fairly small setback."
"Sous Chef goes BALLISTIC screams at some people then reaches bare-handed into the blast oven and grabs out two scorching hot bowls of baked soup, RUINS his hands, and throws them into the window with the skin from his palms visibly stuck to it in places."
"He immediately calms down, walks off the line to treat his hands, came back out to try and direct from the front for a bit, then at some point just went home without saying anything."
"Came back a week or two later divorced from his wife."- McCheeseTruther
Let's Hope She's Getting The Help She Needs
"I had a younger cousin who I was absolutely scared of when I was younger."
"Refused to be alone with her, stopped tagging along to holidays in their area."
"The kind of kid that pulled out a box of crickets under her bed to show me how she pulled off their legs and put tacks through them."
"She cut my hair in my sleep during a sleep over."
"She flattened her mom's tire once bc she wouldn't take us to a movie."
"She was about 7."
"Last I heard she was in therapy and living with the grandparents today, mom couldn't handle her."- Junimo_Tea
What was She Hoping To Accomplish?
"I saw a woman at a retail store lay in the floor and turn an empty shopping cart on top of her then proceeded to start screaming like she was in pain."
"I promptly told the manager she had staged the whole thing."- Impressive-Floor-700
zach galifianakis dale GIF by BasketsFXGiphyHow Would That Even Be Possible?
"A lady on the bus screamed at me one time because she thought I had stolen her knees."- The_Rural_Banshee
Meh, All In A Day...
"Not sure this is most deranged I’ve seen but it’s what is coming to mind."
"I was at a house party and this dude comes in, stands on a table, drops his pants, lights his pubes on fire for a few seconds, pulls his pants back up and everyone carried on like no big deal."- Rajili
For better or worse, people have a way of surprising you.
And as is always the case, there are good surprises and there are bad surprises.
Good to anyone who hears a child declare their eagerness to take their parents life support keeping their game face on though...
Reddit user FunChemical3182 asked:
"What is the weirdest animal fact you know?"
Like Perry
"Platypus glow blueish green under ultraviolet light."
"They also don’t have nipples, they just exude milk from glands under the skin and the baby’s lap it up."
~ WakingOwl1
"They have electrolocation in their bills that lets them detect their food under water."
~ DrPlatypus1
"And they lay eggs."
"The more I find out about them the more I understand why people first thought they were fake."
~ Reidroshdy
"After seeing all these platypus facts I am convinced these things are aliens that have been abandoned on Earth."
~ SeattleOne206
Kapow!
"Mantis Shrimp have 16 different sets of cones. Rods and cones are in your eyes. Cones see color, rods see light and motion."
"Dogs have 2 sets of cones—green and blue. Humans have 3 sets of cones—green, blue and red."
"Mantis Shrimp are seeing colors we can't comprehend and explains why they're very colorful."
"That’s not even the strangest thing about them."
"They can also punch as fast as a .22 bullet which cause a cavitation bubble which boils the water around them at temperatures of several thousand Kelvins."
~ RigzDigz
GiphyTerrible Twos
"Cats have the mental capacity of a 2-year-old which makes a lot of sense."
~ Alive_Ad823
Cats Dragging GIFGiphyLike Tinder
"When a female sloth wants a mate she'll hang onto a tree branch and just scream."
~ Remarkable_Sink2542
GiphyGood Thing They're So Small
"Dragonflies are the most successful predators on Earth."
"When lions choose prey they have like a 10% chance of catching it."
"African painted dogs—who hunt in packs—have the highest kill rate of any mammal, successfully catching 51% of their prey."
"When a dragonfly locks onto a target, it has a 99.9% success rate!"
~ PurpleInevitable2103
GiphyOn A Swivel
"Owls have really long necks, but it's hard to notice that because their feathers are so fluffy."
~ ergonaut
GiphyWhat About Cousin It?
"Sea otters are the most densely furred animal with 600,000 to 1,000,000 hair follicles per square inch."
"Dogs have about 15,000 per square inch, humans on average are between 800 to 1,290 hairs per square inch."
~ atom1129
Giphy
Sucker Punchers
"Octopus punch other fish for no reason—so, for fun."
~ Samanthalynn8915
"There's a direct correlation between species' intelligence and dickish behavior."
~ TheDesktopNinja
Looks Are Deceiving
"Polar bear fur isn't white—it's translucent (for most frequencies of light). And they have black skin underneath."
"So polar bear fur lets all the light through to their black skin to warm them—except for a few visible frequencies to keep them camouflaged as white."
~ seedanrun
GiphyWho's Going To Attack One‽‽
"Honey badgers can turn their a**holes inside out and use the smell to deter attackers."
"Not sure what exactly has the guts to attack a honey badger, but if they have the courage to do so, the badger sure as hell isn’t gonna make it easy."
~ nonexistantauthor
GiphyBig Momma
"The Blanket Octopus exhibits the highest degree of sexual dimorphism known."
"Females: About 6 feet across."
"Males: About one inch."
~ Fabulous-Pause4154
High Times
"Dolphins will intentionally use puffer fish to get high."
~ altkaldra
"They upset blowfish so they inflate, and therefore emit poison. It gets the dolphins high. Then they pass it around, literally."
~ smack4u
"Not just the dolphins. I recently saw a video about 10 animals that like to get high. Very interesting."
~ s137leo__
"Lemurs do that with giant centipedes/millipedes too."
~ chubbyknuckles420
Fabrizio Frigeni on Unsplash
Better Than Bike Helmets
"Woodpeckers' tongues wrap around their brains to cushion them from the vibrations of slamming their face into trees all day."
~ we_made_yewww
"Their tongues also have barbs to grab bugs out of the holes."
"Their brains have additional cushioning because, you know, they spend their days smashing their face as hard as possible into trees."
~ RhynoD
Detachable Organs
"Argonauts [paper nautili] are small octopuses that are too lazy to have intercourse."
"They detach their penises and toss them into the open sea to mate with female argonauts."
"The detachable 'd*ck' is a tiny tentacle, complete with suckers and sperm, that develops in a cavity under the eye of a male argonaut [paper nautilus]."
"When it's time to mate, the tentacle explodes out of the cavity, instantly killing the male argonaut. The tentacle then swims towards a female argonaut to insert itself."
"Sexy, huh?"
~ Schwarzes__Loch
What's your favorite weird animal fact?
Tough guys put on a facade that indicates to others that they always know what's going on.
But their confidence doesn't always match their intellect, which is probably why they cover their insecurities by walking around and trying to show everyone who's really the boss.
If that's the case, they should keep their mouths shut because not everything that comes out of their mouth needs to be heard.
Yet, it can be amusing to everyone else.
Curious to hear examples of these, Redditor PrototypeShadowBlitz asked:
"Reddit, what is the stupidest thing you've heard from the 'alpha male' community?"
You might find these guys at a bar.
The Dude Must Be Hungry
"Had a run in once with a group of young lads about something in a bar and one of them said we are top of the food chain bro and you will be the prey."
– insertitherenow
"'Whatever, mall ninja" -proper response."
– TheEighthLord
If The Shoe Fits
"That they were an alpha male."
– I_Have_A_Name37654
"The use of 'Alpha Male,' unironically is every indication that you're dealing with a child's understanding of manhood."
– 88Dubs
Brat Pack
"Me and my bros are all alpha males."
– SonOfDadOfSam
"I was skiing one time and rode the lift with a guy that said, 'I don't feel no pain. I live with 5 roommates and none of us feel any pain.' Okay, bud. That's a really interesting coincidence."
– NicPizzaLatte
They sure thrive on making sexist comments.
Contagious Femininity
"A coworker said, 'I don't spend too much time with my girlfriend because I'll become too feminine.'"
– Lazy_Natural6154
"FELLAS IS IT GAY?!"
– aliebabadegrote
Sexist Categorization
"I have been called a beta for saying that my wife makes more money than I do. She works in a more lucrative field and is more educated than I am, so it makes perfect sense that she makes more than I do."
"So I came back, and this post has really blown up. There's just a few things I want to clarify."
"1- I have only ever been called a beta online."
"2- I work full-time in project management. I have a master's degree. I have a 6 figure salary."
"3- My wife has a PhD and works in finance. She also has a 6 figure salary, it's just a higher salary than my own."
"4- I'm sorry to anyone who might feel as though my original post misled them."
– ExaminationDouble240
It's Teamwork
"A real man would be proud of his wife for achieving success, and not fall for that sort of insecure bullsh*t."
"It's not a contest, that's the real joke here. Good on you for seeing the big picture."
– Mrbeardoesthethings
Do these roles about parenting sound familiar?
Childish Things Are Too Girly
"Real men don't take their kids trick or treating is one that I heard recently."
– constructionguy89
"Related. Guys who brag about not changing diapers, not playing 'girly' games, etc. Essentially guys who brag that their only contribution to fatherhood is money and masculine things like fishing or football. Even then some of them brag about not paying a lot of child support to prove they didn't let the system take advantage of them."
"I can't imagine a life so empty my only accomplishment worth bragging about was being a terrible parent."
– Green7000
This Woman's Work
"I was told that taking care of my kids is woman's work. Apparently it's concerning that I try to spend so much of my free time with them. Oddly enough the meatheads at my grappling club think it's sweet I occasionally have my daughters' hair clips on and nails painted."
– MrFunktasticc
People discussed rules in the bedroom.
Never Submissive
"That a man is turned off when their wife/girlfriend seduces them, because if she wants sex and shows it she is a sl*t, also making the man the submissive one…"
– kamalaophelia
Stifling Emotions
"Not the whole community, but was cuddling with a guy once and could tell he was trying not to get emotional over something that was bothering him. He said, quite literally, 'it's not alpha male behaviour.' I told him that I liked that he showed emotions sometimes, and he looked disgusted by the fact that I pointed it out."
– LambLifts
In high school, a classmate who was on the football team said I was a "sissy" for listening to classical music.
The other classmates laughed at me, which was hardly surprising since all of the guys on our unbeatable football team were considered stars on campus.
This kind of mockery was a typical day for me.
I can laugh at their idiotic comments now but back then, I don't know why I ever let them get under my skin.
Who doesn't love a first date?
The anticipation. The hopes and dreams. The romance.
Even those first-date butterflies are fun.
You're hoping this could be the one.
Or maybe this will just be a lot of fun.
Then you sit down with one another and they open their mouth and BOOM... dating disaster.
Life is ruined. Or maybe you were saved.
Redditor MiloMilkOnDrugs wanted to hear about the conversations that can ruin a romantic time, so they asked:
"What's the worst thing someone can say on a first date?"
Having worked as a waiter as long as I did, I can't tell the things I've overheard without fainting.
I'll just say... sometimes it's okay to stay single.
Promises
Players Association Sport GIF by NBPAGiphy“'I need you to promise not to tell my wife.'"
FriendNegative6013
Honk Off
"My cousin (F) went on a first date where in the middle of the conversation, her date reached over and squeezed her breast and said 'Honk.'"
"She said 'What on earth do you think you're doing?'"
He said 'I've had quite a lot of success with that move.'"
"There was no second date. My cousin was the girl. I realized from a comment it was ambiguous."
blu3teeth
Circa 2005
"My mother was freshly divorced and we signed her up on a dating website (circa 2005) Helped her take pictures etc..."
"She met this guy online real smart, seems to have his sh*t together, independent, etc..."
"They set a date at a local restaurant they park side by side."
"The moment she greets him he says: WOW I love those big boobs I can't wait to taste them!"
"She 180° stepped back in her Mazda 3 and f**ked the right off this parking lot lol."
mageakeem
Safety First
"Does anyone know you're here?"
Baby-hazell
"It's a safety thing. Sometimes, people let others know where they'll be before meeting a stranger for a date. However for him to ask can be seen as a little creepy like he would be planning to do something to them and would need to know that info so he can figure out how long she'll be gone before the police are called. If that makes sense."
Hachiko75
Previously...
canadian what GIF by CBCGiphy"I was on a date once, the woman apologized before looking a bit rough because she had just had sex before coming."
REDDIT
What happened to putting your best foot forward?
My goodness, it's not that hard to at least run a brush through your hair.
Mirror Mirror
"'My ex looks way better than you.'"
Academic_Ingenuity84
"What a coincidence. My ex looks way better than you."
"Maybe they can get together and leave us ugly fools to mope about it together."
LurkerOrHydralisk
Oh Baby
"After pulling her chair out for her, you pet her head then rub her belly saying 'I’m gonna put a baby in here.'"
BuffaloInCahoots
"Ha, can you imagine, being a proper gentleman and then ending with a head pat and belly rub?"
phillmybuttons
"I once had a guy tell me on the first date he wanted to have at least six children. I heard later from his sister he married a woman who was already pregnant with someone else's kid, and he had her pregnant again within the year."
ashoka_akira
Family Dynamics
"'You remind me of my mom.' Bonus points if there is this weird attraction component to it."
Kiunan5
"My partner went on a date with a young woman shortly before we met, he said she repeatedly compared him to her father ('my dad drinks scotch', 'my dad is also bald,' etc). He said no amount of attraction could save the date after that."
Digital_Punk
"Oh God, I'm guilty of this one. It wasn't a date. but I told that to a woman I tried bedding later on. Honestly, she didn't look like my mom i was just shooting my shots at trying to keep her around."
Bobtheguardian22
Be Serious
Shouting The Goldbergs GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy"I went to a nice French bistro in the Bay Area, there was a table right behind me and the friend dining. The guy literally said to the girl 'I am the alpha of this relationship.' (in a serious manner). Me and buddy sort of looked at each other while the girl literally burst out laughing, grabbed her bag, and then walked out of the restaurant."
295DVRKSS
It feels like some men have no one to bounce conversation ideas off of.
Or do they really believe what they say?